My 4 YO Daughter is Devastated

[Bosspaige]

I am SO angry with myself right now. My father called this morning and we were talking about the Derby. My daughter who is 4 overheard us and wanted me to read her the names of the ponies that were going to run. She loved the name Eight Belles because she is obsessed with the Saddle Club and calls her pony Belle. I debated whether to watch the Derby or not because I was worried something would happen but went against my gut and let her watch it.

She was so excited to watch the race and then when the announcer came on to say that the filly had broken both ankles and was euthanized, she became hysterical. She could barely talk and was sobbing so hard (this little girl never cries) and it broke my heart. She literally cried herself to sleep tonight. I told her that sometimes with horses, when they hurt their legs really bad, they can't get better and that Eight Belles was running really fast and was really hurt. She said the man riding her shouldn't have hit her with his crop so hard and she wouldn't have died. She said she will never canter her pony and then he won't break his legs and die. What the heck do you say to that?

This isn't a racing bashing thread....I just feel so sad and sick tonight. What a hard thing for everyone, especially a four year old child. I am not anti-racing and I know that no one in the industry goes into a race planning on these injuries, I just wish they could wait a few more years before they run these young horses so hard.

On a little bit of a funny note, my daughter saw an elderly man in McDonalds the other day and told me he looked like he was ready for heaven. So tonight when she caught her breath for a little bit, she told me maybe the old man in McDonalds likes horses and since he was on his way to heaven, maybe he could take care of Eight Bells for her owners!!

[LearnToFly]

I wouldn't know what to tell a 4-year old because I don't even know what to tell myself. I WOULD make sure she knows that Eight Belles ran because she had a heart of gold and not necessarily because the jockey was hitting her. And that cantering isn't going to kill her pony.

[Bugsey_2007]

Tell her it crossed the rainbow bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)

[slc2]

I would advise not letting small children watch dangerous sport events if you are concerned an accident will upset them. A friend of mine had a very sensitive girl and she didn't let her watch these things til after, and would have her skip things that had gone badly.

As far as not ever cantering, you can clarify later that cantering is different from racing. there's no need to have to clarify it right now. yiou can even just let her figure it out for herself, and just let her not canter til she wants to. she may ask for clarification later.

"in a horse race, the horses and jockeys are very brave and they try very hard to run very fast and win. sometimes they DO get hurt or even die. i like that you care about horses and want to help them."

Alot of advice on helping children cope with death seems to allow them to be upset and to grieve, and rather than make the tears stop, to comfort them and encourage them to think of a ceremony to honor the loss, as this will teach them how to deal with loss in the future...there's a time to cry and a time to heal and go on, and people will help you do so, it's a very good message for a child.

and they advise the comforting should be very matter of fact as comforting is a part of dealing with death, but to also show them that there is an end to grieving too and we go on.

Experts no longer seem to advise parents to hide death from children, though they don't advise pushing it at them either or forcing them to see graphic things. There is advice to parents to not get too upset when children become upset over a loss as they are resilient and do bounce back.

Some children are shaken by certain events...I've heard psychologists sway that they usually work them out on their own schedule and parents can just guide them along the way a little, they will work it out...and occasionally heard them caution parents that if the PARENT seems very concerned hovering and solicitous that the upset may be artificially prolonged.

[aspenlucas]

I am SO angry with myself right now. My father called this morning and we were talking about the Derby. My daughter who is 4 overheard us and wanted me to read her the names of the ponies that were going to run. She loved the name Eight Belles because she is obsessed with the Saddle Club and calls her pony Belle. I debated whether to watch the Derby or not because I was worried something would happen but went against my gut and let her watch it.


Just be thankful your little girl knows about heaven! :) Mine is four too and she missed the race but came in to see Eight Belles laying there. As they did the replay she said "Mom which one will break it's legs". However, we breed horses and this year we had a stillborn foal. So she helped me getting it out of the stall and amazingly at that age they just want to ask question, touch it, look at it. I let her do all that. She also has a sister one year older up in heaven that was stillborn, so for her heaven is not an awful place. I feel for you that your little one cried. That would have ripped my heart out. Hopefully that old man at McDonalds will give Eight Belle's a few treats. And thankfully your daughter said that to YOU! :)

[hundredacres]

Tell her it crossed the rainbow bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)

WTH does that mean?


~~~~~~

My daughter was 6 or 7 when Barbaro went down and has never watched another horse race again. In fact, she lost all interest in horses about the time I had to euthanize my own ottb (that was a few months after Barbaro's breakdown). These things are hard on their psyches...harder than we will ever know.

I'm so sorry that horse racing is most likely a sport that should be watched with parental guidance. It's changed me in recent years (I've loved horse racing my entire life). I can't handle it at all as an adult......I'm sorry your daughter had to experience it. ((((hugs))))to her, and to you....I wish I had some words of wisdom.

[TwinGates]

Tell her it crossed the rainbow bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)

What the F***?!?

[Bosspaige]

Tell her it crossed the rainbow bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)


I will repeat what Twin Gates said..."What the F**k? How sick!!

[jumpingpercheron]

Tell her it crossed the rainbow bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)

You're an a**hole.

[J Swan]

Don't normally post here - but this thread caught my eye. I just have a horse crazy little niece and have had to go through the whole "death is a normal part of life" thing with her when she visits for the summer. From the cat dragging in a bird, to the beagle bringing home a rabbit, dead calves in the field, a dog dying (which she witnessed), her dog trying to kill one of my goats ...I also had a pig butchered - and that pig was her friend. So you can imagine the poor kid gets a bit of a shock when she experiences farm life firsthand.

I think the hysteria is kinda normal. That and morbid curiosity, or talking about a death long after it has occurred. After all - all this is new to them. Since my sister is devout and is raising her daughter the same way, I have read Bible passages with her, encouraged her to pray, and encouraged her to be compassionate - but not maudlin - about animals.

Once her initial sadness is over, she usually starts asking some reasonable and intelligent questions about death and suffering, and what animals think - and we can have a good conversation. I'll also talk about different religions and philosophies views on death and suffering. She's a little older than your daughter though.

My sister still sends the kid here for the summer, so I can't be screwing up that badly. Anyway - I try to strike a balance between shielding the child (difficult to do on a farm) and helping her come to terms with the fact that death is a normal part of life - and though death isn't always peaceful and quiet - it is our job to do our best to take good care of our animals and to not let them suffer if they are hurt too badly.

I don't envy you one bit.

[slc2]

it's so hard for parents.

i think learning to cope with death has to be a part of life. if a child can learn to accept death in a pet or animal it may help them much later on in life.

[Granada]

I am not a parent, but I hope to be one in the future:) So I am not giving advice. I just want to say that your daughter sounds like she has a heart of gold, you are very lucky. Also, the fact that she took this experience and applied it to her own horse's welfare is heartwarming, even though as adults we can see it is an overreaction. Hopefully she can work this out a bit on her own and also with your help and become a stronger person for it.

I also believe Eight Belles was running so fast because her heart was in it, not because of a whip. But I don't envy you in trying to explain that to a child.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[ljc]

Tell her it crossed the Rainbow Bridge or to McDonalds to be made into burgers ;)


Quite possibly the cruelest sentence ever submitted to this board, especially given the context of the original post. Just appalling. Bugsey needs to go far, far away from here.

[J Swan]

Geez guys - though the incident (the horse dying) is a horrible, horrible tragedy - and this kid's reaction is likewise sad - I don't see the need to be maudlin about it.

The kid probably sees more horror than that on tv every night. And while I understand how awful the mother must feel for her daughter - over reacting to the daughter is just as bad as dismissing the kid's feelings.

This is a really little girl who saw something sad and scary happen. Probably for the first time. It's awful -but it's not the only bad thing that is ever going to happen to her. Playing into a kid's hysteria is not the way to teach a kid to deal with death and suffering. It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

Heck - my niece played with my pig and considered him a friend - yet is thoroughly enjoying her morning bacon. I actually saw the humor in Bugsy's post. Guess some of us aren't into mollycoddling kids - but maybe it's just that none of you live on a farm and your kids think meat comes from the grocery store...

Shrug - I figure the little kid got a bad shock and is dealing with death for the first time in her life. I don't envy the parent having to console the child - but geez. It's a normal part of growing up.

[Twomanydawgs]

Well said J Swan...enough of the hand wringing and sobbing...it is a part of life. Sounds like the kid will be just fine.

[lcw579]

I agree with J Swan. I have three children and we don't do them any favors when we shield them from death and harsher realities of life. Children are tougher than you think - this isn't a fashionable thing to say but it's the truth.

I have 3 girls who have seen hamsters and rats and other small pets die. They have known horses that have had to be put down. It is important that they know the responsibility that comes with sharing your life with animals often includes knowing when the time has come to humanely end a life.

My girls have also heard my tell stories of the steer that I used to ride around on who then ended up in our freezer. They know where food comes from and respect it.

OP, I think as long as you don't feed into your girl's drama (I have one drama queen so I know what I'm talking about) she will calm down and be back to normal in a day or so. She'll be cantering that pony before too long and while she may not want to whack him with a crop, the pony probably won't mind. ;)

[sidepasser]

I have children - 3 in fact. My son lost his father at age 9. He was used to death on the farm..we raised a steer every year and put it in the freezer, I had to euthanize a horse that had a very bad accident in her paddock and so he grew up with life (we also had lots of animal births here as well) and death.

I didn't shield him from death, but let him absorb what he could, then discussed any questions. I think that helped prepare him for his father's death. Unexpected death is worse than one that you anticipate happening (getting old, having a very bad illness). Shielding a child from bad things does not prepare them for life where death is very much a part of it. Being honest without being judgemental is very hard when it comes to death.

I know kids that don't understand where food comes from, don't understand why their pup died, or are overprotected that they cannot handle an anticipated death (such as their very ill relatives dying, or a very old pet that dies of natural causes). Those children seem to be unable to handle grief, they either deny or becoming hysterical. I sat through MANY grief counseling sessions with my son..and he went alone and with other children who had lost parents. It did help him to learn how to deal with his emotions, and how death is part of living and that it is natural to be mad, then depressed, then one moves on with life.

I was taken to many funerals of relatives growing up, and I understood that funerals were just like births, just a part of living. I cried but the crying was relative to the situation at hand..and I have cried harder for some horses than I ever cried for some relatives.

Answer her questions in simple terms and let her deal with it. She will get over it and perhaps having a discussion later regarding life and death (for her age level) will help prepare her to realize that as much as we love people and animals, they will die and there is nothing we can do but be prepared as best we can and appreciate those that are here while they are here.

And J. Swann - I agree - life on a working farm does prepare children for both birth and death - they quickly move past the hysteria of death and start asking hard questions..like "do animals have souls" and "where is puppy Heaven". It is good that they question but sometimes their questions are really hard to answer.

[horselips]

You have a 4yo daughter who understands the definition
of the word euthanized??

Wow.

[vineyridge]

I was going to post something similar. Good on you, J Swan.

Question--is this bacon you are feeding your niece Kevin Bacon? :) Just wondering. :)

Geez guys - though the incident (the horse dying) is a horrible, horrible tragedy - and this kid's reaction is likewise sad - I don't see the need to be maudlin about it.

The kid probably sees more horror than that on tv every night. And while I understand how awful the mother must feel for her daughter - over reacting to the daughter is just as bad as dismissing the kid's feelings.

This is a really little girl who saw something sad and scary happen. Probably for the first time. It's awful -but it's not the only bad thing that is ever going to happen to her. Playing into a kid's hysteria is not the way to teach a kid to deal with death and suffering. It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

Heck - my niece played with my pig and considered him a friend - yet is thoroughly enjoying her morning bacon. I actually saw the humor in Bugsy's post. Guess some of us aren't into mollycoddling kids - but maybe it's just that none of you live on a farm and your kids think meat comes from the grocery store...

Shrug - I figure the little kid got a bad shock and is dealing with death for the first time in her life. I don't envy the parent having to console the child - but geez. It's a normal part of growing up.

[Petstorejunkie]

She's forming an opinion and empathy based on what she has observed. That is a good thing. Things we experience, albeit sometimes sucky help to mold us into compassionate sensitive beings.
Give her some time, and in a few days when emotions are back on track discuss it.

[Granada]

Geez guys - though the incident (the horse dying) is a horrible, horrible tragedy - and this kid's reaction is likewise sad - I don't see the need to be maudlin about it.

I hope my post didn't sound overly emotional. I just thought to OP's kid sounded like a good kid that is interacting with her surroundings. And I wanted to commend her on it and wish her family well.

Being from a city area I am around a lot of people who are very shielded from death, and I think it causes many societal and emotional problems.

It may sound odd, but in the last eight years I've had to experience a lot more death on a regular basis, including euthanizing animals myself, and I think it has actually made me a more stable person. You country folk may take that as a no brainer, but where I'm from, and my family's background, they think it is morbid and would be horrified if I explained what parts of my job entail.

So in short, I didn't see any other posts that seemed as though they were "hand wringing and sobbing", and I hope my post didn't come off this way, as I certainly don't think it is healthy to overly shield children from the facts of life either.

[Thomas_1]

I'm thinking the OP was just looking for an opportunity to express opinion about racing youngsters. That's fair enough and when I saw it on tv (with my youngest daughter and 2 of the grandchildren) I said "poor little f*er didn't deserve that" and I got told off for swearing by my 4 year old grand daughter! Not a mention of the dead horse!

MUST tell you this story. My 3 and 4 year old grandsons became fascinated with the subject of death when their cats started bringing dead mice home. Then their nursery school hamster died when my daughter was looking after it during the holiday (she denies all responsibility ) So daughter has a 'funeral' for the hamster and does her best to explain 'death' to her children. ( I so love grandchildren..... I consider them a parent's revenge :wingrin: )

Then that weekend they come to see us. I'm walking down the road with one on either hand when the 3 year old says "Grandad how old is mummy?" So I tell him ... "mmm well she'll soon be dead then" so I set out to reassure him and he says "how old are you then grandad?" and I tell him "well are you already dead then?".

I respond with "well not quite yet" and the 4 year old says "well you will be soon then and definitely by next year we can put you with the hamster"

I also well recall when my 7 year old daughter (now 35) had a friend round who asked where Tuppy was. She replied nonchalantly "in the freezer". (Tuppy was the swaledale sheep she'd bottle fed until it got big and started to headbut her and drag her about. She took him to the abattoir with me so she could say goodbye)

As far as the OP is concerned I'd suggest any 4 year old will be over it if you just move on and stop making a big issue of it! NO WAY is it a hard thing for a 4 year old to see a horse trip and fall over on the flat at a race on tv.

Kids of that age think everything on tv isn't real. At 4 they're only going to make a song and dance of it, if you do.

Being a parent can be as difficult as you want it to be. Trust me your child will see a heck of a lot worse. What do you do when the news comes on ???

My daughters went racing with me from being babies (and now grandchildren too). When there was an accident and the screens went round whilst the vet was attending and they were just tots I'd say simply the horse was sleeping or maybe it had hurt itself or perhaps even "whoops he fell over, lets go get ice cream". Then when they were old enough to understand I told them that it had died. I've even been to a race myself and come back without my own horse and explained that to the children without making a drama out of a crisis.

Neither of them have been troubled for life or traumatised by the knowledge of realities of life or being turned off horses. Indeed my daughters went on respectively to become an eventer and a point to point jockey and they're not doing a bad job at parenting now either.

I actually thought the OP was wrong from the onset....... whoever in their right mind debates and worries and frets even before a race about whether to let a 4 year old watch it? I'm thinking said 4 year old probably picked up on mother's concerns/neurosis.

Then when it happened, why didn't she just say "whoops it fell over, lets play/get an ice cream" rather than sit and watch when the horse was put down? Talk about making a drama out of a crisis!

I also thought Bugsey's one liner was wryly amusing considering the OP's mention of McDonalds. Heck its no different to saying the horse went to heaven or went on holiday from Mexico in a dog food tin!

Many years ago I had a 3 year old come to me for riding lessons and the first thing she said was "I'm frightened of blood" WTF is that about froma 3 year old???? I came to appreciate that her mother was the most uptight, neurotic drama queen possibly on this planet!

[time fault]

It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

Heck - my niece played with my pig and considered him a friend - yet is thoroughly enjoying her morning bacon.

It's a normal part of growing up.

KUDOS!

[hundredacres]

With all these "right" answers and perfectly perfect parents...you all should put together your parenting books now. People have been sitting around waiting for that book for a thousand years.

[Kim]

I can completely relate, because as a child I saw my favorite horse, Timely Writer, fatally break down at the Jockey Club Gold Cup. I was devastated. It took me many, many years to be able to watch racing, and even now, I can only watch the replays. :( The only difference here was that he actually broke down on TV with the cameras focused right on him, and I was older than 4. I do remember being extra worried about my pony after that, but it did get better with time.

One thing that may help, besides talking it over with her, would be to do something for her in Eight Belles' honor. Maybe you could plant something or make a small donation to a TB charity such as the Exceller Fund. Or perhaps making a card to send to Eight Belles' owners would be healing for your daughter.

I think your daughter will be just fine in time.

[J Swan]

vineyridge - yes - we're eating Kevin Bacon. Nom nom nom nom

I actually delayed going to the ER (got bucked off) because I had a picnic shoulder in the oven and it only needed 2 hours before it was done. Nom nom nom nom. Hey - I figured I could kinda walk and I hadn't hit my head and I could kinda use my left arm.... so it wasn't THAT much of an emergency...

Granada - sorry - I was commenting about the McDonalds post - I thought it was funny but I do love gallows humor.


Hundredacres - sorry - no parenting books are forthcoming from the desk of J Swan. However, I could write a helluva good book on How to Be a Cool Aunt. :D

[Cherry]

Out of the mouth of babes..... :sadsmile:

Sometimes I think people try to shield their children from the realities of life too much--I'm not sure that's a good thing.... :( This is a great opportunity for you to talk to your daughter and try to put a positive spin on things.... How Eight Belles probably didn't realize how much pain she was in and was spared suffering by people who cared about her. And explain that cantering will not kill her pony.... Good chance to help her form healthy perspectives about what are tragic events in her mind.... :yes:

I don't know--I'm over fifty and I'm having a hard time trying to justify Eight Belles' death (and every other horse that has lost its life on the track). I'm not content with "well, that's just the way it is--horse racing is dangerous!". Would you send your child out on the playground if you thought there was a 50/50 chance the child might die while out there? I sure wouldn't.... Guess that's why I'm purposely not in the business of breeding or racing Thoroughbreds.

We can send men to the moon but after 200 or so years of racing horses we can't make it any safer???? The jury is still out but I don't know that the new synthetic tracks are working out as well as was expected.... :uhoh: It just seems as though death is a big price to pay so that humans can have two minutes of joy and jumping up and down for one of the horses to win.... I think that's what comes from having lived too long.... More and more I have to ask myself if the price is worth the pain.... I often think the world would be a much better place if we remembered how to look at life through the eyes of a child--they're so full of hope, and so forgiving.... :yes:

[FancyFree]

yes - we're eating Kevin Bacon. Nom nom nom nom


:lol::lol::lol:

[Bugsey_2007]

WTH does that mean?

joke = something said to promote laughter or to lighten the mood
black humor = the juxtaposition of morbid and farcical elements (e.g. dead filly + Big Macs) to give a disturbing comedic effect

I'm ever so sorry though :yes:

I forgot you should never tell a joke to someone who is unable to comprehend it :winkgrin:

[Bugsey_2007]

Quite possibly the cruelest sentence ever submitted to this board, especially given the context of the original post. Just appalling. Bugsey needs to go far, far away from here. Well wash my mouth out with soap and water.

Get over it. It was a joke.

So you think its more cruel to crack a joke than the nut jobs posting about how great rolkur is and how its o.k. to botch up looking after their horses.

Jeeeeez what a weird sense of perception you have! You must find real life VERY hard.

[Doodle]

I was 10 years old and watched Ruffian break down - and try to keep on running on an obviously broken leg. Did I refuse to watch racing ever again? no. did I refuse to ride horses ever? no. Did I gasp and cringe in horror? of course!

I felt then as I do now. Nothing but respect for the horse, its heart and amazing athletic ability.

My experience - and perhaps the experience of the daughter of the OP - has made me aware of my horse care.. and an advocate for horse safety and welfare. I ride event horses, adopt horses from the track and am a fan of racing and all horse sports. (well maybe not saddle seat so much! ) But the reality of it is that no matter how hard we try and how careful we are.. ACCIDENTS still happen. that is life.

[hundredacres]

joke = something said to promote laughter or to lighten the mood
black humor = the juxtaposition of morbid and farcical elements (e.g. dead filly + Big Macs) to give a disturbing comedic effect

I'm ever so sorry though :yes:

I forgot you should never tell a joke to someone who is unable to comprehend it :winkgrin:

I get the joke. It was in poor taste though. And when you "tell a joke" to thousands of people you shouldn't be snarky when a few don't appreciate your sense of humor.

[hundredacres]

Well wash my mouth out with soap and water.

Get over it. It was a joke.

So you think its more cruel to crack a joke than the nut jobs posting about how great rolkur is and how its o.k. to botch up looking after their horses.

Jeeeeez what a weird sense of perception you have! You must find real life VERY hard.

You are a social moron.

[Bugsey_2007]

So that's your opinion. And I think you're a humourless cretin. Where do we go from here?

[poltroon]

My daughter is 7. She slept through the Derby so I missed this particular Parenting moment, but we've had others.

Yes, it breaks my heart to see her sad. But even while I hardly welcome these moments, I remind myself that I'm glad we have these little dress rehearsals, with animals that we don't really know. We've got two horses in their 20's. A flock of ducks. Grandparents. I'm a little glad to get some experience with her reaction and some opportunity for her to work through her grief when the blow is only glancing.

[bobbybobby]

i think someone is a little mello dramatic....the actual race did not show the break down...you could have done something different like not watch it....if you are worried about break downs you need to move on !!!!!i hope the kid grows up to be a little more stable than mom....

[CarrieK]

You know, I was devastated over Bambi's mom, Old Yeller, my first cat "kitty" and my sister's cat "cat"(yeah, clever names, but they were both deaf so, really...), our dog Trixie, this stupid chicken called "peeper," and my grampa, all before I was 10 years old. I cried and cried and vowed never to love anything again, cursed God and the world for being so cruel. It was horrible and confusing.

And I got over it.

Not by going to therapy. Not by over-coddling, protection, and removal. But by hugs from Mom and the gentle reminder that fair or not, everything dies, sometimes by accident (peeper got loose and got eaten by a dog. I came home from school to find feathers all over the driveway), sometimes because it is just their time (grampa).

Was it easy on Mom, seeing me go off the deep end? Not at all, because she was in pain, too.

Nom nom nom nom
No more Cheezeburger for you!!
(altho truth be told, my friends and I talk in lolspeak far too much now :D )

So that's your opinion. And I think you're a humourless cretin. Where do we go from here?
Jello-wrestling!!!

[poltroon]

My daughter cried bitterly for days (she was 5) about the penguins who died in March of the Penguins.

[Bosspaige]

i think someone is a little mello dramatic....the actual race did not show the break down...you could have done something different like not watch it....if you are worried about break downs you need to move on !!!!!i hope the kid grows up to be a little more stable than mom....

Boy, this group sure can make you sorry that you ever posted anything on here. I don't think the comments that I am unstable or the many other comments that were made about my "mollycoddling" were called for. I understand death is a part of life and that it is something children have to learn and I was simply expressing that it is such a hard thing to watch your child work through. I didn't say she would be ruined for life, I never said she would never get over this. My daughter understands euthanasia as she knows a horse in our barn had to be put down and her friends horse also shattered it's fetlock 2 weeks ago and was put down. It was just hard to have it put in front of me like that and have to come up with a response immediately and I wish I had thought more about watching this with her. I guess I didn't get the parenting manual that you all must have gotten about how to deal with this situation. She got up the next morning and she asked me if Eight Belles was in heaven yet (surprised no one decided to pick on the whole heaven idea here) and I told her yes. She asked me if she would be happy there and I told her yes. She said she was happy for her and that was the end of it. I am actually proud of the way she felt compassion, concern and empathy for this horse....Maybe some that have posted here should take a lesson from her.

Thomas_1 - "I'm thinking said 4 year old probably picked up on mother's concerns/neurosis"

I guess I should pick up on your superb parenting skills and maybe I should have gone with your response which was from your post "I said "poor little f*er didn't deserve that" and I got told off for swearing by my 4 year old grand daughter! Not a mention of the dead horse!" Sad that your 4 YO grandaughter has no cares about an animal dying but at least she realizes the word "f*er" is not appropriate.

To all that had supportive things to say, thank you for understanding. I did use this as a teaching opportunity, it was just hard to watch my child so upset over something that I couldn't wrap my head around myself.

[horselips]

I can completely relate, because as a child I saw my favorite horse, Timely Writer, fatally break down at the Jockey Club Gold Cup. I was devastated. It took me many, many years to be able to watch racing, and even now, I can only watch the replays. :( The only difference here was that he actually broke down on TV with the cameras focused right on him, and I was older than 4. I do remember being extra worried about my pony after that, but it did get better with time.

One thing that may help, besides talking it over with her, would be to do something for her in Eight Belles' honor. Maybe you could plant something or make a small donation to a TB charity such as the Exceller Fund. Or perhaps making a card to send to Eight Belles' owners would be healing for your daughter.

I think your daughter will be just fine in time.


Wow. You were a child for that??

I think I was in my mid-to-late 20's

I need to find a geezer board to visit.

No wonder there is so much im cryin and im hand wringin and im so sad lets all channel Barbaro
Geezzzus Crispies, get a grip.
Does that mean if the rest of us don't post on here that we are all so-cryin-n-sad-n-shocked-n-cryin-n-never-gonna-watch-a-race-again that we're all heartless & cruel??

Someone shoot me now. Please.

[grayarabpony]

Gosh, I'll do it. :rolleyes:

[gubbyz]

I, like Doodle, saw Ruffian break down when I was young too. It has never affected me in an ongoing emotional way. I think now a days kids are too pampered and handled with kid gloves. I knew a kid who was bit by a dog and the mom told him that he never had to be near another dog ever! Gee that great! Death is part of life, we need to toughen up a bit and not be so emotional over things we have no control over.

[RidersUP]

o.k. now I know why your screen name is horselips...you took the words right out of my mouth...The four year old also knows the definition of canter too.

wow is right

[ljc]

Well wash my mouth out with soap and water.

Get over it. It was a joke.

So you think its more cruel to crack a joke than the nut jobs posting about how great rolkur is and how its o.k. to botch up looking after their horses.

Jeeeeez what a weird sense of perception you have! You must find real life VERY hard.


With all due respect, I think the problem lies with your somewhat sick sense of humor, not my perception of it. I'll accept you weren't intentionally being cruel, just tasteless. Maybe that's something you can work on in future postings.

[Bugsey_2007]

With all due respect, I know you're wrong.

I think the problem lies with the fact you are rude, humourless and a pain in the butt. Perhaps you could work on it in future postings but I somehow think you just can't help yourself.

So is it Jelly or Mud wresting next?

[Bosspaige]

o.k. now I know why your screen name is horselips...you took the words right out of my mouth...The four year old also knows the definition of canter too.

wow is right


What is so unusual about a 4 year old knowing what euthanized and canter mean? She has grown up around horses.

[Moderator 1]

Ding, ding--back to your corners. Please stop the name calling, direct or indirect. This thread has been more about parenting skills and social graces than horses, let alone racing.

Please refocus your comments on horses and avoid the personal commentary.

Thanks,
Mod 1

[frehley]

From a lurker...

After reading several threads/posts, I am surprised and dismayed that many folks seem to be berating others who express sadness over the untimely passing of Eight Belles. One poster asked for help in explaining the death to her young daughter, only to be basically chased away. I don’t get it.

Sure, some people (PETA, etc.) may be going way overboard by blaming the jockey, etc., but I don’t get why folks cannot understand why people - in particular, children - would be distraught over the death of a famous racehorse. Children idolize “heroes” (whether they be human, animated, or animal) and it is completely normal for them to be upset after seeing said hero fall to an untimely death in the public eye. To make jokes about “glue” and “meat” is, IMO, heartless…think of how the owner or trainer would feel if they read those comments.

People deal with things differently, but we should respect each other. Yes, some people go overboard. But some go overboard in the other direction as well.

Can we all just get along? We all love horses, right?

[Moderator 1]

Frehley, we've merged your thread here as it is closely associated with this thread and we're trying to limit the number of duplicate discussions open on various aspects of Eight Belles' accident.

Thanks for your input,
Mod 1

[CarrieK]

From a lurker...

One poster asked for help in explaining the death to her young daughter, only to be basically chased away. I don’t get it.

Well, I don't want to speak for others and I certainly don't want to sound harsh to you or the OP, but it sometimes blows my mind what folks will ask about on a forum where they don't know me (or anyone else) from Adam. It also blows my mind how they respond to the answers.

This question--how to explain death to a child--is not the purview of this forum. What bloodlines are winners, what saddles are the best quality, what conditioning routines are used, those types questions are. And even answers to those questions I'd take with a grain of salt: for all I know, none of you really has a horse, and denny over at eventing isn't the denny I think he is at all.

How to explain death is a weightier subject to be answered by true experts.

Or, the OP can read the responses, and see how many of us were devastated over losses at an early age, and the OP can think that there is a very good chance that there will be no residual effects.

I've experienced a handful of pets dying before I was 10--and my grampa, too--and nothing made it better, made it go away, made it not have happened. Mom hugged me, shed some tears herself, and said that's the way things go.

What more can be said or done?