Getting from the euth. decision to the appt

[veebug22]

Today I think I made the most difficult decision of my life, and I didn't know I would when I started the day. I've spent the last 10 months or so battling a severe case of Lyme with my mare. Her symptoms have been extreme lameness, weight loss, depression, and hypersensitivy (she couldn't tolerate even being touched by someone's hand - blanket changing was horrible). The lameness is the main issue. We've done two rounds of IV, one of them intended to be 30 days but she ripped a number of catheters out and would no longer tolerate IV. She had almost no response to oral doxy. She did respond to oral tetracycline, but she returned to lameness. Of course, none of these treatments have had much effect on her very high titre, so we've been monitoring progress by her symptoms. She has spent most of the last 10 months on IV or oral doxy/tetracycline (developed ulcer symptoms of course) and even homeopathic remedies, and I've reached about $4000 in treatment costs. My vet has worked with Dr. Divers at Cornell, and I'm very familiar with Lyme and have done a lot of research into similar cases. My vet advised me awhile ago this may be a quality of life issue. Even when we get her sound and keep her on meds for awhile afterward, she always quickly plummets downhill again after coming off them. We can't keep her on antibiotics indefinitely, although I've heard of other cases like hers where this was the long-term prognosis. I can't afford another $1000 with no surety that she will even be pasture sound. Right now I would consider her barely pasture sound, visibly off, and quickly headed downhill. I think I've reached that point where I am emotionally and financially exhausted, and she seems tired too. The part of me that loves her wants to give her every chance -- she is so fancy and talented, and I have rested so many hopes and dreams on her. My head, however, says it's time, and I'm not in the financial position to put more into this. My husband is deployed right now with the Navy. He has been very supportive and never questioned me putting another $1000 toward her. While he works hard to put money aside and pay off bills, I've used my extra money for almost a year toward a horse with no sure future, and I don't think I can justify it even to myself anymore. It's so unfair to him. Of course, husband called me today from the Middle East (where his submarine is right now) right after I had decided. It was the first time we've talked in two months. I swear, God has these things planned.

To make the decision more difficult, I bought my mare from a very good friend, who I know doesn't want me to put her down and wants to give her every chance. I do too. I just let my friend know what I'm thinking and offered her to said friend if she wants her back to try further treatment herself. In part this is difficult for me, because I really feel the best choice for my mare is to give her peace. I've tried to explain to my friend why I don't think retiring her to pasture life is the best choice, but it's so hard to explain this to someone who is emotionally invested but hasn't seen her struggles.

Originally when my vet suggested euthanasia I thought, "No way!" I didn't think I could look her in her eyes and do it. She was perfectly healthy and sound in every other way. Her joints still x-rayed clean. Now, I look at her and feel like this is best. Friends have told me that I've done a lot more for her than most people would have.

I don't know how to get from making this decision, to getting up the courage to call the vet, to handling my friend's grief and the tremendous guilt I feel toward her, the euthanasia appointment, and then at the same time I feel relief, and that makes me feel guilty too. I've spent the last year laying awake at night, watching her every movement and symptoms while at the barn, breaking down at the most inopportune moments as she regressed back to hobbling in from the paddock. I know I'd rather do it too soon rather than too late. I know this is the best choice. I know she lives in the moment, and in this moment, and probably most of her future moments, she will be uncomfortable, and only increase in uncomfortability. I don't even know how to explain this to the vet -- we recently moved, and I haven't had the vet in my area (whom I used years ago) come out to us since moving, so I'm going to have to explain why I'm doing it to her as well. I know all of this is just one foot in front of another, one day at a time kind of stuff. I just thought I'd come here since I know so many of you been through similar situations.

[2DogsFarm]

Sorry you have to deal with this.
It is never an easy decision even when it is obviously the only one.

You mention your friend offering to take the mare back - why not consider that?
Being a pasture ornament is not a bad life for a horse.
Are you concerned friend would not consider euthing if the mare got worse?
If that's the case then go ahead and do what your gut tells you is the right thing.
And a feeling of relief should not cause you guilt - taking care of someone ill is very stressful on the caregiver.

[mvp]

First, know that you have done right by this mare while she was in your care. Someone will be the last owner of a horse and there is a great deal to be said for handling the end of the animal's life well. No matter what you decide, so long as you put the mare's quality of life first, you can't go wrong.

Second, the mare is *yours*. You have made a decision. Yes, offer her to someone else who wants to take on the unenviable burden you now hold. But if you don't think they'll do a better job (not in terms of saving her, but of weighing the pros of treatment versus her quality of life), then that's not the right person.

What you need is a friend who will do the footwork for you, not second guess. Can you have someone else make the phone calls? I did something similar for a friend who had lost a horse to colic the night before. She wanted the mare buried with another horse of hers and just didn't think she could call the shipper/burial guy without bursting into tears. I cried with her for awhile. Then I got her credit card number, called the vet clinic and the guy and set it all up.

If someone else is ordering euthanasia, the treating vet may need something in writing from you. Perhaps your buddy can write that short letter and simply give it to you to sign.

Really, you have done the hard part. The arrangements will be hard for you, but not so tough for someone else. Pick the right person and ask for help.

I have ideas about how I'd like a euthanasia experience to go for my horse when the time comes. I have thought about this because I find value in the project of giving a horse the absolute best life, up to his last breath. Perhaps your friend can also help you think about how you want that to go. If you have made a positive plan that will be best for your mare, it will be easier than where you are now-- knowing she's not doing well alive, but thinking of euthanasia as entirely bad.

Best of luck to you.

[lovemyoldguy]

I just went through this with my old gelding, and I understand the situation you're in. I'm so sorry that you're facing this decision.

To be very honest, when I read your post my first thought was, "It's time." You've done everything possible to treat your mare, and it sounds like she's telling you that she's tired. I, too, racked up thousands in vet bills last year and at the end we were all exhausted...me, the horse and my wallet. It's an absolutely agonizing decision to have to make, but you know your horse best and you need to trust your gut instinct. From my experience, if you're at the point that you're thinking, "She's tired, and I think it's time to let her go"....then it is.

It's very, very difficult when someone else doesn't agree with your feelings. While I completely understand the desire to try everything to help your mare - even if it's with her former owner - I don't think it would necessarily be in the mare's best interest. It sounds like you've been the one slogging through the day to day fight, and you know your mare better than anyone else at this point. If you think she's tired, wouldn't it be better to give her the ultimate gift of peace rather than have someone else extend the battle?

I hope I'm not coming across as harsh :no: because I think you've done such an amazing job trying to help your girl. Sometimes we just can't fix them, no matter how much time and money and medicine and love we throw at them. It's an agonizing, gut-wrenching decision to have to make. I know that once I did, though, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

One thing that helped me was that my vet's office handled the logistics of the situation for me - they called the crematorium and made all the arrangements, which was super helpful b/c I sobbed any time I tried to talk about it. Can your vet's team help you with the details? Or do you have a friend who can make the necessary calls for you?

Again, I'm so very sorry that you're facing this decision. It's the price we pay for loving these big beasts; and it's also the greatest gift we will ever give them.

[RackOn]

You know your mare the best, and if you feel that it is time for her to go, then let her go. Why consider giving her to your friend? It is your horse and you know what is best.

If you lose that friend over this then she wasn't really a friend to begin with.

Call your current vet and tell him/her that your prior vet suggested euthanasia and you agree. Once you make that one call to your vet the other decisions will be easier.

I've had to put down two horses in my lifetime. The second horse my vet and I had been working on for 2 years to make him sound. Finally I asked him - is there a moral issue in putting down a pasture sound horse and he said not in his book. I said OK then and I called the office and made an appointment.

This horse had severe arthritis in his knees and was only 10 years old. I couldn't justify spending the $50,000 or so to keep him around for the next 10-15 years. His life was good and his death was peaceful. We should all be so lucky.

When the vet came out he went behind the barn and I stayed in the house and cried. Within an hour the rendering truck came and I asked the driver if I needed to go behind the barn and he said no.

There have been many threads on here about being with your horse at the time of euth, but myself, I preferred not to see it and have no regrets.

When it was over there was sadness but after a time also relief.

You also have a strong feeling that it is time for your mare to go. You have done so much for her that you should not feel regret or remorse over your decision.

Don't tell your friend; call the vet, make the arrangements, prepare for some tears and then just get through it and you will feel relieved and peaceful that you made the right decision.

If your friend gets mad that you didn't tell her just say it was too difficult to talk about and again, if she is a real friend she will understand. If she stays mad - too bad, who needs that anyway.

Good luck.

[pintopiaffe]

and then at the same time I feel relief, and that makes me feel guilty too.

Please, do not feel guilty about the relief. That is part of what shows it's time. :sadsmile:

When I put my grand old Gem of a Trak mare down, it was on a 'good' day, but she'd been getting stuck down at night. I did not want her to suffer shock, hypothermia etc., if she were to get stuck down when I was at work. There was more, but that's the gist of it.

It always is heart wrenching. But when I left the vet, with an empty trailer, the relief that I felt alongside the grief was measurable. When I arrived home, it was confirmed for me.

The other two girls were in with her 6 month old son. He'd been 'day' weaned, but never entirely separated from her. All of them should have been frantic upon my return with the trailer. Every single one of them was flat out, in deep sleep. I really think they too had been worrying, and loosing sleep over her... the peace and contentment among THEM proved to me that *my* relief was not wrong.

You have done well by her. Now, you are also doing well by her.

I am so sorry... the "time in between" is bittersweet. Spend it loving and being loved. That is all they ask for afterall.

[Coreene]

In your heart you know it's right. You are the one who can end her pain, and it will be a huge relief for HER - that's what you need to remember when you feel guilty. Your friend is looking at this with emotions, not with common sense. She will get over it. I applaud you for putting your mare first. To put her down is a kindness far too few have the backbone for, and what a true horsewoman would do.

[deltawave]

All of these emotions are normal. Stick with this thought: you are this poor mare's advocate, her defender, her VOICE. Focus on doing what's right for her. It may turn out to be difficult for your friend, difficult AND a relief for you, full of second thoughts--but if you just focus on what is right for my horse you can almost never make a bad decision. Good luck, I'm sorry for you and your mare. :(

[foundationmare]

Veebug,

My heart breaks for you. I don't know you but want to give you hugs and support.

I offer little other than to echo the truly lovely and wise advice from those who have already posted. Honestly, there are some amazing people on this BB and you have just heard from them. Heed their sage words.

I especially support the need to select a good friend who will take care of the details for you so you are freed up to concentrate on making your final hours beautiful and memorable ones. Your mare has asked you for help over the bridge - believe me, she has - and you are doing the right thing to honor her final need.

Bless you and don't hesitate to come back here for sympathy and understanding when you need us.

Hugs to you and your beloved gal.

[equineartworks]

(((hugs))) You'll make the right choice because you love your mare. You know it is about her...not you.

So sorry you have to go through this. ((((hugs))))

[HenryisBlaisin']

FWIW, I think you're making the right decision. What's right isn't always what's easy, but from what you have said, taking the money, the husband, and the friend out of it for a few minutes, you have a horse who isn't getting better, despite extensive treatment. If you have exhausted your options, and it sounds like you have, and her titers have not improved, what are the odds that they are going to with more treatment? I'm sure you've already asked your vet this already, and it sounds as though the vet agrees. As you have said, your mare is tired of fighting, too-and that, for me, is the part that makes the decision.

There is no act of love bigger than this one, to end her suffering though it will only increase your own.

I agree that you need to have a friend to support you through it-for me, that was my trainer. For me, making the decision was agonizing. my horse was in pain all the time, and had stopped really "being a horse." He couldn't it run and play with his herd, and when the day came that he didn't even want to hobble down for his grain-that was the day I knew his heart wasn't in the fight anymore, and the decision still hurt immeasurably. But after the call, it was easier. My trainer (also my BO) helped far beyond any obligation to a boarder. She arranged to have him buried on the farm (I know this isn't legal everywhere) and her husband borrowed a backhoe and dug the hole, and they didn't charge me a penny. I was able to spend the last days of his life focusing on him, and not on details, thanks to them, and it helped. I spent the last day grooming my boy and feeding him treats and grain-all the things he loved, because they couldn't hurt him now. I brushed and combed him until he shone. I led him out to the spot when the vet arrived, and I stayed with him throughout the procedure. Today, he is buried along the farm's cross-country course, always a part of the action.

[PletchersMom]

Its never easy making that decision, and if you feel you are making it in the best interest in the horse (which you are), then the heck with your friend, this is your horse now, do what is right for the horse. If your friend doesnt understand, than she is not a very good friend (IMO). Is all about the horse!!

[veebug22]

Thank you everyone, I can't tell you how much your posts have meant to me. I'm trying to set up an appointment to euthanize her tomorrow afternoon. My barn owner, who is also a dear friend and owns the mare's full brother and at one point her mother as well, and has known her since she was born, has arranged for a backhoe and we're burying her on the property. I never thought Lyme, of all things, would bring us to this. But I do know it's the best choice. She's not even completely comfortable as a pasture ornament, and it will only get worse. When she's at her worst, like last winter, it took her awhile to just summon the energy to hobble across her paddock and come meet me at the gate. More often than not, she wanted me to come get her in the middle of her paddock and bring her in. Then we walked inside very slowly. Usually she trots up to the gate or is waiting for me. When she is on antibiotics, she's that same horse again. She has energy and is vivacious. When she comes off meds, she goes downhill again. My vet has told me that there is no guarantee she will ever be pasture sound, even with more treatment. The peace I feel about the decision tells me it's the right one, although I'm in a fog at the moment and don't know how I'm going to deal with the actual euthanasia. I don't want to be there for the burial, although I am going to be there when she is euthanized. My gelding is extremely attached to her, and I'm going to let him sniff her body. I'm hoping this will help him, as right now he can't cope at all when he's separated from her (they are embarrassingly co-dependent). I'm going to spend tomorrow afternoon fussing over her and giving her treats.

My friend has said that she's not in a position to treat her further either, and she understands the decision. It's not the important factor here, but since she's a close friend, it is good to see her partaking in the decision. I don't want her to feel like this has been done to her -- she's not the owner anymore and hasn't been there day-to-day through the illness, but she watched the mare born and owned her for 10 years or so, and I know she is going to be very affected by it as well. When I take all the other factors out of this I know it's the best choice, but it is also good to know that even with combined resources, we've done all we could.

Thanks again -- I know the struggle now is going to be for me and those of us left behind, and not for her anymore, and that gives me peace. I really hope they continue to learn more about Lyme and how to handle cases such as these. It seems so benign and treatable, and in most cases it is, but for those of us whose horses never get better, it's a devastating disease full of uncertainties.

[JeanM]

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing by this mare. I'm glad your friend is on board (no doubt, she's breathing a big sigh of relief that someone else had to make that hard decision!).

Animals don't go by quantity of life, but by quality of life. Sounds like your mare's quality of life is about run out, certainly it'll be much worse come winter. I give you loads of 'kudos' for doing right by her NOW, instead of waiting until it's almost too late... having gone through that mistake last December with my beloved cat. I will never wait so long again. :cry:

Can you think of a particular plant that would be "right" to plant in this mare's honor? A little, personal memorial for you, so when you see it you get a smile thinking of her. For instance: A dear friend had to put her gelding down; she ended up planting SNAPdragons in his honor because ol' Ben Awful Good liked to nip some people (only the people he liked... sort of a badge of honor to have him try to nip you). Carrots or an apple tree will work just fine, too. :winkgrin: Hmm, is there any plant that works as a tick repellent? Evil nasty no-reason-for-existing-ticks... :mad:

[veebug22]

Great idea Jean! She's very graceful, I wonder if I can find something that has those qualities AND kills ticks! Woe to the first tick I pick off a horse this season -- that beastie is going to receive the brunt of all the anger and frustration I have toward Lyme disease! In all seriousness though, that is a fabulous idea.

[BeastieSlave]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

I went through something very similar when it was time to put down my old TB mare. Knowing it's time doesn't make it easy and that sense of relief from making the decision doesn't ease the grief - it just starts the grieving process.

When I made the decision for my old gal it took me a few days before I was able to call the vet and make the appointment, and then a few more until the actual day. Those days were the worst. I cried all the time. I really cried all the time. I cried during and after too, but honestly, not as much. I had made my peace, said my good byes, and seen her on her way. I knew it was the right thing and I found peace.

Good luck to you :sadsmile:

[SouthwestRerider]

I also am behind you on this decision. I put a horse down due to a fight with colic that lasted over two weeks. I made the decision and the arrangements too late- and will always have that regret. No vet could come out, but I drove two hours to get the solution, arrived back home late at night and waited til morning. He got really bad overnight and was dying when I gave him the solution. I will always have the guilt of knowing I should have done it 12 hours sooner- but had been nursing him round the clock , by myself, middle of winter, trying to save him,and lost perspective.
So I say go ahead and make the arrangements. It's OK if you cry... You are doing the responsible thing, the right thing, the KIND thing. Blessings to both of you.

[asb_own_me]

Please, do not feel guilty about the relief. That is part of what shows it's time. :sadsmile:

Well said.

I hope that I remember these words, and many others, when the time comes for one of mine.

[Jack16]

Please know that you are doing the right thing. I just went through the same thing with my gelding last Monday. We fought for 2 years to bring him back from a debilitating injury. He wasn't pasture sound and he just started to look like it was painful just to be alive much like what you have described when your girl comes in from her field.

I know it's really hard but don't feel guilty. You are such a good mom for putting her quality of life before your heart wrenching feelings.

[elsbet]

No advice.......just lots of cyber hugs and a thank you for doing the best thing for your lovely mare.

[slpeders]

my heart goes out to you -- your post has me reliving the internal discussions I had with myself a little over a year ago. Bless you for listening to that part of you that says 'now is the time' even when your heart is screaming 'but i don't want to let go!'.
And how lucky you are that your BO is so supportive and connected to your situation and that your friend took it well too. All things come together to reinforce your decision. :) May her crossing over be peaceful and may you be assured that you did the right thing. I swear that as my mare's heart stopped, I had an image of her running in a deep green grassy field covered in dandelions and she was leaping and bucking and exhalting that she could now eat as MUCH as she wanted! :) I felt assured that I had done the right thing then and I'm sure I looked a little odd with my sad smile at that moment, but she'd always been a sassy thing and it made me smile to know she always would be!

[lovemyoldguy]

Veebug, thinking of you today. ((((hugs)))) to you.

[johnnysauntie]

Yes, Veebug, thinking of you. Godspeed to your girl and peace to you.

[LuvMyTB]

Veebug, thinking of you and your mare today......lots of hugs.

Godspeed to your girl.

[arabhorse2]

Veebug, thank you for giving your girl respite from her pain.

My deepest condolences, and prayers for peace to you today.

[Long Spot]

You and your girl are in my thoughts today, Veebug.

Many hugs to you.

[veebug22]

Thank you everyone. I put Serena down this afternoon and it was very peaceful. I spent the day fussing over her and telling her plenty of wonderful things about herself. I think I kissed her a million times. It didn't seem like enough. I just wanted one last kiss, one last hug, one last "I love you", one last affectionate lick from her.

I called the vet this morning to make arrangements... I called the one I used toward the end of my previous time in CT (we were in NY for two years and my vet in NY saw us through the Lyme disease). It was a horrible experience. She wanted full documentation from my vet in NY and to do an exam "to use her own head about that situation" as she said in an e-mail and her assistant told me. I was shocked. I could certainly provide documentation, although I found it odd as people put down animals for a lot less and it's an owner's right, but an exam too? Wasn't it enough that I had made such a difficult decision? Now I have to justify it to her? I was clear with her that I was not interested in pursuing further forms of treatment, so I truly believe this was just so she could feel okay about it. Or what, she was going to tell me something like, "I think this horse could live another 5 years out to pasture with pain management if you are willing to do that" or whatever the heck she comes up with. Doesn't she think I've already considered that? This is a vet who knows me and whom I've spent a good amount of money with in the past. She didn't have any openings today anyway, but I'm not sure I would have made an appointment if she had. Okay, sorry for the mini vent, but she made an already painful situation worse.

After that, I could no longer get through a conversation about the whole thing, so I asked my BO and dear friend to make arrangements with my previous vet here in CT, the vet who also helped with Serena's birth. He was wonderful and explained everything to me as he went. It was a beautiful day. We sedated her so she was down, and then I held her head while her heart stopped. I'm glad we sedated, as it seemed much more peaceful to me, and I needed that one thing to hold onto through this. I told her how much I loved her, I thanked her. My BO sat with me... she has known Serena since she was a foal in addition to having her full brother, sister, and mother at one point, and I boarded with her before we moved to NY. So there is a lot of history. It meant so much to me to have someone there who was emotionally wrapped up in Serena too, and was completely supportive. We both sobbed once she was gone. I brought my gelding over. He didn't understand why she wasn't getting up. He nickered to her and sniffed her and looked all around as if this wasn't actually her, and she was hiding somewhere. We spent quite awhile with her body. Finally, he walked away and was ready to go back to the barn. He was quite subdued afterward. His eyes looked really tired. He stopped calling for her.

I keep telling myself this is the hardest decision for me, and the easiest one for her. She was truly larger than life. Some horses live fast and intensely -- she was one of these. NOTHING was dull with her! Everything was mach 10. If she got injured, she got injured seriously. If she was jumping, she was jumping hard and big. If she was feeling good, she was a bucking, happy lunatic. She was also incredibly affectionate and engaging. She loved to lick me all over and snuggle up in my arms. She was incredibly athletic (ask me about the time she jumped a Prelim level x-country jump from a standstill... she stopped to sniff it while we wandered past on a long rein at the walk, and next thing I know, we are air-born! :). Her movement was to die for. She was all grace and power. I miss her terribly already, but I also feel tangible relief. I don't think I realized how affected I was by the constant worrying. I was exhausted. I feel peaceful and incredibly sad at the same time.

I am so glad I have my gelding right now. He and I have been through so much together over the past 10+ years, and I know he's going to need plenty of love and attention these next couple days. It's difficult to know that he is sad right now too. I hope animals go to heaven (my husband and I have had big debates over this one!). I really hope I see her again some day. In the meantime I'm glad to have my gelding to ride and spend time with. I know some day I will be ready to look for another horse to "move up" with - this is is why I bought her originally - but right now I just want peace and comfort and familiarity.

Thank you everyone. Your words of wisdom and understanding during one of the most difficult points in my life has meant more to me than I can express. I literally read and re-read your posts just to get out the door to the barn this morning and remind myself this was the right choice.

[tpup]

You made the right decision. What a tribute to your girl and I hope you find comfort with your gelding. They are both blessed to have you. ((Hugs)) and Godspeed to her.

[shea'smom]

This reminds me of the line from Steel Magnolias, where the mom talks about losing her daughter. She called it "the most precious moment of my life". I get it.
Hugs to you and Godspeed lovely mare.

[TBMaggie]

RIP beautiful mare. I'm sending you huge hugs to help you get through the next trillion years...because that's how long it takes to feel whole again.

You did the absolutely right thing by her, and were very brave.

[MunchkinsMom]

Your loving tribute brought tears to my eyes, it is evident that you loved your mare, and did the kindest thing for her.

[FlashGordon]

Godspeed to your lovely girl. I am glad your BO was there to comfort you, and that you have your gelding to hug during this difficult time.

My favorite horse-related verse, as I too think their hearts and souls live on:

Somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some Paradise where horses go.
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.

Stanley Harrison

[deltawave]

Big deep breath for you, big skies and endless green grass for Serena. :sadsmile:

[pintopiaffe]

OOhhh... sweetie... my worst crisis of faith ever was when my best girl died. Beyond just being my first foal of my own, she was my Special Lesson horse. I just could not fathom that a creature so pure of love and without any guile at all could just be... gone.

Much of the bible talks about 'creatures' in Heaven. And you know what? I've read the ending, and HORSES figure prominently there too. I am not sure whether we'll meet them in the form they had here, but I no longer have any doubt that I will see them and know them again.

When I was reading your last post, I kept thinking, that *now* she is jumping again, bucking again, and moving beautifully again. She is free of the earthly confines of pain.

I am so sorry. Accept the relief, don't feel guilty about it. It doesn't change the pain, but it is not wrong.

(((hugs)))

Vale Serena

[abbydp]

I am so sorry you lost such an amazing soul. Bless you for having the courage to know and be her strength. She was very lucky to have you. Godspeed to her and I wish her a very peaceful journey. Please know we are all here for you and respect you a great deal for being capable of fighting so hard for so long and then knowing when the fight needed to be over for her sake. I agree about the relief - it does mean it was the right decision.

[asb_own_me]

Hugs to you. I am so glad her passing was peaceful, and on a beautiful day :sadsmile: A fitting end for a great mare.

[foundationmare]

Grief is he price we pay for loving them so much>

That's stolen from someone, but soo true. The depth of our love, as well as our grief, makes us more human. These giant beasts that commandeer our hearts and our wallets help us more fully experience what it is to be fully human. It is our privilege to have them in our lives and our responsibility to help then out of our lives, with love and compasssion.

You will do the right thing.

You did the right thing.

[hansiska]

You definitely did the right thing. I'm so sorry for your loss and for the agonizing decision-making process you had to go through. After putting my older mare down last year, I know what you went through.

What a lovely tribute to your mare. Thanks for sharing.

My younger mare has just been diagnosed with Lyme. We're about two weeks into treatment and have no idea if it will cure her or not. As a Connecticut neighbor, I may PT you for advice and vet recs if it comes to that and if you don't mind.

Kendra

[arabhorse2]

Veebug, big cyber hugs and a prayer of peace for you.

I put down the best horse in the world a little over 2 years ago, and there's not a day goes by that I don't miss him.

Grief is the price we pay, and I've paid it gladly. Having been blessed with that shining presence in my life for so many years has made that price bearable.

Someday the pain will diminish, and you'll be able to talk about Selena with laughter. It will never completely go away, but I'm of the opinion it shouldn't.

When we love another being that much, it's only natural to continue to miss them until we meet them again.

[ksetrider]

Hugs and prayers for you VeeBug.

Went through the exact thing with my guy! March of 2007. I had taken him back from the people I sold him because he was "useless" after his bout with Lymes. Six months later I could tell it was "time". He was having a hard time getting up. And he just had this sadness in his eyes. And 11 years old at that. Vet said we could try another round of Doxy but I just heard terrible stories of things getting worse. So within a few days, he was down and buried on my friend's farm, in a dell along the fenceline. His brass plaque still on the fence. Its a lovely, sunny spot. I swear sometimes making the choice is worse than having none at all!

[Altitude Rider]

so, so, so, sorry....truly understand the agonizing decision.

sent you a PM...

[CB/TB]

Hugs to you. It hurts so bad, but there is the relief also , that you did the best thing for her. 'THAT' phone call was the hardest thing I've done, and I've made it too many times over the years, as many of us have. Take all the time you need to grieve and know you have friends who understand and will support you. And give your gelding abig hug, too.

[sonata]

I agree with VMP You have done everything that you can for your horse. Please don't feel guilty. Have someone close to you call and make the arrangements. That is what I did. I had a friend call for me when I put my mare down and also did the same for her when it was time to put her horse down.