Losing Motivation...

[Heinz 57]

And no, I don't just mean the motivation to show or ride, but the motivation to spend the time and money it takes just to be "in" horses. The cost of board, grain, trims, lessons - it adds up in my case to 30-40% of my salary, depending on the month, with me doing partial care and cleaning my own stall. Tack on a couple shows, and I'd rather not think about how much of the measley salary I pull is going towards my horse. I enjoy riding, sure. But I'm having trouble collecting enough motivation within myself to put on the breeches, saddle up the horse, and ride on a daily or even bi-weekly basis. When I think of the money I'm spending, it occurs to me how much more quickly the small amount of debt I have could be paid off if that money were to go towards bills instead of horses. I also think of the fact that rarely do I have any grocery money towards the end of the month. I'm not starving, by any means, but peanut butter sandwiches, rice, and canned goods are staples at that point.

My lack of motivation is not fair to my horse, either. I've always had project horses, and my current muse has been a four year old TB mare, since I sold my draft cross back in February and picked her up as an unbroke, underweight wormy little piss ant a few weeks later. She's now going w/t/c, about ready to start over fences, and has a whole string of ribbons to her name from walk/trot classes and halter classes (even a reserve champ!) at the open shows I've been hauling her to for some *affordable* exposure. Needless to say, any four year old needs consistent work, let alone a TB and a mare to boot, so my lack of motivation is affecting her as well. She's been pretty much at the same point in her training for the last few months - going w/t/c, but having trouble building a steady connection at the trot and canter. She tends to want to tilt her poll to the left, with her nose tipped to the right, rather than be straight. This is the reason I haven't started her o/f; I refuse to do it until she is at the very least, straight. She does it on the lunge, as well, has been seen by a chiropractor and it just seems to be a nervous habit/laziness issue. Its more work for her to carry herself properly. The problem seems to decrease when we work in a sitting trot, she becomes straight and connected about 90% of the time.

She's a talented, smart prospect with above average movement for a TB. Not something that comes along every day, and definitely not for the price I paid. Based on my evaluation, she could easily be a solid packer and place well through Prelim, if not higher. That would keep me busy and entertained for at least the next four or five years, easily.

Someone slap me out of this stupor and help me appreciate my rice-and-beans lifestyle for the horse I have, before I sell her down the road and lose the nicest (and cheapest!) horse I've ever had!

[evans36]

Back when I was a senior in college, I was where you are. I was working 2 jobs and going to school full-time in order to afford my horse - no parental support for the animal. Basically I worked so much to keep him that (1) I never got to see him, and (2) his keep stressed me out financially a lot! I ended up selling him to a really good home and getting out of horses for a couple years. I was really depressed for those two years. Looking back, I think it was a good thing for me to sell the horse - when it becomes more stress than it is fun, it's time for you to look out for you. But at the same time, I went cold-turkey away from horses, and that was liberating for like 6 weeks, and then really depressing. Only you can figure out if you're so burned out that you need to just get rid of some of your responsibilities. But I have to say, that if you do, I would advise not going cold-turkey - keep your toe in the horse world somehow. It's different and special and you'll miss it, even if you don't realize it at the time. Good luck!!

[OverandOnward]

Consider every option as completely viable. Don't feel trapped by a feeling you have to maintain your horse activities that have meant so much to you until now. If keeping a horse in some fashion is right for you that is great. If you need to do other things for awhile that is great, too. Horses will not be extinct if you do decide to do other things and then return to them even many years later. If staying in horses is what you want to do, plan your career and location accordingly. :cool:

After I graduated and had a real career job I continued to ride a couple of times a week for a trainer that was a good friend. I had sold my horses so putting rides on owner-horses and occasionally showing the ones whose owners were not riding was a way to stay in it without many of the burdens.

I realized after less than a year that even that was just too much. Unexpected overtime and even that amount of money made it hard to make it really work for me. I just couldn't afford a "life" and riding as well, at the salary I was making then. And I just couldn't be satisfied with a pasture horse and an occasional trail ride.

I decided I had to put it on the shelf and focus on the career, which was fully absorbing. On subsequent moves I even lost my subscriptions to the horse mags. I got into distance road cycling and it was absolutely to fill in the horse gap. The bicycle could be leaned against a wall for a few weeks or months at at time. (I explained to my fellow cyclists that I was really a horse person at heart!) I have wonderful memories and photos of cycling adventures and trips.

The decision freed me to take transfers and travel internationally for work. I've lived two or more years in 6 cities in 5 states. I've made extended trips for work to Europe and Asia. I have loved horses the whole time, always tried to go see something horse if I could wherever I was.

After quite a few years I have now reversed the process. I am not up for relocation or extended travel. I spend a lot on riding and a horse. I did test the waters first as a lesson student to see if I really wanted to get back into horses or if I just thought I did. :lol: And now I'm as lost inside horses as the whole world that matters as I was before I graduated high school and did nothing else but school and horses. :yes:

The bicycles are leaning against the wall. Occasionally I'll clean one up for a long ride ... and I have albums of cycling photos to enjoy, just as I now have more recent albums of horse photos. :)

[enjoytheride]

For me I can either afford a horse, some shows, some lessons, and a tiny apartment, student loans, and an old car OR no horse, a big apartment, and loans that get paid off faster. I can afford to eat out every other week OR twice a week, I can afford to go shopping once a month for new clothing, or purchase swapable outfits at platos closet.

I figure if I didn't have the horse I'd be in my big apartment with my nice car spending all my money on meals out and fashionable clothing. For me horses are more worth it. For you they might not be right for you.

[EiRide]

There is no sin in making a change of lifestyle--and if the horse responsibilities are making it no fun, perhaps leasing or even just a weekly lesson on good schoolies in a nice program would be better for you at this time. If even that is not enjoyable, maybe a break altogether is in order. Only you know what the value of the horses are for you.

I gave up a lot at various times in my life to keep my horses, and I was never sorry because they are so much a part of my identity that I feel bereft when I am without them for any length of time. I don't think I have ever had more than a few weeks off riding and even less time with no contact at all since I was a small child. However, I have other things I really enjoy that I have put down for a long time and returned to, like martial arts, or just put down and left as a fond memory of a past activity (serious hiking, camping, fishing).

[OverandOnward]

Here's the question I ask about each expense and lifestyle option ...

"Would I rather have this, or would I rather have a horse?"

There is no wrong answer. The honest answer for you is the right answer.

[CarolinaGirl]

I'm debating taking a break after I get the one I have sold... OR trying to find an experienced ride to just have some fun on and get back to doing some bigger stuff. One of the girls I used to ride with has a nice TB (gone prelim) that she hasn't been doing anything with the last few years and was considering asking her to let me ride him and compete him. But then I think about the time and money doing just that would take.. and how I'm back in school... and then I'm back to considering taking a break for awhile. I've never taken a very long break (was always afraid I'd never get back)... but I think it might be that time and I'm ok with that now.

You have to decide what's right for you and what's fair to your horse.

[IFG]

You have to do what is right for you.

I have given up horses twice. More for time issues than for $$.

In college, I had no time to ride and also do well in school. I still took lessons every once in a while during the year and over the summer, but I was not a barn rat.

After I had my kids, and I was working on my Ph.D., something had to go. I could have sold the kids, but I would have gotten arrested, so I quit riding for a while.

In the last year or two, I gave up competing because the $$ made it unfun, and my horse was developing some soundness issues. After some time off for him, we are back to fox-hunting.

You have to decide what will make you happy. I totally understand when the financial outlay really tanks the fun aspect. Maybe quit competing, and get a half-leaser. Then you can test the horse-free waters without making the decision to sell your horse right now.

[riderboy]

It's a big commitment no doubt. Add to that all of the things that can go wrong and it's a wonder anyone does it. I know for me the horses are very much what keeps me sort of "centered" mentally. I just don't know what can take me out of my daily stress so quickly and give me something to look forward to when I'm at work getting hammered. And the vast majority of people we have met, at least the eventing crowd, are first class, wonderful people and I would miss them a lot.

[AKB]

I wonder if this particular horse is part of the issue. When you are tired and stressed, a youngster is not what you need. Think about giving away or selling the youngster to a good home. Then, perhaps a half lease on a packer would leave you with more money and less stress. After the student loans are paid, you can buy another project.

[piccolittle]

I know in this economy it's a bit tough, but would it be possible for you to lease out this mare? To, say, a competent older Pony Clubber? It would give you a break from the horse thing, to sort out what you want to do financially, and maybe even provide an income for a while. All that and then when you feel ready to get back into it, or even decide to sell her, she has more miles and training.

[Heinz 57]

I appreciate everyone's support.

I had a very, very good ride last night... which, of course, was just what was needed. On another horse, I might consider looking for someone to lease or part lease. Not to climb up on any high horse (some pun intended there...), but even just the thought of it makes my blood pressure jump. She needs a very particular kind of rider at this point, and only one out of the three people I've had on her has been that kind. All three are above average riders, and all three teach and train at least part time, so are semi-capable. She needs a steady, CALM rider that has a quiet hand, soft leg and a good sense of body awareness. With the right rider, she can be as quiet and obedient as an old plug; you can tune up your metronome to her trot. With the wrong rider, she's tense, choppy, braced, and overreactive. This may be one of my downfalls: I am extremely patient and unreactive. I am the epitome of laid back, and rely mostly on positive reinforcement and redirection rather than punishment. Not all trainers ride this way, thus the tense, choppy, braced, overreactive horse I described above. Put one of those riders on her, and depending on how severe they are - it may take me a day or two to "undo" her before she's back to the relaxed, metronome horse.

When I think of my life without being "in" horses, I can't really see it. Its what I do. Its what I've DONE since I was 10. Since the beginning, I've never been that once-a-weeker. I was a groom, a working student, a half-leaser, and once I graduated and got a full time job, a horse owner. I worked my ass off to get to where I am, to be as good as I have been. I was the gopher, the one that got put on anything. I've made a name for myself with those that know me in the business as someone that can take the ugliest, most rundown-looking project horse and bring out the best in them. This mare I have now was one of those 'hide her in the back barn' cases, and she truly doesn't look (or act!) like the same horse.

Not every ride will be a good ride, no. But I think that if I sell this mare, I'll be kicking myself in a few years. A couple more good rides like that, and she might be ready to start o/f. :)

[JWB]

When the horses are not fun anymore, put them away for a while. I did not ride after college because I could not afford to do it AND pay off student loans, car loans, rent, etc unless I spent EVERY spare waking moment working off my board, which left me burned out and resentful of the horses.

The nice thing about horses as a hobby is that you can always go back. In a lot of sports, you're old when you're 40. I can think of TONS of top riders who are in their 40s and 50s, with may competitive beyond that.

I put the horses away for a while and found other things to fill the gap. I now have 4 dogs because dog agility and flyball filled the same needs without nearly so much cost... And now that my financial situation has improved with age, savings and paying off those loans, I can afford to board my horse and keep her in training, and not have to worry about unexpected vet bills and how to make ends meet.

[Arcadien]

I think the average person's involvement in horses is healthiest if we accept there will be cycles in our level of dedication. If we recognize this ahead of time, it's not so horrifying to decide to devote time to something else for awhile, for whatever reason.

I've been there, and the first time it happened I remember being really depressed over my loss of motivation to ride every night after work during the winter. I finally got over beating myself up, focused instead on making money and getting fit at a workout club. My horse got furry and fat and had a nice winter on turnout. Come spring, out came the shedding blade and I easily resumed serious riding - we both picked up where we'd left off as if we'd never stopped.

I'm coming out of a similar phase right now - budget, jobs ending and starting, family health issues, etc, for most of the last two years I've had to suffer watching my 3 promising young horses just hang out in the field and grow older learning nothing. It was mild torture, I admit, to see them just hanging around, but really, it didn't hurt them; and I had faith I would find the motivation again when the time was right.

The time has come! I'm having a blast introducing the babies to various tack, and my oldest is finally starting over crossrails - I'm pricing indoors to keep him at this coming winter!

I'm so excited about the prospects of riding and training through the winter, it's almost unbelievable to think I was at this point last year feeling weary at the thought of tacking up.

So, my advice, give yourself a break. Yeah it might be ideal to follow some set schedule for a young horse, but it isn't do or die - not for those of us not making a living out of horses. It may be an extreme but there are plenty of stories of 8 year olds dragged out of fields barely saddle broke, going on to amazing careers.

You and your horse(s) can write your own script, and if right now it involves lots of time off and carrots, or just riding enough to maintain the status quo, or handing over the reins to someone else for now, or whatever - as long as you are both healthy & happy - so be it! Have confidence when the time is right you'll be back in the tack having lost nothing, really. :)

[deltawave]

It doesn't have to be either/or, all/nothing.

You can sell the horse, but keep riding on different terms: borrow, help school greenies, half-lease, or even just take lessons once a week. A young TB with "prelim potential"--well, there are lots of those out there. :) When you're ready to buy, you will find another one.

Being a patient, quiet rider is probably something you can really make use of as a skill--there might be trainers out there with babies that this skill would suit to a "T".

Like others said, horses will always be there, but a series of "cycles" of involvement (from zero to full time) is nothing rare or new. You wouldn't be the first, nor the last, to put them on the back burner for a while and pick up again right where you left off. I've done it a number of times, and so have countless others. :yes:

[imapepper]

I totally hear you. I am working as an independant contractor right now and my income is not stable. If it weren't for the fact that I do total selfcare and my husband is a very generous man, I would not have my 2 horses. My income about covers my horse expenses and that is about it.

I am not riding enough right now and that is something that makes me really wonder why I do it. I am so busy taking care of horses, I don't have time to ride. In a lot of ways, I am in a similar place right now. On the bright side, I have one retiree and my mare is 14. She is hot and a difficult ride but she is the same horse whether I let her sit for a month in the pasture or ride her every day. I can ride twice a week and have the very same ride....which is nice :)

Your mare is only 4. There would be nothing wrong with giving her a month off if you were feeling burnt out. I have always had a project horse. My last one is the oldest project horse I have ever had but....I know how it feels to bring along something green. I have had quite a few that after a week or two off actually came back a little better. It's kind of like a spring break thing. It gives them time to be a horse and think about things. Maybe give the expensive stuff a break for awhile. Don't take lessons or show for a month.....save a little cash....do some fun trail riding stuff or go volunteer at some shows so you remember why you want to do it ;)

There is nothing wrong with stepping back and taking a break. And don't beat yourself up about it :) That never helps.

[LuvMyTB]

I totally understand the money thing. I am a few years out of college, working a semi-decent job but by no means am I raking in the big bucks. Fiance is in about the same situation.

I was given my mare when I graduated school and I sacrificed to keep her....worked off board, lived at home longer than I wanted, lived in a crappy house when I did finally move out.

Mare died in June.....we are closing on a house in 3 weeks and getting married next spring.....I had a chance to get out from under the board and vet bills and STAY out for a while.

Then I realized that I absolutely would not know what to do with myself without a horse, and my fiance realized he would not know how to handle me if I didn't have one. :lol: I adopted a cheapie OTTB and here we are.

Was it the best financial decision? Probably not. I have a little debt, student loans & car loans, and the house will be more expensive than renting. The horse money could have gone a long way towards other stuff. But dammit, life's too short to not have a horse. :)

[CookiePony]

It's a big commitment no doubt. Add to that all of the things that can go wrong and it's a wonder anyone does it. I know for me the horses are very much what keeps me sort of "centered" mentally. I just don't know what can take me out of my daily stress so quickly and give me something to look forward to when I'm at work getting hammered. And the vast majority of people we have met, at least the eventing crowd, are first class, wonderful people and I would miss them a lot.
What he said! :D

[AUeventer]

I am going through the EXACT same thing. A couple years ago, when the economy was better, the money wasn't such a big deal. I was a college student being supported fully by my dad, I was showing a lot, life was grand. Now there's no money and I'm a grad student with no extra time. I am forced to board at the cheapest place available. No jumps, no hacking, just a boring ten acre field. I have an amazing horse, did one prelim on him, and now i don't have the money to get lessons or show. I decided to put him up for sale. No question I will be devastated, but I can't let such an amazing horse just rot in a field. I don't have the motivation to get up and ride if I don't have a show to look forward to or at least a nice place to ride. The cost of horses is insane. If he were to colic or even have a "minor" vet bill a few hundred bucks, I would be completely screwed. I have no cushion. I still have one horse in training and basically an unlimited supply of horses I can ride whenever I want (and get paid for it) without any financial responsibility. I think this is the best idea for me now and it may be the best thing for you as well. If you sell your horse, you may end up missing it terribly and either find a friend's horse to ride or have the money to go out and buy a project. For me, sometimes having a project to work on is more rewarding than having a "made" horse if you can't compete. The financial stress is overwhelming for me, and although I am dreading not seeing his beautiful face every day, the burden lifted off my shoulders will be tremendous.

[OverandOnward]

...
Your mare is only 4. There would be nothing wrong with giving her a month off if you were feeling burnt out.... Don't take lessons or show for a month.....save a little cash....do some fun trail riding stuff or go volunteer at some shows so you remember why you want to do it ;)

There is nothing wrong with stepping back and taking a break. And don't beat yourself up about it :) That never helps.

:yeahallthat big time :yes: :cool: :D

From your last post it sounds like perhaps you and this mare were meant for each other right now, and it is just a matter of changing the way you think about what you are doing.

Put aside any training timeline. Your mare does not have a destiny to fulfill that she must go o/f by x time, do this or that by x time. Perhaps the fates meant for you and her to tool along at your own pace, doing good for each other. If you go slowly, take breaks, and it takes 2 years for her to be jumping a 3' course, that is perfectly fine. :)

It's about your life, and as long as you own her, her life is about your life. Not the other way around. She will be very happy with that. Your mare does not have her eye on the AEC's by 2011 or anything like that, as you know. She just wants to be happy with her routine and her rider. Sounds like you've both already achieved that goal. :cool:

You may have to push off or put off people who ask questions "why aren't you ...?" Once you give your one-sentence explanation, if they care about you and have your best interests in mind they aren't going to second-guess what you should be doing with your horse. :)