What would you do - barn drama!

[joharavhf]

I truck in to a facility down the street and have become somewhat "close" to some of the boarders there. I'm not saying best friend close, but more like a "oh, you have a horse - me too" close, if you know what I mean.

One of the boarders there partakes in the same discipline as I do so sometimes we compare notes about instructors and shows and what not. Said boarder has THREE instructors - 2 that come to the barn to teach her and one that she trucks to on occassion. I have been riding on a very consistent basis with another instructor (at the same facility the boarder trucks in to to take lessons - but different instructor) and have REALLY enjoyed my lessons. I go just about once a week - although *occassionally* I'll miss a week because life gets in the way!

Anyways, the boarder is now pressuring me to take lessons with one of her instructors that comes to the barn. She says, "If you can't make it to your other instructor.....you can ride with mine."

I don't want to ride with said instructor. She's not my style and the instructor that I chose to work with gives me more than enough homework to do while we're at home. Plus my horse is greener - we need to work more on the basics than jump, jump, jumping him all the time.

How do I say politely that I do not want to ride with this lady? I don't want to make the boarder mad, but I'm afraid I will because she seems to get that way when other things have happened.

THANKS :D

[Chief2]

"Thanks for thinking of me. I can see she really produces nice results, but I'm really happy with where I am with my current instructor. If that ever changes, then I'll certainly consider studying with yours. She seems to be wonderful."

[Tilly]

First off, if she gets mad, it is not your problem. It is her problem.
Just tell her, when she says "You can come ride with my other instructor.", that you don't like the other instructor's style, and leave it at that. If she presses you, just repeat it. Or, if you're the kind of person who likes to explain her actions ;) , you can tell her why. I suggest, though, that you simply state that you don't like the other instructor's style and leave it at that.

[And hopefully other people will post, as I am fairly cynical, opinionated, and unsocial, so I probably am not the best person to give you advice:lol:]

[Cherry]

You could say, "Thanks for the offer, I'll take it under advisement!". Which means, "Thanks, but no thanks!"--but the other boarder doesn't have to know that. This way you acknowledge that she's trying to be helpful and she knows that you will think about what she said.... :winkgrin: :yes: Doesn't mean you have to act on it though....

[Liberty]

I'd say:

"Great! Thanks for the offer! It's nice to know I have that option if I ever need it."

;)

[erinwillow]

Just tell her that you appreciate her concern but that you are well settled and content with whom you're riding with currently. DON:T carry on the converstaion just tell her that you're fine and make sure to say "THANK YOU" :winkgrin:

[skykingismybaby1]

"Well bless your heart for thinking of me" Smile and leave.

[erinwillow]

"Well bless your heart for thinking of me" Smile and leave.

:D personal FAV!!!!

[stryder]

You could say, "Thanks for the offer, I'll take it under advisement!". Which means, "Thanks, but no thanks!"--but the other boarder doesn't have to know that. This way you acknowledge that she's trying to be helpful and she knows that you will think about what she said.... :winkgrin: :yes: Doesn't mean you have to act on it though....

The problem with this approach is that you leave yourself open to her bugging you about it. It's easier to say, "Thanks, but I'm very happy with my current instructor. I'm not in the market for a different instructor, but thanks for thinking of me. I can see you're very happy with her!"

[dogchushu]

Many good responses here. Chances are, she just wants a lesson buddy to get in some group riding and to split expenses. As long as you don't say negative stuff about her current instructor, there shouldn't be any drama or hurt feelings.

[sweetpea]

Oh blame it on your self-- " I used to mix it up with other trainers but it is just to confusing for me , thanks so much"!!

[pj]

LOL What is wrong with just saying "I like the instructor I have and would prefer to stay with him or her, but, thanks I appreciate it."

[Manes and Tails]

If the lessons she's inviting you to are above your horse's level, then you could use that angle.

[Wigwag]

"Thanks for thinking of me. I can see she really produces nice results, but I'm really happy with where I am with my current instructor. If that ever changes, then I'll certainly consider studying with yours. She seems to be wonderful."

I like this approach.

Sounds like the other boarder is just trying to be friendly and make sure you know you're "invited" (so to speak) to talk to her instructor about taking lessons if you need it.

If you want to say a bit more, I would just explain that the only reason you occasionally miss a lesson with your instructor is because - as you said - life gets in the way. If life gets in the way too much for a lesson with your regular, then it seems to me it's a fair enough reason to give that you don't have time for a second instructor.

I wouldn't read this as barn drama. :)

[slc2]

Why say anything at all. Just let the person talk and ignore it or just say 'ok, thanks'.

[philosoraptor]

That's not really drama. That's just a case of saying "thanks but no thanks".

It sounds like she honestly feels she's getting a lot out of her lessons and she wants to help you by getting you to try it. She should be able to understand if you aren't going to follow your suggestion.

[joharavhf]

That's not really drama. That's just a case of saying "thanks but no thanks".

It sounds like she honestly feels she's getting a lot out of her lessons and she wants to help you by getting you to try it. She should be able to understand if you aren't going to follow your suggestion.


Actually, MayS, I think you have it right, after thinking a little more about it. I think I felt funky about it because there has been some drama in the past with the person and other people in the barn....and I've heard many many stories about it :(

I HATE barn drama - one of the very many reasons I keep my kiddos at home :D

[Cindyg]

"Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I just can't. I'll let you know if anything changes later on."

Send this in an e-mail, and you won't have to elaborate. And it leaves the ball in YOUR court. ("I'll let you know if...") But of course the situation won't change, so you won't be letting her know.

If she brings it up again, repeat, "Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I just can't."

"Why not?"

"I've just got so much going on right now."

"Like what?"

"Well, I'm busy with ___. Really, I appreciate your thinking of me, but I just can't." Smile.

You see how if she keeps asking, it's just an endless loop?

[kellyb]

What about a simple... "Thanks!"

If this is your only barn drama, you're really lucky!! :lol:

[chai]

I agree with Stryder. Some people don't hear 'no' unless you actually say, 'no'. Just thank her for the suggestion but tell her you are all set, and your trainer is so good with your horse that you couldn't possibly switch while your horse is coming along so nicely.

[BSFKimbees]

It sounds like you are very loyal to your Instructor, kudous. I appreciate this type of rider. However, maybe you could give it a try, if not just to confirm your dislike of this Instructor - if finances allow of course.

I take many lessons, from many Instructors. Not because I have the money to do so, but because I gain knowledge. It may not be exactly what I'm looking for, but it's knowledge at least that I will ultimately use at some point in life.

If you have an open mind, and generally get along with this rider, then perhaps give it a try. If not, or if you are stead fast against this trainer, then simply say "life won't allow it", and make it a point to not be there on that day.

It's barn drama, isn't everything?

[Eyemadonkee]

I'm in a distantly similar situation. I'm as polite as possible and just say I'm happy with my current instructor for now, but I'll keep yours in mind for the future.

[slc2]

Keep in mind that the more a person feels like they have to justify their choices, the more they try to get others to make the same choice.

[joharavhf]

It sounds like you are very loyal to your Instructor, kudous. I appreciate this type of rider. However, maybe you could give it a try, if not just to confirm your dislike of this Instructor - if finances allow of course.

I take many lessons, from many Instructors. Not because I have the money to do so, but because I gain knowledge. It may not be exactly what I'm looking for, but it's knowledge at least that I will ultimately use at some point in life.

If you have an open mind, and generally get along with this rider, then perhaps give it a try. If not, or if you are stead fast against this trainer, then simply say "life won't allow it", and make it a point to not be there on that day.

It's barn drama, isn't everything?

My philosophy in riding is if you take at least ONE thing with you from the lesson then it was worth it ;) So while I AGREE that maybe down the road I can learn something from her, I DON'T feel like RIGHT now it'd be worth it - ya know? I have enough going on with this instructor I REALLY like. I have been riding for 25 years but a good NUMBER of epiphanies have come from this instructor. A lot probably has do with the horse I'm riding (who allows me to FEEL things).....but also this instructor has a lot of good visualization teachings!

[BSFKimbees]

I hear you, now just put that into words... You now have your reply!

[Sansena]

Next time she asks "Hey, want to try a lesson w/MY trainer?", reply with
"No thanks~ But do you wanna try one with mine?"

Either she'll get the point or she's an idiot.

[TikiSoo]

Heh, the easiest answer is to just say, "We're just not at that level yet."

[eventchic33]

She may be trying to drum up business for her trainer or she may be looking for some companionship. You said that there was previous drama with this person and she may feel a bit... outside now. If you think she is ok as a person you could simply say that you like your instructor but hey if you want we could school together sometime. Of course she could be the local barn psycho and you may want to run but.....having someone to ride with is nice on occasion.

[Trevelyan96]

LOL What is wrong with just saying "I like the instructor I have and would prefer to stay with him or her, but, thanks I appreciate it."

Ditto.

[BuddyRoo]

What's wrong with just being honest? Why do we always feel like we have to come up with excuses?

"Thanks! I really am not interested right now, but I'll keep that in mind."

[ybiaw]

What's wrong with just being honest? Why do we always feel like we have to come up with excuses?

"Thanks! I really am not interested right now, but I'll keep that in mind."

I agree, BR. I get really tired of seeing the old "bless your heart" "excuse A" "excuse B", blah blah blah come into play, especially for a situation where a simple "No thanks" will do just fine. ;)

[webmistress32]

I use this quite often: "sounds great. hey when are we going on that trail ride?"

:-D

[BuddyRoo]

Not picking on the OP...or anyone else for that matter.

I used to be an excuse maker--it takes SO MUCH MORE energy to make up an excuse and then MAINTAIN your story vs just being honest.

I realize there are some situations that you have to carefully extract yourself from--volatile personalities, etc....but this just doesn't seem to be one of them.

I dunno. Have I mentioned that I am terribly crabby right now? LOL

[ESG]

This isn't barn drama. This is you not wanting to start barn drama. Not worth it, IMO. Think of all the aggravation you've already suffered, just trying not to aggravate this boarder. Why should you feel bad about her rudeness? Just smile and say, "No, thank you." and leave it at that. If that doesn't work, just smile and say, "No, thank you." and leave it at that. Rinse, repeat as necessary. No excuses, no explanations, nada - you're allowed to ride with whom you choose, no matter how inconvenient that fact may be for someone else. :winkgrin:

[bamboozled]

You DO NOT have to explain yourself. Just say "Thanks!" and leave it at that. If she comes at you again, go deaf and hum to yourself.

[joharavhf]

Thanks everyone for your insight. I sent her an email the other day (because I don't have her phone number and I seldomly see her at the barn during the week). Anyways, it was basically, thanks but no thanks, I have enough to concentrate on with one instructor.

I haven't heard back from her. Hopefully she got the email. Oh well if she didn't. I'll just have to reiterate it in person if I see her!

[paohatch]

Thanks for thinking of me. I can see she really produces nice results, but I'm really happy with where I am with my current instructor. If that ever changes, then I'll certainly consider studying with yours. She seems to be wonderful."


WELL SAID.. REPEAT AFTER HER....:)