Help for European Step daughter

[BlueDutchess]

I everyone ... after just coming home from Holland once again and watching my step daughters dressage struggles, I am going to try to intervene... hopefully with some help here......

I am a 46 yr old hunter diva with the false teeth to prove it :winkgrin: who married a dutchman some years back who has a daughter that rides. She is 22 and very mildly mentally disabled, which sadly makes her a target for the extremely rude riders I have seen at her barn - they have no problem treating her like dirt/ slave, right in front of me , she is on a borrowed horse and cannot move ,,and I am not sure she would anyway. I have been to this barn many times on many visits. I keep my mouth shut so it isnt worse when I leave.... Warmblood's to the left ,,Warmbloods to the right, of course, and my step daughter is on a borrowed Norwegian Fjord mare... Darling mare , who does her best but she comes in dead last or almost dead last at every show.. and sometimes the mares owner decides not to let her use her tack....

So , I have gotten her her own competition bridle and I want to get her a decent saddle that is her own..but what to fit a fjord mare ?? She is like riding a queen sized mattress. Daughter is about 5'8" maybe 150 lbs .. so if anyone has any suggestions I would really appreciate it .( I was thinking an older Stubben )






As soon as I have one ready,and big enough,with a long enough stride, Ive quietly decided to send her one of our homebred appendix AQHA's ,,,something really fancy .. I know it sounds crazy and her father is balking at the cost of shipping but I cannot afford anything there that will compete ..period . and I cant get any help at all from her mother , so I am slowly taking matters into my own hands anyway I can...Sorry to be so long ,, I just hate seeing her try so hard and no one assisting her properly, and with just off the wall treatment from her barn mates.:mad:

[BayHorseUK]

Can't really help with the saddle size, sorry (I would think the way to go might be to find a good saddle fitter to visit the horse and take templates of the back for you to work from). Just wanted to offer some friendly advice on the horse shipping idea - don't want to burst your bubble but i've been there done that and in complete honesty by the time you've paid for quarantine, testing, shipping and import duties you could fund a nice long horse-shopping vacation for yourself over there with enough left over to buy a very competetive horse. If money isn't the object then that won't matter to you, but just be aware that there are a lot of hidden costs involved! Best of luck to you and your step daughter.

[BlueDutchess]

No ,, no bubble bursting ,, she has always wanted one of our race colts, Ive gotten several estimates that were much better than I thought. I just dont have one at this point that would fit the bill . I am sure the fjord will be in her life for awhile yet .

[Underthebridge]

Mine wore a stübben, many years ago, but he did need a crupper.
Sorry they are treating her like that:(

[Carol O]

You go, Girl!

I cannot stand it when people disrespect others, especially those less able to defend themselves...

[hoopoe]

it is unfortunate that the professional in charge does not stand up and insist on mutual respect within the barn. In know, silly me, respect... horse barn in the same sentence.

It should be a simple task to find a used or new saddle that fits the Fjord. Can her father expedite having a fitter come in and find the saddle that fits both horse and rider. Dressage saddles are very specific and it is less forgiving that fitting a jumping saddle. You cannot do this long distance or via eBay

Having a fitter to make sure your DIL can sit as best she can on her little horse is important. There are brand that specifically fit the more plush pones out there. Your DIL sound about average for her height but the length of the femur is a bit issue in what saddle and how it fits.

I am sorry you don't live in my area. We have a professional here who shows her Fjords in the FEI level, including Wez who just officially retired.

[Alagirl]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

But in all honesty, for he price you can ship a pony you might be able to buy a competitive horse, maybe off-brand but it's doable.

We just had one for sale, a nice sane customer, you could put out in the field for a week and hop back on, no problems. He had been originally marketed for 10k Euros, RPS bred, heavy on Trak blood.

The again, if (pardon me, WHEN) she gets that fancy horse from America! :cool: Daddy loffs his little girl! ;)

[pintopiaffe]

A QH from the states is enviable, as far as I understand ;)

Look at Duett saddles (just google them) affordable and made for Fjordy types. Made in Europe--maybe Nancy could help you get one there rather than here + ship.

[Gloria]

I will try Duett, County, and Black Country. These saddles tend to work well for fur on mattress:D

[Donkey]

it is unfortunate that the professional in charge does not stand up and insist on mutual respect within the barn. In know, silly me, respect... horse barn in the same sentence.

It should be a simple task to find a used or new saddle that fits the Fjord. Can her father expedite having a fitter come in and find the saddle that fits both horse and rider. Dressage saddles are very specific and it is less forgiving that fitting a jumping saddle. You cannot do this long distance or via eBay

Having a fitter to make sure your DIL can sit as best she can on her little horse is important. There are brand that specifically fit the more plush pones out there. Your DIL sound about average for her height but the length of the femur is a bit issue in what saddle and how it fits.

I am sorry you don't live in my area. We have a professional here who shows her Fjords in the FEI level, including Wez who just officially retired.

I agree that if you can get someone to take charge of the saddle finding and buying on her turf you will proabably be better off in regards to finding a saddle that fits both your step daughter and her fjord. A well fitting saddle (for the rider) can make a big positive difference.

Is there a coach that could help facilitate it?

[fiona]

http://www.saddlesdirect.co.uk/saddles_search_results.html

This company has a good reputation and may be able to help - they have a wide stock range but maybe the isabell wintec or bates is the way to go as it is easily adjustable and has a good resale value?

http://en.ruitersportjoviehoff.nl//index.asp?id=35

Jo is a great saddler and very kind, maybe he can help. He also sells the BEST made to measure boots on the planet.

And in the meantime send your stepdaughter this link - maybe she is riding the new Guus!

http://http://www.superguus.com/menuenglish.html

[spotted mustang]

sounds like she's stuck at a bad barn full of nasty DQ types. Her standing there won't likely change even with a fancy QH from the states. They'll still treat her like crap and maybe even worse.

Is there really no way she can find another barn? I've been to Holland; there are barns everywhere and many of them are full of nice, tolerant people riding every kind of horse or pony imaginable. Wouldn't she be happier at such a place, regardless of which horse she's riding?

[Lieslot]

Yes Fiona, I was just thinking of Super Guus too!

I'd suggest you contact Divoza, they will come to the barn and fit a saddle. They have various price ranges.
http://divoza.com/shop/a.visit/4aafef4f01467790273fc0a8c064071f
(dutch version : www.divoza.nl)

The other saddlery that will travel quite a good part of the Netherlands is
Drunens Ruiterhuis : http://www.drunensruiterhuis.nl/
I bought 2 saddles from them in the past.

Sorry about the way your stepdaughter is being treated.
I had something along those lines happening to me whilst boarding there. I had just bought my new horse, nice WB. I hop on for my first ride, and sure it may not have looked all that in sync just yet, and my husband overheard some fencesitters say, "nice horse, shame she can't ride him, always happens doesn't it, nice horses going to waste in wannabee hands" Uhhhh???
Funnily enough those were exactly the people who later helped me out with him and became my friends :).

It may not necessarily be country-related, I think these are things that can happen just about anywhere.
Hope it'll all work out for her in the end, kudos for her continuous efforts and just remember, she'll come out of this a stronger person!

As for shipping cost & quarantaine, the latter doesn't have to cost all that much, if you arrange your set-up, you are allowed to quarantaine at home, no more quarantaine when arrived overseas. And shipping in a 3-stall container should be feasible for just over $5k.

[sayyadina]

I have a very wide Haflinger, and the only saddles I've had that fit her are the Freeform Liberty (treeless) & Vogue dressage (soft tree). I used to have an Isabell, but even the widest gullet wasn't enough for her. Of the 2, the Vogue is definitely the better saddle, though more $$$.

[Equibrit]

I everyone ... after just coming home from Holland once again and watching my step daughters dressage struggles, I am going to try to intervene... hopefully with some help here......

I am a 46 yr old hunter diva with the false teeth to prove it :winkgrin: who married a dutchman some years back who has a daughter that rides. She is 22 and very mildly mentally disabled, which sadly makes her a target for the extremely rude riders I have seen at her barn - they have no problem treating her like dirt/ slave, right in front of me , she is on a borrowed horse and cannot move ,,and I am not sure she would anyway. I have been to this barn many times on many visits. I keep my mouth shut so it isnt worse when I leave.... Warmblood's to the left ,,Warmbloods to the right, of course, and my step daughter is on a borrowed Norwegian Fjord mare... Darling mare , who does her best but she comes in dead last or almost dead last at every show.. and sometimes the mares owner decides not to let her use her tack....

So , I have gotten her her own competition bridle and I want to get her a decent saddle that is her own..but what to fit a fjord mare ?? She is like riding a queen sized mattress. Daughter is about 5'8" maybe 150 lbs .. so if anyone has any suggestions I would really appreciate it .( I was thinking an older Stubben )






As soon as I have one ready,and big enough,with a long enough stride, Ive quietly decided to send her one of our homebred appendix AQHA's ,,,something really fancy .. I know it sounds crazy and her father is balking at the cost of shipping but I cannot afford anything there that will compete ..period . and I cant get any help at all from her mother , so I am slowly taking matters into my own hands anyway I can...Sorry to be so long ,, I just hate seeing her try so hard and no one assisting her properly, and with just off the wall treatment from her barn mates.:mad:


You need to do a trade with AvG. Send her a reining horse and have her help your stepdaughter out!

[ACP]

I have been thinking about this and how unkind people are being. Could you find a barn where there is a riding program for people who are handicapped? Of course, it would also be nice if you could take a horse whip to the snobs who are being mean.

[Cielo Azure]

What about a Bates Innova with the bigger knee roll? They lock you into position, have a gullet system that is interchangable and they fit every single one of my wider horses. Such a saddle will greatly improve both her appearance in the saddle and will snug her into the saddle, in case of spooks, etc.

I think I would have her father (or you, if you are the right person) approach the BO or BM and explain that yes, she is mildly handicaped and yes, she does need a little TLC. Try to get the BO/BM on his/your side, to have a little empathy and to protect her a bit from the sneers/snobs of the dressage queens. Extra lessons maybe? This kind of teasing/nasty behavior is often generated from the top down. If you can change the mind set there, who knows?

He might even find a way to put a little money on the side for her to take lessons with a trainer (therapeutic, maybe?) at another barn, who is willing to work on self confidence issues as well as riding. If she sees that there is another horse world out there in other barns that is an acceptable substitute to the one she has, she might be more willing to move.

If the issue is that she is attached to the horse, and Fjord is safe and sane, he (or you) might consider asking confidentially if the horse is for sale. Then you could find a more appropriate boarding facility.

I hate bullies as well as snobby DQs, who seem to delight in harassing those less brilliant than themselves or their friends. Someone wrote to me recently that they are like Hyenas, they always run in packs!

[spotted mustang]

I hate bullies as well as snobby DQs, who seem to delight in harassing those less brilliant than themselves or their friends. Someone wrote to me recently that they are like Hyenas, they always run in packs!


ditto! Although I think hyenas are magnificant animals who don't deserve that kind of comparison ;)

[slc2]

Don't try to 'make up' for the girls teasing - an appendix QH would probably be teased about even more.

Too....does your daughter like the horse she rides now? Your daughter is probably very happy riding the Fjord. They are a blast.

There are wide saddles out there for Fjords. She may actually need a saddle if the horse's saddle isn't always available.

But a fancier horse isn't going to solve a teasing problem. Because the teasing problem is not due to your daughter riding a Fjord. Make no mistake; it is not about that. Your daughter is getting teased because she has a mild disability. If she were on a 200,000 dollar warmblood and winning every class she was in, she still would get teased - perhaps much worse.

It is due to a character flaw in the girls doing the teasing. There are people out there who tease people who have disabilities. They just do. They are flawed people. That's why they tease people with disabilities. It doesn't matter what the person with the disability does.

Just remember to remind your daughter of how proud you are of her, affirm her own worth instead of trying to manage the people out there in the world who do not matter and do not deserve your energy. All you are teaching your daughter is that those people are TERRIBLY important and we should spend a TON of energy on trying to appease them and try and get them to behave in a different way. That's a BAD lesson.

A pleasant little aside to one of the girls or their parents MIGHT be in keeping, 'I am amazed at your daughter's lack of manners. She is constantly teasing my daughter because of the breed of horse she rides in her lessons'. Or to the girl teasing, 'I have a difficult time imagining anything more childish to tease someone about' One gal told me she informed a local teen who was teasing her autistic daughter, 'The next time you do it, you and I are going round and round. If you don't believe me, try it again'. Venting in the face of the teaser can be momentarily satisfying, but it doesn't always bring the results one would like.

People with disabilities need to have the feeling they can stand on their own two feet and ride a horse they like and deal with any teasing that comes up, and quite often that means proudly riding your horse and ignoring teasers, NOT paying more attention to them!. Having someone 'try to fix it for them' can be much more demeaning, actually, when one is working hard to be independent. I've been told by much more knowlegeable people than myself...it isn't always good to try and 'fix' things for people...and the young person's reaction, ANY young person's reaction, is often 'Oh Mother!' because they want to do it themselves, even if there are a few bumps along the way.

And remember, everyone is disabled, it's just that some are disabled in much sadder ways than others....

[suzyq]

It's hard to say since we're not there, but I tend to agree with slc. My dd has ADD and was teased mercilessly by certain kids. Part of the problem was that her social skills were poor. Kids who have to tease someone look for these type of kids as they're easy targets.

How are her social skills? We did a lot of counseling with my dd and it helped. She also transferrred schools (due to a move) and the "leader" kids at the new school were not the teasing type. So life was better there.

[asuits]

Why not look into what type of saddle she's currently riding in and get her a used one of that model?