Lousy Timing!!!!! (Rant) - UPDATE: She Arrives Friday!

[dressagetraks]

Grrrrr!!!

I just received a note from my trainer telling me about a neat mare she thinks would be great for me.

I do intend to add another broodmare before next year, had done window shopping, really took a good window look at one, but nothing definitely; my plans are still an undecided "some mare" that I'd like to add to my ranks before spring breedings in 2009.

At the moment, though, I am totally roped to the farm due to my mother, with increasing Alzheimer's and physical problems. September is the month of doctor's appointments and starting Medicaid application and such; she will be placed as soon as is possible, soon as Medicaid gets approved for nursing home benefits, a bit of an issue since Mom isn't 65 yet, and they seem to assume that if you aren't 65 yet, you can't be bad enough to need a nursing home, so they want extra doctor proof (working on it, working on it). I am at the limit of endurance. I work from home, but I can't keep working and dealing with Mom. I've kept her here nearly 3 years; I have done all I can. But to say that I am dealing with other things right now would be an understatement.

In a couple of months, when the dust settles, I was going to resume life, resume lessons, go horse shopping, and get my horse breeding business back on track.

My trainer goes all over the country and has the best matchmaking skills equine to human I have ever known. She is brilliant at it. I have acquired three horses on her recommendation, sight unseen on two of those, and they were all wonderful deals. The trainer doesn't tell everyone about everything, either; she is extremely concerned about precise fit personality wise, situation wise, riding level wise. She has no interest in just moving horses for people. It has to be right for YOU. I can only think of four horses she has recommended to me in over 12 years, and three of those I bought. If she thinks this mare is great for me, I have to put extreme weight behind that assessment. The few details she mentioned do sound like a perfect fit for what I was planning to look for in a few months anyway, and by the way, trainer did not know I was (going to be) looking.

But NOT NOW!!!! I wasn't going to horse shop now. I'm dealing with too much else. In a few months, I will be in a MUCH better position energy wise, time wise, financially, and every other way with the drain of Mom's presence here, its demands, and the subsequent impact on my job gone.

I didn't want a new horse now. In a few months. But the person in the world whose judgment on horse matching I value beyond all others has just told me about a horse now and for which they are "eager to make a deal!"

Why can't it be 2-3 months from now already?

[BuddyRoo]

Can your trainer buy the horse now and you buy in a few months?

Can you talk to owners and pay a fee monthly til you CAN take the horse?

If it's THE HORSE you might be able to work something out.

[Melzy]

Listen to your own gut instincts. As you said, "NOT NOW!!!" Plain and simple.

And please don't be foolish enough to think by placing your mother in a nursing home will ease your stress and have your life return to normal. God bless you for helping her. Additionally, if you are your mother's POA, expect way more complications. I took care of my ill mother for the last 3 years of her life. It sucked the life out of me at the time but I don't have any regrets now.

Horses come and go all the time but you only have 1 mother. JMHO

[dressagetraks]

Oh, believe me, I'm not expecting stress with Mom to vanish when she is placed. We went through this with both of her parents - including years with them in the nursing home. Mom visited at least once a week - round trip of 200 miles. I will visit her regularly.

But waking me up in the middle of the night to find out what time it is, the constant worry (and very real danger) every step she takes that she is going to fall, her trying to get out on the rain-soaked porch at 3:00 a.m. to chase wild animals (real or imagined) with a broom because SHE wasn't going to let THEM win, the fact that I have to put in nearly 80 hours a week of effort to get in 40 hours a week worth of work with the constant distractions - that will improve. There will still be stress. But things will be better when she is under 24/7 supervision by a group of people and not solely by me. It has become a job far larger than one person can handle, even if I didn't have to work besides.

She has loved watching the horses and seeing her first foal daily from birth through his yearling year.

[Blkarab]

Dressagetraks,

I understand what you are going through. I lost my father in December to COPD and Osteoporosis, and the last couple of years were beyond difficult. My parents live over 2 hours away, and everytime the phone would ring, I would wonder if it was my Mom calling to tell me that Dad was back in the hospital. He lived at home until the last couple of weeks of his life and my Mom took care of him. It almost sucked the life out of her. She is finally starting to enjoy herself for the first time in 4 years, without having to worry about my Dad. You have my jingles and my prayers.

I don't have any advice to give you in regards to buying the new horse. Is it something that you think your Mom would enjoy watching until you could place her in the assisted living center? Would the trip to view the horse, give you a much needed break? Do you have someone that could watch your Mom while you go away for a day or so? Would it be feasible to wait a few weeks until things settle down a bit with the appointments, etc to go and look? Could you place a deposit down to hold the horse, and explain the circumstances to the owner?

I wish you the very best in dealing with your Mom. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or a cyber hug.

Blkarab

[dressagetraks]

I have just made an offer to pay board and a small fee for the mare to hold her through November at latest until I can get to see her (yes, the placement for Mom is most likely that close; I are pushing with everything and was even before hearing about this. Not to get rid of Mom, but because my best simply isn't enough anymore, and she literally is not safe here any longer. Mom is my lifelong best friend. I absolutely hate having to uproot her from the farm). But that way, the mare would not cost current owner anything on upkeep.

I have more details now on the mare, including bloodlines. Won't repeat them here right now, lest others who read want her, too (which others who read would), but suffice it to say, they are rare, deceased, and I would LOVE to get this line into my broodmare band.

If they can't hold her, I understand. Two months, that's all I'm asking, and the mare stays there. If this doesn't work, then it wasn't meant to be.

[pintopiaffe]

Awww... I am hope-hope-hoping for you the offer works. If it is MEANT to be, it will. If it is not... it won't.

Sometimes we want the nice big french doors to open, and they don't... we have to wait a season to see the window on the south side let in the spring sun.

Timing is everying... and awful. What I am reading in this is that you are putting family needs well above your own. And that is right. Hard, but right. It will not go unnoticed.

It may not be this mare. If it isn't, it's only because there is a better one out there. Really.

(((hugs)))

[danceronice]

Dressagestracks, I will say, with an Alzheimer's patient a home is the best place for them, especially if as with my grandmother's case there's dementia involved as well. Your stress won't disappear but it will go down a lot when you're not worrying about your Mom. Jingingling for you that things go well and they hold that mare for you!

[dressagetraks]

I have two months :D, and then I have to fish or cut bait. But provided life has sort of stabilized by then and Mom is settled, I can't imagine turning her down. She is a find and will be a great addition to my broodmare band. :yes: Thank you to a nice and understanding owner for giving me a chance.

[pintopiaffe]

:D

I just checked pg 2 for any updates to this post a couple hours ago... almost bumped it...

That is AWESOME! It gives you some breathing room. Crossing everything for you that in two month's time, the timing IS right. ;)

[dressagetraks]

I am psyched. A very nice piece of news on which to end an incredibly difficult day.

[BasqueMom]

Sounds like you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope all goes well!

Julie

[dressagetraks]

UPDATE:

Mom is placed. Paperwork is winding down. My job and production are winding up. I can sleep again, and I can work again. I do visit Mom weekly, but it was far too much for one person. Try to work productively while simultaneously trying to calm down someone who is convinced again every 2 minutes or so that the kitchen is on fire, the home is being broken into, or the refrigerator is possessed. It doesn't work. I've realized since her placement, and also with expert opinions of the nursing home staff and the medical review board for Medicaid weighing in, that I kept her here well beyond my ability and endurance. My only regret is that she has the disease; I did everything I could for her. I still visit, and I'm doing a Christmas concert there in a few weeks as a gift to all of them. God bless all workers in nursing homes. There isn't enough money to pay them what they deserve.

Now to the mare. She is tall, black, gorgeous, already inspected, has had 3 awesome foals (2 by a Trak, 1 by a Holsteiner), is an easy breeder, is only 11, and she arrives Friday. :)

On to 2009!

[aspenlucas]

Great news on the mare, pictures??? Nursing homes, you must have found a great one. In college I volunteered 10 hours a week at one next door that was amazing. I cannot say that about the one my grandfather died in. He picked up the disease that killed him there, and basically they drained almost everything my grandmother had in savings. But when you find a good one you find a good one, just too bad they all can't be so superb. Take care you did the best for her.

[dressagetraks]

Pictures soon. My digital camera is having a few issues at the moment. Basically, I can take pictures but can't get them off the camera or do anything with them. We're working on that.

Yes, this is a wonderful nursing home. I put her in the one her parents were in for 8 years, as first we knew it was a good one, and second, since Mom visited all the time, anyone on staff over 2 1/2 years there knows her. Many of the workers are there long term and remember Mom (and are shocked, but they don't say that to her). I even had someone the other day in the hall remark as she walked by how much I look like my Grandmother.