Don't you just hate when...

[Julz]

... someone, another 'local breeder' comes to your farm to look at horses who are just brought out of the field, (needing a trim, etc.), and they take it upon themselves to slam you to other breeders about what 'poor condition' your horses are in, calling them 'lame', and then having the nerve to tell others later, at an inspection, that your horses were 'near death'?

Maybe she thought it would improve her position to purchase said mares; maybe she thought it would make her look better to the breeding public. I just don't get what her axe was to grind...

Funny, said mare just scored really well at her inspection. Hardly believable for one who was so badly off last fall. If I could post pics, I would, for reference.

I had never noticed such back stabbing attitude among breeders. I thought most people that I had encountered were really supportive and encouraging. This has obviously thrown me, and maddened me.

As a breeder, do you find that this kind of attitude is becoming more prevalent with sales being down? Do I need to screen people a little harder before allowing them on the farm? Or is this just an isolated incident? Anyone else encountered similar- how did you handle it?

BTW, I personally had not listed these horses for sale, but had a friend put up some ads, letting her handle potential buyers due to my poor health. I guess I won't go that route again. I never suspected that I would need to watch my own back like this.

[Sakura]

The best thing you can do is to live your life and conduct yourself/business so that her gossip is unsubstantiated. People will get her number quickly.

Yes, I have encountered the same kind of thing. Had a young woman spreading rumors about my stallion and gossiping about my barn (someone who to my face was a kiss ass)... She was trying to redirect people to her stallion and some of his foals. Since then I have corresponded with her minimally... I don't have time/energy to have people like her in my life.

[Julz]

Thank you. I am not alone then...

[Sakura]

Thank you. I am not alone then...

Nope... and I have also learned that people who gossip to you, will gossip about you.

[arena run]

One other thing I've found... the sweeter they are to your face, the more vile the venom they spit when you're not around. sylvia

[Jaegermonster]

No you aren't alone and ditto what the others have said. Some people don't have enough business of their own that they have a burning need to talk about everyone else's.

[graystonefarm]

Julz, just remember that those who behave like that create bad karma for themselves. I do believe that what comes around, goes around.

Over the last year or two, I too have had similar experiences. First you experience the hurt, then the anger, then withdrawal, but then you come back even stronger because of it.

The truth always reveals itself in time. ;)

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[cloudyandcallie]

I wouldnt buy from a breeder who disses other breeders, just like I try to not board with BOs who diss other BOs. however, after I've moved into some barns, over my asking them not to run down other BOs and boarders, I've heard things I did not want to hear.
I like it when a breeder says that someone else's horses are nice, and doesn't go around trashing the horses' conformation or bloodlines.
if a breeder has to do that to make a sale, there is something wrong with her/him, and I think most of us buyers know that. After all if a breeder will trash you, she/he will trash the next person.

[tri]

I think it is fairly common. The nicer they are to you, the more they are nasty about you behind your back. Quite a few on this forum actually.

[TKR]

It's all about character, insecurity, bad manners, jealousy,ego and ignorance as well as the desire for attention and to be thought of as "knowledgable". Unfortunately, (for them) the horse world is rather small and the word gets out rather fast regarding who to deal with and trust and who is low rent. I think it simply tells others that you can't stand on your own and need the crutch of a negative comparison to elevate yourself or what your have or represent. If you can't stand on your own merit, and must diss or trash another or another's horses/farm/stallion, etc. to make yourself and your own look good, then you're a loser and no one respects that sort of behavior or logic. It is much more classy to say something nice and be glad (sincerely) for someone else's success -- it would be pretty boring if I (or anyone else) was the ONLY one who had a nice horse! So, just stand on your own merit and values and let your horses' condition, pedigree, talent and scoring set them apart on their own merit -- that's the bottom line that everyone remembers. You only get one chance at a good reputation -- if you blow it, you've cooked it for good. JMHO!
PennyG

[Julz]

Thanks bunches, and reminding me about the 'sickly sweet.' What has our world come to?

[egontoast]

It's a little crass to say so but the best 'revenge' is to do well.

Why can't you put up pics of your horses? get a website, put up your pics and successes.

[Ajierene]

Thanks bunches, and reminding me about the 'sickly sweet.' What has our world come to?

It hasn't come to anything - people have always been this way. Just the facts of life - some people cannot handle other people being successful or think the only way they can look good is to make other people look bad. You will find this no matter where you go, inside or outside the horse world.

Like others said - just ignore it, resist the urge to talk bad (naming names) about others and continue to succeed and you will do fine.

[foxhavenfarm]

Thank you. I am not alone then...

Nope, you sure aren't. :winkgrin:

It's unfortunate though isn't it...

[YankeeLawyer]

I wouldnt buy from a breeder who disses other breeders.


I am always suspicious of people who trash others and can't manage to say anything nice about other people's horses. Why should I think their horses are so great if they can't recognize quality elsewhere? Plus, it is highly unprofessional for a breeder to speak poorly of other breeders. Ultimately, I think doing so tends to backfire anyway. You have to wonder what that person is saying about you behind your back if they are in the habit of acting like that.

I try to surround myself with good people whom I respect. I find my friends inspiring and I admire them. I don't have the time or patience to mess around with the sort of shenanigans described by the OP.

[Whitfield Farm Hanoverians]

My sister's best friend just passed away from ALS. What a wonderful woman she was. When whe was around you she made you feel like you were the most beautiful, talented, special person on earth. She wasn't fake, just really tuned into you & trully loving. No back stabbing. She had an aura of peace & gentleness about her that is so often missing & also so often overlooked in today's fast paced world. I think of her often & wish we could all be like Jan was. Just too good for this earth I guess.
I think all you can do is concentrate on the good people & try your best to stay away from the "others". Sorry one of the "others" came to your place.

[ShowjumpersUSA]

I had a similar experience recently when an in-law of one of my children came to visit our farm. It was funny, really.... with all the beautiful horses and foals on our farm she singled out the only shaggy looking critter on the place, a rescued pony we are rehabing. She very kindly (sweet as honey) told me it would be nice if we cleaned that pony up! Never mentioned the other horses. LOL What a piece of work!

"Cruelty is the fruit of jealousy," even when it makes no sense to you, that's what it's all about... jealousy. Being confident of what you know to be true is the best defense against hurt feelings when these things happen.

[pintopiaffe]

t's a little crass to say so but the best 'revenge' is to do well.

And revenge is a dish best served cold, with a nice little side of justice.

Trust me, it gets even better when you are badmouthed on the 'net. Big world/small world... either way... It hurts DEEPLY, most especially when it's not true.

But when you can lift your head up and present your horses and WIN... Or produce really nice foals who inspect fabulously, *consistently*... etc. there's this extra little spark of pleasure in proving them wrong.

I don't know why people have to bash others. Mostly because it's what they need to make themselves feel superior, I'm told.

I try very hard not to say anything if I can't say something nice, or at least constructive. But old 'rumours' die hard. Two or three years later you're still accused of things... it hurts. One has to hope there really is karma... :uhoh: But then, I suppose that makes me just as bad, in *wishing* for the karma to catch up, 'eh? :sigh:

[avezan]

This is not exclusive to the breeding world, that's for sure! Those who feel they need to make others fail in order for themselves to succeed, will fail in the end. Definitely a 'what comes around, goes around' situation. This happened to me in a different situation. I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the antagonist's business eventually fail. What should you do? Nothing! Smile. Don't respond at all to the comments made by the other person. If someone else tells you what they heard, just say "oh, now that's just silly, isn't it?". don't give in to tempation and say nasty things back about her. These people tend to self-destruct. They don't need your help. ;) Take the high road, and it will all work out in the end.

[okggo]

This is why I quit boarding/riding at big "show" barns. In my whole life I have never met more mean, nasty, spiteful people then I did at those places. They would do ANYTHING to make themselves appear glorious, make up lies to even hurting other peoples horses. I could tell you some stories, dropping hay bales on horses heads from the loft (aiming right for them), beating them in the head to make them head-shy, purposely not giving medications....

Hang in there and try to let it go. Just cross that person off your list of anyone you will ever do business with again, and be glad that your life is not as useless as hers (and I really think anyone involved in endless mindless gossip as an occupation or hobby has a very useless existance).

[Julz]

I appreciate the reminders to let it go, to keep my head up and therefore my reputation, and to not engage her, as much as I would have be tempted to send a scathing PM.

I don't have a functional website anymore, so no pics. Maybe it is better to maintain anonymity, don't you think?

[graystonefarm]

In my whole life I have never met more mean, nasty, spiteful people then I did at those places. They would do ANYTHING to make themselves appear glorious, make up lies to even hurting other peoples horses.

I know what you mean, but not always are they at big show barns, but often want to be or protend to be.

[erinwillow]

Nope... and I have also learned that people who gossip to you, will gossip about you.


AMEN to that!

[erinwillow]

I wouldnt buy from a breeder who disses other breeders, just like I try to not board with BOs who diss other BOs. however, after I've moved into some barns, over my asking them not to run down other BOs and boarders, I've heard things I did not want to hear.
I like it when a breeder says that someone else's horses are nice, and doesn't go around trashing the horses' conformation or bloodlines.
if a breeder has to do that to make a sale, there is something wrong with her/him, and I think most of us buyers know that. After all if a breeder will trash you, she/he will trash the next person.

thanks for this post :-) you know, it is just down right refreshing to read something like this. . .and to be reminded that someone out there in horse world USA still has morals. . . .I like it too when people try to give eachother compliments, or at least, point out another breeder, BO, bloodline, etc. strengths. . . it would all just make the world a bit nicer place to be if we could each do that to help the other. . . hey! there's an idea. . . okay, just for today, think of one nice thing to say to your fellow breeder, competitor, BO, what have you. . . .spread some LOVE :winkgrin: