Burn out? What is it? Finding motivation... small update

[FlashGordon]

**Update post #41

I'm having a hard time getting going when it comes to riding. 2008 was full of extreme highs and lows. Now that the dust has settled, I am out of shape, 20lbs heavier, and mentally a bit fried.

I feel unfocused and unmotivated and it is really bothering me. Riding has always grounded me, there have been many periods in my life when it was the only constant and safe thing. No matter how good or bad "real life" was, the horses were my escape.

I'm at the barn every day. I love my horse and enjoy caring for him, I am thrilled at how well he has rehabbed. I don't have a ton of motivation to ride him.... mentally he does better in a consistent program, though physically he's not up to it. So he eats grass and looks pretty. :lol:

I WANT to ride, but for some reason, just doesn't seem to happen.
I want to remember what it is like to have fun doing it, and to look forward to swinging my leg over a horse's back. My body doesn't operate the way I'd like it to, I tire quickly, mentally and physically. I'm good for about 20 minutes tops. That alone is frustrating to me.

So what do you all suggest? Change of discipline? Lessons? Borrowing horses? I dunno, I've considered it all but can't find the key.

Kudos if you've gotten this far into the whine... and apologies too. Guess I just need some ideas, suggestions, or perhaps a kick in the pants!

And yes, seeing as it is 12am, this keeps me up at night. Because horses and riding have always been who I am and I am not sure what to do without it...?

[Wayside]

This sounds so familiar to me, though the reasons might be different.

About a year and a half ago, I lost a horse that I'd owned for over half my life, one that was very special to me. He's not the first horse I had to put down, but he was definitely the hardest. And even now, things just aren't quite the same without him. Even though he was semi-retired and I was already working with my mare, I lost a lot of my enthusiasm for riding, which I never thought would happen. My health hasn't been so great, either, so like you, I put on weight and feel really out of shape.

Although things could be completely different for you, what's been working for me is taking lessons. I really enjoy the progress my mare and I have been making, and it makes me feel accountable somehow, to actually schedule the time to ride. Both for the lessons themselves, and the times in between. And once I get on, I'm always glad I did.

Here's hoping you find your way soon.

[ESG]

Burnt out here, too. I'm just taking a break from everything. Sold the farm, have the horses boarded, and no enthusiasm for riding because it's so freaking hot.

I think you need to just give yourself time and not push it. If you can, give yourself a few days off from the barn, and do something completely unrelated to horses. Stay away, and see if the desire comes back. That's what I'm trying, and it's starting to work, I think. :yes:

[PNWjumper]

Can you work towards some sort of a goal? So maybe borrow a horse or start lessons of some sort?

I know I have a hard time staying motivated if I don't have a show or a clinic or some other clear and obvious goal that I'm working towards.

Or if you're just burned out, maybe it's time for a break?

Good luck working through it and I hope you find an answer :)

[FlashGordon]

Thanks guys....

ESG you make a good point about just taking a break. I was feeling pretty rough about the whole riding thing a few months ago, and decided to move out of the big boarding barn and into a private farm. My gelding is living the good life there, there is no pressure from barn mates to ride if I don't want to, and we are both enjoying the low stress atmosphere.

Some weeks I ride, some weeks I don't. I feel a bit guilty for it but I know he is happy regardless!!

Wayside, I too lost a special horse and I know that is part of my funk still. I don't ever compare him and current horse, I love them both differently. But I think I'm a little bit bummed in some ways.

PNW I agree about the goal.... I do keep thinking, if I can get some sort of goal established I may be more inclined to get my butt in the saddle. Definitely something I will have to think about.

It is lovely out today so perhaps I will make a point of climbing up on my grey beast tonight.

[2DaPoint]

OH, sistah-frend, right there with ya!

Ok, first of all, you've got to find SOME sort of exercise program that you can do. Mine has always just been walking. The endorphins that exercise-- riding-- release are essential, and seemingly effortless, to us horse junkies. You need your fix. In one way or another.
Your whole outlook will change when you get that "drug" back in your system.

Being "fat" can make you not want to do a lot of things.....make you not want to wear a lot of things. I think that's step one for you..... it was for me!

SO many things about what you are telling me ring bells in my head about what I have just recently been going through that I want to throw out some other posssibilities.
Hormone imbalance.
Thyroid imbalance. (Subclinical... won't seem "low" in blood tests.)
Depression. (Kinda caused by the first two, actually....)

Not to be insensitive in any way.... how old are you?
I'm in my mid 40's and suddenly "Peri-Menopausal".
Yes, it sucks.

The above listed items are just a few of the issues that my Homeopathic Nutritionist has been working on with my body.
With the enzyme supplements she's been having me take, I have suddenly found myself with more energy, more focus, and more enthusiasm than I can remember having in YEARS!
My friends will all tell you the same. They hardly know who I am!!!
The weight issue is still a bugger, but I know that my body underneath all the oddly padded areas is way healthier than ever.

Other than the things I've said above, I feel entirely confident that you will rediscover your intense love of riding, and become increasingly enthusiastic about being there more often.
Give yourself a chance to have some down time!
Other than the changes I've made in my health, I also had a chance for some "down time" before this rennaissance....... I think it made all the difference!

Changing your surroundings was probably a really smart thing, by the way.

((Hugs))!!!!
KD

[SarahandSam]

I am another one voting for lessons. I wouldn't say I get burned out, but sometimes it's just plain hard to muster all the energy required to go to the barn, catch my horse and ride. When I have a lesson though, I look forward to it--because I have a clear goal in mind and something to work toward. If I don't have the motivation to work myself harder, I will wimp out.

I am doing a lesson on Sam today at 2 if you're free. I think Daisy's getting her feet done today too if you want to ask the farrier about her. d;

[newtnoise]

I
I want to remember what it is like to have fun doing it, and to look forward to swinging my leg over a horse's back.

I'm new to riding and have started posting about the fun I'm having. Maybe hearing from us newbies as we discover more of the joy of riding may help?

But I do understand where you are coming from, and sometimes a change of pace/venue is good. I've sort of put to the side another hobby love of mine, flying, after owning a plane for 7 years. I was just burned out too, and only flew to keep the plane in good shape. So I sold the plane and have taken a break from the air...during which I have gotten into riding. So maybe a different hobby for a while may help? I'm pretty sure I'll fly again (just not own again probably), and when I do I will appreciate it from a fresh perspective because of the break.

As for me, this past Tuesday I experienced posting and trotting for the first time, and I can't wait for next week's lesson!

[theblondejumper]

I too was burnt out in the fall of 2006 and ended up taking a two year break. During that time started college (now a junior), traveled, worked a completely new kind of job (riding counselor--kept me close to horses but in a totally different way), and did all sorts of things. I picked up volleyball again and began the search for a new barn. I've been lessoning for the last 6 months and it has been fabulous. I've been very lucky to find barns that have helped me get back on my riding feet and now I'm improving and looking forward to EVERY ride.

Good for you for moving to a more low key barn. A change of pace can do wonders!

[Lori B]

FG, you've had an intense year, horse and lifewise, so it's no wonder you are a bit burned out.

Is there something interesting you've always wanted to try that would be suitable for you and Mr. Windsor? A simple goal, a lesson w/ a new instructor, something to inject some interest and challenge into riding might help.

I second the suggestion for moderate non-riding exercise. Now that it's summer, I drag Mr. LB and the kids down to the middle school tennis courts a couple nights a week, and it's doing a lot for my energy level and mood.

Also, don't judge yourself. You have, in the past year, lived through a terrible loss, struggled w/ some health issues of your own, and literally brought a fine old horse back to life. And parented a toddler, and worked. You don't have to answer to anyone for all that!

[monstrpony]

Flash, you had the Brass Ring for a short time, and then it was tragically taken away from you. There's a part of you that is afraid you will never get it back, that each time you throw a leg over and it isn't there is proof that it's gone forever. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to go through.

Take it from someone who is on their third and fourth once-in-a-lifetime horses: you can get it back, it probably won't be as easy, but, eventually, you will come to see that the journey is just as good as getting there. And you will get there.

Give it time. Just go with it, stop worrying. Your boy is loving life; remember his alternatives, and realize that what you've given him is the best he could have, whether you ride or not. That's worth something--you are his brass ring. Take a deep breath ... and just enjoy the journey in its own time.

[Serigraph]

Funny OP posted this now as I also feel kinda in the same boat. I'm not sure why either.

I do manage to ride almost everyday, but find myself getting pretty lazy and losing ambition. I think a big part of it for me was that my love horse is getting up there in age and he had a hard winter. Made me really sad as I had lots of plans for us. Even though he is sound and I can ride him, I decided not to try to push him further with training and lessons, etc. It's his time to just be.

I also have a green as grass horse, who while he is super sweet, he is very green. Not all our rides are fun or pretty. He also has limitations and I don't think I will be able to jump him.

Being between two horses on two different spectrums, has sapped some of my motivation, I think.

So to get back into the groove, I've decided to send my young horse for training and spend quality time with my older guy. I hope to get back to lessons too.

Do you have nice trails to go on? Where you can ride, but just hang out with your horse at the same time without any pressure to accomplish this or that for the day...

[pines4equines]

I'm voting for no lessons. I too am older and fatter and I found I would be depressed after lessons or schooling sessions by myself. I had several injuries last year and WOW, I do not ride at all like I was 1 year ago and I certainly don't ride like I was when I was in my 20s. I would beat myself up about that. My one injury has left my left shoulder very weak and almost atrophied in the tri-ceps area.

Now, I just ride when I want to. I trail ride. I trailer to a park, brush the horse and if I just want to ride 20 minutes, then I do that. Nothing too strenuous and we stop and eat raspberries or I clip the trails on horse back for others.

My life is also very stressful at this point and going to another stressful thing like a lesson where someone is poking or jabbing you into being better, ugh, I can't bear it.

Unless you could find a really fun, old, fat ladies lesson. One barn tried to start that so that the lesson was more of a coffee klatch on horse back but I think it fizzled out. Now that would be fun! Everyone yammering and trotting around. Maybe stepping over a ground pole and laughing at eat other...that would be fun!

[Lori B]

I used to love the 'middle aged ladies jumping tiny fences' lesson I had a couple summers ago. I know Windsor doesn't jump anymore, but that was fun when we did it.

FG, you know what I think would be a fun and low-stress goal? Do you have any judged trail rides in your area? I totally want to do one of those once Katy is back to work again.

[Katie-Nicole]

FG, if you'd like to take semi-private lessons together, let me know. I'm more than happy to let you laugh at my complete inability to ride at all. :) Would that help?

[amadee]

and am caught up in the middle of "I want to ride and spend time with my horses" and "life is becoming too difficult and complicated to be motivated anymore"

I'm 40 and going through some hormonal changes and 8 months ago had to move my horses from my neighbors place to now the THIRD boarding place, its become worrisome and tiresome. I put my mare in training with a friend who is a trainer back in May and she convinced me to ride in a clinic a few weeks back and my mare came up lame after the first lesson with soreness in her stifle. Pulled my old pony out of the pasture (literally) for the second day and he was a gem and I was so upbeat and happy and motivated and then the "high" went flat after about a week. Vet has prescribed a conditioning program for my mare starting with three thirty minute walk and some trot riding each week to bring her back into condition slowly but I've been sick with bronchitis now for two weeks so it feels like everything is in a downward spiral that I can't seem to ciimb back out from.

I'm sitting here reading COTH on my day off when I should be headed to the barn to ride but am feeling anxiety about having to drive out there. Seems like a vicious cycle and I have no answers for you Flash, I just want to feel what I felt before as I'm sure you do too.

My horses have always been my escape and comfort for my soul when everything else in life was in upheaval and now they've become part of the upheaval too it seems.

[BuddyRoo]

I feel ya.

Last summer I was taking lessons every week, riding pretty much every day and loving every minute of it. Really progressed in my riding and my greener horse was going well.

Now the horses are an hour away and I haven't ridden in a month. The whole thing just feels like a huge chore. The most I do now is trim them, groom out in the field, fly spray, give treats, etc.

I started taking lessons close to home on a friend's horse just to make myself ride...but haven't done that now in awhile either.

I'm hoping I'll find motivation again soon....better living through pharmaceuticals and all that. LOL

[Lori B]

Ok, here's a weird motivational thing, FG.

When I feel burned out about caring for Katy and walking in circles together in the indoor, I think to myself: "your sisters and parents (who think riding is a crazy thing to spend $ on) will hear you say this, and shake their heads knowingly, and feel vindicated in their annoying belief that this was all just a Bad Idea, blah blah blah." This always inspires me to shake off the bad mood, buy a bag of carrots, and haul myself to the barn, where as soon as I see her cute face, I know that it's the right thing. And even when it's not much fun, it is vastly preferable to hearing 'I told you so' from my family. :-)

[slpeders]

FG and 2DaPoint -- I think you're living my life. :) FG, I *know* you and I have been dealing with some parallel stuff with losing our heart horses around the same time. Every time you change your sig I cry, because it's exactly how I feel too.
monstrpony - I know you don't know me, but the words to FG spoke to my heart too, and the comment about how each time you throw a leg over the new horse it kind of reminds you that this isn't THE horse struck a nerve. I know they are different girls, and I don't expect the new girl to be the old girl completely, though I confess I'd like her to develop some of the old girl's calmer qualities.
And Lori B -- that "I'll prove them wrong!" thing IS some days what gets me to the barn and gets me on the mare. She is SO not what people expected me to get -- I was being steered towards a (lovely) draft cross gelding, husband-type horse and got a highly trained sensitive TB mare. What WAS I thinking? I was thinking we could learn a lot from one another. :)
So this is a great thread and thanks for starting it FG! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling like part of me fell off the face of the earth this past year and I'm not alone in trying to figure out how to get it back. Hugs.

[Lori B]

Yeah, slpeders, only for me it's not 'You got a horse that no one would have picked for you', it's "I can't believe that you have a horse at all."

[slpeders]

That was my mom's lament. I got a horse instead of <nicer furniture, a nicer house, a trip to the cabin...you get the idea>. if it helps, *I'm* glad you have a horse, or you might not have posted here to help! :) And for what it's worth, I spent quite a while rehabbing *my* Katie (-ie, as opposed to your -y :)) and it was worth every minute of it. Swear!!

On a plus note, my eq chiro was out last night and commented on the huge improvement in my horse and my connection to her as well. I was walking on air!

[SmartAlex]

I'm at the same point of burn out. I hate feeling anxiety and ambivalence about things that I used to be so confident, determined and motivated to do. It requires some redefinition of who I think I am. It doesn't matter to my horse, my husband, my family or my friends what I do with my horse as long as my horse is cared for, and I am enjoying my hobby. So, like usual, I am going to get dressed to ride, go to the barn, groom the horse, and see what happens from there.
Who knows, maybe I'll have some Eureka moment today, but it's doubtful ;) Until then, I'm going to go out and enjoy the sunshine.

[Arizona DQ]

FG, I wish I had a magic remedy for you! :no: But it seems like you are not alone! I am feeling the same way. It is summer and hot, hot, hot! The bugs are terrible (on me, I spray my mare)..... I am battling a head cold and just have NO energy. I ride in my mind, but just do not have the will or enthusiasm (sp?) to want to go to the barn......:no:

What is worse is the fact that my trainer is thrilled with my mare's progress so I feel even more guilty about not wanting to ride...

It appears we have a lot of company! I am hoping it is just the summer heat......:cool:

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

First, it is not always all about the riding. (It is about buying your ribbons from Hodges, but I digress.)

Seriously. It is okay to take a break.

That being said, what will help you is doing something to help get yourself and your endurance in better shape so the riding will be easier (and more fun). I swear by Pilates. Get Janice Dulak's book - it explains everything so that it makes so much sense.

[slpeders]

Good point Geek. I have realized lately that part of my frustration is that I am physically not where I was a year or two ago. I think that contributes to the mental aspects of the whole thing too. I have been getting bodywork done on myself as well as the mare since we both need it. It has helped me realize that I need to start taking some steps to change -- even if they're tiny ones, like taking the stairs a floor or two at work more often, drinking more water, etc. Coincidentally, a friend is working on her certification to become a personal trainer, so she is going to use me as a homework project too. I warned her already that I am stubborn, resistant to change and NOT a runner, so she is working out a walking program for me, wants to try to add in something fun like maybe kickboxing or ? and helping me learn more about nutrition. I have three books to read and a video to watch so far! and a TON of youtube videos to check out from different folks she feels inspired by. If any of this translates into getting myself into a new mindset, I'll let you all know! :)

[equest]

I agree that its OK to take a break and do something else. This sport is too expensive and time consuming for it to NOT be enjoyable.

It's hot here too, there are bugs galore, humidity and fungus, thunderstorms and mud. There are days when I am scheduled to hack but just don't feel like it but everytime I ride I do feel better and I know I will lose ground if I don't. But, I can definitely see how you feel and how a total break might be advisable. Hope you feel better soon!

[FlashGordon]

Wow thanks to everyone for the very thoughtful, supportive. I wish I could respond to every post as you all have been so kind.

Monstrpony your post spoke volumes and I thank you for that. You summed it up very well. I love Win, I still cry for Dan. I feel like I'm chasing a feeling and it is hard sometimes when I realize it is not there anymore.

I strongly believe that every horse has something to teach us and I appreciate each on that enters my life. For whatever reason Dan was more than "just a horse" and perhaps I will never understand why.

Slpeders funny you mention my sig. I cannot find anything that fits anymore. I keep changing the quote but nothing sits right. I was hoping no one noticed my chronic obsession with changing it. ;) I am so sorry for your own loss, PM me if you ever want to chat.

You guys who brought up the correlation between the mental and physical aspects of this sport are correct. I suffered some vascular damage in my right side this winter that resulted in severe muscle atrophy. It has left me feeling wholly ineffective and insecure in the saddle. I have good balance and can ride through it, but on a horse like Win who needs an assertive ride, I tired quickly. It is weird, I don't get nervous and actually feel quite fearless, but I get angry that things don't work like they used to I've done some PT but perhaps need to find additional ways of strengthening that side.

Lori you've been a great friend throughout the ups and downs of the last few years. The perseverance and determination you've shown in dealing with Katy's issues has been really inspiring to me. You are so level headed and methodical about it, I wish I could be less emotional and more analytical in my own horsey ventures.

Sarah & Katie I will PM both you guys, I appreciate the invitations and will definitely take you up on them!

2009 has been a much better year for me and my family. Maybe I feel like getting the riding back on track is the last piece of the puzzle. I do however know though that I put way too much pressure on myself, in all aspects of my life... I always want to be everything to everyone and in the end all it does is wear me down.

I have a wonderful husband and a truly amazing daughter, so I've been stepping back from the barn and the horses these last few weeks and taking refuge in my family unit.

And I have an old horse who I know is enjoying his life right now! While he won't snuggle with me as much as I'd like, watching him canter around and kick up his heels with his buddies is good enough.

[EqTrainer]

Well...

first of all, twenty pounds on you puts you up to.. what? 110? :lol: although I know you are like I am and feel best when on the too lean than on the plumpier side.

I think sometimes, when you know you are dealing with a horse who has been thru a lot, you have to really be psyched up to keep working then thru their issues. It always helps me to think that I am doing PT on them, not riding them or doing anything for myself, it's all just for them. Sometime during that, it changes to being a pleasure. Usually someone else points that out to me :lol: as I am still up there, fixing away...

but more to the point, I imagine your loss is more like having lost a life partner than a pet. I see each of your signature changes as a sign that you've moved onto the next stage of grief. This one reads acceptance to me. Acceptance is maybe the hardest stage, at least it always seems so in my case... acceptance means living with it as your reality every day. Ouuuuuuch. The other stages seem to come and go, less and more violently, but this one.. is a keeper :cry:

So if that is where you are, perhaps it just doesn't seem like there is room in your ever expanding acceptance for another horse right now. And you know.... if you never get on him again it doesn't matter. You saved his life, that is what matters. And you don't have to redefine who you are right now at this moment, either. You can wait on that and see if you need to, there's no hurry.

Sending you lots of love -
EqT

[smm20]

Some suggestions:

1) yoga classes - will help with muscle strength and relaxation at the same time

2) schedule riding with a friend - trail ride or arena - doesn't matter. If you have a schedule, you will be more likely to accomplish it. Lessons work in the same way but there is more pressure to ride well.

3) buy something new for your horse - money doesn't buy happiness, but a new saddle pad won't break the bank and will make you want to USE it

4) another outdoor hobby like hiking, gardening or wildlife photography - gets you outside where the sun helps with mood, gives you a sense of accomplishment when you finish the hike, grow the veggies or take some really awesome photos

5) volunteer with a therapeutic riding program - you might rediscover your enthusiasm for horses and riding when you see how excited those kids get and how happy riding makes them

6) this might be blasphemy.....but cut the internet time. Internet time eats up your day and can make you feel like you've done something when you really haven't. Hang out with friends in the flesh - go for coffee, go to a movie, or take some time alone to read a book.

[FlashGordon]

I think what it comes down to is I'm still grieving. I didn't realize it until some of you guys touched on it in your posts. I keep trying to force myself past it and I suspect that is the root of my problems.

Win has Dan's fly mask on, and I nearly cried last week when the BO said I should try and get some of the chestnut hair scrubbed off it so the velcro works better. :( She didn't know Dan and really doesn't know much of the story so I'm sure she didn't mean to make me upset, but I was speechless nonetheless.

Contrarily, I can't bear to look at the tail and mane hair I cut after he died. I think that reminds me of his passing.... whereas his everyday stuff covered in red hair reminds me of him living.

I feel restless at times, trying to "fix" whatever is wrong with my brain in regards to riding and horses. I've tried everything under the sun attempting to plug the hole and make it better. Maybe I just need more time.

The paparazzi sunglasses are getting a workout today.

G, I find solace in your friendship as I know you loved that horse too. We knew him in different ways I think but he was special to us both.

So many of you have been so very supportive and kind, as I've struggled with both horse issues and life issues. I hope some day I am able to repay the generosity you guys have shown me.

[Katie-Nicole]

You know, I had a dog that died 8 years ago and I can't talk about her without crying. Someone had mentioned putting her collar on my current dog and that to me was unthinkable! The loss of something so dear is a very slow healing wound, and the scar will be ever-lasting. But, that scar of love will eventally be something sported with pride because we all know we only grieve that way because we loved so much. Every horse deserves to be loved like that. You and Dan were both very, very lucky.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

It is okay to grieve, and it is okay to change your goals as a consequence of a major issue in your life. Temporarily, permanently, it is YOUR life.

Some of my happiest times are with Ted when we don't ride. I had a great ride Wednesday in a lesson - I am really changing my body and really connected from my core to his and I was so happy. Ted was not as forward as we thought he should have been - turns out he must have pulled something in his shoulder. So to be careful, last night I called him, he called back from the deep recesses of his run in, then he made a mad dash for me and the gate (when it's this buggy, it's as if he has to *know* it's me, or it's not worth coming back out). And he got scritched, and some more anti fly ointment (thanks, equineartworks!) dabbed on, and then we went out grazing. Ted with his fly boots on, me with my laptop. So peaceful. Very relaxing. Every so often I'd put the laptop down, go over and just hug him. Every so often he would come by my chair and snuffle.

I love the riding. I love being able to connect two such different bodies. But the connection also happens elsewhere.

Just be kind to yourself.

[onthebit]

Flash, you've been through SO MUCH in the last twelve months, both with highs and lows. I to have been feeling in kind of a rut. Sometimes I was hesitant to label it as burn out. I think sometimes it was, sometimes it was more a lack of a plan and goal, and some of the time if has flat out been the saga of my riding life. I have my two super nice youngsters that I've raised and I love them both, but there is working with greenies and then starting from completely unbacked. I never realized how much of a difference there was between unbroke and green. On top of that just when we were really starting to make progress you will recall my trailer accident last summer that did nothing positive for my horses or my saddle time . . .

Anyway, I've been working on solutions. I haven't finalized anything yet but I'm getting there. Thank goodness for my saint of a husband who has to put up with the saga that is my riding (or lack thereof) these days.

Sometimes you just kind of have to roll with life for awhile and that is what I've been doing in regards to my life as far as riding. Only in the last couple of months have I felt the urge to actually start making changes and addressing things. So don't force yourself to feel like you need to be doing something as far as riding and/or wanting to ride. I wallowed around in my rut for a few years until *I* was ready to come out of it.

[Catersun]

I'm with ya on the weakness thing... I two two lessons after Andrew was born, and i still have the position but I couldn't maintain it worth poo because I am so weak from not riding. Eh- Flashy.. I'm with ya. We got good news today, we'll sign papers tomorrow. But it still means that I have a long road ahead.. so do me a favor... just go for a little ride for me. Take a deep breathe up there and then come back and remind me what it's like up there and what I am missing.

[FlashGordon]

It seems there are lots of us adult ammies out there who, for whatever reason, get burned out, lose motivation, have to let go of goals, dreams etc. Life gets in the way sometimes. I miss the days of being 16 and riding my pony bareback down the road all day! :lol:

At the end of the day OTB you are right, going with the flow is perhaps the best way to approach things.

I have started to accept that things are as they are. He's not here, I can't bring him back, I also can't expect to live the plans I had for him with another horse... not fair to me or the horse.

Win is insanely goofy. He loves his pasture, his girlfriends, and standing in front of his fan. He prefers to be admired, from about 2 feet away, but he will happily flap his tongue and flip his head and do his best Mr. Ed impression. I never saw him as my riding partner, more as a friend. In theory we should be a good match under saddle... Yes I've been hopeful at times that things would work out and we would ride lots but I don't think that is part of our story. Will I still climb on him now and again? Probably (and just for you Cater I will make sure to get a quick ride in this weekend! ;)) But neither of us have our hearts or heads in making a real go of things under saddle.

Anyway I'm glad for all the stories and perspectives on this thread.... good to know I am not alone at least. I suppose we can all muddle through together....

[SarahandSam]

I like your sig, mainly because I love e e cummings. d;

Tried to PM you back but your box was full! I will probably go out really early to hack tomorrow unless it's icky... Monday I am definitely going, not sure what time, but if there's a time that works for you and you'd like to come along that would be great, and you'd be welcome to hop up on Sam if you feel like riding a silly red pony. (:

[SharonA]

Of course money can buy happiness. It can buy new tack. I, a middle-aged, overweight adult re-rider, am finding happiness through bling. Yes, it is shameful to admit, but I get a huge kick out of my blue and amber crystal-decorated bridle and reins. The teenagers at my barn are embarrassed for me, I'm sure (none of them is so tacky as to have bling on their tack), but I have decided I think it's pretty snazzy.

It is a nice distraction from actually riding. :-)

[Risk-Averse Rider]

Unless you could find a really fun, old, fat ladies lesson. One barn tried to start that so that the lesson was more of a coffee klatch on horse back but I think it fizzled out. Now that would be fun! Everyone yammering and trotting around. Maybe stepping over a ground pole and laughing at eat other...that would be fun!Not necessarily fat, but old - we had a Fossils Over Fences lesson at one point. We would discuss before each lesson which of us was feeling the most fragile that week, then tell the instructor she could NOT pick on that person - just the other two.

I miss that a lot...

[Risk-Averse Rider]

Something I often do when I don't feel like riding (when it's not 112, that is) is just take the boys for a walk. Like two big honkin' puppy dogs.

[FlashGordon]

Pines4Equines and RAR, "old lady lessons" are just what I need. I just don't want to think too hard, lol. I want to sit on something and hack it and let my brain wander.

Sarah, Win's getting his feet done Monday at 4:30. Let me know what time you were thinking.

What time are you typically there? Day or evenings? If it is daytime, I could probably arrange a sitter for Little FG and meet you out there during the day if that is easier.

I love ee cummings. That particular poem is probably my favorite of all time.

[FlashGordon]

There was so much good advice and perspective and inspiration in this thread and I thank you all for that.

I did ride my boy today. We kept a friend company on a 30 minute walk around the property. Her mare was being a pistol, so we were drafted to be the calming influence.

It was good for both of us. Once I was in the saddle, I was happy to be there. Win and I both were so busy being good influences on the silly mare and her stressed out rider, that we were not focused on accomplishing anything... and I think that is the key for both of us. He was not fighting me, and I was not over thinking.

I'm going to try to continue our little "walk hacks" around the property, if for no other reason than to get Win out and about and using his muscles in a productive way. His reflexes are a bit slow for whatever reason, and I don't think we are ever going to go beyond short W/T rides.... but that is ok.

I have very mixed feelings. I'd love to be able to walk away from horses completely. But it is too much a part of me, so I will ride through grief and eventually I'm hoping I come out the other side.

Thanks again to all for the responses, PMs and all the support, and great ideas, and sympathy too.

[Tiffany01]

im burnt out also right now...

[FindersKeepers]

FG, I can't say I know what you're dealing with because I don't know the full story, and this is not the place to rehash it all, I am sure.

I will tell you though that grief is a sneaky thing and can hide places and sneak out when you're not expecting it, as I think you have found through posting this thread. Even though the dust has settled... something's still not right.

I think the first thing you should do is take a step back and stop putting pressure on yourself. Don't feel guilty. Don't feel like you HAVE to ride. Spend some time with Win just hanging out and getting to know him. It won't hurt him at all. Just get to know him and build a bond. Even if its just going to hand graze him and brush him twice a week. You can't force a bond, you have to let it work itself out naturally. So tell yourself for now, you will go to the barn on a certain day. Don't go out any other days unless you want to. And you will want to. Maybe not right away, but you will wake up one morning, step outside and say "this is the perfect day for a ride" so go on those days.

This is supposed to be fun. It's a passion, not a punishment. Take time for you,and find the best way for you to work through your grief. A few therapy sessions may be very beneficial. I needed them when I lost an equine. I didn't think that her death had anything to do with how I was feeling. I went to 3 sessions, figured out how my brain was working and how to work though it. It was the best thing I could have done for myself.

[pintopiaffe]

but more to the point, I imagine your loss is more like having lost a life partner than a pet. I see each of your signature changes as a sign that you've moved onto the next stage of grief. This one reads acceptance to me. Acceptance is maybe the hardest stage, at least it always seems so in my case... acceptance means living with it as your reality every day. Ouuuuuuch. The other stages seem to come and go, less and more violently, but this one.. is a keeper :cry:

So if that is where you are, perhaps it just doesn't seem like there is room in your ever expanding acceptance for another horse right now. And you know.... if you never get on him again it doesn't matter. You saved his life, that is what matters. And you don't have to redefine who you are right now at this moment, either. You can wait on that and see if you need to, there's no hurry.


:sadsmile: emphasis mine, but the words couldn't be said better. :sadsmile:

More than a month ago I posted on the dressage forum about not having what it takes. Either it was premonition, or self-fulfilling prophecy, because tonight was the first time I was on in more than a month. Mostly due to weather.

Mostly.

It'll be six years since I lost Integrity this fall. I still cry at odd times, or That Song, or just... nothing. On my birthday I walked out and visited her grave, and that of my Special dog. It's the first time I talked to her. I've talked to Gus a lot. But it was different. She was different. She was my first foal of my own. Two years in the making between the planning, the breeding, gestation, etc. She was promise and passion...

And words can't even express *what* she was, because she touched the part of me beyond words. Most people don't get it. Some do.

Then life just kept piling one thing after another on me. Physical, mental, family... Some of it in the 'what doesn't kill me...' category...

And last week I booked out sick on Monday, knowing I'd take Tuesday too, and have five days off. I truly WAS sick on Monday, and slept a lot and did nothing. It was pouring and cold and dark. Good for doing nothing. I found out late in the day my job is over soon. Tuesday I did slightly less. :lol: Come the end of the week, I was doing *some* stuff, but also doing nothing. I've slept a lot, but in a good way. Sleeping through the night, waking up refreshed and getting up.

Yesterday I got a wee bit too much sun while fussing with my Barbie Dream Pony... Today I fixed fences for four hours, went to church, and rode.

And I feel like I am healing, finally. I am *resting*. I'm moving too--fixing fences is good work--but it's like I never stepped back and just *breathed*... probably not since she died. I've lost others, before, and since, but not like Her.

And when I sign off the computer in a few minutes, I'm going to wander around and do night check, and tease the fireflies with my LED light, and smell the wet earth and sweet grass and listen to the night sounds...

Physically I'm sloooowly getting better. Better living through Rx is part of it. Rest is part of it. Peace seems to be part of it, I'm finding out. Sometimes it hurts to ride. And sometimes I'm frustrated as hell that the body won't cooperate with what the brain knows... And sometimes it's just too damn hard to tack up. I want to *ride*, I just don't want to groom, and saddle, and bridle, and bug spray, and boot, and... it's not like I don't ADORE spending time with them, but sometimes the RIDING just seems beyond me...

It's getting better. But I've learned a heck of a lot in the letting go, too.

[FlashGordon]

She was different. She was my first foal of my own. Two years in the making between the planning, the breeding, gestation, etc. She was promise and passion...

And words can't even express *what* she was, because she touched the part of me beyond words. Most people don't get it. Some do.

Then life just kept piling one thing after another on me. Physical, mental, family... Some of it in the 'what doesn't kill me...' category...

Physically I'm sloooowly getting better. Better living through Rx is part of it. Rest is part of it. Peace seems to be part of it, I'm finding out. Sometimes it hurts to ride. And sometimes I'm frustrated as hell that the body won't cooperate with what the brain knows... And sometimes it's just too damn hard to tack up. I want to *ride*, I just don't want to groom, and saddle, and bridle, and bug spray, and boot, and... it's not like I don't ADORE spending time with them, but sometimes the RIDING just seems beyond me...

It's getting better. But I've learned a heck of a lot in the letting go, too.


This is all very much the case with me, too. :sadsmile:

I remember well your post on the Dressage forum back a few weeks ago...

As adults, with families and jobs and stresses and things.... I think this burned out, bittersweet feeling is perhaps a familiar one for many of us.

Sometimes I keep doing this because I don't know how to NOT do it.

Someday I hope I find the passion for it again. For now I'm lucky to be surrounded by wonderful family, good friends, and plenty of decent horses.

And so we muddle on....

[pintopiaffe]

Sometimes I keep doing this because I don't know how to NOT do it.

Well, that, true...

But also I could sooner stop breathing than stop horses entirely.

I spent more than a half hour this morning, watching mares SLEEP. Just that. <shrugs>

I think Win is perfect for this time for you.

I think it's good to ask the questions, but ok to find out there might not actually be an answer right now.

And I too have very good friends--some I've never actually *met* in person.

And yes, we muddle on.

[FlashGordon]

Well, that, true...

But also I could sooner stop breathing than stop horses entirely.

I spent more than a half hour this morning, watching mares SLEEP. Just that. <shrugs>

I think Win is perfect for this time for you.

I think it's good to ask the questions, but ok to find out there might not actually be an answer right now.

And I too have very good friends--some I've never actually *met* in person.

And yes, we muddle on.

He is, most definitely. I will be forever grateful for his unexpected appearance in my life. He is a funny, wise, kind soul and the two of us spend a good amount of time doing.... nothing... together. It is kind of nice, actually.

Perhaps why I'm not exactly all that interested in changing the dynamic of our relationship. We both seem quite content to just *be* together.

PP I agree, lots of good friends whom I've never met either, hope I do some day... ;)

[slc2]

I think a big part of enjoying riding thru much of one's life is being adaptable. The time a person spends showing and being really intense about riding is usually brief. Most people spend much more time simply enjoying horses in a simple and pleasant, low key way. For most people a horse is a companion animal, and most horses are perfectly content just going for a hack once in a while.

Many women I know have gone through a very intense period of riding and showing frequently. When the kids are born, maybe they want to spend tha ttime with their children...often later the horse becomes more important again; many people return to riding more intensely when they have more time...some don't and riding just becomes a quiet, relaxing time for them.

I also think it's ok to quit riding. As long as a good owner can be found for the horse, it is not a bad thing to quit when you aren't getting much out of it and are forcing yourself to keep at it.

A friend of mine lost interest after her mom passed with cancer. She wanted to spend the time volunteering and helping others. Her riding friends had a fit...sad. Sometimes following one's dreams means riding, sometimes it does not.

[SarahandSam]

I'm glad you and Win had such a nice, relaxing time together. There's nothing wrong with his job title being 'companion horse' or 'walk partner.' We all need a good buddy to hang out with...

Going to the barn sometime tomorrow if you want to join me... pm or text me if you're interested. Not sure what time, will probably involve waking up first. (:

[Posting Trot]

FlashGordon, I just wanted to say that given your posts here, I find your signature line (the line from the ee cummings poem) to be incredibly poignant. It's such a beautiful poem.

The first dog I owned as an adult died 14 years ago (almost). I still miss him. This even though I feel I have an extraordinarily lucky and happy life. I have other dogs now, and I don't love them less, I just love them differently, for different reasons.

[Pocket Pony]

Flashy, I totally get the burned-out feeling. Sometimes I'm more into riding than others. Last summer I had two horses going and I sometimes rode Mr. PoPo's horse as well. This summer, I can barely ride Paddy. Miles's shoes are off, and Mr. PoPo is now exclusively in charge of the Tomato.

I had this great enthusiasm for going the DQ route with Paddy this year but I don't have the $$ to go to a lot of shows and now I'm going to have surgery this week and I really don't know what is in store for me after that.

I am lucky to keep the horses at home and I do enjoy just watching them. I have to remind myself that they really don't care if they get ridden or not. THEY don't have goals. THEY don't want to move up the levels of a given sport, it is we who put the pressure on. IMHO, they could care less. So I consider the "not-riding" times a gift to them. They get to do what they enjoy most - eating, napping, playing with friends, roaming around, getting dirty, scratching on trees, whatever.

I've learned to go with whatever I want to do. If I feel like riding, I do. If I don't then I don't.

You had such a love for Dan. I'm sure you'll never get over it and your grieving process is still ongoing. Allow yourself to experience that in whatever form it take.s

[Equilibrium]

FG,

Thanks for this post. I'm glad to know it is ok to be burnt out. It's 5am here in Ireland and I'm gearing myself up for riding 5 today. I'm 40 and had a long career with horses, but now, seriously hard to get motivated about doing anything with them. And while 3 today will be client's horses, 2 are mine. One is helping me get my shape back and the other is a youngster. I think the only reason for some motivation is my youngster.

While I made a career out of horses I didn't own my own until 8 years ago. This youngster is one of my homebreds that is my special horse. Probably not special to anyone but me, but still, I'm up at 5am again getting motivated after not being so motivated for the last couple of years. So I am trying for her sake.

And as most of what we do is a business, it's very hard to keep the enthusiasm going, but we have to.

Anyway, thanks so much for sharing,

Terri

[SuperSTB]

I'm still reading through the posts but...

I go through highs and lows too. Currently on a low but not the worst one- that was a couple years ago. Anyhoo the biggest issue for me is horse PEOPLE not really the horses, dealing with PIA unethical horse people just leaves me feeling so crappy I wonder if it's worth any horse people socializing. The second biggest factor is always my day job which gets mentally taxing so by the time I'm home I just want to veg-out.

I've got a saint of a mare- riding or driving her is so much fun. But I tend to get caught up in non riding/driving activities and then I end up not doing anything at all with her. I force my self to at least do some exercise though because she *has* to be exercised with such small turnout.

But anyway- I get over it. By next month I could be singing a whole different tune.

[LouLove]

As you can see, you are not alone. I feel as if we search for a purpose in everything that we do. With Dan, there was an obvious purpose. Your goals were being accomplished. He answered your horse prayers. The ones that you know HOW to ask for.

When we are given things that we never asked for, they are hard to assess. It seems that you are still assessing Win. Trying to figure out the how's and why's. Maybe there are days when you question your decision with his purchase because you still aren't sure what the obvious purpose is. With Win, you may never know. Maybe you are just here to be his saviour. And being a saviour is the purpose. And that's it. Nothing more. But maybe he is here to show you a new side of horses. Who knows? We are all here, and we follow the little paths in the sand as we're directed, but sometimes the winds of change come along and we get royally screwed. We do eventually find our way again.

I go through moments of burn out all of the time. Being a mom, and recovering from a back injury, managing a team of people in the tech industry. Sometimes it is so hard to nurture another being! That is what gets me. I burnout from the soothing, and the coddling, and the educating and the leading. It is very tiring. So there are the nights when I stop. I go into the field and I stand and watch my horse. It is dark, and it is quiet. He nuzzles his friends and I just "be". And then I go home.

You will get on the upswing again. You seem to be a very special person who has encounters with very special horses.

Hugs to you. Thanks for being here. You have given me some excellent advice along the way.

LL

[rainechyldes]

I'll be honest, I burn out every day:)
I ride many many miles, as I have 5..yes 5 different horses in training for endurance right now. And its an effort I tell you to get on and go..again..somemore.. because I have to- for whatever competition is coming up.

This past spring, I really hit bottom, I just couldn't be bothered. I used to ride for fun!, now it's all work. :/

So I took my favorite horse out and just went, 5 hours. No training, no heart monitor, no gps.
Apparently it was so startling, that one of my neighbors came looking for me, since I generally run each horse for 2 1/2 hours , come home, pop onto the next. But I had a great time, just sauntering along and remembering why I love my horses, and why I love my sport. I now take time every week for a 'fun' ride. no goal, nothing, just me, horse and the great outdoors. It's helped a ton with staying focused the rest of the week.

[shawneeAcres]

I too am in a terrible "slump" that I ahve been in now for a couple of years. I have been teaching and training most of my life (51+ years now) and it has become my livelihood (again) thru necessity when I was laid off a few years back. My own riding took a backseat, and now I jsut cannot convince myself to ride regularly. I only ride hroses i HAVE to ride, client horses when necessary, rarely my own. After I ride I usually am gad I did and say to myself "WHY do I not want to do this". I had not jumped in quite a while and jumped a clients horse about a week and a half ago and even though he is a greenie we had a great school, so WHY do I avoid it? I hate to voice this since I am a pro (albeit a small time one!), and don't want my student sto know I jsut have this fear inside, and it's NOT a fear of getting hurt but more a fear of not beign good enough anymore. Yet everytime I ride I realize I haven't "lost it". If I could, I'd go back ammie and see if that changed things, but I simply cannot. So I too have this problem, I make myself do what I have to do,a nd I still love for my student to show and do well, but hard to motivate myself.

[Sadie'sMom]

I'm fighting the burned out feeling, myself. Where I keep one horse, there's nowhere to ride and I have to trailer out to do much of anything. Where the other one is, I just had to scratch out of a clinic that I talked myself into doing, because of an injury. Sigh. I try to stay involved and excited about riding, but it's just so darn hard. But I have to keep trying. I asked myself what I'd like to do if I weren't into horses, and NOTHING came to mind. That's scary.

[mkevent]

Flash-from what I understand, you have a pretty busy life! I think that with all you are juggling, and everything you have been through, how you are feeling is perfectly understandable.

I'm a bit older(49) and even though now I just work on the farm, I think it's the cumulative years of trying to cram 10 lbs of @#$@# into a 5 lb bag that's finally caught up with me. Being a wife, mother, horse owner, employee, etc. is draining-both physically and emotionally. If you are a "giver" type of personality, it can just take its toll on you. Give yourself time and do what you need to do to feel better-not what anyone else thinks you should do.

This is the first year I've taken a break from competing and it's been kinda nice. I used to take 2 lessons a week and compete regularly but I can't afford to do that anymore. Now I lesson once a week. My instructor had me convinced that the more horses that I rode, the better I would be-so I owned and lessoned with 2 horses for years. I don't think it made me that much better because I was too stressed out trying to keep 2 competition horses going with everything else in life. Everyone has to find their own balance-and when that comes, the motivation will follow.

[FlashGordon]

Thanks to all for the continued support and thoughtful responses.

My BO has been very sympathetic to my feelings and I've had some good chats with her the last few days. She said she thinks part of my issue is my fear of pushing Win.... it has been a long rehab with him, we have finally achieved balance, and riding him would be taking things "to the next level" so to speak. That is scary, as I don't want to stress him or disrupt the good thing we have going with him physically and mentally. I am afraid of losing him.

It is good to know I'm not the only one who likes to just watch my horse. ;) I spend quite a bit of time just spectating... watching him interact with his buddies, canter around his field, munch grass, sleep in his stall.... It is nice sometimes to just sit and take it all in.

I've learned the last few years that being involved in horses is not all about the riding.... there is much more to it than that. I do sometimes miss riding as much as I once did, but at the same time, I've become a better horse person by stepping back, watching, learning and most important, listening.

I'm feeling a little more encouraged this week (thanks to you all, no doubt) and hoping to continue our little trail rides. I've decided to just sit on him without any expectation of achieving anything and see how things go.

Thanks again to all.... I wish all you guys the best in your own personal journeys!

[lovemyoldguy]

FG - I just wanted to let you know that your in my thoughts. I think it's awesome that you've opened your heart up to Winston and I think you should, as everyone here has recommended, just take things at your own pace. There's no timetable for you.

Re: watching your horse - I did nothing but watch my horse for nine years. I retired him at 26...he just seemed to have lost his desire to work u/s, and I thought, heck, he's had such a long career and how much longer will he be around anyway? :lol: I haven't ridden since then, but I spent hours upon hours upon hours with him during those nine years. Sometimes I'd just sit in a chair outside his stall and read while he napped. It doesn't matter one.single.bit what you do, as long as you're content.