WWYD? Difficult BO situation- UPDATE #2: The dad went OFF on me AGAIN

[Catalina]

UPADTE #2:
After much thought and agony over the situation I typed up a letter stating that I accepted the dad's 30 day notice to move the pony.

I explained to the kid about the situation and how the pony gets mad when she has the muzzle on (and even worse when she is in season) and gets into fights, and how she cannot remaain unmuzzled with full access to hay and grass because she will get fat again and how this is unhealthy. I told her I did not have the facilities to accomodate a pony like that and she would have to find another home. I also told her that it was nothing she had done and I thought she was a good kid, but I her dad was not willing to work with me and I don't appreciate being treated the way he treated me when I tried to discuss the situation. She said he was going to apologize, but I said it didn't matter, I didn't want to potentially be put in that situation again. I gave her the letter and asked her to give it to her dad. I wanted her to understand that it was his behavior that caused this.

Two minutes later the dad stormed out of his house and went off again. Accusing me of destroying his kid's dreams and her life (what? the pony is going to another home, it's not like she won't still have her) and telling me he hoped I could sleep at night knowing what I had done. I told him that it was because of his behavior that it had come to this. He said he was going to apologize and I asked him where he was two days ago. Too little too late he said. Yep.
He then continued to rail on me about how much help the kid has been to me (she has- and I have helped her: let her ride my son's pony regularly; let her ride my horse; taught her about horses and horse care; etc) and he couldn't believe I was doing this to her and how she wasn't allowed to help out anymore. I asked him why he was doing that to the kid and he said I was the one who did it. Amazing.
He then proceeded to call my concerns about the pony ridiculous and said that all I like to do is bitch and complain. Wow. His parting shot was bellowed across the street: "Good luck with the horses" as he violently slammed the door.
He said he was going to do everything in his power to get the pony out of there today. I feel so bad for the kid, but I tried and he didn't want to work with me. Sad.

UPDATE:
[I am feeling really stressed out and upset right now].

Yesterday my trainer came out to give me a lesson and I told her about the pony and asked her advice, which was pretty much what I had been thinking: Depo; limit the muzzle to see if she gets less pissy; isolation. I asked the neighbor girl to ask her parents to come over so I could discuss the possible solutions with them.

The dad comes over and demands to know what the problem is. I explained about the three kicking battles in one week the pony was involved in and about how I was afraid that somebody was going to get hurt. Well, the dad went OFF. Yelling that that is what horses do (she has been in the herd for over a month, more then enough time to settle in) and how he couldn't believe that as the horse expert (I am a backyard horse owner, not a boarding barn and I certainly never proclaimed myself an expert) I didn't know that horses acted that way and he couldn't believe that it had come to this and he was considering it his 30 day notice (I never even implied that the pony had to leave).
He continued to rant and rave and proclaim that my horses didn't look hurt. Where were there cuts and scrapes (WTF? I am supposed to wait until there is a serious injury before I say anything?)?
I explained that the mare was exhibiting very 'mareish' behavior and was agressive towards the other horses when she was in season. We could try some Depo to see if that settled her and seperation to see if that helped.
He then went off on what the heck is this Depo stuff and how he didn't have the time or money to deal with making a seperate area for her.
The kicker though was when he started complaining about hay and about the pony being muzzled. He wanted to know where the $100 a month board money he is paying is going. He complained the the pony has slimmed down and, because of the muzzle, he was not getting his money's worth of hay (I feed round bales and square bales spread out around the field). WTF? Let's see, I am charging you $100 a month, you live right across the street so you are saving tons of money (easily $150-200 a month or more) on gas and board and time shuttling the kid back and forth to the barn. I am not doing this to make money, I am doing it to help out a horse crazy kid. When the pony came she was FAT and she had been living in a massively overgrazed field and was not used to lots of grass. I was not going to chuck her out in my field sans muzzle and watch her founder. I had also planned on taking the muzzle off during the day come fall (which I have since started).

I am at my wits end here and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell him to take the pony, especially since I am afraid of how he will react if something really bad happens, like somebody getting hurt. But it's not the kids fault. This sucks. I don't know what to do....
__________________________________________________ _________________________________
So, say, out of the goodness of your heart you let the horse crazy 10 year old neighbor girl keep her pony at your place.
And say this pony is a 14 y.o. 14.2 h Haflinger mare that is as fat as a tick and said mare needs a grazing muzzle because she is too fat to feel neighbor girl's leg aids when she is riding.
Now say it turns out that Haflinger pony is a wicked pawer and paws huge swaths of grass away creating large bare spots in the pasture because she is pissed about the muzzle.
Pony also is not friendly to the other horses and, even after a month, squeals loudly whenever they sniff noses and spins and kicks out with both barrels. She got the snot knocked out of her when somebody got annoyed and kicked back. Both of them were going at it butt to butt with both hinds. Luckily, it was no more then some superficial scrapes in the end.
Finally, say yesterday, said pony decides to go after the 12.3 h 24 y.o. POA who did nothing wrong. With both barrels, backed into a corner.
Also say that said pony lives out 24/7 with the other pony and a couple of really nice horses.
What does a BO do in this situation?

The Haflinger is in season, so is it out of line to tell horse crazy neighbor girl that she needs to be put on Depo to see if it helps? Stalling her is not an option, nor is seperate turn out. It might be possible to cordon off a small area with stock panels (who pays for that)?

[coloredhorse]

This BO would have a conversation with neighbor girl's parents, along these lines: "Bob and Sue, you know I adore little Janie and her pony, but it's just not working out. I need you to find another place to keep Fattykins by XXXXX date."

If I needed to separate Fattykins in the interim, I would figure out the best way to do that and just absorb any necessary costs. (I would personally create a hotwire paddock for Fattykins rather than buying stock panels.)

[Chief2]

I agree. Tell them she needs to be gone now.

If you don't want to invest in any type of separation fencing, and she will be terrorizinig your horses for a few more days until she can be moved, call around and see if a neighbor will allow you to borrow some panels.

[2DogsFarm]

If you want to keep making the kid happy (and speaking as a former horseless horsecrazy kid) you can isolate Fatso in your sacrifice area and keep hay in front of her that she can get at w/o the muzzle.

No sacrifice paddock?
Then I'd fence off a place for Fatso where she can be by her nasty self and let that become your sacrifice area as she paws it to dust.

But if doing all the footwork is more annoyance then you need, I'd go with coloredhorse's suggestion to let the parents know mare has become Equus non grata (and why) and give them a date to remove her.
Could you keep her separated from the rest of the herd until then?

[Trakehner]

The kid may be horse crazy...who cares. She's a kid. It's the parents job to pay for their kid's pony.

If they won't pay, the BO is not a charity, the pony isn't a no-bother/low-impact boarder...she's a thug hurting other critters at the barn.

Parent's pay for the hassle or the pony finds another home.

[Catalina]

This is really is difficult. I feel bad telling her that her Fat Monster has to go because she (horse crazy neighbor girl) has been a tremendous help to me over the past year or so and it makes her world to have her pony right across the street instead of 30 minutes away. But.... I can't have this thing going after my horses and nailing them repeatedly just because she is such a be-atch. Especially my aged pony. Uh uh :no:.
I am charging the parents essentially the cost of hay only to keep the pony here- they are not going to find a better deal anywhere. Is it out of line to ask them to buy some stock panels to make a seperate area for the Haflinger? They can have them when she leaves?
Should I just take the muzzle off and say 'fine, be fat' and see if her attitude changes?
Should I have them try Depo or something?

[Lori B]

Why not just lay it out for the parents: "This has become a problem. I am happy to have her here under ordinary (non-dangerous) circumstances, but we have to either find a way to separate the pony on this property, or she has to leave. Solving it without having to move pony is going to cost $XX. You will not find a better boarding deal for pony, and your daughter is happy to have her so close. Would you be willing to pay for this panel / fencing improvement to keep pony here?

[xQHDQ]

It seems like there is definitely a way to work this out. I would talk to the parents and not the kid. Give them the option of paying for panels if that will work. Maybe they would be willing to put up some fencing so the pony can have her own paddock. If they can't/won't, then tell them that the pony cannot stay for the safety of your other horses. Offer to help them find somewhere else or advise them about setting up something at their own house.

Good luck.

[SmartAlex]

Give the parents the chance to do the right thing.
Choice:
a. Move Fatty Lumpkins
b. Participate in coming up with a solution.

It isn't wholey your responsibility to come up with all the answers, but do give them as much info as you can come up with for what their options are.

[olympicprincess]

I think them paying for or putting up the new seperate fencing will do it. It's a one-time cost and all should be fine after that. (hopefully)

I wouldn't be upset if my BO approached me with this. They (of course) have the option of moving, but you're not even suggesting that. You just can't leave things this way any longer.

Maybe too the pony won't have to wear the muzzle after she paws up all the grass in her paddock. :winkgrin:

(ahem, Catalina, I just saw your enabling post on my thread... :D)

[pines4equines]

We used to board and this one boarder wanted her horse turned out alone. We had no facilities for that so she paid to have the fencing company come in and fence off a section for her horse.

The fencing had to match existing fencing. Nothing ugly or cheap, just to get fencing up, they had to hire the same fence company we did and put up the same fence.

The horse died at 36 over 10 years ago and that little paddock has become quite useful over the years...

[Sabovee]

Hey L! If you need to make a seperate paddock let me know - I have a way easier/cheaper way to do it than panels.

What about putting her in that little seperate field? Or in the riding ring?

I sent you an email about lessons - did you get it? Can do this Friday if you'd like! :)

[Catalina]

Hey L! If you need to make a seperate paddock let me know - I have a way easier/cheaper way to do it than panels.

What about putting her in that little seperate field? Or in the riding ring?

I sent you an email about lessons - did you get it? Can do this Friday if you'd like! :)

I didn't get your email :(, but Friday around 4:30 (?) is cool. We can discuss fencing then :).

I don't want to put her in the paddock because she was in there for the first week and destroyed a good portion of the grass and Mr Catalina says (and I agree) it is too close to the house to become a dust/mud bowl. Same thing with the riding ring.

[BuddyRoo]

Fatty fat fat pone pone needs a dry lot anyway. So why don't you call the parents, let them know that pony is not doing well in the herd situation AND would probably be happier on a dry lot of her own sans the muzzle so you'd be happy to help them construct a small lot for the pone with some hot wire and t-posts if they're interested in keeping her at your place.

It's not expensive, it's not permanent, and as long as they're willing to chip in on the cost and labor, you're not out much.

Seriously...I would probably say something along the lines of:

"Hey Bob and Sue...I was really hoping this would work out better, but fatty fat fat just isn't getting along very well with the herd. I'm afraid that she's going to get injured or injure someone else--and that's a risk I just don't feel comfortable with. Plus, she's hating this muzzle and would be happier I think on her own dry lot. Problem is, I don't HAVE one of those. I'm sure you understand that I'm trying to keep costs low for you guys but I just can't afford to make this modification out of my own pocket. Would you be interested in picking up some t-posts, caps, tape and a charger and helping me create a little private lot for her?"

[JanM]

I think you need to separate the bully right now, and if that means they have to find another boarding barn then that is their problem. If something happens to one of the other horses because of this horse than you will never forgive yourself, and you could end up with a very expensive longterm problem from damage she'll do to your other animals-or you could end up with a dead horse because of her. Unless Depo or some other drug works immediately you will still have to isolate her.

[lcw579]

I agree with JanM and Buddyroo. Fatty needs to be sequestered for everyone's safety. In the meantime, if you don't have to worry about Fatty foundering just take the muzzle off and let her get fatter until you get her living quarters settled. Hopefully, her attitude will improve and the injury rate will go down.

[Huntertwo]

I would tell them that the situation has gotten out of control with their Haffie and the only solution is for them to buy the panels or she can't stay.

When I wanted my mare separated because she was getting into scrapes, I asked the BO if I could buy the panels and it was no problem.

I'm sure they could scrape up the money to buy them, or even buy them used.

Would it be easier and less costly for them to set up an electric fenced in area instead?

Only problem with taking off the grazing muzzle? You'll probably be stuck taking care of a Foundered pony..

[eventchic33]

There is the homeopathic stuff to give her, Valaria root, calming effect. seems to work good. And since this girl has been such a help to you over the year why not use this as a teaching experience for her. Explain that its a problem and have her come up with the reasons why and how to solve, actively involve her in the process. It's up to us as adults to educate the younger generation. Then you can both approach mom and dad and explain the process. Parents are much happier to fork out money if the child is learning something.

[Catalina]

I am definitely leaning towards the seperate area for Fatty. Question is: what about shelter? I don't have a stall for her, so she would need shelter of some kind. I could put a paddock up against the wood line and behind the barn that would offer some protection. Would this be enough? Or would it be better to bulid one, which means more $$$?
:sigh: I really want this to work out because she is a good kid; I'm just not digging the pony's behavior at all.

[eventchic33]

My ponies in Upstate Ny were kept pastured at all times, no run in etc. They had woods for shelter. They came in for freezing rain. so woods and barn wall should be ok, also its a Halffie, they are tough. maybe there is a spot in the woodline that you could make a 3 sided shelter with using the trees? that would help keep expenses down. Good luck

[FindersKeepers]

Well being in the same shoes of horse crazy neighbor (except that I"m in my mid 20's and foot all my own bills) I "board" my retired girl at a good friend's farm. If she were causing trouble, I would in no way, at all, be upset or offended if she approached me and said "Bailey is really not getting along with the others. We need to seperate her, and if you want to keep her here, you are welcome too, but will need to financially help with this"

As it is, they have a great thing going, and if they formerly boarded fattykins, then they KNOW what a good deal they have. If they aren't willing to help out, well then, you'll have to get tough and tell them they need to move her. You can approach it in a very friendly, non-confrontational way that would prevent them from getting defensive, and let it be their decision.

"Bob and Sue, you know I love having Janie and fattykins here, but lately fattykins mood has changed, and she's really not playing well with the others. We are going to need to give her her own little turnout so she can stay, but I can't afford to do this all on my own. Some ideas I though of were (electric tape, boarding, paneling, etc.) So if you guys would like to run through some pricing of these options and come up with a plan. If you have any other ideas too, please feel free to share. I really want to have this ready to go in the next week. I really don't want fattykins or janie to have to go somewhere else, but it has been a growing issue, and I want to take care of it before fattykins gets hurt."

[Wellspotted]

I loved SmartAlex calling pony Fatty Lumpkin! :lol:

She certainly could use a month or two with him and Tom Bombadil.

But since they're a long way to haul, I agree with those who said solitary turn-out in a dry lot with hay.

If she were mine, I'd be perfectly willing to pay for something like that for her, especially since someone she's bullied might turn around and lay into her. (This recently happened to a friend of mine's "herd boss" gelding--he went to a new place and one of his pasture mates who didn't know "who" he was really laid into him.:( )

[Ambrey]

Well, tell him to go see what that $100 buys elsewhere!

Sounds to me like neighbor guy has a screw loose.

(and double barrel kicking doesn't sound normal to me. Maybe it is, but whenever I've seen horses even doing that between stalls I've told the BM and she's moved one of them).

[ExJumper]

Good riddance to bad rubbish. I understand that you feel bad for the kid, but there is nothing you can do, and you don't want to be in a situation with an unhinged parent like that. "Where is my $100 a month going!" Is he insane? He gave you his 30 days notice. So in 31 days, the pony is either gone or tied to their mailbox.

'Nuff said.

[Lori B]

Sadly for the young lady, there is no reason to put up with verbal abuse from people you are doing something nice for. He is high if he thinks he can get a better more appropriate gig for pony anywhere else, forget about how closeby they are. Idiot.

[BuddyRoo]

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to not respond. Don't do ANYTHING.

That IS a response.

And it usually really freaks people out who are very argumentative and confrontational. They simply do not know what to do with themselves when no one will "fight" back.

I think I'd give it a few days and see if he chills out (an apology would surely be in order!)....and then just say, "I really was confused by your reaction because I wasn't asking you to move the pony, I just needed to make things safe for everyone. But now that you've gotten your other concerns about money, hay, me, etc out in the open, I agree--your choice to move is probably a good one. When you will be picking up pone?"

Morons.

[lcw579]

Don't feel bad - the father is an ass! :eek: Where is his $100 going?! You have got to be kidding me! I'd hate to see what he'd be like if the pony got hurt and he had to pay a vet. :rolleyes: A rational person would have been off to buy supplies already.

I do feel sorry for the little girl with a father like that but that isn't really your problem. Well, daddy dearest will get his comeuppance when he is paying full board and shuttling the daughter to and from. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy. Sheesh.

[Flower's Girl]

What I would do after reading the update - get the pony off my property. If father is reacting that way now, it can only get worse! He should be thanking you for keeping the pony so cheaply and for being concerned about the pony's weight and welfare. You can't win with people like this though, so I'd extract myself from that mess asap!!

[thumbsontop]

Guess what? I just gave my neighbor notice that her kid's horse has to GO!! It feels wonderful! Mind you, I feel terrible for the kid, but I am so relieved.

The parents were divorced and non-horse. They clearly thought they were paying me WAY too much, though I explained that the board fee didn't even cover the costs. I felt like they expected me to wipe the horse's hind end every day because clearly I was taking advantage. They NEVER came over to make sure their daughter was cleaning up after herself, or to check the horse's health.

It's definitely easiest to say that it's not going to work out when you only have one boarder.

Tell the dad goodbye! Invite the girl over to play with your ponies now and then and make sure she knows it had nothing to do with her.

[SmartAlex]

So much for giving the parents the chance to do the right thing.

[King's Ransom]

I'm really sorry this happened. I feel bad for you, the girl, and the pony. That dad -- where do these guys come from? And how do they get that far in life acting like that?

Something similar happened at the lesson barn where King was living when I met him. It was the incident, the final straw so to speak, that made me speak up to buy King ... or ransom him out of there! Some kid's dad went off -- on the HORSE! King was acting his usual grumpy self in the stall, and rather than wait for a barn worker to handle him, this dad busts in there all Rambo-like and goes off on King -- hitting him, jerking his head around, screaming at him. King was terrified, actually fortunately, long enough for a barn worker to get in there and run the dad out. I am afraid that if it had gone on much longer, knowing King, there might have been a dead dad in the stall that day. But, when I saw my good-hearted buddy abused like that, and the terror in his eyes ... and was helpless because he did not belong to me ... that was when I decided to buy him. And I knew that if he were mine, no one would EVER go off on him like that again!

I know those guys, like the one you're talking about, all too well. And I really really dislike them! That little girl -- and her mother -- probably put up with way too much! :no:

[Catalina]

So much for giving the parents the chance to do the right thing.

The dad never gave me a chance to get to that point. I explained what was going on and tried to offer some possible solutions and then BAM, he just went off. Totally irrational. I have never seen anything like that before. He came over with the intention of going off and I never had a chance. The kid did say afterwords that her dad gets cranky A LOT and gets like that A LOT.

[Chester's Mom]

The dad never gave me a chance to get to that point. I explained what was going on and tried to offer some possible solutions and then BAM, he just went off. Totally irrational. I have never seen anything like that before. He came over with the intention of going off and I never had a chance. The kid did say afterwords that her dad gets cranky A LOT and gets like that A LOT.

Which is an excellent reason to let them take Fatty and go elsewhere! You can still be a haven for the kid .... but you do not need Dad to have any reason to be near your barn!!

Accept his 30 days notice IN WRITING right now before he figures out what a great deal he had and tries to leave the poneh with you for the same amount of money but refuses to let you rectify any problems (cuz of course its all 'just the way horses are')

[Angela Freda]

Tell them they can feel free to leave sooner if they find a place and be glad to be rid of them.

When they get out into the real world where 'horse experts' do not put up with that kind of attitude from newbie owners... when he is shelling out $$ for gas and lessons and his horse founders from eating too much and then gets injured cause she pushed it with a bigger horse... well they *might* figure it out, but some never do and those are not worth worrying over.

ETA Oh I forgot, Yo would love to retire to MD, when can he come? :D

[goeslikestink]

If you want to keep making the kid happy (and speaking as a former horseless horsecrazy kid) you can isolate Fatso in your sacrifice area and keep hay in front of her that she can get at w/o the muzzle.

No sacrifice paddock?
Then I'd fence off a place for Fatso where she can be by her nasty self and let that become your sacrifice area as she paws it to dust.

But if doing all the footwork is more annoyance then you need, I'd go with coloredhorse's suggestion to let the parents know mare has become Equus non grata (and why) and give them a date to remove her.
Could you keep her separated from the rest of the herd until then?

agree with this

[trubandloki]

It is sad for the kid but it seems like this is the best option all around. Let them find a boarding place for the Pony.

[goeslikestink]

The kid may be horse crazy...who cares. She's a kid. It's the parents job to pay for their kid's pony.

If they won't pay, the BO is not a charity, the pony isn't a no-bother/low-impact boarder...she's a thug hurting other critters at the barn.

Parent's pay for the hassle or the pony finds another home.
partly agree with this that the bo isnt a charity but you took the pony on as a liviery therefore you should have facilites for all kinds of need for the horse your a livery yard so should already have a section for a-- possible lamintic horse/pony sick horse/pony

if you seperate a small corner of the field using the fencing you already have then its easy
to do with electric tape to make the other 2 corners then put huge water bowl in it it can be with in them same field as the other are in so the horse can then be socialised without getting hurt or hurting others and doesnt have to be muzzled in the process can bring in after all the others arein and turn out before the other go out

if you are a livery yard -- and are advertising a such then you should have proper facilties to cater for new horses comming in, had you done this in the begining you most probably wotn have the problems you are having now, a and by the way it takes some horse ponies more than one month to settle dwon as it all new . friends, envrioment, feeding etc
be fair to both the horse and the onwer regardless of 100$ or not
it s to mantian and care wlefare amnd good management
this is something you can correct easily- also a horse should be quarantined for at least 31 days due to any virus or illness that might show up if the orse is new in-- logical not to put striaght into a field with other baorders unfair on them to

[Catersun]

After that tantrum??? I'd be saying.. Here is your 30day notice... don't let the door hit in the toosh on the way out. Then again, I'm preggo, cranky, and have a cold... so I may be just a bit more grumpy than usual. Seriously.. I'd give him notice to take his formerly fat as a tick pony and kid elsewhere.... really do you need the headache?

[Ghazzu]

I'd tell Dad that you charge $100/month for board, he has to bulid a fence where you designate to dry lot the pissy pony, *and*, BTW, you charge $5000/incident to tolerate verbal abuse. And hand him a bill.

[BeastieSlave]

I think I'd give it a few days and see if he chills out (an apology would surely be in order!)....and then just say, "I really was confused by your reaction because I wasn't asking you to move the pony, I just needed to make things safe for everyone. But now that you've gotten your other concerns about money, hay, me, etc out in the open, I agree--your choice to move is probably a good one. When you will be picking up pone?"

I liked this advice a lot. You are not his daughter or his employee. You are providing a service (for $100). If the pony's causing trouble, he doesn't want to do anything about it, he's not happy and he's making you unhappy, the pony needs to leave.

I'd tell Dad that you charge $100/month for board, he has to bulid a fence where you designate to dry lot the pissy pony, *and*, BTW, you charge $5000/incident to tolerate verbal abuse. And hand him a bill.

I think this is pretty good too if the pony gets to stay!

[Blkarab]

I'd tell Dad that you charge $100/month for board, he has to bulid a fence where you designate to dry lot the pissy pony, *and*, BTW, you charge $5000/incident to tolerate verbal abuse. And hand him a bill.

Ditto--esp the $5000/incident to tolerate verbal abuse. There is no need to put up with that B&llsh$t.

[gieriscm]

After a tantrum like that, no wonder he's divorced! I'd have whipped out a 30-day notice, even if handwritten on a piece of feed bag, to him on the spot.

[JanM]

I hope they do take their horse and leave. I just hope that they don't change their mind and refuse to move the horse when they find out what a real boarding barn costs-and I wouldn't talk to daddy dearest again without witnesses or Aunt Esther's purse nearby. What do you want to bet they either want you to arrange shipping or change their minds and you come back here asking about how to get rid of them? The sad thing is I bet somehow you're going to get verbally trashed all over town by the father. I feel sorry for the daughter but this man sounds potentially dangerous and you should be very careful and watch out for yourself and your animals. Also because the dad is such a nut case I would be very reluctant to have the daughter over-if she gets injured or anything else the dad will sue you into poverty. Also don't have the daughter over if you're alone-make the mother or some other adult come with her--you don't need false allegations from these people. Sorry you have to go through this. Apparently the saying about "no good deed goes unpunished" is true.

[jeta]

This situation is a perfect example of "No good deed goes unpunished".

Frankly, be thankful you got to see this guy in action, so you can see first hand what you are dealing with...and heartily accept his 30 days notice...You can only do so much....

Let me see if I can peg this guy... I bet he really doesn't see the need for DD to have pony....It is just an expense...Oh, and the fact that he has to deal with something that he knows nothing about, bruises his precious ego, so uses intimidation and scream tactics to deal with a situation he doesn't really understand or WANT to be a part of....

BUT to go off on YOU, who is doing his family a HUGE favor....Well, my good will would only go so far being treated like that....

He will realize in time the deal he screwed up......$100 a month for the responsibility of a naughty pony...Hell, the responsibility of a saint pony .....He has no idea.....BUT he will....

Good luck to you and remember you did not fail the little girl, HE did....

[Moesha]

It is so kind of you and wonderful to think of the girl and how much it means to her, but you have to think of yourself. It sounds like the father is clueless on the costs and maintenance of horses...or he is just very cheap and just plain crazy...either way you have to think about your horse, your property and above all the quality and safety of your farm.


If you really want to try to help the girl and keep her pony at your farm you need to have a discussion with the parents...if they don't listen or act like this again, you have to put yourself first.

[Huntertwo]

:eek::eek::eek: He's going off on YOU!!! The person who is only charging him $100 a month for board?

I feel sorry for the daughter, but I'd still give him 30 days notice to find something new. Having horses are home is supposed to be relaxing, not have some Jackarse going off in your face. And for $100? No way!!

[Trevelyan96]

Saddest part is... with an a$$ like that, the poor pony will end up somewhere where something bad happens to it and the kid will be heartbroken. But you are definitely doing the right thing to get them out of there, because the dad sounds like a loose cannon with a screw loose as well.

[2DogsFarm]

Sorry to hear Dad made an A** of himself.
But that should make your solution crystal clear.
Haffie has to go.
Sorry for the kid, but if Dad thinks you're soaking him just wait until he finds out what it really costs to board.

[philosoraptor]

It's your barn. For what this person is paying in board, it's not like it'll hurt you to lose this one boarder. I say to politely ask them to leave. If the pony stays, she gets her own little drylot and the boarding fee goes up to cover this.

The haflinger should go on a diet not because of sensitivity but because it's a health issue bordering on founder risk. Maybe you can print out some pages off the internet & give to the girl to educate her about her pony's needs?

Good luck to you! sounds like the father will complain no matter what you do, so don't feel bad if he gets nasty again.

[Thomas_1]

I don't know what to do....

Charge more and get a better class of customer :winkgrin:

[Catalina]

Charge more and get a better class of customer :winkgrin:

Ah, but I am not a bording barn, I am a backyard horse owner who is doing a huge favor for a horse crazy neighbor girl and her parents. That's the worst part about it and why I am so upset.

The neighbor girl came over yesterday to ride Fat Haffie and told me that the dad calmed down some and 'kind of understands what I was talking about'. Okay, that's great :rolleyes:; where the heck is dad to apologize to me for laying into me on my property about my horse keeping? Nowhere. I saw him across the street while I was riding (their driveway is a stone's throw from my arena), and he never even acknowledged me. Mr Catalina, who being non-horsey, was trying to stay out of it, but now he is upset and wants to go talk to the dad tonight.
I am not thrilled about pissing off the neighbors, especially since the neighbor girl lets the horses out of their stalls every morning after they eat breakfast and feeds them when I am out of town.
Dammit, why did I ever allow the pony to come in the first place. 'No good deed goes unpunished' is too true :(.

[IronwoodFarm]

Remember, the kid isn't the one with the issue. You don't like her pony and her father is not too fond of you. But everyone likes the kid. So, I hope maturity will prevail, the situation will not escalate further, and the adults will work something out.

[flypony74]

I'd say his board bill just went up a couple hundred bucks...

[jazzrider]

Clearly this guy doesn't realize what a great deal it is to have his horse boarded for just $100 at a place his daughter can walk to. He also doesn't understand how critical it is to keep a close health watch on ponies prone to weight issues. As rude as he was, if you really want to give a shot at letting the situation continue for the girl's sake, I would go with the kill-him-with-kindness approach and attempt to educate him a bit about boarding costs in the area and general horse care. Don't let him rattle you -- it's them that need you -- not you that needs them. For $100 you could find a new boarder pretty easily. So if you want to keep her around, chill and let him worry over what an a$$ he was.

And if your hubby is a rational guy, let him go over and explain that his tirade was uncalled for, particularly when you guys are boarding their horse out of the kindness of your hearts, for a discounted cost. And if they want that situation to continue, he needs to apologize and they need to respect your guidance.

Then I'd make that little fatty an electric fence pen. :yes:

[Giddy-up]

The neighbor girl came over yesterday to ride Fat Haffie and told me that he dad calmed down some and 'kind of understands what I was talking about'.

Uh-oh...sounds like Dad might be trying to sort of back peddle. But he'll never admit it & you will never get an apology. :uhoh:

You need to remain tough. You need the pony off your property ASAP. I wouldn't even worry about the 30 day notice--the sooner it leaves the better. The dad will continue to treat you like his doormat & some lower than dirt person who he's doing a favor of paying $100/month to care for his nasty troublesome pony. Is that really how you want to be treated on your own property? I doubt this is the last time you will get the verbal end of his temper. I am sorry the dad is a jerk & the pony is nasty, but no matter how nice the kid is or how bad I felt for her, I personally would not stand to be treated that way on my own property when I am going out of my way trying to be nice & even financially supporting the situation! :mad: I also doubt that her father will pay for any damage (personal or property) that their pony does/causes & will be the first in line to sue if something happens to his Fatty Lumpkins or child. The sooner they leave your property, the better.

If you feel so bad, perhaps you can hire the girl & pay her a little salary to care for your horses as needed? She'll probably need the $$ once her pony is boarded elsewhere & this way her working for you is kept seperate from her boarding the pony with you.

[Haalter]

Just plain WOW. OP, you are a much kinder person than I. I won't tolerate that type of verbal abuse and tearing apart of my program for $700/month, let alone $100!!!

Personally, when there is this type of conflict, I've exercised my contractual right to kick someone out on the spot, none of that 30 day notice business. Dad sounds like a real nightmare and a true liability that needs to be gone, NOW. I learned the hard way that trying to help out a nice kid with crazy parent(s) can backfire in a big way (think threats, stalking, lawsuits, etc.) Get the pony out before something truly bad happens!

[Catalina]

I think you are all correct and the Haffie has to go because I truly believe that the dad will go off again. The original concern that I wanted to discuss with him was no big deal (Depo, seperation, etc) and he reacted like that :eek:. I am afraid of what might happen if the pony gets hurt somehow. It is something I don't want to deal with.

I need to figure out the best way to ask him to take the pony. Quite frankly, he intimidated the hell out of me with his outburst, so I don't want to tell him in person. What is the best way? Write a letter? Intermediate with the kid? Call the mom? Have Mr Catalina tell the dad? Man, this just sucks....

[Huntertwo]

Charge more and get a better class of customer :winkgrin:

Not necessarily so....;)

[ChocoMare]

Let your man step in and be Da Man!

"Mr. So and So....I love my wife and will not tolerate ANYONE going off on her like you did. It is unacceptable and no real man would do what you did. So, here's the deal: 1) you will apologize to her; and 2) you will remove the pony within 24 hours.

Then he walks away.

done.!

[gieriscm]

If you don't want a face to face, send him a certified letter, return receipt requested, that Haffie needs to be gone by X date.

Sadly, I think once he looks at other boarding stables in the area and realizes how much more he'll be paying for board, Haffie will end up at either the Thurmont or New Holland auction, and that nice girl will be without a pony.

[Showponymom Aefvue Mid Atlantic Division]

You tried to do a nice thing for a child, which we all want to do when we see an opportunity to help. But this is your home, it is not a business to make money. You don't need the abuse from a dad that is completely clueless about horses and how to act. I really hope he did not go off in front of his daughter (but I have a feeling he did).

Say I am taking your 30 day notice, here is a list of barns in the area that take boarders. If you need to be trailered there I charge x amount to get you there. Let him pay the rate that boarding stables charge. It is just not worth the abuse he is handing out.

[tle]

However you do it, don't use the kid as an intermediary. She's a kid and should not be put in that position. You can explain the reasons to her if you want, but as an adult you need to communicate to the father yourself, even if it's written (which actually may be better than verbal anyway in this case).

[SmartAlex]

I need to figure out the best way to ask him to take the pony. Quite frankly, he intimidated the hell out of me with his outburst, so I don't want to tell him in person. What is the best way? Write a letter? Intermediate with the kid? Call the mom? Have Mr Catalina tell the dad? Man, this just sucks....


Tie her to his porch railing or door knob.

Better to keep the kid and the Mom out of it. They are your allies. Put it in writing. Have Mr. Catalina go with you, and hand deliver it.

[Giddy-up]

Don't use the kid.

I would send a certified letter stating the pony needs to leave within the next 30 days (use the date he gave you as his "verbal notice"). This way you aren't tossing them on the street tomorrow, but they know they have to leave by ______. And if they get pissy with you--you are only putting in writing what the father told you verbally. :D

Start practicing some phrases for when the whining/complaining starts too cause you know it will when reality sets in.

[atr]

And try to make it clear that you are doing this because of his behaviour, not because of the pony or the kid. Even if you have to go up to him (take Mr. C, but you do the talking) and tell him that he frightened you when he came over, and whilst you were prepared to try and help before, that put the cap on it.

He probably hasn't worked out that there are negative consequences to intimidating people and that it doesn't always get you what you want.

[Laytian]

I need to figure out the best way to ask him to take the pony. Quite frankly, he intimidated the hell out of me with his outburst, so I don't want to tell him in person. What is the best way? Write a letter? Intermediate with the kid? Call the mom? Have Mr Catalina tell the dad?

You need to put it in WRITING. Write it out in a calm, cool, and professional manner but spell it all out and leave nothing ambiguous. Keep a copy of the letter for yourself, of course. Tell him that it simply isn't working out, you're concerned for the pony's health and possible injuries to all of the horses, it would be best for all to find her somewhere else, and that he has 30 days to move her. Make sure you put in some type of contingency should he not follow up on moving her by X date (put the exact date in the letter!) -- something along the lines of, *after October 26, board will be charged at a daily rate of $25 per day.*

In spite of the help that the girl provides you with your own horses, I think you should stop letting her on your property. If she gets hurt or anything happens, the dad will go ballistic, he will likely sue, and things will get very ugly.

What you could use as a rationalization for both ending the boarding arrangement and asking the kid not to come over anymore (either to just hang out, as volunteer help, or as paid assistance) is to refer to the liability issues. Check with your insurance company, and tell the dad that your insurance will not cover a boarding situation and that you are not covered for having a minor on your property (supervised or unsupervised) since you are not a boarding or lesson barn (most insurance co's don't cover such situations without charging for it after all!).

Try to keep it as low-key and professional a letter as possible, but be very clear and very firm.

Get out of the situation with both kid and pony. The dad is Bad News and you don't need a lawsuit. :no:

[Catalina]

What kind of wording should I have in the letter? I really want to make sure that I do this the right way.

[Cherry]

I would say, "Dear Mr. Clueless, during our discussion you have made it clear that you are unhappy with the boarding situation your pony is in so as of (put in a date--maybe "yesterday"? :lol: ) I am terminating our agreement to board said pony. Your pony needs to be removed by such and such a date. Thank you for being so understanding (not :mad: ).", and send it certified mail so he has to sign for it so there is no misunderstanding and no reason for him not to move the pony.

What an insensitive jerk! :uhoh: It's time he learned just how expensive having a pony is and you're just the gal to show him!!!!! ;) You go girl!!!!

Of course, I have no brilliant ideas about what to do if he ignores your letter and chooses not to move the pony.... You might want to call a lawyer now and see what your options are.... ;) I guess you could always start charging him what he should be paying--in other words, start making him pay what he should--stop cutting him any breaks.... ;)

Just remember--"no good deed goes unpunished!". :lol:

[Rebe]

I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on television. But, if I were to write this particular letter, it would say something along the lines of:

"Dear Mr. [insert a$$hat neighbor name here]:

This provides formal notice that your pony, Miss Fatty, is to be removed from the property at 123 Happyhorse Street no later than October 22 (or whatever the date would be). Board of $100 per month will be billed, at a daily rate of $3.30 per day, through October 22. If the pony remains on the property at 123 Happyhorse Street after October 22, board will be billed at an ongoing rate of $25 per day.

Please note that I have contacted my insurance carrier to confirm coverage, and after October 22, your daughter Sweetiepie will not be allowed on my property due to liability issues.

Have a very nice day."

[Giddy-up]

True. As bad it sounds, the girl should probably not come over anymore either. I can see Jerko Dad just looking for a reason. :no:

I think the letter should include the details (loaction, removal date, etc...). And definitely an increase in daily board fees until the pony is removed if it lingers after the move out date. Although I would check what boarding barns around you charge--$25/day for 30 days is $750--the dad being the jerk he is might find that to be a better deal rather than moving the pony.

[findeight]

It does seem no good deed goes unpunished:no:.

Use the certified letter.

Wording something like mentioned above....

"Due to increased expenses and expressed liability concerns we are no longer able to keep outside horses on our property. Board will be billed at 100 or 3.30 a day from October 1st thru October 15th and outside horse may remain from October 16th thru October 31st at the rate of $10 a day. Any/all outside horses MUST be off the property by 6pm October 31st."

BTW does your insurance know you are caring for somebody else's horse? It is valid to "blame" them, they likely are not going to cover any liability or injury caused by one not owned by you. Somebody else, a guest perhaps, gets hurt by this Pony or it gets out and causes damage/injury, you are on the hook with no coverage as you are not covered for care custody and control of outside animals.

It's your property, get rid of them.

[pattnic]

Well, he *did* already say to consider this his 30 days notice... so I say send him a certified letter of acknowledgment and cofirmation of his notice, which cannot be revoked, saying that he will remove the pony from the property no later than X date (30 days from when he went off on you). Also ditto on the major increase should pony not be removed by X date.

I like the idea of letting the girl work for you for a little extra income. It will help send the message that there are no hard feelings against her.

ETA - Just read people's thoughts on potential issues if girl still comes over. I hadn't thought about that... sad :(

[findeight]

OK...how about..

"This is official confirmation of our acceptance of your intent to remove Fattykins from our property no later then 6pm October 25th. Due to increased expenses and specific liability issues we will no longer be able to accomodate outside horses on our property after that date.

Board will be billed at 3.30 per day until Fattykins is removed."

[Angela Freda]

I agree, make it clear that this is written confirmation of his verbal notification of his intent to remove pony.
You're just going along with his wishes.

I would also find out if you can add something along the lines of "If I should have to pursue removing pony from the premises in court, the fees associated with that action, as well as $25/day boarding fee after ______ (date that 30 day notice expires) applies"

[tle]

all good suggestions, but i personally would have a hard time blaming this on insurance when it's really the tude he took with you that is to blame. I'd want to put blame squarely where it should be. But that's just me and such a letter probably wouldn't make it past hte first draft (although it would probably be cathartic to write such a thing even if you deleted it!).. the letters findeight has put together sound very professional

[Moesha]

I wouldn't get your husband involved, yet anyway. You don't want this to escalate further and turn into something that could lead to all sorts of problems down the road. No question he was rude and intimidating and out of line, but sadly that is a part of dealing with "clients", and regardless of a good deal or special favor they were still "clients" in that they were paying to keep their pony with you....just chalk it up to a battle scar from the business and move on.

I agree with the idea of restating his decision to leave, send a certified letter saying that you undersatnad his decision and have another horse coming in or something along those lines and that anytime before such a such a date is fine to move the pony....backhand it into his court he started the play he can finish it....sadly the child looses out on s positive role model like yourself, caring for horses, caring for other people and the lessons and things she could learn from you....but sometimes we do all we can and have to step away :(

Good Luck.

How is Picasso?? Last time I saw you , you had retired him?

[Showponymom Aefvue Mid Atlantic Division]

The certified letter is a great idea but don't say the kid can't come on the property. They may come back and say they were denied access to the pony out of spite. Word it as "your daughter may come and ride/care for her pony with parental supervision. I can no longer let her help care for the horses due to liability issues."

[EponaRoan]

What kind of wording should I have in the letter? I really want to make sure that I do this the right way.

Dear Bully Dad,

Love your kid, hate you, hate the pony. GTFO.

Love, Catalina

Seriously, not worth the $100. Too bad for the nice kid; I'm sure she's used to dealing with backlash from daddy and there's probably worse going on at home. But that's not your problem. And I'd have Mr Catalina either present with you or doing the paperwork on your behalf.

As far as the letter, I'd keep it simple and just say something like:

Dear Bully Dad,

This is official confirmation of our acceptance of your intent to remove FattyPMSkins from our property no later then 6pm October 25. We will no longer be able to accomodate her on our property after that date.

Catalina

[StruckByLightning]

personally, I wouldn't include anything about insurance. Guy sounds like enough of a creep to deliberately try to get you in trouble with your insurance company.

I would stick with certified letter acknowledging your receipt of his 30 days notice and increased rate at which board will be charged if pony is not removed in that amount of time.

I would also probably verbably let him know that any other future outbursts on his part would require the immediate removal of pony. But then, I don't have much tolerance for bad behavior & probably would have caught the pony & handed him her lead that day with instructions he was never to set foot on my property again. :p

I *would* let kid know that this doesn't have anything to do with HER or even really her pony.

[riverbell93]

Much good advice, but I wouldn't ask my husband/boyfriend to act as my daddy and protect me from the scary man by going with me to drop off a letter. If the guy's too aggressive, you call the police. If he's just nasty, you deal with it by not backing down and not hiding behind your guy. Turning your guy into your protector can have much more ugly, long-lasting effects than a simple case of an ugly neighbor.

[findeight]

Keep it simple and do not make any threats you cannot back up.

For instance, you can't force this guy to do anything and really can't do anything if he does make a verbal outburst...other then calling the cops if it is threatening.

Keep it professional and dead on point to the subject at hand, getting rid of the Pony and it's people.

Do you have anything in writing with these people?

[jeta]

I think any mention of the insurance issue will just give this guy ideas......

Dear Mr. Tool:

As per your request on Sept. XX, I accept your 30 day notice....Please find other accomodations for Fattykins as soon as possible. I will gladly refund at the rate of $3.30 per day unused board..

Please have your shipper contact me to arrange a convenient time to remove Fattykins...If Fattykins is not removed as of Oct. XX, the rate of board is increased to $50 per day payable to my lawyer....I will forward necessary payment information in that eventuality....

Sincerly, Your Too Nice Neighbor

[Rebe]

You need to take and keep control of the situation and the "relationship" with your darling neighbor.

You are giving him notice to leave. It doesn't matter that he stated verbally that he was leaving. If you give notice, you are controlling the situation, and he can't decide that he was just kidding and plans to stay. And the notice needs to be sent by certified mail, return receipt, so you have a record that it was received.

Likewise, you don't have to give any reason for kicking him out. You're giving him 30 days, which is an "industry standard" that should hold up nicely, even without a contract. Don't make up anything about insurance, other boarders or any other circumstance. 30 days and he has to be gone, plain and simple. After 30 days, board goes up dramatically - again, your choice, you are in control.

[FindersKeepers]

Catalina,

I would do as others suggested, certified letter confirming his verbal 30 day notice, and if pony is not off property on (whatever 30 day mark is) board doubles or triples, epr day, until pony is gone.

It stinks for the kid, but she can fish it all out in therapy later. I have one of the same male biological counterparts...and she will deal with him later, in her own way.

However, I wouldn't go into her not being on the property in your letter. You can remain a haven for her, from scary dad, just not for the pony. If jkid is over 13, let it be her choice whether she wants to continue to help you out, and maybe make a few bucks, or stop coming over.

[crewgirl34]

I would write:

This is a written notice accepting your verbal agreement on X date to move Dobins within 30 days. If Dobins is not removed by said date, the price of board will increase to $25/day. Also, please be advised that any further verbal altercations will result in immediate notification of the proper authorities.


This way it creates a paper trail that he gave a verbal 30 day notice, and it also addresses his outburst and maybe he'll think twice about screaming his idiot head off the next time he talks to you.

[Catalina]

How is Picasso?? Last time I saw you , you had retired him?

Thanks for asking :). He is 20 now and living the semi-retired life on the Eastern Shore with a great family. He goes on trail rides, jumps occassionally and gets to hang out. His new 'mom' loves him and he is doing good. I miss the old guy, but he was miserable sitting around my field doing nothing.

How is your guy? Still doing the A/O Jumpers? Now that I have gone over to the dark side (eventing), I haven't been to a jumper show in years. I miss it.

[Catalina]

Do you have anything in writing with these people?

Yes, thank goodness. I have a boarding agreement and a liability waver signed by them. The boarding agreement does state that I can give them 30 days notice for any reason.

[Showponymom Aefvue Mid Atlantic Division]

Yes, thank goodness. I have a boarding agreement and a liability waver signed by them. The boarding agreement does state that I can give them 30 days notice for any reason.

Make a copy of it, put it with the certified letter, increase the board after the 30 days. Stick to your guns, if you back out, you are only going to regret it later.

[Haalter]

Rough situation, eh? You've gotten a lot of great advice on this thread, and I really hope you follow through and get these folks out ASAP.

I agree about not bringing insurance/liability issues into the picture. The dad really doesn't need to know you're worried about this, as it might motivate him to get really ugly. Stick to the facts, be firm, you *will* get through this, and will likely feel a great sense of relief once the pony is gone.

Absolutely agree also about raising the board significantly once the specified date passes. I recently had a "squatter" who didn't hesitate to complain about anything and everything at my barn, yet didn't want to leave after her notice date had passed - now that's another nightmare you don't want to get into! Since he's already complaining about $100/month, raising the board rate significantly should motivate him to seek other options in a timely manner.

[Nicker]

Personally I would make a phone call before mailing a letter. A simple, "It's not working out. Please have pony gone by such and such date." Do not go into detail, make it short and sweet.

After the phone conversation; type up a notice, add copy of contract and mail it certified. If he tries to contact you to discuss the situation and/or wants you to change your mind, DON'T! Keep all conversations on neutral ground, even after the pony is gone he will still be your neighbor.

Your a big girl, there's no need to involve hubby, unless the nut threatens you physically.

[JanM]

I like Jeta's idea-$50 a day after the horse needs to be removed. And don't call these people or have anything to do with them except the certified letter accepting their notice to leave. You have to watch out for your animals, your property, and yourself--people who are enraged do all kinds of things that they claim to regret later and if daddy dearest comes on your property call 911 unless he has the kid and a horse trailer with him and loads up and leaves quickly-don't get anywhere near this man for any reason. Also lock everything up that is portable in the barn-you don't want anything disappearing when the horse leaves.

[ESG]

UPDATE:
.

Yesterday my trainer came out to give me a lesson and I told her about the pony and asked her advice, which was pretty much what I had been thinking: Depo; limit the muzzle to see if she gets less pissy; isolation. I asked the neighbor girl to ask her parents to come over so I could discuss the possible solutions with them.

The dad comes over and demands to know what the problem is. I explained about the three kicking battles in one week the pony was involved in and about how I was afraid that somebody was going to get hurt. Well, the dad went OFF. Yelling that that is what horses do (she has been in the herd for over a month, more then enough time to settle in) and how he couldn't believe that as the horse expert (I am a backyard horse owner, not a boarding barn and I certainly never proclaimed myself an expert) I didn't know that horses acted that way and he couldn't believe that it had come to this and he was considering it his 30 day notice (I never even implied that the pony had to leave).
He continued to rant and rave and proclaim that my horses didn't look hurt. Where were there cuts and scrapes (WTF? I am supposed to wait until there is a serious injury before I say anything?)?
I explained that the mare was exhibiting very 'mareish' behavior and was agressive towards the other horses when she was in season. We could try some Depo to see if that settled her and seperation to see if that helped.
He then went off on what the heck is this Depo stuff and how he didn't have the time or money to deal with making a seperate area for her.
The kicker though was when he started complaining about hay and about the pony being muzzled. He wanted to know where the $100 a month board money he is paying is going. He complained the the pony has slimmed down and, because of the muzzle, he was not getting his money's worth of hay (I feed round bales and square bales spread out around the field). WTF? Let's see, I am charging you $100 a month, you live right acroos the street so you are saving tons of money (easily $150-200 a month or more) on gas and board and time shuttling the kid back and forth to the barn. I am not doing this to make money, I am doing it to help out a horse crazy kid. When the pony came she was FAT and she had been living in a massively overgrazed field and was not used to lots of grass. I was not going to chuck her out in my field sans muzzle and watch her founder. I had also planned on taking the muzzle off during the day come fall (which I have since started).

I am at my wits end here and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell him to take the pony, especially since I am afraid of how he will react if something really bad happens, like somebody getting hurt. But it's not the kids fault. This sucks. I don't know what to do....

It's very simple, hon - kick pony and asshat dad down the road. It sucks for the kid, but you can't continue to finance someone else's horse, at the risk of your own. When asshat dad has to move and discover how much horses [I]really cost to keep, pony will probably be put up for sale. Sucks, but that's reality, and asshat dad needs to know this. Unfortunately for horse crazy 10 year old, you can't fix stupid, so all and sundry will have to go down the road and figure out things on their own. Don't get sucked into this any more than you have, and don't put your own horses at risk.

[ESG]

What kind of wording should I have in the letter? I really want to make sure that I do this the right way.

Oh, come on, girl! You're not a child! If you can't come up with your own verbiage, pay a hundred bucks and hire an attorney to write a letter for you! Jesus, suck it up and grow a pair, will you? No wonder asshat dad thought he could talk to you like that; he can! :rolleyes:

[Thomas_1]

Charge more and get a better class of customer :winkgrin:


Not necessarily so....;)

Trust me you can indeed charge them till you like them ! :winkgrin:

Ah, but I am not a bording barn, I am a backyard horse owner who is doing a huge favor for a horse crazy neighbor girl and her parents. That's the worst part about it and why I am so upset. I'd be upset too if I'd allowed myself to be used and was doing favours for, or subsidising some obnoxious sod's expensive lifestyle hobby!

Truth is though that isn't what you're doing. You're charging. You've a contract. You've got notice clauses. You've even got some sort of insurance waiver!

Truth is though you've got yourself in to a commercial arrangement and you're charging for something you're not able to manage.

Perhaps now you will have come to appreciate why boarding horses and running a business isn't for duffers and why it requires a degree of experience and competence (wit and wherewithall)

[Curb Appeal]

I don't think is was really appropriate to give the girl all the details about dad's behavior.

A simple, "I'm sorry your pony can't say anymore, but I am no longer able to accomodate her needs. You did nothing wrong, and we need to do what is best for your pony." would have been better.

[JanM]

I just read update #2-WOW!!! This man is totally delusional and I hope the horse does leave today. He has put you on notice that he is irrational and vindictive and you need to protect yourself and your animals first. If you don't have locks and chains on the pasture gates you need to do it now-his remark about 'good luck with the horses' sounds like a threat, and his daughter shouldn't ever be on your property or near your animals again--this man sounds impulsive, enraged, and angry and sounds like you might want to ask about restraining orders in case you need one--also if you don't have your land marked with 'No Trespassing' signs you need to find out from the police about the legal requirements to protect your property and possibly prosecute a trespasser. I know I sound like an alarmist but you need to be prepared to defend yourself legally until this lunatic finds another person to focus his attentions on. There is no chance of a civil relationship from this point forward and you have to accept that. We are all raised to be nice and accommodating to other people and that makes us seem vulnerable to bullies like this jerk--take care of yourself and watch your back. I agree with the posters that think the pony will probably be sold, or foisted off on some unsuspecting boarding barn owner who never gets paid by daddy dearest-I hope I'm wrong but I doubt it.
Considering his violent outbursts and other bad behavior and since they live across the street they shouldn't be allowed to bring a vehicle on your property (I would worry about him nailing a few buildings or fences or running over someone on his way out accidentally on purpose). Walk the horse to the edge of the property, hand the leadrope over and have someone take their stuff to the property line also, and if you feel threatened I would ask the sheriff's department to send a deputy to supervise.

[StruckByLightning]

Egads. At the least, I would put up the "no trespassing" signs, lock gates & tack rooms, and honestly I would probably arrange to have someone video the entire thing while they get the pony.

Most likely, he's just a jerk who loses his temper & yells but never does anything else. And may even actually cool down later & admit he should apologize. BUT there isn't really any point in taking the risk that he isn't a bit more agressive than that. Personally, I wouldn't escalate it with bringing in the sheriff ...there isn't really any stepping back from that and they are neighbors (ie, you still have to live by them; they aren't just boarders you're never going to see again).


Good luck.

[BuddyRoo]

Good grief.

The guy has issues it seems.

I know the confrontation sucks, and it sucks for the kid...but you cannot be responsible for everyone else. The guy is an asshat and a volatile one at that.

This will blow over soon. Just hang in there and get the pony out.

[cranky]

I just love how you, as a neighbor are suddenly supposed to be somehow responsible for his child's life, dreams & happiness! Sheesh!

[Bluey]

That fellow and family definitely seem to have some problems.
Don't let them become yours.:eek:

[Hazelnut]

Painful, but its over now.


The young lady could still help you out if you want her to...

Shame you live across the street from them...hope the Dad doesn't make things more difficult.

[Cherry]

Well, let's hope it's over.... :winkgrin:

I don't mean that in a bad way but people always have a way of surprising us.... :uhoh:

Try not to be too stressed out over this. Call a girlfriend or two, have them come over and have a little wine and cheese tasting party. In a couple of hours you'll forget all about your little problem--it may not be over, but you won't care.... :lol: Or leave hubby in charge and go out with the girls for a Mojito.... ;) But don't leave the property unguarded at this point.... :no:

This is the OP's problem--you know that???? If he'd have acted like a responsible adult this wouldn't have ended the way it did.... You can't act like a jerk and expect to be rewarded for it.... :eek:

Take a deep breath and a sip of wine.... :yes:

[King's Ransom]

Sorry it went this way. Be wary of this guy, he sounds like he has a hair-trigger. Also, if you feel safe with this, keep an eye on that girl. She may be putting up with more than you know. It would be nice if you can let her know that you have a safe place to run to if she needs it. Maybe you don't feel comfortable with that, and that's fine. But if you do, it might make a big difference in her life.

I would have been mortified if someone had said that to me when I was married to a batterer ... but I would have filed it away as useful information, too. When I finally did run, I thought that I had nowhere to go. I just ran and ran and ran ... for a long time.

[Angela Freda]

UPADTE #2:

He then continued to rail on me about how much help the kid has been to me (she has- and I have helped her: let her ride my son's pony regularly; let her ride my horse; taught her about horses and horse care; etc) and he couldn't believe I was doing this to her and how she wasn't allowed to help out anymore. I asked him why he was doing that to the kid and he said I was the one who did it. Amazing.

He then proceeded to call my concerns about the pony ridiculous and said that all I like to do is bitch and complain. Wow. His parting shot was bellowed across the street: "Good luck with the horses" as he violently slammed the door.
I leased my horse to a girl for free (meaning she paid to board him or in her case she cared for him at her own place).
When she and her mentor and mentors husband came to try the horse after having tried so many $5k horses for sale to buy, they raved about his training (mostly done by moi) and his soundness.
Fast forward 6 weeks, the horse was off- because she failed to keep his stifles sound (through regular trotting, she preferred racing about at a canter a la Roy Rogers). Then one night I find she has forgotten to water or hay him, but fed him a full bucket of dry pellets and left him in the barn that was locked from the inside. When I called them on it is when I hear what a hidesous situation this lease was for the kid, how my horse was lame, I rode like crap, etc, etc.

Some people can not see what is in front of them for the color their own prejudices and selfishness puts on it (ie: The horse was sound when they took him and lo and behold after 6 weeks of THEIR CARE is 'lame' and 'needs injections' and their 'care' could have killed him)
Those people will never be rationalized with.
Do not even bother.
Be glad to be rid of them and seriously consider every potential before doing any good deed ever again.

[Angela Freda]

Egads. At the least, I would put up the "no trespassing" signs, lock gates & tack rooms, and honestly I would probably arrange to have someone video the entire thing while they get the pony.

Actually great point- take dated pictures of every angle and of every leg from every angle of this pony before it leaves so that any rumors or accusations can be put to rest quickly.
Get Dad/adult to sign something stating they are leaving with pony in fine shape, and with all their possessions, so they can not claim you stole/kept anything or hurt pony.
I mean it.

[thumbsontop]

I'm glad you've had the discussion...but when is the pony going? Soon I hope!

The only thing I would have perhaps done differently is to leave mention of the dad completely out of the conversation with the kid. She would have known anyway, but to tell her this was her dad's fault could create tremendous resentment and isn't terribly fair to the girl.

I know alot of the reason I let my boarder go is because her dad never paid on time, drove his truck through my yard, sped down to the barn, and generally just acted like a jerk, but I didn't share that with the kid. She was 14 and certainly knows her dad is a jerk, but I didn't need to point that out in an already hard situation for her.

Hopefully things will settle down in the neighborhood!

[Catersun]

Good Heavens.... my two year old is more mature than that man.... maybe he needs to try some depo to control that temper. Poor Kid.

Catalina.... I suspect that this is not going to be over when the pony is moved. I'm sorry, I really am, cause that could have been really cool had it worked out.

[Catalina]

The pony is leaving in a week or so. She is going back to where she came from; a small, low key lesson barn where the kid has lessoned for 2 years or so.

The situation just keeps getting wierder. The kid was over this weekend, helping me out with the horses and acting completely normal. She doesn't seem upset much by the move and I mentioned to her that it would be nice to be around kids her own age that she could ride with and her instructor. She agreed and said that it was too bad the horses couldn't get along, but that's just the way it is. She is really a cool kid and mature beyond her years.
I did debate long and hard about what to tell her about the dad, but in the end I decided I wanted her to learn that that kind of behavior does not get you anywhere. I didn't put down or insult the dad in any way, I just mentioned that I didn't appreciate being yelled at when I was trying to find a solution to a problem (which, from what I understand, is his M.O.).
A friend of mine, who is also a friend of the mom, said the dad is very hair-triggered and hot-tempered and goes off all the time, then calms down and gets over it. I sure hope that is the case.
When the kid came over I let her know that I had no problem with her being there and helping out and even riding my son's pony as long as it was okay with the dad.
:sigh:

[Lori B]

The trouble with guys like that (the explosive temper crap) is that people go around apologizing for them, putting up with them, etc. and they never seem to have to clean up the messes that their idiot temperament creates. Good for you for not putting up with it or letting other folks smooth it over for him. You may not be able to fix him, but you don't have to let people treat you that way. I can't stand bellowers and screamers and trash can kickers. I always think that their parents must have let them get their way via tantrums or something. Sorry for the daughter, though.

[RileyMonkey]

If I were you, I would back away from the kid. As a parent I would be very upset if you decided what my child should learn about appropriate behaviour, even if I happen to be an a$$. It really wasn't your place to have that conversation or send a letter via the child. You're putting the kid in a terrible position between the person who lets her ride and her Dad.

I agree, the pony had to go and he was out of line. Hope it all clears up soon.

[Wellspotted]

The dad's a bully. I wonder if he acts the same way towards other men, or just to women and children, because women and children let him get away with it.

Wish you could sneak a dose of Quietex into his feed or something. Sounds like a shot of it before he goes into situations where he's gonna have to meet with people might help him. :lol:

I'm sorry you've had to deal with the bully. I'm glad the pony's leaving, better lose a boarder than have to deal with the dad. I second what the others said about talking to the daughter anymore or having her around. I think you are trying to be nice to them but there are some people who, the nicer you are to them, the worse they treat you. Give it up and be nice to yourself and to people who love you. Maybe one day when the daughter's of age she will come back and reap the benefits of having known you and knowing you again. 'Til then, remember, she's a minor, after all. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face (as my mother always used to say. ;) )

[EponaRoan]

Wish you could sneak a dose of Quietex into his feed or something. Sounds like a shot of it before he goes into situations where he's gonna have to meet with people might help him. :lol:

Gelding might work too. :lol:

Speaking as the grown daughter of someone similar to the kid in question, I'm sure she already knows her dad is an assh*le. If she's not acting in a similar way, just let it go and stop telling her how you feel about her dad. There's not a whole hell of a lot she can do about it at this point in her life.

[Wellspotted]

Gelding might work too. :lol:


:lol: :lol:

Catalina--

Get yourself one of those baseball caps that say "Geld 'em" and wear it when the dad comes to get the pony. Then toss it out quick before hubby comes home.

[JanM]

I know that you want to be nice to the kid, but if anything happens to her on your property or on your pony you are going to be sued for everything you own, and the father already has a problem with you because you stood up to him-I'm sure he holds grudges and will be looking for a way to make you miserable. You need to protect yourself and your property-you are the number one priority and you need to be careful.

[olympicprincess]

I really didn't expect any of this!

Though in looking back, I could tell you had a sense that something would go wrong (and I didn't see this coming AT ALL)... and you were right!

*fingers crossed* that nut case is outta your barn soon!