View Full Version : Non horsey husbands and small farms

Jan. 8, 2009, 10:50 AM
I think I need a check here. My husband and I bought our farm close to a year ago. He helps out a lot, but complains about it just as much. He helps with feeding on weekends, blankets, dumping wheelbarrow, all farm chores too.

If the horses are mine, should I just do it all myself? We moved out here b/c it is my dream. He really likes it here too, but it is my thing. He has a two hour commute everyday and right now I'm working from home. We both cook dinner every night. He feeds the dogs in the AM and I feed in the PM. I do a lot of the house cleaning during the week.

How do you divide the chores fairly both inside and out? Does your non horsey husband help? And does he help in "silence"?::lol:

Jan. 8, 2009, 10:55 AM
Not married...but have had a farm (leased) and a non horsey BF on more than one occasion and also have friends in a similar situation to yours.

IMHO, the farm work should be handled by you unless he volunteers to assist.

Keeping up the rest of the property though? Like mowing the "yard" or plowing the driveway? He can help with that.

Big projects? Like putting up hay or major repairs? I'd sooner hire some kids to help or hire it done altogether than have an SO kvetching or resenting the horses.

ETA: It's not his hobby. That's why I'm saying this. If his hobby were race cars and he needed to rebuild engines every weekend, would you kind of resent it if he expected you to help?

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:00 AM
I do it myself if at all possible (and most of it is.) I never want him to resent one of the four leggers, and he doesn't. He has slowly become more involved (a little when I had chronic injuries) and knows how much I truly appreciate it if he does dump grain bags, or the wheelbarrow, or occasionally feeds. I think he's cleaned stalls maybe twice ever. He likes the perk of having a tractor :yes: and right now we are building our own run in sheds (saving us at least 3k/per. Of course one if for the tractor, so that makes it even better for him!
I know some women who really 'involve' their guys a lot, and the guys I know don't like it. So as long as I'm physically able, it's 'my' deal. We have six horses, so it's a lot of work, but I don't mind.

ETA he does all the laundry. :)

Raleigh's Mom
Jan. 8, 2009, 11:03 AM
My husband does a lot as far as building fences, buildings, clearing land, etc. But I do all the the day-to-day horse (and dog) chores, including picking up hay and unloading (I only get about 20 bales at a time). If I am out of town, he will take care of the horses and dogs. If I ask, he will run by the feed store for me. Occasionally, I can convince him to go on a trail with me. :)

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:11 AM
Fastest way to have the SO really resent the horses is to make him to horsework. Especially after moving him a 2 hour commute from work.
Around here I'm home all day, hubby works 35-40 minutes away. I do everything including repairs. Only things he helps with are things I need lifted that are too heavy for me alone or that I can't use the tractor to lift. He helps with hay pick ups every 3 weeks, but that's because he likes to, makes him feel like a farmer. I do yardwork, snow removal on weekdays (if it snows on weekends he removes it) leaf removal in fall, fence/barn repairs, all horse work and all housework. I do not cook on weekends...my rule. I do cook all week and we have leftovers for weekends or we can hit a restaurant.
His jobs are garbage...getting it from the house to the truck and going to the dump with me weekly. Gutter cleaning...which he avoids like the plague. My rule on that is if he keeps avoiding getting it done then I don't want to hear one peep when the roof wears out early or if water gets in the basement. And he fixes/cleans up all damage from not getting it done. He helps clean up after dinner every night.
And because he's not forced to work like a dog from home on *my* horses...he adores those horses and insists on going down the barn with me every night for night check so he can hand out the treats...and he does the same on weekend mornings and helps with barn chores on those mornings to spend time with me and the horses. He enjoys it because neither me nor the horses make him take care of my hobbies. :D

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:22 AM
That's something each individual couple needs to work out between themselves.

In my case, like the OP's, we have our little farmlet because it's my dream, for my horses. Mr. CH is fond of our particular horses, but doesn't ride and isn't as enamored of the species as a whole (unlike those of us with "the disease."). He has his own interests that also require time, money and dedication.

I ask for his help only rarely. I manage the daily chores alone, except when he volunteers to help. He helps with big jobs that could threaten my iffy back, like stacking hay. Likewise, there are chores associated with maintaining his hobbies that I only rarely assist with. On the rare occasion he seeks my help, I give it cheerfully, as he does with me.

Mr. CH likes to garden, and has come to greatly appreciate the self-generating fertilizer the horses provide. :D Because of that, we now have come to share management of the composting piles. We share mowing/weedwhacking duties, as well, with me tending the pastures and him taking care of the yard areas around the house. He also likes to walk, and so makes walking the fencelines part of his self-appointed duties. Sometimes he'll make a needed repair himself, sometimes he'll flag it for me to do later. Either way, that's a big help.

Basically, we use (un)common sense and the philosophy of s/he who uses it cares for it. I'm pretty satisfied with the set-up and Mr. CH indicates he is, too (though he wishes I'd make a greater effort to pick ALL the hay out of my hair and clothes before entering the house ... since vacuuming the floors is his job!:winkgrin:).

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:24 AM
Does he make you do half of everything that involves him too?

I can not imagine asking my husband to do half the chores so everything is split 50/50.

He has his things, I have mine.

He loves his tractor so anything that involves the tractor he will more than willingly do. So heck, he moves the manure pile and all that stuff. Go Mr. Trub.

The horses are my hobby (even though we bought land, they are still my hobby) so I take care of them.

The dogs are always fed by him in the AM since they get fed when I am out doing barn chores.
PM whomever is there at 6:30 feeds them. We share dog yard cleaning.

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:30 AM
I think I need a check here. My husband and I bought our farm close to a year ago. He helps out a lot, but complains about it just as much. He helps with feeding on weekends, blankets, dumping wheelbarrow, all farm chores too.

If the horses are mine, should I just do it all myself? We moved out here b/c it is my dream. He really likes it here too, but it is my thing. He has a two hour commute everyday and right now I'm working from home. We both cook dinner every night. He feeds the dogs in the AM and I feed in the PM. I do a lot of the house cleaning during the week.

How do you divide the chores fairly both inside and out? Does your non horsey husband help? And does he help in "silence"?::lol:

Our set-up is similar. My SO also commutes 2 hours and I work from home 4 out of 5 days. He feeds dogs AM and I do PM. This is really my dream, but he likes the country and has always been an animal lover.

I do all care of the horses during the week. If something happens like my mare managing to lift a several hundred pound dutch door off the hinges, I call SO and let him no I will need his help when he gets home - which he responds "What did they do Now" :lol:

He does like having contact with the horses, so on the weekend I do the pregnant mares and wait for him to feed the youngsters. He knows he can tell me hes not up for it and I'll do them as well, but thats rare. I never count on him for routine animal care, stalls, feeding, blankets, watering etc. I'm also the one on foal watch, but wake him up when its happening as he wants to be there.

He likes doing tractor things, so I save those jobs for him. He also likes to do stuff involving tools. I give in and hire someone if he tells me he doesn't "have time" - he does alot around here and I don't want him to have no free time.

The only time I get grumbling is when I ask him for help with video taping or taking pics - thats like pulling teeth. Most of the time if I ask for help, he knows that it is either a 2 person job or something I physically can't do.

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:42 AM
buying our 8 acres was my husband's idea - to "save money" on three horses (vs. boarding.) of course we now have eight horses hahaha. so much for saving any money.

I do all chores morning & night. he does morning two days a week in exchange I make sure I can pick up our 8yo at day care before they close (good trade.)

he loves to ride the tractor with a beer or two and his headphones so he gets all tractor jobs. he putts around a bit in the barn, too like fixing stuff that needs power tools and things that are high and I can't reach.

for bigger jobs I hire people who know what they're doing and will work in exchange for things I can provide like to babysit their kids while they work (for a discount on the work) or computer work (sometimes I can trade whole jobs for this or get a discount.)

he will cover chores like when I go away to Rolex or what have you. he says he doesn't mind but then he does sort of a schlock job (trying to tell me something, maybe?) so if I can I'd rather hire a barn sitter for at least a few of those days.

overall living with horses is my dream but living in the country with property is his. in his mind, the horses justify the property so it's all good. plus he loves and commits 110% to all animals so he'll go the extra mile to make sure they are taken care of properly but this does not include making sure every poop speck is cleaned from the stalls like I prefer.

Jan. 8, 2009, 11:49 AM
Wait, you work from home, yet your hubby commutes 2 hours because the farm was your dream?

You'd better thank your lucky stars for a man like that, and unless it's a 2 person job, do it yourself with no complaining.

Seriously, any man willing to do the commute from hell to make your dream a reality should get a gold star and a cookie, not have more crap added to his already overbooked schedule.

My SO and I aren't married (yet), but you can bet your boots unless he volunteers to help with the horses, there's no way I'm going to hound him to do so.

Jan. 8, 2009, 12:51 PM
He loves his tractor so anything that involves the tractor he will more than willingly do. So heck, he moves the manure pile and all that stuff. Go Mr. Trub.

The horses are my hobby (even though we bought land, they are still my hobby) so I take care of them.

This sounds exactly like our relationship. My dh will happily flip/empty the manure bunker, mow pastures, rake the arena....pretty much anything tractor-related. If I need help doing something specific, I will ask; e.g. two-person jobs like fence repair, hanging a gate, etc.

My dh loves having a small farm, but not necessarily the horse part of it. He likes that *I* like it; that's enough for him. But there are lots of other jobs on a farm that are not horse-related - cutting back brush, chopping wood, gardening (which is mainly my thing but he will happily help prepare garden beds for planting, compost, etc.)

I would be careful about expecting your dh to love the horse jobs. If he is not a horse person, I think it might be unrealistic for him to want in on those.

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:11 PM
My dh loves having a small farm, but not necessarily the horse part of it. He likes that *I* like it; that's enough for him. But there are lots of other jobs on a farm that are not horse-related - cutting back brush, chopping wood, gardening (which is mainly my thing but he will happily help prepare garden beds for planting, compost, etc.)

I would be careful about expecting your dh to love the horse jobs. If he is not a horse person, I think it might be unrealistic for him to want in on those.


So many other things to be done, let him do those and you do the things that you like to do.

I can imagine it will not take long for the OPs hubby to start talking about selling the farm and moving back closer to work.

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:16 PM
I have the same type of situation excepted my honey loves the horses too, as pets though. But still, I never *demand* for his help with chores and I think it is as fair as it can be because really, *he* didn't choose to have horses! Granted, he helps me around a lot but I don't and wouldn't rely on him either.

I get to have to work more to pay for my horses and it is perfectly normal too. Although our finances are pretty much common, I'll never expect him to provide 50% of the household income with my mini-breeding program on the side because in reality, MY things and hobbies cost more then 50% of the household income and therefore, I subsidize those expenses too.

It's all about fairness. YOUR hobby, YOUR responsibility and ultimately, YOUR fun too! :)

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:17 PM
If it's not a hobby---it's a job.

He has a job and commutes 2 hours a day.

You have a job and can work at home.

I imagine he wants to be a partner and not an employee.

You take care of your horses yourself.

Share the house stuff.

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:28 PM
Sounds similar to my story too!

We live out in the country on our little 5-acre farm. DH's commute to work is 2 - 2 1/2 hours (part of it is a ferry boat ride). I work out of the house 2-4 days a week and the days I go into town I'm on a much more relaxed schedule than he is. Up until we had kids I did all of the directly-horse-related-work (feeding, cleaning, etc.). But he's always been the "tractor guy," so he dragged my arena for me and did all "man jobs" (building and fixing fences, or anything else that required tools).

When we had kids the schedule changed a little. He started feeding for me in the mornings on weekdays so that I could get the kid(s) up and fed. He frequently feeds for me at night too if I'm going to be home late from work or something. And he completely took care of the horses for me when I broke my ankle last year and right after I had each of our kids. He feeds the dogs in the morning (he's up at 4am, so he kind of has to) and whoever's in the kitchen in the evening feeds them at night. We split the housework, though I tend to do a little more simply because I'm in the house more. We don't have any "rules" for housework....it's whoever gets to something first. We certainly don't live in a very clean house (I'd have to go down to my barn if I wanted to eat something off of the floor :lol:), but it's kept decently enough. Things are better since I hired a cleaning gal to come in once a week.....it takes some of the pressure off with both of us working.

As for whether he does it "in silence".....mostly......he almost never complains about the work (beyond giving me a hard time for making him slave away for MY horses). I think that he really enjoys living on the farm and doing his manly things. He also is happy that I'm happy, and that (in my mind) is priceless. The horses themselves, however, are a whole 'nother story. I think he'd REALLY love this place if I could get down from 6 to maybe 1 or 2. Ain't gonna happen, but he lives in the hope that one day it will. I let him believe it just to keep the peace :lol:

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:42 PM
Since the horses are my deal, I do all of the work. He has never offered, so I don't ask. He pays the bills and enables me to have my passion:). I am 60 yo and have arthritis and a more severe case of fibromyalsia and if I didn't have my horses, I would definitely be housebound. The exercise is great, but tiring. He is busy with his profession and his vacation time is spent doing things together that he wants to do. Fortunately he cooks and will keep the lawn nice. The jack russells are mine and he has a couple of large dogs that he walks. If he were more active in my horses, he'd crimp my style:yes:. We are both very strongly opinionated in our respective endeavors and that's how I like it. Just don't try to do more than you can do and enjoy and you'll work it out. BTW- I commute 2 hours a day for my horses. His commute is 40 min a day! Hey, it works! ;)Peg

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:52 PM
Ditto what everybody else said. You got the man to move and get you a farm, you can't have it all. :)

We bought our place 5 years ago (5 acres). He would be just as happy to live back in town, but he realizes it's my thing to have the horses at home and he is ok with that.
Hubby does not ride, but enjoys feeding cookies and stuff like that, has made good friends with the husband half of our JtMFH's at the hunt, which makes things nice.

Although he likes the horses, the horses are my deal, so I do 90% of what needs to be done to and with them. I say 90% because right now I work til midnight but he gets off at 9 pm so he feeds dinner, blankets when needed and turns out. But THAT"S IT. He doesn't do poop. Period.The days we are off the horse work is done 100% by me unless he happens to come out to the barn to hang out and decides to chip in. BUT I DON"T ASK HIM TO unless it's a real emergency or I'm stuck somewhere, like the time the dog had to get rushed to the vet at 9 am and the farrier was coming, he sat out there with the farrier. But they get along so it was ok. I make a point of not taking advantage or making a habit of it.

He will, however, do farm stuff, like mowing, repairing things and guy stuff like that.

We both work full time, and I have two boarders, so I also make a point of not using any of joint funds or asking him for $$ for anything horsey.

re the chores: he doesn't cook, so that's on me. I have no problem popping a frozen lasagna or making bacon and eggs for dinner. He will do some stuff in the house but usually I have to specifically ask or make a list, which I hate to do. But he will stay outside all day and find stuff that needs fixing or doing, which is fine.
So I make sure the laundry is done, which is no biggie, I can throw it in or swap it out through out the day, and keep the dishes done and the rest can wait. We don't have kids so the place stays relatively decent, just needs sweeping and vaccuuming, which I do when I get to it. The barn first, then the dogs, then the house.

You can't do it all, so prioritize what has to be done as opposed to what should be done and go from there.

Jan. 8, 2009, 01:57 PM
Yeah.....this is why I board! When my husband and I were looking for our first home he says, "Don't you want some land where you can have your horses?" And I asked him, "Do you want to get up early and feed, muck stalls, change blankets, drag the ring, fix a fence, throw hay?". Needless to say we bought a house in a subdivision :lol: My husband and I both work away from the home and I think it would be a ton of work if we had a farm as well. I think if you were home all day, you should do the majority of the work

Jan. 8, 2009, 02:05 PM
This 10 acre farm was the carrot that my husband dangled in front of my nose to get me to agree to move somewhere big enough to care for his parents. We signed the sales agreement on our 10th anniversary.

I do all the horse chores. He will help with barn fixes, like installing lights and electric outlets, removed a stall wall to make it into a tractor garage, and he will climb the 30 foot ladder to change the outdoor light bulb on the barn (good thing those bulbs last for years!). I've learned to do my own fence repair, and commandeer my daughter to help.

This is my hobby not his. His hobby is home renovations, and I offer to help, but he chases me out of the house with power tools if I get too close :winkgrin: while he is working.

Jan. 8, 2009, 02:09 PM
If you've got a husband willing to ride in a car four hours a day so that you can live out where you can enjoy your hobby then I suggest he's a candidate for cannonization. Even more so if he's actually willing to shoulder some of the farm work. Count your blessings.


Jan. 8, 2009, 02:10 PM
Thanks everybody. Helps me put it into perspective more. I think we are both still getting used to living here. I do 75% of the work, that includes everything from the horse care, to mowing and seeding, hay, etc.

He's offered to help on weekends with the horses. We have 2 on 6.5 acres. I think he feels obligated to help, and some days he does not mind, but others I'm sure he'd rather not.

Financially we contribute the same. There are perks for him too, it's not like it all just for me. The horses are my thing, but hey, he has his own BOY room in the house dedicated to his indoor trainer, big TV and junk everywhere. I never go in it:lol:

Jan. 8, 2009, 02:12 PM
G. - His commute is under 2 round trip, but still I agree

Jan. 8, 2009, 04:05 PM
Mr. T has no interest in horses, so our little horse property was definitely for me and DD. He does whine occasionally about the work they generate, but I think he does like the fact that I have something that I'm passionate about and makes me happy, as before the horses all I wanted was to move back closer to my family and was miserable for our first 10 years in MD.

he also doesn't trust me with his tools or precious tractor, so he will do the hammering and nailing, and turns mount manure, as he's learned the value in having really nice compost that my neighbors fight over. He's pretty handy with tools, and is slowy teaching me to be a little more self sufficient with them. He even bought me my own little tractor so I can do pasture dragging, mowing, etc. now without hs involvement, since I couldn't reach the controls on his bigger one. He does the laundry and most of the yard work, I do the gardening and weeding and take care of the horses and barn. During the week I get home late, so he feeds himself. He's a better cook anyway, LOL.

He's come to accept that he needs to help with putting up hay 2 x 3 times a year, and even 'helped' me buy a hay elevator because he found the $1 a bale for delivery I was paying to be disgusting.

We both work full time and commute an hour each way, and I've finally over-ridden him on the value of a cleaning service for the house. All horse related expenses and anything else we disagree on (like the cleaning service) come out of my paycheck, which I think is fair, considering he's bought tractors, spreaders, etc. that wouldn't be needed if there were no critters.

Basically, I have a great non-horsey SO. I'm pretty sure he dreams of a townhouse in the city or a condo on the beach where there are NO horses, but then he also fantasizes about turning my barn into a woodshop, LOL!

Jan. 8, 2009, 05:12 PM
we share the interest in the horses, but the horses are my thing, his not so much. He likes to pet and ride and feed...but stalls? eh. Meeting the vet or farrier. eh. Drag the pasture. eh.

But- while I'm that person, he's the person that maintains the trails, bush hogs, fixes the fence, cuts firewood, does gutters, maintains the boat, works on the tractor, etc etc etc.

I cook he cleans up. We split grocery shopping. We split cleaning the house-him kitchen and sweep, me bathrooms, and vacuum. We both hate laundry so we live out of baskets of clean clothes LOL

You guys are just getting settled in still. He might be fearful of the horses, hence whining about feeding/blankets- men won't say I'm scared, but they'll whine if it works to let them out of something they aren't comfortable doing. Maybe he could dump/fill water while you fed, or sweep the hall, something that doesn't involve the horses. My SO and I spend more time just having a glass of wine after feeding, sitting on the hall bench, than we do in our living room, I swear. Especially in the summer. Just look for ways he can enjoy being with you while you do some stuff on the weekends, he can push the hay cart, but you put out the hay, stuff like that.

You'll sort it out ;)

Jan. 8, 2009, 05:14 PM
my husband and i don't even talk about it much, generally he likes housework and i like the farm stuff but he does all the feeding and filling water buckets, i do the hay stacking, fence fixing, gutter cleaning etc, i do all the mucking,we once rented a skid steer with the idea he was going to do the work with it and i think he got to sit in it for max one hour in the whole 2 days, otoh he has gutted and redone the kitchen and i have had no part of it, his idea for spring is extending the deck and making an outdoor kitchen
i work 3 days a week and he does as well so we have alot of free time
i have the horses and he gets to have his hound dogs, he's always had a horse of his own tho
seriously i've seen 3 marriages of my friends break up due to wife wanted the horses home and husband didn't realize he was supposed to do something

Jan. 8, 2009, 05:16 PM
i have to add, i've learned to never say "i think they're cold and someone should check on them" and then stare at him like he's going to get up

Jan. 8, 2009, 07:52 PM
My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have lived on a small farm for the past 21 years. He really doesn't like horses much at all and I never ask for any help involving their basic care-I know it's not his interest and he's sacrificed a more traditional lifestyle to live here. He is the major breadwinner and my earnings are for all horse-related costs (minus the tractor and the pick up truck). He's been a great help with putting up fencing and any repairs I can't do. I think our relationship has worked out because we both try to respect each others interests. I've had the more traditional female roles of raising the kids, laundry, taking care of all the animals and cooking. We've had a house cleaner who comes every other week and that's been great. I've also gotten a lot more easy going if the house is a bit of a mess. The biggest saving grace is that we both have a great sense of humor-it's a great tension release if you can laugh instead of blowing up. Appreciate your man for what he does and what his interests are and he will appreciate you for yours.

Jan. 8, 2009, 08:04 PM
My horses are 100% my responsibility. That includes ALL feeding, cleaning up, taking care of hay delivery, planning where the fences go, etc. He's more than happy to help "implement" things--like install the auto-waterer, help pound in fence posts, etc. but we're both happier if I do the planning and he helps with the execution. ;) He knows that I want "farm stuff" for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas and I let him choose what he thinks is best unless I have passionate feelings about whatever-it-is.

Cases in point: the ladder for our hayloft (anniversary gift) is a monstrously overengineered thing in which he takes great pride. I would've bought a simple camper ladder--this thing is a MONSTER. I love it. He loves it. Win-win. :yes: The instant hot water heater? (birthday) HIS baby. I just knew I wanted one; I let him and his engineer brain decide how much of one I needed and install the Byzantine thing to his heart's content. Win-win. :) Tractor? (necessity) I set the parameters for what implements I needed, he chose. Win-win.

Right now he's cheerfully snow-blowing our 1/4 mile long driveway with that tractor. That's his job. I do all the pasture mowing. Win-win. Fence maintenance, little fix-it projects, etc. are my job, unless I'm in over my head, in which case appealing to his manly superiority usually does the trick. :D

He's not into horses AT ALL. I don't try to force him to be. :)

He will throw hay if I need him to, etc. but there are no horsey "assigned jobs" for him. He takes care of 90% of the cooking, cleaning and laundry, so I feel like I have a pretty sweet deal. :) :)

Jan. 8, 2009, 08:11 PM
We have a small farm, which was my dream, DH is basically a city boy who had never been close to a horse until he met mine. So when we moved here he was really overwhelmed. I have never asked him to help with the daily horse care but he volunteers when he feels like it and I appreciate that. I generally dont need help with the daily care, but I do need him to load and unload my hay and shavings for me and do anything that involves driving the tractor and poop, which he is fine with. He has grown to like the "man part' of the farm work and we seem to have worked it out between us. I do all the daily care and cleaning of all the animals and take care of the house, bills, cleaning and cooking. He works 40+ OT to pay for all this and plays farm boy on the weekends. :) Works for us!

Jan. 9, 2009, 12:03 AM
We live on MY farm. I'm the one with horses and cattle. My wife is a nurse with a 35-mile commute.

I only expect her to help if there's an emergency. She doesn't expect me to help with her patients, why should I expect her to help with routine farm chores?

Count your blessings, I do.

Jan. 9, 2009, 10:34 AM
Serigraph - We are living parallel lives. We moved a year ago and my DH has a 2.5 hour commute daily; mine is an hour daily. I try to do all the horse chores when I'm home ( I travel for work A LOT) with occasionally asking him to put out hay and frequently if he gets home before I do he will do stalls, feed, bring in, whatever. I know how completely blessed I am that he's willing to engage in my dream and try very hard to be respectful of that.

Jan. 9, 2009, 10:44 AM
My husband used to say "If you want 'em...you take of 'em" Now "farmer Jim" is out there every day loving every minute of it. He keeps saying "can't you work harder so I can quit and just work at this full time?"


Jan. 9, 2009, 10:56 AM
Like MikeP, I'm the one with the horses and the farm. My wife used to be very horsey, but has lost interest after a bad fall. I never ask for her help with the horses. She sometimes volunteers to groom or feed or even muck stalls, if I'm running late. If I go out of town, I hire a horse sitter.

OP, I'd suggest you buy a little Kubota with some attachments, then stand back! Your husband will show a lot more interest in the farm. We men like our toys!

Jan. 9, 2009, 11:15 AM
Well my passion may be in trouble. My husband has been very sullen for the last few weeks. Since he has a negative opinion of my horses and how well I have done with them, his reaction to placing a young filly into training was in effect"putting good money after bad". He also intructed me that all horses were to be "given away". I think that he has SAD and has been listeneing to sympathetic persons at work- all who make a substantial living. I should have seen this coming since he has disallowed me to have my horses in a business and instead as a hobby, per IRS rules. So, I'm not sure where that I'll be in a year, but it will probably be with my horses. I may have pushed the limit too far with training. Make sure to keep a balance with your spouse. In my case, I've been walking the line for 10 years and it looks like the line is fading. Peg

Jan. 9, 2009, 11:20 AM
i have to add, i've learned to never say "i think they're cold and someone should check on them" and then stare at him like he's going to get up

:lol::lol::lol::lol: I did that in the early days! Learned quickly it doesn't work! He, on the other hand has learned not to say- boy you've had an extra long day, would you like me to feed for you? I always say yes! Then he trods out to the barn head down and pouting....

Jan. 9, 2009, 11:31 AM
I do everything that I physically can. I do need his help to load the manure in garbage cans onto the pick-up every few weeks to go dump. He also helped put up fence. I figure, it is my pet, I do the work.

Jan. 9, 2009, 11:35 AM
It would be a cold day in hell I drove 4 hours a day for a job theres just not that much money to make me do it. My first wife wasn't into the farm at all and I never expected her to be. In 17 years she just wasn't into it and it was my thing not hers. She loved singing in the Choir I never once went their to sing. Why should someone else do anothers chorses for whats supposed to be their love/hobby?

Jan. 9, 2009, 01:08 PM
I do all the horse chores. He helps with fences and stuff like that, but he doesn't even know how to put a halter on. It's fine they are my love not his.

Jan. 9, 2009, 01:31 PM
When I first met my hubby of 18 years, I used to swear that if it was up to him we would be living in the biggest house on the smallest lot with plastic grass!!!

I owned a house & 3 horses when we married, but it was one I purchased with my EX, so he always wanted to sell. I said no selling my house to make a sideways move into a house basically the same just because I bought it with my EX. That was a waste of money...and I loved my little 3 acre home. I did tell him I would sell for more land. We lived in the little acreage for 10 years. During that time, he started to really enjoy things that I loved - gardening, landscaping and he started to volunteer to do some of the animal chores! Wow!!!

Anyway - now we have a small farm on 26 acres and actually live above a barn!!! - even though he still does not ride - he brags about the horses to his friends. He feeds in the mornings (7 horses, 5 dogs, 5 cats, & 4 sheep) and I feed at night. We both work away from our home - but he works way more hours than I do.

I don't think I ever forced it on him, nor did I expect him to do anything beyond what he volunteered to do...and he seems really happy! He was very involved with the birth of our last foal! Sadly - the poor guy still does not own his own tractor though...

I think I am a lucky girl..