View Full Version : Frustrated and Wanting to Quit...Again.

Used To
May. 19, 2009, 01:22 PM

Nevermind kids.

May. 19, 2009, 01:25 PM

May. 19, 2009, 01:46 PM
I don't claim to be an easy person to work with- in fact, I am the quintessential amateur and not many of my trainers have worked with that successfully. I have riding skills to coach myself at shows, and have done so, but I also need a whole lot of positive cheerleading. Yelling at me tends to cause panic attacks and me throwing the reins/leadrope at someone and walking out. This is more of a "You don't want what I have to offer? Fine. You don't get it". Yes, I am an only child- and I do get help for this. Yes, its cost me jobs and relationships also, but I am working on this (still have the panic attacks, but better about seeing through things and getting over it). That said, it doesn't take much for me to feel like I'm some kind of horrible, terrible rider because someone criticizes me (Yes, I take every piece of criticism personally). That makes me not want to ride.

Come to Denver, we can have drinks and commiserate!!! I'm not an only child, but the panic attacks, the taking things personally, the wanting to quit... yep. Hi, can we be friends? :) I had a course on Sunday (a speed class) and I TOTALLY BOMBED it... looked like I was channeling Calvin Borel and I came out of the ring to "What the hell were you thinking" and it totally blew my day, even though my next course was beautiful.

Do not underestimate your ability to advocate for what you need. I tell everyone at the barn this: If you are unhappy with how your lesson ended, why didn't you speak up? If you are unhappy with the lease, speak up, and tell the owner that you need X,Y,Z and if that cannot happen, then you really enjoyed this, but maybe you both need something different. Who knows, she might be amenable to letting you go around in the hunters and be your HP self.
Quitting won't make the issue go away. especially if you just had a "break" to think things through. Ugh, sometimes I wish this sport were easier and not so damn hard, but if you can work through these issues, both with yourself and with the horse owner/trainer, we riders always come out ahead in life skills.
Good luck, I really hope you can work through this and stay riding!!! {{encouraging hugs}}

May. 19, 2009, 02:01 PM
It might help if you took the horse money and a temporary break to spend it on some counseling for your other issues. A problem with criticism that is causing you to lose jobs, relationships, and the simple enjoyment of horses is not the problem of the trainers/etc. you work with, it is YOUR problem. If you are currently getting help, you need to seek better help.

Sorry, but you sound like a nightmare as a student and leasee. It is not your horse. Don't know why you "don't believe in" things like front shoes only (WTF?) but, again, it is not your horse.

And I have to wonder at the self-destructive nature of this post. COTH BB is not the place to go if you can't take criticism and just want people to shower you with rainbows and ribbons.

Used To
May. 19, 2009, 02:07 PM
Sorry, but you sound like a nightmare as a student and leasee. It is not your horse.

COTH BB is not the place to go if you can't take criticism and just want people to shower you with rainbows and ribbons.

I am actually not a "nightmare" student- I am a HARD worker, and always have been. I know a number of people like myself who will work HARD to get a result but will crumble when criticized. You work these people with praise, not criticism. Most every trainer I have worked with has loved me- I will get on and ride anything and everything, all day long. Every horse I've "taken over" via lease has within 2 months had me showered with compliments on their weight, muscle tone, and coat condition, as well as their manners and training. I win my trainers plenty of ribbons for their banners. If I had the option of owning, I'd do it. For now, I lease. I prefer to be "left alone" to work with my trainer on things versus having some naggy mommy-owner talking to her horse while I'm riding it.

May. 19, 2009, 02:09 PM
Come on over to my barn, we'll do just fine together.

Perfect Pony
May. 19, 2009, 02:14 PM
Whoa, you sound like you have multiple personalities as your OP and last post contradict each other in so many ways it's SCARY.

I echo fordtraktor 100%. Reality simply needs to set in for you. Either buy a horse of your own and do it your way, or deal with the fact that it's not your horse or your say.

If you are so great and so many trainers and owners love you, why don't you have a stable full of top hunters handed to you to ride?

tidy rabbit
May. 19, 2009, 02:24 PM
OP you sound like the reason I live behind a locked gate with my horses and my arena all to myself.

The rest of the world should have your problems.

You sounds like a spoiled princess.

Lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously.

May. 19, 2009, 02:30 PM
Sounds to me like you want too much.

Complaining because the horse's owner is too hands on?

In any case, if you really can't stand the current situation, and nothing is working out, maybe you need to think about how much you like riding and horses. Do you like horses, or do you like riding? or competing? Because if you just like horses, it seems like a no brainer to me to take a step back and find a cheaper situation, where maybe you trail ride and poke around a bit, or lease a horse in a cheaper environment, while you save some money so that someday you can afford to do it just the way you want to and not have to deal with owners who (gasp!) are "too hands on."

Otherwise... agreed with fordtraktor.

tidy rabbit
May. 19, 2009, 02:32 PM
Oh shucks, the OP picked up all the marbles and went home and left us with the parting words of "Nevermind Kids". Whatever. Grow up and come back and play when you can actually listen to other people like the trainers you are paying and the owners of the horses you ride.

May. 19, 2009, 02:33 PM
I understand the frustration. I just recently removed myself from a situation that has absolutely destroyed my desire to ride. It really sucks. I'm hoping that taking a break and a big step back might bring my desire to ride back.

No advice, but a little commiseration. Not the same situation at all, but I understand wanting to call it quits.

Used To
May. 19, 2009, 02:33 PM
Oh shucks, the OP picked up all the marbles and went home.'

Ha, more like I just went back to posting under my real self.
Hey, my real self that you most of you seem to like ok even though I'm a whackjob asshat hunter princess. Right...:eek:

May. 19, 2009, 02:47 PM
bar.ka here

de.ar asshat hunter princess

may b u r good girl

may b u r venting just sound extra spoiled cry baby

may b we like the fa.ke u bet.er

may b u allow other peeple 2 much con.trol over ur happiness

May. 19, 2009, 02:49 PM

Ha, more like I just went back to posting under my real self.
Hey, my real self that you most of you seem to like ok even though I'm a whackjob asshat hunter princess. Right...:eek:

Has nothing to do with us liking you on a personal level. I like plenty of whackjob asshat hunter princesses -- if I didn't I wouldn't pursue this sport. It doesn't mean that I won't remind them of the realities of life if they ask, which you did.

May. 19, 2009, 03:01 PM
I don't know. I am not going to make any judgement on the OP at all HOWEVER I do feel that yelling and belittling adult clients is not good. I have a friend at my current barn who moved from a trainer who liked to insult and belittle her at the shows. Now I completely understand wanting to improve, learn and place well at nice shows but all of this is done BEFORE stepping foot on the show grounds. Once you are there you have to deal with the sun, the timing, the striding, the spectators... all the things that can turn a perfect round into a less than perfect round. Why do you then need to be called a stupid idiot when you know you took a winger, added in the line, missed the lead change, went off course. It sucks for the student, the one paying the bills, a heck of a lot more than for the trainer... Ok... Carry on....

May. 19, 2009, 03:08 PM
I have to say, I think you really need to have a semi-thick skin to be in this sport. Not that any clients deserve to be screamed at, but taking criticism (hopefully constructive) is part of being a rider. It's how you take that criticism and learn from it that earns you respect from your trainers and fellow riders.
Part of being a horseman is taking the bad with the good. How else can you be successful when it comes to riding, taking care of your horse and competing? To throw the reins away and storm off just because you're angry with someone is such poor sportsmanship, not to mention horsemanship. Attitudes like that simply do not belong in the horse world (even though they are unfortunately prevalent), and perhaps quitting is the best option for the OP. Spare everyone else the grief!

May. 19, 2009, 03:13 PM
Dear, you will have a rough time in life if you "take every piece of criticism personally." I think you need much better counseling and meds than you're getting. Please seek professional help so you can better enjoy your times at the barn and in life. You are worth it.