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View Full Version : My mare's nightmare- LONG story, please read


springer
Aug. 14, 2009, 07:34 PM
This is a situation that has been bothering me for about 6 months. I had a nightmare about it last night and it's haunting me. I miss her terribly and I know she didn't deserve the fate she got.
Dancer, the mother of my precious 2 yr old Balta Czar filly (who I write about regularly on these forums) was a gorgeous 20 yr old TB mare who had supposedly been abused. She was under the care of my vet's office manager (which makes this story even more bizarre) for about 10 yrs. This same woman boarded my TB (Springer) who I shipped out here from Florida, for about 2 yrs until I moved here myself. She used to do equine rescue. She even took my TB sight unseen (I was still out of state at the time) from a bad boarding situation out here; went and picked him up, without even knowing me, in the middle of a really bad icey winter.
I AM getting to the point here, promise! Fast forward 1- 1/2 years. I move here, and finally am able to take Springer to my own property. I need a companion for him, so Dancer seemed like a good choice, and she gave Dancer to me, papers and all. This mare was once raced and broke but somewhere in her past became very distrustful and flighty so I never attemped to do much with her. She did get to where she was somewhat affectionate with me and would let me handle and halter her, but no one else really understood her and just really thought she was a b!#ch.
I decided to breed her (before I hear any comments about that- her filly is as sweet, trusting & laid back as can be!) Nevertheless my husband was not fond of her (nor was anyone else but me for that matter) and when her filly was about a year old I mentioned to the same woman that I would be open to placing her, only if I could find a great home for her. Without hesitation, she told me she would take her back. My husband couldn't get the trailer hooked up fast enough! Let me just say that the woman was going through a nasty divorce along with some other issues- but still had one of her original horses and Dancer was to be a companion for that horse. She had taken wonderful care of Dancer in the past, and my own horse as well. All of her other horses had long since been placed in other homes. She was now big into dog breeding and showing.
I speak with this woman regularly since she works for my vet, so I would always ask about Dancer and it sounded like things were going along just fine. As winter progressed she mentioned that Dancer was being a bit dominant with her gelding, but never did I get the idea that the situation wasn't working for her. (I had always maintained that if it wasn't working out that I would take her back) Around March I got a phone call out of the blue, asking if she could have Dancer's papers back. Of course I said fine. Then she asked me to bring the papers to the Missoula stockyards the next day, that Dancer had gone to auction!!!!!!!!!!!!! She told me she already knew the potential buyer, that it was a good home. (YEAH, RIGHT- how naive can I get) I, not being familiar with the whole auction process, was completely oblivious to what was going on. I go to the stockyards the next day. I ask to see Dancer. (Note: Dancer, when delivered to this woman, was fat, shiny and gorgeous- 5 months previous) Dancer was skinny and in very poor condition. I hardly recognized her. I totally freaked out and got my husband on the phone. He didn't want her back, but regardless, our trailer was still iced in (we live in the mountains). I still technically owned Dancer so I immediately pulled her from the auction (figured out pretty quick how things worked- that she would be going to the killer) and tried to figure something out. I was crying and begging my husband but he didn't know what to do- and something had to be done that day. In the end I made the decision to have her euthanized. I have been beating myself up over this ever since. I really loved that mare (I was the only one in the world who did, obviously). But on short notice all I could think of was keeping her from going to auction. Looking back I think I could have insisted to my husband that we hire someone to bring her home, even though he was against it. The woman insisted that she had been feeding Dancer and that she thought something was wrong with her (um- you work for a vet, idiot!). I now think the woman had gone completely insane.
Anyway, I know this is a very long story but I thought writing about it might clear my mind a bit. Any comments from you COTHers are welcome. I just wish I had Dancer back now.
Thanks in advance for reading this!

vineyridge
Aug. 14, 2009, 07:38 PM
This, I think, is most loving horse people's nightmare. You have my deepest condolences, and I cring to think that something like this could so very easily happen to one of mine.

Molly Malone
Aug. 14, 2009, 07:42 PM
You gave her a quick, painless exit. No more could be asked of you.

vita_impavida
Aug. 14, 2009, 07:57 PM
She was very lucky to have you in her life. You did the best thing for her, even though it was the harder thing for you.

My deepest sympathy and condolences.

YankeeLawyer
Aug. 14, 2009, 08:27 PM
I think you did the best you could for her. I think it is incredibly fortunate that you had held onto her papers and that the woman called for them before the mare met a worse fate.

Penthilisea
Aug. 14, 2009, 08:36 PM
Thank goodness you were able to give her a safe and peaceful passing, rather then the trauma and fear of auction and what would surely follow. It's not perhaps the ideal you wanted for her, but it's the minimum we all would wish for any of our horses. Ya did ok, ok? Sometimes, thats the best we can do.

pucky
Aug. 14, 2009, 09:39 PM
Thank goodness you were able to give her a safe and peaceful passing, rather then the trauma and fear of auction and what would surely follow. It's not perhaps the ideal you wanted for her, but it's the minimum we all would wish for any of our horses. Ya did ok, ok? Sometimes, thats the best we can do.

Well said. So sorry.

carosello
Aug. 14, 2009, 09:51 PM
I would first have to question the intentions of this woman...why the need for the papers, for you to deliver them to the stock yard? It seems you were set up by her to do something with the mare.

I would not feel guilty for what you did. You were there for her when she needed you most, you made sure she wasnt disposed of as so many others are. Euthanasia is one of the kindest things we can do for our old or sick animals. I would rather a day too early than a day too late.

bloomingtonfarm
Aug. 14, 2009, 09:56 PM
Don't beat you up. The light just went of for her, she did not suffer and left our world quietly without any pain. She did not even realised it.

It is always the one who stay that realise and suffer. Your mare is fine and now you have to be the same, to make peace with this decision which was very kind.

Sugarbrook
Aug. 14, 2009, 10:36 PM
I totally agree with what Bloomingtonfarm said and exactly what i would have posted. YA DID GOOD and i am proud of you.

Laurierace
Aug. 14, 2009, 10:37 PM
You ended her nightmare. That is an incredible gift in my opinion. The only thing that doesn't make sense besides the woman turning into an asshat out of the blue is why she wanted the papers. Whenever I have seen a horse go through the ring at New Holland and get sold to the meat man they throw the papers in the trash if the papers are there.

magicteetango
Aug. 14, 2009, 10:49 PM
Not every story ends with a happy ever after. Not for every horse, not for every person. But in the end, you did right by that mare. You allowed her to leave this world with dignity, and never have to suffer again.

Please don't lose sleep over this, do you have any idea how many would have turned their back and walked away? Plenty, like the woman who was caring for her. Thank you for being there for her, and doing the right thing when the woman who had known her for so long did not.

springer
Aug. 14, 2009, 11:13 PM
You ended her nightmare. That is an incredible gift in my opinion. The only thing that doesn't make sense besides the woman turning into an asshat out of the blue is why she wanted the papers. Whenever I have seen a horse go through the ring at New Holland and get sold to the meat man they throw the papers in the trash if the papers are there.

I agree, that part is a mystery. The only thing I can think of is that they needed me (as the owner) to sign her over to the auction. ( They were waiting for me when I got there to do the paperwork) The woman had signed the JC papers over to me so she may not have had the authority to do it. I also owned the brand so her brand inspection was in my name.
BTW... thank you guys so much for your kind words. I still feel as if, had I been thinking more clearly, I could have found a way to get her out of there, even if it meant taking her to a friends' place or something. I was also not there when my vet euthanized her, and I should have been. But you guys are great to be so supportive. Love you COTH guys!

Here is a photo of Dancer with her baby Prairie:
<a href="http://s929.photobucket.com/albums/ad140/bonneval/?action=view&current=HPIM0007.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i929.photobucket.com/albums/ad140/bonneval/HPIM0007.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Rancho del Marr
Aug. 14, 2009, 11:32 PM
Sounds like she might have had a rough life. She was lucky to have found you and for you to have saved her the way you did in the end. Yes, you did right by her.

P.S. Love the photo!! :)

Home Again Farm
Aug. 15, 2009, 02:10 PM
Don't beat you up. The light just went of for her, she did not suffer and left our world quietly without any pain. She did not even realised it.

It is always the one who stay that realise and suffer. Your mare is fine and now you have to be the same, to make peace with this decision which was very kind.

I could not have said it better. Hugs to you, Springer. :yes:

DownYonder
Aug. 15, 2009, 02:15 PM
I think you did the best you could for your mare, and you certainly did the right thing to grant her an easy exit from this world instead of a life of uncertainty, fear, and pain. Be at peace with your decision. Your mare would probably thank you if she could.

Daventry
Aug. 15, 2009, 03:27 PM
Euthanasia is one of the kindest things we can do for our old or sick animals. I would rather a day too early than a day too late.

:yes::sadsmile::cry::yes:

Ainsley
Aug. 17, 2009, 01:17 PM
You did a wonderful thing for your mare: you let her leave with dignity and respect. That is the most we can do for our beloved animals. Sending hugs to you and please don't beat yourself up over this. Keep reminding yourself that you gave her a huge gift and you gave her the best life (and passing) that you possibly could: you loved her - even if she was a b*tchy old lady. :yes: :)

Condolences and congratulations to you for doing the honourable thing. We don't always have to be present for them to know we love them.

Jennifer

Foxtrot's
Aug. 17, 2009, 02:07 PM
I also think you did the right thing. When horses go out of your hands they are potentially on the slippery slope to who knows what and with a difficult mare even more likely. Put it behind you and know you had few options. Not sure of the woman's state of mind thinking you would go to the auction with the papers for her though...did she think you had given the mare to her?

aspenlucas
Aug. 17, 2009, 03:41 PM
Hugs to you. I hope I'm never in that situation, but I think what you did was the best you could do for her at that point.

kookicat
Aug. 17, 2009, 03:53 PM
{{hugs}}