Moving you kid from pony to horse

[eventmom]

I know I am not the only one who has gone through this.
Our situation is that we have our guys at home. I have two girls who ride. The oldest one just turned 12 and she is very long legged. We sold her pony last week as she had outgrown him in size and skills. She was eventing him b/n and doing a lot with him.
Anyway, we bought her move up horse a year ago but the mare turned out to have laminitis, so instead of spending the year riding and getting to know her, we spent the year healing her. She is now fine, (with a few small set backs) but now that the pony is gone, it is time for her to step up to the plate.
The thng is, this mare has some big shoes to fill! She really is a nice horse. Rummor has it that she is the perfect move up horse for my kid. But of course she is also a stretch for my kid, or she would not be so great!
Anyway, my daughter has been working with her, and yesterday she about near broke out in tears! The mare is very kind, but also very sensitive. My daughter is taking two lessons a week to get her going But between times, I guess this week is just really hard for her. I know things will get better. And I also know that the process is so rewarding. I just wish I could wave a magic wand or something to fix things.
I should add that one of her trainers is willing to let her take one of her guys to a couple of events this year, in order to keep her skills up.
I think this may be the first time I see a down side to keeping our guys at home. If we were at a big barn, there would be other horses to ride?!
Would love to hear from other moms who have been there, done that!

[BigRuss1996]

First...not a mom ...but I have had some experience with this and I do have 17 neices and nephews if that counts...and have taught a few kids.
Is there anyway you could keep the mare at the trainers for a month or so until she and your daughter get going more? It might help her to have someone else ride the mare a few days a week to get her going if she has had time off. You don't want your daughter to become discouraged and frustrated.....this is suppose to be fun for the kids right.
I rode a horse off and on for a 14 yr old girl and he was a great horse for her (still is) but he was big compared to her old pony and he knew he could take advantage of her. It was more to remind him of his job while she got more comfortable and developed the skills to be able to make him do things herself. The days I rode him she watched me ride and told me what problems she was having and I explained what I was feeling and doing to fix it and she got to ride another horse in the barn that day. Then the days she rode him I was just there to help if she needed it. In no time she was able to get after him herself and she knew how to fix things where before she just got frustrated cause she couldn't physically make him.

[Atigirl]

The question that I have is does your daughter want to ride any horse or does she want to develop a bond with a specific horse. It can sometimes be hard for a kid, but they do need to love and bond with there horse to truly make a team. That means good days and bad days. That means scratching from an event that you have prepared for so long to go to only to find out it just wasn't in the cards. It sounds like with the pony there wasn't too many downs only maybe ups. Your daughter is at the age where you learn life goes up and down. Maybe she needs some help with those coping skills and not just another horse to ride when hers isn't perfect. No horse is and sometimes life isn't either. Just my opinion

[eventmom]

Bigruss, I did not mean to infer that my daughter was in any way intimidated by the mare. They have a great relationship started. I don't really think sending the mare out would be the best decision here. First off, her trainers are not in a position to take her. Second, this is something we have never done. My daughter has really enjoyed (through the tough times!) making her beasts. She (with lots of help of course!} does have, in this case, the skills to do so. The problem is, that she is young, and it is a process. Kids can get so easily discouraged. The mare was just not ridden correctly. She is afraid of the bit. So, we just need to spend the winter doing some retraining. And, as I am sure you all know, this can get discouraging. Three steps forward, two steps back. Especially after having such a fantastic pony!
I really think she would be sorry if we sent the mare away.
My daughter really does love to process.
Atigirl, my daughter definitly wants the relationship. You have hit the nail on the head here. I absolutly agree, she just needs help coping. I was just looking for how other mom's do it.
And no, the pony was not mostly ups. He was quite difficult at first. But of course, at the end, he was awesome. Which is of course the best time to sell!
The rewards that come from making your own are what she really wants. And in my opinion, the best way to keep her safe x-c.
We are just going through a rough patch after the sale of her pony.

[LisaB]

My instructor has a great kid who is going through this right now. She was super successful on pony and now has moved onto experienced horse. She is doing exactly as BigRuss said, she's spending time at instructor's place to get full time hands on experience in dealing with horse. Not that she's taking lessons every single day but even when she's not, if instructor sees something while working on another student or horse, she will point it out so kid doesn't stray.
Agree with BigRuss. It's a big learning curve!

[flyingchange]

Welcome to horses. Each and every one of them is unique and different.

If you continue to compare the mare to the daughter's former "perfect" pony, you do a huge disservice to the mare. The pony is gone, the daughter now has a new horse to learn to ride. The horse is a mare, which brings a whole new set of challenges to the table. Mares are, generally speaking, much MORE sensititive than geldings. They tend to have an opinion and they can get pissed off far more easily than geldings.

It bothers me to hear you say that this mare has some "big shoes to fill" left by the "perfect pony." She will never be anything like the pony that your daugther had. She is a completely different animal. Your expectations need to be vastly different with her. It is not fair to her to compare her to the pony and to expect her to fill his shoes. It sounds like you guys either need to step up to the plate and appreciate her for what she is and learn how to handle and ride her, or get a bigger pony for your daughter.

[deltawave]

Tending to agree with flyingchange. Each horse has something to teach us, and I don't know any really good riders who haven't had to struggle along riding multiple horses with multiple issues. :)

Frustration is part of learning to be a horseman. And tears are part of being a preteen. Neither is necessarily a sign that something is wrong or going "badly". Your mom's instinct to "fix things" is reasonable, but fortunately it's not going to happen and your daughter will just have to keep working with the mare.

Don't look at it as a down side. Look at it as an opportunity for your daughter to grow as a horsewoman in a venue other than the show ring. :)

[Atigirl]

Eventmom, now is the time to teach your daughter that all animals are different and they teach us different things. I have had three horses in my life, I keep them until they die. I love all three, but for different reasons. They have taught me more then I can ever express. Sometimes the most difficult and frustrating times is when you learn the most about them and yourself. I know it is hard to teach a child that it is not the destination but the journey that is rewarding. Each horse has a different journey and something to give to us that we might not ever know at the time or expect.

[eventmom]

Thanks guys, your absolutly right, I just needed to hear it!
Flying change, don't worry, I guess I just went overboard in trying to express the problem. We will not, and are not going to do the mare a disservice in this area. (or atleast we will do our best!)
I know that things will progress, she will grow, and we will look back on this amazing journey in awe with lots of smiles.
It's just that right now we are in the tears stage!

[smay]

Hoo boy. We have the exact same thing going on here. Daughter (13) spent four years getting a rather difficult large pony going fairly well - wins a lot of ribbons in the H/J rings, still having a bit of trouble with eventing due to his dressage "un-suitability!" But pony is unbearably CUTE. So daughter has totally outgrown pony and we spent a whole YEAR searching for a good move-up horse that will do low level eventing, hopefully with some shred of dressage potential. Found TB gelding. Bought gelding. Keep at home.

Daughter has NOT bonded with TB AT ALL. TB is very unloveable. Barn sour. Kinda mean. Stubborn. Not cute like pony.

Our difference is that we still have the pony and do not "need" to sell him. But I think we will have to in order to get the thoroughbred going, since she absolutely prefers to ride, show, and clinic on her pony, who she knows so well.

My plan now is to board out the TB this fall/winter, where she can have a controlled environment with her regular lessons on HIM...maybe some helpful training for the TB, who is a big, intimidating 16.3 hands and pretty much does what he wants. She can still play with her pony at home for fun and relaxation, I guess. I can barely stand to sell him myself!

[jeca]

Eventmom, I know exactly what you are going through! Last spring my 10 year old daughter got a new pony and the transition from old pony to new pony was rough, lots of tears for the first month. After the second month though, things got so much better and my daughter went on to have such a great summer with the pony and really developed a great bond with her. But I know how tough things are for you now, just hang in there, things will get better for all involved. We also keep our horses at home, but moved the pony to an indoor barn down the road for a couple of months, we live in Vermont, lots of snow, and that really helped things move forward. Also, my daughter took lessons from the trainer there and of course listened to her much more than she would ever listen to me! Keep the faith, things will smooth out in the end.

[quietann]

Welcome to horses. Each and every one of them is unique and different.

... The horse is a mare, which brings a whole new set of challenges to the table. Mares are, generally speaking, much MORE sensititive than geldings. They tend to have an opinion and they can get pissed off far more easily than geldings.

oh yeah... My horse (my first horse) is a mare, a very girly sensitive mare, and it's just taking so much longer to "bond" with her than it did with the old gelding I also ride. He's just so stoic, while the mare is not stoic about *anything*. He can be "made" to do things, but with her, OMG you do not want to start down that path, because she will melt down, and won't forget your role in that. That said, I am starting to see the truth in the old saw about geldings giving you 50%, 100% of the time, and mares giving you 100%, 50% of the time. She's a challenge, but in a good way :)

One of the things the mare and I have in common is that we love praise, but actually praising us is very distracting. If I tell her she's a good girl as soon as she's going round, she'll pop her head up. So I have to wait for at least a few strides of good, or take her directly from good to relaxed, and *then* tell her she's been good. I've asked my instructor to do the same with me -- if I get it, *don't* tell me immediately; let me experience what "getting it" feels like and *then* compliment me :lol:

[eventmom]

Smay, I feel your pain. I am happy to announce that our mare is a very nice girl. My daughter really does enjoy her. She has great ground manners and really does try to do what she is asked. It is just a matter of learning how to ask her properly!
I am glad I asked the question. I knew there were others out there with this issue.
Quietann, you sure you don't have our mare's sister over there?
:)

[Ajierene]

Not a mom (yet), but having grown up without a horse and riding only the ones that needed training, as well as teaching kids a bit - there is one suggestion I have.

I do agree with others that say you cannot compare the current horse to the other pony. They are different, each with their own positives and negatives. After getting to know an equine as well as your daughter got to know and love the pony, it is hard to switch to a new horse.

One thing I always did in the early days of owning/riding/training my mare (much more looney than the other two horses I had owned and not the friendly personality of especially my first horse who actually would get depressed if I went to long without seeing him) was to always end on a positive note and follow it up with a lot of praise.

If she takes her horse back to the barn with a sour attitude, she is going to tack her up for the next ride with a bad taste in her mouth. Think of it this way: last time you went to the dentist he told you you had cavities and repaired them leaving you with pain - are you going to look forward to your next visit?

So, what I always suggested and what I did (and I had those moments with my mare that your daughter is having) is to find something that she can do well, after a rough ride, do that thing - halt and stand, trot a circle, go over that tiny X or those ground poles, etc. Or the MOMENT she does what you have spent the last hour trying to ask her to do (finally on the bit, lowered head, transition up without a buck, transition down without tossing her head sky high, etc.) Stop, praise, get off, praise, praise some more on the way back to the barn.

She will leave with a slightly better attitude, the horse will leave with a slightly better attitude about everything - everyone will meet for the next ride with a slightly better attitude.

A good attitude will build on itself into better attitudes. A bad attitude will also build on itself into even worse attitudes. So think positive and act positive!

[thumbsontop]

First, I'm glad to hear that you got the pony sold. It's been for sale for awhile!

We really ought to spend some time together - I swear we're always in the same shoes at the same time.

My daughter's move up horse has been frustrating for her. The pony she evented had finally gotten to the point where they were always in the ribbons, always consistent dressage scores in the 30's, pony club ratings through her C-1, etc.

Her move up was not what we intended. It was an OTTB that I had bought to "try out" breeding welsh/tb crosses. Picked her up for a steal and could turn around and sell if I didn't feel breeding was for me.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the mare is an absolute DOLL - a real lovebug. My daughter put her under saddle again over the winter to "perhaps event" and they've made amazing accomplishments. The mare is very sensitive, but really takes care of her rider. Even if she throws in a buck or two, it's not to unseat, just to "express". She's an amazing jumper and a nice mover, but still green. I want to be clear that training her was not my idea initially and Hannah wants to stick with her - it just worked out this way.

The ups and downs of a green horse are VERY frustrating for my daughter. Her last pony went from fairly bad to much better very consistently. This mare simply needs experience. One day she'll get a 35 in dressage, the next she'll get a 49 because she's saying "do we canter here? no, here? what about this corner?" Jumping is typically great, but then she'll get really worked up 1 time out of 10. I hate hearing "she's being so bad"...but it makes me feel better that before bed she can say "Duchess and I both made some mistakes today".

The current issue is that the mare has decided balancing is hard so she leans on the bit on occasion. The "woe is me" complaints I hear make me nuts.

One thing that I plan to try is vidotaping her lesson, and then videotaping her ride at home so that she can compare. I can say "Karen says" until I'm blue in the face - I really think it would help if she could see the difference without me interfering.

For my daughter, I think much of it is mourning that her life with her pony is over. Moving on seems disloyal. While an adult might find it easier to work through, I think that for a kid they constantly compare to the joy they had. Then I come along and make it worse unintentionally by saying "Duchess is so talented" or "At least Duchess isn't doing this or that like Lucy used to". I'm trying to be conscious of not talking this mare up too much and inadvertantly causing resentment.


PM me sometime and we can compare notes!

[eventmom]

Ajierene, very good point. The trainers have always insisted that every ride end on a positive note. One thing my daughter has drilled into her head and insists on. Very important!
Thumbsontop, wow! We really are in the same boat, except that we are not yet really jumping our mare. She needs to take a chill pill for a few months with ground work before we head in that direction.
All is going quite well really. It is just such a huge change.

[Eventingjunkie]

If your daughter is eleven years old plus or minus a year...she is going through major changes besides the change of ponies. I have had a boarding barn for eight years, I try to keep it only kids (so my 14 year old daughter has friends with similar interests and we don't have to listen to the DQ's complain about everything the kids do or don't do), and have seen this behavior in almost every child. They start out as young confident riders that never get frustrated, then as they mature they become more aware of themselves and start to care that they are not perfect. Some kids get past this in a couple months, some it takes a year or two. Don't know if this is what your daughter is going through, but extra hugs at home seem to help. Growing up isn't easy. Good luck!

[Whisper]

Does your daughter have experience with bringing a horse back from a layup? That's my only concern - especially with a sensitive mare, it's easy to have a whole different horse than before the injury or time off. :(

[eventmom]

Does your daughter have experience with bringing a horse back from a layup? That's my only concern - especially with a sensitive mare, it's easy to have a whole different horse than before the injury or time off. :(

Hmmm, not really clear as to what your "concern" is. The horse has now been back at work for a few months. She has done nothing dangerous in that time. And of course my daughter is under lots of excellent instruction to keep her on the right track. This would include an excellent farrier and vet.
Are you conerned about the health of the horse being compromised? Or are you concerned about eratic behavior from the horse?
Again, I am confident that my daughter is not overhorsed. She seems to be getting along with the mare quite well.
I suspect a lot of her issues are as Eventingjunkie described. She has always been such an even kid, and I believe hormones are taking a toll. Not an easy time to sell your pony! But as we can see, this is when it is often done, because this is when they grow!
I was just looking for advice on how other moms helped them cope.
Yesterday, when she went to ride, I told her not to forget to enjoy the process. In a very short time we will look back on this experience with a good laugh and lots of pride at a job well done. She put a smile on her face and had a better time of it.

[jeca]

Eventmom, you are right about looking back at this difficult time later on with a laugh and smile. As I wrote before, we went through this same situation last spring with the transition to new pony for my 10 year old daughter. Now we look back, after a summer filled with camp, clinics and shows,where she completed a 2 phase twice and even once won her division, with many smiles and much pride at much accomplished. Last spring was so hard at times, but we made it through and so will you and your daughter. Hang in there.

[Whisper]

Sorry, I misunderstood, and thought she had *just* come off layup. A lot of horses who are coming right off a stall injury are difficult to work with, even if they are normally laid-back and well-trained.

[eventmom]

Ah, fair enough. Truth is, she is not being difficult. The pair are really trying hard to work together. Its just that a new horse always presents its own set of challenges I suppose:)
Today she had a lesson. This is a horse that naturally should go on the bit, but because of incorrect riding, is having to re learn. Anyway, the instructor realized that asking my daughter to get her to that place was just a little much. Actually, maybe she would get her there, then keep discussing it. So, today, the trainer got on her, got her soft, and then put my daughter on her and she was amazing the whole ride. I think her other trainer will be getting on the mare this week too. This will help my daughter a lot. She is too young to switch gears maybe. Anyway, again, we do love the process. And of course my kid gets to learn a ton in that process, which is really what we are in it for. We love learning what is under the hood!

[Whisper]

Yeah, it's so much easier to get the horse on the bit quickly and keep him/her there when the instructor rides for a few minutes first. :)

I don't have kids, but when I was a little older than she is, I started doing "will muck for rides" at the self-care barn near my house. I got to ride a lot of different horses. As she becomes a little bit better rider, she'll probably get lots of catch ride offers, and it's a good idea for anyone to be able to get comfortable with a new horse relatively quickly, so eventually it would be great if one of her instructors can let her ride a couple of other horses. It definitely sounds like that isn't the highest priority, unless there is a super-easy horse that would be less frustrating, as a bit of a treat, to ride once. :)

[Equa]

It is a really big adjustment. Ponies are truly amazing - even the evil ones. And Kids can have so much success and then just feel useless when they move to horses.

My daughter moved onto the apparently perfect big horse. He ended up being very challenging, although he carried her safely around 1* when she was just 14. She had fabulous wins, and days when she had to lead him out of the showjumping arena after 3 fences... Then she moved onto anther talented 1* horse. She has been on teams with him and has also had a run of 18 months of disappointment - including injury and just finding out the horse's idiosyncracies.

It sure is character-building! I feel bad for not providing her with a "winner", but she is probably a better rider for it.

[eventmom]

Yeah, it's so much easier to get the horse on the bit quickly and keep him/her there when the instructor rides for a few minutes first. :)

I don't have kids, but when I was a little older than she is, I started doing "will muck for rides" at the self-care barn near my house. I got to ride a lot of different horses. As she becomes a little bit better rider, she'll probably get lots of catch ride offers, and it's a good idea for anyone to be able to get comfortable with a new horse relatively quickly, so eventually it would be great if one of her instructors can let her ride a couple of other horses. It definitely sounds like that isn't the highest priority, unless there is a super-easy horse that would be less frustrating, as a bit of a treat, to ride once. :)
Yes, much easier when the instructor gets them there first:lol:
Actually, she has been riding for one of her trainers for a long time. It used the be that she would go play merry-go-round with the little kids on ponies. She would ride whoever was being evil at the moment! She loved it and had a ton of fun.
Now she is riding horses too. I have a deal with her trainer. When it is for the horses benefit, it's free. When it is for my daughters benefit, I pay.
Very nice arrangement.
She has a nice mare over there my daughter is riding for a video. She looks great on the mare because she is so little! Great sales pitch:) Then sometimes it is just about getting the guys appropriate excersize, as many of her students are too young. And lastly, she has a few horses that are very forward thinking, but quite nice. Some of her students are afraid of them, just because they are quick. My kid is fearless.
Anyway, she also plans to put her on one of her personal horses (when he is sound) as a teaching tool. She also gets to do some jumping over there this winter to keep from getting rusty. And lastly, she is letting my daughter half lease her very nice tb (20 years old) for the month to get ready and ride at Rubicon!
Equa, your right about that! From ponies to horse is a huge adjustment. She was a rock star on her pony. Now we are talking about doing pony club. She will start at D-02 if she is lucky:)
Absolutly charactor building!
It is amazing to me how much who you are as a horseman (when your a kid) is wrapped up in your mount. Or, atleast it seems that way.
It has been very hard for me too. I too was fearless with ponies.. I don't know why. I know some people would not trust them with a ten foot pole. We had so many positive experiences with those little guys. They are smart, but we never had a bad one. She handled everything they threw at her beautifully.
With horses it is a very different game for me.
She looks so little on those guys. I try not to put my fears on her, and she is totally comfortable. Actually, she thinks I am funny. But wow. It is quite a shock! I am getting better as I am getting used to them. And the truth is, her new mare is only 15.1! But she is a big girl, and very powerful and forward thinking. Kinda shocking for a little ol mom!!!
People keep telling me she is much safer on this horse than those evil ponies she used to ride. I just don't see it:)

[eventmom]

So, lesson day. We go out to catch the mare. It was beautiful and windy so they were all being fresh and bucky. Anyway, they run following us into the barn yard. I tell my daughter to catch the others and put them out. She puts the mare's best friend out first. The mare walks right up to the gate, looks at me, and deer leeps over the fence. Problem is, she caught the fence with her hoof and pulled the nails out, then proceeded to catch one on her chest somehow. The vet came. She is on antibiotics, and out for at least 3 or four days.
Did I say horses were different than ponies?
I can definity count on one hand the number of times our ponies were lame in the last five years.
Urghhhhhhhh:eek:

[Bravestrom]

It's not just moving from horse to pony - my older son is moving from his trusted steady mare that he loves to the horse that we initially purchased for him as a 3 year old and that they are finally ready for each other.

he loves his mare but knows that the time has come to let her go and take on the challenge of the younger stronger mare that can take him much further but it is still hard.

The new mare has incredible potential but still green in certain respects so it is a big change to go from a horse that you can do everything with to a horse that you are just not positive of what it is going to do.

They forget how tough it was at the beginning with their fav horse and to start all over again to develop that relationship. They get attached and it is tough on the heart to let go.

[Whisper]

Ouch, hopefully she recovers quickly!

Once she's back in work, maybe if your daughter pretends she's a catch ride, and needs to figure out her buttons, reframing it in that way would help her feel less frustrated? If she's been able to ride lots of other horses/ponies, I'm sure she'll be able to figure this mare out. :)

As to evil ponies, I don't think thats the case for the most part. A lot of people spoil them, and don't correct them for things that they would with a bigger horse, just like some people let their little dogs run riot. :( It's a people problem more than a pony problem, in most cases, IMHO.

[chism]

I can't offer you advice, but can offer lots of support because I'm going through the same thing with my 12 year old. I'm sure a huge part of it is feeling disloyal to their beloved ponies, but it's also hard to start over from scratch with a new one. It's hard on us moms too because we're seeing our confident, lovely riders struggling and we question if we HAVE to move to a horse this year or if we can wait another year (and another...lol) or if maybe it's just the wrong horse even though we know it's probably not. Mine's moving on from a little hotshot of a POA to a slightly hot (forward, not nutty) TB that we've had for years & she's ridden at home for the last two. She has the skills & the confidence but it's hard for her to go from feeling on top of the world to feeling like a beginner again, and if they're competitive types (like mine), it's even worse because they want to be kicking ass & taking names and they're just not there yet with their new mounts. I'm sure at some point next year, we'll look back on this and smile. ;)

[eventmom]

I can't offer you advice, but can offer lots of support because I'm going through the same thing with my 12 year old. I'm sure a huge part of it is feeling disloyal to their beloved ponies, but it's also hard to start over from scratch with a new one. It's hard on us moms too because we're seeing our confident, lovely riders struggling and we question if we HAVE to move to a horse this year or if we can wait another year (and another...lol) or if maybe it's just the wrong horse even though we know it's probably not. Mine's moving on from a little hotshot of a POA to a slightly hot (forward, not nutty) TB that we've had for years & she's ridden at home for the last two. She has the skills & the confidence but it's hard for her to go from feeling on top of the world to feeling like a beginner again, and if they're competitive types (like mine), it's even worse because they want to be kicking ass & taking names and they're just not there yet with their new mounts. I'm sure at some point next year, we'll look back on this and smile. ;)
Exactly!!!
Today she told me that she missed, not working, but just playing on her pony:(

[eventerchick517]

Yea, so comforting hearing this. Hahaha, not. I'm sitting here going, great I get to go through this *hopefully* soon. I'm exactly at the stage of pony & I are kicking butt, winning everything, and I grow out of him. So I get to look for a new horse when he's sold. Yea, these posts are so comforting. Hahaha. ;)