Freaky or Flattering?

[Iropeum]

Scenario:
I board at a small barn, only a few boarders, including myself. One woman that keeps her horse there constantly, hate to use the word "copies" (sounds so childish) but can't think of any other word to describe whats going on here. But she copies everything I do as far as feed choices, supplements, hay choices, fly masks, hay bags, brushes, fly spray, coat polish, you name it.

I mean literally, I purchase something, and BAM the next day or two, shes got it for her horse. I do not have conversations with this woman about what I am going to buy, etc. I have in the past, she came to me for some advice about her feed, and I am by no means an expert, I just know what works for my horses and I like to experiment a lot with different things. I never claimed I was the resident expert on this stuff.

Its getting annoying and the BO is getting annoyed because she has to keep changing feeds, adding supplements, etc. I do not feel its my fault. If I make one change to my horses diets, she also does it. I do not ask the BO to do the changes for me, since I can and usually feed supplements myself. But this person cannot, so she is having the BO do it.

I spied her looking thru, yes, actually digging thru my box looking at my different supplements when she thought I was out riding. :eek:

Its been going on for a while now, at first I just brushed it off, but its getting more extreme, I feel the BO is annoyed with me because I think she thinks I am suggesting all these changes, etc... which I am not. She just does it herself. She asks me now if she should "buy this for him" too if I bring in something new. I tell her I don't know:confused:

How would you handle something like this?

[Dazednconfused]

This definitely goes in the freaky column. Wish I had some advice to offer you but I have (thankfully!) never had this experience...

[Iropeum]

This definitely goes in the freaky column. Wish I had some advice to offer you but I have (thankfully!) never had this experience...

I thought about moving. But its extremely slim pickins around here for boarding barns and very small town, she'll find out where I am, and move too, I just know it. I mentioned one time I was looking for something closer to home and she said she would move with me. :no:

Yes, freaky now that I have typed it all out and read it. Funny part is, she'll complain about all the money she has spent on different things for the horse:lol::(

[rainechyldes]

Well, you also state, if you bring in something new, she asks if she should get it as well.
You say 'I don't know".. and then she goes and buys it.

sounds more like to me, she 's a horse owner who doesn't know much and is copying you out more so of a feeling you are more knowledgeable and competent, and you know all the right stuff to buy and feed.

Instead of saying I don't know" maybe try explaining why you bought whatever, and what it's used for, etc. And whether in fact her horse could benefit from it, or not and why.

I get a bit impatient at times too, but you know. one day way back, someone explained all this 'sorcery' to me, and I try to remember that, and it takes only a few minutes to pass it along to the next person wishing to learn.

I had a similar situation with a rider at a farm about 5 years ago. I was a bit wierded out, and after some tentative overtures, what developed was a long term friendship with a wonderful person, who simply wanted to learn the in and outs of endurance racing. She was a bit shy, and kind of stalked me, for a bit at the farm, (which yes was freaky)rather then coming out and saying, :hey I want to learn, will you teach me?"

Once I figured out what she was after, well the rest is history.

[Iropeum]

Well, you also state, if you bring in something new, she asks if she should get it as well.
You say 'I don't know".. and then she goes and buys it.

sounds more like to me, she 's a horse owner who doesn't know much and is copying you out more so of a feeling you are more knowledgeable and competent, and you know all the right stuff to buy and feed.

Instead of saying I don't know" maybe try explaining why you bought whatever, and what it's used for, etc. And whether in fact her horse could benefit from it, or not and why.

I get a bit impatient at times too, but you know. one day way back, someone explained all this 'sorcery' to me, and I try to remember that, and it takes only a few minutes to pass it along to the next person wishing to learn.

I had a similar situation with a rider at a farm about 5 years ago. I was a bit wierded out, and after some tentative overtures, what developed was a long term friendship with a wonderful person, who simply wanted to learn the in and outs of endurance racing. She was a bit shy, and kind of stalked me, for a bit at the farm, (which yes was freaky)rather then coming out and saying, :hey I want to learn, will you teach me?"

Once I figured out what she was after, well the rest is history.

I understand what you are saying and I agree. I learned from someone too. BUT, I do not want to be responsible if this or that doesn't work for her situation (totally different horses, breed, weight, disciplines, etc.) I have done loads of research on MY horses needs for their workload, weight, health, etc etc... I did explain that to her before, I even pointed her in the direction of where to find information for herself. She'd rather just take my word, I guess, which makes me nervous. I am not a person that can be rude to people, not my nature at all. BO is so extremely annoyed with all the buckets, containers, bins in the feedroom. I keep mine in my box, save for my hard feed, which I only have 3 bins for 4 horses. Shes got 3 also (exact same hard feed) for 1 horse.

[RedTahoe]

There are only two problems I see with this:

1. Her going through your stuff. I'd say get a locking box (I think they make the large plastic locking boxes).

2. Her using the same feed/supplements as you do for your horse. What works for your horse won't necessarily work for hers and may harm it if it's too rich a feed, etc. I really don't know how to address the second one unless you "happen" to come across her feeding one day, and say, "hey - that's the same feed I use. Why did you choose this one?" If she says, "Oh, I don't know, I just saw some others using it," you can say, "well I use it because this, that, and the other (tailored to your horse)." If she says, "well I got it because my horse was doing this, that, and the other" (without you saying anything), then maybe it's just coincidence.

[pines4equines]

I guess I would be flattered and would help her out. Tell her about COTH, open your trunk and show her some of the things you use and explain why. Walk her over to her horse, talk to her about her horse, ask her why she's changing feed, maybe there is something better for her particular horse than the feed you're feeding (as someone said, too rich, etc.)

Also, I would include the BO. Refer the person to the BO for any questions as well.

She maybe too shy to ask you questions or maybe too in awe?! We've all been there with someone we were in awe of. If you can remember that time, if that someone had or did turn around and talked to you, given you advice, well it's probably something you'd remember your entire life.

Have fun, she may turn into a great friend as a previous poster mentioned.

[JSwan]

Sounds odd but if she gets plastic surgery so she can look like you - then you'll know for sure. Freaky.

[ManyDogs]

Yah, like in the movie "Single White Female" :eek::D:D .

I'd say maybe flattering-except for the digging through your box of stuff. Then I'd be a little annoyed. However, guess I'd explain why I'm using everything and say I do a lot of research on X/Y/Z sites and tailor my choices to my individual horse(s).

[*JumpIt*]

Can you talk to the BO about it? At least then she would know it's not your fault.

Anyway to lock your box?

[jengersnap]

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, so you must have some lovely looking beasties and turn them out well.

That said, introduce your carbon copy boarder to the idea of a equine nutritionalist. You know, a professional who assesses an individual horse and makes recommendations for feed and suppliments based on visual inspection and educated experiance. Most feed stores or brands will have one that would love to get her on their formula feeds and needs ;) That should result in one last change, and perhaps she'll donate the duplicates of what you have that she no longer uses to you. Bonus!

My only question is if she's copying everything you do in terms of changing feeds and suppliments, and it's happening often enough to be annoying to the barn owner, why are you changing feeds and suppliments so often to begin with? :confused:

[twofatponies]

Is the BO ever around? Next time you're all in the feed room together, you could say Hey BO, Ms Freaky here was asking me about equine nutrition, and I thought you might have some suggestions as to how she should be feeding her horse? Or when you're in the aisle, say Hey BO, Ms Freaky was asking me about what saddle pad I use, and I thought you might have some suggestions about saddle pads that would be best for her horse."

I'd guess from your description she's shy or insecure and is trying to "fit in" by doing what everyone else is doing. Are there other boarders? Maybe introduce her to a friend or other boarder who has the same kind of horse/discipline she does.

[SMF11]

Much of this problem could be avoided with better communication. Speak directly to the BO -- don't guess if she's annoyed with you, clear the air. Let her know that you are not suggesting the supplements etc to your fellow boarder. Clear the air with the fellow boarder. You don't have to be rude, but you could speak to her about going through your things (offer to show her what you do, and why), and about how things that are best for your horses might not be best for hers.

[Petstorejunkie]

Explain to the BO what's going on and forget about it. Seriously it's not YOUR problem, and the BO should not complain to you about another boarder, that's so rude and unprofessional. The BO should use his/her head and if he/she has a problem with this boarders complexity of care, he/she should charge them extra. Again, not your problem.
As to her rooting thru your stuff, get a pad lock. When i boarded i didnt keep anything in the barn i'd cry over if it disappeared. and really, if she's just looking, who cares.

[KateKat]

ditto going to the BO and letting her know what you think is going on just to clear the air between the two of you.

As for your fellow boarder/stalker, it is a little weird and I know I would also be a bit put off, but I really think she is insecure about her choices and horse care and obviously thinks you are a great example to follow (which is not a bad thing!). Maybe approach her next time you are there together and say something like "hey, I saw that you were looking at my stuff and I was just wondering if you had any questions". If she's open and willing to learn, take the time to impart the knowledge! I know I always appreciate people who do that. However, if she turns you away...definitely time to start locking things up.

[Iropeum]

Thanks for all the great advice. I don't want to seem like I am not a person to help a fellow horsewoman out, cause I will pay it forward as much as possible. I have taken the time to explain to her WHY I do what I do for MY horses. I do not know anything about her horse, or the specific breed needs (percheron) I am a QH gal:winkgrin:

I have performance horses and they do look great and perform at the top of their game. She on the other hand, rides for pleasure and doesn't show him, hes just ridden a few times a week at most. So, yes I am concerned with him getting the exact same supplements as my guys. Her horse did get western the other day with her in the field, bucking and dancing sideways, and I am guessing that it was from a certain feed he's getting. I told her to take him off and he hasn't bucked since. Thats when I told her he doesn't NEED this.

The BO is really not educated on horse nutrition, she just feeds what shes told to by the boarders. I've tried to explain to her why and how, but she shrugs it off, no interest. Which is fine. She thinks anything over Hay and pasture is overkill. And it could very well be for non performing pasture pets.


I can and will start locking my box up, my stuff never dissapears around there, thankfully.

I did help this gal out with worming, as she wasn't doing it properly. I told her about horse.com and to go there, I printed out articles for her to read, she either doesn't read it or doesn't absorb it. She tells me, I will just ask you if I have a question. I do not want that responsibilty to be honest, her horse outweighs all 4 of mine put together! lol! She wants to "share" feed, as in split the cost, which I cannot do with her, since her horse eats three times as my guys and she finally figured out what I was trying to say to her. BO did step in that time and reminded her that she feeds her horse twice as much hay at night, so it wouldn't be fair to share bales with her.

As far as me switching feedstuff/supps so much, I really do not. I mess with the amounts if I feel one needs more or less. When you have 4 horses, all with different needs and levels of nutritional needs, things get changed up. I don't want to make it sound like I am switching up weekly. lol! This has been going on for well over a year. We already moved from one barn "together" I contemplated on going back to the original, just because its closer to my home, she made it clear she would "tag along" even though she was very unhappy there apparently. The latest thing is a "flysheet" she asks me almost daily if I have ordered one yet for my guys... I haven't for the record and probably won't mostly because if I ask BO to sheet my guys, she will have to do her horse too and that just might drive her over the edge! My BO is low maintenance....

I think she is a great gal and really nice person. However, my 4 year old daughter "noticed" her copycat ways:eek: and you know kids aren't afraid to call it out.... I overheard my daughter asking her "why do you always get what my mommy gets" lol! Oh I almost died in the tack room!! :lol:

Her answer..... "What? I don't!"

[Ghazzu]

This has been going on for well over a year. We already moved from one barn "together" I contemplated on going back to the original, just because its closer to my home, she made it clear she would "tag along" even though she was very unhappy there apparently.

That's where I'd say it crosses the line into freaky...

[gloriginger]

perhaps you could move back to the old farm, and talk to the BO there about there "not being anymore space" at the farm for her horse to move too. ;)

She sounds pretty annoying, perhaps co-dependent?

[ChocoMare]

Since she's got a Percheron, lovingly point her to http://www.percheronnetwork.com/chat/viewforum.php?f=9 She may be feeding him all wrong for a draftie simply because she see what you're doing.

[hollyhorse2000]

If the BO is not knowledgeable, then the gal is looking to the person who is and -- voila -- that's you. I'm sympathetic. I'd probably seek you out, too! Altho I wouldn't blindly follow what you do or go through your trunk. And I wouldn't suggest you move, either. Just try to be helpful and keep pushing her to be independent in her choices. Any other boarders there who you could "transition" her toward???

[BuddyRoo]

Maybe you could just pull the gal aside and say something like,

"Fellow boarder, I've noticed that a lot of times when I swap my horses to a new supp or feed you're doing the same. I'm totally willing to chat with you about why I'm doing what I'm doing...but I just wanted to make sure that you realize that every horse is an individual...and based on their specific needs, amount of work, etc what I may be doing for mine may or may not be the best for yours. Before you switch supps or feeds, it's good to do some research online thehorse.com has good health articles...check it out. And also talk to your vet. blah blah"

It sounds like she's not trying to be creepy...just trying to do the right thing only she hasn't the foggiest notion WHAT that is.

[Iropeum]

Since she's got a Percheron, lovingly point her to http://www.percheronnetwork.com/chat/viewforum.php?f=9 She may be feeding him all wrong for a draftie simply because she see what you're doing.

Thank you for this link. I am going to put a sticky on her tackbox with it:yes:

I do not know the first thing about drafts, other than they are BIG:lol:

[Iropeum]

If the BO is not knowledgeable, then the gal is looking to the person who is and -- voila -- that's you. I'm sympathetic. I'd probably seek you out, too! Altho I wouldn't blindly follow what you do or go through your trunk. And I wouldn't suggest you move, either. Just try to be helpful and keep pushing her to be independent in her choices. Any other boarders there who you could "transition" her toward???


I really don't want to move again, my horses are happy there and they do get cared for well. The only reason I would move is to have them closer to me, but I am probably staying put for now.

The other boarders there pretty much follow the BOs lead, as in, hay and grass and water.. lol! They are just pasture horses, a few retirees, a broodie and a filly. I'm it, I guess.

[Beasmom]

I don't see any need to move. It would indeed concern me if she's feeding her pleasure Percheron the same as your performance horses. She needs to learn about the dietary needs of drafts, and in particular the disorders that are common to drafts. (EPSM? Cushings?)

The sticky on her tackbox is a good start. Perhaps it will open up a dialogue between you two.

[Iropeum]

I don't see any need to move. It would indeed concern me if she's feeding her pleasure Percheron the same as your performance horses. She needs to learn about the dietary needs of drafts, and in particular the disorders that are common to drafts. (EPSM? Cushings?)

The sticky on her tackbox is a good start. Perhaps it will open up a dialogue between you two.

You are right. I know some drafts have special dietary needs and things you have watch out for, but I do not know details. For instance I just recently added some soaked beet pulp to one of my guys diet. She decided that would be a great idea for her guy as well. I am not sure if those drafts should have it or not. She asked me if I thought it would be good for him, I said I don't know, because I truly DON'T! I said you may need to look into it first, actually I said "if it were me, I would ask the vet first" She just started him on it, so I do not know if she asked or not. Hopefully she did.

[Beasmom]

There have been threads on drafts and their unique dietary needs. You might search them for information and advice you can pass on to this lady. Maybe that will get things going in the right direction.

I have a couple of students with drafts and crosses, but am sure no expert on the feeding of drafts!

[saultgirl]

I vote flattering rather than freaky. You must have fabulous looking horses and seem very knowledgeable to her.

We ALL know how hard it can be to choose which fly mask, which hoof polish, which supplements to buy -- we are all on here REGULARLY asking each other these things!

When I was a youngster starting out, I always chose the same types of everything that the older girls had -- if they were using it, it must be good, right?

It's not appropriate for her to be going through your stuff, of course, but it sounds to me like she was probably trying to check the label on something so she could be sure to ask for the right thing at the tack shop...

You might try to help build her confidence by asking her about something SHE chose for her horse that is different from you have. "Hey, you bought SuperSpray flyspray? I've been meaning to try that, how's it working for you?" or if she asks you about what fly sheet you are looking at, ask HER opinion "I'm looking at the blue one from smart pak or maybe the green one from dover. Which one do you think is nicer?".

[Beasmom]

Now that's a very nice approach!