Saying Good Bye to a friend/boarder -update p9: It's DONE!

[CrazyAlter]

Today I am CrazyAlter because I need a shoulder.

See I asked a friend who is also a boarder to leave because she was always complaining and making me feel uncomfortable walking into my own barn. I was tired of getting jumped every night when I came home from work.

Yes as a paying boarder she gets to complain IF things were not as promised, but they always were. And she never complained until I had to raise the board $50 per month because my costs had skyrocketed!

Her horse - who is a PITA - looks fabulous.

I clean stalls when I get home from work. Lately I have been getting home after dark. So the stalls were not clean and the horses were not in when she came to visit her horse. Nothing has changed. It has always been this way since she has had her horse. Now I hear "It's cold and dark and the horses are still out!" "They are eating in their stalls before they have been cleaned". "My horse can not eat in a smelly dirty stall!" "Haven't you filled the water buckets yet? What if she gets thirsty before you fill them?" Now here I take issue because there is still half a bucket from breakfast. They have had water and hay all day outside. And I prefer to empty and clean the buckets before I refill them, which is so much easier to do when the buckets are only half full. Last week I did not clean on Christmas. In the boarding contract it says I do not pick on that day nor do I pick on Sundays. Then the 26th I was SICK! I posted a note saying I could not pick if the boarders (I have 4 ) wanted to clean their stalls I would pay them as I was very ill. I also emailed a note detailing as such. Well there was hell to pay.

I have not been sick since her horse has been here. Nor have I taken a vacation or day off in YEARS!

Any way I had had enough and I said "Since I can not seem to make you happy perhaps you should move your horse somewhere else."

And now she is. And i am sad. See we are really friends. But no matter how hard I try I can not make her happy. I mean I could see it if her horse was not in fabulous condition. If I misled her about the care I offer - which I have not. If things had changed - but they haven't. I am heart sick over it! We had a heart to heart in October. I told her I would continue to do just as I always have. And that I could not and would not change. She said "OK". But it has not been "OK" in a long long time. I see her in my "neighborhood" every day this will be awkward.

She lives in a fancy house, my place is not. She is particular about her car, her yard, her garden, her tack, her lead rope, her - well everything. I do not have the income she has to afford the fancy things she can. I take great care of what I do have. Admittedly I am not much for yard or garden work. And my tack is older and covered in barn cat paw prints. But I kinda like it that way. My place is the least fancy place on our block. They all moved in around me from the suburbs. But I love my little place despite all it's plainness. I have had the same three other boarders for 10 years or more. We all ride together and work together. This gal has been here 3 years or so. She has been part and parcel of nearly every ride and adventure we have gone on since then. We have gotten along famously. Until I raised the board in October :no:

:sigh:

[seabreeze]

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Your feelings are obviously terribly hurt, and that's just a bummer. I hope you feel better soon. Keep your chin up. ;)

[Cruzer]

Crazy Alter - I am both a boarder and have horses at home. I also have this little problem that is called work. Its dark when my horses eat in the morning and its dark when I get home. They have fresh water in their tub, nice hay, and their paddock is picked everyday. My boarded horse has been at the same farm for several years. Things happen. Its Christmas. Maybe the tractor won't start and the stalls may not be done until the next day. I have witnessed boarders come and go. I LIKED some of them. But they were always complaining. This staff was mean. That staff was late with breakfast. Etc. etc. So they move their horses. And three months later they are complaining again. So they move again, and again....

From a barn owner perspective, let her go. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. From a friendship perspective, its a little harder but no one said she can't move her horse and stay friends with you, if you want. Its better not to mix business with friendship, anyway.

[WingedPanda]

See we are really friends. But no matter how hard I try I can not make her happy.

Really? She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Sorry you're sad about this, but if she was really your friend I don't think she'd be acting like that. :(

[Bayou Roux]

Owning a horse does not require intelligence, courtesy, or common sense. Sounds like you had a boarder who met these qualifications.

It's not you; let it go, and breathe easy now that she's gone.

[CiegoStar]

Really? She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Sorry you're sad about this, but if she was really your friend I don't think she'd be acting like that. :(

The discovery that you were never really friends with someone can be just as painful as losing a friend.

I'm sorry, Crazy Alter. Give it some time, and if it is really important to you, maybe you can patch things up with the boarder after she has left and the dust has settled.

[minnie]

If she's truly a friend, it will only be awkward for a short time. Business and the friendship are 2 different vehicles. I've had business arrangements with friends that didn't work out, we mutually agreed it wasn't working and severed the business end of it, but maintained the friendship. Sometimes one or the other of us had our feelings hurt pretty deeply, but we always kissed and made up so to speak. There have been other cases where the business end wasn't working (on more than one occasion when I was being taken advantage of and charging less board than what it was costing me to care for the animal) when I upped the board to break even they left in a huff, never to darken my doorstep again. Guess they weren't really friends, huh? Sometimes the business end of it was so bad that we severed that in order to SAVE our friendship! Sounds like that was the direction you were headed in.

So smile and say hello when you see her in the neighborhood. Invite her out for a cup of coffee. Inquire as to how her horse is settling in in the new barn, wherever she moves and invite her to trailer over for rides. You'll find out relatively soon whether she truly considers you a friend or not. Well, I've read this over and it sounds kinda discombubbled, but hope you can get the drift anyway! LOL

[stryder]

I'm sorry. This is a hard spot, but you've done the right thing. You can't afford to subsidize her hobby, and you can't provide the total environment she wants.

But still. After she's had time to settle in at her new place, there's nothing to prevent you from calling her up: "Hey. I've missed you. Let's go for a ride." You could even agree to put things "in the box." The Box is where people store things they aren't supposed to talk about.

I've also learned about the great power in acting normal. It gets people past the awkwardness. It often takes the leadership of one person, who is determined to act normal, which emboldens the other person to act normal.

FWIW:
Her side of this story would probably be "I've been boarding at my friend's, and I want to move. But I don't want to hurt her feelings."


Good luck.

[Woodland]

Yes, Her side of the story is probably just as painful.

It is so very hard to do business with friends.

[WingedPanda]

The discovery that you were never really friends with someone can be just as painful as losing a friend.


More painful, in my experience - because it means that what you thought was there was not real to begin with, or at the very least, not what you thought it was. Either way, it sucks.

[Cherry]

While there are three sides to every story the fact that you were dreading walking into your own barn is very telling.

I also agree that this person is not a true friend, despite the fact you think she is/was.... Friends pitch in when the goin' gets tough. She had to sense that you were struggling with your workload. :(

I know it's hard but I think you'll be better off without this person. ;) Real friends understand what you are going through and try to help out (or at least not compound the problem by whining). All I really know is life is too short to let a-holes ruin it for you!

I wish you peace in the coming year.... :yes:

[myrna]

Having boarders can be wonderful or not.Now remember that this is winter and things are frozen right now.............one boarder told me yesterday to not put hot water on her old horses alfalfa cubes,cause then she has to clean the bucket.excuse me.but who is better off here,the old horse that can chew up sloppy alfalfa cubes ,or the boarder might have to rinse out his bucket?

[saddleup]

I boarded one of my best friend's horse for a year. When it got to the point that I had to raise the board, she left. My costs had sky-rocketed, and I had no choice. I could tell she was mad, but I acted as if it was purely a business decision on both our parts. Mutual friends asked what happened, and I just told them my costs went up and she could board somewhere else for less money. My friend just bought a horse property around the corner from me and now has her horse at home. I laugh when she calls and reports how much work it is! And she's surprised!!

My advice is to be cordial when you see her. Never discuss the reasons that led to her leaving with anyone else. If you can keep it in a professional/business context you will be able to get past it.

[Kate66]

I'm sorry, that just sounds sucky for you.

I am sure when she moves somewhere else, she will truly realise what a great deal and good care she had at your place. My horses are at home. The 1st year we had our own place we took them out in the morning and brought them in at night. I was a stickler for stalls and there was not one little poop ball anywhere, nor a single strand of hay left when the stalls were cleaned. As time went on, I realised that 1) they were happier outside, 2) I was happier with them outside 3) they didnt give a damn if there was a poop ball in their stall and the bucket hadn't been cleaned that day.

I hope your 2009 is good and you get over this awkwardness soon. She really will appreciate you sooner rather than later (and by then, you will no longer have a free stall!!!)

[Woodland]

Having boarders can be wonderful or not.Now remember that this is winter and things are frozen right now.............one boarder told me yesterday to not put hot water on her old horses alfalfa cubes,cause then she has to clean the bucket.excuse me.but who is better off here,the old horse that can chew up sloppy alfalfa cubes ,or the boarder might have to rinse out his bucket?


:lol: I feel your pain :lol:

In my barn the horses come first owners second. Most owners prefer it that way - but then there are some......

[CrazyAlter]

I took it personally when it was supposed to be business. I know from the questions she asks that she doesn't think it costs me as much as I charge to care for her horse. Maybe not in materials, but my time and sacrifice are worth something - right? :sigh: I probably "make" the $50 I raised the board clear each month. That covers my time at about 50 cents an hour. :no: Yes, the raise in board meant making ends meet for me and an unforgivable faux pas to her I guess. :( I am not cut out for this!

Thanks for the input. I suppose it will make sense too me one day :sigh:

[marta]

couple of years ago i lost a friend who i met through the barn. we boarded together. we moved to a new barn together. we spoke every day about everything, horses, life. then one day i found out from the BO that she was moving out. and i was sad b/c something had to be wrong w/ our friendship if i found that out from the BO before she told me. i think we tried to work things but they didn't last. we have not spoken since.

it is sad, disappointing. it also left me feeling a bit betrayed by her.
i hope you find a way to have your friendship survive this bump in the road...

[LockeMeadows]

I went through something similar this past year. It really hurt to loose what I thought was a best friend, but in hind-sight, I realized we were not friends at all. She just used me and I let it happen. I also didn't realize how much of a pain this person had become to my other clients. I had been keeping her around, worried that when she left, she would take them with her (everyone at our barn is very close...or so I thought). After she was gone, they explained they didn't want to say anything to me for fear of making me up-set, but they wanted her out too! Six months later, we still laugh about the whole episode, thankful it is over. We also made a pact that if someone else goes off the deep end, they will talk to me about it so I don't just think it's me.

Keep your chin up; it will get better. Once she is gone, you will realize how bad it had become and be grateful you are no longer in that situation!

PS: My ex-boarder/friend is now at her 3rd barn in less than six months. She was at our facility for over five years. Things that make you go huuummm.

[Mariequi]

Time will tell if she really was/is a friend. In the meantime, you've lost a headache! You did the right thing.

[Ware Whip!]

Your heart is in the right place, and perhaps, she can not help herself.

I will bet you, nowhere she goes is going to be "right" and she is never going to be happy with how her horse is kept. We have all had boarders like this, and that is usally how it goes.

Bussiness is bussiness, if she is your friend, that will endure.

[Saidapal]

It sounds like your more loyal than your friend which is why you feel so badly about this.

Move on. If she remains a friend in the future, fantastic, if not, oh well.

I had a friend a few years ago who was very similar. I enjoyed talking to her about horses and we agreed on many levels and our training techniques were similar. But, my Lord this woman was negative. She would call me several times during the day and complain, complain, complain. At first I felt sympathetic and listened, but after awhile it became wearing. She hinted at moving her horses to my home, but I didn't have the room - thank God!!! She would move her horse to a new boarding barn, at first it would be terrific, then the gripping would start. They didn't do this, they won't do that, I can't believe they did this, I can't believe they did that.....I actually started avoiding her phone calls.

Well, she got mad at me because I refused to bad mouth a mutual friend and she stopped calling. At first I was hurt, but then peace settled in. I had no idea how her constant negativity was affecting me until she was gone.

Its your place, your rules, your standard of care. If she doesn't like it, oh well. Go find someplace more suitable.

What amazes me is she would complain instead of picking up a manure fork and cleaning her own stall or dumping her own water buckets. Stuff happens and you shouldn't be a slave to the horses care. Many times I did my own stall cleaning and pitching in on full board because I understood stuff happens and I wanted my horse to have a clean stall....no big deal in my book.

Post again a month after she's gone and let us know how much more your enjoying your place and the peace of walking into your own barn. Your going to wish you had asked her to leave a long time ago.

[allpurpose]

Reading this thread makes me think about how I'm viewed as a boarder! Never having had a barn of my own, I have always boarded my horses.

Sometimes I cringe and complain when the board gets raised; sometimes I just shrug my shoulders and figure the BO knows what they're doing. ;)

I try to go the extra mile in my barn community and help out where needed if something got missed that day. I try to be a good barn citizen although sometimes my mouth gets the best of me.

Thanks for the food for thought this December morning; whether we're boarding with friends or not, it sure gives us boarders something to think about!

[IronwoodFarm]

I have asked boarders to leave on rare occasions. Once I had a neighbor who kept two horses with me. Basically she wanted to run my farm for me. It took patience and diplomacy to explain repeatedly that the system I had worked for me and it was my barn. It lasted a couple of years until she took it upon herself to medicate another boarder's without permission. That was the end for me.

She's a nice person and a good horsewoman, but I asked her to leave because it wasn't going to work. It was a relief not to have her around. About 90% of all my "problems" disappeared with her. I like having her as my neighbor and not as my boarder. We get along fine now that she doesn't keep horses with me.

I agree with the prior posts about giving it time and finding other people to have as horse girlfriends.

[Giddy-up]

I agree with others that this friendship sounded a little 1 sided. She was your friend/pal as long as things went her way. Now it's not going her way so she's finding another place. Be polite. See how your "friendship" goes from here. People do get too emotional with their barn relationships, but bottom line is this is a business which people forget in such a casual atmosphere. She can take her business elsewhere & still remain friends with you.

[gieriscm]

No matter what kind of business you run, sometimes you just have to fire a particular customer to keep your sanity.

[findeight]

A friend would have been out and cleaned all 4 stalls for you when you got sick and missed a single day for the first time in years. And asked you if you needed anything at the store or even brought you chicken soup.

A friend would know the sun sets at 4:30 in the winter but you still do evening chores when you get home from work at 5:30.

A friend would have at least half a clue everything has gone up in price.

A friend would not make you dread going to the barn when she is there.

Two possibilities here. Either she is not your friend and only was friendly because it was convenient and she was getting something out of you.

Or that fancy house and all the stuff she has are in jeopardy because of financial or marital trouble and she is just not a happy person and is passing that around.

Either way, you were probably a better friend to her then she ever was or ever will be to you. It's hard but you have to just stay cordial but stop thinking of her the way you used to friendship wise.

[Ghazzu]

Really? She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Sorry you're sad about this, but if she was really your friend I don't think she'd be acting like that. :(

That's my take on things, as well.

[marta]

A friend would have been out and cleaned all 4 stalls for you when you got sick and missed a single day for the first time in years. And asked you if you needed anything at the store or even brought you chicken soup.

A friend would know the sun sets at 4:30 in the winter but you still do evening chores when you get home from work at 5:30.

A friend would have at least half a clue everything has gone up in price.

A friend would not make you dread going to the barn when she is there.

Two possibilities here. Either she is not your friend and only was friendly because it was convenient and she was getting something out of you.

Or that fancy house and all the stuff she has are in jeopardy because of financial or marital trouble and she is just not a happy person and is passing that around.

Either way, you were probably a better friend to her then she ever was or ever will be to you. It's hard but you have to just stay cordial but stop thinking of her the way you used to friendship wise.

that was my gut feeling but i hesitated to say that.

[WhiteCamry]

Today I am CrazyAlter because I need a shoulder.

See I asked a friend who is also a boarder to leave because she was always complaining and making me feel uncomfortable walking into my own barn. I was tired of getting jumped every night when I came home from work.

Yes as a paying boarder she gets to complain IF things were not as promised, but they always were. And she never complained until I had to raise the board $50 per month because my costs had skyrocketed!

Her horse - who is a PITA - looks fabulous.

I clean stalls when I get home from work. Lately I have been getting home after dark. So the stalls were not clean and the horses were not in when she came to visit her horse. Nothing has changed. It has always been this way since she has had her horse. Now I hear "It's cold and dark and the horses are still out!" "They are eating in their stalls before they have been cleaned". "My horse can not eat in a smelly dirty stall!" "Haven't you filled the water buckets yet? What if she gets thirsty before you fill them?" Now here I take issue because there is still half a bucket from breakfast. They have had water and hay all day outside. And I prefer to empty and clean the buckets before I refill them, which is so much easier to do when the buckets are only half full. Last week I did not clean on Christmas. In the boarding contract it says I do not pick on that day nor do I pick on Sundays. Then the 26th I was SICK! I posted a note saying I could not pick if the boarders (I have 4 ) wanted to clean their stalls I would pay them as I was very ill. I also emailed a note detailing as such. Well there was hell to pay.

I have not been sick since her horse has been here. Nor have I taken a vacation or day off in YEARS!

Any way I had had enough and I said "Since I can not seem to make you happy perhaps you should move your horse somewhere else."

And now she is. And i am sad. See we are really friends. But no matter how hard I try I can not make her happy. I mean I could see it if her horse was not in fabulous condition. If I misled her about the care I offer - which I have not. If things had changed - but they haven't. I am heart sick over it! We had a heart to heart in October. I told her I would continue to do just as I always have. And that I could not and would not change. She said "OK". But it has not been "OK" in a long long time. I see her in my "neighborhood" every day this will be awkward.

She lives in a fancy house, my place is not. She is particular about her car, her yard, her garden, her tack, her lead rope, her - well everything. I do not have the income she has to afford the fancy things she can. I take great care of what I do have. Admittedly I am not much for yard or garden work. And my tack is older and covered in barn cat paw prints. But I kinda like it that way. My place is the least fancy place on our block. They all moved in around me from the suburbs. But I love my little place despite all it's plainness. I have had the same three other boarders for 10 years or more. We all ride together and work together. This gal has been here 3 years or so. She has been part and parcel of nearly every ride and adventure we have gone on since then. We have gotten along famously. Until I raised the board in October :no:

:sigh:
All that change of attitude over an extra $50 a month?

[eponacelt]

A friend would have been out and cleaned all 4 stalls for you when you got sick and missed a single day for the first time in years. And asked you if you needed anything at the store or even brought you chicken soup.

A friend would know the sun sets at 4:30 in the winter but you still do evening chores when you get home from work at 5:30.

A friend would have at least half a clue everything has gone up in price.

A friend would not make you dread going to the barn when she is there.



At the same time, a boarder pays for those services. A friend may be there when necessary, but as someone who has been the "friend", not the BO in this situation, there is still an expectation that the boarding contract will be fulfilled. Even if I'm you're friend, I'm also paying you for a service. If that service isn't performed to my satisfaction, then I need to either bring that up with the service provider and find a resolution with them or else find a new service provider.

In this case, it sounds like the friend and the BO have a different opinion of what the level of service should be. That is fair enough. For everyone's sanity, I think asking her to leave was the right call. But please everyone, remember that the boarder/friend has a right to expect a certain level of care and if she's not getting that where she is (whether any of us think that the care is appropriate or not) then she SHOULD find a new place that makes her happy. Whether she has a nice house and a nice car is immaterial. If she has different standards than the BO is willing to meet, then she needs to go find that and I credit the OP for having the guts to tell her that.

But it doesn't make the friend/BO a bad person. I left a barn after a very long time because despite being good friends with the BO, and pitching in on MANY occasions to help out, above and beyond just being a good boarder, I wasn't getting what I wanted for the money I was paying. It doesn't make the BO a bad person. It doesn't make me a bad person. Unfortunately, things were said and I don't know yet if the friendship will be salvaged.

To the OP...if you want this person in your life (and only you can make that decision - not any of us), then accept that they want something in a boarding barn other than what you provide and thats fine. Different strokes for different folks. Some people like fancy. Some people like plain. Some people like barns with purple spots. But if you want to continue a friendship with this former boarder, then make your conversations about you and them, not about the barn. Let it go and move forward. Discover whether you can continue to have adventures and good times when she is not a boarder.

[Coreene]

Life is too short to worry about your favorite thing being ruined by bitchy attitudes.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

I'm sorry too. I love my barn, and lemme tell you, when there's an issue, we all pitch in. Even when there's not an issue!

It's too bad. This woman may not realize how hard it is to find a barn where your horse is happy and healthy, as I have. Which is why I am always happy to help out whenever I can.

[coloredhorse]

But please everyone, remember that the boarder/friend has a right to expect a certain level of care and if she's not getting that where she is (whether any of us think that the care is appropriate or not) then she SHOULD find a new place that makes her happy.
I agree with this, but will point out that, presuming honesty on the part of the OP, the specifics of the boarding agreement were fulfilled in this case and there were no changes to SOPs that had (again, going by the OP as written) not been an issue previously. I've been a boarder and a BO and agree fully that if either party is unsatisfied, it's time to end the business relationship. I've also seen how boarders' expectations of the real cost and realistic services can differ greatly from that of BOs. I enlightened a few by sharing my balance sheets that showed how close to the bone the cost-expense ratio was ... and the fact that I worked XX hours per week caring for their horses and rarely had any money to put into my own pocket for my troubles.

And yes, I've also seen some BOs cut corners, start off gung-ho and peter out, or just generally do a lousy job. No halos on either side, just various folks searching for clients/service providers that meet their needs and preferences.

To the OP...if you want this person in your life (and only you can make that decision - not any of us), then accept that they want something in a boarding barn other than what you provide and thats fine. Different strokes for different folks. ... if you want to continue a friendship with this former boarder, then make your conversations about you and them, not about the barn. Let it go and move forward.
Very, very sage advice.

[cloudyandcallie]

Don't be upset.

As a boarder, I just want honesty from the BO and then I can either "do it myself" or go elsewhere.

I've cleaned stalls, not only mine but up to 20 others, and dumped and refilled water buckets and put hay in stalls and brought in and turned out, etc., etc., and held for farrier, etc., and paid full board plus extras for 2 horses.

And helped on Sundays and holidays including Christmas cause I want to be with my horses, now horse, on holidays so why not help out at the barn when workers have the day off?

This did often result in my being taken advantage of and treated worse than boarders who came out and acted as your friend did.

Just always be up front and tell your new boarders the rules and all before they move in and then if they complain, pull out your copy of the rules, which you should have them sign, and tell them that everything they want is "extra" an charge for it.

[Hampton Bay]

Things like this always suck (the losing a friend part), but if you tried to discuss it and it still didn't work out, then you've done the right thing.

My best friend boards her horse at my house (no stall, just pasture). I am hoping that we can maintain our friendship if anything were to go wrong. Mixing business with pleasure can go downhill quickly, especially when there are two horse people involved.

[jacksmom]

CA - sorry you feel you are losing a friend.

i disagree with folks who may think this is not a 'true friend'. some people are just clueless as to what it truly takes to keep a horse. some people just wear negativity glasses all the time - and they can't see beyond the surface dirt (and that their horse is happy and healthy!). your friend sounds like she may be so afflicted.

i have a dear dear friend that i will NEVER board a horse for. love her to death, known her for 10+ years, was the matron of honor in her wedding, adore her children, and respect her as a rider, but she's just WAY too picky for me to ever please. the shavings would never be deep enough, the turnout wouldn't be enough - or it would be too much, flexibility at feeding time would be frowned upon, etc.

hopefully you can rebuild your friendship after she's settled her horse in a new place. one of the positive things about having a falling out in a friendship, is that when it's mended your friendship will be stronger for it.

(good lord, can you tell i'm way the optimist :) )

[CrazyAlter]

And even though I feel wretched about it, I will feel so much better when it's all over.

I was up all night over this.

[Coreene]

I doubt she was. Don't let her ruin your day, you're giving her far too much control over your life if you do.

[Jennifer Alcott]

...i have a dear dear friend that i will NEVER board a horse for...she's just WAY too picky for me to ever please. the shavings would never be deep enough, the turnout wouldn't be enough - or it would be too much, flexibility at feeding time would be frowned upon, etc.



HEY, you're not talking about ME, are you!?! :D

Oh wait...I don't think you were at my wedding, and I don't have kids, so that can't be me.

Whew!

I'll bring my three right over for you to take care of...

HAHAHA!

JTA

[slc2]

I think the only way to be realistic is to just say 'we weren't getting along', and not blame either her OR you entirely.

No, even given the complaining and the general consensus that she was the one all in the wrong, I don't see it that way. I see it differently. Any time two people don't get along, I don't look at it as 'boy what a jerk that one person was'. I look at it as a TEAM EFFORT...BOTH of you simply did not work things out.

I see NO reason to run the other gal down or pat you on the back. When two people don't get along, it is BOTH their doing.

I very much doubt this was over fifty dollars if she's that wealthy, rather, I feel it was over the price being raised when a lot of things she felt should be done, weren't done. I think the feud is over both of you having very definite ideas about how you want things done, and NEITHER of you being willing to compromise or work it out. Your talk to her in October sounded more like 'this is how it is, suck it up' than 'what can you and i do about this together'.

To some extent, some things can't be changed. Perhaps you couldn't change your work hours. Many people can, though. They can come home a few minutes earlier, or have someone bring in the horses.

And perhaps you could have knocked off a few dollars, and let her bring in her horse and clean her own stall when she arrived in the evening before you.

You both have different values. She seems to want things to be quite clean. With your operation and the number of times a day you can clean stalls, what she wants just might not be that possible at your place.

She felt certain things were important that simply didn't bother you. For example, the horses coming in before their stalls were cleaned, or the horses being outdoors in the dark after dusk.

You were both inflexible. Some of her items were based on untrue things. A horse CAN eat its food in a dirty stall. But on the other hand, customers DO like to come to a barn that's cleaned up, and you'll hear gripes at any barn if they arrive and it looks like stalls aren't getting cleaned. ...and in fact, yes, most customers arrive in the late afternoon, after work or the kids get home.

I've boarded at a great many places, and some people simply do not get along well at the 'family farm'. There just are limitations with that sort of place. Many people just aren't going to be happy with that. That doesn't make them bad, demanding, unfair, unkind, complainy or anything else. It just means they're more suited to a different situation.

[jacksmom]

HEY, you're not talking about ME, are you!?! :D

ha! no it's so NOT you.

i'll take your three anytime - of course you might not be able to get them back.....

:)

[CrazyAlter]

Well slc2 you are partially right. I did not agree to do any more when we spoke. When I raised the board after two years of struggling to break even on board it was with 90 days notice and an explanation of the raise in my costs. I also carefully explained that the level service would not change that the increase was just to maintain the current state of things.

The very month of the raise the questions began #1 how much exactly does it cost to feed my horse each month - I mean she wanted a to the penny itemized printed list - which I provided her. To which she said "This is no where near what you are charging for board". Then I explained that there is shavings, electricity, insurance, supplies, taxes, supplements, etc and I said my 24/7/365 must be worth something as well. She asked for an itemized accounting for those expenses as well. I provided her with a reasonable accounting - leaving a $25 "profit" for my time. Then #2 She wanted to know with the increase if there would be more services than what is outlined in the new boarding agreement because she "added it up and was not seeing the need for the increase :eek: That prompted "The Talk".

Now prior to this there was never a question as to the accounting of MY business expenses. There was never a complaint about my Sundays off of stall cleaning(my big luxury) There was never a question about the horses coming in after dark in the winter or my cleaning as they ate at night.

In November I started dreading seeing her car in my driveway when i came home from work. I would be pounced on even before I could turn off my engine. My work and barn attire are from two different worlds and I have to run in at night and change - 6 times in November I was in my barn in heels and tights and dress top coat FREEZING addressing this boarders "needs" which were nonsense!

When the horses see me come to the barn they want to come in and eat dinner. It was unfair to them to set their expectations so high to be squashed as I had to go in and change.

Was she wrong to expect more? I suppose that is why i feel so bad about this. It was DREADFUL having to raise the board! I went as long as I could afford to before I did it. I suppose the guilty part of me thinks maybe I should have not taken a sick day. Or changed at work so I could jump out and start chores right away. However the bank frowns on stinking stable clothes stored under my cash drawer.

But in reality, she knew I could only do what I had been doing for the last three years for her despite the board raise. The board raise wasn't for "capitol improvements", or to line my pockets, or to do any more that try not to obliterate my savings. I keep ONE horse of my own. I WORK to pay the mortgage and keep my horse in shoes and feed. This is the same way it has been here for the last 12 years. From BEFORE she bought a horse even.

I am sad that my friend is leaving. I will not miss her PITA gelding! He is a horrid cribber. But I will miss our friendly chats over steaming coffee as the shoer trims our horses. I will miss our attempts at trail riding - her horse is a major spook. I will miss the fun we had from 3 years ago November until this October when things hit the fan.

So I believe I kept up my end. The only thing I could never do for her that I really really tried to do was to keep the barn cat off of her saddle. No matter what I did that cat would make a marmalade colored deposit on her baby blue baby pad:( - I thought she should keep the cover on the saddle and her pads in her tack box - but what do I know :confused:

Sadly I will watch her leave this weekend. :cry:

I appreciate all the support. I really do not think she is a "bad person" just a cheap person with a different level of standard and friendship than I have. I am OK with that. When I asked her to go it was with the hopes of preserving our friendship rather than ending it. Since she canceled out of the annual barn New Years Eve party I figure she is wanting to go her own way. She is having a Tupperware party in January that she sent me an invite for in November - her Daughter is a dealer. I said I would go - I think at this point I still will.

Thanks! I will now resume my "real identity" and put this behind me. I have NO desire to fill that empty stall for many months to come!

[abbydp]

"I suppose the guilty part of me thinks maybe I should have not taken a sick day. Or changed at work so I could jump out and start chores right away."

You are not a robot!!! How will you do the horses any good if you run yourself into the ground and can't do it anymore? This is coming from someone who ran a boarding barn and the horses always came first. Before me, before my family, my friends, everything. There were days I was so tired when I left I was sobbing. I basically gave up 2 years of my life and would not do it again. This barn is your thing, on your property, in your life. YOU must come first. You have to take care of youself or you can't do anything. I think you should go to the tupperware party unless something else happens. Treat her like a little kid - when they fall down and you act like it's no big deal they may laugh it off! If you go OMG they cry!!

[BuddyRoo]

Rule Number One: Horse people are crazy.

Rule Number Two: If you don't know any crazy horse people, it's you.

(((hugs)))

Seriously though, I'm sorry it didn't work out...and sorry that you feel like you're losing a friend. But on the other hand, business is business, friends are friends and hopefully if this goes well (her leaving) and you two WANT to be friends, you'll find a way to do that.

[Coreene]

Gawd I hate Tupperware parties. She has the gall to demand an itemized list of your costs and you're even considering going to some lame ass Tupperware party? Sister, it's time to channel your Inner Coreene and write this chick off. She is by no means your friend.

[TB or not TB?]

Wow, Coreene, I kind of want that as my sig line now. :D

[Ambrey]

Wait, is she a boarder or a charity case? Only the later gets the expenses only version. Boarders get expenses, pay for your time, and RENT FOR THE FREAKING PROPERTY THE HORSE IS LIVING ON.

She's living in a fantasy world if she thinks she's going to find any other BO on the planet that wouldn't tell her she could put her itemized printout where the sun don't shine.

[myrna]

We set a reasonable rate for board in this area.There is no way in h*** that i would break it down to a boarder.Saying that our boarders horses are taken care of the same way our horses are,and ours are sleek ,happy,and definitely not underfed.Plus our arenas are maintained 12 months of the year.

[Coreene]

What I ordinarily would have said was "Channel your Inner Coreene and tell her to go f$%k herself," which is what I would have done, but I thought it might be a bit much. ;)

[saultgirl]

I can't imagine stalls not getting mucked on Sundays. Every week?! For many, many years I was on a "self-care" program, and it never crossed my mind to not muck a stall. I missed one day last winter when the entire city was shut down due to a blizzard, and I couldn't make the drive out to do it.

Is that common practice in your area?

[gloryeyes]

What I ordinarily would have said was "Channel your Inner Coreene and tell her to go f$%k herself," which is what I would have done, but I thought it might be a bit much. ;)

Oh, I totally want that in my sig line!

[Woodland]

I can't imagine stalls not getting mucked on Sundays. Every week?! For many, many years I was on a "self-care" program, and it never crossed my mind to not muck a stall. I missed one day last winter when the entire city was shut down due to a blizzard, and I couldn't make the drive out to do it.

Is that common practice in your area?

Your kidding right?

Or maybe it's because you had just one horse to look after :confused:

[saultgirl]

Your kidding right?

Or maybe it's because you had just one horse to look after :confused:

I have never heard of a boarding facility that didn't muck stalls every day. I have heard of skipping Christmas day, but that's it. Around here, boarders who don't clean their stall everyday get kicked out of self-care facilities.

[DawnT]

My barn doesn't clean on Sundays or Holidays either, so I do. Actually, I clean my stalls a lot just because I enjoy the "thinking" time. There are people that don't clean their own and that gags me a bit. It's a family owned place and I really don't blame them for taking a day off. Everyone knows this up front. I have the good fortune to pay a very reasonable amount for board and I want it to stay that way so I pitch in and help when I can. I love to. I self boarded for 4 years and understand the costs. Maybe that helps to appreciate the time and effort that goes into running the place. I don't always agree with their practices but I am certainly not going to rock the boat over little things! Anything big gets dealt with immediately.
I boarded with a very good friend for about a year with a very hard keepers. Our feeding methods differed so much that I left with very skinny horses. We are still best friends even though it was quite tense for a bit. Hopefully you two can get past things and continue the friendship, if you still want to be her friend.

[MistyBlue]

It's not unusual for a boarding barn to have a day off once a week. With the bigger commercial barns that's usually on Mondays...and stall cleaning can be optional that day. Some will close one day a week, still do stalls and feeding but not do turnout and may not allow owners on the property at all. Others may allow owners on the property and to ride but not clean stalls. In that case the owner is usually welcome to clean their own stalls on that day if they wish.
In the OPs case...she isn't making enough to cover help one day a week so she can take an easier day. She still feeds and does normal other care on that day, just doesn't clean stalls. I haven't read anywhere saying that boarders are banned on her day off...if they aren't then there's no reason they can't clean their own stalls. Her day off from stalls is on a Sunday, few people work that day so no excuses to not clean your stall one day per week. And the BO is caring for a whole lot of horses and doing a whole lot of stalls...not just one horse she can drive over to the barn, care for in a few minutes and have the rest of the day to herself.
I see nothing wrong with a BO taking a day off from cleaning stalls when they don't have any other help. 365 days per year of never having a day off gets old fast. Taking a day from stall cleaning still isn't a day off either, it's just a "lighter duty" day. As long as I was allowed to come clean my own stall that day, I wouldn't have an issue boarding in a place like that.

[eventmom]

I run a family barn. I have made it a practice to make it very clear to potential boarders that this is my place, and I do things the way I like it. If they don't like it, they can move on. Period.
This is my house, my barn, and my horses. What I do works for me.
I like to take on an extra horse because I like having four horses on the property. I don't however, need any extra headaches. Got plenty of those already.
We run a very casual affair. But my guys (I treat all the horses as though they are mine), are very happy and healthy. Period. I feed when I want, I muck when I want, I give hay how and when I want. It is not open to discussion. If you want to discuss it with me, I will view it as though you don't trust me. This, in and of itself, is a headache. This does not mean of course that I won't consider special needs that your horse might have. (Not you, your horse!)
I have noticed that people who have always boarded and never managed their own horses full time themselves, can sometimes not realize the work involved. Put that together with that detailed oriented personality, and Ouch. No thanks. "Things can get.... shall we say "particular". I don't have time in my life for that!
And yes, I do have friends with that type of disposition. But I would never board a horse for them! This might account for why she was not willing to help when you were sick. She is simply clueless as to the work involved!
I suspect your relationship with this woman will take a turn for the better now that you are not going to be keeping her precious horse for her. Unless of course she was just using you. In which case she was never your friend, and better to find out sooner rather than later.

[Debbie]

I boarded for years at a barn that did not clean stalls on Sat & Sun. Most of the 60 plus boarders did their own every weekend. Worked out fine until the shavings bin was locked and the stalls were lightly bedded, but that's another story.

CA thanks for a timely thread. Just yesterday I was pondering taking on a boarder to have some one to ride with. I get these spells from time to time and need to learn to sit down and let them pass. :lol: I can't imagine having someone make me uncomfortable in my own home.

[chai]

Crazy Alter, I am sorry you are going through this. There's an old saying, "Money can't buy class" and in the case of your well-to-do neighbor/boarder/friend, it sure rings true. With her complaints and demands of to-the-penny accounting with no appreciation for the time and care you have put into her horse, this woman has caused you more upset and hurt than the other three boarders combined. I hope that after she has been gone a while, you will realize she was more trouble than she was worth. You can't let one annoying boarder take all the joy out of your barn time.
When I had boarders I was proud of the care I gave their horses, and I treated them with the same love/care as my own, so I understand how hard it is to ask someone to leave. If they had special requests that I thought were reasonable, I would try to accomodate them and my barn was open every day and evening. I cleaned stalls every day and the horse got out for all day turnout in every weather. It was all me, with no extra help, and I loved it. However, in many years of having boarders and running a co-op barn, I know how one nasty person or impossible-to-please boarder can take all the fun out of it. It's your home, your barn, your life...it's not like you can leave that annoyance at the office because your barn IS your office. So when something like this happens, you owe it to yourself, your family and your other boarders to make changes.
I had one boarder who I liked very much, and I was very fond of his horse, but when we came home early from a weekend visit with my parents to find that he had taken our truck for a tryst with his girlfriend (he was married) he had to go. It was awkard and upsetting because I am not fond of confrontation, but after he was gone, it was a huge relief not to worry about what else he might have been doing when I was away.

I hope you will find that same level of relief when your ungrateful boarder is gone. Best of luck to you with this decision.

[CAH]

"The very month of the raise the questions began #1 how much exactly does it cost to feed my horse each month - I mean she wanted a to the penny itemized printed list - which I provided her. To which she said "This is no where near what you are charging for board". Then I explained that there is shavings, electricity, insurance, supplies, taxes, supplements, etc and I said my 24/7/365 must be worth something as well. She asked for an itemized accounting for those expenses as well. I provided her with a reasonable accounting - leaving a $25 "profit" for my time. Then #2 She wanted to know with the increase if there would be more services than what is outlined in the new boarding agreement because she "added it up and was not seeing the need for the increase That prompted "The Talk". "


Friend or not friend, she needs a dose of reality. Want to take bets on how many times she moves her horse in the next twelve months????

[eventmom]

I boarded for years at a barn that did not clean stalls on Sat & Sun. Most of the 60 plus boarders did their own every weekend. Worked out fine until the shavings bin was locked and the stalls were lightly bedded, but that's another story.

CA thanks for a timely thread. Just yesterday I was pondering taking on a boarder to have some one to ride with. I get these spells from time to time and need to learn to sit down and let them pass. :lol: I can't imagine having someone make me uncomfortable in my own home.

Debbie, don't be afraid to take on a "good" boarder. Truth is, a good one can make life soooo nice! Just be very careful about who.
We have developed some great friendships through boarding horses for people.
This is one reason why I let the needy ones slide. Life is too short, and there are way too many cool ones out there:)

[trubandloki]

Not cleaning stalls one day per week is not uncommon. There is a place near by me that does not clean them Saturday or Sunday.

I personally always found taking a day off from stall cleaning would make the next day extra hard so it was not worth it. But I can totally see the benefit of a lighter work day.


To me it sounds like it is a good thing this person is leaving. I can not imagine a boarder asking for an itemized list of expenses. That is nothing short of rude.

[findeight]

Oh please...I kept privately and did all my own work at times and you think I held down a "real" job and mucked 7 days a week plus raising a family? Uh uh, no way. And skipping one day hurt absolutely nothing.

Likewise when I have boarded at smaller 1 or 2 person operations, I have no issue with them only working 12 hours a day 6 days a week instead of 7. No problem with skipping Christmas either. If the care is good and the stalls clean and properly bedded the rest of the time it is really not a problem.

Of course, the price needs to reflect that fact when compared to fully staffed places and it needs to be clearly disclosed in the boarding contract.

I once leased a really cute little 2 stall plus tack room barn and took in a friend's horse to help with expenses-posted about that before. Revealed the true nature of a long time friendship.

As I read OPs posts, nothing changed here except she needed to add $50. The care was exactly the same as it always had been, only boarders behavior changed.

[FindersKeepers]

Dear OP,

First of all, you are stretched way thin. I may be wrong in assuming your friend doesn't work...and therefore cannot understand what it is like to put in a full40+ week, and then come home and have barn chores to do. It is for exactly this reason that the friend I keep my retired mare with has asked that rather than pay board, I come out twice a week after work and do the barn chores so she can have 2 nights a week off duty. I also watch the farm for her on the rare occasions that she leaves town, and never hesitate to come out and do the work if she is sick or hurt, or just needs a break! And that's only 2 horses. She's not going to find the level of care you provide, cheaper somewhere else. She's in for a real life lesson very soon.

Secondly, I am a firm believer that people come into and out of our lives when we need it to happen. When you met her, there was a reason, and now your time together has ended. Cherish the moments and lessons you learned from each other and move on with life. People are ever changing creatures...and those changes don't always line up. While it hurts right now, the day she leaves will be a huge relief, and it will get easier from there. Think about it... you probably don't have all the same friends now that you grew up with, may not talk to all the girls you spent your high school years with... that's just life. It's just harder when you make the conscious decision to split the road than letting life take you that way.

BUT rest assured, you are doing the right thing, for your sanity and hers. Leaving will only teach her to appreciate what she had while at your place, and it's possible that she will realize that and try to make ammends. Everyone learns in their own time...

[Knothead]

I'm still in shock that she demanded an itemized cost list from you and that you agreed to provide it! Holy COW. I never would have those kind of cajones. I'm speechless.

[mkevent]

Crazy Alter, I feel your pain. It's very hard to work, manage a farm and keep everyone happy. I totally know what it feels like when you dread seeing someones car pull up the driveway-it's the worst!! I've had similar situations at my farm and I'm guessing that you're probably a "pleaser" type of person-which is why this is eating away at you. When I first started boarding, I'd tried to do everything I could to make the owners happy instead of sticking with my way of doing things. Most people who have never had their horses at home have no clue what it entails. They don't understand how quickly an extra flake of hay adds up, or taking a bag of shavings for their horse trailer costs-until I itemized everything, I didn't either!! The best advice I can give is to stick to what works for you and explain it to your boarders(or prospective boarders) how you do things and that is why the cost is what it is. It sounds like you did that already-maybe this friend thought that the rules didn't apply to her because she was your friend. If it makes you feel any better, my MIL boarded at my place twice and I had to ask her to leave twice!!(talk about uncomfortable!!) With each experience, we get wiser- I now know the type of boarders that I get along with and the ones who I won't be comfortable with-if you're a pleaser, try for a laid back boarder that trusts you-the picky ones are probably best suited for other places. I remember a friend telling me how much she hated the "my barn, my rules" sign-but I would believe most barn owners get to that point from the picky boarders-they just wear you down!! I really believe a few days after she leaves that you will feel a huge weight lifted from your shoulders. Sometimes you can love people but just not be able to live with them. Good luck

[Jaegermonster]

The discovery that you were never really friends with someone can be just as painful as losing a friend.

.

Truer words were never spoken. I think most folks are too free to call others "friends" anyway. I know lots of people, and spend free time with a great many of them, even ride with some, but there are only about 5 people that I truly call my friends.

I'm sorry, CA. I've been there and it really sucks.

[atr]

An itemized report? Crazy b****. You are well out of it. I think Coreene is right on.

I run a business, and I'm always astonished at the number of people who expect to receive everything at material cost, and are amazed and afronted that yes, indeed, I do have to pay the worker's salaries, heat, light, machinery costs, rent, etc. that go into producing the finished product as well, and that I will be passing on those costs to them too, plus, shock horror, paying myself a mite.

Our barn does not muck or turn out on Sundays or holidays. You can get it done by any number of freelancing teenagers, but it isn't part of the contract and isn't done by the wonderful Miguel, who needs the occasional day off. I just do it myself, unless I'm out of town or the weather is too dangerous to get down there.

[spurgirl]

I too, cannot believe this boarder-"friend" or not-demanded an itemized list from you. I would have told her to go to h*ll, and take her nasty cribber with her-Gee, how about the extra headache of a cribber?? Have to replace any boards? I can bet you will have this friend asking to come back within 6 months. To be honest, it sounds like she and hubby are having financial issues, and the stress of that is causing her to vent at you. Good heavens, please tell me, WHAT horse related items have stayed the same in price in the past few years??? Of course boarding prices have to increase.... I run my farm pretty much like eventmom said-My barn, my rules. All the horses are fed and taken care of as if they were my own, and if you don't like how I do things, leave. I used to try and placate everyone, too, but there's just no pleasing some...Your schedule is your schedule, and so sorry, but a horse will survive the "horrors" of a dirty stall here and there, or a water bucket that is only half full...we're not talking horses with elf hooves standing in 3 feet of sh*t, we're talking about a person who provides good care, who happens to get sick, like all of us, once in awhile. OP, believe me, in about a week you'll be soooo glad you gave her the boot. Take care!

[dalpal]

Today I am CrazyAlter because I need a shoulder.

See I asked a friend who is also a boarder to leave because she was always complaining and making me feel uncomfortable walking into my own barn. I was tired of getting jumped every night when I came home from work.

Yes as a paying boarder she gets to complain IF things were not as promised, but they always were. And she never complained until I had to raise the board $50 per month because my costs had skyrocketed!

Her horse - who is a PITA - looks fabulous.

I clean stalls when I get home from work. Lately I have been getting home after dark. So the stalls were not clean and the horses were not in when she came to visit her horse. Nothing has changed. It has always been this way since she has had her horse. Now I hear "It's cold and dark and the horses are still out!" "They are eating in their stalls before they have been cleaned". "My horse can not eat in a smelly dirty stall!" "Haven't you filled the water buckets yet? What if she gets thirsty before you fill them?" Now here I take issue because there is still half a bucket from breakfast. They have had water and hay all day outside. And I prefer to empty and clean the buckets before I refill them, which is so much easier to do when the buckets are only half full. Last week I did not clean on Christmas. In the boarding contract it says I do not pick on that day nor do I pick on Sundays. Then the 26th I was SICK! I posted a note saying I could not pick if the boarders (I have 4 ) wanted to clean their stalls I would pay them as I was very ill. I also emailed a note detailing as such. Well there was hell to pay.

I have not been sick since her horse has been here. Nor have I taken a vacation or day off in YEARS!

Any way I had had enough and I said "Since I can not seem to make you happy perhaps you should move your horse somewhere else."

And now she is. And i am sad. See we are really friends. But no matter how hard I try I can not make her happy. I mean I could see it if her horse was not in fabulous condition. If I misled her about the care I offer - which I have not. If things had changed - but they haven't. I am heart sick over it! We had a heart to heart in October. I told her I would continue to do just as I always have. And that I could not and would not change. She said "OK". But it has not been "OK" in a long long time. I see her in my "neighborhood" every day this will be awkward.

She lives in a fancy house, my place is not. She is particular about her car, her yard, her garden, her tack, her lead rope, her - well everything. I do not have the income she has to afford the fancy things she can. I take great care of what I do have. Admittedly I am not much for yard or garden work. And my tack is older and covered in barn cat paw prints. But I kinda like it that way. My place is the least fancy place on our block. They all moved in around me from the suburbs. But I love my little place despite all it's plainness. I have had the same three other boarders for 10 years or more. We all ride together and work together. This gal has been here 3 years or so. She has been part and parcel of nearly every ride and adventure we have gone on since then. We have gotten along famously. Until I raised the board in October :no:

:sigh:

Honey, you are my kind of person. :yes: I'm so busy and the animal's care comes first.

I think your friend is being a bit unreasonable. I pay 625.00 per stall where I board, and there have been days where the horses have come in before the help has cleaned the stalls....my horses don't care. There have also been days where I have cleaned the stalls myself, simply because I'm there, why not???? I think offering to pay the boarders to clean their stalls is more than reasonable.

Some people are just too hard to please.....sounds like she needs to be in a big barn anyway.

[CrazyAlter]

You have all made me feel so much better about this.

I have realized that her PITA horse has caused about a thousand of dollars in damage to his stall and my fences.

I can not stand him! Her I will miss, but that mess of a poor excuse of a horse I will NOT!

When she was getting more and more belligerent I was thinking how much more bearable it would be if she had a different horse. She thinks he is as she puts it "Marvy"(puke puke puke). I know he is a miserable sack of something baaad! And her skin tight size 22 leopard winter breeches I will not miss either!

I want you all to know I have had mostly good experiences with boarders. I have a simple backyard kind of place next to a good trail system. I bought it so I could ride the trails and having boarders makes it lots of fun.

I have had other people come through here that were slow to pay or never came out or took my tack or borrowed a horse with out asking. A couple of them just moved out when I was at work one day - good riddance! One or two I asked to leave because they bounced checks or didn't pay.

This has been hard, but now I find I am really looking forward to Monday when I come home from work and her car is not in my driveway.

And it's back to CA's quiet backyard barn again! :yes:

Oh I raised board from $150 - where it had been for 4 years to $200 per month

[lilypondlane]

Good Lord! Are you in the US of A?!!! I figured my own horses cost me over $150 per month, which does not include utilities, mortgage, taxes, equipment, fence and pasture maintenance, OR my time. $200 for full care is a bargain, no matter where you are. You can't even get field board around here for anything close to that. CA, you are not going to miss this boarder, believe me, but she is sure going to miss you.

[arizona101]

I can't imagine stalls not getting mucked on Sundays. Every week?! For many, many years I was on a "self-care" program, and it never crossed my mind to not muck a stall. I missed one day last winter when the entire city was shut down due to a blizzard, and I couldn't make the drive out to do it.

Is that common practice in your area?

I too have boarded at a facility that did not do stalls on Sunday as that was the BO's day to go to church , lunch and spend time with family. I did not mind at all as the stalls were cleaned the other 6 days a week and I was told up front that they took Sundays off from cleaning.

To the OP , just hang in there , you were not wrong to raise your board . Sometimes people want 600.00 worth of services for 150.00 per month.

[abbydp]

She's doing all that bitching and she's paying you $200 a month??????????????????????????????????????????? For full board? Really? Wow speechless. You are the deal of the century.

[jengersnap]

You may want to change the title of this thread to "Saying Goodbye to a Fiend and her Bother". I can think of other B words, but I think this is a PG board. :winkgrin:

Glad you're feeling better. Ring in the new year with a better atmosphere in your barn. Awesome. Many happy returns to you, just no returns of the horse and his baggage.

[TheJenners]

You may want to change the title of this thread to "Saying Goodbye to a Fiend and her Bother".
Snap!! Ah hahaha!

[EqTrainer]

"Oh I raised board from $150 - where it had been for 4 years to $200 per month"
--

:eek: Holy crap. I wouldn't LET a friend only charge me that for board. That's not a friend. That's a user. Glad she's moving on!

[minnie]

That's less than I would charge for "self board". good riddance to her!

[saddleup]

How can you do it for $200? Yikes. I did the math on mine with the skyrocketing price of hay and shavings, and the cheapest I could come up with was $300.

[ayrabz]

"And her skin tight size 22 leopard winter breeches I will not miss either! "

:eek::eek::eek: OMG Jennifer...it IS you she's talking about!!!!:lol::lol::lol:

(I'm sorry to hijack, Crazy Alter...just something I knew J would find funny)

I'm really glad you are feeling better about it all----bottom line: finding out a friendship isn't what you thought it was is always painful.

[mkevent]

CA-so glad that you're feeling better-and there's no way I could charge $200per month without losing money!!!! I've learned (the hard way) to:
1.Check references
2.Go by your gut instinct(helps if you're cynical)
3.Don't cut breaks for friends, family,sob stories,etc-you just end up being used(sometimes b/c they don't realize all that's involved)
4.Find a system that works for you,explain it to the boarders and stick with it-everyone is happier in the end. I can't tell you how many times I've rewritten my contract because someone has found a loophole somewhere!
I now have great boarders that I'm happy to see that appreciate how I do things. There are always differing opinion on what's right or acceptable(just check out the horse care forums-I'm sometimes afraid to post there- I think I take great care of my horses but I always feel guilty after reading some of those posts!!) I once had a boarder that seemed ok until her mother also moved in-then kept asking for more and more and more-she actually got mad at me that I wouldn't leave in the middle of a religious holiday to trailer her mom's horse to a vet b/c she couldn't get in touch with her sister(who owns a truck and trailer!) It got worse-kept asking me to bend the rules and I allowed myself to be manipulated(my fault!) until finally they informed me that they were renting their own farm. In the meantime, I started locking up feed, hay and tack because they had dropped enough hints about former places that I had a suspicion they'd do the same to me. It got pretty ugly and on moving day, they stole all that they could-ridiculous stuff-stall chains, cross ties, double ended snaps, stall nameplate holders(I gave them their stall nameplates-which I had paid for) and then they took the cribbing collar off one of my horses (which I found in the compost pile a year later) and let the air out of my horse trailer tires(not enough to tell until you had a horse in it). To top it off, she wrote a nasty message on my personal calendar sniping my religious beliefs and stating "it's no wonder why you have no friends"-people can be downright nasty when they don't get their way!!Funny, this is the same person who bragged(and her mom seconded) that McLain Ward has a restraining order on her for stalking him...I thought she was kidding!! FYI-I did file a police report and the police told me if there is ever an incidence where you suspect trouble, the police will come out and be there while the people leave- I was afraid to confront them so I stayed in the house until they left. Wish I did call the police but I though it might be overkill at the time. There are good and bad people out there-the good do outweigh the bad. I wish we could have some kind of special list of nightmare boarders so small farm owners would have a heads up before going through all the emotional drama-especially when you don't feel safe at your own house....oh well...

[pegasus209]

You've done the right thing. We had a experiences like this also, it's alway a reality check for those people when they learn how much work it is. Hang in there--you are going to be enjoying your barn again in no time!! :yes:

[bf1]

Happy New Year! You will now be able to enjoy it without this boarder! As others have said, and as you know, there are many , many nice boarders who will appreciate all you do. However, I think you should raise the board for the next one that comes in - you should be clearing more than $25 a month. The others can be grandfathered in at the $200 per month, but I would seriously consider charging enough to start saving for repairs, etc.

And I know what it is like to not make much off boarders. I boarded retirees for years, and charged a very fair amount. They are all gone now (to greener pastures), and a neighbor approached me about boarding a pony. We do not need the money, and this family does not have very much extra - so I cut $125 off the normal rate. I don't think he has any idea of the deal he is getting, but they are a very nice family, and it makes me feel good about helping them fulfill a dream. And I still make a little extra to go towards feeding mine. But not if I consider paying myself for the time involved.

Good luck, and enjoy your stress free barn!

[pines4equines]

You know I have a small business and I usually hire teenagers at Xmas time. But I never hire friends or friend's kids. It just never works out. Maybe it could be the same for boarders...

[2ndyrgal]

the world's best boarder. She never complains, she actually waters the arena for us (I have a real job). If she knows I'm running late at work, she brings her own horse in and feeds her. Lately, she's been not only doing her horse's stall, but most of mine as well! ( I have three). I'm having a minor surgery, and have been a bit draggy the last couple of weeks, so it's been a huge help. (yes there was a price break!)

But I don't understand bording barns that don't clean stalls on Sunday and holidays. Wastes more bedding, and takes more time, so it's just lazy. And two days in a row? Honey, if you're sick, and have horses, you suck it up and puke on your shoes or have a back up person.

[ChocoMare]

Been following this thread with interest. CA...you're a good egg. I pay $150 a month BUT it's 100% self care. How you're even doing full care for a measly $200 is beyond me!

Hopefully her departure was peaceful and uneventful.

[partlycloudy]

Agreed...I never leave the stalls for a day. It creates not just twice the work for the next day, but 3 or 4 times. Why create even more work?

[Woodland]

I do not think the OP was preventing anyone from cleaning on Sundays. I think she was merely giving herself a day of rest - geez get off her back - you sound like her troublesome boarder!

[Ambrey]

Exactly. My barn cleans once a day, basic poop scooping. These are horses confined in 12x24 stalls- those who have higher standards simply do the extra themselves.

The barn provides what the barn provides, and you take up the slack as an owner.

[Coreene]

Our stall cleaners get to skip Christmas Day and January 1. Which is just fine with me - they came in the morning on those days, fed, and then came back to feed later. :)

[Ambrey]

Our stall cleaners get to skip Christmas Day and January 1. Which is just fine with me - they came in the morning on those days, fed, and then came back to feed later. :)

Hah, who knew? I thought they just pooped extra those days ;)

[Gray Horse H/J]

All that bitching and moaning for $200 a month? Good Lord. I sure hope that woman is ready to pay a lot more than $200 a month from now on, 'cause I seriously doubt she'll find full care board for that price ever again.

The no stall cleaning on Sundays doesn't concern me in the least. My barn used to have this policy. Everyone was told up front. Boarders were more than welcome to clean and re-bed their own stalls that day, which I did every single Sunday and didn't mind one bit. Kind of enjoyed it, actually.

They hired on another employee and raised board by $20 a month so stalls could be cleaned on Sundays. Fine with me, but I would've been just as fine keeping my $20 and cleaning my own stall.

They also don't do stalls on Christmas Day and New Year's Day, so I do my own. Also not a big deal.

Be happy you're starting the new year minus this boarder. :yes:

[ThatScaryChick]

But I don't understand bording barns that don't clean stalls on Sunday and holidays. Wastes more bedding, and takes more time, so it's just lazy. And two days in a row? Honey, if you're sick, and have horses, you suck it up and puke on your shoes or have a back up person.

Lazy? I don't think so. It's one day. It's not a big deal. The horses won't die and explode if the stall isn't cleaned for a day. :rolleyes:

[CrazyAlter]

Honey, if you're sick, and have horses, you suck it up and puke on your shoes or have a back up person.

:rolleyes: Ummm I do not know what you do for a living - but I would seriously love to know if you "suck it up and puke on your shoes" at your job? :no:


You wouldn't by chance wear size 22 leopard winter breeches would you? Cause you sure sound like you do :rolleyes:

[2ndyrgal]

nope. I run my own business and own a 40 acre farm. I work 9=10 hours a day six days a week at my "real" job, and do all my own barn chores for the 4 we have here. Twice a day, though I admit being a bit under the weather for the last week, so it means that stalls only get done once a day instead of twice. I have one pony at my old trainer's doing the Pony Club thing for the "kids" and a sale horse in Louisville at an eventing barn. I don't have time to puke on my shoes and work way too hard to ever wear ANYTHING in a size 22. Size 10 on my "fat" weeks, Leopard print what?? And the reason I have my own farm? The "basic" care at even the upper end places here (and I'm talking full care over $500/month) was inconsistant, lacking and usually not what was promised. You get what you pay for, except sometimes you don't. You certainly don't get much for $200/month, there isn't any way you can, it simply costs too much. So if you are "doing someone a favor" and doing it on the cheap, you will begin to resent it because you AREN'T making a dime, it takes up your time, it isn't your horse, so yep, your "boarder/friend" is going to bitch. Because probably, when the relationship started, the OP did a bit more. Maybe it was summer, maybe it was more fun, and now, it just isn't worth it, so things get slacked. There are days, when , horror's it's 8pm, I've been up since 5, done morning chores, turned out, gone to "work" til 6, brought in, fed, walked the dog, shut up the cats, and I DIDN'T SWEEP THE AISLE TIL THE NEXT DAY!!! That's really about as bad as it get's here.
Sometimes, I actually have time to ride. This place doesn't pay my bills, my real job does. If I were paying for the service, I would expect it to always be as promised, just like when I order a good steak in an expensive restaurant, I expect it to be as promised. If I order a cheeseburger from a fast food joint, I'm happy if it's warm. I was probably a PITA boarder, but I was paying for that privilege.

[ESG]

More painful, in my experience - because it means that what you thought was there was not real to begin with, or at the very least, not what you thought it was. Either way, it sucks.

Too true. I found out about a year ago that someone I thought was a friend, was submarining me with my biggest client. Things worked out as one would expect such a situation to do, and the client was no loss. But as much as I was pissed at the "friend" for doing what she did, the loss of what I thought was our friendship was very painful indeed. I would not deal with this person again, but it still sucked bigtime. :sigh:

Here's wishing you peace with your "friend" and a good boarder to take her place.

[2ndyrgal]

Just so you don't think I'm picking on you, horses are different, they're like children, you just don't stop taking care of them because "mommy is sick today". I've worked in the horse industry for years, sick, sore, different limbs in a plaster cast, you just suck it up. If you resent that or don't understand it, I'm sorry. I didn't say you never brush your hair and wear beat up tennies to the barn. I take my horses very seriously, in fact, it was a year before I even agreed to take a boarder because of my "real" work schedule. I have a 12 stall barn with only four horses in it right now, glad the other two are "off the payroll" for a bit, because I'd have a hell of a time doing it right for more, even though it would be a bit more money coming in. My real job pays the bills and yes, during the busy season, I work sick, tired and otherwise. Broken bones? Didn't miss a day. Hysterectomy, missed only the day of and one after the surgery. My upcoming tonsillectomy?, We'll see, I might miss the following (anethesia makes me ill to the point of dehydration and seriously low potassium level, so I usually have to have IV fluids for at least 12 hrs after, and talking will probably be painfull, but I'll manage. I have to avoid breathing cold air for two weeks, so I'll get one of those painters mask things and a good ski mask to do stalls. Because, if it's important to you, you just do it no matter how crappy you feel. If you are unable to do it, beg or hire someone else. So if you have to throw out the "leopard print winter breeches" statement, then something hit a nerve, and I bet it isn't the first time you've heard it.

[slight]

I kicked a boarder out a couple of years ago - I thought long and hard, prayed, and was painfully honest about why I did it. It was tough to do! I'm sure I mishandled the situation...

I just wish I had had an inner Coreene to channel when I did it :lol:

[Angela Freda]

This has been hard, but now I find I am really looking forward to Monday when I come home from work and her car is not in my driveway.

And it's back to CA's quiet backyard barn again! :yes:

Oh I raised board from $150 - where it had been for 4 years to $200 per month

Where are you again? I can have my non-cribbing, well mannered horse and my size 26 breech wearing self there Monday for sure! Oh and I generally pitch in when I can because I like doing barn work, let me do chores Sunday for you.

Some people do not know how good they have it. One of the last places I boarded I paid $650 a month, bought my own extra hay, set up my own grain because it appeared they could not remember to add supplements that were already baggied and ready, and often picked if not cleaned my own stall adding my own bagged shavings. I think in the end I paid about $800/month and was there 2 times daily. Neither of those times to ride.

Life is short, enjoy!

[slight]

At the risk of sounding like a Pollyanna - let's give each other a break on the stall cleaning thing!! Healthy happy horses are what's important.

The days I'm sick I impose on my DH...although he only cleans what he can see :eek:

[Woodland]

Geez 2ndyrgal did CA strike a raw never with you or what! :lol:

[Sansena]

Just so you don't think I'm picking on you, horses are different, they're like children, you just don't stop taking care of them because "mommy is sick today". I've worked in the horse industry for years, sick, sore, different limbs in a plaster cast, you just suck it up. If you resent that or don't understand it, I'm sorry. I didn't say you never brush your hair and wear beat up tennies to the barn. I take my horses very seriously, in fact, it was a year before I even agreed to take a boarder because of my "real" work schedule. I have a 12 stall barn with only four horses in it right now, glad the other two are "off the payroll" for a bit, because I'd have a hell of a time doing it right for more, even though it would be a bit more money coming in. My real job pays the bills and yes, during the busy season, I work sick, tired and otherwise. Broken bones? Didn't miss a day. Hysterectomy, missed only the day of and one after the surgery. My upcoming tonsillectomy?, We'll see, I might miss the following (anethesia makes me ill to the point of dehydration and seriously low potassium level, so I usually have to have IV fluids for at least 12 hrs after, and talking will probably be painfull, but I'll manage. I have to avoid breathing cold air for two weeks, so I'll get one of those painters mask things and a good ski mask to do stalls. Because, if it's important to you, you just do it no matter how crappy you feel. If you are unable to do it, beg or hire someone else. So if you have to throw out the "leopard print winter breeches" statement, then something hit a nerve, and I bet it isn't the first time you've heard it.

Wow.. Just... wow

[HighFlyinBey++]

I didn't say you never brush your hair and wear beat up tennies to the barn.

There's a problem with this :confused: :confused:

[harvestmoon]

There's a problem with this :confused: :confused:

:lol:

[2ndyrgal]

of course not. I took offense to the OP insinuating I wore size 20 leopard print winter breeches. (do they make those?) I don't have fake nails either.

[HighFlyinBey++]

Um, I got the impression that the vacating boarder wears the offending leopard print breeches.

OP was not insinuating that you are fat & lazy, just quietly wondering if you were her boarder.

Obviously you are not.

[Coreene]

Hey, no potshots at fake nails, either!

[HighFlyinBey++]

How about we just leave all fingernails out of it? My poor nails have reached the first chemo demarcation line, where they all promptly split down to the nail bed. They're still splitting and in danger of catching on everything & ripping off--including horse hairs as I carefully work to remove the witches knots. I have a couple more weeks to go before the second chemo line is reached.

I have a sad feeling I'm in for months of poor, brittle nails :no:

[UFTemptation]

of course not. I took offense to the OP insinuating I wore size 20 leopard print winter breeches. (do they make those?) I don't have fake nails either.

Aren't breeches sized in inches? So a size 20 or 22 would be very small... At least this is how I've always ordered breeches, in which case I wear a 28 breech... Size 8 (10 on my chubby days) in regular pants... So I personally didn't take the size 20/22 to be implying heaviness.... I do however, don't see how horrible it is to miss one day of cleaning stalls because you are sick. I highly doubt the op did not feed the horses or make sure they had water, and she did say it was the only sick day she had taken in years. Everyone gets sick, as long as the horses were fed, what's the huge deal.

[Ambrey]

My 11 year old, 65 lb daughter wears size 22 long breeches ;)

[greysandbays]

Several pages ago, OP mentioned the cat repeatedly doing something not nice to the boarder's saddle pads... am I the only one who thought, "Hmmmmm -- that cat's trying to tell somebody something?" ;):winkgrin::lol::D

[Gayla]

I used to be more fussy. Now I am a perfect boarder. I would have cleaned the stalls for you if you were sick and probably on Christmas just as a little gift. I love taking care of horses and I love cleaning stalls...occasionally. Sorry you have lost a "friend". I have had a bad year at work and have been surprised by how traitorous "friends" can be. It doesn't make you feel any better even if they are sleezy.

[Chardavej]

Just so you don't think I'm picking on you, horses are different, they're like children, you just don't stop taking care of them because "mommy is sick today". I've worked in the horse industry for years, sick, sore, different limbs in a plaster cast, you just suck it up. I work sick, tired and otherwise. Broken bones? Didn't miss a day. Hysterectomy, missed only the day of and one after the surgery. My upcoming tonsillectomy?, We'll see, I might miss the following (anethesia makes me ill to the point of dehydration and seriously low potassium level, so I usually have to have IV fluids for at least 12 hrs after, and talking will probably be painfull, but I'll manage. I have to avoid breathing cold air for two weeks, so I'll get one of those painters mask things and a good ski mask to do stalls. Because, if it's important to you, you just do it no matter how crappy you feel. If you are unable to do it, beg or hire someone else. So if you have to throw out the "leopard print winter breeches" statement, then something hit a nerve, and I bet it isn't the first time you've heard it.


So are YOU hiring someone else after your tonsillectomy or are you going to "suck it up" and do it anyway "no matter how crappy you feel"? Cause in another post on another thread you said your husband was going to help you after your tonsillectomy, did he not help you after your hyterectomy? Crazyalter doesn't have a SO that will help her. Like you do.

Per your quote from the other thread:

For instance, this evening after a long day's work (I had a unusual day off), my DH came straight out to the barn to see if I needed any help. As it happens, I needed quite a bit of help, as the "old man" aka "Tuff Monster" (24 y.o. TB) needed a bath............When I have my tonsillectomy in a week or so, he'll be the one out there doing the stalls and feeding for a couple of days. I don't want him to ever change. I'm going to go thank him right now in fact..........

And how much do you charge for board? Probably not 200.00. For 200.00 I think Crazyalter is providing services above and beyond the board charge. Now if she charged 650.00 per month.......

[CBudFrggy]

I'm a boarder, who left a good place, clean, safe stalls, nice grass paddocks, b/c the BO was probably bipolar, and most definitely an alcoholic. I used to dread going to see my horse bc I'd have to suffer thru the "drama" of the day, just to spend some peace and quiet time with my horse. One day, she said, "I think you'd be happier elsewhere." And I said, "I'll be out on the first of the month."

What a relief to be able to go see my horse after work w/o having to suffer thru the BO's drama.

And I think I'm a good boarder. I pick my stall at night (therapeutic), empty, wash and refill my bucket, pick up after myself and others, and at the barn where stalls weren't cleaned on Sundays, cleaned my stall and gave Jose a nice Christmas bonus. Now my horse is in a "rough board" situation, pasture with a run-in with three other buddies, so I pick the paddock, wash the horse troughs, and sweep the tack/feed room on Sundays when I get to see my boy.

CA: $200 a month--my horse is available. I pay $100 for "rent" and probably at least $65 a month in grain, and $180 in hay. That doesn't include trimming, vet, etc.

I hope your Monday evening is the best evening ever! Happy New Year!

[CrazyAlter]

That I am not Bi-Polar and I never drink - but it sure sounds like a fun hobby!

I charge $200 because that is what it costs me. I feed Strategy, great hay, use bulk bedding, use energy efficient lights, no indoor but great trails and a dandy tidy little out door, no hired help, low taxes, not much of a mortgage payment, and I like it that way.

The size 22 leopard referral is actually winter stretch pants for a larger woman. Her size is not the problem - I have been there myself. She just always seems to have them on when she is reaming me out. And yes I did think that one poster might be her - or dam close to it any way.

Today was move out day and there was no move :( There was a request for another chance. :sigh: To which I said no - regretfully. She has no where to go apparently just yet.

[dalpal]

Just so you don't think I'm picking on you, horses are different, they're like children, you just don't stop taking care of them because "mommy is sick today". I've worked in the horse industry for years, sick, sore, different limbs in a plaster cast, you just suck it up. If you resent that or don't understand it, I'm sorry. I didn't say you never brush your hair and wear beat up tennies to the barn. I take my horses very seriously, in fact, it was a year before I even agreed to take a boarder because of my "real" work schedule. I have a 12 stall barn with only four horses in it right now, glad the other two are "off the payroll" for a bit, because I'd have a hell of a time doing it right for more, even though it would be a bit more money coming in. My real job pays the bills and yes, during the busy season, I work sick, tired and otherwise. Broken bones? Didn't miss a day. Hysterectomy, missed only the day of and one after the surgery. My upcoming tonsillectomy?, We'll see, I might miss the following (anethesia makes me ill to the point of dehydration and seriously low potassium level, so I usually have to have IV fluids for at least 12 hrs after, and talking will probably be painfull, but I'll manage. I have to avoid breathing cold air for two weeks, so I'll get one of those painters mask things and a good ski mask to do stalls. Because, if it's important to you, you just do it no matter how crappy you feel. If you are unable to do it, beg or hire someone else. So if you have to throw out the "leopard print winter breeches" statement, then something hit a nerve, and I bet it isn't the first time you've heard it.

Holy Cow, perhaps your body is trying to tell YOU something. ;) Maybe this is why taking a day off here and there isn't the worst thing in the world.

You know, to most "common sense" people......here's what's important to me as a boarder....get my horses fed early AM, give them ample hay/water......feed them dinner at a reasonable time and turn them out for the night with reasonable hay/water...and I want a decent amount of shavings in their stalls. Please call me if one of them isn't acting right.

If those basic needs are met.....I could care less if the barn owner or help takes Christmas, New Years, or even Sundays off. Am I an anal owner, yes I am...but I'm anal about what is truly important. Now if someone left my horse in a dirty stall for a week....yeah, I'd be pretty miffed....but one day? No big deal....and I will probably do it myself. And perhaps you missed that the OP even offered to pay the boarders if they wanted to do it themselves.

I'm sorry, there are times where someone IS too sick to go out and clean stalls.....kudos to you for "sucking it up", but as you have posted all your body aligments....maybe taking a day off when you are under the weather isn't a bad thing. If I'm boarding at a barn, I would also prefer the vomiting, fever ridden owner/help to stay home so I don't catch it myself.

There are worse things in life than a dirty stall.......now forgetting feed, hay, water...I'm going to be pissed as hell.....but not going to sweat it over a dirty stall, especially if the owner has even let me know that it's due to sickness.

[Woodland]

Holy Cow, perhaps your body is trying to tell YOU something. ;) Maybe this is why taking a day off here and there isn't the worst thing in the world.

You know, to most "common sense" people......here's what's important to me as a boarder....get my horses fed early AM, give them ample hay/water......feed them dinner at a reasonable time and turn them out for the night with reasonable hay/water...and I want a decent amount of shavings in their stalls. Please call me if one of them isn't acting right.

If those basic needs are met.....I could care less if the barn owner or help takes Christmas, New Years, or even Sundays off. Am I an anal owner, yes I am...but I'm anal about what is truly important. Now if someone left my horse in a dirty stall for a week....yeah, I'd be pretty miffed....but one day? No big deal....and I will probably do it myself. And perhaps you missed that the OP even offered to pay the boarders if they wanted to do it themselves.

I'm sorry, there are times where someone IS too sick to go out and clean stalls.....kudos to you for "sucking it up", but as you have posted all your body aligments....maybe taking a day off when you are under the weather isn't a bad thing. If I'm boarding at a barn, I would also prefer the vomiting, fever ridden owner/help to stay home so I don't catch it myself.

There are worse things in life than a dirty stall.......now forgetting feed, hay, water...I'm going to be pissed as hell.....but not going to sweat it over a dirty stall, especially if the owner has even let me know that it's due to sickness.

No Kidding!

[Ponyclubrocks]

BuddyRoo had it right about 5 pages back. There are wacky BO's ( I had one who was definitely mental...not to mention occasionally drunk and then there was that icky habit of having sex with various delivery men (none of whom were her husband) in the tackroom... I couldn't haul out of there fast enough!!!! And there are wacky boarders and I am sure that in some circumstances I could be considered one of those as I am fairly picky...

The trick to global peace and happiness is just finding BO's and Boarders with compatible craziness! I now board at a facility that I love because we are all wacky...but in a way the works for everyone. Sounds like you did the right thing finally. I would have tossed her out back when she asked for your itemized expenses. (And I think you need to charge more than you do...even with the increase factored in)

Good luck to you

[atr]

The key to boarding happiness and harmony is a set of reasonable rules that everyone has demonstrated that they have read and understood, coupled with a knowledgeable, experienced barn owner/manager who keeps their side of the bargain, and who can wield the iron fist in the velvet glove when it comes to enforcing those rules.

Stick to your guns, CA.

Actually, I think if I ever take in boarders, they will have to be people who have the practical experience of caring for their own horses at home, without assistance, for at least a year, in all weather conditions and through every possible exigiency.

[minnie]

The chances of her finding a place for $200/mo are probably slim and non-existant. By the time you figure in all the other incidental costs, i.e. maintenance and repairs, pasture upkeep, gas and other assorted expenses, you're probably STILL losing money and don't you think you should get SOMETHING for your labor?????? I imagine if you don't give her a "you must be out by such and such date..." she'll still be there 6 months from now or maybe never leave. Good luck.

[saddleup]

Yep, I'll bet she's been out looking for a new place and now realizes there's no way she can match the deal she's had with you.

Stick to your guns on this. She has to go. Give her notice in writing, and add a clause where there's a charge per day for every day her horse is there past the deadline. Seriously, if you don't she'll just stay. It sounds like you're a very nice person, and you'll be tempted to cave in. Print out these posts and re-read them as needed!

[lelevic]

Holy Cow, perhaps your body is trying to tell YOU something. ;) Maybe this is why taking a day off here and there isn't the worst thing in the world.

You know, to most "common sense" people......here's what's important to me as a boarder....get my horses fed early AM, give them ample hay/water......feed them dinner at a reasonable time and turn them out for the night with reasonable hay/water...and I want a decent amount of shavings in their stalls. Please call me if one of them isn't acting right.

If those basic needs are met.....I could care less if the barn owner or help takes Christmas, New Years, or even Sundays off. Am I an anal owner, yes I am...but I'm anal about what is truly important. Now if someone left my horse in a dirty stall for a week....yeah, I'd be pretty miffed....but one day? No big deal....and I will probably do it myself. And perhaps you missed that the OP even offered to pay the boarders if they wanted to do it themselves.

I'm sorry, there are times where someone IS too sick to go out and clean stalls.....kudos to you for "sucking it up", but as you have posted all your body aligments....maybe taking a day off when you are under the weather isn't a bad thing. If I'm boarding at a barn, I would also prefer the vomiting, fever ridden owner/help to stay home so I don't catch it myself.

There are worse things in life than a dirty stall.......now forgetting feed, hay, water...I'm going to be pissed as hell.....but not going to sweat it over a dirty stall, especially if the owner has even let me know that it's due to sickness.


Well said dalpal!

[spurgirl]

Sure, she does! Go to the local feed store, jot down some phone numbers, and leave them on the stall...along with a 30 day notice, with very high per day charges for any days she stays past that... Trust me, you must get her out. Stay strong!! Good Luck!!

[Sansena]

CA: I predict this is going to be long and drawn out unless you stand firm. Tell PIA boarder that for each 24 hours beyond the initial move-out-day, she's incurring a $50 per day surcharge.

Bet she 'finds' another place pronto ;)

[RainyDayRide]

Yep, I'll bet she's been out looking for a new place and now realizes there's no way she can match the deal she's had with you.


Bingo!

[Milocalwinnings]

I can't believe the poster who is b*tching about taking a day off for stalls. It is NOT going to kill the horse to not have it's stall mucked one day a week. Now, it's different if the horses aren't fed that day or something (I have been in that situation before- worked at a barn and suspected the horses weren't getting fed on days I was not ther so I left the grain bin empty. Came back 4 days later to find the grain bin still empty:no: I quit working there and left soon after that)- but in CA's case, it simply sounds like she's taking a much needed day off, once a week and on a holiday. I certainly don't blame her! She even stated that boarders are aware up front that stalls are not cleaned on Sundays, boarders are free to clean their own stalls (and I believe she said she'd even pay them!).

Don't let her drag this out and keep making excuses on why she should stay. I agree with giving a ridiculously high "per day fee" for every extra day she is here. She probably went to check out other barns, and when she realized what a great deal she was getting decided that she was more than happy to pay what you charge... She's NOT worth it!

I've been at my barn for a little over 2 years now, and board is a lot cheaper where I'm at than other local barns. To those who think cheap board = cheap care. That is NOT the case. Do they have fancy extras that I could get at a $700/month boarding facility? NO but you'd be crazy to expect them to and quite honestly, I don't need anymore than what I have now- a safe pasture for my gelding, an outdoor arena (or even a pasture to ride in), and great care by the BO/BM. I try to help out when I can, and would do so gladly if I was ever asked:yes:

CA- if I didn't already board at a great facility (which sounds really similar to yours, except I'm on pasture board), I'd fill your stall in a heartbeat! My gelding is low maintanence, easy to get along with, doesn't crib and I am (or like to think!) a fairly easy going, non-complaining boarder:D

[MandyVA]

Am I missing something or did she only start acting salty when the board got raised? She got called for being stupid about that, i.e., leave if you can find it so much better. And now she is saying she realizes she was wrong...and all of you still want her to get out? Don't you believe in second chances? Haven't you ever made mistakes? Haven't you ever done anything assinine you wished you could take back? Benefit of the doubt, at all? I mean the OP is clearly giving away board and should raise it another 200% but that's beside the point, her "friend", who yeah she may be kinda shallow but nobody's perfect, she f*ed up. She wants another chance. Can't she have one more chance? Man y'all are harsh.

[Sansena]

But in MY horse world?

Once bitten, twice shy Baby.

[stryder]

Keep channeling the inner Coreene.
Unless ... she grovels, sincerely apologizes for how awful she's been, and how she realizes now that she's been unreasonable.

If so, let her stay for 30 days. Any little complaint, any sign that she's back-slid, she's out.

[dalpal]

Am I missing something or did she only start acting salty when the board got raised? She got called for being stupid about that, i.e., leave if you can find it so much better. And now she is saying she realizes she was wrong...and all of you still want her to get out? Don't you believe in second chances? Haven't you ever made mistakes? Haven't you ever done anything assinine you wished you could take back? Benefit of the doubt, at all? I mean the OP is clearly giving away board and should raise it another 200% but that's beside the point, her "friend", who yeah she may be kinda shallow but nobody's perfect, she f*ed up. She wants another chance. Can't she have one more chance? Man y'all are harsh.


I wouldn't......if someone had upset me to the point, that I dreaded walking in my own barn for 200.00 a month, I wouldn't change my mind. Chances are, this woman is simply using CA...she went out and checked out the other, pricier places and decided to suck it up to CA. No one should ever HAVE to give anyone a second chance just because others feel it's the "nice thing" to do.......sounds like CA made up her mind and has decided for her own inner peace that she needs this woman off her property.

I once had a PITA client....I couldn't do anything to please the mother......She felt like she owned me. She went so far as to try and tell me how to run my business.................when I didn't even respond to her email or do anything that she demanded....she finally gave notice and left. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would EVER take those people back. I used to dread hearing the two car doors close at 4pm, because that meant that mommy was coming in too...and I was in my own home. In all my years of teaching, no one has ever been as rude and insulting as the woman and I was glad to see her leave.

[HighFlyinBey++]

I've been at my barn for a little over 2 years now, and board is a lot cheaper where I'm at than other local barns. To those who think cheap board = cheap care. That is NOT the case. Do they have fancy extras that I could get at a $700/month boarding facility? NO but you'd be crazy to expect them to and quite honestly, I don't need anymore than what I have now- a safe pasture for my gelding, an outdoor arena (or even a pasture to ride in), and great care by the BO/BM. I try to help out when I can, and would do so gladly if I was ever asked:yes:

CA- if I didn't already board at a great facility (which sounds really similar to yours, except I'm on pasture board), I'd fill your stall in a heartbeat! My gelding is low maintanence, easy to get along with, doesn't crib and I am (or like to think!) a fairly easy going, non-complaining boarder:D
MLW & I board at the same farm. I want to say ITA to both of these comments! All the horses on the farm look GREAT, even those owned by someone who rarely sees them for various and sundry reasons. They have big pastures, sturdy shelters, hay as needed, and are blanketed in wet winter weather at NO extra charge. I would also help out in a heartbeat if asked :yes:

CA--I have 2 horses, so I think I'm too much for your barn, but both my horses have impeccable stall & ground manners from their show days. Well, Bailey DOES poop down the wall, but it all ends up in one spot for you. I would have cleaned not only my stalls but the entire barn on Sundays & holidays. I used to be a barn manager & never took a day off in 3-4 years, so I know how precious that time is.

Stick to your guns & let your ungrateful boarder & her nasty horse go elsewhere.

[JanM]

I agree-get rid of her now and if she doesn't leave charge her $50 a day. If you let her stay she'll only behave until the second she thinks she's safe. Remember the old saying about give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile? This one is a typical bully and the second she thinks she can bamboozle you into letting her stay she'll be unstoppable. I truly think she found out she can't get anything for the paltry sum you charge and I bet nobody really wants her either. I bet you that she went to other barns, talked about her complaints against you and your barn, and showed what a PITA she is--so all of a sudden everyone wanted a fortune for boarding and developed a waiting list. If you don't get rid of her now you'll never get rid of her, and you'll dread everyday at your own barn. It would serve her right to have to pay a fortune for people to put up with her and her demands. Protect yourself from her or you will regret it.

[Jennifer Alcott]

...And her skin tight size 22 leopard winter breeches I will not miss either...

...The size 22 leopard referral is actually winter stretch pants for a larger woman...She just always seems to have them on when she is reaming me out...

OMG Jennifer...it IS you she's talking about!!!!

I simply MUST know where I can find a pair of these leopard print breeches for myself!!!!!! It is VERY important that I am appropriately attired when I'm reaming out my barn help! If I'm going to yell at myself, it's important that I look good doing it.

Well, technically, my husband is "barn help", too--but in my opinion, ANY attire is appropriate for reaming out husbands, particularly if they are so horribly negligent as to permit the precious ponies to stand in one night's worth of manure! :D

CrazyAlter, you are a saint. DO NOT let this person stay. YOU are not responsible for providing her horse's upkeep at the expense of your sanity.

And I just have to say...there are SOME people in this world who are not happy unless they're martyring themselves, pushing their bodies and minds beyond reasonable limits, and then bragging about doing so. CrazyAlter, this is NOT directed at YOU. It is totally ludicrous to expect someone (or yourself!) to clean stalls while puking, unless the puking is self-inflicted (i.e., a hangover), or when they are sick with a fever. ESPECIALLY if the sick person in question has a good track record otherwise, and ESPECIALLY if said sick/puking person is essentially providing labor for FREE. That is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. People with martyr complexes shouldn't inflict their own neuroses on others.

Yes, I'm being harsh...but as Coreene's sig says (or said?) "SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT!" :)

This boarder/not-so-much-of-a-friend needs to be kicked to the curb.

But not until CrazyAlter asks her where she got those leopard print breeches!!!!!! :D

[CrazyAlter]

They were purchased off of ebay.

Today I came home from work and one of my other boarders had cleaned the whole barn, hay and watered, and set out the evening feed!!!! I feel like I am on vacation! Plus I got off work early! God I love my other boarders!!! Bless their hearts! :yes::yes::yes::yes:

The big dumb wind sucking pig is still in the barn :( Size 22 leopard is no where to be found. :(

OK I will call her tonight and see what is up. I can not let her stay on here. When I can not feel comfortable in my own space - well that should never happen!

I also think people who like to brag about how hard they work through anything just for props are narcissists. I have a co worker who likes to tell me all her graphic medical problems and bathroom habits too. I swear she comes to work just to tell me she finally took a dump :eek: She needs attention in any manner she can get it I guess. I just move away from the coffee station and get back to my cubicle as QUICK as I can! Back toward the aisle just in case she was to elaborate :eek:

No I would not take pride in punishing my body to scoop horse poop - too old too not worth it!

Sticking to my guns and channeling my inner Corrine :D

[Coreene]

Nooooooo, you must channel your inner Coreene. When you channel, you must choose the correct channel, LOL!!! :lol: :lol: Joke, of course! But tell Sistah Leopard Ass that it's time to go. :yes:

[CBudFrggy]

I wouldn't......if someone had upset me to the point, that I dreaded walking in my own barn for 200.00 a month, I wouldn't change my mind. Chances are, this woman is simply using CA...she went out and checked out the other, pricier places and decided to suck it up to CA. No one should ever HAVE to give anyone a second chance just because others feel it's the "nice thing" to do.......sounds like CA made up her mind and has decided for her own inner peace that she needs this woman off her property.

I once had a PITA client....I couldn't do anything to please the mother......She felt like she owned me. She went so far as to try and tell me how to run my business.................when I didn't even respond to her email or do anything that she demanded....she finally gave notice and left. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would EVER take those people back. I used to dread hearing the two car doors close at 4pm, because that meant that mommy was coming in too...and I was in my own home. In all my years of teaching, no one has ever been as rude and insulting as the woman and I was glad to see her leave.

It's called, "Making good mental health decisions." :winkgrin:

Keep on channeling!

[ThatScaryChick]

They were purchased off of ebay.

Today I came home from work and one of my other boarders had cleaned the whole barn, hay and watered, and set out the evening feed!!!! I feel like I am on vacation! Plus I got off work early! God I love my other boarders!!! Bless their hearts! :yes::yes::yes::yes:

The big dumb wind sucking pig is still in the barn :( Size 22 leopard is no where to be found. :(

OK I will call her tonight and see what is up. I can not let her stay on here. When I can not feel comfortable in my own space - well that should never happen!

I also think people who like to brag about how hard they work through anything just for props are narcissists. I have a co worker who likes to tell me all her graphic medical problems and bathroom habits too. I swear she comes to work just to tell me she finally took a dump :eek: She needs attention in any manner she can get it I guess. I just move away from the coffee station and get back to my cubicle as QUICK as I can! Back toward the aisle just in case she was to elaborate :eek:

No I would not take pride in punishing my body to scoop horse poop - too old too not worth it!

Sticking to my guns and channeling my inner Corrine :D

Good on you for sticking to your guns! No one should make you feel so bad, that you don't even like to be at your own barn. She's just begging to stay because she got a dose of reality.

[Milocalwinnings]

CA- any updates? Did you end up calling her?

[ayrabz]

yes...inquiring minds want to know! :lol:
FYI...Jennifer, I searched on ebay for leopard breeches...found none, but DID find too many leopard pants/leggings/tights to mention. They're out there for ya! From satin, to hot pink, to metallic.
You go girl.

[Ambrey]

Did I hear "leapord breeches?"

equissentials has leapord print leather!

http://www.equissentials.net/

You can even get them in maternity breeches!

[BuddyRoo]

I also think people who like to brag about how hard they work through anything just for props are narcissists.:lol:

The wind sucking pig thing cracked me up too.

Listen, you know what has to happen here...at this point, we're just following along for the train wreck and trying to decide if we should get the Crayola Posse together, pack some cheese, and get on the bus.

That's all.
:lol:

She doesn't have a place to go because she finally saw what she considers real board costs. And by "real board" I mean the kind she thinks she wants--not what her horse needs and most likely, it will be LESS than what her horse needs but someone will kiss HER leopard print butt. For a short while. 'Course...she'll actually have to PAY for it.

Boarding can be such sweet sorrow. LOL

I've been in my share of crappo board situations...but it sounds like you're a good egg and it just wasn't a good fit. That's it. You don't have to be a superhero to be a good BO. You simply have to do what you say you're going to do and put horses first. That's it. The thing is, folks who don't know how to put the horses first because they've never done it themselves can ALWAYS find SOMETHING to kvetch about.

It's about priorities.

At this point, if I were in your shoes, I'd draft up a formal agreement to have her sign. The agreement should state that she gave notice on X date and agreed to be off the premises by Y date. Any day after Y date that the horse is on the premises, board is at a rate of say 20 dollars per day to be paid in advance.

After 30 days, that rate goes to something astronomical.

You will continue to provide the care as agreed upon until such time the horse is moved.

Enough already.

[CrazyAlter]

Did I hear "leapord breeches?"

equissentials has leapord print leather!

http://www.equissentials.net/

You can even get them in maternity breeches!


That's Them! The woman second from left even resembles her :eek: in a slimmer form of course :lol:

Coreene Yes I got it :lol:

OK - WSP was still in the pasture when i got home :( I have to call her :no: (channel Coreene....) And get a firm date. I did get a nasty note on the chalk board - the electric tripped while i was at work at the troughs got a skim of ice on them. "No One" tried to fix it - just left a note...:rolleyes: The horses broke through it easily enough so no horse is dehydrated! They are in eating right now in their stalls. I am going to put on the coveralls and go pick in a few minutes.

This doesn't feel like it's over yet. However she is avoiding being here when I am here - which just prolongs the inevitable. We have our weekly evening pasture ride tomorrow - every one comes out and we ride together no matter what with BIG cups of coffee. I wonder if she'll show up :confused:

:no: I hate this. Coreene do you make barn calls :winkgrin:

[RainyDayRide]

You can do it! Just think of how peaceful it will be when she is gone.

In the meantime, be clear on what you are going to tell her when you do talk to her - whether it is a 30 day termination notice or a charge of $50 per day starting immediately, or $25/day 5 days from now or whatever - and be prepared to hand the terms to her in writing.

[mkevent]

Just remember that your farm is your own private sanctuary-no one has a right to take that away from you and you deserve to have a peaceful home!!!Stay strong. Believe it or not, it gets easier the more you deal with the tougher personalities-you learn to stand up for yourself and you can still be nice doing it. Good luck!!

[Wanderluster]

Oh my word, channeling the inner Coreene is the best tip from this thread.
That said my over demanding OCD client and her goofy, lovable destructive horse have been gone for nearly a year. I miss him (the horse) but I still cringe when I see the owner about town in her SUV.
She is now wrecking havoc elsewhere and the dollars she generated were never commensurate with the trouble and emotional price that she cost.
Considering the value that you offered for the amount that she paid I am sure that she is having a major reconsideration moment, you should not.
Good riddance to bad rubbish, this is your home, never allow anyone to make you feel uncomfortable in your "living room". Nuff said. BUH BYE !

[Coreene]

Inner Coreene screams "SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP! PUT IT IN WRITING, SEND IT BY REGISTERED MAIL AND KICK HER UNHAPPY ASS OUT OUT OUT!!!" Keep shouting that to yourself and JUST EFFING DO IT! Girl, life is too short!

[Coreene]

And you put it in writing to protect yourself. Because homegirl ain't your friend.

[ThatScaryChick]

Inner Coreene screams "SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP! PUT IT IN WRITING, SEND IT BY REGISTERED MAIL AND KICK HER UNHAPPY ASS OUT OUT OUT!!!" Keep shouting that to yourself and JUST EFFING DO IT! Girl, life is too short!

Yep! :yes: I agree. Life is too short to deal with people like that.

[simon63]

I keep reminding myself about that saying that goes something like, "If they'll slander someone to you, they'll slander you to someone else..." I had a boarder who made me feel uncomfortable in my own barn. I asked her to leave, and she took 3 of my boarders (who I thought were happy) with her. It took a week to recover- I felt I'd failed until I remembered that she'd complained up one end and down the other about her last barn (that several boarders left at once... and the one before that...)- talk about a light bulb moment. I may be broke right now, but my barn is a peaceful place once more!

[ejm]

Just a quick comment about raising the board until your PITA leaves - DO IT. We have a small farm and have had temporary boarders off and on over the years, ranging from a couple of days to a couple of years. I won't keep them for less than it's worth to me to do the work. If someone doesn't want to pay it, they don't bring their horse here. And if we had a horse that was causing a lot of damage, the day rate would go up accordingly.

IMO you set board rates that allow you to make a little bit and feel good about doing everything properly. You don't try to keep them low for anyone else's sake (except in very unusual or temporary situations) if it means you feel overworked, or you're getting a bad attitude about the amount of work you do for the money.

[ThatScaryChick]

So how are things going CrazyAlter?

[CrazyAlter]

There is no change :( The horse is still here when I got home from work a few minutes ago. It's still light out - so I will clean stalls first tonight - after I COTH - LOL! She did not come out for our weekly coffee in the pasture ride - which was a relief.

I understand from another boarder she is leaving on the 15th for a place that is $450/mo. :eek: She was trying to get this other person to join her :no: So I sent her off an email to call me tonight since she has not spoken too me in over a week. I will NOT tolerate her approaching other boarders!!! Even though they are very very very loyal. Plus I realize now I vastly under charge.

OK - that is all I have. I am pretty down about all of this :(

[ChocoMare]

Oy.

Hang in there baby. Remember: it'll be over soon...it's only temporary.

;)

[ThatScaryChick]

Aren't you glad that you didn't change your mind about letting her stay? You don't need someone like this in your life.

[minnie]

Since she's already over extended her stay, I'd charge her $20/day "short term board". And do you suppose she asked the newly proposed barn for an "itemized list" of their expenses. LOL You're well rid of her and the sooner the better. I'd limit her access to "appointment only" for her final time there. She doesn't need to be spreading her crap to your other boarders. What a lowlife! I think it's absolutely hilarious that she quibbled about your piddling raise in board and will now be paying more than double. He who laughs last laughs best!+

[mkevent]

Keep your chin up-you are doing the right thing. I promise you (as I have had hellacious boarders in the past)-you will feel sooo much better after she is gone! Don't let the guilt get to you-you deserve to be happy and have people appreciate you for exactly who you are.

[trubandloki]

I would think you should be smiling at what she is going to be paying for board at the new place.

I also would not worry about your other boarders leaving. If they follow her it is obviously nothing lost.

[arabhorse2]

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

OP, you don't need to be depressed about this. I believe it's a very good thing.

As Trub said, if other boarders are willing to leave with her, you don't want them hanging around and making your life miserable anyway.

[Chardavej]

Girl! Don't be depressed! I too one time had some boarders leave that I *thought* were friends but found out later that wasn't the case, after she came visiting one day and then cozied up to a new boarder (who had only been here at that time only 2 weeks) and was bad mouthing us.

The new boarder meekly approached me about a week later. Asking me first questions like "So, uh, how good of friends are you with So-and-so?" and I said pretty good friends, not best friends but we do things together, then the next day again she was asking "So, uh, how close are you and So-and-so?" and I raised my eyebrow and asked "Whyyyy?" and she started telling me all these half truths and she was wondering because she was there to pick up a vehicle my husband had fixed for him and her she was saying awful things and that she was wanting her to come to where she was at now. She was thinking what kind of person was she who was acting like my buddy, letting my husband do free work on their vehicle and then bad mouth me to a stranger while standing on her property. She is sort of a BM at a selfcare when she left here so I guess she was looking for some boarders, but to use my husband like that? And then trash talk us on our property while we were doing them a favor?? Needless to say she has not been back nor is allowed back on our property.

Well, that new boarder she was bad mouthing us to is still here over two years later, as are all the other boarders. People come by on occation to ask if we are taking boarders and one of my boarders (she tickles me) practically growls at them that "They're full and we aren't leaving any time soon!!!"

I do have to say I FINALLY have the perfect bunch of boarders, I could not have been blessed with a better group, they are all so wonderful, will help us if we need help, always cheerful and are TRUE horsepeople (they know there is mud when it rains, they know horses can fuss with each other and get the occational ding, they know feeding time varies and it's ok (only about and hour maybe difference)).

It truely was a relief once she was gone, she was so domineering and it wore me out trying to keep her happy. Well, now she has her own place so she can do it how she wants. Feed what she wants and when she wants and whatever else she needs. She can also get her own sawdust, haul and stack her own hay and get her grain. She can also be out there, everyday, twice a day (at least) to feed, water and clean.

You will see you once again will enjoy going back out to your barn. A weight will be lifted off her shoulder. Heck, help her pack!

[Stacie]

Has she paid you for this month? If not, you need to get in her face immediately and demand payment immediately. Then cash the check before she can cancel it.

[CrazyAlter]

No, there has been no payment for this month yet. But we are on the five day count down! If she does not pay I will continue to bill her until she does.

I have very mixed feelings about this. I know I should be more resolute. But we have had so much fun in the past. I just do not like anyone telling me what to do in my barn, and then asking for a detailing of my expenses for it. Still we had fun.

:(

The wind sucking pig is working the boards of his stalls to the nubs today. She refuses to collar him - and it doesn't help anyway. I am tired of accommodating him! We are having a snow storm with bitter cold expected in the coming week. WSP does not trailer well, I wonder how she will move him :confused: I will be working the 15th so I will never know. :no:

I need strength to stop feeling bad about this. I read the Sunday Stall cleaning thread and now I realize that there are a lot of anal HO's and BO's i feel super guilty for taking the day off now :( I always have. If I could not have one day to shop and clean my house I do not think i could have the barn too! The boarders clean their stalls if they wish to on Sundays. And then the day I was sick. Well....I am just not real secure in this.

Just wishing things were different. Back to cleaning the barn!

[Ambrey]

Um, CA, there's a big, big difference between "is it OK to leave a stall uncleaned for a day" and "is it OK for stall cleaners to have the day off."

Because case B does not necessarily lead to case A. As in, if anal horse people board in a place where stalls aren't cleaned on Sundays, they can always pick up a manure fork and do it themselves.

Don't feel bad- just do it.

[minnie]

I used to be anal. I'm not anymore. I've found out that really won't DIE if you miss a day cleaning. They don't even really care. This was a very liberating revelation to me! LOL

[PaulaK]

In my area there are probably eight barns with an indoor arena and a few more without within a few miles of each other because of our wonderful park system with great bridle trails. Very little turnout - there just is no land - horses are stalled unless their owners turnout themselves and you must be present when the horse is out. Board ranges somewhere between $250. and $400. Mostly trail riders.

A few of the barns have a "clean your own stall" arrangement with shavings provided. A couple more clean THREE DAYS a week (yuck!). The remainder take one day off. Those barns don't mind if you pick your own stall but shavings are not to be added.

A few years ago one of the larger boarding barns (maybe 25 horses?) had enough and kicked out ALL their boarders. Gave them a couple of months to find another barn. Most of the other barns were full at the time so there was a lot of scrambling and very unhappy people. Wake up call to boarders in our area!

I would not feel guilty about a dirty stall one day a week - especially if the horses are out all day anyway. Your boarders have it good!

[Woodland]

I used to be anal. I'm not anymore. I've found out that really won't DIE if you miss a day cleaning. They don't even really care. This was a very liberating revelation to me! LOL


Amen - Kick her to the curb - need some help? :cool:

[ThatScaryChick]

Don't feel bad about what other people do. If the horses at your barn are happy, healthy and fed then that is what matters. For some reason, some people have this need to feel superior over others. If they get that feeling over a stall well...that says more about them then it does about you.

[JanM]

CA-bet that if she actually moves her horse on the 15th (very little chance she will) she'll definitely do it while you're at work. Bet that no money will be seen (unless she leaves you a bad check or does a stop payment on it), and that anything that's not nailed down will disappear too. She feels entitled to everything because she a self-centered bully and what she wants she gets.
She wouldn't do her horse's stall on Sundays herself because she hired a very acceptable servant-you.

[RHdobes563]

If she leaves you a check, cash it at HER bank.

[Stacie]

I read the Sunday Stall cleaning thread and now I realize that there are a lot of anal HO's and BO's i feel super guilty for taking the day off now
Oh Honey, for $200/month the boarders an bloody well clean their won stalls on Sunday :rolleyes: For that money you can declare Sunday co-op day and *require* that the boarders clean their stalls that day.
I know a lot of people who will pick their stalls when they are at the barn, just to keep it cleaner.

[Instant Karma]

Get her arse out of that barn. People like her are toxic, which is evident when YOU are feeling uncomfortable walking onto your OWN property. You bust your butt to pay the bills for that place, you are not being unreasonable, aside from the fact that you seriously undercharge. But anyway, get her out. Stop being nice about it. Call her, corner her at the barn, whatever, put your foot down and stop being a door mat.

I know what you mean when you say how crappy it feels to lose a friend, and worse to find out someone wasn't your friend to begin with. I had the same thing happen on a pretty grand scale but not with horses. I drag race, and my car is now on it's FOURTH motor. Motors TWO and THREE were sold to me by someone whom I thought was my friend. My original setup had finally crapped out on me after a couple of pretty heavy racing seasons, my tuner was going through some troubles, so "friend" who had just partnered up with a shop of his own told me to bring my car there and he would do right by me. I wasn't wanting special treatment, just honest treatment that one would expect from a friend.

Well, he overcharged me for the first motor, that took him NINE MONTHS to get done, and it lasted one month before my car was on the flat bed back to him. He blamed my tuner's work for it, and said I needed to get new heads for the motor. I did this. They were expensive. He puts motor number three together. It ran like crap. So I hardly ever drove the car let alone bring it to the track. All through this process, the warning signs were there, everything said DANGER DANGER, but I kept not putting my foot down and let things spiral out of control. All of this because I thought he was my "friend" and felt badly about calling him out on anything. I just tried smoothing things over when I could and tried to be diplomatic. EHHHHHHH wrong answer.

Shortly after I got my car back we moved from NJ to PA and became friendly with our neighbors who have a shop. They found pieces from another set of heads in my oil pan. My "friend" sold me a motor that had been on another car and had been blown. It was heartbreaking to think that a) my "friend" knowingly did this and b) he had never been my friend at all. $13k later, we've found so many gremlins and misrepresented parts on my car, it burns me up. All done by someone who passed himself off as my buddy ol' pal for 2-3 years before he ever decided to get involved with his own shop. And then he screwed me over royally. Not to mention, he was putting my safety on the line, motor #3 crapped out on me in a left hand turn lane at a busy intersection. I sat in the middle of the intersection until people showed up to push my car. What a GREATTTTTT friend.

I learned a big lesson. I need to look out for ME and MINE. Friends are people who support you and do right by you. Anyone who doesn't, needs to be dismissed from your happy place IMMEDIATELY. If I had a back bone at the time and stopped this when I first got a bad feeling, I could have saved myself a lot of money, time and stress.

Get this biotch out of there before she causes you more stress and heart ache.

[Chardavej]

Well, almost there, two more days and you will be at peace. Trust me, you will. And if she really is your friend, you will still ride and do things together. But I don't think she is. Let her go, it's just not worth it. Too many others out there who would make a better friend.

[BoldChance]

I need strength to stop feeling bad about this. I read the Sunday Stall cleaning thread and now I realize that there are a lot of anal HO's and BO's i feel super guilty for taking the day off now :( I always have. If I could not have one day to shop and clean my house I do not think i could have the barn too! The boarders clean their stalls if they wish to on Sundays. And then the day I was sick. Well....I am just not real secure in this.

Just wishing things were different. Back to cleaning the barn!

Oh poo. Take sunday off, and hiking the board 50 bucks? At those rates? I wouldn't even blink.

I want a place like yours to board. Actually, I'm at one, and I really like it. Unfortunately, the owners are elderly and making noise about selling....partially because of the two, she does all of the chores. She also has a degenerative eye condition and basically cannot see. I accomodate by checking all the pens on a regular basis - just glancing through and letting her know if anything is overly off. She doesn't really need it, though...she can tell if something is wrong with a horse just by breathing the same air.... seriously.

I dread the day they sell, because who knows if board will still be nice, easy going, laid back, and affordable. I love boarding at backyard facilities with flexible schedules, no politics, and just somewhere cheerful to hang out.

How about you pack up your little parcel of land and move to my neck of the woods? ;-)

Hope she leaves soon... you hardly need the grief.

[CrazyAlter]

We are having a blizzard here today and dangerous cold is expected for the rest of the week. I was "notified" today that the WSP would be leaving Wednesday - weather providing. And that board has not been paid because she was unsure of how long it would take to get her guy moved. Knowing how horrible he is to load and haul I am glad I will be at work! I almost asked her to stay today - but that would be WRONG! :eek:

Come on Wednesday!!!

[seeuatx]

I need strength to stop feeling bad about this. I read the Sunday Stall cleaning thread and now I realize that there are a lot of anal HO's and BO's i feel super guilty for taking the day off now :( I always have. If I could not have one day to shop and clean my house I do not think i could have the barn too! The boarders clean their stalls if they wish to on Sundays. And then the day I was sick. Well....I am just not real secure in this.

Just wishing things were different. Back to cleaning the barn!

CA- Can my retired boy come live with you... he doesn't windsuck and he is fairly neat most of the time (though he does bury poop). Heck, for what you charge I would gladly do my own stall 5 days a week (I'd say 7... but my schedule is sometimes tough). Do NOT feel bad for taking a day off... no one is stopping your boarders from doing their own and your price reflects that (BTW I used to pay $350 for partial... BO fed, Boarders worked out a TO schedule, and we all did our own stalls 7 days a week/365).

Hope Wednesday comes soon for you!

[trubandloki]

Wednesday is almost here!


CA - your cleaning six days per week is just fine. Do not let this crazy boarder and a silly thread here change what sounds like a wonderful board situation.

For what you charge I am sure your boarders are happy that you clean at all.

[STNS]

Has anyone else suggested making sure you have this month's board in hand before she leaves the property? I get the feeling that if she leaves, you're never going to see a penny of it...

[gieriscm]

Has anyone else suggested making sure you have this month's board in hand before she leaves the property? I get the feeling that if she leaves, you're never going to see a penny of it...

QFT. Demand cash.

[CrazyAlter]

I came home early from work today and the horse is gone! Plus there was a check for the balance of the board plus an extra $200(which I will cash at her bank).

I am glad the WSP is gone - but I still feel sad - sorry I can not help it. I do not know where she went, I will not try to find out.


Thanks so much to everyone who rode through this with me - I hope you know how much I appreciated all your input!

[RainyDayRide]

Congrats!

and after you've cashed that extra $200, use some of it to buy a bottle of your favorite wine or a box of extra-good chocolate and celebrate the return of peace in your barn.

[JanM]

Celebrate after you have the cash in hand. (OK I'm a little paranoid).

[dalpal]

Celebrate after you have the cash in hand. (OK I'm a little paranoid).

If you can, cash it at her bank....if it's bad, at least, you aren't out check fees too.

[That's Amore]

Cheers! I've been following the whole thread, and I'm so happy that you'll be at peace once again!

[knitgirl]

I've been following your thread. So glad it seems to have ended well. (Guess we won't know for sure until the check is cashed).

[Come Shine]

I came home early from work today and the horse is gone! Plus there was a check for the balance of the board plus an extra $200(which I will cash at her bank).

That must be such a relief. Whewwww. Congrats.

Why do you think she left an extra $200 if she put up such a fuss about the raise in board?

[2 tbs]

I've read this thread and almost posted a couple times but kept getting busy and never got around to it.

How nice it must be to know you can enjoy your barn again! However. I'd feel bad about the extra $200. Not really considering the hassle she put you through but if you didn't ask for it and you don't necessarily require it should you keep it? I mean, she probably left it spitefully and if there is any hope you may find your friendship again (assuming you want to) then I might be inclined to give it back. It would be a good start to the "I didn't ask you to leave because I don't like you but rather to save our friendship we needed to not do business" conversation which would break the ice so your friendship could heal.

Then again. If you aren't concerned with being friends with her any more then by all means keep it ;) Use it to help buy feed/shavings/treats for the barn and use some to pamper yourself - you all deserve the special treatment :D:yes:

[minnie]

I don't think she left extra "spitefully", but more than likely apologetically. I think when she started checking around she finally realized what a good thing she had, how totally uncompensated OP was for her efforts and more like a "tip" for the good care her horse had received there.

OP, remember the good times. Within a week, you'll realize how much happier you are with her gone and the stress level will drop considerably. And remain open to any friendly overtures and if she is/was truly a friend, the bruises will heal and the friendship will return on a healthier level. And I agree, either a good bottle of wine or a HUGE bowl of chocolate icecream! Enjoy the peace.

[RainyDayRide]

However. I'd feel bad about the extra $200. Not really considering the hassle she put you through but if you didn't ask for it and you don't necessarily require it should you keep it? I mean, she probably left it spitefully ...



or she may have left it as an atonement for her behavior now that she's learned what other places charge.

Cash it - it's yours to do with as you please.

[ChocoMare]

Well praise the Lord and pass the cornbread! :lol: :D :) :winkgrin:

$200 will go a long way to having a nice barn party for your good boarders :yes:

[trubandloki]

I look at the $200 as 30 day notice money. It is not like the x-boarder gave lots of notice about which day the horse was going to leave.

So it sounds like the check paid for the days used plus 30 days notice.


CA, I am sure you will quickly start enjoying your place again. Hopefully in a few months, if you want to be friends with this person again, you can go back to being casual friends.

[mkevent]

CA-I'm glad the ordeal is over for you. I've had tough boarders in the past and I've always felt guilty when it didn't work out-what could I have done better, different, etc? I think the extra money is because she realized how expensive horses really are and she was being fair about it-maybe that will open the door on resuming the friendship later on a different level(not as a boarder,though!!). I have truly wonderful boarders now because I got better about explaining what my services include and picking boarders who regard horse care the same way I do. Don't let some of the threads posted here get to you-I don't do night time check and you'd think I should be shot because of it!! I've had boarders get upset because I started locking their horses out of the stalls for the day (in nice weather) because then little muffy can't walk in to urinate and drop manure(and then walk back outside)!! Every one has such different ideas on what it acceptable and not acceptable-all you need to do is find people who agree with your philosophy and appreciate the services you provide for the price you provide. I charge $400 per month and when all is said and done, I average minimum wage once I meet monthly expenses-this does not include major maintenance and repair costs. Why would you do all the work for less than that? Charge what you think is fair for what it costs you and what it entails in labor and then don't feel guilty!! I wish you peace of mind and I think things will only get better for you.

[STNS]

The cynic in me sees it as her trying to get back in your good graces, so that perhaps when she has a hissy fit at her new barn and they kick her butt out she can come back to your place.

Either way, it should help fix some of the damage WSP has done!

[Mini_Whinny]

Been following this thread and kudos to you for sticking to your guns.
What I think is hilarious is that I bet she is royally kicking herself in the butt for complaining about $50 and now it's going to cost her $200 more elsewhere. What an expensive complaint that turned out to be. :yes:

[ESG]

Several pages ago, OP mentioned the cat repeatedly doing something not nice to the boarder's saddle pads... am I the only one who thought, "Hmmmmm -- that cat's trying to tell somebody something?" ;):winkgrin::lol::D

Agreed. Most cats are wonderful judges of character. My sweet MayMay, who lived to be 19, made a habit of peeing on the down jacket of my then-significant other. He turned out to be a royal pr!*k, and I finally copped on, but the cat knew about 3 years sooner than I did. :winkgrin:

GOOOOOOOD kitty! :lol:

[JanM]

I agree with STNS-she only paid up and left extra in case she gets the boot and wants to move back. A big Hell NO would suffice then.

[Woodland]

$200 - sounds like some new boards to replace what the wind sucker damaged.

[jeta]

I look at the $200 as 30 day notice money. It is not like the x-boarder gave lots of notice about which day the horse was going to leave.

So it sounds like the check paid for the days used plus 30 days notice.


This was my interpretation as well.....This may be her attempt to keep things businesslike.....OR maybe keeping her options open for the future...

Any chance she has been following along with this thread and is a wee bit remorseful for her behavior?

[Jumphigh83]

OR so she can gossip with others about the EXTRA she gave you out of the "goodness" of her heart..sheeesh...It is so sad when one person (you) thinks that they have a friend in a boarder (her) and then they up and stick it where the sun doesn't shine...you are suffering because you were invested in the friendship...she is NOT suffering because she was using you (as a place to keep her horse). I had one take off and stick me with the 500$ bill to fix the saddle she ran over with her truck (that SHE put by the bumper)...that was a "friend" of twenty or more YEARS! Little did I know that it wasn't at all about a friendship and for her it was an advantageous(for HER) business arrangement and when things weren't to her advantage she packed up and left. Well NOW I am glad for good riddance to bad garbage but it was a painful realization for sure! Time will put this all in perspective for you as it has for me....good luck....and sooo sorry!

[Kate66]

Agreed. Most cats are wonderful judges of character. My sweet MayMay, who lived to be 19, made a habit of peeing on the down jacket of my then-significant other. He turned out to be a royal pr!*k, and I finally copped on, but the cat knew about 3 years sooner than I did. :winkgrin:

GOOOOOOOD kitty! :lol:

I thought you said "I finally copied on" and fleetingly had these images of you peeing on your ex's jacket!

[jengersnap]

Exhale.

Great to hear you have your peaceful enviroment back. :yes:

[Sansena]

Why do you think she left an extra $200 if she put up such a fuss about the raise in board?


Guilt.