PDA

View Full Version : ugh. another barn drama rant!



brightwhitestockings
May. 4, 2009, 03:18 PM
this is kind of funny- but still incredibly annoying & i am FURIOUS anyway.

So a relatively new girl in my barn (started taking lessons and is interested in one of our sale horses a month or two ago) never talks at all. So i've always tried to be friendly to her in case she's shy or whatever. So anyways, some of the other girls in my barn were at a local hunter show this saturday, including this girl. Apparently, she talks-

She said to them that I come back from trail rides smelling like weed and she thinks i look high all the time. WTH?!?!?!?!?!?! so incredible absolutely riddiculous its almost funny... almost. Also, i'm not going to give details (not COTH appropriate) but she said other things to these girls (younger than her) that I think are really innaproapriate and shouldn't be shared with anyone, let alone other girls in the barn she doesn't really know yet, and that are younger than her!!! this girl is a year younger than me btw. & the other girls in my barn she was talking to are at least a year younger than her. Apparrently she never talked before because she "thought we didn't like her." BS!!!!! We are always friendly and welcoming to new people.

This is stupid, but i'm really POd. When i hack my horse, its our time alone away from the barn and the ring and lessons and its just peaceful. I feel like thats really violated now. and NO, i absolutely do not smoke marijuanna. with my horse on trail rides. :lol: :mad:

ALSO-
one of the barn moms came by yesterday to drop something off and we had music on too loud. I was out in the ring lunging my horse. So mom comes in, comes out to the ring and yells at the girls watching me lunge my horse to turn the music down. And they were polite and apologetic and turned it down. So, 20 minutes later trainer calls ME, and asks kind of rudely, "who were you lunging" Uhh, my horse. "Oh." Apparently, there was a misunderstanding on who it was- trainers GP mare and my horse are both chestnuts w/ blazes and hind stockings. easily confused by an ignorant barn mom. So thats fine- but WHY would my trainer EVER think that I would do ANYTHING with ANY horse besides my own without her telling me to? (I am kind of a WS for her.) Not to mention her FRIGGING GRAND PRIX HORSE???????? I am SO annoyed. And i can't get over that the mom called our trainer to complain- if she had been coming to pick her kid up and the music had been on too loud you can bet she wouldn't have said anything because her daughter would have been guilty as well. :mad::mad::mad: ugh. I do really love my barn, i just hate sh!t like this.

BabyGreen
May. 4, 2009, 03:23 PM
So how old are you? So how hard is it NOT to begin every other sentence with "so"?

So my advice: so turn the music down, stay out of it and keep us out of it, too.

Giddy-up
May. 4, 2009, 03:30 PM
I guess it depends how you want to handle things.

You could ignore it all.

You could politely confront new girl--"so I heard thru the grapevine that you think I do drugs while trail riding--I really wish you wouldn't spread those rumors".

You could speak with your trainer about what new girl is supposedly saying to others about you. Perhaps some of the "gossip" is getting back to trainer & she's wondering how true it may actually be. Especially if she's getting complaint calls from parent's of her other clients.

theroanypony
May. 4, 2009, 03:40 PM
I think I'd have a talk with the new girl, or her mom depending on how young she is, and politely ask her to not spread lies about you. Also, I'd tell the trainer that there are rumors floating around and ask her if maybe she could give the new girl a little barn manners talk. I think ignoring the problem might make it a bigger one.

findeight
May. 4, 2009, 03:45 PM
Just talk to your own parents about it and, maybe, have a talk with the trainer.

Nothing worse then a barn full of young teens, a few meddling show moms and a trainer who does not keep a lid on things.

And, remember, gossip requires somebody to listen. Stop listening and just drop it.

myalter1
May. 4, 2009, 04:09 PM
as her if she has any weed. maybe she is accusing you, because she is really the offender!

Petstorejunkie
May. 4, 2009, 04:30 PM
Reason #9875198372105982170983270985172 I am glad I do not board anymore. Talk to your parents and the trainer in an adult professional manner about the new instigator, and then continue to do your own thing.
some people brew chaos, unfortunately they also tend to like horses :lol:

Parker_Rider
May. 4, 2009, 04:56 PM
I've been stewing over your situation for a little bit (I'm hoping it won't rain and will turn sunny again so I can ride outside... and I'm being lazy.. ;)). The confrontationalist in me thinks you should smack this girl down, but the rational, sane side of me thinks you should completely ignore the situation vis a vis where she is concerned. Continue to smile and be polite to her.

However, I think you should have a sit down, closed-door meeting with your trainer to tell her "Hey, there are some rumors going around about me, and I want you to know that they are absolutely false: I do not smoke weed, and I would never handle your GP horse or anyone else's horse without express permission. The other, R-rated accusations are not true either. I want you to know that I am still dedicated to my horses and the horses that you entrust me with. I don't know what caused the onslaught of these rumors but I assure you that I am being completely responsible around my horse and your barn." or something to that effect.

You don't want these miserable people to poison your relationship with your trainer, since it sounds like you two have a pretty good working relationship. But you also don't want to give these people control over your time at the barn. Being mean to them or cold will just give them more glee and more fodder for attempting to make your life hell. The longer you continue to stay polite, the less audience they'll have in the long run. At least, theoretically, that's how it should work. Either way, you'll come out on the high road of morality.

Good luck, spoil sports are no fun at all!

gg4918
May. 4, 2009, 05:08 PM
Confront her. The way to stop rumors is to nip them in the bud and go straight to the source.
Also speak to your trainer and voice your concerns.

Instant Karma
May. 4, 2009, 05:14 PM
Amen GG!

MLP
May. 4, 2009, 05:21 PM
this is kind of funny- but still incredibly annoying & i am FURIOUS anyway.

So a relatively new girl in my barn (started taking lessons and is interested in one of our sale horses a month or two ago) never talks at all. So i've always tried to be friendly to her in case she's shy or whatever. So anyways, some of the other girls in my barn were at a local hunter show this saturday, including this girl. Apparently, she talks-

She said to them that I come back from trail rides smelling like weed and she thinks i look high all the time. WTH?!?!?!?!?!?! so incredible absolutely riddiculous its almost funny... almost. Also, i'm not going to give details (not COTH appropriate) but she said other things to these girls (younger than her) that I think are really innaproapriate and shouldn't be shared with anyone, let alone other girls in the barn she doesn't really know yet, and that are younger than her!!! this girl is a year younger than me btw. & the other girls in my barn she was talking to are at least a year younger than her. Apparrently she never talked before because she "thought we didn't like her." BS!!!!! We are always friendly and welcoming to new people.

This is stupid, but i'm really POd. When i hack my horse, its our time alone away from the barn and the ring and lessons and its just peaceful. I feel like thats really violated now. and NO, i absolutely do not smoke marijuanna. with my horse on trail rides. :lol: :mad:

ALSO-
one of the barn moms came by yesterday to drop something off and we had music on too loud. I was out in the ring lunging my horse. So mom comes in, comes out to the ring and yells at the girls watching me lunge my horse to turn the music down. And they were polite and apologetic and turned it down. So, 20 minutes later trainer calls ME, and asks kind of rudely, "who were you lunging" Uhh, my horse. "Oh." Apparently, there was a misunderstanding on who it was- trainers GP mare and my horse are both chestnuts w/ blazes and hind stockings. easily confused by an ignorant barn mom. So thats fine- but WHY would my trainer EVER think that I would do ANYTHING with ANY horse besides my own without her telling me to? (I am kind of a WS for her.) Not to mention her FRIGGING GRAND PRIX HORSE???????? I am SO annoyed. And i can't get over that the mom called our trainer to complain- if she had been coming to pick her kid up and the music had been on too loud you can bet she wouldn't have said anything because her daughter would have been guilty as well. :mad::mad::mad: ugh. I do really love my barn, i just hate sh!t like this.

I think you need to smoke a joint to relax and peace out.... :lol::lol::lol:

huntergirl007
May. 4, 2009, 06:52 PM
Be the girl that YOU want to be, and others will see that. If you're not actually smoking on a trail ride, then you're not smoking on a trail ride. Noone can prove that you were. If you're not lunging your trainers horse, then you're not lunging your trainers horse. Noone can prove that you were. Talk to your trainer about this and move on.

Maybe the new girl wants attention? Don't give it to her.

cloudyandcallie
May. 4, 2009, 07:15 PM
as her if she has any weed. maybe she is accusing you, because she is really the offender!

Great idea! Then turn the little stinker in to the cops. Oh and mark your money so that when you tell the cops, they will find the marked bill on her.

Arcadien
May. 4, 2009, 08:01 PM
Take the high road.

Those who told you about "what this girl said" are out of line. They should know its not true if they are your friends, and if they are not, then why do they think they need to tell you this?

Answer: because they expect you to be upset and add to the drama they delight in.

Give them "no joy". Shrug, say "I hear a lot of gossip these days, I'm too focused on my work & goals to waste any time on it."

Continue to be cool & polite to new girl. Again, she was out of line (of course) talking about this, but think about why she did it? To achieve (you guessed it) drama. Give her no such thing. Act as if it never happened, stay cool & professional.

As far as trainer lunging thing, again, take the high road. I wouldn't confront trainer in any way unless SHE asks you directly about it. Then you tell her the truth, unemotional & factual.

The best people in your life will recognize your character by your ACTIONS, not by your words or words others say about you. Stay above the gossip, don't fuel any of the drama, and the drama queens will get bored with you and look elsewhere for their fun. Caveat, they may then attempt to include you in persecuting someone else - stay above it. Response: shrug "I hear a lot of gossip these days, but I'm too focused on my work and goals to waste any time on it." Yes I know I already said that. And yes, you may need to say it more than one to these gals before they get it, that you are NOT playing this game. (It's called the broken record technique, one of the best dealing with difficult people techniques out there, lol)

Cheers,
Arcadien (a pro on this stuff after dealing with not only barn drama, but corporate employee drama for oh, 20 years or so now, LOL)

Wizard of Oz's
May. 4, 2009, 09:35 PM
I have had the worst luck with barn drama. The way I handle it is too just ignore it if you haven't actually done anything wrong. The show moms (at my barn at least) have a lot of power in the barn, but if you show them that you're actually a good kid, and never give them anything to gossip about, then the gossipy show moms along with their gossipy kids will just look stupid.

Valentina_32926
May. 5, 2009, 09:30 AM
Follow Parker Rider's advice - nip the problem in the bud by speaking FIRST with the trainer.

Address all the rumors then tell her where they're coming from - but - STICK TO FACTS. Don't say "Y said" say "X told me that Y said"... that is a fact.

Lastly ask for her advice - should both of you handle the new girl situation? or does Trainer want to address it alone? else - how does Trainer want to handle the drama? If you've been with Trainer a while and not had drama like this before this girl showed up you should be fine.

Arcadien
May. 5, 2009, 10:04 AM
Follow Parker Rider's advice - nip the problem in the bud by speaking FIRST with the trainer.

Address all the rumors then tell her where they're coming from - but - STICK TO FACTS. Don't say "Y said" say "X told me that Y said"... that is a fact.

Lastly ask for her advice - should both of you handle the new girl situation? or does Trainer want to address it alone? else - how does Trainer want to handle the drama? If you've been with Trainer a while and not had drama like this before this girl showed up you should be fine.

Good advice, except as I read it, there are no facts to discuss. All rumors related from 3rd party. Only "fact" is that trainer called to ask her who she was lunging one day. We assumed it meant trainer was concerned it was a different horse, but it wasn't, and trainer was satisfied. Does issue really need to be dragged up again?

All I see there would be to "discuss" is that so and so told so and so I was doing drugs, and I'm not... also, in case you were wondering, I would never lunge your horse without permission. If I were this trainer, I would wish you had just let the stupid rumours roll off and went on with your good work to prove none of this true. Bringing this kind of cr*p up just makes trainer know you are in the gossip loop, and this is not a good thing, from any manager's perspective.

I repeat my first advice - stay above it, stay out of it, and it will go away, and you will come out of it looking professional and with trainer's increased trust (& gossipy fellow boarders grudging respect, lol)

YMMV
Arcadien

kellyb
May. 5, 2009, 10:11 AM
Confront her. The way to stop rumors is to nip them in the bud

Pun intended? :lol:

Sorry, couldn't resist. If someone said I looked high all the time I would take that as a compliment that I have a relaxed disposition. I would just ignore it, who knows if that girl really said that stuff or if the messenger is making it up or embellishing it.

Koniucha
May. 5, 2009, 10:14 AM
So how old are you? So how hard is it NOT to begin every other sentence with "so"?

So my advice: so turn the music down, stay out of it and keep us out of it, too.


Who cares how old she is? If you don't like the post, why read it and reply to it? I guess some people have to take any chance to say something rude.

Transplant
May. 5, 2009, 10:37 AM
It looks like you are being accused of irresponsibility and it may be in your best interest to discreetly check with your trainer and others whether in fact you do have that reputation in the barn. If others believe you're irresponsible, they're going to pick even minor things you do that for another person they would overlook and you will get blamed for things that are not your fault. I would hope that your trainer knows you better than to even think for one moment that you'd exercise her Grand Prix horse without consulting her.

I'm not a horse owner or boarder, just speaking from human experience. Sometimes its not enough to be responsible, its also important to manage other's perception of you so that you are known for being responsible.

But if its just one barn mom and one other rider and nobody believes their stories about you, then I would think that's an easier problem to solve. You just want to check out what the situation actually is.

fair judy
May. 5, 2009, 10:47 AM
I think you need to smoke a joint to relax and peace out.... :lol::lol::lol:


LOVE IT! just tell that chick that you encountered a skunk:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Coppers mom
May. 5, 2009, 02:11 PM
I would talk it over with your trainer. But, make it about the younger girls. You know you're not doing anything wrong, so going on about how you're not will just look fishy. It seems like you and your trainer have a good bit of trust built up, so I doubt she takes anything the new girl says seriously. However, the younger girls should not be hearing this type of stuff at the barn, and that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

Twiceshy
May. 5, 2009, 02:20 PM
Take the high road.

The best people in your life will recognize your character by your ACTIONS, not by your words or words others say about you. Stay above the gossip, don't fuel any of the drama, and the drama queens will get bored with you and look elsewhere for their fun. Caveat, they may then attempt to include you in persecuting someone else - stay above it. Response: shrug "I hear a lot of gossip these days, but I'm too focused on my work and goals to waste any time on it."


What an absolutely great piece of advice, one that can be applied to many situations in life. :yes:

Seven-up
May. 5, 2009, 03:16 PM
Take the high road.


HA!!!:lol::lol: That's what those trail rides are for! :winkgrin: (Jus' kiddin', OP. I read the part where you said you didn't smoke. On your trail rides.;):lol:)


If it were me, I'd tell the kid that I threw seeds out along my 2 mile ride so that she'd go out and start ripping up any plant that looks remotely like pot. That would get her out of your hair for several hours.



I've also been known to say things like this before as well: "How do you think I put up with you? You didn't really think you were that funny and pleasant to be around, did you?":lol:

DancingQueen
May. 6, 2009, 01:21 AM
I think that there's many ways to approach this problem. Naturally just taking the high road would be my first choice but knowing how these things can escalate I would recommend nipping it in the bud by talking to your trainer.

You seem to have a good relationship with your trainer. Ask to have a private conversation with him/her. Mention what you have heard said about you and tell your trainer that you are hurt but that you intend to take the high road and let things dissolve over time. Ask your trainer to please let you keep names to yourself if you don't want to reveal your sources or to respect your decision not to make a big stink about things even if you decide to share who said what with your trainer.

This will ensure your trainer that there's no truth to the gossip and at the same time you will hopefully evade a big bruhaha and conversation about something that is simply teenage drama.

Bringing what is happening to your trainers attention should give you an edge if things escalate beyond your control. You will already have gained the trust of an adult in going to talk to him/her. If the situation should turn "meangirls and burnbook" on you, you will definitively have a head start on solving the problems compared to if you decide to keep everything to yourself.

Outside of that, try killing them with kindness. It doesn't always work but it's the best advice I have to give not knowing all the background.

Good luck!

Renn/aissance
May. 6, 2009, 09:40 AM
I think Parker Rider's advice re. scheduling a private meeting with your trainer is spot-on, so long as you structure it such that you come off as asking for her advice. Say, for instance, "I know these rumors are floating around, and I want to assure you that they are not true. I am concerned, however, that some of them are inappropriate for younger students to hear and I don't want something so silly as a rumor to affect my work here. How would you prefer that I handle this?" You sound of an age that it would be reasonable to consult with your trainer about this, especially since you're a working student, and this is a good way to take the high road, since you're showing that you're not bothered by the rumors' effect on you, but on the barn as a whole and about your job.

You don't need to point fingers; if there's a new kid in the barn and the rumors are just now starting, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out who's the culprit. You have the right not to name names, and perhaps it would be better to say "I don't want to get anyone else in trouble and I'd prefer to see this die down on its own rather than take this back to middle school."