Being with your older dying dog

[ToTheNines]

My Ginger, a heeler, is 13, and probably dying. She has been to the vet of course, and the diagnosis is either IMHA or a tick borne disease (she is very anemic), but the vet is not ruling out other causes such as cancer. Her full sister died of heart failure last winter.

Ginger has been on pred and doxy for a week with little change, and I suppose it may be that her time has come. I am not going to hospitalize her or give her blood transfusions at her age. I work at home so I am with her, and she only wants to sleep at my feet. I carry her outside to pee. She hardly gets up. Just to drink from her water bowl next to her. This has been going on for a week. The vet says she is very weak but not in any pain, and she does not appear to be in any pain. She will eat only hamburger meat from my hands and sometimes will lap some milk or eat some grated cheese or liver treats or McNugggets. At this point, if she likes it, she gets it.

Anyone go through a similar experience? I have decided to nurse her the best I can, but if she cannot get better, to let her die on her own terms. The vet said she will get weaker and just go to sleep, maybe with some deep breathes. Can I hear from anyone who has gone through this? Do you regret not having euthanized your dog at some point? Did you reach a point where you decided euthanization was the better choice?

[ChocoMare]

Everyone is different but I am in the Better a Day Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late camp. :cry:

When I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my pet's time has come, I lovingly carry him/her to the vet to be euthanized. I just cannot bear to watch them suffer and go down hill, knowing that it is within my power as their caretaker to give them the gift of a painless passing.

When you know it's time, let it be time.

((( Many Hugs ))) :sadsmile:

[dawglover]

^
What she said.

((Hugs)).

[ToTheNines]

Thanks Chocomare. I am getting so much different advice. My vet will come here to put her to sleep if I need her to. The vet clinic is large and small animals and they are set up for farm calls. I am taking it day by day. Today is not the day. She loved her hamburger meat and she wags her tail when I come to pat her. She will go tomorrow for another PCV test. It was 15 last Thursday and 24 yesterday so the meds are having some effect. I have not lost hope that she will get better.

[BuddyRoo]

I really think that dogs, horses, etc live in the now. If now sucks, life sucks. They don't have the same capacity to look back on all the good times to get through the sucky moments.

As such, unless the prognosis is pretty good, I'm pretty adverse to asking them to suffer through when the bad days out number the good.

My goal has always been to euth before the sparkle in their eyes is gone. I want the last days to be good if possible. Not miserable.

Only you and your pet can know. But after working at the veterinary clinic for a few years, I can honestly say that too often, I think people hang on too long when the best gift they could give would be a peaceful end.

ETA: To me, lack of pain doesn't necessarily indicate good quality of life.

[ChocoMare]

My vet will come here to put her to sleep if I need her to.

Awwww, that's so precious of them. :sadsmile: What a blessing to you both.

[monstrpony]

If you are confident there is no pain and you can meet her needs, there is no reason not to just let her go in her sleep. If, at any point, that changes--you sense pain, fear from loss of awareness, other discomfort, or, it just gets to be too hard on you, you can take your vet up on their kind offer.

I'm solidly in the better a day too early camp, but dying in one's sleep isn't the worst way to go, esp if its in the comfort of home and loved ones.

As always, it is your call.

[2DogsFarm]

So sorry you are having to deal with this, but all of us do eventually and it never gets easier.

You have to make the decision and it isn't going to be easy.
She may not be hurting, but how much enjoyment is left her?
How much dignity?

IIWM (and it has been for numerous cats, dogs and so far just one horse) I let them go before things go downhill drastically.

Your poor girl is hanging on for you and since your vet is willing to come to you that would be the kindest thing to do.
Let her go in her own house, with you there to be the last thing she sees, your voice the last thing she hears.

And when the time comes, Godspeed Ginger & {hugs} to you

[Laurierace]

I have done it both ways. I spent a few more days with my sheltie than I should have looking back. He was always an at my feet dog but never a lap dog but at the end he was too weak to object so I basically held him for three days. I carried him outside to go to the bathroom and fed him ham as that was all he would eat. He refused to die however and at the very end he was comatose and peeing and pooping while he was unconscious. I waited all through the night for him to stop breathing (it just happened to be the night of hurricane Isabel so I was up anyway) but he never did. At 5am we dodged downed power lines to make it to the emergency clinic where he was put to sleep by candlelight as there was no power anywhere in the area.
Just two weeks ago my lab had started falling and not being able to get back up again without help. I feared a fall when no one was home and her laying there for hours exhausting herself. I drugged the crap out of her and called the mobile vet who came three days later and put her to sleep at home.
There is no doubt in my mind that what I did with my sheltie was for ME, not him. I was able to do what was best for my lab. The end result was the same but I look back and wish I had done things differently with the sheltie.

[analise]

Sounds like my dog. He was only about 7 this year. But starting last December or so, he got really down and not overly interested in food, and started drinking a lot of water. I took him to the vet, they couldn't find anything wrong with him with a physical exam and did a blood test and in the mean time prescribed antibiotics in case it was an infection.

On the antibiotics, he perked back up and while the blood test showed slight anemia, the could have been from him not eating well or so I thought.

Some weeks passed and then on a weekend, he got all "down" again. This time, the vet I'd gone to before wasn't open so I took him to another, nearby vet. Again, nothing conclusive found, but another blood test was done and a different, long run of antibiotics was prescribed since they seeme to help the first time. Again, he seemed anemic with elevated white blood cells. He didn't seem to really perk up the same way this time (or he would for a short time and then he'd get all tired again. He started having "accidents" when he'd had no history of them before. Many times, I had to carry him outside to potty and then carry him back in again. X-rays were taken of his chest and abdomen and the vet saw something suspicious in his spleen area and recommended I take him to a specialist so, I made an appointment for the specialist.

A couple of days before the specialist, he woke me up in the wee hours of the morning with his breathing. That is, he was just lying there, making a lot of effort just to breathe. I sat up with him all morning and got the vet to fit me as the first client of the day that morning and she barely had to look at him to know there wasn't much that could be done for him by that point. They found a lot of fluid in his abdomen (pushing on his lungs, making it harder for him to breathe) and decided he had cancer from his spleen and his organs had started breaking down. She said maybe a transfusion and some other really major measures might help him but she didn't really think so. I opted to have him put to sleep and sat with him still until well after he breathed his last.

I truly believe he was the best of dogs and miss him even now. I can't imagine getting another dog because I'd always be comparing them to him. (I've thought about it and then thought better of it). If I'd had my choice, I would have kept him with me longer but it was his time to go. I still feel guilty it took so long to figure out there was so little I could do to help him. I still feel guilty I didn't take him to the emergency vet at four in the morning when his breathing woke me up instead of making him wait even just a few hours until the regular one opened.

[Doberpei]

I am so sorry you are going through this - it is so hard. Last year when I went through it, I called the vet every day for about two weeks, and described the dog's condition, and the vet kept saying "Not yet."

Being in the "Too Soon is better" camp, I finally scheduled the appointment, because I didn't want to do an emergency euthanasia. With my previous dog, I hadn't noticed all the subtle changes, and one day my friends stopped by and told me that "today is the day", and when I looked at him through their eyes, I realized I had been denying the obvious, and then I had to scramble to find a vet. I didn't want to do that to my girl, which is why I scheduled the appointment with her regular vet and people she would be familiar with.

The morning of the appointment my girl was as well as she had been, we went for a walk and she ate a little and was her normal personality. When I came home to take her to the vet, I couldn't believe how fast she had gone down hill.

I think that it is more comforting in the long run having some control over the where and the when and how, rather than waiting and scrambling, and perhaps having people who don't know you and your dog euthanizing a beloved friend.


Best of luck to you.

[Mozart]

Tough call but if you know your dog and are convinced she is not in pain or upset and confused...I would consult the vet and see what they say. I can't imagine they would mislead you as to whether or not the dog is in pain or distress. The end might be sooner than you think though.

If they give you the option of home euthanasia...take it. Several years ago my vyzla had a pancreatitis..probably caused by a tumour. At the end she slept constantly, was weak and would only eat deli turkey from my hand. She always loved sleeping in bed under the covers and finally we decided it was time for her to go in that fashion as well. My vet came, we spread her favourite blanket on the bed and I got to lie down with her and hold her while my vet put her to sleep. Tearing up even now, seven years later, as I think about it.

It was a special gift that I was able to send her out like that.

Anway, my vet checked her heart rate before he gave her the first injection and he said it was so weak that he would be gone very soon anyway. We elected to continue with the euthanasia anyway.

I know how you feel, I'm so sorry.

[Tommy's Girl]

I lost my two old ones over Christmas week last year. Rocky was a 17 year-old big, red rescue (no vet could ever decipher his breeds), who suffered a 3 minute seizure rendering him unable to walk and left him permanently confused/scared. I took him to the vet and had him euthanized the day after, as it was obvious there was nothing I could do to keep him comfortable. He felt "ready." I miss him every day. Marshmellow was another rescue, a big yellow lab, 14 when we put her down, and she was also at the end of her time. She was incontinent, confused, blind, deaf and tired (the only way I can describe it - she gave up). I can only hope she is happier now than she was.

I really feel for you, and wish you strength in your decision. I don't regret putting mine down, as I knew it was time for them both. Also, I realized that it was the kindest gift I could ever have given them as their caretaker all these years - as painless a death as possible - something we are unable to give the people we love (my mother has cancer, and I will have to watch her die her when her time comes, without that small mercy). What I would have changed, however, was the place. I really wish I had been able to euthanize them both at home, and bury them here, but time was a factor, as was frozen ground, so I chose to take them to the vet.

Being a rescue fiend (7 dogs, 7 cats and 2 horses so far, through the years), I mourned until Valentines day, and then celebrated Marshmellow and Rocky's lives by rescuing another sweetheart from the pound. Will this one replace them? Never. But I think my heart grows with every one of them.

Do what you feel you have to do for your pet, but try to recognize the line of where it becomes for you, and not them. Hugs.

[pintopiaffe]

If you are confident there is no pain and you can meet her needs, there is no reason not to just let her go in her sleep. If, at any point, that changes--you sense pain, fear from loss of awareness, other discomfort, or, it just gets to be too hard on you, you can take your vet up on their kind offer.

There is something to be said for Hospice. Palliative care can be done. There is not one thing wrong with using large doses of pain killer to make things comfortable at the end if needed. But sometimes that's not even necessary.

I have let two cats and a dog go, on their own, in my arms. It was right.

My special dog went very suddenly from fine to coughing up foamy stuff. I got up in the morning and he couldn't get up, his breathing was labored... this happened quite literally overnight. He was special, and I knew his time was limited--the fact that he lived as LONG as he did was miraculous... He was peaceful, and seemed to not be in pain. As long as I stayed with him, he was not the least bit worried. So I stayed with him. He was gone inside of three hours. There was no doubt at all in my mind or my heart that it was right. To take him, at that point, to the vets would have been adding stress to something that was peaceful and natural...

I had two kitties, both terrified of travelling. Both died of 'old age.' I knew they were going, they slowly shut down over a couple of days. I would syringe in broth and water... but again, it was right. They told me. I will never regret letting them die in my arms, in my bed. Knowing they were loved, and without any of the stress of going to the vet's.

You are really lucky that the vet will come to you should you need to make that decision.

All I can say, is you will know. If you never *know*, then she will pass on her own...

I'm so sorry. I'm crying typing this. We know. :cry:

Peace to you and your pup.

[marta]

she was diagnosed with chronic renal failure 4 weeks ago.
vet told us if she were a human she'd qualify for dialysis.
he told us sometimes they can live as long as a year.
he told us give her food and water. encourage to eat and drink.
we did. when she continued loosing her apetite, my mom would try different foods. she'd sit w/ tuffy on the floor feeding her sour cream one day, boiled chicken the next.
the last week of her life tuffy didn't eat any more. she still drank water occasionally. she'd spend her days in the garden laying down on the grass. she probably would have died on her own in a few days but she looked so utterly sad, no spark in her eye, couldn't bark anymore. she was half comatozed. my parents made a decision to euthanize her. they didn't want her to suffer although she was not showing any outer signs of pain such as panting, or circling.
they could've waited another day or two but they would be doing that for themselves not for tuffy. tuffy didn't care anymore. she was dying. a day sooner, a day later, does it matter to a dog in that condition?

your dog is still eating and sounds much more perky than our tuffy. you may still have some time w/ her. but when it's time, don't keep her alive just b/c of YOU.

[3horsemom]

i am so sorry that you and your dog are going thru this.
when my husband and i were grad students and very poor, we a lovely colliex who was our baby. she developed some health problems. i knew it was time but dh just could not come to grips with reality. our sweet teddie died alone while we ran to the store. why we both went i will never know. to this day some 30 years later, it is one of my biggest regrets. i cannot tell you how guilty we feel even to this day. if you can be with your dog 24/7 then pallative care may be the best course of action. if not.............

[MunchkinsMom]

I don't have anything to add to all the eloquent posts above, I just wanted to extend my sympathies to you at this time.

[Foxtrot's]

I don't have anything to add either - except we have all been there. Just be there when the time comes and as often as possible until then. Sad but inevitable.

[Hunter Mom]

I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. There isn't anything that will. In November of 08, I noticed my 12 year old weim wasn't herself. Nothing specific that couldn't have been age, just not normal Remi. I took her to the vet, and they discovered of tumors in her abdomen. We chose to just make her comfortable and knew that she'd tell us when the time was right. She was weak, but still happy to see us. One day, she just dozed off, and never awoke. She never seemed to hurt, never quit being happy and left us on her own terms. I'd do it that way a hundred times over - as long as I knew she wasn't suffering and was happy.

She'd been a therapy dog, gone to work with me (amazing what a dog can do for middle school kids who are at risk) and been the most awesome dog ever.

[vacation1]

If the OP can be with her dog and keep her comfortable, that's the ideal choice for the dog's final days. I went through this with my last dog, and she was euthanized toward the end because of external forces, including a vicious heat wave that complicated her already compromised breathing. Before that, we spent about a month together, me feeding her whatever she would eat (spam and various other potted meats and fish were easiest on her) and she was reasonably happy until the heat hit. Things happen to force your hand, but I believe it's best to let them have their time, as long as they're not suffering without remedy.

I don't want to see a dog suffer, and many people's situations force them to make a choice to euthanize because they simply can't be there for the dog in the final weeks of the dog's life. But the quality of life changing from 'looks happy' to 'looks tired' due to the body coming to an end is not some sort of 'must euthanize' scenario. Of course a dying animal looks tired, looks distant, loses its normal self. That's what happens to dying animals. It's what happens to dying people. It's a change; it's the process of death. I deeply dislike the culture of pressure that's developed around the idea that if you don't euthanize, you're abusive and selfish. The pain and stress of being a caretaker to the dying is so intense I can't imagine how anyone who's been through it can characterize keeping the animal/person alive as the 'selfish' or 'easy' choice.

[pintopiaffe]

Vacation, well put.

I think there is a difference between an animal who is suffering, with no understanding of *why*, and one that is winding down it's life.

Dying and death are such taboo topics in our society. Of course those of us with animals face it more frequently because it is normal to outlive them.

I think it is noble and just to ease suffering... whether that is hospice and palliative care, or euthanasia is a choice only the one THERE can know. And sometimes even those of us there second guess...

Hospice is an amazing gift and an amazing burden. Being with someone as they die is a life altering event, whether it is a person or an animal. I think one most wishes for *peace.* :sadsmile:

[BBowen]

Anyone go through a similar experience? I have decided to nurse her the best I can, but if she cannot get better, to let her die on her own terms. The vet said she will get weaker and just go to sleep, maybe with some deep breathes. Can I hear from anyone who has gone through this? Do you regret not having euthanized your dog at some point? Did you reach a point where you decided euthanization was the better choice?

ToTheNines:

I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this with your beloved dog. I too went through something very similar. My Dachshund was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in her heart last August. The cardiologist said we didn't have much time with her and if we were lucky, she would just go in her sleep. It was a true blessing that I lost my job in Sept., so I could spend quality time with Gracie. Because of the tumor, she accumulated significant amounts of fluid in her abdomen, so we had to have that drained about once a week. It was not painful for her and it kept her comfortable. Unfortunately, the tumor took all the nutrients of her food, so she could not keep weight on.

We were very blessed to have her with us for nine months; we lost her in May of this year. She was 15. Since she had weekly vet visits we could monitor her very carefully. As long as she was eating (we did have to get creative), in no pain and still being her bossy self, we catered to her needs. When she quit eating and was not really responsive to the things she had always loved, we knew it was time to let her go. Our vet came to the house and she went to sleep in my husband's arms. It was very peaceful with no stress for her. It was the right thing for her.

Hugs. I know what you are going through.

[Horsegal984]

From a medical standpoint, most animals that are dying from anemia do not pass very peacefully. Some diseases allow the animal to simply fall asleep, and others it seems like a heart attack. Anemia tends to make them want to struggle to breathe for a bit longer, and sometimes they can last like that for hours. It's miserable for owners to watch, and most that I know that have watched them struggle regret it.

Some people and their pets are fortunate enough to pass very peacefully, and for those owners it was the right decision. For those who didn't go smoothly, it was the wrong decision. Unfortunatly it's almost impossible to tell which animals are going to go peacefully until it happens. Obviously I too belong in the 'better too soon' camp, and partially because I have seen animals that have tried to hang on for their owners.

If you really want the best chance of them going at home peacefully, make yourself ok with them dying, and then TELL them it's ok to go now. It sounds nuts, but you'd be amazed at how many animals pass more peacefully and seem more content in their last moments when the owners have 'let them go' so to speak. Whether they are euthanized or die at home, it really does seem to make a difference if they know that you're ready to let them pass on. They are so intune with our emotions, and try so very hard to please I think it just gives them peace of mind before they go.

Katherine
Vet Tech

[ToTheNines]

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and comfort. I am weighing all the advice I've been given. I have called Ginger's vet, who can be here tomorrow if that is what I decide to do. I do think she is hanging on out of her huge sense of responsibility to me and our farm. I got her when she was a pup in 1996, and she was with me while I built my little farm. She hates to leave it. Even when my friend would come over with her dogs and we would all go for a walk on the neighbor's place, Ginger would start out with us, then sneak off and return to her farm. When we got back, there she would be at the gate. Wherever I was doing chores on the farm, I just had to look around and she would be there watching me. If I went riding to the arena or in the fields, she would stay at the barn, waiting for me. If I was in the house, she was on the porch, guarding me. She never ever left the property even though I am in the country and she is not fenced in. I don't think she wants to leave now, and I keep telling her it's ok even though I will miss her very much. Thank you everyone so much. My goal is to prevent her from being scared and in pain, and I do not want to wait too long.

[subk]

She will eat only hamburger meat from my hands and sometimes will lap some milk or eat some grated cheese or liver treats or McNugggets. At this point, if she likes it, she gets it.
After feeding burgers, cheese and other morsels by hand to my aging, arthritic and incontinent dog because that was the only thing he would eat (and at the end not even that) I realized that I waited too late. Next time I won't go the enticing food route and delay the process. In hindsight I now believe that once they stop eating they are telling us something very important and we should take heed.

I can't tell you how much I now wish that I had put that dog to sleep a month earlier.

[PhoenixFarm]

I put down our 14 year old lab 10 days ago, and I have a 15 year old mutt in renal failure, though knock on wood he's doing pretty well.

The answer to this question depends entirely on the dog and their person.

We put the lab down when we did, because he was becoming slowly more incapacitated, and the more incapacitated he became, the less he would let you help him. He was always funny about being handled (was a rescue with issues), always had a muzzle for nail trims, etc. and as his mental and physical faculties departed one by one, it got worse. He'd get stuck laying down, but if you'd try to help him up, he'd snarl and thrash and try like he!! to take a chunk out of you. We had carte blanche on palliative meds, but it was a rodeo to get them in, as he was always a suspicious eater, and didn't like to take food from a humans hand anyway. You'd stick a pill in a block of cheese, and put it in his bowl and walk away, and he'd only take it about 50% of the time, so then you'd have to shove it down his throat and try to not get bit. He wouldn't LET you nurse him, or baby him, and so we chose to let him go sooner rather than later, so that he wouldn't suffer, and no one would get hurt. Even so, getting him sedated at the vets so they could put the catheter in was frankly, a mess, and how we managed to not get someone's face shredded I'm still not sure. Once he was tranq'ed it was very peaceful.

The little renal dog will probably get more palliative care, and a longer time downward, because he's generally a small, easy going guy. He'll let you help him, and feed him by hand, and nurse him, and all of those things. My dobies have always been that way too--happy to let you help. Ellwood was not, and rather than punish him for it, we let him go.

There is no wrong answer here provided you can be sure the animal is not suffering physically or mentally. I personally would be concerned about a "manager"-type dog like Ginger sounds to be, not having some degree of mental stress from being unable to do her regular care-taking and patrols (my dobies have always been cut from this cloth, and their ability to do their "work" has always been on my list of things I monitor as part of their quality of life.

But it's your dog, you know her best. Just make sure you are seeing her as she is. Not how you want her to be.:sadsmile:

Best of luck, and my thoughts are with you.

[FatPalomino]

I think it's hardest when you don't know what your dog is sick from. I had a rescue dog, get in a bad accident with a horrible pet sitter, and I came back to find him dying. We couldn't figure out exactly what was causing his major problem. It was a roller coaster, some days great and other not. He died, and I wished we'd let him go as soon as we had the first major problem, since he was old and had other issues. But, he would rally and they even wanted to send him home 2 days before he died (I said no.) There's no easy answer.

From what I've seen, tick borne dz respond quickly to Doxy. I had a dog get one, he was acutely down and weak, then ran a 107 fever. He was hospitalized, and within a 1.5 days of starting the Doxy, he was world improved. He did present with very low platelets, which were much improved in 6 weeks. Another had a more subtle case, and responded in less than a week, and her signs were gone in 2.4 weeks.

But, if your PCV is headed on the upwards trend, that's obviously a great sign.

One of my best mentors said pick one thing the dog loves more than anything else. A tennis ball, femur bone, car rides, whatever. When they don't want to do that one thing, it's their time, right then.

We've put down most of our dogs at home. I think it's much kinder for everyone.

Hugs.

[MrWinston]

I fully understand the conflicting emotions involved in such a difficult decision. Having been through this too many times, I asess the comfort level of the pet and make the decisions accordingly. I euthanized my heart dog 3 years ago (7 1/2 yr. old rescue Dobe, Lazarus) when we discovered a lesion in his jaw that was oozing blood and had actually moved his teeth. We knew he had osteosarcoma and we were taking it day by day. He walked into the hospital as if he were just fine, pretending that he wasn't in the pain that we knew was there. That was very hard to do but it was definitely time. OTOH, we opted to let our older Doberman bitch with DCM go on her own and were lucky enough for her to be comfortable until her heart just stopped on her way back to the bed after a drink of water. Each case is different and you are always having to choose accordingly.

For the OP, I will pray for a peaceful passing for Ginger and for your heart to heal quickly.

[pj]

So sorry you are having to deal with this, but all of us do eventually and it never gets easier.

You have to make the decision and it isn't going to be easy.
She may not be hurting, but how much enjoyment is left her?
How much dignity?

IIWM (and it has been for numerous cats, dogs and so far just one horse) I let them go before things go downhill drastically.

Your poor girl is hanging on for you and since your vet is willing to come to you that would be the kindest thing to do.
Let her go in her own house, with you there to be the last thing she sees, your voice the last thing she hears.

And when the time comes, Godspeed Ginger & {hugs} to you

I have to agree with 2dogs.

It's one of the hardest things in the world to make the decision when you know things aren't going to get better but you are making the decision for the animal's benefit.
IMHO when you just wait for nature to take it's course you are doing so for yourself.

If you decide to release your girl then I think the best possible thing would be to have the Vet come to your home and let her spirit free there with you holding her with loving arms.

I'm so so sorry that you are facing this.

[wendy]

only you know. However, if I had a dog who had to be hand-fed goodies, carried outside to pee, and wouldn't voluntarily get up I would think it's past time. Dogs don't count life in terms of "number of days I made it"; and even dogs who are bewildered and not very happy and possibly even in severe pain will wag their tails at their owner and often not show any signs of what they are suffering. Our last dog who passed-incurable cancer- she was still mobile but when she stopped eating we decided it was time; we took her on a slow patrol of the property (her twice-daily self-imposed duty) and she dropped to the ground, dead, as we lead her towards her last car ride.

[RedMare01]

After feeding burgers, cheese and other morsels by hand to my aging, arthritic and incontinent dog because that was the only thing he would eat (and at the end not even that) I realized that I waited too late. Next time I won't go the enticing food route and delay the process. In hindsight I now believe that once they stop eating they are telling us something very important and we should take heed.

I can't tell you how much I now wish that I had put that dog to sleep a month earlier.

I agree. When they stop eating, they are telling you it's time. My family put down our Lab a little over three years ago. He had the big Lab appetite and would always scarf down his food with much relish even though he did have some physical problems (he was almost 14). He stopped eating on a Wednesday and was vomiting a little of the foamy stuff. We made the appointment and put him down on Saturday. On the way to the vet, we took him for one last long car ride (his favorite) and a short walk outside. I stayed with him for his last minutes (no one else could, and that was fine, their decision). He went quickly with his head in my lap. It felt like his last few breaths were ones of relief. :sadsmile:

Even though he may have had time left, I do not regret for one second what we did with him at the end. Always better too soon than too late.

Jingling for you...and now I am all :sadsmile: thinking about my JP.

Caitlin

[Parker_Rider]

If you really want the best chance of them going at home peacefully, make yourself ok with them dying, and then TELL them it's ok to go now. It sounds nuts, but you'd be amazed at how many animals pass more peacefully and seem more content in their last moments when the owners have 'let them go' so to speak. Whether they are euthanized or die at home, it really does seem to make a difference if they know that you're ready to let them pass on. They are so intune with our emotions, and try so very hard to please I think it just gives them peace of mind before they go.

Katherine
Vet Tech

Ok, now I'm in tears. Last year we had to put my beloved Golden, Aidan, down. He had been gaining weight but not eating, just kind of sulking around, though he could not resist chasing a tennis ball :) (typical!). I had been visiting home from college and was trying to find somewhere to live for grad school and a farm for the horses and it just seemed like something was wrong with my dog, so I had my mom take Aidan in to the vet after I left, thinking it might be a thyroid and metabolism issue. When the vet discovered all the tumors and all the fluid in his chest cavity, it was like Aidan could finally let go - he had been waiting for us to "discover" his disease so that he wouldn't just leave us with questions unanswered. My dad and mom carried him into the emergency vet 2 days later to be put down. Every time I think of how much that dog went through just so we could know he was leaving us, it breaks my heart.

Still sad, but less regretfully, our first Golden, Annie, died at 14. She spent the weekend with us, lying on her doggie bed before she told us it was time to go. The only time she actually stood up with some gusto that weekend was when it was time for her vet appointment to be euthanized. Our kitty had never been an indoor cat, always semi-wild, but she came in that weekend and never left that dog's side. She licked Annie's face and "cleaned" her, always fussing over the dog. Admittedly, we kept Annie that weekend to say goodbye, for us, but only after we knew she wasn't in pain, she was just old and ready to go.

I believe you'll know OP, what's right for your dog and when it's time for her to go, either in her sleep or aided at home by your vet. It's wonderful you have that option so that your dog doesn't have to make the scary trip into the vet's office. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's never easy. :(

[angie j]

Did you reach a point where you decided euthanization was the better choice?

As my Rough Collies' health declined I began to 'prepare' as best I could. I got a new pup for myself months before to ease my loss.....

I had decided when she could no longer keep weight on, on a diet of rice and cooked meats that I would need to buck up. There were good days... and there were days that were clearly 'painful' for her. When the good days became outnumbered by the painful ones I knew it was kinder... for her. It was the hardest thing I've done in many a year. But as hard as it was on me... it was her that needed a release; Her time was done.

[abbydp]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Ginger sounds like an amazing soul who is lucky to be so loved. I recently faced this decision and posted about it beforehand. I had been fighting it forever, hoping as you are that she would do it herself. If you search my posts it should be there. There was really good advice in there as well from the caring people on this board. We all know how you feel and have been there. The decision has to be yours and yours alone, which I think was the hardest part for me. Mine was a cat that had horrible arthritis, and I believe held on for me. I chose the day early rather than waiting. The waiting time was for me. Someone posted on my thread asking if I really believed she would prefer to struggle one more day, for essentially one more meal. It really hit home. We made it through the weekend and I spent a lot of time spoiling her rotten and getting myself ready. By Monday afternoon it was time. I can't say I regret it at all, any of it. I needed a little time to be sure, but once I was it was just obviously right. I can't say it was easy and I miss her every day. The amazing thing is I feel so right with the decision now. This may sound stupid, but I don't feel her here at all. I think she was so tired and so ready that her peace was instant. I wish you peace and a smooth, quiet passing for your beloved girl.

[chai]

ToTheNines, I am so sorry for you and your dog. I, too, am in the 'don't wait too long' camp. I hope you and your vet can work together to give your dog a serene passage to the other side if there is no hope. ((hugs)) to you at such a sad time.

[citydog]

I think it really depends on the dog. Most of mine have made it perfectly clear when it was their time, and the vet helped them along. One exception was my old man dog who I put down in the beginning of June. He had progressively worsening megaesophagus and had gone through two earlier bouts of pneumonia. The vet came out when he was actually doing quite well, because I had seen how severely and quickly the pneumonia could hit (from normal dog at 3AM to almost dead at 6AM) and didn't want his last hours to be a panicked drive to the emergency clinic, or drowning in his own lungs. In some ways it was too soon, but any other time would likely have been too late.

My heart dog was a complicated soul, and made it clear that he was going to die comfortably at home. And he did, and it was as calm and peaceful as could be. I do work for myself and from home, so I have been blessed in that I can be there to take care of them. If I were working at an office all day, I would probably have had the vet out sooner in some cases.

If you are confident there is no pain and you can meet her needs, there is no reason not to just let her go in her sleep. If, at any point, that changes--you sense pain, fear from loss of awareness, other discomfort, or, it just gets to be too hard on you, you can take your vet up on their kind offer.

Indeed.



I don't want to see a dog suffer, and many people's situations force them to make a choice to euthanize because they simply can't be there for the dog in the final weeks of the dog's life. But the quality of life changing from 'looks happy' to 'looks tired' due to the body coming to an end is not some sort of 'must euthanize' scenario. Of course a dying animal looks tired, looks distant, loses its normal self. That's what happens to dying animals. It's what happens to dying people. It's a change; it's the process of death. I deeply dislike the culture of pressure that's developed around the idea that if you don't euthanize, you're abusive and selfish. The pain and stress of being a caretaker to the dying is so intense I can't imagine how anyone who's been through it can characterize keeping the animal/person alive as the 'selfish' or 'easy' choice.

Well said. While euthanasia is a blessing for some, it's not an automatic necessity for all who are dying. Dying is a part of living, and for some it is a sweet and peaceful passing.


If you really want the best chance of them going at home peacefully, make yourself ok with them dying, and then TELL them it's ok to go now.

Yes. A thousand times yes. My heart dog was extremely resilient, and was around a lot longer than anyone anticipated. I had just swapped a couple of emails with a friend and she had been asking after him and said, "Citydog, that dog loves you too much to die." I had a sudden, sort of sinking realization that I hadn't told him it was OK for him to go. (A family friend was a hospice worker forever and had always stressed the importance of telling *people* that, and I had thus always done it with my animals, but had neglected to do so with V.) I lay down next to him on my bed, and told him it was OK for him to go, and that he didn't need to stay around for me. We laid together for a bit, then he got up, went out, pooped, peed, came back in, and we curled up on my bed and he passed quietly less than two hours later. :sadsmile:

ToTheNines, I wish you and Ginger peace in however it plays out and whatever you choose to do. [[hugs]] She's a lucky girl to have you.

[TripleRipple]

Years ago I had two brother dogs. One passed away rather suddenly - took him into the vet, and we discovered a massive tumor and he was euthanized there that weekend. And it was pretty traumatic to have him gone like that.

The remaining dog Trevor had been losing some weight; and a few weeks after his brother passed, he had a severe seizure (knocked him backwards off his feet, landed a few feet away from where he'd been standing). For the rest of that week, he was almost as you describe Ginger - hardly got up, did eat from my hand, wagged tail, and short of that seizure, my vet also agreed that he probably wasn't in pain, but may have cancer. The seizure was a pretty bad sign that something was going wrong - Trev was a 14 year old 85 pound dog at the time.

I had the vet come to the house to euthanize him - on his favorite bed by the woodstove. Can't describe it, but Trevor knew and I knew and the vet knew it was time to do this before things got very ugly for him. Never have had a vet since with so much compassion - she cried with me as we carried him out to her car on his bed.

My last dog to pass (last year) was my best loved, BFF kind of dog that you only get once in a lifetime. Her final illness happened quickly, lasted one very bad week, and just when I thought she would again turn the corner, she died suddenly early one morning. We were bonded so tightly and had had so much pure fun/happiness for the last 13 years that I am not sure I could have handled the decision to euthanize her - it would have ripped me up even more than her passing did. But every situation is different, and sometimes your dog doesn't make the choice for you (as with my earlier dog Trevor). I understand what you are going through in trying to decide, and there is no way to make this part of having a dog any easier. Wish there was.

Hug Ginger a lot, as I am sure you are doing, and my thoughts are with you as you wrestle with this hard decision.

[foundationmare]

I had a female black lab, Happy, who was bonded strongly to me eventhough she was my daughter's 9th b-day present. Happy was everything a good lab is: devoted, energetic, intuitive, protective, happy, just pleased with life and her position in YOUR life! I had one hospitalization in my life (for acute asthma) and Happy parked herself on our enclosed porch and refused to eat or drink until I returned home. I was, most assuredly, her beloved person. I'm pained in retrospect that her enamoration with me occasionally caused me to lose patience with her, but those moments were caused by my weakness, and I never failed to reward her allegiance and indulge her with gratitude for her unconditional loyalty to me.

She had been exhibiting signs of neurological compromise, e.g. mini seizures with incontinence, from which she would quickly rebound and be a happy and energetic.

One day, Labor Day as bad luck would have it, she was in her favorite spot in the back yard, a corner by the house, shaded and cool, where she had made a cool nest. She was wimpering and was unable to move. I knew immediately that my task was at hand. I called vets, including my own, and found that I was going to be hard-pressed to find someone who would step-up in the evening of a big holiday weekend. I was unable to speak, was sobbing uncontrollably, and finally choked out my need to my ex to start calling vets until he found one who would help Happy across the bridge on a holiday weekend.

To this day, that man remains a saint in my eyes. Dr. Lombard, practicing in Seneca Falls, New York, met us at his clinic and eased her over the bridge. Once the plan was in place, we placed Happy on a sheet and carried her to the back of my van. I rode in the back of the van with her, cradling her head in my lap and soothing her the entire way. Once we arrived, Dr. Lombard helped us carry her to the table in his clinic. My children wanted to be there but I insisted that I would be with her by myself. I'm still amazed that I had the strength to do that, but I simply needed to be with her. Dr. Lombard was patient and waited until I was 100% ready to begin the process. I told her what a good girl she was and how much we all loved her and she peacefully crossed the bridge while I was cooing in her ear.

It was sad, but it was also beautiful.

I'll never forget Happy and the terrific doggy times we had together, and, heart-wrenching as it was, I'll never regret that I heeded her call for help.

Peace to you in the coming days and know that there is peace in grief.

[TripleRipple]

My heart dog was a complicated soul, and made it clear that he was going to die comfortably at home. And he did, and it was as calm and peaceful as could be. I do work for myself and from home, so I have been blessed in that I can be there to take care of them. If I were working at an office all day, I would probably have had the vet out sooner in some cases.....

My heart dog was extremely resilient, and was around a lot longer than anyone anticipated. I had just swapped a couple of emails with a friend and she had been asking after him and said, "Citydog, that dog loves you too much to die." I had a sudden, sort of sinking realization that I hadn't told him it was OK for him to go. (A family friend was a hospice worker forever and had always stressed the importance of telling *people* that, and I had thus always done it with my animals, but had neglected to do so with V.) I lay down next to him on my bed, and told him it was OK for him to go, and that he didn't need to stay around for me. We laid together for a bit, then he got up, went out, pooped, peed, came back in, and we curled up on my bed and he passed quietly less than two hours later. :sadsmile:



Your post brought back memories. I too worked from home, and I'd even stopped showing horses during Chelsea's last year when her illness started, to savor whatever time we had left. I was able to care for her full time during that last week, even though it was traumatic for both of us.

DH had been out of town for that bad week, but I'd called him to come home as fast as he could, because suddenly I feared the worst. He got here 4 hours later just before dark, and Chels came out of her fog, walked out to see him with tail wagging, and seemed alert (which is why we both allowed ourselves the false hope that she'd recover this time like the other times - she too was very resiliant about her fading health over the last year). I got up to give her meds at 4am, and my heart had a twinge of knowing. I pushed that thought back down, but pulled her close to give a fat kiss and hug, and said "please stay if you can, but if it is time for you to leave, it is okay, and always know that I loved you best."

I tried to get some sleep (hadn't had much but a few hours at a time for the last week), but woke up suddenly at 5am and felt an awful quiet in the house, and knew she was gone. She'd gotten to see her pops one last time, and I finally said I was okay with it. Maybe not such a coincidence for a dog who had such a special bond with us.

[asb_own_me]

I'll reiterate what several other posters have shared - please tell Ginger that it's okay if she lets go. People and animals both need to hear that from their loved ones.

It is both an incredible and a crushingly sorrowful experience to be with someone when they pass. What an anazing gift. I was with my dad when he took his last breath. It is the hardest thing anyone can do. I will move mountains to be with my horses and dogs when they pass - on their own or with my help.

[TripleRipple]

One more thing - over the years, I have been through the passing of quite a few animals. What I have learned is what our dogs do not need at this moment of our relationship, and that is to feel our grief at their passing. You touched on this when you rightly noted that you don't want her to feel scared. That is the key to a good passing for our pups.

Hardest thing I did was to actually feel, at every moment I was around my girl, that everything was going to be okay (esp. whenever I became scared myself or understood that it likely wasn't going to end well). So whenever I felt extremely sad or grief stricken at what was going on and about to happen, I went outside and cried. And talked myself out of my misery, so that when I was back in the room with her, I was nothing but truly positive, or at the least, carrying on business as usual. These special dogs know us very well, and it is a hard thing to achieve. But I made myself realize this wasn't about me and my soon to be loss, this was totally about making that special girl of mine not be scared or sad by picking up my sadness or fear, if that makes sense.

Also, fwiw - in the distant past, I did wait too long a few times, and all I can say is that I determined I would never do that again. And haven't. Many positive thoughts coming your way, and happy thoughts for Ginger as she makes this last transition. This is the moment that you can be the best friend a dog ever had, even though it is for the last time.