Re-Rider and OTTB Help or stay out of it!

[Stepford Alter]

:eek:I need some advice, and figured COTH was the place to come to.

I'm at a new barn. Leasing a horse, all is swell, except for a slight or not so slight stepfordness about the barn, everything matchy matchy, horses, clothes saddlery...



Last week I meet a really lovely girl, about my age (20's) who is a re-rider.

We got to chatting whist tacking our horses up for a ride, talk about horses and what not. Basically she used to ride lots when kid / tweener age, but hasn't ridden for a few years, so basically a re -rider.



Her horse is an OTTB, left the track Jan - Feb this year. Seems to be quite quiet on the ground, but a bit spooky whilst being led. Stands dozing in the sun whist being groomed.

Turns out, the BO / BT recommended the horse to her, as being super quiet and a total beginers dream and yes, was quiet when she tried him, ( at the track!) but was very under weight. Surprise suprise, the horse is spooky and flighty now he has weight on, and she came off and hurt herself a few months ago, so now has no confidence in the saddle.

Re-Rider is not confident to ride up to the arena by self as he spooks / shys.

Offer to meet up the next day, to follow my horse up to the arena and around the paddock lanes at a walk to get his (and her) confidence up.
Basic stuff I used to do when I re-trained OTTBs for a summer project when I was a teen.

He has it over her and knows it. She is trying to pick his feet out. He is resting one foot, relaxed and cribbing on the wood. Non threatening. She takes the rested foot as him waiting to nail her with it.

I ask her if she wants a tip, and show her how to move him over with a hand on the ribs so he puts the weight down on the foot.

We mount up and as soon as she hits the saddle, she is loudly praising him for not shying and spooking. He appears to be calm and not spooking or shying. We ride around the lanes between the paddocks he is happy to follow my steady eddys lead. Suggest riding up and down to the arena until he is confident. She says no, he spooks there all the time.

So we ride around the laneways between the paddocks, He doesn't spook or shy, seems quite calm, chewing bit and is slow rather than rushing. One of the horses in turnout comes charging up, she panics a little, and says oh no!

I tell her to focus on getting the horse to "bend" around the corner of the laneway, as if it was the corner of the arena, she does, OTTB doesn't even blink.

She decides she is confident to lead him up and down on the ground to the arena, as he apparently spooks and shys whenever she rides him there. Apparently she rode up with a friend last time, and friends horse spooked, causing OTTB to loose it.

I give her a lead on my mare, and she leads him up and down twice he looks sideways at something, but keeps walking and doesn't spook.

She remounts, I suggest she rides up and down behind me.

She does, and he doesn't even blink. Lots of praise for her and the horse.

I was really pleased that she was able to get on and ride up and down by herself in the end.

He didn't spook or shy once, and I think it gave her a bit more confidence.

The OTTB is nice, good temp and will make a lovely horse for her, but she even admited that she wishes she had got something quieter, or more educated. I am quietly disturbed that the BO recommended an OTTB for her first horse, given her lack of confidence or experience bringing young horses on.

The BO/ BT does not seem to be providing any sort of assistance, another boarder, a friend of re-rider turned up, she apparently went to see the horse when re-rider tried it, and recommended the saddle and gear she would need, but it doesn't appear like the "friend" is helping her out much, or is interested in helping bring this OTTB on.

I told her and am more than happy to be lead horse, to give her and the horse confidence. Re rider is smiling and says OTTB was very well behaved and that she rode up and around where he spooked last time. This is met with "one eyebrow" from friend, and a "I told you he will be fine".


I got "The Vibe" from the friend. You know, the possesive, this is my friend i'll help her not you" unfriendly vibe... but I don't think this friend has any experience in bringing OTTB's on, rather has always had made horses.



COTH, should I stay out of it, as the last thing I want to do is create conflict between the other boarders, the BO or the BT, or to appear as Litle Miss Know it All when i've been there 5 mins, but at the same time, I have experience with OTTB's, and really want to help this girl, as she is super nice, and has been the most friendlyest person at the barn, and it's nice to have a non stepford rider to ride and chat with...


What shoukd I do?

[fourmares]

Help the poor girl and her horse... who cares if the other people at the barn get their panties in a wad. Obviously they aren't willing to help.

[amdfarm]

Help the poor girl and her horse... who cares if the other people at the barn get their panties in a wad. Obviously they aren't willing to help.

Ditto!

[equusus]

Ya, this isn't gradeschool. If you wanna help her out and she wants your help, you're both adults, do what you guys want.

[Saidapal]

Yup, I agree. I'd help her. She's appreciative and making progress. She's probably been waiting for her other friends to step up and they didn't. You also have the advantage of an steady eddy - and they are worth their weight in gold to helping a nervous nelly along.

Go for it.

[jengersnap]

Help them out. She sounds far safer with you to ride with then any other presented scenario. Some milage with a safe companion should do wonders for her confidence and her horse's retraining. Put the onus on the rider though. "Let me know if/when you would like to set up a time to ride together again", or "I'll be out on Tuesday afternoon around 4 if you would like to join me for a ride". That way she's making her choices and you're not so obviously steering. Good luck! She's lucky to have found you.

[lorilu]

I agree, but be careful. The "friend" may enjoy stirring the pot behind your back (I had one of those friends once). This barn may be ful of gossip girls who enjoy drama.
Be sure she has nothing in that pot to stir, and always be open and straightforward with the re rider. I'd even ask her if she thinks the friend would mind if I (you) helped her.... so the re rider knows about the vibes you got.

L

[suzyq]

Yes, she is probably thrilled that you are helping her. "I told you" and "I'll help" you aren't the same thing ;)

[cranky]

It sounds like a really great situation for both of you -- I'd say continue to help her out as long as she wants help. You'll probably end up with a nice barn friend out of it all. If her other friend is a true friend, she'll eventually come around. If not, oh well, it's her problem not yours.

[Mara]

Help them if the girl wants to keep taking you up on the offers! She's a big girl.
The only conflict I might see here is if the barn owner/trainer is one of those super-sensitive types who might think that your free help is depriving the trainer of the opportunity to make some money here. But it doesn't sound as if the trainer is the slightest bit interested.

BTW, your thread subtitle is a little misleading. You might want to change the exclamation point to a question mark. I thought you were warning people to stay out of the thread!

[Moocow]

It sounds like you're doing a great job of helping her and her OTTB and the other friend is not. Keep doing what you're doing (which is, after all, just being very helpful and nice) and let the re-rider get help from whomever she chooses, whether it be you or someone else. It's her decision and don't worry about what others may get mad about. IS there anything to even get mad about? Unless giving someone a hand is an evil thing to do, I don't think so...

[magnolia73]

LOL, it TOTALLY sounds like me. Oh, when I got my horse, I was such a nervous nellie. My friend stepped in and really helped me out. She made me follow her on trail rides, and even got on Niki and would ride her for me in the pastures and fields. Another friend helped in the same way- hacking her for me, hacking with me, getting on when I thought things would get dicey.

It sounds like her mind has gotten the best of her. Of course the horse is not "spookless". But sometimes you need it proven out that a spook is a spook and not going to escalate. Watching a non- scared friend have a success is so good.

I actually credit Suzanne and Eileen with making me keep Niki. Last year, I was pretty close to selling her. Now I am very comfortable with my horse and enjoying her, thanks to my friends. So, yes, please help her if she wants it.

[Ambrey]

You get by with a little help from your friends :) I ask for help from friends (and take it) all the time! And if I think help would be... helpful, I offer it. It's just good friendship, nothing more!

[RedTahoe]

She seemed very grateful for you to help her so I would continue helping her.

[HollysHobbies]

Perhaps she could consider free-leasing the horse to someone who has the confidence to bring the horse along...or even trading for something a bit more ammy-friendly...even if she gets an old geezer horse (love my geezers!!) (if the horse is talented enough?)--you could post and see!?

Or put it in training with someone you all trust for a month or two...someplace it could be marketed safely if it doesn't settle down?

Try cutting all grain and feed hay/low energy food?

You sound very patient--keep up the good work! That sounds like a tough situation!

[ReSomething]

OK, I'll start with yes, I would help her, BUT.

She may be a clingy, needy type, and that friend's eyebrow may be indicating that the friend is fed up with the vapors and fearfulness and the I-can't-doooooo-this.
So make sure as you help her out that you push her out of the nest and help her to be independent, within reason of course.
And have fun while you are doing it.

[Petstorejunkie]

You can help this gal and keep peace in the barn. I've never compromised what i know to be right in the horse world for the sake of some social gratitude, and amazingly enough i am pretty confident i have a microscopic list of enemies. You'll get snarks at first, and folks will talk behind your back about how you think you are such a 'big shot' but give it 6 months, they'll come secretly groveling up to you asking for you to help them with their horse.

[CatOnLap]

I think you are very kind and it sounds like you enjoyed helping. The others are just pebbles in the stream. Ignore them, step over them and do what you feel is right.

[TBPNW]

Slightly different take...help her, but maybe get to know her better first?? You just met her last week. You don't really know her reactions if things do go downhill..she's probably not quite a friend yet. And not personalizing this, but I just practiced my best 'be polite and smile' with an almost-perfect-stranger's unsolicited tips toward my husband at a show... The lady might not have had a clue we were just staying polite. (you don't sound like you are pushing yourself on her though)

[pines4equines]

I like jengersnap's response. Let her know when you'll be there and she can opt in for your help or opt out. You don't want to appear too pushy. But then again, you may make a great new friend and give her some confidence too. One day, in turn, she'll help someone else out!

Good luck!

[Extreme Chaos]

My opinion is to stay out of it.
I've been burned many times trying to "help someone out".
If something goes wrong, it's going to be your fault.
The re-rider has a trainer, let her deal with this. You don't want to step on any one's toes and end up in a bad situation.

[jazzrider]

I would say get to know her enough to know that she's someone you would enjoy helping out, and if she is, go for it. I so wish someone had helped me way back when I first riding again on my spooky OTTB. Friends just said you're fine, everything is fine, he's just a little spooky. I needed to be told to get with a good, knowledgable trainer and work on my confidence and communication. But everyone said I was fine, and I didn't know enough then to know we weren't. :no:

[AnotherRound]

Oh, do what you want. If it gets wierd, tell her you were glad you could help and you think she's doing great and if she wants any more help you'd be happy to help again. I don't see what the big deal is. Who cares what barn gossips think? Be yourself.

If a barn bunnie gives you trouble, listen and then say, you know, I saw how well you handle this or that. I just can't seem to get the hang of this. Can you help me out?

Make friends. If they don't wanna play, have fun by yourself. Meanwhile, pal around with whomever you please.

[Stepford Alter]

Thanks everyone. :yes:

We exchanged numbers after the ride last week. I think I might text her with "I'll be at the barn at xyz time, feel free to join me for another ride"

:D

I really want to help, I know exactly what it's like having a young horse whilst your friends gallop off into the sunset, or in the trailer to the shows whilst your left at home, working on getting a decent trot :lol:

The BO/ Trainer never seem to be around. The groom does all the work, and is normally the only one around. I am really concerned that she is going to end up never riding this horse if someone doesn't assist her.

I have seen the Trainer give her a lesson on lunging the horse, however she has told me that she is not confident lunging one way. So there was no follow up lesson. :no:

Your suggestions are great ones, I will put my feelers out, and see if she is interested, if she doesn't want to take it further, maybe it will push the friend to take more of an interest.

[sdlbredfan]

It may help to let her know that her own mental attitude is very important in keeping the horse calm. It is possible she does not understand how the brain of a prey species works, or underestimates how tuned into her the horse is. Remind her that if she can stay calm, and remember to exhale rather than hold her breath if the horse becomes tense, the horse will stay calmer.