Update: She's Gone...How did You Spend Your Final Days Together?

[myhorsefaith]

I need some help, as always. Faith of Myhorsefaith is not doing so well. She's an 8 yr old ottb who has been pretty progressively lame for about 4 years now. Arthritis. She's been able to motor about, and even frolick on good days, having relatively comfortable summers. We've been through the ringer of in work, out of work, and for the last year, she has not been ridable at all.

Alas, the cold and wet days have arrived, and 3 weeks ago, my darling mare stopped eating. First it was every few days, and soon progressed into every day. If she eats 30% of her entire food ration, it is a lot. :(

Vet came out, did the overall check, teeth check, sand-in-poop check, CBC panel, etc, etc, etc. Blood results came back and she's definitely stressed out, but not sick. We think she may have ulcers. And we think she has ulcers because of pain. In my 5 years of knowing her, she's never been off her feed with 1 exception when she colicked in her first year.

She's just exhausted and depressed. She's not ever going to get better, even if we could diagnose and heal existing ulcers, she's still facing a lifetime of painkillers, which means ulcers can reoccur. And for what? And so, before her dignity is truly lost, i've decided to help her cross the rainbow bridge.

That's the short version, I won't bore anyone with more details- and there a lot of them that make up the past 5 years.

Not sure when it'll be just yet- scheduling will happen tomorrow. So i suspect to have a few more days, or even a week or so to be with her.

So my question to you all- for those who scheduled their horse's euthanasia, what did you do during the wait time? Anything special? Just business as usual? I mean, she's pretty dirty right now and I'm thinking about keeping some of her tail, but that means i need to wash it and then, when it is time, how much do i take? I dont even know if I'll be able to wash her tail without breaking down.

I go through spurts of feeling like this is completely unreal, to bawling like a baby. I question what i'm doing. but when I see her in the flesh, I know the its the right decision.

I've euth'd horses in the past, but for some reason, this mare is really taking a toll on me. She's my first rescue, for one. She's also been the only stable thing in my life since I moved out here, 3000 miles away from home. She's my family out here. :cry: It is going to be tough, but when I look past the actual euthanasia day, I feel a sense of relief and peace for the both of us.

[joharavhf]

I am so sorry for you losing your friend in the upcoming days. I was not able to say a "proper" good bye to my old boy who passed away in June after a quick and nasty bout of colic. If I had had a few more days.....

I would have spent extra time with him, just loving him, scratching him, petting him, grooming him. I'd give him all the treats he wanted. Most of all, I'd probably just sit and stare at him, trying to commit to memory every little thing about him. It's funny. I had him for 26 years, and it's so hard to VISUALIZE him - just 5 months after his passing :( I'd take pictures. (I have a ton of pictures.)

As for taking some tail. You don't have to wash it right now. If it's too cold, don't put her through it. You can take a LARGE clump of it (24" and a big handful) after she has passed and then wash it.

After my boy passed I was extremely irrational about things. He was euthanized in our sand paddock where I was "walking him" - and I say "walking" in quotes because he wasn't walking, he just kept rolling getting up, rolling more - I couldn't stop him. Anyways, I wanted NO SAND on his body, and of course I couldn't get the other side. So my daughter and I brushed his whole entire side that was exposed. He was clean on oneside at least.

You might think what you'd like her buried with - I buried him in his special show halter. I attached a few of his champion ribbons to his halter. And when they layed him in to the hole, I had them place his special fleece blanket over him.

I hope some of these ideas can help you through. It must be an incredibly hard time for you. I am thankful that I didn't have to make the decision, but I wish I had just one more day with him.:(

[regeventer]

I am so sorry.

When my horse in high school had to be put down, I was devastated. And he was "THE ONE" - we were very connected. I spoiled the bejesus out of him, and on the actual day braided his mane and tail, went for a bareback trail ride, and rode him to the place he was to be buried.

I was so glad he looked SOOO handsome, and I wish I had save some tail hair.

Do make some jewelry out of that tail hair - there are many websites you can go to for that - many neat bracelets and necklaces.

Thinking of you!

[chai]

I am very sorry that you have to say goodbye to such a special horse, but if she is in chronic pain and there is no hope for recovery, your decision is a kind one.

Mr. chai and I have taken in many, many old, infirm or broken down horses throughout the years, so we have been through the euthanasia process more times than I would like to remember. But I am a firm believer that is really is the kindest thing we can do for our animals when all is lost.
We had to say goodbye to a very special pony this past summer. Delilah fought laminitis and metabolic disease for four years. She had a recurrance within months of xrays that showed a miraculous recovery. The setback was accompanied by sinking of the coffin bone, and x rays taken on a Friday showed no hope of recovery. For the next 24 hours, we padded up her feet with 4'' foam, filled her with painkillers and let her do everything she hadn't been able to do for years: go out on grass, graze with her boyfriend, Bear, eat candy, carrots and treats galore. It was a terrible loss for us and I miss her. But I know we did the right thing, and the sadness of her loss is tempered by relief that she is no longer in pain.
Here she is cuddling Bear. I think they knew this would be the last time:
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y97/eastmeadowfarm/DSCI0011-1.jpg

So my advice toyou is to do all you can to enjoy the time you have left with your girl. Spend lots of time grooming her, loving her, giving her treats and keeping the pain at bay as best you can so she can enjoy her final days. You were very good to rescue her, and you are showing great compassion by allowing her to go peacefully.
((Hugs)) to you at this sad time.

[Haalter]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is, and it's heartening that you are sensing relief in your choice - just confirms that you are making the right decision.

I just put a much loved horse down, and before I did, I let him do as many of his favorite things as I could manage. He still had an apetite, so he got to eat a ridiculous amount of treats and sweet feed. Maybe your mare would enjoy eating something that is not part of her regular diet? My horse was a thin skinned TB who HATED to be groomed, so the last few days, there was no brushing, and he got gloriously muddy without me having to worry about him getting scratches. And I agree that you don't have to wash her tail right now - it will be okay to do it after you cut it. I'd put a ponytail elastic at the top of it once it's been cut, and wash, condition and let it dry like that. I did that with my dirty guy (he also hated baths) and it worked out fine.

Hugs to you, and wishing for peace for both you and your mare.

[Percheron X]

I had to put down one of my horses recently. I don't believe in making too many changes to their daily routine. Horses love their routines, and I wouldn't feel right doing anything that might make the horse feel confused. I did feed him many treats in the days prior to his time, but not too many as I didn't want him to colic. All my horses are loved very much, and I make sure they all know that every day anyway, but I did wrap my arms around him and hold him for extra long moments. And when his time came, I held him just before the vet took him, and I told him that I loved him. Later that day after he was gone, I was in the room where we keep the horse blankets, and I suddenly found myself hugging his turn out sheet while sobbing uncontrollably. It's funny how you get all the things done that need to be done and as soon as you have time it all just pours out of you. All I can say is just make sure you have said everything you need to say to her before it is her time. Horses may not know exactly what you are saying, but they can sence how you feel.

[LockeMeadows]

I put a very special girl down last year and was afraid I would regret it after she was gone. I made a video of her limping down the aisle on one of her "bad" days to remind me of why she was put down. If I ever question if I did the right thing, all I have to do is watch 3 seconds of the tape and my heart settles. She's in a much better place and I know she's waiting for me at the rainbow bridge.

[JRG]

I am sorry, it is a tough decision. I didn't really do anything different. I still groomed everyday, we couldn't do much else because it was painful to walk. The night before, I went up to the barn after closing hours spent some time, and sniped a piece of tail and my husband drove me home.

The next morning, my coach gave him the biggest "sweet feed breakfast", I am sure he must have felt right then and there he died and went to heaven (he didn't usually get that). She also went to take a piece of tail for me, but noticed...some was already missing. It was a sad day, and I still miss him..he was a cool horse.

Remember there is no right or wrong. Do what makes you feel better.

[EqTrainer]

First of all, big hugs to you. Even tho' you know it's the right thing to do, it's always so hard :sadsmile:

One thing I wanted to say (haven't read the whole thread so apologize if this is redundant) is I would short schedule it (two or three days) and then make her last days comfortable. Injectible banamine, a high dose of MSM and whatever else it takes. Feed her whatever she will eat happily, even if it is two bags of carrots. Spend as much time with her as you can. Have everything lined up so when the vet comes it is 1,2,3 she's gone and buried/picked up and you can "be done" with that for the moment.

She appreciates you giving her a good death. Hang in there.

[BelladonnaLily]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any real advice for you but just offer my thoughts and prayers.

Try to focus on the fact that your mare is unbelievably fortunate to have an owner like you. So easily, she could be in a home that would just let her suffer and not think about her best interests. Or worse. Instead, she has received wonderful care and has an owner who is willing to take her pain and make it her own. What a wonderful gift you're giving her.

[Becka]

If I would have had more time: Here's what I would have done:

I would have spent "more" time grooming her, and most important of all.....I wish I could have gotten some more pictures of her. Like a picture of her face....I have those confirmation pictures and pictures of her grazing in the field. However, I wish I could have gotten some of her pretty face and pictures of just "her"....you know?

I do regret that I don't have more pictures of my girl.....spend time telling her how much you have loved having her in your life, and I agree with other posters....get some tail hair as well.

Hugs to you! [and to your girl] Take care in knowing she won't be in pain any longer and know you've done the best you could for her.

Take care.
Becka

[abbydp]

I am so sorry for your impending loss. As hard as it is, you are doing the right thing. She is very lucky to have found someone as strong as you, not only to be brave enough to know it's time, but also to have given her what sounds like an amazing life. The 2 I have lost went quickly, one without even a moment to think about it. The last one, the pony I grew up with, we had about 3 hours in a trailer. I just studied him and his face and went through all of our good times. I told him how brave and beautiful he was, and how happy he had made me. If there is anything she really enjoys, let her do that. Try not to wait too long. The longer you wait, the longer you have to question your decision. I will be thinking about both of you this week. She will have great company on the other side of the bridge :(

[Pookah]

Hugs to you--what a tough situation. First of all, I hope you take strength in knowing that you have done the best for this horse in rescuing her, keeping her as comfortable as possible, giving her some good years, and then letting her go when it's her time. Many horses are not so lucky; you should feel good about knowing that you have done this for her. Second, I've never had the experience of advance scheduling, so I can't say what has worked for me, but I think I would want to spend some time grooming, hanging out in the stall, spoiling her a little bit, etc. I always love the idea of feeding the laminitic pony a huge bucket of grain as the vet is standing at the ready, after they've been denied stuffing themselves all those years. Sounds like that may not be an option for her, but maybe there's some treat she usually isn't allowed and could have? You might also check with the vet about Banamine or something that might keep her comfortable for a few days on a short term basis. As for her tail, definitely save some. I would consider if you would rather cut a piece off before or after; I have done both, and I have to say I have better memories associated with the bracelet when it was done before the horse passed. But that's a personal thing; either are fine, and if the missing chunk will bother you for her last few days, that may not be the right choice for you.

[myhorsefaith]

Thank you all, for your kind words and suggestions. This is really difficult for me, for so many reasons.

I've been spending time with her each day, hand grazing/ walking about, which she loves to do. She used to love to go in the arena and roll 50 thousands times and then kick it up, snorting the entire time (quite hilarious, that is one thing i wish i had on video, sounds like a freight train, LOL), but now she just ambles around the arena, and will maybe roll- but usually not. :( And she digs, a lot. Normally she's too spunky and doesn't have time for such things, but now all she does is dig everywhere.

The only thing she will eat is senior feed, so she's been getting amounts of that. At this point, I guess she can eat whatever she wants.

This is also sad, but I guess its just the way horses work...her best friend, ehm, cling on, my other rescue, Cassie, is ignoring her. Cassie has used Faith as a mother/big sister. They are ALWAYS together- you'd think they were tied together. But as of last week, Cassie has distanced herself, and taken to being friends with my morgan gelding- the girls collectively always ignored him. Very disturbing. And then yesterday, because of an accidental paddock swap, she had a chance to befriend a new tb mare, about as bossy as Ms. Faith. Cassie took to her like a foal takes to mom. Seems so cruel for her herd friends to ignore her like that, but I guess that is pretty normal?

On the bright side, i was really worried about Cassie when the time came to put Faith down, because of the incredibly close bond they had. But it seems as though Cassie has done the job for me :cry:

I have to call the vet this morning. This may sound sick, but I hope I can organize for this to be done as soon as wednesday. It'll be less wait time, but selfishly, it'll give me 4 days to collect myself before returning to work. Plus, i'll be distracted with thanksgiving, which may help.

I do like the idea of taking her tail before she leaves her body. So thank you for that suggestion.

And I thought about it last night, and I think i'm going to reserve her "spot" for ottb's. When I'm ready, I'll rescue another needy ottb. Sort of in memory to my athletic princess.

So this year, I am most thankful for being able to help out my mare in her time of need. That, and for COTH, who is just about the only community of people who understand what it feels like to have to do this.

[myhorsefaith]

Oh yes, and photos...you know, last summer I had the pleasure of getting some amazing photos of her. And right now, as much as i'd love them, I dont want photos of her depressed face. She's not the same horse anymore.

So the following are of her and her best friend, Cassie, playing in their pasture. Faith is a total "nature girl"- loves all things dirt. Not prissy, like her appy friend who refuses to dirty herself. LOL.

I have the big files of these, so maybe I'll pick a couple and get them framed. I've been meaning to anyway.

Here you go, Faith:

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120444.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120463.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120462.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120452.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120473.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120474.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120493.jpg

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/P1120515.jpg

And the whole album: http://s20.photobucket.com/albums/b216/myhorsefaith/Pasture%20Girls/?start=0

[pintopiaffe]

but when I look past the actual euthanasia day, I feel a sense of relief and peace for the both of us.The day I put down my old Trak mare, I bawled, of course, but the sense of relief was palpable. THAT of course, made me feel guilty. Until I arrived home (had to trailer her) to find Three of the four of her pasturemates--including her weanling son and her 2yo daughter, flat out asleep in the sun. They should've been pacing the fence and fussing and all worked up... instead the entire farm was resting. Then I realized how stressed the entire herd was by her discomfort... somehow it helped me to let go my guilt about feeling relief.

I did not make the appointment for her too far ahead of time. Just three days. I knew it was coming, knew it had to be on my days off... but did not make the acutal appointment too far out.

As for anything specal... I just talked to her a LOT. I did collect hair. I explained to her that soon it wouldn't hurt. And that it was scary for me too, but that I knew it was right. I asked for forgivness. And peace. I took photos. I talked to the other horses, especially her kids. I don't know how much they understand, and I'm not usually one to verbally 'explain' things beyond simple concepts and ideas. But I'm not going to underestimate them either.

I am so sorry. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I am so sorry for the pain it will cause YOU. But yes, there will be peace too.

(((hugs)))

[abbydp]

She is beautiful and looks so happy in those pictures. I think if she does seem so different, then those are the pictures I would remember, not how she looks now. Her buddy probably knows she's ready. Who knows, she may be hanging on for you. If able, animals usually go off somewhere alone to die, so Faith may be pushing her away. You are doing the brave and right thing. Quality over quantity. Once you set her free she can run like that again.

[pintopiaffe]

Euthanasia is taking their pain away and making it your own, its the price we have to pay to give them that last, greatest gift.

This is from another thread in the breeder's forum. I thought it was worth bringning here. I think it is deeply profound.

[Beverley]

I'll be putting a good ol' boy down soon, too. I have pretty much continued business as usual- his days are spent in a nice big pasture with other oldies (and the oldest, at 34, will be put down at the same time as Leo). But business as usual includes periodic grooming, ALL horses love that extra attention and it feels good, too. And, occasionally, an hour or so of hand grazing on 'the other side of the fence where the grass is greener.' So we've been having some quality time. After they are dead, I typically take the tail from the tailbone on down. I don't bother to wash it beforehand as the horsehair jewelry person I deal with takes care of that. I'm thinking that this time, with his hair and some still left over from my tb, I might have a friend make a fly whisk for me.

[Ted the Peep 'Ho]

Big big muzzle kisses to you from another OTTB.

[Susan P]

There is someone in Chester County, PA that makes a lot of keepsakes with horse mane and tail hair. She asked that it not be wasked when she gets it, not sure why. I understand she makes beautiful keepsakes and when I have some money I'll take my boy Nomad's to her to make something. There is a tack shop in Kennett Square, PA called the Horse Place that works with her.

My buddy Nomad passed last Oct 18 and the day before he ate his full meal. If I had known I would never see him again :no: I don't know what I would have done, I cried for a year and now again just thinking about it. I miss him terribly and it is the price of loving them.

Just reading your post I know you will do the right thing by your friend. I'm so sorry you have to make this decision, I've done this for my dogs and I had a boarder who had to decide for her horse too and let me tell you this was so hard. I couldn't do it but she did and she was so right. Sometimes you have to make the call, and I am so sad that you are telling us that you must decide, I hate that. It's just so hard to do but you do it from a loving heart. Your girl is lucky to have someone like you that loves her. What more can you give but your time, as much time as you can give her, just being with her, brushing her, letting her get all the treats she can eat. Take her out to hand graze if there's any grass where you are. Just love her, maybe walk her. Brush her mane and tail and then snip enough for keepsakes. This is going to be sad when you do, but you will be glad to have something to hold and take photos if you can. If she has ulcers and arthritis this will continue to be a problem and she will suffer.

Always remember that you are acting in love and kindness. Listen to the vet when they tell you her condition and prognosis so you understand what you are doing is the right thing to do and not a rash decision. I would trust you with that decision and I'm so sorry, truly.

I just found this ad in the Equine Marketer: HorseHair Keepsakes - The “HairDrop” is a lasting keepsake of your equine friend. Custom designed & hand beaded around a lock of your horse’s tail. 484-459-1102 info/arrangements.nikihhk@comcast.net (info/arrangements.nikihhk@comcast.net)

[2TBs]

When I put my mare down last summer I spent time just brushing her, took a bit of her tail and a lot of photos. I had a few days before hand, but just went out to be with her when I could. My mare was never a pocket pony, so spending hours fussing over her wasn't really an option. She'd let me know when it was time for me to leave her be.

I was lucky to have a good barn full of friends who were supportive and took a lot of photos of my girl when I was not out there.

I cried all the time it seemed. It's hard, but once she was not in pain any more I was much better. I gave myself a couple of days before I went out to the barn to see her grave and to play with my other horse.

((hugs)) to you. It's never easy.

Meghan

[slpeders]

She's certainly gorgeous- - wonderful pics! You could make a calendar, but for the first part of each month you'd probably cry...I know I would.
when I euthed my mare in the spring, there were people that weren't sure I did the right thing, but I knew my mare and I knew that while she would suffer a year of rehab if I asked it of her, it was not fair to ask.
Maybe other people have had this happen too, but as she let go of that last breath, I had an image of her run-buck-farting through a big field going "Yippee-- as much as I want to eat as often as I want to eat it!!" I really felt like she was telling me I'd done the right thing and I couldn't help but kind of chuckle. Of course, then I had to explain why I was smiling as my mare died....but I am confident that I did the right thing, as you are. At least you know it's coming and can plan to enjoy the last days.
I had 4 hours between the call about her injury and our last goodbye and had to spend most of it getting out of work and to the barn. Hang on to the happy thoughts to keep you going. You have a lot of support here....

[myhorsefaith]

She's gone. :cry: We put her down yesterday morning. She went peacefully and quickly. Normally jumpy around the vet, she stood like a rock for everything. She knew, and I think she wanted out.

The night before, in her paddock with her, she laid down at my feet. I was completely shocked. She then got up, and after circling me a few times, started to blow soft warm air into my hair, using her muzzle to search my head, and my features. She did this for a long time- searching and studying my face, as if to remember it all. I certainly will remember her, and that moment. What a great way to say I love you and goodbye. She always knew what to do. :yes:

Thank you, everyone, for your support the last few days. This was such a hard decision to make. I could've strung her along for another winter or maybe even a few with pain killers, ulcer meds, body work...but the thing is, she hated all of that. It was so stressful for her to be treated, it ended up being counterproductive.

I miss her like crazy, but I know I did the right thing by her. And I'm really glad that she's no longer in pain, and she's finally free.

So thank you, Faith, JC registered Delta Shade, for making me into the person I am today, and for being my bestest friend. You have been the guiding light not only for me, but for helping our other rescues too. Your time here was too short, but was worth every moment.:sadsmile:

[paulosey]

So sorry for you loss of Faith. <<<HUGS>>> I hope your heart heals soon.

[joharavhf]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It really does sound like you did the right thing for her, and I know she is thankful.

Best wishes,

Sarah

[scrtwh]

I am so sorry. Just keep in mind, that this was hard on you, not the horse. What was hard on the horse was one-more-day with that-much-pain. You did the right thing, it would have been selfish to drag her life on.

God speed Delta Shade. There are some good ones up there to keep you company.

[SUECLOUDY]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing. May your sadness now be replaced with the wonderful memories you have of her.
God Speed Faith, and RIP. You left a very sad person here on earth.
(((HUGS)))

[pinkdiamondracing]

Oh what a precious memory she left you with.:sadsmile: You will treasure that last afternoon together for always. :sadsmile:
Look Barbaro and Teddy up when you get there Faith, they will show you the ropes

[War Admiral]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, but so happy for you that you had such a wonderful relationship with your special TB mare. It's obvious from your description that she loffed you just as much as you loffed her.

Godspeed, Faith, you are well-named and brave and lovely. :sadsmile:

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hugs. Wish I could say or do more.

[BasqueMom]

More hugs - she sounds like a very special lady! Carry your memories close and enjoy them.

[pintopiaffe]

What a beautiful, amazing miracle she gave you...

They do know, and many times, ask us to let them go... or let us know that it is ok. I don't believe she could have shown you any more clearly.

(((hugs))) to you. It is hard, but it is right.

Vale, Faith.

[BasqueMom]

myhorsefaith, I just looked up her pedigree and she was a great granddaughter of
Grey Dawn. My Basque is a grandson of Grey Dawn--I couldn't have found a nicer,
kinder OTTB.

[Touchstone Farm,Ky]

Its such a hard decision but often the kindest one to let them go. A friend lost her old mare not long ago and I took pictures of her her last morning out with her herd before they let her go. I posted this awhile ago on the breeders forum but thought maybe you would find some comfort in it too. She has the last one of the mare looking at the road to the rainbow bridge on her mantle with her other pictures of her. Sunrises and no pain are good things. Lots of hugs from Kentucky.
http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4e54597a4e44677a4e413d3d0d0a

[TXPiaffe]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had to put my old mare down yesterday. She was 27 years old and had a stroke. I wish I had one more day with her to take pics and groom her and love her but I didn't. I did sit and talk with her while waiting for the vet to come out. I told her how wonderful she was and what a great mare she had been for the 22 years we had together. It hurts but I know in my heart I did the right thing. She is at peace and running and kicking up her heels again. My thoughts are with you.

[Drummerboy]

I just lost my heart horse to EMND a week ago, we were 4 years into the diagnosis, he was 11. I knew that at some point we would be doing this, but you are never prepared. You think you are, but when faced with it, your not. His front legs just gave out when I was walking him Sunday, rather than have him fall in the aisle, on frozen ground or God forbid, have the ground frozen solid when I had to make this decision, I let him go.

I called the vet on Monday and he came that afternoon. Prior to that, he went out with his old donkey friend, kept his schedule the same and let him hand graze till the vet came. I took some mane and tail hair, not enough to change his appearance, and braided some of my hair in with his mane.

Thats how we spent the day. Jingles to you...

[Quinn]

Touchstone, those pictures are beautiful.

http://community.webshots.com/user/ballyduff

[BelladonnaLily]

I'm so very sorry.

[Blinkers On]

Hands down one of the most beautiful an sad thing I've read ever! I bawled like a baby. And admire the OP for loving her lovely mare so much and rightly! Thanks for breaking my heart but filling it with so much love at the ame time!

[abbydp]

I am so sorry for your loss, but greatly admire you for your courage. You deserved to know and love a mare as special as she was. Swift journey Faith, you will have great company :(

[411]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you. She was lucky to have an owner who put her needs before her own.

[monstrpony]

This seems like a strange thing to say at a time like this, but there's really no other way to say it: Well done. There is comfort in that. You are in my thoughts at this sad time.

[asb_own_me]

The night before, in her paddock with her, she laid down at my feet. I was completely shocked. She then got up, and after circling me a few times, started to blow soft warm air into my hair, using her muzzle to search my head, and my features. She did this for a long time- searching and studying my face, as if to remember it all. I certainly will remember her, and that moment. What a great way to say I love you and goodbye. She always knew what to do. :yes:


What a beautiful memory she gave you. Hugs to you....just because it was the right thing to do for her, doesn't mean it was easy and won't make you miss her any less.

[Futuresmom]

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way! I admire you and your ways. You did the right thing. Faith will be missed but always in your heart!:yes:

[MunchkinsMom]

Hands down one of the most beautiful an sad thing I've read ever! I bawled like a baby. And admire the OP for loving her lovely mare so much and rightly! Thanks for breaking my heart but filling it with so much love at the ame time!

Ditto. My deepest sympathies to all that have recently sent a beloved equine friend over the Bridge.

[danceronice]

All of you who had a chance to say goodbye, or better yet make the decision when, are incredibly lucky and I hope you realize that. I'm crying reading this. And I'd give anything to have some of my Benny's hair. Or to have had time with him instead of being hundreds of miles away. Maybe Faith's running with him now--I'm sure they're both whole and sound again and you know what OTTBs are like. He always liked light-colored girls.

[Bogie]

I am sorry for your loss. It is a very hard thing to go through. My horse died at Tufts about six weeks ago now. They still don't know why he died and when I left him at Tufts I had no idea he would die the next morning. I thought we had many more years left together. :no:

I have hair from his tail (although I haven't been able to open the box and look at it yet). Eventually I would like to have a bracelet made from it.

There is a Yahoo group called "hoofbeats in heaven" that helped me a lot when I first lost him. You might consider joining it while you grieve.

Hugs from Boston!

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Still thinking of you. Big hugs.

[myhorsefaith]

Thank you, all, for your amazing support. :sadsmile:

I'm doing ok, better than a day ago, better than 2 days ago. I still feel like there is a hole in my heart, gut kicked, whatever you want to call it. I miss her so much.

There is some balance, though, and that is peace. There is a stillness in the air, a restful quietness. I know I did the right thing by my best friend. I just wish I didn't hurt so much.

A lot of things have come to light that I hadn't realized. For one, my love for her was deeper than I realized. My dedication to her, her leadership she gave us, was stronger than I knew. Everything I've been doing for the last 6 years: from working odd hours, and even to rescuing the remaining 2, has been because of Faith.

I see now how much she led me through everything. I now see 2 horses that look like complete strangers to me. I have no idea why I have them or why i even thought i could help rehabilitate & retrain them. Well, back then I knew I could because I had Faith. She somehow made everything right. And now the 3 of us are on our own and its a new world.

I fell apart wrapped around my appy's neck- she misses Faith too. I see her looking for her every now and again, and a little call out to the open- with no reply. I gave her a giant hug and told her I too wondered how we were going to do without our friend. We depended on her too much. And I don't have the answer yet.

All in all, things are going ok. We're all trying to make sense of everything and heal. :sadsmile: