Putting on My Big Girl Pants

[Neighbor]

Sooo, I hate to whine, and I confess, I'm typically a lurker and read about other people's problems to help solve my own or at least put them back into perspective but I'm feeling kind of low (and whiny) and without getting flamed, I just wanted to see if my thoughts/feelings were normal.

Recently, my boss cut salaries across the board and mine was no different ... the economy has been pretty rough for us and even though it wasn't merit based it was a huge chunk (almost 1/4 of my salary). Needless to say, my horse habits suffered tremendously. I have worked hard for five years to keep my horse in a nice eventing barn (nothing too fancy but good care) and have never had the money to show frequently or even take lessons regularly but was just happy to have such a nice horse. He had three rides under his belt when I bought him and he's turned into a dream horse for me, so there's plenty of sweat equity in him. After the paycut, I had to look at my options and with my trainer's help was lucky enough to find a young student whose parents loved my horse. The boy is young (12) but very sweet and so his parents jumped on the chance to half lease my gelding. So, with all that being said ... with my big girl pants on I realize that :

1) I'm lucky to still have a job
2) I'm lucky to have a horse that I can sell if need be, as opposed to losing my home, etc.
3) I'm lucky to have found a good half-lease situation so I don't have to sell him for now

But I'm feeling really low ... and sort of sorry for myself. I guess I need a reality check, but is it normal to feel this way? They want to show the horse regularly, and are already referring to him as their horse (I know all silly things) but it kills me to see a young kid take my dream horse that I've worked so hard on and show him twice as much as I have ever been able to, buy him all the things I can't and be so excited when I feel like crap :(

I know I'm being incredibly selfish ... any advice on how to change my mentaily?(sorry for the long post)

[ddashaq]

I have no advice but I really feel for you! I think that you did the right thing given your options, and at least you did not have to sell your horse. When things look up again, he will be there for you to reclaim and show yourself. If you find that you really cannot live with someone else enjoying your horse, are there cheaper boarding options that you could look into?

[Neighbor]

Thanks for your kind words ... I've never been someone who needed reassuring before but this is just a "drink wine and cry" kind of night :) The lease is short-term so I am going to look into options and hopefully be in a different situation at that point. If not, I'll do what I have to do to keep him going as he should ... if I can't stomach another lease, I'll put him in a cow pasture :)

[FlashGordon]

Thanks for your kind words ... I've never been someone who needed reassuring before but this is just a "drink wine and cry" kind of night :) The lease is short-term so I am going to look into options and hopefully be in a different situation at that point. If not, I'll do what I have to do to keep him going as he should ... if I can't stomach another lease, I'll put him in a cow pasture :)

Hey, I can relate, and we all need to whine a little here and there!

Sounds like you found some nice people to half-lease. I remember being 12 and overjoyed at the fact that someone offered me the chance to half-lease their horse... and I loved that horse.... just like my own. ;)

Now at 27 I am still grateful for all the people along the way who let me borrow and lease their horses when I was a kid/teen.

So just think.... you're giving a pretty cool opportunity to what sounds like a nice and capable kid. Go you! That is good stuff. Someday that kid will look back and remember all the fun times he had with your horse, and will smile at your generosity.

And at the end of the day, as hard as it is to share your horse.... he's still yours. I know, sometimes that is little consolation, but in the scheme of things it is most important.

Hugs to you... drink your wine, have a good whine, and then go ride your horse tomorrow... you'll feel better.

[kashmere]

nothing but sympathy; it would be a different story if your horse's wellbeing was suffering because of your feelings of jealousy, etc. but it's not; you're doing what's best for your horse and there are emotional consequences. it sucks! i'm going through similar feelings right now; an un-rideable, formerly abused/neglected, untrained ex broodmare who took five long years of my sweat, tears, blood, and broken bones has finally turned into a sound, happy, healthy, fun horse... just in time for me to move across the country to go to school. i have her leased to an incredbile woman who takes great care of her - even stayed at my barn where BO and my mother can keep an eye on her. the situation is great. am i absolutely green with envy? you bet! do i have nights where i inhale chocolate, go through pictures and cry while holding a braid from the mare's tail? yup.

i've been born with a ridiculous silver spoon in my mouth to have a great horse and the opportunity to go to university, but le coeur a ses raisons... and we've just gotta deal with 'em.

ps (it always helps the blues to share pictures and brag... so i'm going to, please feel free to join!)

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb294/rosemareez/katietail.jpg?t=1226893788

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb294/rosemareez/P4290027.jpg?t=1226893855

[Neighbor]

Thanks so much everyone ... I'm on to wine glass #2 and feeling much better thanks to your kind words. It's nice to hear that others are going through similar situations, and I really appreciate you guys understanding the silly emotions that go along with it.

I think I'll take the advice and go for a nice long ride tomorrow on my boy. He'll always be mine :)


Love the pics, what a beautiful girl :)

[CBudFrggy]

Didn't you see the pity party thread? :winkgrin:

I'm right there with you. My DH has Stage IV Hodgkin's Disease and can't work, his treatments are about $1700-$1900 per month AFTER insurance, I'm an attorney but my clients in this economy can't pay regularly, I had to move out of a full board situation and put lower level eventer on rough board (pasture with run-in for storms) and found a woman to ride my horse on trails a few days a week, who at least just bought him 8 bales of nice hay, delivered and stacked.

And I'm so jealous when she calls me and tells me about their rides, it hurts! :cry:

I still see him once a week to deliver feed and trail ride, etc., but this weekend, my heart wasn't in it. I mucked the pasture, fixed the run-in, fixed some fences, and gave him beauty spa treatment day, but it was so hot and I didn't get much sleep the night before, so I didn't ride.

All I can say is, "The tide will turn."

I put my big girl pants on a couple of weeks ago, found a headhunter, who found me a job with a real paycheck and benefits. And once I get caught up on bills, DH gets through his chemo and then his radiation therapy, and I get my house a little more in order, I'll be able to move lovely horse back "home" where I can ride him every day, rather than once a week.

Cheers!

[Kairoshorses]

I'm so sorry for you! But things DO get better. I think we're given trials like these to re-assess who we are, what our values are, etc. And we either grow, or we face the same trials at a later date.

Silly story about my two kids when they were younger:

I was going to a conference and my flight was cancelled, and then flight after flight after flight was cancelled. My flight was 7 am, and it was now 1 pm. My DH and two boys came to rescue me and feed me lunch. The oldest boy said "Mom, I'm going to build you an airplane, and then you'll never have to wait again!" The youngest said "Mom, you need to go pet a horse."

I think my youngest is extremely insightful. While it'd be nice to have all our problems solved, it usually doesn't work that way, and if we wait for it to, we're doomed. So, while you re-think what you might do, go pet a horse!

[3dazey]

I want to reiterate what FlashGordon said, and hope it makes you feel a leeeetle bit better. When I was a kid, I got an opportunity to lease the best pony on the planet. His owner was a little person who was going off to college. So I was the lucky recipient of this pony, didn't have a saddle, whooped through the woods bareback having the time of my life, for the better part of four years. In the summers I had to "give him back" because she was home and wanted to ride. It was so hard. But in hindsight I know it was awful for her, too, because he truly became mine for nine months of each year. What a fantastic learning experience for both of us, yes?

I'm so grateful for that chance and I loved that pony better than anything. If I saw his mom today thirty-some years later, I'd give her the biggest hug and thank her from the bottom of my heart. Her gift made such a difference in the life of one sad little girl!

Hope it helps, some, but if not, drink more wine and know that we are all in this boat together, be it sink or swim. :sadsmile:

[lizathenag]

I know I'm being incredibly selfish ... any advice on how to change my mentaily?(sorry for the long post)


Give yourself a little while to feel bad then go volunteer in your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

[curlykarot]

I totally understand. I was that kid in high school who didn't have a horse, and would ride anything, and would help to stack hay, muck stalls, just for some extra ride time. I was THRILLED to be asked to ride somebody's horse for a week if they were going on vacation.

And now the tables have turned and I'm on the other side. I now own the best horse ever (in my humble opinion :D) and now, due to time & money constraints, the best thing to do would be to put him on a 1/2 lease. I didn't want to at first (my thoughts kept going to: I trained him! I don't wanna share!), but I just keep reminding myself that I'll be giving that kid (or adult) that chance to get some more ride time in. I hope to be able to find somebody soon - congrats on finding someone who loves your boy already.

[ridingdex]

That is a very tough position and it sounds like you've made some very tough decisions. For me-I would rather half lease to be able to keep my horse at a barn where he's happy and where I'm comfortable then to move him to a different situation. So while it's hard to see someone else get to ride him, I think in the long run you will be happier.

My income has been cut dramatically this year and while I'm not yet to the point you are that could be around the corner so it's been on my mind a lot. My feeling sorry for myself was put into perspective this week (my reality check) when I talked to my next door neighbor. They live on property that's been in the family forever and their house recently went on the market. when I asked why-I was devastated to hear that business has been so bad for him, that he won't be able to keep his house if the bank doesn't work with him. They have horses but more importantly, young children. I didn't even know what to say and it made me realize that I was lucky to still have choices. I guess what I'm saying is that as hard as it is, maybe to get through this (and now that you've had the "feeling sorry for myself" party which is totally natural) focus on the positives. I'm still working on it by the way!

[Neighbor]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the great advice ... and inspiring stories. Today I bought a card for my boy's "new family" and am printing out my fav picture of him to put in there, until they have a favorite of their own. I'm trying to focus on the little boy's happiness and how I would have felt in his situation. Also, great advice about the soup kitchen ... I also bought some gifts today for my Operation Christmas Chid and felt better already!

Thanks all!

[EventFan]

I agree that you deserve to have a little pity party, for a brief time. But then you have to think about what a great thing you are doing for your horse, and also for the kid leasing him. You are putting your horse' needs ahead of your own feelings-and that's a dedicated horseperson. ( (hugs) )

[FlashGordon]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the great advice ... and inspiring stories. Today I bought a card for my boy's "new family" and am printing out my fav picture of him to put in there, until they have a favorite of their own. I'm trying to focus on the little boy's happiness and how I would have felt in his situation. Also, great advice about the soup kitchen ... I also bought some gifts today for my Operation Christmas Chid and felt better already!

Thanks all!


Hey Neighbor that is a really sweet idea. You are a good egg. Things will work out for the best, longterm, though I know it is hard.

And tag along and cheer that boy on at his shows! As a kid I loved the owners of the horses I rode, just as much as the horses... and still think of my "barn moms" very fondly.