when did you know your horse wasn't the one?

[enjoytheride]

I know that all horses can jump and almost every horse should be able to do 2' 6" but did you ever have a horse that just couldn't/wouldn't do what you wanted? What made you realize this? What did you end up doing with the horse?

[Blugal]

1. Former dressage horse that we taught to jump. She'd do tempi changes in the field (jumping the grass fronds), freak out at sheep, stop at the same XC jumps she'd seen before (namely ditches and scary tables). Rode her Pre-Training for 2 years, and decided to move on. Just no fun taking her out of the ring. Sold her to a fabulous home who concentrated on dressage & SJ, all parties extremely happy.

2. Ignored my gut and bought a horse that met the "check list" anyway. Was good until she had spent a winter getting good food, then showed her true self. There was a screw loose in there somewhere. The road to her sale began when she started inconsistently freaking out about a certain corner of the ring - confirmed when she had a bucking fit for no reason at all there - ground manners went downhill - until I was the only one who could deal with her, and didn't enjoy it at all.

3. Nice mare that I was consistently having differences of opinion with. I asked a 12 y.o. student to ride her (good rider who had experience with part-arabs) and they got along like a house on fire. I was clearly the wrong rider for her. Sold her to another 12 year old girl.

The rest have worked out... I've ridden some great mares other than the ones above, but I am now a confirmed gelding person when I'm buying for myself!

[Lieselotte]

This thread seems to me a great spin-off from "My horse ROCKS" and what you are saying is worth discussing.
We all know that horses - just like people - have different talents and can do certain things very well, others not so much, and yet others not at all. I was a very fast sprinter in high school but sucked at more than 400m. I couldn't throw a ball to save my life but I was really good at shot put... You get the point...
Not every TB will race well, not every WB be good at dressage, and so on. You realized your horse could not handle XC so you retired it before getting either one of you hurt. This seems very sensible even though it must have been really disappointing (and possibly expensive after putting in training time and so on.) But why can't some people realize that certain things are not "in the cards" for them and their horse, be it that they are not a good match to begin with, or the human has bigger goals than their horse could ever handle. Why not be honest and realize this before anyone gets hurt? Why is it so hard to stop and start over with another horse, why keep going just because?

[Ajierene]

I helped with a horse once that was INSISTENT that you had NO reason to go over a jump if you could go around it! She was the hardest horse to even get over a crossrail. She eventually got her owner's number by doing a little rear/act up at the beginning of the ride, which resulted in getting put back. She was sold to a trail home.

A pony I once owned had a great personality, just no real talent for jumping or anything - somewhat conformationally challenged. She was sold to a teen who loved her for eight months, then sold to a trail home with two other horses from the barn.

If the horse does not like jumping that much - dressage or a trail home, or sometime western pleasure are options to look into.

A thoroughbred I rode in high school was like this. Her mama and dad were both racers - had the racer heart, but not the legs (why the breeding - no idea). Mama had multiple chips from being injected and raced and must have said something to her daughter. Daughter would run on the track at home, but REFUSED to break out of a trot when training at the track. Come home, had someone who shouldn't have get on to teach her how to jump. That did not last long. Toss a western saddle on her and this mare had the western jog down pat. If she even thought you were pointing her to a jump, first the tail swish, then the head toss, then the bucking started if the first two did not warn the rider properly. She ended up being a lesson horse for the western riders and some beginner english riders (the ones that were not jumping).

[joharavhf]

I had the "once in a lifetime" horse - my mom bought him as a weanling and I had him until he was 26. Truly a wonderful experience growing up with a horse, and I was devestated when he passed in June 2008.

So I did all sorts of stuff with this horse as a kid - but no eventing. When I went to college, Dancer was 16 or 17, and I decided I wanted to try eventing. So I started doing some local stuff, and there wasn't a darn event or combined test that he didn't have some kind of refusal or run out. It was very frustrating because he'd jump anything at home (or anything he'd done BEFORE) and we'd ALWAYS be top 6, if not 1st or 2nd after dressage. Stadium he went clean on, but cross country he always stopped somewhere.

I finally gave up after burning through 2 trainers and finally falling off ON MY HEAD at GMHA. I spent 2 years at BN with him. The summer that I quit we DID win Kingsbury Hill and we got 2nd at Pembury, but after those events it was ALLLLLLLL down hill from there. I fell off at TWO events after those, and I just decided that almost throwing up every time I headed out on BEGINNER NOVICE cross country just wasn't fun.

At that point selling him wasn't an option, and I didn't have the money to buy another horse. Nor did I care too. We spent the last few years of his "useful life" as an adult's horse dabbling in dressage. He was quite fancy, and I really got in to the classical dressage (LOVED Karl Mikolka and Karl loved him!).....and then, I got married, had a daughter, and he "packed" my daughter around leadline for a year an a half before he died.

For me, a horse is more like a lifetime partner. While I really enjoy eventing - when it's GOOD, I am not the kind of person who will sell the horse if s/he doesn't WANT to event or is too chicken. Thankfully I seem to have two really cool horses in the making right now that will likely be good lower level (BN/N) horses!

[Lisa Cook]

When did I know I had the wrong horse? When I dreaded going to the barn and started to view riding as a chore. When I'd rather pay someone to ride my horse than ride him myself.

He was like the Katy Perry song - Hot & Cold. When he was good, he was very good. But he could be very, very bad. He did NOT enjoy cross country and was much more comfortable in a ring than outside.

I donated him to a college riding program where he spends all of his time in the ring that he prefers so much, and I used the tax write off money to buy the fabulous Suzi Q, and then Linus. Best decision EVER.

[yellowbritches]

I have had a few "falling outs" with some horses. With Elf, when we both lacked so much confidence in each other, that neither one of us could canter down to a cross rail without a major meltdown (him stopping, and me breaking down in an anxiety attack). We were fine for a long time, but at some point, my bad habits and his bad reaction to me bad habits just got the better of us. We DID make up, however, and he took great care of me in the hunt field, just like he always did on xc (our issues for stadium big time and dressage only slightly less big time).

With Ralph, he just got too dangerous. I persevered with him for ages, riding out his nastiness and just trying to deal with it. But it just got to the point that I realized that sooner or later, someone was going to get hurt. FWIW, it was NEVER about jumping with him. He was a machine on xc but was just such a nappy bastard that once he was done, especially on the flat, it was OVER.

Jed had all the right ingredients but one...zero heart for xc, which was not how he was billed to me. I SHOULD HAVE listened to the boss very early on after the first xc school when he wanted nothing to do with banks, but I kept trying with little glimmers here and there. He was fun on the flat, and fun over show jumps, and, for awhile fun over most xc jumps. But pretty soon, he just would spit the bit even at easy, simple xc jumps. While I enjoyed most of my time with him, I really ended up with a wasted year. I now know that good youngsters are never THAT hard to get comfortable over xc stuff. The good ones take to it quickly, and even when they don't like or get something, will at least let you talk them into it. Oh well...you learn something from every horse, even when you don't like what you had to learn.

[Shrunk "N" Da Wash]

I had a QH who I was in love with and would jump around Novice great but I realized he wasn't the one when I wanted to got to Training and my coach said no he's turning himself inside out to get over novice:lol:. Plus his dressage was lousy which really made it easier to let go... So he was sold as a happy hack and just putters around now. Retired at the age of 5 hehehe.

[mkevent]

My original event horse ,my mare, was a packer at novice and training. While she could do prelim safely, she just didn't have the "fire in her belly" and I wasn't much help as a rider. I remember going to our last event being a bit worried about the course and my trainer said,"either you'll get around the course or you won't". Well, we didn't -she'd had enough of ditches and promptly told me so at the coffin complex! I knew she taught me all that she wanted and needed to. I also owe her being able to live out her days here at my farm-she took care of me and with each horse since then I realize the magnitude of her generosity!

[Hey Mickey]

Well I had a pony once (actually we still have him) that I didn't know he wasn't the one until I tried riding other horses/ponies.

Basically we had different views on how things should be done. And no matter how hard i worked we could never get passed it. In his defense he wasn't built to do what i wanted. He is very much the "old style" heavy built haflinger type, that is a CHUNK. (makes my hips sore to ride him now)
He is a driving horse. I wanted a jumping/eventing horse. It was all very discouraging. but i thought that was how all horses were. (that hard and disappointing) until I started taking lessons on other horses.

But my mom won't sell him (she loves his face... and she's all into dtiving, when she has time, or i have time to help her)
So he's out in the pasture being a wild pony with the other fat boys.

[ss3777]

Well, I guess I was asking for it when I brought home a giveaway that was great, just could not get on or off him. We got thru that little problem easily enough but he had this come a part button that got old pretty quickly. He would be great for months and then something would set him off (birds, a supplement bucket, other horses where they had not been before) and boy when he came a part it was hairy. I was super lucky that I was never seriously hurt. My trail mates could tell you some scary stories though. He was excellent in the ring and I did learn a lot about dressage with him. I hunted him for 5 years but finally decided that the great outdoors was not his calling and he went to a dressage home, best move I could have made.

[ddashaq]

Last summer I was at the horse park watching my BO at one of the events later in the summer. I walked around checking out the (tiny) BN course and the thought of doing it on Shaq made me want to puke with nerves. I realized then, that although I am going to do some starter with him this year, he is not going to make a real eventer. He can jump, I just doubt his ability to jump solid obstacles safely. I love him to bits, so he is not going anywhere. We can dabble in dressage, do some h/j, and I have been itching to try arabian sport horse under saddle with him.

[FlashGordon]

I had a mare that I got as a weanling. I thought she'd be my forever horse-- no reason as to why, I just wanted her to be! She was fancy and pretty and athletic and everything I had always hoped for.

But sometimes wanting something is not enough to make it actually happen. I struggled with her for 5 years before finally selling her. The woman who bought her 6 years ago still has her, and adores her.

Nothing wrong with the mare, or I, we just had conflicting personalities.

I learned a good lesson with her-- there is no point in hanging on to a horse that is not suitable for you, for whatever reason. Too many horses out there, too many people who may be a better match for the horse.

It is hard though, when you WANT the horse to be right, and it just is not. It can be tough to give up the dream... but it is wise for everyone involved to let it go, than to try and fit a square peg into a round hole.

[faluut42]

I had a TBx stallion that the owner wanted to do dressage and eventing with. He had an incredible walk, with a good trot and canter. I started free jumping him to introduce him to jumping. He would go over the fences and had lots of scope BUT had horrible technique. I would jump him under saddle and felt like i could have him jump a 3'6" fence from a poky trot but he hung his legs... I nvr jumped him higher than 2'6" under saddle until when i was free jumping him one day and he got a little deep to the fence and his knees were vertical to the ground. At that moment i thought in my head, "no way in H*LL would i ever set foot on a xc course with this horse." He was great in dressage but dangerous over fences. i had to send him back to his owner bc i couldnt afford him and my pony (the lease had just ended). Last i heard hes sitting in a pasture, which is sad since he was quite a nice mover.

[Bellfleur]

Had a stunning TB gelding given to me. Started him late (finally resolved lameness issues so he was 4 before anyone I ever sat on him) and he was difficult (I was told he should be made into dog food by my eventing trainer, The horse would lie down when he tried to work him, even on the flat - pretty funny actually)but worked through it and then tried to event him. He would not gallop cross country unless of course we stuck another horse out there with him and they were in front then he would really gallop but only until he made sure the horse with him was far enough behind. Then when you would go to jump him he would slow down and turn his head to look back at me and say "hey stupid there is a way around right there". To reinforce it he would get a little drift the direction of the way around. He would jump (never refusing or ducking out) but you could tell he thought it was the stupidest waste of energy. If there was no way around he would canter confidently and straight (no turning the head to look back at me) up to the fence and jump it. was a good and careful jumper just, I could always hear him saying "Oh you have just got to be kidding !!!"

We changed our riding over to just dressage and he was much happier to work hard for me.

[starkissed]

Thankfully I have never felt that with any of mine. But I have gotten that feeling on horses that aren't my own.
aside from untalented horses(they cant help it really) horses with bad attitudes for no reason really. And more to the point, horses who don't try.

[deltawave]

Bonnie's mom, whom I'd bought off the track as a 4yo, decided at the age of 13 that she no longer wanted to jump. At all. This was after years doing the M/S and AA jumpers, and a fairly successful career as a Novice eventer. She never was brave or bold XC and always had a stop in her, but I attributed that to her misfortune of having ME as her primary rider and trainer. :lol:

But (it's a long story) at some point she just decided that she WOULD NOT JUMP any more. Nothing physical that I could ever find, but it got to be horrible trying to ride her--one day she'd be fine, the next day . . . shut down. I retired her from jumping and gave her to a friend who wanted an easy lower-level dressage horse. She's going to be 21 this year (SO hard for me to fathom that the baby horse I bought is OLD now!) and is the queen of her small herd. She gave me years of good fun, lots of ribbons and Bonnie, and I'm grateful to her for all of it, AND for making me realize (with lots of difficulty) that I simply don't want to ride a horse, ever, who doesn't love their job.

No more fitting square pegs into round holes for me. The horse I got after her was Gwen, and a horse more suited for her job and her owner has never been born. :) I now know that horses like that are out there and can't imagine struggling forever with a horse that doesn't want to play the game ever again.

[kates93]

For me, it was when I found myself thinking, as I pulled out of the (expensive, top notch trainer/barn where my mare had been for months in a last ditch attempt to make her suitable for me): "I think I'd rather have a Mercedes."

I knew then I had a problem, because horses are my "why"--and cars are not.

The funniest thing, in retrospect, is that I always thought it was about training--with more training, it could work! Probably because the mare I had wasn't dangerous, she was just contrary (with me!!). She had a lot of qualities that should have made her great for me, but her greatest joy was pushing my buttons. It wasn't fun. So anyway, I thought if that could just be trained out of her (ha!!), it would work.

Long story short, I ended up with an unbroken 4 y/o (don't ask) and after 3 months at a trainer's getting started, I get SO much pleasure and enjoyment out of her, already--both under saddle and on the ground. The big difference is, she is a "pleaser" -- I call her the equine equivalent of my Doberman!

There is no amount of training that makes a bad personality match work.

[yellowbritches]

I now know that horses like that are out there and can't imagine struggling forever with a horse that doesn't want to play the game ever again.
Wish more people would realize this!

[LR1976]

When did I know I had the wrong horse? When I dreaded going to the barn and started to view riding as a chore. When I'd rather pay someone to ride my horse than ride him myself.



I agree completely. Been there done that. Couldn't bring myself to sell the horse so a gal that I ride with is leasing him for the summer and they seem to be getting along famously. It's a good deal for all involved.

[Bogie]

I bought an OTTB mare as a project horse. She was a lovely mover and beautifully put together. However, it turned out she had no talent at all over fences. She hung her knees. I knew it was bad when my trainer said oh so casually not to jump her when I was by myself. I suppose I could have tried to teach her better form but this was not a horse I would ever feel safe on XC.

I sold her to a woman who didn't want to jump. When I rode the horse for the woman's trainer she asked me about jumping and I told her that I thought the horse was unsuitable and unsafe o/f. I jumped her over a few 2' fences and the trainer said, well, I wasn't sure I believed you, but you're right!

My current OTTB has lovely form over fences. Right from the first time he jumped.

[bip]

I'm at that decision point now. I don't know what the tipping point will be.

Her dressage is really great, and her stadium is just fine. In clinics, her xcty is great. We have schooled a lot of the Novice at UNH, including the two steps up/down on their training level course. Banks, drops, ditches and water*, no problem. Hunter paces? Loves it, will jump anything even if the horses in our group go around or are behind us.

But xcty she is a pill. She does not want to be out there by herself. I sent her to a BNT for two weeks toward the end of last season, and I've made some changes in my riding that may help. The one thing I still need to do as I get ready for this season is take her on trails alone ... and the thought makes sick to my stomach. She was a trail horse before I had her and apparently went out by herself fine, but the one time I took her out 2 years ago, we had a scary accident that was 95% my fault. The BNT thinks that if I can get her out on the trails alone, she will likely get over not wanting to be on course alone. She is a bossy mare, but she is very into doing what she is supposed to. BNT thinks once she knows her job, and knows she's working for ME, we should be able to do BN and maybe N just fine. And just BN would be fine with me...

I love this horse and when I got her, I expected to have her for the rest of her life. I'm at the point where I'm deciding if I want to put the effort into trying for BN again, or if I just want to do dressage for a while, or if I need to find her another home and find an eventing partner. When I got her, I had envisioned doing a little bit of everything with her, and I also believed that pretty much any horse could get around at BN. I've since learned that maybe they "can", but if they don't want to be there, it is a lot of work and effort for what ends up being a big drag for everyone.

And I don't know about anyone else, but a lot of non-horse issues play into the decision too. I will probably be having kids soon, so I'm deciding if that sways me more toward focusing on dressage, or more toward getting a more steady eventing horse. My career is also important to me too, and I'm at kind of a critical phase - if I got a horse who was reliable at N, would I end up neglecting my career?

Maybe I'll start a thread next year to let the OP know how it turned out for me - I certainly have no advice now!


*She is fine with real water complexes, but she doesn't like small water that is muddy and easy to go around.

[Ponylady27]

I'm at that decision point now. I don't know what the tipping point will be.

Her dressage is really great, and her stadium is just fine. In clinics, her xcty is great. We have schooled a lot of the Novice at UNH, including the two steps up/down on their training level course. Banks, drops, ditches and water*, no problem. Hunter paces? Loves it, will jump anything even if the horses in our group go around or are behind us.

But xcty she is a pill.

I'm at the same point. Bought my guy as a weanling. Even as a foal he showed that he loved to jump and would jump out of anything we put him in. He's very very smart and full of personality. Fast forward 5 years. He's been in training with a great trainer for over a year. Super at Dressage - scores in the 20s. Great in stadium - cute jumper, usually clean does 3'6" effortlessly. But he just doesn't love XC the way an eventer should. He'll do it - but he'll make every effort to get out of it. When in clinics or schooling, he's pretty good and brave, but he has no forward button. He just sucks back, gets behind the leg and begins to prop in front of the fences. Somtimes he'll even do it out in the middle of nowhere between fences, too. Not just with me, but with my trainer as well.
We've investigated if he's got any pain or lameness, and he doesn't. His saddle fits just fine - and it's the same one we use in stadium. He just doesn't seem to like to gallop. We've even tried out on the track with other horses. He's just not that motivated.
It's gotten so that I've decided not to do any shows further than 100 mi away for fear I'll have wasted my entry fee & travel costs since he behaves this way on XC. There's not much as depressing as being in the top 5 after dressage/staduim and finishing in the bottom of the pack after XC. That's supposed to be the fun part.

Now I'm facing the decision of whether I try with him longer, or if I accept that he's not happy on XC and sell him on as a hunter or dressage horse.
Argh. I had such hopes for him. :(

[Bogie]

Have you tried foxhunting him?

I think it's an excellent way to get a horse galloping and jumping cross country, especially a horse that doesn't seem to like to gallop.

I'm at the same point. Bought my guy as a weanling. Even as a foal he showed that he loved to jump and would jump out of anything we put him in. He's very very smart and full of personality. Fast forward 5 years. He's been in training with a great trainer for over a year. Super at Dressage - scores in the 20s. Great in stadium - cute jumper, usually clean does 3'6" effortlessly. But he just doesn't love XC the way an eventer should. He'll do it - but he'll make every effort to get out of it. When in clinics or schooling, he's pretty good and brave, but he has no forward button. He just sucks back, gets behind the leg and begins to prop in front of the fences. Somtimes he'll even do it out in the middle of nowhere between fences, too. Not just with me, but with my trainer as well.
We've investigated if he's got any pain or lameness, and he doesn't. His saddle fits just fine - and it's the same one we use in stadium. He just doesn't seem to like to gallop. We've even tried out on the track with other horses. He's just not that motivated.
It's gotten so that I've decided not to do any shows further than 100 mi away for fear I'll have wasted my entry fee & travel costs since he behaves this way on XC. There's not much as depressing as being in the top 5 after dressage/staduim and finishing in the bottom of the pack after XC. That's supposed to be the fun part.

Now I'm facing the decision of whether I try with him longer, or if I accept that he's not happy on XC and sell him on as a hunter or dressage horse.
Argh. I had such hopes for him. :(

[Ponylady27]

Have you tried foxhunting him?

I think it's an excellent way to get a horse galloping and jumping cross country, especially a horse that doesn't seem to like to gallop.

Not yet, but we have been invited to go out with the hunt in March. I'm hoping that helps as well! I really like him in all other aspects...

[Catalina]

There's not much as depressing as being in the top 5 after dressage/staduim and finishing in the bottom of the pack after XC. That's supposed to be the fun part.

My previous horse was exactly like that. Great in dressage, clean in stadium and then, every time, there was one fence on XC where he would just decide not to jump. He wouldn't stop per say, he would just get so crooked that it was impossible to get him to move forward.

I knew I had to sell him after my trainer rode him in a few events and he pulled the same move with her. I was a really hard decision to make because he was such a lovely mover and had a knees to his eyeballs brilliant jump. But XC just wasn't fun. At all. It was a chore the entire time just to get him over the jumps.

It was a really hard decision to make and I agonized about it for a long time, mainly because he was just so talanted and I was the one who taught him to jump so there was a dumb ego/pride thing going on. I finally decided to sell him and he went to a foxhunting home where he is loving life. Throw in some hounds and buddies and he is great. I took the money I got from selling him and bought my current eventer, who chews up XC and spits it out for breakfast. What a difference it is when you know your horse loves what he is doing.

[west5]

For all of you who are riding horses that don't "love" xcountry.

I love riding xcountry and being outside with my horse. It is the reason I event.

I struggled for years and years with a horse who didn't like the out of doors. Had a lovely jump and beautiful conformation. Dressage judges used to drool as he trotted down the center line.

I tried everything, the trainers tried everything and he didn't like the anything about being outside unless he was hanging out in the pasture. Even hacking out with his best buddy (a fox hunter) leading the way, galloping was a struggle, as his forward button was just not "there" the way it should be. I didn't event him and eventually barely hacked him out except for log walks around the farm which were with in his comfort zone. I evented other peoples' horses here and there just to get my fix.

I now ride a horse that LOVES LOVES LOVES everything about xcountry and the out of doors. I hack out more than I show just because it is so much fun (and cheaper!). If there has been a storm and there are large fallen trees along the trails we just pop over them. His stadium is fine as the rails don't come down and he doesn't get stressed about the imperfect spot. Dressage is nice, he is older so he doesn't work as "through" as he did in his youth even though his impulsion is still good. He is not cuddly/nice on the ground at all but perfect under tack.

This is the important part:
I feel safe.
He makes me laugh.
I end most rides with a big fat sh$t eating grin on my face.

Don't feel badly about rehoming your current horse to a life that they will be happier leading. It will be a win win for both of you. As people have said before, all the training in the world can't fix a bad match.

[Mtn trails]

Yesterday. I finally faced the fact when my trainer who is pretty well known in the eventing world told me my TB wasn't doing it for me. I used to event when younger and thought I could take it up again now. So I have my TB who is half the time a basket case, and tried to make it work. I have had some bad falls and I am afraid of getting hurt again and this horse just isn't the one. Sometimes when she's good, she's great. Willing, obedient, trying, but if one thing changes, watch out. She's spooky, unpredictable, and very scary. Yesterday we rode outside and it was just terrible. My riding is suffering, I'm losing confidence in myself, and it just is not fun. This horse does well in a regimented lifestyle, where she lives and works at the same place and can be in a routine. Right now, I keep her at home and have to trailer out to ride so it's like starting at square 1 every time. Thanks Meika for telling me that I need to move on and get going with my mustang who is a joy. Fortunately, the TB has a home with a friend who is opening her own barn and needs school horses. With a regimented life and regular work, this horse should do well.

Yes, life is too short riding horses that just aren't the ones. I tried and tried and knew in my heart but needed someome to objectively tell me what I needed to hear.

[Mukluk]

I hope my horse likes xc! It seems like she would as she loves to run and seems to like jumping. She is just a baby and barely started jumping little fences at a trot. If eventing isn't her thing, I know she loves trail rides! But I am hoping that she will love eventing too!

[chukkerchild]

I'm at that point a little now, but for a different reason... I want to move up and its time for me to move up and challenge myself a little (I do h/j btw) and in order to do that I will need to sell my current horse who I've had for 7 years. I love him so much though, but I know he doesn't have the scope to do much higher... but maybe he could do 3'6.... and he's 14, so it's kind of my last chance... I have had offers on him and I know I should sell him, but I love him so much it chokes me up inside and I don't know what to do. :no:

[Bogie]

Not yet, but we have been invited to go out with the hunt in March. I'm hoping that helps as well! I really like him in all other aspects...

Hunting convinced my Trakehner that he had a fifth gear :lol:. He truly was a horse that didn't care about being left behind, but when I started to encourage him to keep up, he discovered that he could! It helped me, too. I was always someone who wanted more control. Hunting has helped me realize that it's the horse's job to gallop and my job to stay out of his way.

[E D]

I knew when I arranged for my daughter and her less than cooperative horse to take jumping lessons with a local pro. Before the lesson even began, the pro picked up a wing standard to adjust the course for the lesson and, even though she carried the standard away from him, the horse reacted by jumping four feet straight up in the air! We had given this horse every opportunity to develop some jumping skills; back to basics, clinics, and multiple trainers over a period of three years. I knew at that time it was never going to happen. His reaction was totally fear based and although she had overcome a great deal of his problems with teenaged affection, some old memory was constantly replaying in his head that would continue to interfere with acquiring any new skills. It was never any fun to ride him and was probably never very safe. We found a good home for him and were surprised at our lack of remorse as he got on the trailer to leave. Our only regret was that we were slow to understand him - determination got in the way.

[curlykarot]

When I realized I didn't even want to canter the horse anymore.

I got a big grey gelding for 'free' that seemed sweet, calm etc. When I got him he'd just been sitting around for awhile and not doing anything. the fitter he got (not going on trots or anything, just being ridden in the ring) the harder he got. It came to the point where I was getting run away with in the indoor and couldn't canter a 20m circle in the outdoor. After 3 months, I realized I wasn't having fun anymore.

So when I went looking for a new horse, I wanted these things:
To be able to relax when I rode
Have fun cantering
Be able to canter a jump

The morning I bought my current horse, I brought my trainer out to see him. I rode him in the outdoor, right next to the barn where they were putting a new sheet metal roof on (cherry pickers, power tools, yelling etc) all right next to the ring. My horse didn't blink, w/t/c and jumped. SOLD!

[easyklc]

I have a young mare that I absolutely adore in every way, except that at times I can "feel" her lack of interest doing something simple like flat work. It may be boredom, lack of a work ethic, etc. This is my first mare, and when her bitchy side kicks in I just cringe. Although it's not too often. My trainer has done wonders for us both and we have yet to compete together. This is the season that I'm hoping to get my final answer. She has been a horse that needs a slow, steady program (don't they all). All of the variables are there for her to be a good BN/N horse--eventually. She's quiet, hacks all over the damn place, canters the water complexes, pops over small xc obstacles, ditches. She's a BIG, wiggly thing who takes a lot to keep straight, so I am learning a ton on her and when I think about how far we've come since she was first started I am so proud. But it is hard for me to not have that spark with her like I did my last horse. Many of you know what I mean by this. It's just that thing you have when you and your horse just click and even the hard stuff is rewarding and fruitful. We have many rides where I am left scratching my head as to why I would ever want another, and rides where I feel so disconnected from her that I could just throw my arms up and giver her away to the first trail rider that came along. What is that???

It also doesn't help that I can be a big chicken sometimes jumping, and that is not a good vibe to send to to a young horse learning. Bless her heart for tolerating me grabbing mane as much as I do. :lol: I am now at the point where I am working on myself and my attitude, because if this horse can do what my trainer thinks she can then hells bells I need my head examined. So, I'm reading and practicing some Jane Savoie tactics to help my inner athlete. My lovely, very experienced trainer is also forthcoming and knows how I feel. She is guiding us well and offers me some great feedback when she can tell we aren't jiving well. Either way, it's going to be a soul searching, eye opening season this year.

[Janet]

First, there is a significant difference beween "horse isn't suited to the job at hand" and "need ot replace horse". It is perfectly possible to adjust OUR activities to fit the horse.

I bought Music (as a yearling) to be an eventer, and she was reasonably good through Novice, though XC was our weakest phase. But Training was a problem. I thought that was MY fault. Several things helped me realize she just wasn't going to be happy going cross country in competition.

She was much better in schooling situations than in competitions- she needed he extra time to "figure it out". And she loves trail riding. So "outside the ring" isn't the problem.

She was VERY forgiving of rider errors when jumping in the ring- once w were doing a grid, and completely screwed up the first jump. I ended up dropping the reins and hanging on to her neck, as she carfully did the rest of the exercise. But on cross country, she would take advantage of every weakness in your position or technique.

I had already decided that I was going to concentrate on combined tests with Music, when I bought Belle. I took them both to FPP to school, and that REALLY showed me the difference. Even though Belle was still green and "figuring it out", her attitude was consistently "OK, I can do that! Where is the NEXT one?"
But Music's attude was "how can I evade doing THIS one?" That is when I really realized that trying to make her good at cross country was banging my head agains the wall.

But once we stopped doing cross country, her dressage got a LOT better, and I have had a great time doing dressage, and some straight show jumping, with her.

[kt-rose]

First, there is a significant difference beween "horse isn't suited to the job at hand" and "need ot replace horse". It is perfectly possible to adjust OUR activities to fit the horse.

I feel the same way, Janet, but I think perhaps we are lucky in that we have more than one horse and space to keep them. I have a young horse I had my heart set on eventing, but he hates being out on xc alone. He's all about the jumps, a delight on the flat and to the show jumps but the wide open spaces by himself make him very unhappy. He hunts on the buckle and I hack him all over the country -- though without company he is obedient but not near as relaxed as when he has a buddy.

This year he will spend the spring with my trainer and go around a few BN courses. If the knowledge that comes with experience and the forward I hope he'll carry over from the hunting don't make a difference, I'll bag it and he will be strictly my hunt horse. And I will have to wait for one of the babies to get a bit older before eventing again. But if he was my only horse I'd have to face that he and I were on different pages and he'd be happier with someone else. It's tough as we tend to think we are the only ones who will love and care for our horses but I we are sometimes not the best owner for a given horse and someone else will give them a more suitable life.

OP, best of luck with a tough decision!!!!

[Janet]

I should clarify that I really did have only one horse, and no plans to get another one, when I decided not to event Music anymore, but just do dressage and jumping. And she had not evented in over 5 years when I got Belle. But several people (including my trainer) encouraged me "not to give up on her".

I didn't INTEND to buy another horse (Belle), it just kind of happened. Then when I took Belle cross country schooling, I took Music along as well.

That incident really confirmed that, no matter what my trainer or anyone else said, there was no point in trying to make her compete cross country. But that had already been the working assumption for 5 years. And I was quite happy "not eventing".

[Daatje]

I know that all horses can jump and almost every horse should be able to do 2' 6" but did you ever have a horse that just couldn't/wouldn't do what you wanted? What made you realize this? What did you end up doing with the horse?

I suppose this depends on my perspective, but I knew my horse wasn't "the one" for eventing three years ago, when she was 5. She can jump, 3'3" is no problem for her, *but* (the big "but" ;)) she doesn't have her heart in it. She doesn't love it enough to overcome her chicken hearted nature when out alone......which translates into balking in the start box.....which translates into her never making the cut as an event horse...even at the lowest of levels.

She's also an agoraphobic......and I'm pretty sure she's got ornithiphobia too. :lol:

I went through 2 years of struggling with what I should do with her. She's so awesome in so many ways I decided to keep her.

Turns out, she's phenominal in the foxhunting field (even with her phobias :)).

If she were any other horse (besides my little bottle raised orphan baby) I would have sold her on to a dressage home and started with another project. But not her. She's a keeper. She's "the one" for me. :)

[sch1star]

I think what gets in the way for many of us is that we're unable to recognize the difference between "it's not a good match" and "there's something wrong with me that I should fix."

"If I worked harder/trained more/etc I would be good enough for this horse."

I kept my unsuitable one for at least a couple extra years! He was my first horse as an adult (big emotional bad reason to keep horse #1), a gorgeous, athletic (#2) chestnut homebred TB and even though he was dirt cheap (#3) I bought him with a credit card because I could not live without a horse again for another microsecond (#4).

He reared. He reared when I tried him (I blamed it on my riding), he reared when I brought him home, he reared with good professionals on his back. He reared when happy, sad, or pissed.

Still I thought I just wasn't doing the right thing. And so if I got rid of the horse it would be like agreeing with myself that I sucked.

It finally came to an end when two things happened. They happened the same day. The pro I'd consigned the horse to called to say "I have kids at home, come get your horse, it's not worth it to me" and "when you get here I'll introduce you to your next horse." I did and she did!

It seems so obvious in retrospect. But I think if someone had pointed out to me earlier the yawning flaw in my thinking, I would have been less slow in coming around. In my own work now I try not to be afraid to say, "it's not you, it's him/the chemistry between you/whatever, and here's how you can be the best rider you can be/grow the most/get what you want."

Master of the Obvious :winkgrin:

[subk]

I knew a horse wasn't the one the day I realized that my anticipation of the problem was contributing to the problem.

I had a lovely TB I had bought off the track that was clever, talented and a very nice mover. He also had one of the most amazing "drop the shoulder and spins" I had ever ridden. He would be going along great then for no apparent reason toss one in. Not every ride or even every week, but often enough that I always kept the possibility in my mind. He only got me off once in what was a gentle tumble, but over time I started to get rattled. One day while riding I realized that my anticipation of the spin had become part of the problem as well as creating tension and issues in other areas. Driving home from the barn that afternoon I called a friend and arranged to put him in training board with her to sell and I never rode him again. When I was 18 or 20 I would have loved to have had this horse, but at middle age he just wasn't a fit. He was sold to a crackerjack young rider who was a wonderful match for him.

I think what gets in the way for many of us is that we're unable to recognize the difference between "it's not a good match" and "there's something wrong with me that I should fix."
Agree! For me that line was clearer because it became is a question of safety and/or fear. I have no problems recognizing I need to be a better rider to get a better performance! But life is too short to spend it fighting you're most basic survival instincts.

[Mrs. Cowboy]

I got a mare from a rescue that I was told had never been trained. She was a Papered TB, but used as a broodmare only.

I started from the beginning, and she learned to do everything I asked...except tie. She never was able to be tied. She'd rear up and throw herself on the ground if you even held the leadrope too tight. I worked around it for nearly four years, and was able to foxhunt her, trail ride and do some local shows. But after she got a minor injury, she was laid up in a stall for a few weeks and she started to HATE me. I had to Ace her to change her bandage (every other day!), and before long she was rearing in the stall when she'd see me, and she was worse with everyone else.

When my husband saw her go up and get her legs over her stall door with me standing next to her, he said she had to go. I contacted the rescue I got her from and they sent a hauler to get her. She's now just a pasture puff. If the rescue had been unwilling to take her back, I would have likely euthanized her. She was young (10) and healthy other than the minor wound, but I didn't feel like she was a good candidate for re-homing.

[Ponylady27]

It's tough as we tend to think we are the only ones who will love and care for our horses but I we are sometimes not the best owner for a given horse and someone else will give them a more suitable life.

You're so right. Oddly enough I have an update on my boy. On Sunday, after a disastrous XC school on Sat, my trainer and I decided we would put my boy on the market. On Monday, someone called to ask about him. On Tuesday, the trainer and her client came out, rode him, loved him and made me an offer. Today he was delivered to them. Zoom!

Am I upset, yeah, I raised him from a weanling and he's probably the nicest horse I've had. But, the life this gal will give him loping around the hunter ring jumping 2'6" will make him happier than my pushing him to event when he just wasn't into it. The lady is already in love with him, it's a fantastic barn and a great trainer, so I feel good about it. Even though I'll cry a little bit. :sadsmile: