The only thing worse than having to retire a horses . . .

[PhoenixFarm]

. . . is having to tell one of your junior students that their horse has to be retired.

Fantastic 15yo girl who has worked with me for about a year--talent, work ethic, just a fun kid to work with. Came to me with a just acquired OTTB mare--flashy and gorgeous, but VERY tough. Family has limited funds, so she worked with me once or twice a week, trailering in, except for one 30 day period where the mare was trying some behavior that was NOT OK for a junior, and we got her through it. But the mare wasn't a walk in the park, and a lot of kids would have thrown in the towel. She perservered, and they had just done their first schooling show a few weekends ago.

She is working for me this summer, so she can keep her horse here and lesson every day, with a goal of their first BN in August.

Right before she got out of school she called to say the mare was off, had "windpuffs", but by the time she brought the horse here, she was sound, and the windpuffs were gone. Four days ago, the mare came up pretty lame on her LF, and I could see the "windpuffs", uh, weren't. Vet came this morning, and long story short, the mare has a hash of a fetlock--massive changes, partially ruptured capsule (the windpuffs are the leaking joint fluid), 5 out of 5 hopping lame on flexion, etc. Essentially a no hoper. Especially as the horse is young and in not exactly heavy duty work. She raced extensively, and most of the damage is from that.

I suspected this was going to be a bad outcome, but it was absolutely heartbreaking to have to tell this kid and watch her face crumple. She's worked so hard, and it is a lovely, if unsound, horse.

The silver lining is that the horse was acquired from a family friend, who breeds, trains, owns, and pinhooks racehorses. This mare was a successful runner for them, and they have said from the beginning they would take her back as a broodmare and let the kid pick out another horse if she was physically or mentally unsuitable. Of course, right now the girl doesn't want to think about that, but at least we have options. The parents have spoken with them, and they're willing to come pick up the mare as soon as the kid is ready to let her go. I suspect it will be a few weeks before she's ready to pick out another.

Still, it was a sad day here, and my heart breaks for this good kid. And for the mare too. I sent her home to cry it out. Then I shed a tear, too.

[deltawave]

It's so tough when you're a teenager and haven't yet learned that the earth continues to revolve when stuff like this happens. :sigh: BUT, there's a huge silver lining here and she's lucky to have the option of sending her beloved mare to be a mama, and won't it be fun for her to maybe visit the baby, etc? :)

I'd let the girl have as much control as possible (within reason!) over the timing and arrangements for the mare's "career change"--let her spend some time fussing with the mare, making her feel better, getting her beautiful, etc. and maybe this will help her to let go. :sadsmile:

Any hope of salvaging the girl's summer plans with a lease horse, one that nobody has time to ride, another project, etc? Might help her shift gears if there's a challenge ahead and a chance to keep her summer dream going somehow. Good luck; she's lucky to have a trainer who cares about her like this. :)

[BBowen]

. . . is having to tell one of your junior students that their horse has to be retired.

The silver lining is that the horse was acquired from a family friend, who breeds, trains, owns, and pinhooks racehorses. This mare was a successful runner for them, and they have said from the beginning they would take her back as a broodmare and let the kid pick out another horse if she was physically or mentally unsuitable. Of course, right now the girl doesn't want to think about that, but at least we have options. The parents have spoken with them, and they're willing to come pick up the mare as soon as the kid is ready to let her go. I suspect it will be a few weeks before she's ready to pick out another.

Still, it was a sad day here, and my heart breaks for this good kid. And for the mare too. I sent her home to cry it out. Then I shed a tear, too.


And you are a wonderful teacher and mentor to this young student. She will find it in herself to move on and work for her goas with a new horse, but it doesn't hurt any less. Hugs to you both.

[CookiePony]

I remember being 16 and finding out that my horse had to be retired. It was not easy, and I'm sure my wonderful instructor at the time dreaded telling me. In my case the silver lining was that we found a great home for her and I leased another horse that taught me a lot and was more competitive. These times will be sad (horses leave a long trail of broken hearts!) but with a compassionate teacher like you I can see your student thriving and moving forward. Keep us posted.

[GotSpots]

Phoenix - I wish I'd had trainers and coaches like you guys when I was a kid. Thanks for everything you do and care about.

[ss3777]

That is a very hard lesson to learn at a young age. On the flip side, she is so fortunate to have you in her corner!!! Where were you when I was at the equine school of hard knocks???

[jumpsnake]

ss, I second that! I wish I had a trainer like you!
Now, as an adult, I do--- but I don't need that sympathy as much now. It still helps though!

Tell her all the cothers feel for her!

[retreadeventer]

You know, the mare has a home.
How many of these off track horses with terrible problems do not have retirement homes to go back to? This is a lucky, lucky LUCKY horse. This girl does not have a problem. She's going to get a NEW horse. The trainer does not have a problem, the student will continue on. In terms of the real world, this is a pretty good outcome. Horses get hurt. They have stuff happen. No horse in training to do anything strenuous, is ever going to be perfect. In fact, if you stick with horses long enough, they will ALL break your heart on a regular basis. "Better get used to it" sounds harsh (reminds me of the "cupcake" remark - ick) - but if she's a real horse person, unfortunately, we have to love them while we have them, and once they are gone, love the next one who needs us.

[samd]

I'm so sorry to hear this PF!! I hope things get on the mend soon. I had heard that that was a possibility when she went lame and I'm so sorry to hear that is what really happened.

[Mach Two]

I feel for the kid, and feel for you as the trainer who did everything you could to help her get something happening with that horse...Hope some silver lining comes from this. Those hard used racehorses will sure break your heart, won't they?
In the long run, the retirement might be the thing that saved the kid from perhaps an injury if the horse broke down with her on course somewhere....or tried something unacceptable...so sorry to hear this story, but glad you shared it!

[mandalea]

Oh gosh :cry:

If she was my friend, I would be so heart broken for her. I am now.

Unfortunately, I may have to retire Taffy in the next couple of years, as he is starting to get arthritis, his scar tissue is becoming an issue, and he's just getting a lot harder to tone up because he is getting old. He is 18 and has had a very busy working life.

:sigh: Give her my jingles please.

By the by, I would love my instructor to be as nice and caring as you :sadsmile:

[clivers]

Yeah, that is a tough break for the poor girl. Like we all did at that age (and some of us continue to!!!), she clearly invested a lot of hope in her mare, along with all of that hard work. She's lucky that she has a trainer like the OP who gets it and gets her, and extra lucky that there is another home waiting for her pony. I agree with DW on letting the kid set the timeline for trading in her mare - she may need a bit of time to "grieve".
Anyone else feel like it's no wonder "horse girls" can be a bit, er, intense at times? This girl has been up and down an emotional rollercoaster a few times this year, while most of her friends are probably texting about where to go tanning tonight!

[monstrpony]

Well, I'm glad there are the silver linings, at least. A tough lesson, learned early, and with a stout safety-net. A bad situation, without a doubt, but ...

Good that she has you to see her through it. I hope the next one that picks her is Mr. Wonderful--sound, kind, and talented.

[EqTrainer]

In the long run it will be one of the best life lessons she ever has as long as it is handled well.

My working students big eq horse prospect tore his hind suspensory by sticking it thru a hanging bucket - the night after his first really fabulous jumping session. She was 15 years old... he was her first project horse. She rehabbed him, it took a year.. and then he developed narcopsy and a host of other issues that were unsolvable. After turning him out for 6 months she asked me if I thought we should euthanize him rather than wait for him to fall down and break a leg. I was so proud of her :sadsmile: I actually held him for the vet and buried him on my farm, but she came out a week later with her parents.. apparently they had been "babying" her over it and she said she did not want to see his grave that day.. I told her that in the future, we would be riding right by it every day and we would be able to say HI to him.. so she needed to get in the golf cart right then and go see it. She did and was so glad that I pushed her to do so. Not long after that her pet goat was attacked by a rottweiler and she held him while he bled out. Two weeks later it was time to euthanize her really old, decrepit dog - the one she had had since she was a little girl.. she took him in to the vet and held him. She told me afterwards that she was no longer afraid of death, that she understood it was part of life and that she was glad she got to be there for her goat and her dog. I am sure now that part of her wishes she had been here for her horse but she was not ready.

Sorry for the long story but coming to terms w/the fact that what we want to happen w/our horses is not always what really happens and that we need to always do what is right for them first is an important thing to learn.. the younger, the better. We all see adults who have never learned this; it's sad, they are never happy w/their horses, only disappointed when things are not perfect.

Good luck to your girl, I am sure if this is handled well she will not only get over it but be a better person for it.

[PhoenixFarm]

Thanks everyone for the kind words about me, but really I want them for the kid. She's taking it hard still, but is coming back to work tomorrow, and I'll get her back up on something here asap. Not the same as hers, but without the emotional baggage either--just a horse to ride.

It is absolutely one of the milestones all we horsepeople go through, albeit one of the unpleasant ones. We've all been there, and now she has too.

'Course you add the 15-teenage-hormones-drama thing in to it, and I think it makes it a titch harder :winkgrin:, EVERYTHING seemed like the end of the world when I was 15--and I just had a naughty horse, not a lame one.

Here's to hoping she bounces back. :yes:

[Sacred_Petra]

Having been in your students position for the last two years (my poor baby can't seem to catch a break) my heart goes out to her. I'd never thought about how my trainer must have felt when she told me, but I'm glad she told me and not my vet. This girl is lucky though, 'cause it sounds like she has some great things going for her. Not only do you have a horse you can put her on and the mare has a good home she can go to in retirement. Also, she gets to pick out a new horse, even if that might be the hardest part (even more so when you've invested a lot of emotional baggage in the horse).

Good for you for being there and being suportive to the girl. When things get tough like this, trainers like you are worth your weight in gold. :)

It sounds like she's got a decent relationship with the people who sold her the mare. I wonder if they would allow her to pick out the suitable replacements and then spend some time bonding with one of them before she buys. I know for me, when I have my bad moments where I want to back out of buying a new horse (even though I'm boucing off the walls excited for my new project, it means my baby is retired permenantly and I can't stay in denial), it helps to visit my soon-to-be new guy or at least remember all the reasons that I do want to buy him.

Best of luck to you and your student in this tough time.

[staceyk]

Hi,

That's a sad story that I'm sure a lot of people have lived out. At my barn there is a young girl whose horse's career ended, and how HER career has ended, because her family cannot afford to care for two and she won't part with her friend.

No knowing the mind of a 15 year old, I don't know how the girl would react to a few observations...

-- This IS the horse world. Everyone in the horse world experiences, or fears, these kind of heartbreaks. It is part of the journey and an experience she is sharing with top horsemen everywhere.
-- She doesn't sound like one who will wallow in it too much but HOW WONDERFUL that her mare has a home, and she can have babies that perhaps this girl can watch and enjoy! How fortunate she is that she doesn't have to choose between caring for her old friend and finding a new partner. That is a reality for many of us.

I don't mean to sound insensitive to her loss. It is a story I hear over and over, and each time it reminds me of how difficult it is to be in this sport (meaning horses ).

[Ritazza]

A very sad similar story is going on here at my barn right now - the 17 year old girl with the mare that everyone said would never get past First level is now showing 4th level with success and has now qualified for a spot on the team for the NAJYRC... which is coming up fast. Horse hasn't been right, hasn't been right, hasn't been right these past couple weeks... vet comes out, mare is pretty crippled on her left hind and right front, and radiographs show a possible cyst on P3 in the right fore. From what I understand, the outcome isn't favorable.
This girl works SO HARD for what she has and it's just heartbreaking to watch all this.

[Smufy3DE]

ahh I feel her pain. I was 17 and I had just spend the winter with my appendix QH down in FL trying to get qualified for YR's. I had always been told the horse couldn't go above training and instead he packed my butt around a one star and I was soo excitied to show everyone what I had accomplished. Well three weeks after we were home, I got a call at 6am and had to go out to the barn to put him down, he shattered his front leg and we still have no idea how. :( it was horrible. I had never seen my Dad cry and to this day it still breaks my heart. But I learned a wonderful lesson early on, and Im sure your student will too. It sounds like she has a great support team, and hopefully she will soon realize that everything may look grim at the begining, but there are reasons for everything and honestly I am the luckiest girl right now. I have a wonderful TB i got off the track after we put Griff down, and he is now going Intermediate, but had you asked me those 4 weeks after we put Griffin down, I would have told you it was the end of the world. I almost gave up on horses, but luckily my coach and friends were there for me, and showed me it was okay to move on.

Let her know we are all thinking about her.

[Peggy]

It's bad enough when you're way on the other side of 15 and it's merely a rehab that seems to take forever. But, you show up at the barn and your name is down next to three extra horses and you don't want to leave any people or horses in the lurch. And then someone asks you to hold one while they re-wrap it and someone else needs a mane done. And, in my case, there was still my horse to hand-walk. So, you're pretty busy and a still a part of things, even without your own to ride.

My trainer even managed to set it up so there was a horse I took to some shows. All of which helps.