Traumatizing day - How to deal with death when you are a groom

[Darkstar]

To make this simple, I am currently barn staff/groom/wrangler for a local working ranch.

Today, to put it simple, was traumatizing. I was part of two staff doing the evening chores, feeding and night turnout. I've done night turnout for years and never had any issues at all.

Today, it was twilight and we brought two horses into their paddock. Groom #1 turned one of our nicest QH's out and I was going to take the halter off the cow pony I had in my hand when the QH ran straight through the fence on the other side of the paddock. The horse broke the entire fence and hotwire and went down. When we had gotten to him, he had cuts everywhere and a broken leg. Groom #1 went into shock mode, and I went into "do" mode. I ordered her to call the owner and vet. I haltered the horse and made sure he was quiet (he was in shock at this point). I have never seen a horse act that calm and okay when he was profusely bleeding and had a broken leg. He just kept nudging me and looking at me like he usually does - begging for treats - even though these were his last moments. I tried to keep it together, but the amount of blood later ended up making me throw up. The other groom tried to help me, but she was feeling even worse as she felt responsible... He was a trooper right until the very end, when I had to say goodbye.

I've groomed/done barn work in a lot of places, but have never been in the position when I was the person who had to take responsibility for the death of a horse. It wasn't "me" per se that killed the horse, but I feel responsible - like if only me and the other groom had done something different, it wouldn't have happened.

How do other grooms deal with the death of their charges? When you are left to care for others prized possessions and accidents happen? How do you deal with the barn owners, plus the horses owners?

Also, what would be an appropriate gift for the owners? I feel horrible and they have lost a beloved horse. I am a bit artistic and I was thinking of doing a charchoal sketch of the horse, but I am not sure that would be appreciated or the right thing...

And I think it goes without saying - RIP "Shorty", a wonderful friend who went over the rainbow bridge today.

[Woodland]

Having been in similar shoes all I can say is accidents happen no matter how cautious you are. Witnessing an accident like this is traumatic. I would send a nice card and flowers from your local florist(do NOT send flowers in a box!)

[HorsesinHaiti]

Ouch! (((hhuuggss)))

Remember that sometimes it just isn't your fault - horses will do that.

It still feels lousy to the googleplex-th, though.

[Candle]

I think the charcoal sketch sounds like a lovely idea. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I had to put down a neighbor's horse while she was on vacation, and I felt horrible too. I tried to give myself just as much permission to grieve as if it had been my own horse, and that helped.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

I am so, so sorry.

Things happen. Not anyone's fault! And more importantly, you did not let him suffer. Your offer to make a charcoal drawing, I'm sure, will be prized.

[Skeezix]

Accidents happen and in the end you held it together to be there for him. I don't think you could have done much more to deal with such a nightmare :(

A charcoal drawing sounds like a lovely thing to so.

[goeslikestink]

To make this simple, I am currently barn staff/groom/wrangler for a local working ranch.

Today, to put it simple, was traumatizing. I was part of two staff doing the evening chores, feeding and night turnout. I've done night turnout for years and never had any issues at all.

Today, it was twilight and we brought two horses into their paddock. Groom #1 turned one of our nicest QH's out and I was going to take the halter off the cow pony I had in my hand when the QH ran straight through the fence on the other side of the paddock. The horse broke the entire fence and hotwire and went down. When we had gotten to him, he had cuts everywhere and a broken leg. Groom #1 went into shock mode, and I went into "do" mode. I ordered her to call the owner and vet. I haltered the horse and made sure he was quiet (he was in shock at this point). I have never seen a horse act that calm and okay when he was profusely bleeding and had a broken leg. He just kept nudging me and looking at me like he usually does - begging for treats - even though these were his last moments. I tried to keep it together, but the amount of blood later ended up making me throw up. The other groom tried to help me, but she was feeling even worse as she felt responsible... He was a trooper right until the very end, when I had to say goodbye.

I've groomed/done barn work in a lot of places, but have never been in the position when I was the person who had to take responsibility for the death of a horse. It wasn't "me" per se that killed the horse, but I feel responsible - like if only me and the other groom had done something different, it wouldn't have happened.

How do other grooms deal with the death of their charges? When you are left to care for others prized possessions and accidents happen? How do you deal with the barn owners, plus the horses owners?

Also, what would be an appropriate gift for the owners? I feel horrible and they have lost a beloved horse. I am a bit artistic and I was thinking of doing a charchoal sketch of the horse, but I am not sure that would be appreciated or the right thing...

And I think it goes without saying - RIP "Shorty", a wonderful friend who went over the rainbow bridge today.



you do your drawing -- the hearts speak words we cant say but drawing tells those same words - it will be deeply appreciated becaused you cared

[2DogsFarm]

You did your best for Shorty.
Helping one over the bridge is never easy and trauma makes it harder.

I think your drawing is a lovely idea & would be greatly appreciated.

A friend who shareboarded my horses did a beautiful drawing of DH's horse Buddy after I had to put him down.
It hangs in my living room today.

[jeca]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Please don't "what if..." yourself, really bad things happen and there was nothing you could have done to have made it not so. We lost our beloved pony to a broken leg last year and it is still hard to not think about what I could have done differently, "What if I had put him in a stall, etc,etc". Please don't do this to yourself, it won't change the outcome.

The charcoal sketch sounds absolutlely lovely.

Take care

[starrysky]

So sorry for your loss - remember, this is a loss to you, too. There is nothing you could have done - you were just there to witness it. I am sure the owners are happy you were there with their horse, remaining calm through the end.

I think your drawing would be a lovely gift.

[tikihorse2]

I think you handled things incredibly well. Please, please, don't beat yourself up-- it is NOT your fault. Accidents happen and there wasn't a thing you could have done! I'm so sorry it happened, but as I said, there wasn't a thing in the world you could have done and it is NOT your fault. *HUGS*

The sketch is a lovely idea. So much more personal than just a card alone. I'm sure the owner will appreciate it.

Be gentle on yourself! *hugs*

Kim

[Ozone]

RIP Shorty. It is not your fault or Groom #1's fault so make she you let her know that because she is probably feeling at fault as well. You both just did your everyday jobs and it went bad. It is sad but it happens, there was nothing you could do but be there for Shorty in the end.

I say do the portrait of Shorty, the owner will want to have it.

You asked what do others do in these situations?
We had a paint who the groomed walked into the stall - the latch was in out position instead of flush against the wall like it should have been. The horse ripped herself from hip bone to hock, literally make a huge hole from top to bottom. We called the vet, then the owner, thankfully she made it through ok but even though it was not my fault I made sure I took care of that horse daily - 3X's per day until she was all better. Owner was just happy I took care of her horse because she couldn't deal with the wound itself.

Another horse was lunging and her leg just snapped, call the owners & vet but what else can be done besides mourning at the time?

[Laurierace]

There is nothing you can 'do" except let yourself grieve. I have seen many horses that were catastrophically injured and have been amazed by how peaceful and comfortable they seem. One in particular broke his leg below the knee, it was attached only by the extensor tendon. He seemed confused as to why he was so much shorter on that side but not in pain or even distress. I guess that is their body's way of protecting them.
I have seen that to an extent with humans as well. One young guy was in a car accident and his arm was obviously broken in two places as it was sort of a zig zag. As we were transporting I kept asking him if he was in any pain and he kept saying no. All I could say in return was God bless adrenaline. He did start feeling some pain about an hour later.

[Calhoun]

(((hugs))) to you and the owners.

[FlashGordon]

When you witness a traumatic incident like that, it is hard not to think "what if..." At some point you have to let go of the guilt. They are living, breathing creatures with minds and bodies of their own. In your instance, as in many, it was just bad luck.

The charcoal drawing sounds like a lovely gesture. Big hugs to you, and sending good thoughts to the owners as well.

[jen-s]

What an awful, horrible thing to witness, but I'm so glad that he wasn't alone. The drawing would be a lovely gift and probably very cathartic for you as well. Thinking about all involved and I'm sure that Shorty's making great friends over the Rainbow Bridge.

[stryder]

I'm so sorry. Yes, I think they would appreciate the sketch.

You might also think about a note, depending on the owners: what a lovely horse he was, and how you enjoyed taking care of it. That you were able to hold his head in his final moments, so he wasn't scared and alone.

It will be tough to write. I think I would like to know my horse wasn't alone at the end, and that someone who cared about her was there to comfort her.

We recently lost a horse at my barn, and when I saw the owner, the thing that tortured her was that he was alone, and not knowing if her horse had suffered.

[kookicat]

I'm so sorry. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. {{hugs}}