Barn worker with a vendetta

[UpsetAlter]

Starting off with: Don't say "move barns." I would love to more than anything, but it's just not an option at this point in my life. It's in my long-term plans, but will probably be at least a year before it can happen.


There's a worker/rider/owner at my barn who has an enormous vendetta against me. She and I don't get along because of some, er, fundamental ideological differences (ie, she thinks beating horses for no reason is okay, and I don't). She also seems to be convinced that I do things to bother a friend of hers (which I don't). The problem is, she's taking it out on me and my horses.

She feeds breakfast 5 days a week, and intentionally gives my horse too much hay so he makes a mess of his stall. At the same time, she wants her horse to get less hay, and would doubtless be angry if anyone overfed her horse. I'm 95% certain she has not been feeding my SmartPaks (to a horse who has extreme need of supplements).

When I started providing my own grain, I had two grain dishes for him, labeled AM and PM. She decided it was stupid, stole one of the feed dishes, ripped the label off, and hid it (it was discovered weeks later). Ironically, she now has the same setup, and I have thus far resisted the temptation to do the exact same thing to her.

She complained to the BO about my friend temporarily (think 30 minutes) rearranging a couple horses in turnout. Of course, she thought I was the one to do it. The owner of the horses who were moved was completely unbothered by this, but evil worker turned it into a big deal (all the while talking about how she "loves to start trouble"--right in front of the BO).

Today, she switched one of my horse's stalls with another horse, and told people it was for the sole purpose of making me mad.

Not directly hurting my horse, but she walks into our (very small) indoor arena while I'm riding and starts longeing, even when I'm very clearly using the entire indoor. Doesn't ask permission or say "excuse me", she just starts longeing, leaving a 20 meter circle for me to ride on. Although I have had enough of that, and continue to ride on the rail--if her horse doesn't move, it's getting run over.


I plan to talk to the BO about this, but I think the BO is frightened of her (with good reason... she's been known to damage other people's tack, and the obvious problem of horse-beating). If nothing else, the BO is completely unwilling and/or unable to take a firm stand on much of anything, and just tells people what they want to hear. So I don't know how much good talking to the BO will do. The obvious thing would be to get rid of her, but the BO won't do it.

There probably isn't much that can be done (although a few of us were "jokingly" talking about how to, ah, put her out of commission). She won't admit to anything she does. I'm tempted to get a few boarders together and go to the BO and tell her we're leaving if she isn't stopped. I guess this is mostly a vent, but if anyone has any tips, they'd be welcome! Like, how to make it look like an accident.. In all seriousness, though, this situation has me enormously upset. I've felt physically sick for the last day and a half, and I'm constantly worried that something is going to happen... she's just not capable of leaving other people alone.


Again, moving barns is not an option. I'm tempted to at least start feeding my horses myself, but I'm not sure I can keep it up due to my schedule.

[twofatponies]

Get all those other boarders together and have a sit-down with the BO.

[`reppy]

First off, I'm sorry you in this position. It is a tough one.

I think if I was in your shoes I would get together some of the customers, like you said, from the barn and approach the BO with your concerns. Make sure you do it very politely but get the point across. If a large enough number of her PAYING customers complain, all at once, she will fire this women, if she's smart.

I would also make a list of all of the things, that you can prove, this women has done to you and ask everyone else who is going to talk to the BO to do the same. You could draft a formal written complaint against her to give to your BO when you meet with her. Remember, be very polite and professional but make sure your BO understands how upset you are. She is much more likely to listen to you if your calm and reasonable and if you present your case clearly. Like I said, if she's smart she wont risk losing a PAYING customer over this women.

Good luck and please keep us posted! Keeping my fingers crossed for you! :)

[Pony Person]

Edited because I agree with the other posters:rolleyes:

[5]

Set up video cameras and go to the police/or owner when you have it on tape.

[UpsetAlter]

The only problem with getting several people going to the BO is that she doesn't seem to value her loyal customers very much. It's more like, the longer you're there, the more she can ignore you. It's the new students/boarders that she bends over backwards for. So I'm not sure how well it would work. I'll talk to a couple people and see.


The person is 20. She doesn't do much to horses where I can see, because she knows that I feel she's abusive. But it's very common to see her seesaw HARD on her horse's mouth and whip it hard several times for no discernible reason. In one case, the horse was spooking in a corner of the ring.. she spent literally weeks whipping the poor horse when she spooked. An instructor told her to stop, because she was frightening a young lesson student, and she got rather angry. She's broken a crop and left welts on a horse a year or two ago, and seriously abuses training tools. The problem is, I don't think anything she does is enough for authorities to get involved. Any sensible horseperson would be disgusted, but most of the authorities wouldn't know. And just looking at the horses, they look fine. She doesn't leave marks and she does it when no one is there to see. I've considered trying to get it on tape, but I'm afraid to leave any sort of recording device in case she were to find and destroy it. If she saw me recording her, I would expect her to try to damage my equipment. If the authorities were notified, she would be pretty certain I had something to do with it, and would do something to hurt me.

[Simkie]

I'd say that you need to be there as much as possible. You need to grain your horse, you need to handle him and you need to manage his care. Yes, it sucks that you're (I assume) paying for full care board and you're getting nothing. It really sounds like you have reached the point where all trust in the barn worker had been lost and you're scared for your horse. I would also play *exactly* by the written rules of the barn. Don't give the barn worker ANY reason to talk shit about you (and I'd encourage your friend to do the same--are boarders really allowed to move horses in turnout?)

I was recently in a bad, bad boarding situation that I thought I couldn't change or leave. I felt very trapped. I was also afraid for my horse and not receiving the services I was paying for, and the barn owner was totally apathetic and absent from the situation. It finally reached critcal mass and I HAD to leave. And you know what? I could, even though I really thought I couldn't. I've been at a new place for ten days now. Not only am *I* SO much happier, but so is my horse. She was miserable at the old place, too. I hadn't even realized. There has got to be some way that you can get the hell out of there...

[BuddyRoo]

Person sounds like a bully. Someone who can't finesse a danged thing so just plows through, cheats, beats, and makes a ruckus.

If BO isn't going to "handle" the situation (and really? Why scared? Get police involved if that concerned!)....then I think I'd just stand up to her. Stop kow towing (or however you spell that) to her whims. Stand UP for yourself.

The two of you can use an arena. Tell her what you want.

She's not feeding your stuff? Make a point of it. Call her on the BS.

Bullies are bullies. Usually if someone has the balls to actually stand up to them (even better if you ALL would) they back down.

IF for example, when she moved your horse around today stating that it was just to make you mad, someone had had the BALLS to say, "Well that's stupid"....where would her payoff be?

Everyone need to man up here IMHO. She's trying to be cool and exert authority. She's 20. She's a KID. Man up!

[UpsetAlter]

Simkie, I do almost everything for my horse's care. The only thing I don't provide is hay, and the only thing I don't do is feed. Moving horses in turnout isn't expressly allowed or forbidden. If the owner was upset by it, then I could see it being a problem, but in this case, the owner didn't care (the owner and I get along quite well), so there was no reason for it to become a problem. The reason why I can't leave is pretty complicated, and I'd rather not go into it, because I think people might recognize my situation, and I made an alter for a reason. Trust me when I say it's just not possible right now.

BuddyRoo, I'm not entirely sure why the BO is scared. But most people don't want to cross this girl, because she's a total b*tch. As I said, she's damaged tack before. One younger girl at the barn is terrified that the nasty worker will physically harm the horses she rides (I don't think this person would go that far, but this kid is too scared to risk it). Part of the problem is there's no communication. If I were to call her on something, like moving horses, she'd just say "BO said I could", and there's nothing I can say or do without talking to the BO. I'm only in my early 20s, and I HATE confrontation. I'd rather have the BO take care of it. Also, this person has been at the barn for almost 10 years longer than me, so I think she tends to feel she can do whatever she wants because she's been there so long. And even if I confront her, what's going to happen? She's going to do crap with my horse's care and then lie about it.

Hopefully I can talk to the BO in the morning and get something settled... at least make her see that I am fearing for my horse's well-being because of this person's actions.

[silver2]

I, for one, hope you are both twelve years old because if not that is the most ridiculous compliant I have heard in a long time.

If you're an adult handle this situation like one. Hint: this involves talking to you arch-nemesis lady friend in a grown-up fashion and not listening to barn gossip.

[goeslikestink]

so go up to the person and ask her what her beef is with you
and make sure you do it in front of the barn owner

shes helper worker which means shes working of some of her rent if shes not being sensible raise those
infront of her in front of the barn owner

so there no back up for her-- bullies have to be dealt with so do it infornt of the barn owner in front
your apaying client that pays full board and lodgings for your horse
and you want that part to be heard and with that you expect people to adhere to the rules and regualtions of the barn
health and safty comes to mind for exsample if a fire and the dossycow is moving horses about
here and there in diffrent fields etc
she putting everyone at risk as people whould be confused as to where there horses were to get them out

come on matey shes 20 you can use your knoweldge to have her helper /worker part of her baord revoked asshe has no legal rights

in other words put her in her place with the barn owner and make her look stupid
the barn will take in that shes a hazzard is far more risky than she thinks the barn owner has to keep her horses and her clients as safe as she can at all times
this person stupidty can cuase an accident ie school and lunging for exsample

[RockinHorse]

If I were to call her on something, like moving horses, she'd just say "BO said I could", and there's nothing I can say or do without talking to the BO.


If she said she did something because the BO said she could, respond by saying "Gee that's odd, let's go ask her why she said that" and ask the BO in front of the barn worker.

I agree with other posters, if you refuse to move barns you need to step up to the plate and start calling her on her behavior (in front of the BO whenever possible).

[mkevent]

There are vindictive bullies out there and I had one (and her mother) as former boarders. My mistake was not kicking them out but instead waiting until they left-and they did whatever damage in their power they could to "get even". What they did was not enough to formally charge them (had I known, I would have a video of them the day they left so I had undisputable proof) but little things you find missing or damaged days or weeks later. I also hate confrontation and bullies feed on that fear. I tried to make it work and I did become afraid of them towards the end-I didn't think to get the police involved because it was subtle bullying and the police are too busy with other things-WRONG!!!
My advice is to talk to the BO and explain your fears-like other posters have said. If you can have the back up of other boarders, that would be ideal because it would bring more "strength in numbers" and for the BO to realize that she wouldn't be confronting this person alone if she is actually afraid. If possible, have a back up person to suggest to take over bullyboarders caretaking role so it's a smooth transition for BO. On the day bullyboarder is scheduled to leave, set a time and have all the support group you can (again, strength in numbers) AND the police there. I would think a subtle sneaky bully would be taken aback enough not to mess around with people with a large support group. Having the police alerted should also back her off in case there needs to be furthersteps taken down the line. Good luck

[867-5309]

I, for one, hope you are both twelve years old because if not that is the most ridiculous compliant I have heard in a long time.

If you're an adult handle this situation like one. Hint: this involves talking to you arch-nemesis lady friend in a grown-up fashion and not listening to barn gossip.

100% agree.

[goeslikestink]

remeber op-- little indians do the work big cheifs run the show
shes not a barn owner but a helper -- as IN s--t shoveller and nothing more
help means mucking out and doing the grotty jobs that barn owner dont want to do
like pooh picking mucking out etc
shes not the barn owner - so if she moving things or changing feeds then i would as a person paying for my horse to be fed am and pm then i expect that my horse is fed am and pm
and have his bowls hidden or not put in becuase the worker has something agaisnt me
all thats doing is taking it out on the horse
and the horse is an innocent party to that--

[Sansena]

I read the OP and thought... 'This person has never experienced real problems'.

"Too much" hay? Missing supplemets? Swapping stalls? Geez.. Call the cops... What could be worse?

How 'bout NO hay?
NO t/o?
Beating horses, especially others, to injury/ laceration, requiring vet care? But an occasional welt? Seriously?

If you want your horse to get supplements, get to the farm and give 'em yourself.
If the horse is 'getting too much hay' and wasting... tell the BO. Trust me in this economy, it'll stop... RIGHT NOW.

If the worker is that horrible, you need to get the complaints *in writing*, signed by the "harrassed" boarders, stating a request (do you want her fired? reprimanded? arrested for stealing/ defacing property?) and present it to the BO.

By the way, if this has been so very serious, and been going on for so very long, I see no reason why it's tolerated. OP says she can't move barns. Guess she needs to find a way to put up with the barn worker with a 'vendetta'.

Honestly it sounds like the OP has more of a problem then the 'problem' employee. You state problem employee would care if her horse were overfed hay, that she established an am/pm feed pan similar to yours, that she complained to BO about your *friend* moving in horses in t/o... Seriously? It sounds like the OP has the issue and is looking for an argument.

You threaten to 'run her horse over', "jokingly" put her out of commission, and how "to make it look like an accident"...

Seriously? Grow up!!

[fargonefarm]

First off, if you are in such a bad situation and are so unhappy and your horses care is in any way compromised then move. I really don't get what you have said about moving not being an option - you make it happen if your horses need it, end of story.

Secondly, either you or your BO need to grow a pair because the behavior you are describing is absolutely childish and the fact that it is allowed to go on says that your BO has some serious management issues. Additionally, participating in said behavior makes me question your maturity. Threatning to put her horse "out of commission" - even as a joke? I mean really. Are we still in grade school?

[Paragon]

I do think this is an issue. No, these aren't major problems, but per the OP, it's looking like a pattern of spite. Having someone like this overseeing your animal is a scary thing, and I wouldn't want to be in the OP's position.

You, with the other boarders, need to talk with the BO. You can assume all you want about how the BO won't take you seriously, or doesn't value your word, but YOU NEED TO DO IT. No two ways about it.

Get out there and get it done.

[deltawave]

The term "tempest in a teacup" comes to mind here, just on initial reading.

When you say "someone believes that beating their horse for no reason is OK" I think there's far more likely to be a SERIOUS misunderstanding going on between two people than that there's a real, live horsey Hannibal Lecter on the loose. :) People who beat horses for no reason are probably very rare.

Coloring the rest of the post is a lot of silly, trivial, adolescent things that seem, in the end, to be fairly petty and small.

Don't know what to tell you, except that the high road is usually the only way to go. Take a long, hard look at BOTH SIDES of the story, fix your half, and let the rest go. There are going to be some people in the big, wide world that you don't like, don't agree with, and don't want to be around. But that number doesn't have to be large. Accept the fact that nobody's perfect, not everyone will see things your way, and "everyone has holes in their socks". A priest told me that once and I've never forgotten it--he meant that even people who seem high and mighty and more powerful and more capable, etc. have very real flaws that they don't like others to know about. :)

I wouldn't do anything that draws you into the tit-for-tat. Not under any circumstances. Rise above. It takes two to have a pissing match. ;)

[bamboozled]

Whoo Hoo...this is deju vu.

The BO needs to address the situation, because there is probably more festering under the surface. But they probably won't.

You either a. move b. suck it up or, c. call her on it.

In a perverted kind of way, these type of people respect others that confront them, similar to getting in the face of an obnoxious small dog.

[UpsetAlter]

I realize this sound stupid and petty, and it probably is.. but it's also a problem. If just talking to the person would fix the problem, I would have tried that a long time ago. I've tried confronting her before--she lied to my face.

The biggest problem is her love of making things difficult. The BO doesn't really like the fact that I turn my horse out 6-8 hours a day. If this person is causing trouble for me, there's a very very real chance the BO will tell me I can only put my horse out for 1-2 hours.

I've talked to the BO about the hay, and nothing has been done. And why that's important--my horse gets less hay than normal because he doesn't eat it. So how much he gets is about the minimum an average horse needs. If she's giving him extra, I have no way of knowing how much he's eating, and no way of knowing how much forage he is or isn't getting. That's my bigger concern. But I know SHE is doing it to make my stall a mess. I just want to know how much my horse is eating.

I would not actually run her horse over (her horses are bigger than mine). But I'm also done giving in to letting her hog the entire ring without even asking if it's okay to longe. And yes, joking to put her out of commission is a JOKE. I absolutely would not harm her horses... they get enough from her.

Sansena, if you think a worker causing welts, however infrequently, isn't a big deal, please let me know where you are, so I never end up there. I don't talk to this person. I only see her briefly in the mornings. I don't do anything to her. She's the one inventing problems and talking about how she likes to cause trouble and make me mad.


Hopefully I'll see the BO today and can talk to her.

[webmistress32]

we had a barn manager with issues. she was executing sabatouge against my bff's stuff (tack, tack box, medications, foundered horse) on a regular basis.

it took over two years for the barn owner to be affected by this and to see it. so these things can go on for a long time.

oh yeah she was finally fired and sued and her husband, who was doing construction work at the barn was sued ... and it's all still ongoing three years later.

[deltawave]

I wouldn't board somewhere if my horses could only go out for 1-2 hours, period. If it came to that, I would have to say that ANY option is on the table.

Sometimes a sit-down with the three affected parties, face to face, really helps. I remember once when I was in the communal tack/feed room at a place where I boarded and there was a big new grain bin sitting right in the middle of the floor. Simply curious, I opened it up to look inside and see what it was. Well, you can guess what happened--the new boarder walked in at that moment. :lol: I said hello, she said hello, it wasn't a big deal, or so I thought. Next day, there were signs posted ALL OVER the barn about "boarders stealing grain" and "would everyone PLEASE stop using other peoples' grain" and all sorts of drama. I know it was because I'd been "caught stealing" her grain when nothing could be further from the truth--I was just being curious, or nosy if you like. :) What might have happened if that boarder had SAID SOMETHING to me, or if I had SAID SOMETHING to her? Probably everything would've been FINE. But that boarder thought I was a thief and a jerk from that day forward. :(

I have just remembered this now, and it's a shame that it happened. But it does point out how lack of simple communication can turn things very much upside-down. Ultimately (like within days) I went to the BO to present my side, AND to the offended boarder to apologize and explain. Things simmered down, but you can bet that poor new boarder felt like she'd come to a place where everyone was a thief, etc. Much ado over nothing. Communication is what solved it. :)

[Coreene]

Good gawd, stop whining and act like a grownup. And if it really is so awful, stop making excuses and move. It's not brain surgery.

[Ambrey]

I realize this sound stupid and petty, and it probably is.. but it's also a problem. If just talking to the person would fix the problem, I would have tried that a long time ago. I've tried confronting her before--she lied to my face.

The biggest problem is her love of making things difficult. The BO doesn't really like the fact that I turn my horse out 6-8 hours a day. If this person is causing trouble for me, there's a very very real chance the BO will tell me I can only put my horse out for 1-2 hours.


I think the issue here is that in your initial post you honestly sound as vindictive and likely to start problems as she does.

So I will say that my initial read is that this is purely an interpersonal problem. No horses are getting hurt. Why on earth would the BO have to intervene here? Because she's giving your horse too much hay and his stall is messy? Because she moved your horse and then made a snarky comment later?

If you really think she's hitting him, discuss that with the BO without bringing up the other things, because everything together sounds really petty and makes that one issue sound trumped up. Just say you found welts on your horse, and while you don't want to accuse anyone you would like to clarify that the staff isn't allowed to hit your horse, and that if the staff is having trouble handling him you'll be happy to take over the handling on a day-to-day basis.

But do not mention all the other garbage- nobody cares. You shouldn't even care.

[Vandy]

And this is why BOs/BMs should make sooo much more money than they do! I am going to go up to the barn right now and thank all of my boarders for being mature and respectful...including the teens and preteens. I had a problem boarder last year and I sent her down the road to become someone's else's problem. Best decision I ever made!

[stryder]

If you really think she's hitting him, discuss that with the BO without bringing up the other things, because everything together sounds really petty and makes that one issue sound trumped up. Just say you found welts on your horse,

Ambrey: OP is accusing other person of hitting her own horse, not the OP's horse.

[Sansena]

...<snip>..The biggest problem is her love of making things difficult. The BO doesn't really like the fact that I turn my horse out 6-8 hours a day. If this person is causing trouble for me, there's a very very real chance the BO will tell me I can only put my horse out for 1-2 hours....<snip>...

In other words, since OP has an antagonist at the barn, OP's horses get punished w/less t/o? Cut to ONE THIRD of their usual?? This makes ABSOLUTELY no sense, and I suspect, as usual, we're only being told half the story here.

[Simkie]

OP, you need to be the bigger person and stop letting this petty bullshit affect you.

You keep bringing up that she gives your horse too much hay and it makes his stall messy. Take a second and think about that. You're complaining that she FEEDS your horse? Seriously? Be glad that she's feeding him, period.

You're angry because she dared to longe a horse in the arena while you were riding? You're not the only boarder there. This is not your facility. She has EVERY right to be in that arena.

You think she's not giving your horse is supplements. Do you have any proof?

You're turning your horse out for hours longer than the BO would like. Why do you think that YOU don't have to follow the rules of the barn?

If you want to make sure your horse gets his supplements, then you need to give them to him, or ou need to set up his grain. If you want your horse to only get so much hay, ask if you can set out his meals.

But really? You need to start following the rules of the barn and you need to stop getting upset when your horse has too much hay :rolleyes:

[Ambrey]

Ambrey: OP is accusing other person of hitting her own horse, not the OP's horse.

Oh, whoops.

Then MYOB. Yes, some people hit their horses, get over it.

[Jealoushe]

I realize this sound stupid and petty, and it probably is.. but it's also a problem. If just talking to the person would fix the problem, I would have tried that a long time ago. I've tried confronting her before--she lied to my face.

The biggest problem is her love of making things difficult. The BO doesn't really like the fact that I turn my horse out 6-8 hours a day. If this person is causing trouble for me, there's a very very real chance the BO will tell me I can only put my horse out for 1-2 hours.

I've talked to the BO about the hay, and nothing has been done. And why that's important--my horse gets less hay than normal because he doesn't eat it. So how much he gets is about the minimum an average horse needs. If she's giving him extra, I have no way of knowing how much he's eating, and no way of knowing how much forage he is or isn't getting. That's my bigger concern. But I know SHE is doing it to make my stall a mess. I just want to know how much my horse is eating.

I would not actually run her horse over (her horses are bigger than mine). But I'm also done giving in to letting her hog the entire ring without even asking if it's okay to longe. And yes, joking to put her out of commission is a JOKE. I absolutely would not harm her horses... they get enough from her.

Sansena, if you think a worker causing welts, however infrequently, isn't a big deal, please let me know where you are, so I never end up there. I don't talk to this person. I only see her briefly in the mornings. I don't do anything to her. She's the one inventing problems and talking about how she likes to cause trouble and make me mad.


Hopefully I'll see the BO today and can talk to her.

I have the perfect hay solution for you - HAYNET!

When you are at the barn, make up 4 or 5 haynets with the proper amount of hay, tell the BO and staff that your horse now needs a haynet since he is wasting too much hay (or say the vet recommended it then they won't argue), you have already made them up - all they have to do is hang them at feeding time. Then you will know how much you horse is eating, and the worker won't be able to screw with your horse. You aren't creating conflict, and one problem is solved.

[eclipse]

I don't get it.........you say your horses stall is "messy from all the extra hay", but it's not YOU who has to clean the stall but I'm assuming it is this supposed barn worker! Sorry, but I find it hard to side with somebody whinning that their horse is being fed too much hay, or that they have to share an arena (goodness I do that on a regular occasion & nope the other person has not asked if it's ok to longe, we just each take 1/2), and while the barn I'm at does all day field turn out, the paddocks get a 1/2 day and if you don't like that go someplace else!!

It really doesn't sound like the barn worker is being a bad worker, but you my dear are being a little snot to her!

[BumbleBee]

100% agree.

Me too , my eyes nearly rolled out of my skull.

[Finzean]

OK so maybe you can't leave and find a "better" situation and I understand about some people just not getting along....on the other hand, I think it IS time you try to put this stuff into perspective and understand that this is just life... There are pot stirrers everywhere in the world but I'm not really sure if the person you're describing is one - maybe she is... or maybe she's just an immature 20 year old who will someday change given time and education. I once had a boarder who came with stellar recommendations from her several time Olympian trainer...she was a great rider but never turned up to do chores on her days, spent a lot of time smoking weed, and eventually left without notice taking a few choice items from me and trashing me to all who would listen. When she did a repeat at the next barn...well, let's just say what goes around, comes around. People usually get theirs...

That said, however, imagine what this situation sounds like from another perspective. Your horse is being fed, watered and turned out. So there's too much hay...yeah, it's messy & a PITA to pick out/muck - rake it into one corner. You aren't providing it - let the BO see the waste and deal with it (not your issue). Boo hoo on sharing the arena....at least you aren't sharing it with shakey tails, minis, vocal donkeys, or feet flinging pasos....are dogs laying around under the jumps, chewing up your stuff? Are the horses turned out in stable blankets on 80 degree days? Is one of the trainers dealing drugs out of their office at the barn? Have a string of ponies died under mysterious circumstances? Are horses' stalls chained and padlocked so people can't even get them out? These are serious problems that folks have had to deal with - problems that put horses and people in danger many times.

Your good money shouldn't buy poor care but the stuff you're complaining about (except her roughness & SmartPaks not being fed) really isn't that big a deal. Welcome to life. You need to maturely confront this issue in a respectful, fact based manner. Nobody says you guys have to be BFF, but you need to do this respectfully. Honey instead of vinegar to get what you want/need.

[Drummerboy]

She is 20 years old!!! Why is an adult letting a 20 year old call the shots and bully them? The barn owner is afraid of a 20 year old girl? Sorry, this makes no sense at all and if this is the case, then there are ALOT of manegerial issues going on.

[stryder]

She is 20 years old!!! Why is an adult letting a 20 year old call the shots and bully them? The barn owner is afraid of a 20 year old girl? Sorry, this makes no sense at all and if this is the case, then there are ALOT of manegerial issues going on.

Could be the BO has an entirely different perspective on this than we've been given, and refuses to get sucked into a drama between two people in their 20s.

[fordtraktor]

:lol::lol::lol:

I can just see the other half of this thread:

Barn Diva with a Vendetta

"How do I deal with Boarder Diva? She wants to hog the entire indoor arena when she comes to ride, and won't let me feed her horse enough hay because she "doesn't want its stall to be messy." Her feed bucket was somehow misplaced (one day it was just gone), and she accused me of stealing it! She also threatens to call the Humane Society when I reprimand my bucking/spooking/naughty horse, but I can't just let him get away with this behavior. I don't know what else to do. I am at my wit's end! I can't leave because I need this job!"

[Buglet]

How about hanging a haynet in your horse's stall to prevent him from wasting the hay. Fill it everytime you are there, that way the worker doesn't have a reason to be giving your horse extra hay period.
I too hate confrontation, but ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away. I would definately talk to the BO w/ some of the other boarders, that way the BO doesn't think it is just you picking on the girl and that other people are equally upset at the way this girl handles things.
If you are worried about your tack, can you just put a lock on your trunk or locker so she has no way of damaging your stuff?
Also, maybe put dates on your smartpaks. If today is 2/3/09 and the smartpak dated 2/2/09 is still in the bin, then you have proof that she didn't bother to feed it to him and then confront her about it.

[jeta]

Also, this person has been at the barn for almost 10 years longer than me, so I think she tends to feel she can do whatever she wants because she's been there so long.

Ok. Let's do the math here...Barn worker is 20? You don't mention how long you have been at this barn, but at the very least this girl has been there since she was 10, correct? I am quite certain she feels a certain power and entitlement to the barn and her method of doing things....The BO must be well aware of her general demeanor by now......And there may be some history / attachment to said girl that you are not aware of.....( IME there is usually one barn rat that is favored and given a degree of power from a young age by a well-meaning BO ).

Ummmm, think about this....This girl is not going anywhere.......Nothing is going to change with this girl other than the outside chance that time will mellow her a bit....Her social skills are passive-aggressive.....From your 1st post, although said in jest, as other posters have said, you come off a bit the same way....

Honestly, the things she is doing may not be your cup of tea, but there is a way around every item on your list of things she does or doesn't do for your horse.

Unless you have prepaid board for the next year and truly cannot afford to move for that reason, I don't buy the "I can't move" bit.....Sorry, but if BO decides it is you who they have had enough of, you will need to find another place sooner rather than later.....

Just food for thought.....

[Moesha]

There is only one solution for this problem.........GIRLFIGHT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBM7H-ggvY

[dutchmike]

Sometimes a good hard kick in the groin area does wonders;).

[Mendin Fences]

Sometimes a good hard kick in the groin area does wonders;).

Maybe she should "teach her horse a new trick" :lol:

[LD1129]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

There is only one solution for this problem.........GIRLFIGHT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBM7H-ggvY

[5]

Just what are you expecting from an online forum?
You won't take the advice given and you won't move.

[laskiblue]

Believe me, you can move barns easier than you think.

[UpsetAlter]

I can't move barns. If you want me to move, then I'll give you my PayPal address and you can send me money so I can afford it. I can only afford board because I work it off. And I just found out today that I no longer have a job, so moving is really REALLY not an option.

I hope you all are thankful that you've never run into a problem like this. And doubly glad that you've never witnessed someone so blatantly abusive to their horse that you can't understand what it's like.

Hay... again, my problem is NOT that he makes his stall messy. Sure, cleaning it is a little harder, but not the end of the world. My problem with it is that if I don't know how much he's getting fed, then I don't know how much he's eating. The haynet suggestion is a good one, I'll see if that's okay.. the BO tends to be weird about that sort of thing, but I'll ask her. Thanks, I hadn't thought of that.

Use of the indoor... It's a tiny indoor. If one person is longeing, the other person can ride on a circle. That's it. I honestly wouldn't care if she said "hey, do you mind if I longe?" But that's not the case. BO agrees that riding has priority over longeing, and longers have to ask riders for permission, but of course never enforces it.

Barn rules... there really aren't barn rules. I'm not breaking any, that's for sure. BO doesn't think lots of turnout is necessary, but extra turnout is not prohibited. But if she thinks it's a problem, she'll make a rule to stop it. And by the way, my horse has a well-established health problem that has been essentially cured by extra turnout.

And yes, there are a lot of managerial issues going on. Specifically, a BO who won't stand up to anyone, and has the most ass-backwards priorities you can imagine. She only takes a stand on stupid, ridiculous issues that really don't matter, but real problems are ignored. She tells everyone what they want to hear, and as a result no one knows what's going on.

Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, the smartest thing to do would be to leave. If anyone wants to give me the winning lotto numbers, then I'll be able to get out pretty quickly.

[Simkie]

I can't move barns. If you want me to move, then I'll give you my PayPal address and you can send me money so I can afford it. I can only afford board because I work it off. And I just found out today that I no longer have a job, so moving is really REALLY not an option.

Is this really the ONLY barn where you can work off your board? Probably not.

Seriously. LOOK around. You're unhappy about a whole hell of a lot of things that are not important to the barn owner. Things are not going to get better where you are.

[deltawave]

You lament there are no rules. You lament the rules. Sounds like a nightmare, honestly. Now that you're looking for a new job (my sympathies) maybe you can change your priorities about where you live, where you commute, and where you board? Could leasing the horse at a different barn for a while possibly work?

[Ambrey]

I hope you all are thankful that you've never run into a problem like this. And doubly glad that you've never witnessed someone so blatantly abusive to their horse that you can't understand what it's like.


Actually, you're completely missing the point. Most of us HAVE been through interpersonal conflicts before. Some of them a lot more severe than the one you've described. Most of us have had conflicts with people at work, friends, family members, etc. that make us think your conflict with this person is a) minor, and b) probably two-sided.

And most of us HAVE witnessed people doing things with horses that we wholeheartedly disapprove of. It does not make us miserable.

Haven't you ever heard that old parable? God grant me the strenth to change the things I can change, the patience to put up with the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference?

[fordtraktor]

UpsetAlter, if the horse wasn't making a mess of his hay you still wouldn't know how much he is eating. If you are not the one putting in the hay, you will not know how much he did or didn't eat by the amount that is left in the stall. A hay net would be a good idea if you need this information, but I would not use one because I think it is a safety hazard and that it is healthier for horses to eat off the ground. But my horses get free choice hay, and I don't care to measure their daily intake. If something is wrong, they will let me know through body language or at feeding time.

I am sure that this experience seems really awful to you, but keep in mind that what you are describing sounds like one of the annoyances of life, and is not a huge deal. If you don't want to ignore it, look for another barn that will let you work off your stall. There are always options.

[mp]

And why that's important--my horse gets less hay than normal because he doesn't eat it. So how much he gets is about the minimum an average horse needs. If she's giving him extra, I have no way of knowing how much he's eating, and no way of knowing how much forage he is or isn't getting.

If you know how much your horse eats, then you know how much he is or isn't! getting. Because he's eating the same amount, no matter how much Evil Barn Worker gives him.

I would not actually run her horse over (her horses are bigger than mine). But I'm also done giving in to letting her hog the entire ring without even asking if it's okay to longe.

I board at a barn where some folks don't really know how to share an arena. They don't ask if they can longe. They don't understand left to left and not passing a horse from behind on the outside without a heads up to the other rider. No vendetta, they're just ignorant. So what? I just ride my damned horse. I suggest you do the same.

Hopefully I'll see the BO today and can talk to her.

Possibly not if she sees you first. You sound like a giant pain in the ass.

[2DogsFarm]

Sorry OP, but I don;t see any serious "abuse" of your horse happening here.

Too much hay? Really? I'd much rather neaten up a messy stall than have my horses underfed forage.
So what he doesn't eat becomes bedding - that seems like a bigger problem for whoever is buying hay than for you or your horse.

Skipped supplements - like others here have said: feed them yourself.
Unless you're talking about a vet-prescribed medication that requires a daily dosage, no horse will suffer for having missed a dose of whatever.
I have run out of biotin and somehow my horses' feet haven't fallen off in the week it took me to replenish my supply.

This kind of Barn Politics Catfighting makes me glad I don't board anymore.

[UpsetAlter]

It's not the rules or lack of rules that bothers me... it's the lack of common sense or consideration. I don't bother or hurt her, I don't even talk to her. So why the need to be such a witch to me?

I don't know how much he eats. It varies. If he were to eat all of his reduced amount of hay, I would give him more. The problem is that we get hay delivered every two weeks or so, and there are usually different kinds of hay - some nice, soft, green hay, and some nasty yellow straw-like hay. He doesn't eat the gross hay. That's another good reason to get a haynet. I can make sure he only gets the good hay. As I said, he really gets the absolute minimum amount of hay I would want a horse of his size getting - but if he really is getting how much I want him to get, then he's absolutely not eating enough.

mp, how often have you been stuck riding on a 60 foot diameter circle for 40 minutes because some jerk thinks she can take up half of the ring? I go out of my way to NOT ride if she's using the indoor, as do several other people. How do I sound like a giant pain in the ass? I want my horse to receive the care I'm paying for, and for this person to LEAVE ME ALONE. That's it. Nothing more. I could deal with all of her other nonsense if she stopped doing this crap to bother me--she flat out said that she loves causing trouble, and that she does things for the sole purpose of bothering me. And when those things get in the way of my horse's well-being, yes, it does bother me!

[deltawave]

This barn sounds like a hell-hole if they really only turn horses out for 2 hours and feed random, bad batches of hay. The things you're upset about seem like small potatoes compared to those things.

I don't think I'd even want to own a horse if I had to keep it somewhere that sucked. :(

[Ambrey]

I share 9 arenas with 420 other boarders. During the day there are generally at least 4-5 people in the dressage arena. Today there was a h/j rider cantering madly around the arena for 20 minutes, spooking my horse every time she went by.

If you take away the animosity and belief that she's doing it just to get to you, it's just part of sharing a facility with others.

If you start to let it go, you might find the whole thing just evaporates.

[saje]

Unless your horse is super fat or founder-prone or heave-y or something, I can't imagine restricting his hay. What I'd do is let the other person feed him what she's going to feed him. When you look in his stall and see the stemmy stuff, toss him a flake of the good stuff and see what her does with it. If he's got leftover good hay in his stall, I'd figure that he'd eaten his fill and leave it be.

Actually, no, I take that back. Even then *I'd* rake up the dirtied stuff, and toss one more flake in there anyway, because I don't think you can overfeed hay to a normal healthy horse. (Providing they have plenty of water, of course!)

Really and truly you can deal with this. Have you asked her if she could make her lunge circle just a bit smaller so you can sneak by? Or if she could give you another 5 minutes and then you'll be done? Actually, if you time it right, you can follow the lungeing horse around the corner close enough to be out of the way as they continue on their circle, but far enough back not to be in the way. Is it optimum? No. But it can be done, and perhaps if you stuck to your guns and rode the way you want to she wouldn't have as much fun harassing you.

It seems you have 3 choices.

1) Do nothing and be miserable doing something that's supposed to be fun

2) Tackle her and the BO face to face, calmly, in a clear way, and see what happens (it might surprise you)

3) Do what you say you can't/won't do and move your horse, even if it's less convenient.

[jeta]

--she flat out said that she loves causing trouble, and that she does things for the sole purpose of bothering me.

Tip: If she knows she bothers you she wins her game.....It will take the fun out of messing with you if you don't let on that she bothers you....:winkgrin:

[UpsetAlter]

I know, deltawave. I do the best I can for him, and hopefully one of these days the best I can do will be a lot better. I would buy my own hay if I had someplace to put it.

Ambrey, I don't think she longes while I'm riding just to annoy me, she does it to everyone. That's more a general b*tchiness thing she does. She's the only person who's rude enough to do it, though. Everyone else asks first.

saje, I don't restrict his hay. He doesn't eat all of his hay, and the more he's given, the less he eats. If he gets less hay at a meal, he's more likely to eat it all. If he eats it all, I'll give him more. But when I'm not sure how much hay he is being given, I don't know how much he eats. My concern is that he is not eating enough forage, but I can't know how much he eats because I don't know how much this person is giving him.

Jeta, I try not to let my irritation show. Part of me wants to walk up to her with a great big smile and ask how she's doing, just to throw her off.

[5]

I can't move barns. If you want me to move, then I'll give you my PayPal address and you can send me money so I can afford it.

You just lost my sympathy. You whine about another person and now you are demanding that complete strangers pay for you to have a luxury item.

[bascher]

Jeta, I try not to let my irritation show. Part of me wants to walk up to her with a great big smile and ask how she's doing, just to throw her off.

Killing with kindness :D

[Ambrey]

Jeta, I try not to let my irritation show. Part of me wants to walk up to her with a great big smile and ask how she's doing, just to throw her off.

Actually, try a completely different tactic. Walk up to her with a great big smile and ask how she's doing because positivity is the best ammunition against negativity.

[amastrike]

You just lost my sympathy. You whine about another person and now you are demanding that complete strangers pay for you to have a luxury item.

Um, I don't think that was a serious request. I hope not, anyway.

[Sue from Auckland]

Jeta, I try not to let my irritation show. Part of me wants to walk up to her with a great big smile and ask how she's doing, just to throw her off. Maybe you try not to show your irritation - but maybe you don't succeed. Maybe you SHOULD walk up to her with a great big smile and maybe she'd smile right back at you. MAYBE she's thinking a whole lot of things about you similar to the things you are thinking about her. Time and time again, in so many situations like these, I find that one person's conjecture, speculation, supposition, hyperbole, presumption, assumption, perception, interpretation, opinion (or any combination or permutation of them) is delivered as fact - it isn't.

[Mendin Fences]

Or maybe you should go up to her and let her know how you really feel... tell her to go [insert choice word] herself and leave you alone. That will throw her a curve ball and break the cycle of passive-aggressive behavior.

Ambrey - 450 boarders?!?!? omg that sounds like it could be terrifying.

[pony4me]

I almost agree with those who suggest being nice, but only to a degree. Don't be overly nice. Just be nice enough. Say hello. Smile. Say one neutral to positive thing, and then leave. Example: "those gloves look nice and warm." If she enters the ring to lunge her horse while you are riding, say hello and call her by name. If you can find something she's done that you like, comment on it. If you are having a conversation, always let her have the last word, unless you are saying bye. My guess is that she's insecure, doesn't have many friends, and lacks basic social skills. Good luck.

[TheOrangeOne]

Here's what I would do:
Make up his hay net- "It's just easier on me, that way he has hay in front of him all the time, but I don't have to spend soooo long picking out the stall!" Just fill it up as much as it will go.
Make up his breakfasts in baggies, with supplements added. 3 days' worth at a time, that way you can keep track.

[tkhawk]

Sometimes when you grow out of situations, everything annoys you. When you reach a certain stage in life, you realize you can't change everything in life. You let go and things become much more smoother and easier.

Sounds like this barn is not going to change-the BO can run it anyway she wants it. As a boarder, you already seem to know that the BO only will tell you what you need to know and then things will be the same old same old.

So try talking to BO and if it doesn't work, try not to put so much energy on that person. You lost a job-so that is your priority now-unless someone else is supporting the horsey? So find a way to make it right -that girl is going to be there. if your long term plan is to get out-then the short term is how to make the current situation more comfortable/tolerable to you. Don't make it about her-make it about you-bring the focus back to you. What can you do to make it easier for yourself. What little things you allow to get under your skin.

It takes two to tango-try and remove yourself and she will pick on someonelse. She is 20-what do you expect?

[silver2]

The problem is that we get hay delivered every two weeks or so, and there are usually different kinds of hay - some nice, soft, green hay, and some nasty yellow straw-like hay.
It sounds like you get alfalfa and oat hay? The oat hay is mostly for fiber anyway so it won't kill him not to eat it.

[sketcher]

saje, I don't restrict his hay. He doesn't eat all of his hay, and the more he's given, the less he eats. If he gets less hay at a meal, he's more likely to eat it all. If he eats it all, I'll give him more. But when I'm not sure how much hay he is being given, I don't know how much he eats. My concern is that he is not eating enough forage, but I can't know how much he eats because I don't know how much this person is giving him.


Just so I understand, you feed your horse more hay and he eats less, you feed your horse less hay and he eats more? So by being overfed you are worried he is being underfed?

[mp]

As I said, he really gets the absolute minimum amount of hay I would want a horse of his size getting - but if he really is getting how much I want him to get, then he's absolutely not eating enough.

!

mp, how often have you been stuck riding on a 60 foot diameter circle for 40 minutes because some jerk thinks she can take up half of the ring? I go out of my way to NOT ride if she's using the indoor, as do several other people. How do I sound like a giant pain in the ass? I want my horse to receive the care I'm paying for, and for this person to LEAVE ME ALONE. That's it. Nothing more. I could deal with all of her other nonsense if she stopped doing this crap to bother me--she flat out said that she loves causing trouble, and that she does things for the sole purpose of bothering me. And when those things get in the way of my horse's well-being, yes, it does bother me!


I haven't been "stuck" doing anything because I choose not to be "stuck." The indoor ring is pretty small at my barn and it can get very crowded this time of year with people who don't know jack about ring etiquette. They cut me off and don't even know it. Just deal with it. No EMO no drama no nothin'. Just ride. Or not. It's my choice ... and yours, too.

I said you're a giant PITA because the things you're griping about make you sound like a fussy, micro-managing horse owner. A pain in the ass. I don't manage a barn, but if I did, I'd avoid you like the plague. Because IME, people like you always find something to be unhappy about.

PS -- The first step to this person LEAVING YOU ALONE is to stop letting her mess with your head. Again, your choice. You can be a victim. Or not.

[ExJumper]

Ambrey - 450 boarders?!?!? omg that sounds like it could be terrifying.


I'm guessing that's the LAEC (L.A. Equestrian center)? I look at their website ever once in a while and imagine what it would be like to board there... It looks like it would be kids of crazy!

[Simkie]

UpsetAlter, you have a choice.

You can choose to stop letting this person affect you. You can choose to smile and say hi and ask her how her day is going. You can wish her a good night and tell her that you'll see her tomorrow. You can choose to PICK YOUR BATTLES and stop worrying about the petty bullshit.

Or you can choose to continue to be bitter and angry and upset.

This is YOUR choice here. Right now, YOU are CHOOSING to be miserable. I realize that your complaints seem like big, huge, enormous problems to you right now. Have you noticed that nearly everyone here thinks the problems you're having are small potatoes? You need to listen to us and trust us.

This is what being a grown up is all about. There are going to be a lot of times in your life when you're going to have to work with people you don't necessarily like. People who push your buttons. People who piss you off. That's life. That's how it works. It's really best if you figure this out now, rather than later. You'll be pretty miserable if you continue to let others affect you like this.

[UpsetAlter]

I have no idea what kind of hay we get, just that some of it is good and some of it is not.

Sketcher, it sounds backwards, doesn't it? But if he only gets one flake of hay, he's pretty good about eating that whole flake. If he gets two flakes, he ends up pushing it all over his stall and pooping on it. It doesn't get eaten. He gets more at dinner, which is fine, because he has about 12 hours to eat it.

mp--is the hay problem that confusing? Okay, let me spell it all out. I want him to get one flake of hay in the morning. If I walk in the barn in the late morning, and he has about a flake of hay in his stall, then he either ate none of his hay, OR he got too much hay and ate some of it. If he's getting fed one flake of hay like I want and not eating it, then he's consuming 25% less forage than he is given. Do you see the problem now?

If being concerned about my horse's health and well-being makes me a fussy, micro-managing horse owner, then so be it! I can live riding on a little circle. I can live with my grain dish being stolen, because I can replace it. I absolutely cannot tolerate someone interfering with my life to the point that my horse's turnout (and health) is in danger. I won't tolerate my horse's diet being messed with, risking all sorts of health problems. The only issues that are deal breakers for me are the things that compromise my horse's well-being. The other things are extra straws on the camel's back, but not the main problem.

Simkie, I realize that, and I certainly don't want to be miserable and stressed. I've felt like crap for the last few days because of this. If I can talk to the BO and ensure that she won't listen to this person's meddling, I'll be able to deal with everything else. I can't even tell you how worried I am that this person is going to continue to cause trouble and that my horse's turnout is going to be restricted. He NEEDS to be out, even as little as 4 hours a day. I aim for 6-8+, but 4 would be an acceptable amount.

[Ambrey]

Simkie, I realize that, and I certainly don't want to be miserable and stressed. I've felt like crap for the last few days because of this. If I can talk to the BO and ensure that she won't listen to this person's meddling, I'll be able to deal with everything else. I can't even tell you how worried I am that this person is going to continue to cause trouble and that my horse's turnout is going to be restricted. He NEEDS to be out, even as little as 4 hours a day. I aim for 6-8+, but 4 would be an acceptable amount.

I suspect that if you launch a counter offensive, you will end up with more trouble than you started with- but you seem to have your mind made up.

[Simkie]

I suspect that if you launch a counter offensive, you will end up with more trouble than you started with- but you seem to have your mind made up.

I think you're right.

UA, right now you're the pain in the ass boarder that they can't make happy. Continuing to complain and voice your concerns is just going to cement that thought. What are you going to do if they say "You know, we just can't make you happy. You need to find a new place to keep your horse."?

[BumbleBee]

don't feed the self absorbed troll,

[EponaRoan]

There is only one solution for this problem.........GIRLFIGHT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBM7H-ggvY

What's with the plastic covered couch? :confused:

[LuvMyNSH]

I have no idea what kind of hay we get, just that some of it is good and some of it is not.


If being concerned about my horse's health and well-being makes me a fussy, micro-managing horse owner, then so be it!

You're so concerned about your horse's health that you don't even know what kind of hay he eats? :confused:

[mp]

don't feed the self absorbed troll,

Best advice so far. :yes:

[Jealoushe]

I'm going to say it again, HAYNETS!!

If the BO refuses, just say the vet is recommending it for whatever reason. They can't argue with that.

[UpsetAlter]

There's a lot more to the story than I want to discuss. It's much more complicated than it seems, and it sucks. It's not in my head, and it's not being self-absorbed, although it's probably easier to think that than to actually say anything helpful.

LuvMyNSH, if I had a place to store my own hay, I would supply my own. So I'm stuck with what the barn feeds. If at all possible, I try to make sure he gets the good hay.

Ambrey, I think you completely misunderstood me when I said I'm going to talk to the BO. I'm not going to say "waa waa waa, she's mean to me." I'm going to try to make sure she understands that I'm not trying to cause trouble, and there was a big misunderstanding about moving horses in turnout.

Jealoushe, I think if I mention the wasted hay, she'll be okay with a haynet. Money is her top priority.


I really appreciate the people who have given constructive suggestions, and thanks to the people who PMed me. I think I got the best advice of all from one of them. You know who you are ;) .

[gloryeyes]

1. Change the things you can - dating the SmartPaks, using haynets, et cetera.

2. Figure out how to live with what you can't control - I agree with the general statement on this thread that being annoyed by petty grievances is a choice.

3. Pull up the big girl pants, and say a great big cheery hello to being an adult! :D

[saje]

I still don't understand the hay thing, but whatever floats your boat.

- do all the feeding yourself, or use the haynets
- feed the supplements yourself
- learn to ignore unpleasant people
- find a way to move.

As my husband says "the choices are easy when there are no choices".

[UpsetAlter]

Idiot barn work upped the ante... wrote insults about my horse on the whiteboard, and wrote "Bitch" over a note I put up saying that I would be cleaning a horse's stall. I took pictures of it.

I talked to the BO briefly, expressing my concerns that this person has been harassing me - I think what she did today has just about turned it into harassment, even if it's not legally harassment - and that she may harm my horse and/or tack. BO agrees that she's being ridiculous and that I should not be living in fear that she's going to hurt my horse or possessions, and is going to talk to her tomorrow when she comes out. I mentioned my concern about turnout, and she assured me she does not have a problem with me leaving my horse out, but if he's being annoying, she'll tell people to bring him in, which is fine by me.

On the bright side, if she does damage my tack, the police will have a pretty clear trail to her.

[Just Wondering]

Idiot barn work upped the ante... wrote insults about my horse on the whiteboard, and wrote "Bitch" over a note I put up saying that I would be cleaning a horse's stall. I took pictures of it.


Seriously? She gave concrete proof?

I would ask to be present when the BO talks to her. Along with a disinterested party.

[mkevent]

FWIW I thought you were getting rather slammed on this thread but since I already posted, there wasn't much more advice for me to give. My ex boarders -from- hell did manage to steal a ton of stupid things-stall name plate holders, every double ended snap they could find, took the cribbing collar off one of my horses and buried it in the compost pile(where I found it a year later)and let the air out of my horse trailer tires-not enough to be visible, but enough that when I got to my instructors, both tires on the drivers side of the trailer were flat. The day they left, I was watching them from the house and they were spending an enormous amount of time on the drivers side of the trailer which,coincidentally, was hidden from my view. They also wrote very nasty things on my person training calendar which was also overtly discriminatory. People like this do exist and even people who knew me I don't think fully believed me-and again, nothing enough to press criminal charges but enough to drive you crazy. I still get upset thinking about it. I hope it goes well with the BO and the other boarders stand behind you and you can put an end to all of this. Just lock up anything of value and realize that some COTH members were trying to give you "tough love" and what they thought was best. It is really hard to assess a situation from reading about it. But there is good advice in there, too. I wish you best of luck-and a lot of people cannot get their heads around the subtle crazy people (possible sociopaths?)and what they are capable of doing if they've never dealt with someone like that before.

[saje]

This latest bit is over the top, and you're absolutely right to take it to the BO. Apart from the fact that you shouldn't have to deal with such childish crap, it reflects REALLY badly on the business. The BO better wise up and boot the chic or he/she's going to find it affecting her bottom line, eventually.

[UpsetAlter]

Just Wondering, yes, she did. She's really not very smart. She's working on her Bachelor's degree in Equine Science... online :lol: . Cracks me up inside when I overhear her talking about her "school". We'll see how far that degree gets you, honey. I'd rather not be present when the BO talks to her. I get very very easily upset and I don't want her to see me having a meltdown.

Thanks, mkevent. I've tried looking at this from a complete outsider's perspective, and I can see why people have said the things they did. Without knowing how crazy people can be, and not knowing the entire backstory here, it's hard to understand the situation.

I'm really debating taking most of my tack home, and only bringing what I absolutely need to the barn.. and keeping my saddles and bridles locked in my car. I'm borrowing a friend's tack trunk, does anyone know what kind of lock fits on a Burlingham Sports Pony Trunk (http://www.equestriancollections.com/itemmatrix.asp?groupcode=BH00006)? I could at least keep a few necessities locked in there if I could find a lock for it.

[jazzrider]

Just read through this whole thread, and need to take a moment to give thanks that my horses are at home and I don't have to deal with this sort of boarder pettiness ever again(Lord willing!). :yes:

UA -- Based on her recent actions I would start investigating whether you really can't find another boarding/working off board situation that will work for you. Ten bucks says the whimpy BO flakes out on doing anything significant to help the situation and Vendatta Girl gets worse. :no: %itches are %itches. No changing them.

[cloudyandcallie]

There's a lot more to the story than I want to discuss. It's much more complicated than it seems, and it sucks. It's not in my head, and it's not being self-absorbed, although it's probably easier to think that than to actually say anything helpful.

LuvMyNSH, if I had a place to store my own hay, I would supply my own. So I'm stuck with what the barn feeds. If at all possible, I try to make sure he gets the good hay.

Ambrey, I think you completely misunderstood me when I said I'm going to talk to the BO. I'm not going to say "waa waa waa, she's mean to me." I'm going to try to make sure she understands that I'm not trying to cause trouble, and there was a big misunderstanding about moving horses in turnout.

Jealoushe, I think if I mention the wasted hay, she'll be okay with a haynet. Money is her top priority.


I really appreciate the people who have given constructive suggestions, and thanks to the people who PMed me. I think I got the best advice of all from one of them. You know who you are ;) .
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Milocalwinnings]

OP, you need to be the bigger person and stop letting this petty bullshit affect you.

You keep bringing up that she gives your horse too much hay and it makes his stall messy. Take a second and think about that. You're complaining that she FEEDS your horse? Seriously? Be glad that she's feeding him, period.

You're angry because she dared to longe a horse in the arena while you were riding? You're not the only boarder there. This is not your facility. She has EVERY right to be in that arena.

You think she's not giving your horse is supplements. Do you have any proof?

You're turning your horse out for hours longer than the BO would like. Why do you think that YOU don't have to follow the rules of the barn?

If you want to make sure your horse gets his supplements, then you need to give them to him, or ou need to set up his grain. If you want your horse to only get so much hay, ask if you can set out his meals.

But really? You need to start following the rules of the barn and you need to stop getting upset when your horse has too much hay :rolleyes:



I totally agree!:yes:


ETA-
While I agree to the above quote, I just read the latest update and agree that she is going over the top. I wouldn't say the things originally mentioned count as harassment, but writing insulting things def. made me believe that the things originally mentioned may be with bad intent.

Also, if you are concerned about not knowing how much hay he is eating, why not ask how many flakes are being given? If they say 2-3, then you know that he's cleaning up 1-2 flakes of hay and leaving the rest... it would at least give you a close estimate of how much he is getting. But, IMO, he'll eat if he's hungry and will leave what he doesn't want. It doesn't sound like you are cleaning his stall- so if the BO is worried about the wasted hay, she'll deal with it.

[Eachside]

if she does damage my tack, the police will have a pretty clear trail to her.

Uh... Princess
The reason you don't take your tack home or lock it up is...?
The reason you don't put your horse in a cheaper pasture board situation is...?
The reason you are crying here to strangers rather than authorities is...?
The reason you bought a horse with no financial safety net is...?

Sell the horse. End of problem. You need the money and even before you got fired you didn't have enough of a buffer to care for the horse if he had an emergency vet call anyway (Colic, torn ligament, stress fracture, generic accident, etc.)

You can't have everything Princess.
Take lessons until you can buy your own stable.


You sound like a spoiled little Diva who all her life has dictated to everyone and thinks that when you enter the ring people should clear the ring for your exclusive use.

I'd rather have the other person as a working border. From what you are posting the only horse she is harming is her own. She will learn that when she tries to trade up.

So go slink back home and cry on your parents shoulders.

Tell you what. post the name of the person and the name of the barn (If they even exist-which I doubt) and I will bet someone on this board knows the real story.

I think this trolling post should have been locked down three pages ago.

[YankeeLawyer]

I have not read all the replies but the BO might like a reality check that she has liability exposure in the event one of her boarders or their horses is injured or otherwise damaged due to this problem boarder's conduct -- of which the BO was aware, but chooses to ignore. For whatever reason, for example, BO has delegated the task of feeding to this boarder, and despite the fact that boarder has intentionally fed the wrong amounts to particular boarder's horses in an attempt to harm the horse and/or owner, the BO chooses to disregard that? What if the horse colics, founders, or otherwise becomes ill due to that boarder's conduct?

Ditto re the longing while others are riding (which, btw, whether done to be nasty or not, is simply not good practice and should not be permitted at a boarding facility). Ditto re the unauthorized handling of other people's horses.

Of course I would recommend getting out of that barn; I really cannot imagine any reason why you have to stay there, but failing that, would at a minimum go to the BO with other boarders and explain the situation more firmly. I am not pro-litigation but seriously, I think some business owners deserve to get sued. I cannot imagine running a barn in which one boarder is permitted to terrorize the other boarders and their horses.

[Brookes]

Wow Eachside, pretty rough and I think extremely rude. If you don't like what she has to say, then just move on. No reason to be so totally snotty, is there???? What have you gained???? Do you feel better now???? Rather be a "princess/diva" than a total beyotch!!

[Simkie]

Uh... Princess



Annnnd, ladies and gentlemen, we have the barn worker!

:rolleyes:

[Ambrey]

Now it gets interesting ;)

OP, your snarky comment about the BW's school was so uncalled for- just let it go! I'm glad the BO is going to help you work it out, but it's never going to get better if you don't stop instigating it.

[BuddyRoo]

no joke. goodness. who peed in your cornflakes?

[Jealoushe]

Annnnd, ladies and gentlemen, we have the barn worker!

:rolleyes:

Precisely!!!

Or another worker, who is very close to the description of the one from this discussion. Either way...I'm putting the popcorn on.:cool:

[soccermom711]

Uh... Princess
The reason you don't take your tack home or lock it up is...?
The reason you don't put your horse in a cheaper pasture board situation is...?
The reason you are crying here to strangers rather than authorities is...?
The reason you bought a horse with no financial safety net is...?

Sell the horse. End of problem. You need the money and even before you got fired you didn't have enough of a buffer to care for the horse if he had an emergency vet call anyway (Colic, torn ligament, stress fracture, generic accident, etc.)

You can't have everything Princess.
Take lessons until you can buy your own stable.


You sound like a spoiled little Diva who all her life has dictated to everyone and thinks that when you enter the ring people should clear the ring for your exclusive use.

I'd rather have the other person as a working border. From what you are posting the only horse she is harming is her own. She will learn that when she tries to trade up.

So go slink back home and cry on your parents shoulders.

Tell you what. post the name of the person and the name of the barn (If they even exist-which I doubt) and I will bet someone on this board knows the real story.

I think this trolling post should have been locked down three pages ago.


D*mn. You need a timeout until you can learn how to play nicely with others.

But, there's a lesson here. Unpleasant, miserable for no reason, difficult people are everywhere and as an adult, we are forced to deal with them every day.

My advice: be patient, be diligent and be smarter than her. Do not let her scare you off -- just try very hard to take the high road and show some class. It's easier to stoop to her level, and sometimes more satisfying at the moment, but you'll almost always regret it.

Good luck!!

[Moderator 2]

OK, no popcorn for this slugfest ;)

Sounds like the OP has made some decisions, so, case closed.

Thanks.

Mod 2