In a bad riding slump--just need to talk

[Brooklyn Born]

Hi

I have been really struggling with my riding lately, to the point that, at times, I feel like I should just sell my horse and walk away. Thinking it would be best for my mare. For some background--I am in my mid 50s, and have been riding for 20 years. I've never been a great rider, but i work hard at at and have loved the horses that have been in my life. I just adore horses and need to be around them. I bought my current horse a couple of years ago, after selling my other horse that had bucking issues and I fell one too many times. My present horse is a wonderful 6 year old QH mare. I'm not the bravest or most assertive rider, but I have am working with a great trainer and over the past year my trainer has helped me make great progress in my riding with my girl. However, in February, I started having weird muscle pains in my thighs (thought I did too many squats!) and old back and shoulder problems started rearing their ugly heads. I thought it was just a pulled muscle, and after some physical therapy I started feeling better by May, but then the pains came back. Some of it has become sciatic pain down my whole right leg. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it, but in the meantime, I feel my riding is suffering. Hugely. Did I mention that I'm in menopause now and can't understand why my body won't do what it could do even 5 years ago???!!!

I drive 40 miles to the barn, and by the time I get out of the car, I am limping from pain. I do stretches, and start feeling better. I know it's affecting my riding, because my horse just blows through my steering aids (like taking me to the fence when I am trying to ride the quarter line). My trainer gets frustrated with me, and I really try to do what she tells me, but the strength or coordination or even the mental toughness just isn't there. I would say that after 80% of my lessons since my physical problems started, I end up quietly crying in shame about my failures and how I let my horse down.

I want riding to be fun again, but I feel like i am letting my horse and my trainer down lately. Would a mountain bike really be a better alternative? at least a mountain bike won't care if I accidently get unbalanced or pull on it's face incorrectly.

I don't mean to be such a whiner. It's just been a long frustrating 8 months, and I needed to share. Thanks for listening. And if there are any bits of wisdom from other's experience, I'd love to hear it.

[SFrost]

While I can totally understand why you feel the way you do I hope that you will continue to ride. You should NOT be ashamed of yourself and you are not letting your horse down. You should be proud that you are continuing to do what you love even though it might be more difficult for you now than in the past.

Even more importantly, your riding could actually help your pain. I know for myself it helps with my pain issues.

Don't be down on yourself.

[twofatponies]

I don't know you, but just from the gut I'd say you shouldn't give up riding, but maybe it's a good time to change the way you ride.

Driving makes leg/hip/sciatic problems worse - find a way to move your horse closer to home - no more than 5-10 miles away? Unless you live in a major city... In that case, is it possible to overnight at your barn location, say going Friday night, sleeping over (in a motel, with friends, etc), then riding Saturday and/or Sunday, then coming home?

Some way to relocate you or your horse to eliminate that drive!!!

Second, your physical issues - I don't know what to suggest there, but I'd bet it's not helping if you are not enjoying your lessons (ie tense, anxious, frustrated). Can you ride in another way? Radical: try sidesaddle or driving (ETA: or just different saddles! Deeper, narrower, Western???). Less radical: lunge lessons that help get you back your strength, or finding a trainer who will pony your horse on trail rides, so you can have pleasant horseback fun while you build back up to being able to take control?

Best of luck. I hear your frustration and sympathize!

(ETA: driving (carriage) vs. driving (car): when you carriage drive you are engaged with your abs, weight in your feet, etc. so it may or may not aggravate your condition the way automotive driving does (where you sit with your feet stretched out and toes in the air).

[tpup]

Have you had a physical or bloodwork lately? I only ask because your pains may be caused by something like Lyme disease - I was recently diagnosed and I'm in my 40's but feel like I am 90 the last few months. It's a remote possibility but might be worth investigating. Just a thought.

[BabyGreen]

Your horse doesn't care what you do when you ride. She only cares that you love her and take care of her. And you aren't out trying to please the trainer.

I had sciatica (crippling) at about your age. Lost 40 pounds and it went away. Could you stand to lose weight?

It might help you to strengthen other muscles in your body, just to be in better shape. Sciatica is tricky, because no surgical intervention is guaranteed to fix it.

[Beanie]

I too have suffered much of the same pains that you describe - pains down my leg, and menopause - well don't get me started. As you say the body is just not the same.

I finally found a great chiropractor and had x-rays done on my back. Turns out I have a congenital issue with my spine. Once we figured out why my leg was a mess (the pain was HORRIBLE) he started working on me and I'm so much better. The other thing that really helps (when I do it as I am so bad) is Pilates. I bought a couple of DVD's and do the beginner level exercises. The really stretch me out and things move better.

I was kind of pleased to read your post (not that I'm glad that you are going through this) because I'm glad it is not just me. The weather has been perfect this summer and I've ridden less than ever. But as things are getting better I find my old spark coming back and I'm glad I didn't give the horses up.

All the best to you.

[FlashGordon]

At some point, we all go through this.

Most of us in horses are amateurs, with limited time, money and expertise. It can make this sport hard at times.

Right now I am in a not riding phase. There are moments where I feel like horses can be such a heartbreaker and I am not sure I want to keep going. But I do, somehow, and I try to find solace in the small things.

Maybe take the pressure off yourself, and just focus on spending time with your mare for awhile? Sometimes if you take a few weeks/months off riding you start to get the itch back.

Can you move her closer to you? Maybe that would help? I know a 40 mile drive would put me off... ;)

Anyway good luck and hang in there... horses don't care if they get ridden, don't get ridden, or how they get ridden provided they have kind, compassionate owners/handlers, they get fed, and they get to play with their buddies.

[KateKat]

I think it would be a good idea to try something new with your horse. Try trail riding, hunting, anything that gets you out of the arena and takes the pressure of trying to perform something.

As for pain, I would go back to your PT or try a chiro. I was having some bad back pain about a year ago, and was throwing it out probably every week. The chiro worked wonders.

[Ambrey]

I have nothing but support and hugs for you, and a tiny piece of... not advice, but a suggestion of something to try.

Try cutting back to lots of walking and only rising trot for a while and see if your back gets any better. I'd been telling doctors that riding seems to help my back, and when I finally got into physical therapy he confirmed that research shows the walking rhythm and movement reduces muscle spasticity, and can be helpful psychologically as well.

But sitting trot and canter, not so much.

Also, see if you can get someone to do the horse work that is very hard on your back, like picking hooves or moving hay. Keep doing the things that are active but not as stressful (I don't find scooping poop stressful, for example, but carrying a bag of feed kills me).

You know pain causes all kinds of emotional upheaval? Pay attention to the pain, and try to reduce it, but don't stop riding :)

[Come Shine]

Your horse doesn't care what you do when you ride. She only cares that you love her and take care of her. And you aren't out trying to please the trainer.

And in these economic times, she is blessed to have someone looking out for her.

80% of your lessons end in tears? Yikes. Unless you are a GM student, something is very out of whack.

Sounds like your anticipation of a poor outcome is certainly adding to your tension on the drive. Can you play a relaxation tape? Can you have a sit down with the coach and talk about what is realistic to accomplish?

All the best.

[Trevelyan96]

Perhaps you sould seek medical care to determine the source of your pain. Its tough enough to ride in pain when you know exaclty where its coming from, like bad knees, bad back, etc., but your OP gave the impression that you just suddenly started expereincing pain that is now interfering with both your abilty and enjoyment of riding.

In that case, I would be sure I'd figured out the best way to take the pain out of the equation, then go back to rebuilding my with my horse.

[Petstorejunkie]

lower your expectations! if you can walk and trot and sometimes canter without crashing into walls that's a good thing and its more than what the average yahoo out there can do.
so you wont be the next olympian, big freakin deal. just because you ride doesnt mean that you HAVE to strive for perfection.

i say ditch the lessons back to once a month so you dont develop dangerous habits. equitation critique only from your instructor. if she sucks and cant make you smile, ditch her, it's your money.
find some teenager with good morals and a velcro butt to help keep your horse stimulated and happy. heck charge the teen $20 a ride if you'd like.
then go do what you want. you want to walk around the pasture? fine that's totally cool, your in your 50's and youve earned the right to ride how when and where you want.
find a place closer to your house even if that means your horse goes on pasture board to make it affordable. your horse probably likes that idea better anyway.

i boarded with a lady a bit older than you. always pissed at her body for not being what it was when she was 20. her horse was frustrated because she had a nervous defensive rider mad at her body on her back all the time. got the horse an educated riding pal, the owner a chill pill and some guidance and voila! perfect pairing once again.

hang in there. you do it because you love it. if you dont love it, change the way you do it.

[Ambrey]

lower your expectations! if you can walk and trot and sometimes canter without crashing into walls that's a good thing and its more than what the average yahoo out there can do.
so you wont be the next olympian, big freakin deal. just because you ride doesnt mean that you HAVE to strive for perfection.

Love that :)

Progress, not perfection! :yes:

[Equibrit]

I don't know that there is a requirement to ride if you own a horse. There are many other ways to enjoy them. Ground work is one, driving is another.

Chin up !

PS. Women of a certain age can benefit from a really good physical evaluation from their GP, including thyroid levels.

[mvp]

You know, if you are getting frustrated, that's one thing. If your trainer is getting frustrated, that's another. It's really important that only one of you gets in that "I give up" mood at a time.

Also, perhaps you need to change your idea about whose responsibility it is to produce a good ride. I think your trainer needs to ask your mare to step up and listen to *your* aids, such as they are. Horses can learn an amazing range of things: think of the horses ridden by truly disabled riders. If those horses can learn another "word" for canter, for example, then yours can, too.

Best of luck to you. Know there are many peeps in cyberspace who don't want to see you quit.

[wylde sage]

I understand as I too have had some nasty pains in my hips, legs, neck.
The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be! However, I just had an older
therapy horse come back into my life recently. He needs daily walks and I am
enjoying the heck out of our time together, which rarely includes riding.
We just walk down the road, he grazes and I get fresh air and a much needed
walk and thinking time.
He's like hanging around with Sean Connery I guess, set in his ways, used to be
something in his day, has a brogue...well, see, it CAN be fun!
If its a hobby, it kinda needs to be fun...let the kid that was horse crazy come
back in for awhile :cool:

[KayBee]

Don't know what your financial situation is, but can you look into a chiropracter/a massage therapist. I haven't been in a while but I was going to a neuromuscular therapist and she was AWESOME. You didn't get the ooooh relaxation of a traditional massage, but I felt like what she did stayed with me AND she gave me exercises to help stave off issues.

Other things to consider investing in: Epsom salts (hot epsom salt baths can relieve aches and pains); a heating pad; and Thermacare wraps.

I'd also talk to your trainer and mention the physical issues/your frustration. And then maybe give yourself a mental holiday from training/lessons. If your horse can go without training for a few weeks/a month, just bum around on horseback. Or, if not, maybe you have a friend or someone else at the barn who has an older horse that just needs talk-walk/to be lightly exercised? If so, switch mounts and let your friend give your horse the workout he needs.

When you get wrapped up in a knot like this, sometimes attempting to "soldier through" just pulls the knot tighter. Try a few things to help yourself unwind, both physically and mentally.

Good luck.

[Brooklyn Born]

Wow, thanks for all your support and suggestions. I am touched!!!

I have to admit I've always been very hard on myself--the type that had to straight A's in school (not that I always did). I overanalyze things, and figure I if I can intellectually understand something, then I can do it. Well, of course that does not work with horses!!!!
They are the greatest teachers of humility, and of the necessity for body awareness and strength and flexibility. My best riding moments have been when I stopped trying so hard and just felt and enjoyed what was going on.

And, as some of you mentioned, the physical pain I've been feeling have also led to more tension when I ride (and I can be a tense person to begin with because I worry about doing everything right!). I am in the process of trying to figure out what is going--my doctor is helping me. I've had a bunch of blood tests (not for Lyme disease, though--that is a good idea), and things have come back negative. I just had a bone scan for osteoporsis and am awaiting the results. I am actually on the thin side and small boned. Once I get cleared from my doctor I hope to start yoga and pilates and really work on strength and flexibility. I know I have some arthritis too (who after aged 50 doesnt!). I will get to the bottom of this--it's very frustrating! I know I am not alone though--thanks to your responses.

I wish I could move closer to my horse. Unfortunately I live near an expensive city, and can't afford to board close by. I tried a coop barn once close to my home, but it didn't work out.

I think I do need to step back and just try to enjoy my horse--Like several of you mentioned! I love fussing about with her. I'd love to just hack her around bareback. Unfortunately she hasn't been on trails yet (except for a coupld of handwalks at my old barn), and I'm too timid to be the first to take her down the road! Otherwise I would love to just take a break from just ring work and trail ride. I allow my trainer to use her in a lesson or two a week with the more advanced students, which is great for her. (She loves to jump, and I don't!).

By the way, I ride English, and board at a hunter/jumper barn, although there are dressage and western riders there too. My goals are simple--english pleasure with a centered riding edge and maybe low level dressage. Plus trail-riding, and trail patterns, and just lots of fun time with my horse!

Thanks again for all your kinds words and concerns!

[Ambrey]

Can you ask your trainer to take her out on trails or have a student take her out on trails to get her used to it?

[mew]

This is something I can relate to in a lot of ways. I have major knee issues, that have left me simply unable to do a lot of day to day things both on my horse and off. I have a supposedly world class eventing prospect horse said to me by those in the know, and he hasn't seen a saddle though minimal fault of his own for months(6+). . .But ya know what *he* could not care less about that. He doesn't care if his frame isn't perfect, he some times cares if I drop him to a fence. He mostly just cares about getting his cheese-its (he is strange I know) and going for walks.

The point of my rambling is your not letting your horse down and if you want to keep riding keep riding but in a way you enjoy. Don't let your guilt or a trainer ruin it for you.

[Whisper]

I don't have nearly the physical pain and difficulties that you do, but I've had similar frustrations. I know a few people with similar physical issues who were helped by a sidesaddle, and they're legal in standard English classes. It might be worth giving it a try. I know what you mean about wanting to ride well, or at least not to feel like I'm completely interfering with the horse! A couple of people here told me flat out to stop riding, one of my previous instructors said that I learned more slowly than any student she'd had in over 20 years, including ones with severe disabilities, and another instructor didn't want me to represent her instruction in public by showing at Intro Level Dressage, after I'd been riding with her for 3 years! Now, I do stuff like this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/82782698@N00/2176253364 For that matter, George Morris' first instructor told him to take up tennis instead!;)

Anyway, talk to your PT about ways to address the problems you're having with driving. Try to schedule your lessons so you have extra time to relax, stretch, and pamper yourself. Perhaps one of those seat warming and/or massage covers they have for cars would help?

[ReSomething]

I can relate, I'm in your age bracket and this old gray mare isn't what she used to be either. I beat myself up some days for being stiff or whatever - as other posters have said, the horses have simple wants, I need to relax and enjoy what I can. Hope that you are able to put together some program/regimen to keep comfortable and flexible - I do Yoga and need to watch my diet but don't want to beat myself up over missing my yoga or sneaking that extra muffin either - hope it all works out for you.

[Simbalism]

I'm 55 and have some of the same issues as you. I am so stiff when I get out of the car at home after riding. It's like I totally seize up on the drive home. I have a TB mare who was a hunter show horse. Now she is my old lady horse. I have done lots of bombproofing clinics to give her a been there done that persona. I still have residual fears from a bad fall with broken hip that happened years ago(different horse). Add to that overweight and not as fit as I would like. You know what my mare's favorite thing to do is? Stand with me on her in the ring and gab with the barn manager...hehe. Really though, I decided I am never going to be a great rider and have settled for just staying in the tack however I can. I dabble with all sorts of different disciplines which I think my mare really likes. We do lots of trail riding, dabble with dressage, take a hunter lesson 2-3 times per month. I have tried running barrels(really slow) and pole bending (also really slow). I've tried judged pleasure rides and trail classes. I would love to try something involving cows, either team penning or sorting. We go camping, stay at b&b's with other horsey friends. If you are finding the lessons frustrating maybe stop taking them for a while. See if you can get some of the other people from the barn to go trail riding. We have started this at the farm where I board. We were kind of hit and miss for awhile, but there are 3 of us plus barn manager who like to trail ride. We have set Fridays for a get together and trail ride date. One of the best things I did was join an active riding club and have tried all sorts of clinics and different disciplines thru the club. Your horse really doesn't care, she probably just likes any attention. Don't be so hard on yourself, take a deep breath and ride.....

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Fabulous advice from all!

First, you have a physical issue. Find out what it is and your prognosis. You don't owe excuses to ANYONE.

I will say Pilates and Yoga (and a fabulous trainer!) have made an enormous difference for me.

A friend at my barn posted a quote from an MD directed at med students but it works for us: loosely paraphrased, it offers the advice that it is okay to be imperfect. To be imperfect and to try means you are learning.

Some of my best and most relaxing and enjoyable nights at the barn are not about the riding.

[Brooklyn Born]

Thanks again for all your support and suggestions. Ambrey, I have asked my trainer and other people to take my horse on a trail ride, but I board at a show barn (not a lot of trail riders), and somehow it just doesn't happen. Your suggestion is great--I'm still working on it! And Whisper, I can't believe how cruel those people were to say such horrible things about your riding--but you proved them wrong, didn't you:) (Great pic!). And Simbalism, yes, I too, am trying lowered my goals immensely and just hope to stay in the saddle and not have people look at me in horror when I ride past them! Plus, as others have mentioned, I want to do alot of fun things with my girl, to get the "FUN" back in riding. I've thought about setting up a trail course in the ring, with a blue tarp and scary things like that-I've always loved trail challenges and equitation patterns, etc.

But of course, my most favorite thing in the world to do with my mare is to put my arms around her neck and feel her head resting on my head.....

Thanks again for reminding me what is really important about my relationship to horses, and my horse in particular. I will never ride like the many great riders at my barn, but I will always take the best of care of my horse and love her with all my heart . I'll always strive to be a soft effective rider, but I'll have to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes. And hope my mare does too. Especially now when I feel a bit subpar physically and, consequently, mentally too. I admire all of you who are dealing with similar and even more challenging issue and keep horses in your life!!!

[anabug]

Don't let this beat you! If you are uncomfortable in lessons, maybe forego them for a while until you feel better. Take some relaxing trail rides, or just go at your own pace. Continue what you learned in PT to help with the sciatic pain. You know you would feel even worse without a horse.

[kpony]

I would let my trainer know what is going on and ask to go back and work on something easier... even the most basic things can be worked on and improved (and enjoyed!) Maybe take a few days off and just handwalk, groundwork, or vacation from the barn. Once the cycle of frustration is broken you'll be moving forward again. If the pain issues are unmanagable though they have to come first.

[flea]

Besides the physical problems, which sound very unpleasant and hopefully you will find the cause, this menopausal thing is bad. But it gets better. I am 58 and feel a lot better now than I did a few years ago. Both mentally and physically. So hang in there and just pleasure ride for a while.

[DancingQueen]

Oh good god that is terrible! I'm only in my thirties but I had what you call sciatic (?) pain, a pinched nerve that would make me hurt or tingle all the way down to my left knee. I had to set the alarm to 6am so I could wake up and take some heavy duty painkillers (then snooze for a while), so I would be able to put my own socks and shoes on in the morning. It's brutal!:no:

Sittng in a car or driving is supposedly just about the worst thing you can do for this kind of stuff.
I'm guessing that you are comitted to your barn and don't want to/can't relocate to a closer barn?

My only suggestion is to try to make the best of it. Get there an hour early, bring your dog and take him for a walk before you even try to get on. Get yourself one of those wooden ball net kind of things that some taxi driver have and/or put a hotpack on your back before you get in the car. Maybe the massaging backpad thing that they sometimes sell in the inflight magazines?
Your doctor or your physio-therapist should be able to advice you on what works best when you have to drive.
Adjusting your car seat to put you in a more upright position or putting a shaped pillow on the seat to reangle the position of your hips to be closer to that of when you are standing up could help a little.

Ride with a back brace if you don't already and don't be afraid of using painkillers to help you out as long as you a, stick to physical and stay away from the stuff thast makes you slow and stupid (don't want that on horseback) b, don't overextend yourself just because you don't feel pain for a while.
Pain killers are not bad as they sometimes relax you a little bit, that is generally good and helps your body heal. Back pain can bring tension with it that in itself will make the pain/issue linger much longer.

When rding you might be comfortable on one diagonal and in pain on the other, in pain on one lead and fine on the other. Try to stay away from anything that hurts even if it means only cantering on the left lead for a few weeks or posting on the wrong diagonal.
Don't give up riding but let somebody else work on the sitting trot for a while! LOL

Back pain is no joke and could turn ugly, again best is to ask your doctor or your own physio-therapist about your limits. You might want to tell them that you are an active athlete and ask them if there's anything extra they can do for you. As long as it doesn't compromise loing term healing of course.
Tell them what you do and refer to yourself as an athlete to make sure they get it (or find somebody who nrides themselves and get it on their own) if they say stay home for two weeks and do nothing, take their word for it! Don't try to repaint the livingroom just because you have an extra three hourse a day to kill! (guilty of that, I felt fine, living room looks great but I had a relapse towards the end that set me back a good 10 days :-(

Keep your back warm and supple at all times, get a heating pad and see if you can't get a prescription for regular massages so your insurance will cover it. Make your husband do it on the days when you don't have an appointment. Probably won't do any good but it will feel great! LOL

On the menopause thing, can't say I know a whole lot about it yet but my dad got prostate cancer last year and was put on heavy hormones to starve the cancer. He says he can relate completely now (when it's completely after the fact for my mom), all he wanted to do was eat and cry! LOL He also went on and on about the hotflashes (curiously enough mom never mentioned them at all, (thinking we are in fact the stronger sex)) and I'm now frightened to death about the whole thing!


Either way, do what you have to do, just don't quit riding until you absolutely have to, it's probably what keeps you sane and loving life in the midst of this mess! ;-)

[Brooklyn Born]

Thanks again for all the great advice and support. I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday, and hope we can start to find out what is going on physically. It makes me mad because I used to be so flexible and pretty strong for my size. Plus the chronic pain affects my moods and makes me tenser--not good things for a successful ride!

DancingQueen--yes, sciatica and driving is no fun!!! I have heated seats in my car and sometimes put the head on (even when the air conditioner is on!). Thanks for the tips. ANd I hope your dad is doing better and has a complete recovery. Poor man--having hot flashes!!

[Whisper]

I had PT for sciatia (due to a work-related injury) a few years ago, that included heat, massage with a special machine, and a TENS unit. The worst of it was resolved in about 2 months, but I still occasionally have trouble with that hip if I overdo.

Thanks for the compliment on my vaulting - it's a lot of fun, and it feels like I'm constantly having breakthroughs and making good progress in at least one area!

[pony4me]

Many older riders see a chiro every month or two. It makes a world of difference. One doctor in our city seems to work on all of the serious riders. He's wonderful, and does a lot to keep us in the saddle. Ask around at your barn, and see if someone will recommend someone.

Being competitive and hard on oneself is difficult at an older age. I find that my mind and soul want to do what I was not able to do in my 20's and 30's due to finances, work, family and generally being clueless. Now, in my 50's I've figured out what I want to do, how to afford it, almost have enough time, and oh crap, my body isn't on board.

As for the fun factor, I find that riding bareback, even if it's just around the barn and paddocks, is very nice. It's not exactly a trail ride, but it's enjoyable. Also think about your competitive goals. I set some high goals for this year. Through luck and hard work (too hard) I have achieved them, but I am already thinking of next year. And we are backing off! My trainer may think we should be moving up, but it ain't gonna happen. I am not exactly conceding defeat, but this year was a hit upside the head reality check for me.

Best of luck to you! Hang in there and enjoy!

[Brooklyn Born]

THanks again everyone, and Pony4me, i am thinking of riding my girl bareback for awhile. I did that with my previous horse and had some of my best riding moments. I hear it is great for establishing a secure and balanced seat. Plus it is fun!

[LittleMissCan'tBeWrong]

I know exactly how you are feeling...I have been feeling the same way lately. I had a 3rd surgery this year and haven't quite bounced back from it and on top of that I'm starting to have some other isses that are starting to interfere with my riding. I love riding love my horse she has talent to boot but she is also far from easy to ride and lately haven't been having good rides at all...to the point where it just isn't fun and I've wondered multiple times if I should sell her to someone who can have fun with her talent but as of right now I'm trying to stick with it and hope that somehow it will all work out because I will admit...I get b!tchy when I'm not riding...hang in there! and try to make a positive out of the smallest accomplishments...good luck!

[Brooklyn Born]

I totally understand! I am ashamed of my riding lately, especially in the outdoor ring. where there are a lot more distractions--for both of us. You've had three surgeries, wow! Be patient with yourself. I'm sure you are still in a lot of pain. The people on this board have been so supportive, reminding me that my horse will love me despite my far less than perfect riding. Your horse still loves you too. I hope stay with it too. I can't tell you how many times I have thought that i need to sell my horse to a better, braver rider. I'm doing it now. But there is this faint voice deep inside of me that won't let me let go of her yet. Faint at it is, it roars at me at my weakest moments and straightens my spine! You hang in there too!

[AKB]

You might be happier at a different barn. Some barns attract a lot of older men and women who just want to trail ride and do limited ring work. The barn down the street from us is that kind of a barn. Trainers/instructors come into the barn to teach, but most of the boarders only take lessons if they have a specific issue that they want solved. I think it would be hard to ride at a competition barn if you don't plan to compete.

[joiedevie99]

Your horse could care less whether he gets to jump big jumps or walk around with you. He's happy, well fed, and cared for. I ride at a big competitive dressage barn, and one of the ladies I typically see in the ring every morning before work has a super lovely big, upper level horse. It really bothered her that she was keeping her horse from traveling to the big shows and showing everyone his full potential. It was really holding her back, and she wasn't even enjoying her progress - which at times was large- mastering the leg yield, cantering a round, balanced 20m circle. Finally her trainer sat her down and explained that pookie could care less if he gets to practice pirouettes, learn how to jump, becomes a saddle seat horse, or goes on walk trail rides every day. If you tell him he's a good boy and scratch his withers, he feels the same sense of well-being whether he accomplished walking over a ditch on the trail, or a line of flying changes, or just stood on the cross-ties.

Do whatever makes you happy, your horse will understand. He will also understand if you don't want to ride for two days and he gets to relax.

If you want a competitive goal, try a trail class at a local show, or go to a dressage show and ride intro- no cantering required. You can download the test from the USEF site and practice it as long as you want until you feel ready. If it sucks, pat your horse and tell him he was a good boy and he won't know the difference! You can always try again tomorrow.

[LouLove]

I have a herniated disk that resulted in sciatic pain. It just got better after about 1.5 years of pain. My doctor told me not to ride, but I did. Walking and walking and lots more walking. It really helped and mentally relieved me. I knew I couldn't really do more, so when I accepted that, I just walked my mare for months.

I think sometimes the boarding environment we are in also really affects us. If we are amongst high achieving riders, it makes us feel inadequate when we are just doing the basics. You may get those talking and whispering about your skill. And if they aren't, you might think that they are, and feel pressure to do better and achieve much more than you might be mentally ready for.

I am a timid but experienced rider. I just got a new horse. An off the track Standardbred. I am focusing on the walk because I want to take it slow and get his muscle groups working properly. I am also hesitant to do a lot at once because of my nature. So I do have people asking, "When are you going to trot him? When are you cantering him? Do more lungeline work." I just shrug and declare, "I am in no rush. I want to do it right." They may roll their eyes, but at the end of the day, I really don't care. :) I want a happy horse, and a happy horse needs a relaxed and happy rider!

Give yourself a break. Get a diagnosis (herniated disks can only be diagnosed with MRI. I had the exact same symptoms as you did) and on the road to recovery. If you have to groom your mare and walk her under saddle for a year, oh well, this too shall pass. Riding is a lifelong journey, not a 30-day training session.

Good Luck!

LL

[Brooklyn Born]

Yes, I really need to find out what is causing this pain--I have a feeling some of it is disc-related and I will be getting an MRI soon. I feel like once I can find out what is causing the pain, I can really address it and hope to feel better, which will definitely affect my riding (hopefully!). One nasty side effect of chronic pain that I wouldn't have anticipated was how it affects me mentally--I get easily discouraged and tired, and my thinking isn't always clear--wait, maybe that's the menopause!!!! I am at a show barn, but it's really not a high pressure one, and not everyone shows. Of course I am always self-conscious when I ride because there are some very fine riders at my barn! (but that is my problem).

I, too, am a timid, experienced rider and have learned accept my own pace. Especially now, when, because of my pain issues, I am even more afraid of falling.

anyway, I'm running on now.... just wanted to thank everyone again for their suggestions and for sharing their own "painful" experiences.

[Bogie]

I have severe piriformis pain caused by driving, so I do know what you're experiencing!

Piriformis/sciatic pain is very difficult to get rid of once you've got it.

What's helped for me is the bridge (http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/how-to-do-the-pilates-bridge-exercise.seriesId-101964.html) yoga pose with this modification: once you are in the bridge, lift one leg off of the ground and hold it for a count of say, 3. When you get stronger, you can hold your leg out straight, parallel to the ground.

The other things that helped me were to 1) buy a back support for the car so I was sitting properly and 2) changing the angle of my seat so that my thigh position changes during a ride.

As for the lessons? Ditch the trainer and ride for fun for awhile.

If you and your horse want to start exploring the trails, make it an adventure. You don't have to ride at first; take your horse for a nice walk and get her used to it.

Riding should be fun and your instructor does not sound like she read that part of the instruction manual.

[JackSprats Mom]

One nasty side effect of chronic pain that I wouldn't have anticipated was how it affects me mentally--I get easily discouraged and tired, and my thinking isn't always clear--wait, maybe that's the menopause!!!!

This is something most poeple that aren't in chronic pain don't get BUT THERE IS HELP...go talk to your doctor about depression. While it won't make the pain go away it will ease it (alot of nerve pain is treated with low level anti depressant meds) and it will help you get out of the 'funk' you're in.

Also, take a break from lessons, sometimes lesson can compound the feeling that your riding is horrible, after all its their job as trainers to point out the issues (and help you correct them). This may not be a good time for lessons while you get better.

As for getting some trail experience on your horse I would do two things a) put a shout out on COTH and see if anyone close has a steady eddy you can ride and they might be willing to ride your horse.
b) hire someone you trust at the barn/or someone you trust off craigslist to take your horse out a few times. Craigs list and word of mouth can be a great way of finding a horselss young person who would love to get your mare trail broke.

Take a deep breath and remember this isn't about your horse or riding this is about you being in pain and going through menopause. At this stage I would say don't do anything major (like sell your horse) for six months.

Good luck

[magnolia73]

I think your post is the saddest thing I have read in so long. I want to hug you and I bet your horse does to!

The list of "shameful" cruel things to do to a horse do not include letting them go past your aides or being less steady in the tack. They do not include putting your horse on an easy program of toodle around. Shameful, cruel things are beating the horse, ripping on the reins, pushing a horse too hard, making a horse miserable in a too hard job.

If you asked most horses, I honestly think the happiest ones are those with caring, educated riders that don't make them work that hard. We think that horses have some grand goals of making Grand Prix or being 3' local hunter champion. Honestly- they want consistent care, and time with their friends, with a big meadow of grass.

You are not letting your horse down by only having the energy for a short hack or not having great control of your aids. Your horse is not watching the junior rider's horse jumping oxers with some degree of envy.

Sometimes our horses need to step up and provide US with therapy. You are hurting- your horse is well loved and cared for. Go out- enjoy your ride, and if your horse bulges or cuts a corner- take it for what it is- a horse not listening to your aids. That's all- it isn't the horse not liking you or being disappointed in your riding. It probably is frustrating for you, but please dismiss the idea that you are somehow hurting your horse. Everyday, many people get on horses and have communication issues. So what? You are one of them for a while. Lots of people not in pain can't quite communicate in the tack either.

I hope you feel better soon, and honestly, IMO, it is time to find a new barn. I used to be at a barn with people who did not show and "focus"... rather they enjoyed their horses whether in a round pen, on a trail, walking in the ring, jumping logs or just grooming.

Take Care