It's time for Z... Wednesday a.m..... Please jingle!

[BeastieSlave]

I came to the decision this morning that it's time to put Zardene down :cry:
Those of you who have been here for a while might remember that Z was bought by a wonderful group of COTHers back when the Florida Boy's Ranch was still auctioning horses. I wasn't able to go to the auction, but we were able to buy her from the gal who purchased her and take her to the farm.

She was in pitiful shape and I had no expectations for her. I hoped that at the very least I could give her some comfort and maybe get her back on her feet. Well, she thrived! Despite being passed along to a new owner just about every year to make babies after she left the track, she is so loving. She learned to love treats and to trust people. She loves attention and will take herself to the washrack and park it until someone comes to groom her.

She has a fused ankle and no interest in doing any sort of work, but she absolutely loved to run more than any horse I have ever known. When she ran, she was the embodiment of joy and I don't think anyone who saw her could have questioned the premise that some horses love to and were born to race. Watching her could always bring tears to my eyes.

That's how I know it's time :( She doesn't run anymore....

Last fall she fell and injured her hip. I was worried, but she recovered pretty well. She's been sound enough for her life as a pasture puff and she continued to celebrate life with playful jumps and silly hijinx. Lately, she's worse. I don't know if she re injured her hip, but her lameness is much more pronounced and not only have I not seen her run in ages, I can tell it's uncomfortable for her to just walk. She spends most of her time standing alone in the run in - and this is a pretty good time down here. The days are cooler and the grass is lush. Normally, she would be out with her friends.

I've had her on bute, banamine, and now daily aspirin. She's not comfortable and she's not happy. She looks fabulous, but I don't think that's enough. Tears are streaming down my face, but I know it's time to make the plans that will truly ease her pain.
So many of us come here for support and understanding at times like this. I'm sorry to be another - it just helps to know there's a place where people understand :sadsmile:

When she first got to the farm:
http://i482.photobucket.com/albums/rr183/BeastieSlave/Horses/Zardene/Zardene006.jpg

Happier days:
http://i482.photobucket.com/albums/rr183/BeastieSlave/Horses/Zardene/ygpD662.jpg

Update: We'll be meeting the vet at 11:00 Wednesday morning. Please keep Zardene in your thoughts :cry:

[BuddyRoo]

Wow! The transformation is amazing! You've done well by Z. But you've got one last gift to give her. I'm so thankful that she has you to do it. Some horses aren't so lucky. She's gotten to have some happy years with you. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

(((hugs)))

[sdlbredfan]

I am so sorry this time has come, but the signs you mentioned are pretty clear. I am so glad this lovely mare has such a wonderful human to help her, and had some good times and good food too.

[War Admiral]

I'm so sorry. She was always one of my favorites on here. But ya know what... She had a great life with you, which she otherwise would NOT have had. I, too, am grateful that you have always had her best interests at heart. Bless you during this sad time. :(

[FalseImpression]

when you got her. You have done so much for her and you know her best. If you say "it's time", it must be. She is telling you too. I am sorry the time is coming so soon, but without you, it would have come a lot sooner. Thank you for what you did for her.

[FlashGordon]

Aww BS what a lovely mare and how lucky to have spent her last days with you. It is never easy letting them go, it never seems like we've had enough time with them.

Hugs to you and your family, and to Z. May you all find peace in the coming days.

[foundationmare]

Beastie, I'm so sorry that the time has come. How wonderful that Z's final years were spent under your excellent care: those before and after pics are remarkable. Clearly she thrived once she finally landed in her best, forever home. You've given her a beautiful gift that I wish all of the beasties had.

We'll all be here for you in the coming days with lots and lots of hugs.

[Louise]

I don't have to tell you that the last gift we can give them is to let them go when it is time. Z got to live her last years in peace, comfort; and, with love. Thank you, BeastieSlave, for putting her first, now, as always.

[snkstacres]

Beastie, my heart goes out to you . I myself have made that horrible decision for dear old Darlin, I know another winter cannot be had by her. I shall miss that ole gal as you shall miss Z. while I have never had the pleasure of watching Darlin run, I have watched her come back to life once more and enjoy days spent lying in the sunshine. That is my job, that is all my job. She was happy as Z was happy. When they are not happy anymore, you are right, its our time now.

Godspeed to Z and Darlin when the time does come.

[stryder]

Bless you for doing right by this mare - first for taking her in and let her learn love, and now for helping her move on to her next reward. It won't be any easier, but it can't be any more right.

[Quinn]

Thank you Beastie for giving this lovely mare a great end to a not so great middle. What a selfless thing you now do. You're taking her discomfort and pain and giving her freedom. Bless you for that.

http://community.webshots.com/user/ballyduff

[macmtn]

{{{hugs}}}
Your final gift to her is a peaceful ending. Better a week too early than a day to late. Please hug her for all of us?:sadsmile:

[DLee]

Wow, what a lovely, lovely girl, what a fabulous job you have done. She is very lucky to have had you. Sending hugs... Diana

[MistyBlue]

Beastie...it's never easy but it's the right thing and good for you for helping Z out and rescuing her one last time. :sadsmile:

[kookicat]

She has really blossomed under your care. Bless you for being brave enough, and loving enough to be able to make that decision.

You know we're all here to hold your hand and offer a shoulder for you to cry on.

[Woodland]

((((HUGS))))) For loving her so much:sadsmile:

[fernie fox]

Hugs and jingles to you and Z.

I will never forget the day we moved her up to Georgia.:lol:

You gave her the best days of her life.:)

If ever a horse was abused by racing ,she was.

I knew who raced her,and the type of life their horses had.:eek:

You have treated her as a superstar,which she so well deserved.

I cry tears for you and me,I have to make this same decision for Rossi[he came from Fairweather],I have had him 6 years now and he is giving me signs,he is ready.:sadsmile:

It is so hard to do.

Bless you for helping me give some horses "Happy Twilight years".

You are very special,thank you.:sadsmile:

[eventgroupie2]

When they tell you it is time, you know. Bless you for giving her a wonderful life with you. Many hugs for you all from VA.

[pintopiaffe]

Thoughts and prayers to you. Your post is peaceful and certain, though painful. (I'm crying now too. :sadsmile: )

Strength for the journey.

Thank you.

[Reynard Ridge]

I'm so sorry, Beastie. :no: You gave her a good end to her life, and thank you for that.

[jetsmom]

I remember the thread when you got her. Bless you for giving her such a happy life and such love in her final years. I know you'll do whatever is best for her. She looks amazing in the second picture. Her eye looks so soft. It's obvious that she is loved. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

[Instant Karma]

You did right by her from day one, and you will do so until the end. Sorry you have to make this decision, but it sounds like the right one.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Nothing to add, just hugs. And ditto RR.

[Skeezix]

"So many of us come here for support and understanding at times like this. I'm sorry to be another - it just helps to know there's a place where people understand"


You aren't just "another" because your COTH family does understand. Many hugs and jingles coming your way. She was so lucky to have you.

[maunder]

I don't have to tell you that the last gift we can give them is to let them go when it is time. Z got to live her last years in peace, comfort; and, with love. Thank you, BeastieSlave, for putting her first, now, as always.

These are exactly my thoughts as well. What a beautiful horse. :sadsmile:

[goeslikestink]

beasty when you love you do things you dont like but theres always that love that stays
she knows you loved her to the end

[classicsporthorses]

I am so sorry. Remember the wonderful times you had together.

[ChocoMare]

Much love to you Suzanne :sadsmile: This it be right. :cry:

[sidepasser]

I am so sorry to hear about Z - she looks so lovely in the photo after you had her awhile. (HUGS) to you and your family.

[Sweetfiddler]

Hi Beastie, Thank You for giving Z the love and care she needed these past years! I knew she was a special girl when I saw her at the auction and was very happy to send her home with you. Please give her a hug and some cookies for me.

[Coreene]

Beastie, Fernie and Lori Sunkissed, all horsewomen who can teach many of us the true meaning of selflessness and courage. Blessing to all of you for always putting your horses first. Indeed, this it be right. :sadsmile:

[arabhorse2]

Beastie, good for you for knowing that it's time to let Z go.

My deepest condolences. It's never easy, even when it's right.

[dawglover]

((Hugs)) to you.

Bless you for your compassion and caring.

Godspeed to Z.

[BeastieSlave]

I couldn't get logged on last night to check in, but I'm so moved by all this support.

In a way I started the post because I needed to make sure I go through with it. My head know it's the right thing, but it's so hard on the heart. The decision is more obvious when a beastie has an accident or terrible colic, or some other condition where life changes suddenly and dramatically for it. This has been more subtle.
An outsider might say it's not time, she looks good, she could live with the pain, a little toe dragging & leg swinging...
I have to remember what she's lost and that it's better for her to go before things get so bad that she doesn't have as many good days as bad. I have to remember that she doesn't have to live a life that no longer makes her happy. I have to remember that my job isn't to make it easy for me, it's to make it easy for her...

[Quinn]

Beastie, this is Max one week before I put him down. I had owned him for 21 years and at 29, it was time. He had started separating himself from the boys and I knew he couldn't do another winter. It was very very difficult for me but I owed him that. I miss him but am completely at peace with my decision. Hugs to you at this sorrowful time.

http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q40/Ballyduff/Max-June20082.jpg

www.community.webshots.com/user.ballyduff.com

[Zu Zu]

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS CONTINUE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DURING THIS MOST DIFFICULT OF TIMES.

[3horsemom]

what a gift you have given each other and now you are giving her the ultimate gift. you take her pain.
you both are in my prayers.

[Risk-Averse Rider]

An outsider might say it's not time, she looks good, she could live with the pain, a little toe dragging & leg swinging...
You know this is right.

[scotchie]

Oh no, Beastie!!! Not the beautimous Lady Z?!! Oh, how sad. I am crying for you and her. :(:cry:

[bf1]

Such a sad time for you. I had to put a beloved gelding down last year who was in the same situation - I could no longer make him comfortable. Broke my heart - so very, very difficult. Just know I am thinking of you!

[Chester's Mom]

Beastie:

I remember when she first got to you. You have been so wonderful for her; and THAT is what she remembers now. Thanks to you she has healed mentally and emotionally... but her final physical healing is waiting over the bridge. Be brave for all of us; we wish we could be there.

Could I be so bold as to ask for a lock of hair? A small one... if you are clipping some for yourself......

:sadsmile:

[grayarabpony]

She looks beautiful in that second picture. And she still loved to run, that is amazing. How wonderful for you to have given her such a good home in her final years.

[monstrpony]

To all of you facing this--Beastie, fernie, Lori--it is so hard to go through now, and my heart aches for you. But I know ... I know that there is a much deserved moment, somewhere in the not too distant future, when the corner of your mouth will lift in a small smile, and the consoling thought will strike you that now the circle is closed, and that you have done something large and strong and wonderful, and that you have done it as well as it can be done.

I wish you strength, and then peace, until that moment arrives.

[equineartworks]

oh Beastie, I am so sorry. You have done so much for her! And now you will give her what she needs again. Be at peace with this...this it be right :sadsmile:

[Home Again Farm]

Beastie, I am so sorry. It is wonderful that you gave her those very good years. Saying goodbye is hard, but I know you will do the right thing for that beautiful mare.

[Puddin Pie]

It doesn't make it any easier, but to quote Corene: This it be right. Kudos for putting her first. I had to do the same in July with Chello, so I know how hard it is. But you clearly gave her some last glory days to look so fabulous. Big hugs from NC.

[BeastieSlave]

Could I be so bold as to ask for a lock of hair? A small one... if you are clipping some for yourself......


Great idea! I will clip some for each of us who made her retirement at the farm possible....
Everyone's generosity inspired me to pay it forward many times in various ways since then. I think that is the most important part of Z's legacy :sadsmile:

[HorsesinHaiti]

((((((HHHUUUGGGSSS))))))

[VivaBaby]

Beastie - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and care you've given Z in the past few years. You've done so well by her and no horse could hope for better. You've been such a gift to her and now you'll be giving her the greatest gift we can give our beloved horses.

You will both be in my thoughts in prayers in the coming days.

Please give the elegant gal a huge hug for me and whisper in her ear how much she's loved from afar.

May you run forever free in green pastures, Zardene.

Much love,

Viva

[BeastieSlave]

Sometimes I do okay reading these posts, and sometimes I just cry....

Here's sort of an update: It's been raining on and off here and is expected to keep up for the rest of the week. The guys at the farm want to wait until things dry out a bit so the front end loader doesn't get bogged down or tear up the pasture too much. So, we'll be spoiling Z rotten for the next week.

[BeastieSlave]

A quick update: We'll be meeting the vet in the morning (at 11:00). Please keep Zardene in your thoughts and jingle for a peaceful passing. I probably won't check this thread again until it's done. I just fall apart too much. Z has had a very good week and honestly, it's tested my resolve terribly.

In my heart I know, this it be right, but God knows it's not easy....
Thanks again everyone for your support.

[Louise]

I can't tell you how much I respect you. I wish a peaceful passing to Z, and peace to you, in this decision.

[HorsesinHaiti]

((((((((((HHHUUUGGGSSS))))))))))

[She's Pure Gold]

I'm so sorry :( I just had to make the same decision for my guinea pig last Wed. She wasn't sick, but was not very comfortable anymore. You are making the right decision, as painful as it is.

[Puddin Pie]

Big hugs. It makes it even harder to set the date and then have to wait due to weather. Take care of yourself too.

[jen-s]

Hugs from NC! It's a hard decision but it's the right one. The love and care that you gave her shows in her picture. She was a very lucky girl to find you and you've given her a wonderful life. The gift you'll give her tomorrow is just as important. I'll be thinking about you both tomorrow.

[foundationmare]

Beastie, my heart goes out to you and Zardene. We're all here for you.

[tweeter]

To all of you facing this--Beastie, fernie, Lori--it is so hard to go through now, and my heart aches for you. But I know ... I know that there is a much deserved moment, somewhere in the not too distant future, when the corner of your mouth will lift in a small smile, and the consoling thought will strike you that now the circle is closed, and that you have done something large and strong and wonderful, and that you have done it as well as it can be done.

I wish you strength, and then peace, until that moment arrives.

Monstrpony said it so well.....

peace to you.

[Zu Zu]

Thoughts and prayers for all involved in Z's life.

[Lucassb]

Truly, the luckiest horses are the ones who have people willing to free them, and to take on their pain when the time comes. There is really no greater love.

A friend gave me this quote, in a time of great loss for me. It has always been a comfort to me, and I share it in the hopes that it will, somehow, do the same for you.

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you--will have stars that can laugh!"

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure . . . And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupéry

[Risk-Averse Rider]

Jingling for a peaceful passing for Zardene.

The Princess will be waiting for her, ready to show her where all the hot studs are. :sadsmile:

[3horsemom]

you both are in my prayers. there is a sweet little chestnut tb mare waiting to show z the way.

[asterix]

I'm glad I saw this before the morning, so I can be thinking of her, and you, tomorrow.
You know there is a shadow army of all of us, standing behind you as you go through this tough time.

[ljc]

I, too, will be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm not a terribly religious person but I know there's a special place in heaven for rescued horses and for the people who rescue them. Thank you for all you have done, including the final task. What a beautiful mare.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Big hugs to you. And we'll be here for you.

[jilltx]

She is very lucky to be loved by someone so selfless.

Peace for you and peace for Zardene.

[SueL]

I took great comfort in this poem (In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver). Here's a relevant snippet:

"To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go."

Full version here:
http://www.panhala.net/Archive/In_Blackwater_Woods.html

It's really painful to read at first, but in time with re-reading it becomes comforting.

Thinking of Z and you.

Sue

[snkstacres]

My thoughts are with you both. Godspeed Z

[bf1]

Thinking of you this very difficult morning. You have all our jingles.

[monstrpony]

Thinking of you today. Godspeed, Z.

[kookicat]

Sending hugs and jingles for you!

[Chief2]

Hugs to you today.

[Zu Zu]

Thoughts and prayers for you and Z today. Godspeed, Z.

[arabhorse2]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Z this morning.

My prayers for you are of peace. Z needs no more prayers; she's going where all good animals go, and she'll be young and able to run again.

Godspeed, Zardene. Say hello to my little bay demon in horse form for me.

Beastie, we're here when you need us, and we're all there with you in our thoughts today.

[trubandloki]

Thinking of you!

Z is so blessed to have such a wonderful person. What a gift you are giving her.

[Kim]

((Hugs))

We are all here for you.

[FalseImpression]

Thinking of both of you.
Be strong.

[Coreene]

Beastie, Z can tell everyone you are a true horsewoman. What a kind final reward for this good mare.

[Threebars]

Z is going to be in fine company there - *HUGS*

[Rider in Training]

(((Hugs)))
Thinking of you and Z.

[danceronice]

Hugs for you this morning.

[SmallHerd]

Thinking of you this morning. HUGS to you and Godspeed Z.

[elsbet]

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us." ~~ Helen Keller

Rest easy with your decision, and take comfort in that she is not in pain any longer. She sure was lucky to have you care for her.......

Many hugs to you. Godspeed Z!

[twinkle]

You are a great horse mom. It is so hard to make that decision. Z will be able to gallop, free of pain. Z will be with lots of friends. Big hugs and know that your decision is because you love her that much.

[classicsporthorses]

(((Hugs))) having just gone through this on the 15th putting two of my own down, I know your sorrow. Know you loved Z and remember the great times. Keep a lock of her mane/tail.

The heartache will pass but the memories will never fade.

[Sugarbrook]

My thoughts are with you today as you face a difficult, but wonderful task. The kindness thing you can do. I have had 3 cross over this year. My "Who's Smart" will be the first one greeting your gal. He was the cheerleader, in boy form, of the farm. How hard this is..................

[fernie fox]

Godspeed Zardine.

And prayers of calm to you Beastie.

And Thank you.:sadsmile:

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

So sorry. Been thinking of you.

[Trevelyan96]

Beastie, sending hugs for you today. How are you holding up?

Godspeed Zaydene... enjoy running in your new greener pastures.

[VivaBaby]

Somewhere in time's own space
there must be some sweet pastured place
where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horse go,
for by the love that guides my pen,
I know great horses live again.

Peace to your heart, Suzanne
Run free, Zardene...you are loved beautiful girl...

[jenm]

Sending you hugs on this difficult day...

[eventgroupie2]

More hugs from VA - so right, but so hard to do.

[TBMaggie]

Oh, my heart goes out to you and Z...I hope it was a peaceful passing.

And we all know how very altered the world feels when one of our beloved horses goes to greener pastures.........:sadsmile::sadsmile:

[BeastieSlave]

Sorry to be MIA. My computer crashed.

Z had an amazing last day. In the morning she was her normal self. The girls perked up a bit when I moved them to another pasture so the hole could be dug in theirs. There was some running at first. Reggie led and Z did run a bit, but then she just stood and watched as the other two lapped the pasture. It made me sad to see her and know that in days past, Z had always led the charge.

After the hole was dug I brought the girls back into their pasture. Zardene RAN - I mean, full-out like the old days! She huffed and puffed, hopped around, and snorted. Eventually, she let me groom her while she ate a pile of pears and listened to me blubber. She always loved being groomed and she leaned into the brush with pleasure. When we were finished, I went to the barn to put away the brushes and buckets. It was almost time to meet the vet so I returned to the pasture with her halter and leadrope.

The lovey dovey moment had passed for Z and she decided that she didn't want to be caught. I ended up stalking her through two pastures for about 15 minutes before she would deign to wear a halter. I worried about how I would explain to the vet that this mare I couldn't catch was the one who was so pitiful she needed to be put down!

The vet arrived and gave her a light sedation to take some of the edge off (she was still pretty full of herself). She walked calmly into the hole and her best friend came to the edge to be with her. She passed peacefully, though the sedation did make it take a bit longer than it might have otherwise.

At first I felt terrible about going through with it seeing how good she looked and obviously felt. Then I reminded myself that this happiness was temporary and perhaps we were lucky to have had the joy return for the morning. She was happy and I got to see her run. Maybe it was a gift?!

[arabhorse2]

Beastie, yes, it was a gift. You got to see her as herself one last, glorious time.

I smiled when I read where she didn't want to be caught. Sassy girl. :sadsmile:

[Kim]

Hugs to you. You sound like a wonderful and caring horseperson. Z was lucky to have you.

Many of us know how you feel, so feel free to share your feelings here.

:(

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

BeastieSlave, big big hugs to you. What a wonderful, generous, giving gift. May I be so gracious.

[LSM1212]

BeastieSlave,

She was giving you the most loving and wonderful last memory of her. Running around and not wanting to be caught! Silly girl...

Hugs to you.

[monstrpony]

Glad this part is behind you. What a good ending to her life! Yes, it was a gift. :sadsmile: