PDA

View Full Version : I think I am going to be ill- what to do? update pg. 5



Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:06 PM
Just to let everyone know, this thread is from 2007 :). If you are interested, there is an update (post 100).

__________________________________________________ ______________

Brief background: I recently sold my Novice horse, Ty, because he was not solid enough on XC. I took the money that I got from selling him and bought Connor, who is a 5 y.o. Tb that has gone around Training clean. He has some issues in dressage, but in the short time that I have had him, he has made dramatic improvement. The plan was to spend the winter working on his dressage and then start at BN in the spring and go from there. My trainer loves this horse and can't say enough good things about him. And, I am looking forward to something that is a machine on XC that I can finally have fun on and I would like to see how far we can go. I do have two other horses, one that is doing well at Elementary and one that hopefully will start this spring.

My non-horsey husband was not too happy that I spent all the Ty sale money (and then some) on Connor, especially since I bought Ty for a song and sold him for almost five times as much. In order to justify having all these horses, Mr catalina would like to see some money coming in, rather than it all just flowing out.

Which brings me to the crux of the problem: my trainer just called me and said that a client of a friend of hers is looking for a horse and Connor fits the bill perfectly. She wants a young, big, nice moving Tb that can go Prelim and she is willing to pay over twice what I paid for him and she wants to come see him on Friday. I am so torn over what to do now that I feel like throwing up. I can't even tell my husband because, as a non-horsey male friend of mine said, he would decapitate me if I didn't sell the horse. But, this is my horse and I worked hard improving Ty to the point that I could sell him for enough to buy a horse like Connor.

I am just so torn. Connor is a really cool horse that I think I could have a lot of fun on, but there are tons of other OTTBs out there that I could have just as much fun on. But, I have one now that I really like and I don't have to go searching to find another one like him. But, he could get hurt and then where would I be. But, I could see how far we can go and then really get a lot of money for him. I am SO confused :confused: :confused: :confused:.

allisontatman
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:11 PM
Yikes-I feel for you! If you really get along with Connor I say keep him! After just coming off a long horse search (finally found one) and still looking for one to lease, it's tough to find one you really love!

But if you aren't totally attached to this guy yet, then it wouldn't hurt to allow this person to come check him out.

It all depends on what your goal is-if Connor can do the xc great and build your confidence then you might want to stick with him, but if you dn't mind a greenie who is OTT, then it might be worth sending him on.

Whatever you do -DON'T Tell the hubby until you have made up your mind! :)

Speedy
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:12 PM
It is pretty darn hard to find a horse that you love, that you really click with - there are alot of OTTBs out there, but very few will fit into this category for you. So, if I were in your place, I would stick with Connor and ask my trainer to sell one of the others.

The only question in my mind is - why did your trainer come to you with this opportunity regarding Conner - if she knows you are happy together and a good fit, it seems odd that this would come up - it isn't as though you told her that you'd be interested in selling him, right? Is there some reason that she doesn't think you should hold on to him? Just curious.

Jazzy Lady
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:13 PM
Is your goal prelim or a safe bn - t horse? You are likely to find another one if it's the later, and quite easily too.

As much as I want to say keep the pony, Hubby is ubber important to and you have to consider your marriage (which is probably why you are even considering it).

Nobody can answer it for you. Follow your instincts. Good luck! Not an easy choice by any means, but personally, my (2 legged) family comes first.

Dawnd
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:14 PM
If you are a professional, sell the horse. But if you are an amateur, then hang onto who you love.

This is the deciding factor between a hobby and a job.

bornfreenowexpensive
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:16 PM
You need to work this out with your husband. Do you have the horses as a business....or are they your pets. Neither answer is wrong...but your answer does tell you what you should do. If it is a business....if they like him and offer you a great price (what you have decided is worth selling him), then you sell. If it they are your pets...and your marriage will survive...you keep him.

But I agree...I wonder why your trainer would even suggest it unless you said they are all sale horses of if they don't think it is a great fit for you.

hey101
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:20 PM
Can you sell the other two? You won't get nearly as much for them, but then you'll also reduce your horse-keeping expenses by 2/3rds, and you'll have more time to devote to the horse that you obviously want to keep.

Think about what your riding goals are. If you eventually want to do solid training and possibly move up to Prelim, keep him. If you just want to ride and event, keep one of hte other ones and sell this one.

And not that your marriage is any of my business, but... how would you like it if your husband was buying and selling expensive items (cars, motorcycles, gambling, whatever...) and not discussing it with you as his partner and equal? I think you should be upfront with him and talk it over with him. Who knows, he may surprise you and give you some great advice or a perspective you weren't thinking about.

Jleegriffith
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:21 PM
Sell:D You know a bit about me but I think it's important to always view horses from a business point of view. I love my horses but they are always for sale if the price and home is right. I am not a person who believes that there is only one horse you will fall in love with. I see so many horses that just when I think they are super nice another equally nice horse comes along. The market is down right now so you could find a nice horse with that $.

Take the $$ and put it in a cd or money market and watch it grow and then wait for the next Mr. Right to appear.

a horse can get hurt in a second...I always take the $$ if I like the person.

CookiePony
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:25 PM
I can't even tell my husband because, as a non-horsey male friend of mine said, he would decapitate me if I didn't sell the horse.

bornfree is right, you need to be open about this with your husband. I would mourn terribly if I lost my horse, but I would lose so much more if I lost my OH.

You can tell him what you told us-- you finally feel like you are clicking with this horse, and youre proud of how you improved Ty to the point that you could sell him for decent money.

Not an easy conversation... hugs to you.

Jleegriffith
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:26 PM
I think if I had a student who got offered a nice price for their horse and I thought they could find something as nice at a lower price I might recommend it.

I don't ask my husbands opinion on horses mainly b/c it's my money (we have his, joint and my account to make our marriage happy:lol:). If the decision affected $$$ that I used jointly I would discuss with him. If your horse is the only horse that makes you happy then there is your answer.

KateDB
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:27 PM
Well, depends upon your goals and timeline for achieving them.
If you want to hit the mid to upper levels soon, then I'd say you should keep him, since he's got the most experience and can take you there quicker.
If you don't care that much about it, then let him go and take some of those dollars to spend on bringing along your other two.
If you DO keep Connor, perhaps consider letting one or both of your other two go, so that you get some dollars in and save some, as well!
It's really hard as a FT working ammy to keep more than one horse going, esp when you've got another little rider coming along!
Maybe compromise on the number of horses you are going to keep in work, satisfy your spouse with some money coming in, less going out and a bit more time for family???
I KNOW all this juggling is hard for all of us!

asterix
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:37 PM
None of us can really give you the best advice without knowing you/husband/horses -- but pay attention to YOUR reaction to our comments -- "no way" "hmm, that's a good point," etc. -- as that will help you sort out your thinking.

Keeping multiple horses is both expensive and time-consuming (thus consuming time that might be spent with hubby, or working to pay for horses)...I'm kind of in the camp of seeing whether you could downsize rather than selling on the one you are so excited about.

As an ammy with a horse who has become such an amazing partner to me, and who has helped me get to prelim safely and happily, um, I wouldn't sell him for anything -- and "anything" has steadily increased, as he's become more accomplished! I really believe I couldn't find another horse this good for me if I tried for years, regardless of budget.

thumbsontop
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:46 PM
Trust your heart. Only you know the whole story with the you+horse+hubby triangle. I've seen situations where the horse owner was taking complete advantage of the family, but I've also seen situations where it's a husband/control issue. If there is any chance at all that you will completely resent your husband when you sell the horse, especially if you can't find a good replacement, DON'T do it - at least without really talking it out first. If you do decide to keep Connor, make sure you do something extra special (and non horse related) for your husband just because you love him.

Good luck!

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:49 PM
The only question in my mind is - why did your trainer come to you with this opportunity regarding Conner - if she knows you are happy together and a good fit, it seems odd that this would come up - it isn't as though you told her that you'd be interested in selling him, right? Is there some reason that she doesn't think you should hold on to him? Just curious.

Originally I was going to purchase another horse for resale with the Ty sale money, but I fell in love with Connor and his potential and that was that. My trainer knows this and is aware that I want to dabble a little in the resale market and she knows that Mr catalina would not be upset if the horse sold (he is only attached to one of my horses, the rest he is eh about). My gut tells me to sell the horse and move on, but the rest of me is really happy that I finally got a horse that I can have fun with (XC was really becoming unfun fast with my last horse). Plus, to be blunt, my trainer gets a piece of the pie if he sells. I don't have a problem with that because I understand that this is her livlihood and she has done a TON for me over the years and not charged me for it.

I believe that every horse is for sale for the right price and so I view my horses as pets that could become business. My biggest problem with selling Connor is that I have barely tapped into the potential that he has. But, I do recognize that horses can get hurt and so it is better to take the check and run. But, I want a horse that I can trust XC and not have to go through the whole introduction process just to realize that they don't really like it that much (like Ty). I just want to scream.... :confused: :confused: :confused:

Of course, if jleegriffith would sell me Carling ;)....

Invested1
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:55 PM
Yikes-I feel for you! If you really get along with Connor I say keep him! it's tough to find one you really love!

That's exactly what I was thinking....

GreystoneKC
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:56 PM
Tough decision.

You need to keep yourself happy, but also your SO. Can you sell the lower level ones and reduce your costs? Maybe that would be a way for you to keep Connor and not feel guilty about it. If not, personally, I'd say sell. You'll know he'll have a good home and continue his progress, and you'll have double the (seemingly big to you) $$ you paid for him to then spend on another horse. There are a lot of horses out there, so if you're not too attached to Connor, you'll probably be able to find a horse to replace him relatively easily.

As for your trainer, don't feel bad about the suggestion to sell. We feel obligated to bring this stuff up. I have a horse in my barn owned by two sisters and I know quite well that they have no intentions of selling him any time soon. However, someone offered a good amount of $$ (much more than they paid for him), for him and I told them about it. It's not that I wanted to pressure them into selling, but that I didn't want them to NOT know about that offer. It was enough money for both sisters to get a very nice new horse of her own! They didn't want to sell, but I don't think it bothered them that I brought it up.

I sold a beloved pony about 2 years ago. I didn't want to sell him at all, and he was not for sale at the time, but the money was just too much to turn down. I am a pro, but there are some that come around sometimes you just don't want to part with because they are too valuable. But it was just a logical and business decision.

Fence2Fence
Nov. 7, 2007, 12:59 PM
I think you've received really good advice here, and I'll add my 2 cents.

Keep Connor since you like him so much, and work really hard at selling the other two horses and then doing something financially sensible with the money--paying off credit cards, paying down the mortgage, creating a savings account, etc.

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:04 PM
Well, depends upon your goals and timeline for achieving them.
If you want to hit the mid to upper levels soon, then I'd say you should keep him, since he's got the most experience and can take you there quicker.
If you don't care that much about it, then let him go and take some of those dollars to spend on bringing along your other two.
If you DO keep Connor, perhaps consider letting one or both of your other two go, so that you get some dollars in and save some, as well!
It's really hard as a FT working ammy to keep more than one horse going, esp when you've got another little rider coming along!
Maybe compromise on the number of horses you are going to keep in work, satisfy your spouse with some money coming in, less going out and a bit more time for family???
I KNOW all this juggling is hard for all of us!

Part of the problem is that I am not sure what my goals are. After struggling at Novice with Ty, anything bigger then that still looks HUGE and so I don't want to attempt to do Training or Prelim. But, I am aware that a lot of that is because I could not trust Ty 100% XC. I have not schooled Connor XC yet, but his record shows him going clean XC with an amatuer and he certainly has no issue with the jumps in my arena, so I am not sure if he will instill the confidence in me to go higher then Novice or not. Before my son was born I did the high A/A jumpers and never thought twice about the fence heights. I used to occassionally jump Picasso 4'9" just for the heck of it. But, if I sell Connor now, then I will not have an opportunity to know how far we could go. I do intend to put Catling on the market in the spring because she is just too small for me (I am 5'10" , she is 15.2 h).

Like jleegriffith, my husband have mine/yours/ours accounts, but I still consult on things with him. I say I can't talk to him about this because I know he will say 'sell' because he doesn't care about the possible potential, he cares about the money (and I don't blame him- horses are expensive and he has been very tolerent of my passion).

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:09 PM
I think you've received really good advice here, and I'll add my 2 cents.

Keep Connor since you like him so much, and work really hard at selling the other two horses and then doing something financially sensible with the money--paying off credit cards, paying down the mortgage, creating a savings account, etc.

I like that idea, but, like everything, it isn't that simple :(. I want to try to sell my Elementary horse, but the market is lousy right now and so I want to wait until the spring. I also want to try to get her out some more to make her more appealing. My other horse needs to take a trip to the cowboy to get over his trailer claustrophobia before he can be marketable. I plan on sending him to boot camp in March. Right now, Connor is by far and away the most sellable.

Fence2Fence
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:14 PM
I must be typing slow today...as others posted before I did...

hey101
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:20 PM
I like that idea, but, like everything, it isn't that simple :(. I want to try to sell my Elementary horse, but the market is lousy right now and so I want to wait until the spring. I also want to try to get her out some more to make her more appealing. My other horse needs to take a trip to the cowboy to get over his trailer claustrophobia before he can be marketable. I plan on sending him to boot camp in March. Right now, Connor is by far and away the most sellable.

Well, based on your additional comments about not being sure of your goals, and a little hung up about going Training/ Prelim, and the always-present reality of horses getting hurt, and you aren't overly emotionally attached to any of them, etc... if it were me I'd sell Connor and work with the Elementary horse through the winter (does it seem pretty forward/ bold/ brave?)

I don't mean this in an unkind way, but there are a LOT of horses that can easily, safely, and happily go Novice- don't get hung up on this one. I'd be VERY willing to bet that one of your other horses will turn into that safe Novice horse for you, or as others have pointed out, you can buy another horse for less than you'll sell connor for.

zoigal
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:26 PM
Only you can ans. this one "Will you be resentful of Hubby somewhere down the line if you sell Connor and are unable to find a horse that suits you as much as Connor?". Believe me, things like this can fester and cause problems in a marriage. If you love to event, it is a big thing to have a horse that you trust to take care of you.

Is there anyway you could lease/half lease one of your other horses to someone to ease the expenses. That could buy you some time so you do not have to reach a decision on selling him right away.

curlykarot
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:31 PM
I have nothing really productive to add - I think that all the advice given is good and should def. be taken in to consideration.

2 things I will put out there:

1. I hate going horse shopping. I feel like the whole process just sucks and takes a long time. (This is from the point of view that I only own 1 horse and that horse should eventually be able to go T level)

2. Knowing how I feel about # 1: As much as I love my BN horse, If the right price came along (right now that would be a lot more than I bought him for), he would be gone. I love my horse, but $$ pays the bills.


Take your time in making the decision - You might let these people ride Connor and he may or may not be what they are looking for.

Jaegermonster
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:31 PM
I"m in a similar situation too, except my husband is very supportive of the horse thing and respects the fact that they are mine. His involvment is next to nil. He feeds carrots and helps around the farm, but doesn't get involved too much in their care since he's really not horsey.
After riding pickup rides and problem horses my whole life, I have a homebred out of my beloved mare. The baby is now almost 5 and is the horse I always wanted. She's brave, honest, a hack winner, the horse I thought I would never have. I have been offered in the five figures for her several times, but she isn't for sale. Hubby heard about the offers and said "get off that man's horse" hahahaha. But when I said no that was the end of it.
If it's going to be a fight or cause problems, just don't tell him.

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:37 PM
Well, based on your additional comments about not being sure of your goals, and a little hung up about going Training/ Prelim, and the always-present reality of horses getting hurt, and you aren't overly emotionally attached to any of them, etc... if it were me I'd sell Connor and work with the Elementary horse through the winter (does it seem pretty forward/ bold/ brave?)

I don't mean this in an unkind way, but there are a LOT of horses that can easily, safely, and happily go Novice- don't get hung up on this one. I'd be VERY willing to bet that one of your other horses will turn into that safe Novice horse for you, or as others have pointed out, you can buy another horse for less than you'll sell connor for.

I used to really enjoy jumping the bigger jumps until I wound up with a bunch of greenies, which is why I am not sure if I want to go Training or higher. But, it is nice to have that option, which is what I have with Connor. There is just about no way in he!! that I would ever take Catling (the Elementary horse) higher than BN just because I am too big for her and I don't feel comfortable on her over the bigger jumps. But, there are tons of other horses out there that can successfully do the lower levels and the $$ from Connor would be nice. Augh! Like I told my trainer, why couldn't this have been about Catling, then the decision would have been easy :confused: :confused: :confused:.

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:41 PM
Only you can ans. this one "Will you be resentful of Hubby somewhere down the line if you sell Connor and are unable to find a horse that suits you as much as Connor?". Believe me, things like this can fester and cause problems in a marriage. If you love to event, it is a big thing to have a horse that you trust to take care of you.

No, because my husband, although only minimally involved with the horses, is supportive and I could not have what I do without him.

But, there is that big deal about having a horse that will pack me around XC and that I can have fun on.

KateDB
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:45 PM
Well, I'd think one of the monkey wrenches in this decision is that winter is coming and I'm betting you will have a harder time keeping everyone going. How much progress will you be able to make with any of the horses for the next few months. So, in essence, wherever you are with the greenies, you'll be in the same spot in March/April and will have to start again to make them saleable, putting you a bit behind the 8 ball.

Since your intent is to sell Cat (but that won't happen before 2008), maybe let Connor go, try selling Cat in the spring, play with your other greeny (whom I believe you definitely aren't planning to sell), take monies from C and C, save some and buy something that resembles Connor at that point?

bornfreenowexpensive
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:47 PM
Well...since you haven't even taken Conner x-c and don't know that he will instill the confidence in you...I would now say sell. Just because he went well for another ammie doesn't mean the same will be for you. They can really change in how they go in the ring and out on x-c. He sounds great but if you don't know that you want all his potential....let the buyers try him. They may not like him (and thus make an easy answer)....and in reality, you may take him eventing next spring and ALSO not like him! (HOPEFULLY not true)

Or at least get him out quickly and go school some x-c so you have a better sense as to whether he really is your dream event horse. (if the weather is permitting)

Hannahsmom
Nov. 7, 2007, 01:55 PM
Well...since you haven't even taken Conner x-c and don't know that he will instill the confidence in you...I would now say sell. Just because he went well for another ammie doesn't mean the same will be for you. They can really change in how they go in the ring and out on x-c. He sounds great but if you don't know that you want all his potential....let the buyers try him. They may not like him (and thus make an easy answer)....and in reality, you may take him eventing next spring and ALSO not like him! (HOPEFULLY not true)

Or at least get him out quickly and go school some x-c so you have a better sense as to whether he really is your dream event horse. (if the weather is permitting)

The above is excellent advice. Until you go XC on them, you don't really know if they will feel great to you or not. I guess I'm in the camp of selling (and selling the others as soon as you can). There are lots of nice Novice/Training horses out there. It sounds like your last one ruined your confidence but you can find that wonderful horse whether to buy or to lease.

kansasgal
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:00 PM
If you are a professional, sell the horse. But if you are an amateur, then hang onto who you love.

This is the deciding factor between a hobby and a job.

I would keep him.
Now, I'm sure Mr. Catalina would NOT decapitate you.
Didn't you remember to include that in your wedding vows?
I promise not to decapitate.... even if my wife refuses a great offer on one of her favorite horses?


Good luck and best wishes from Kansas.

Xctrygirl
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:15 PM
You have gotten great advice throughout this thread. I feel your pain and I understand your motivation for each of the 3 horses.

That being said, if we're talking that the people would be willing to plunk down over $20k for Connor, I would seriously consider at least letting them look. As everyone points out, its entirely possible that he may not click with them and then you're still in the same boat as you are now. No harm no foul. But if they do click I'm sorry but that much moulah for a horse you haven't even been able to school xc to decide if he will instill confidence in you.... man what kind of experienced packers you could get to sail through N and maybe T.
And it wouldn't matter what all Connor accomplished without you because you can still say he was yours at one point.

But what worries me is that your first comment was, and I'll quote,

"I can't even tell my husband because, as a non-horsey male friend of mine said, he would decapitate me if I didn't sell the horse."

Now I read and understand the clarifications on this, but honestly this is a big ol red flag to me. Ok so I get he supports you, but do your support the household as much as he would like? Or are the horses ranking above some other bills that maybe he and you need to talk about? It seems possible to me that if you feel you can't discuss a stressful predicament with the person who is your spouse, father of your child and your life partner, then there are bigger issues than whether or not to sell the horse.

IF he's your husband he recognizes the emotional attachment and the financial issues that are in play. You said before that he had wished that you hadn't spent all of TY's sale money and more on Connor. Was this an actual discussion you had with him or did it come out after the fact? And honestly do you let his opinion be considered or do you do with "your" money as you want and he just has to deal? If so, would you be alright if he spent a wad of "his" money on something like a sportscar? Our therapist has gone to great lengths to explain the whole folly of the separate money systems and how it seems inevitably to lead to a breakdown because at the base levels of the marriage is a lack of a partnership on the most common stress topic, money. Yours is yours, his is his and there isn't much of "ours."

Really and this is only my opinion from being in couples therapy, but it sounds like you and hubby should talk a little more about where he really stands on your horses, the finances involved and the feelings he has about any possible sales.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

~Emily

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:18 PM
I have mulled this over a lot, talked to a bunch of people and read everyone's advice. I told my trainer to go ahead and bring the people out to see him on Friday and we will go from there. Who knows, maybe they won't like him after all. And, if they make an offer, then I can panic all over again about what to do ;).

Debbie
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:24 PM
I've read through all the replies and I'm glad I'm not in your shoes. Not very helpful, eh?

It sounds like all your thinking is colored by your experiences with Ty and your expectation of how wonderful Connor will be, but you don't really have the mileage with him yet to KNOW those expectations will be met. Hard as it may be, put Ty out of your mind. If you sell Connor, you will have the dollars to replace him and one of the key requirements of the new mount will be XC reliability, so Ty is no longer a factor, you've moved on.

I have two horses who I say are staying with me forever, but horses are prone to break and honestly if someone came to me with an offer for either of them that would give my husband and me options on other priorities (i.e. a really good offer!) I'd cry a lot and then take it. Today's hundred thousand dollar horse can be someone's pasture ornament tomorrow.

The only thing that makes me waffle on the sell recommendation is how crushed/pissed off are you going to be if Connor and a new owner are out there mowing down the competition while you're in the hunt for the right replacement? I've had greenies for 3 years now and I'm on the cusp of realizing my goals with them, so I know how abhorent the thought of taking a step back - AGAIN - is.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

west5
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:28 PM
Well...since you haven't even taken Conner x-c and don't know that he will instill the confidence in you...I would now say sell. Just because he went well for another ammie doesn't mean the same will be for you. They can really change in how they go in the ring and out on x-c.
Or at least get him out quickly and go school some x-c so you have a better sense as to whether he really is your dream event horse.

I absolutely agree with this post .... at this point you are only "guessing" that he is your dream horse x-country

Speedy
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:30 PM
I absolutely agree with this post .... at this point you are only "guessing" that he is your dream horse x-country

Me too. I didn't realize when I originally responded that you hadn't established a partnership on xc yet.

Good luck with your decision!

Debbie
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:35 PM
The curse of being a slow typist, miss the conclusion while you're typing out your response! Sounds like a good plan.

LisaB
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:43 PM
I've been offered money for Winston and instructor gets calls all time for a horse just like him. She doesn't budge. So something tells me that your instructor thinks otherwise of this horse. While he's great now, she's probably quietly telling you to get another horse while the opportunity is there.
You'll know if this sale is meant to be on Friday. Don't look too much into it until then. If they click then it was meant to be.
Now, the stickier situation is the hubby. My hubby was kinda like this in the beginning. Then he started to see me with Winston at shows and 'got it'. It's because Winston is so cool and I have such a grand time. Your male friend is not your hubby, you're not in love with him and don't live with him. And probably never would from that statement he made. I get a lot of that at work.
If your hubby understood you, he would never ask that you get rid of your horse. And you would never overstep your financial means for a horse. That's the way it works. Just so long as hubby gets wifey time, then you should be good.

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:48 PM
As far as the XC thing goes, he is such a quick learner and so willing to please that I am fairly confident that it will not be an issue. He came to me with wretched dressage scores (in the 50s); within 3 weeks I took him to a dressage schooling show and we were Reserve High Point Champion with a 64% Training level Test 1 and a 71% on Training level Test 2.
Even though I have decided to let the people look at him, I am still so torn.

Catalina
Nov. 7, 2007, 02:57 PM
I've been offered money for Winston and instructor gets calls all time for a horse just like him. She doesn't budge. So something tells me that your instructor thinks otherwise of this horse. While he's great now, she's probably quietly telling you to get another horse while the opportunity is there.
You'll know if this sale is meant to be on Friday. Don't look too much into it until then. If they click then it was meant to be.
Now, the stickier situation is the hubby. My hubby was kinda like this in the beginning. Then he started to see me with Winston at shows and 'got it'. It's because Winston is so cool and I have such a grand time. Your male friend is not your hubby, you're not in love with him and don't live with him. And probably never would from that statement he made. I get a lot of that at work.
If your hubby understood you, he would never ask that you get rid of your horse. And you would never overstep your financial means for a horse. That's the way it works. Just so long as hubby gets wifey time, then you should be good.

My trainer totally understands me and my situation and she knows that the money would be nice. If I said no, I didn't want the people to look at him, she wouldn't think twice about it.

My husband would never 'make' me get rid of a horse. His advice would be to sell, but if I didn't want to he wouldn't force me. He might occassionally say wouldn't it be nice if we had that money, but that would be it. My friend's comment about decapitating was tongue in cheek, especially since I have known him longer then I have known Mr Catalina.

I have wanted a horse like Connor for a long time and now I have him, but, if I sell him, I will have even more money to get another and still have some to put in the bank. Thanks for listening to me as I ramble around trying to get my thoughts straight.

Ilex
Nov. 7, 2007, 03:01 PM
My sale barn worked like this.......

7 stalls available

1 stall belonged to "my horse" ... meaning he was not for sale for ANY price.

That left 6 stalls for projects/sale horses.

Now that said ...

I only had 1 "my horse"...

meaning if 5 were standing in the barn I could only stake a claim to 1 of them.

Now...... the "my horse" did change at times.

BUT...

I only ever allowed myself 1 horse at a time...... the rest were sale horses.

There were MANY times when I had offers for the "my horse" some down right ridiculous (when people hear..."oh that 'my horse' he is not for sale" it like waving a red flag in front of a bull and they are guaranteed to whip out the checkbook and try to spend double or triple their budget). BUT the "my horse" was never sold....it was not even an option.

About hubby...

Are you partners in this business?

Do you keep track of your expenses?

Do you keep track of your time?

What is his roll in the business?

Did he contribute some initial financing?

Do you have an agreement for said financing?

Including a reasonable rate of return?

Any business dealings I have w/hubby are ALWAYS spelled out in advance. Cause I don't know much about his business (excavating) and he didn't know much about horses ..... so we have to rely on each other to make good business decisions as laid out in out plan and agreements w/each other.

Good luck

Tami

CarolinaHurricane
Nov. 7, 2007, 03:07 PM
Keep your marriage happy. Put the money in an account for your next horse and get the youngsters going. If these people click with him and want to pay 2x what you paid, go for it. It really won't be too hard to find a replacement with double the money. There will be a lot of horses in your time, but hopefully only 1 husband. Unless this one is the "horse of a lifetime" I say go for the $$$.

Whisper
Nov. 7, 2007, 03:56 PM
I think you're wise to get them out to have a look/ride him. Since you haven't developed a partnership with him on XC, and you probably won't be doing a lot of XC schooling or HTs in the next couple of months, that gives you some time to focus on getting Cat ready to sell, and training the greenie you want to keep. Does your trainer have access to a packer that she can let you take XC a bit until you can get another horse?

I guess I got the impression from the OP that it's not so much that you feel Connor is "the one" - more that you're so relieved he's *NOT* like Ty. I do think you should discuss it with your husband instead of making the decision completely on your own.

wanderlust
Nov. 7, 2007, 04:29 PM
I guess my only advice is to decide whether he is replaceable. If he is, sell. If he isn't, don't.

I have one right now that to me, is not replaceable. His mind is fabulous. His body is sound. He is brave as a lion. He is my type of ride. Every time I sit on him is an absolute joy, and the best part of my day. Not replaceable, for any amount of money. And I pretty much felt that way from the first time I sat on him.

If that's not how you feel about Connor, go ahead and sell, put the money in investments, and wait for that feeling to come along.

Milocalwinnings
Nov. 7, 2007, 05:51 PM
I've only read 2 pages of replies but didn't see this anywhere.

Could you possibly offer Connor up for a lease (probably a half lease so that you could still use him too)? Seems like that might be something to think about- if they really like the horse and would be willing to do a lease on him instead of buying, that would give you the option to ride him and show him as you wanted, and also have someone else to help put miles on him. This would also give you time to work with your mare to get her ready to sell and work with your other horse, and Connor wouldn't be sitting by the side while you work with your other guys. Plus, if you can arrange some sort of lease agreement with them, and you decide that you did want to sell him, you would already know how they do together.

Also, like some other posters said, I believe that *most* horses that I'll ever have will be for sale for the right price. If someone came and was a good match for my gelding, and offered the right price for him, I'd sell him. However, I had a mare who was absolutly amazing... 3 yrs old, but had a great mind, temperment and body- she would have dominated in the eventing world. We bought her as a resale project, got her for a song. After working with her, I fell in love with her and I had a bond with her bigger than I have ever had with my gelding. She got really sick and had to be put down (so yeah- horses can get sick or injured in a minute)... but if she recovered, my gelding would have easily taken her "for sale" spot and it would have taken a lot for me to sell that mare.

RiverBendPol
Nov. 7, 2007, 06:19 PM
I was offered 50 grand for my Intermediate horse. He, love of my life, whom I had gotten as a 3 year old. I turned down the offer, couldn't bear to let him go, he was the coolest. 6 months later he tweaked a tendon and I was forced to retire him. He's out in my back field now, eating my grass, bored to tears. Chances are he'd have killed the 12 year old kid who's dad offered me the $$ so I guess I made the right choice, eh?
Point being, no one can tell you how to answer this question, simply because there is no good answer. Good luck.........

Platinum Equestrian
Nov. 7, 2007, 06:27 PM
I would sell him, especially if you can turn a profit in that short of a time frame - especially if the Mr. is putting pressure on you regarding the horses. You want to keep him happy, and there are many lovely horses out there that could take you where you want to go. Keep us updated.

I turned down an offer once, and will never do the same thing again.

TB or not TB?
Nov. 7, 2007, 06:38 PM
Ditto to everyone, and one thing to note that I'm sure you realize is that even the sanest, sweetest horses can be totally different rides XC. I've had a few that you could do anything with in the ring and acted half asleep, but once we hit the open field, they were fire-breathing dragons. (haha, but I'd say most of my TBs were fire breathing dragons both in the ring and out!)

Anyway, consider if you turned down the offer and waited until next year to school XC and found that he was not the confidence booster you thought - how would you feel? Going around clean is a good sign, but you don't know what those rides were like. I'm sure we've all seen or experienced "clean" XC rides that made our toes curl. And let's be honest, he IS a 5 y/o TB :winkgrin: But he also could be perfect.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out. I don't envy you! I hope what ever decision you make keeps you happy :yes:

Chipngrace
Nov. 7, 2007, 06:50 PM
Reach inside your heart and your gut and decide. You know the right answer (though it helps to vent it here).

I bought my mare for a song (well, rather my parents did) and only a few months later I was offered 3 times what we bought her for by a guy who owns a big equestrian center on the other side of the twin cities from me. He was there looking at a friends horse for a school horse, but happened to be there during my jumping lesson and wanted to take my horse home with him that day, he had cash.

I was 17 and the sight of the cash sent me into tears and made me put my horse in her stall and stand guard in front of it all night until the man left. That was 7 and a half years ago, and there have been MANY times I have said "why didn't I sell you, you darn b****y mare" :eek: but in the grand scheme of things, I am so glad I kept her. She is worth more to me in my riding education, and at the time (my senior year of high school, just losing my first horse and my best human friend in the same summer), she kept my sanity. Maybe any horse could have done it, but they didn't, it was her. I wouldn't part with her to this day.

I do have a real "pet pony" complex with my horses, I can't imagine parting with either one and the thought drives me to tears to this day.

subk
Nov. 7, 2007, 07:09 PM
I guess my only advice is to decide whether he is replaceable. If he is, sell. If he isn't, don't.

I have one right now that to me, is not replaceable. His mind is fabulous. His body is sound. He is brave as a lion. He is my type of ride...
I nearly spit out my drink! Your horse or your husband?!?

Personally, it's my husband that is not replaceable. My inexpensive project horse I bought for a "4 yr old TB, started undersaddle, 8 weeks over fences" priced turned into a horse of a lifetime. He was skipping around Intermediate with potential for the moon when my husband, who was miserable at work and concerned that the company stock was in the tank, started considering quitting his job to start his own business. Without batting an eye, I told my husband I would sell him for the high 5 figure/low 6 figure price my trainer had said he could get with a single phone call if that's what he thought would make a difference. It might have been one of the best things I ever did for my marriage AND my riding. Even though he ended up not needing me to sell, it defined for him exactly what/who was my priorities. Honestly, there are a lot more great horses out there than great husbands.

I'd sell in a heartbeat. There's an old adage that says: "never turn down the opportunity to sell a horse for a profit." The equine gods are sure to bite you butt within a year if you pass it up. It's a little like bragging that you've never fallen in the water jump.


..then doing something financially sensible with the money--paying off credit cards, paying down the mortgage, creating a savings account, etc.
This was the other stament that had me gobsmacked. If the OP has three horses AND has credit card debt and/or no savings account then there really isn't any question in my mind what the mature adult thing to do here is. It's one thing to be doing a single horse on a shoestring budget without a lot of financial backup, but THREE? As a hobby? Holy cow, do people really do that? How do they sleep at night for the ulcers?

Lori T
Nov. 7, 2007, 07:24 PM
My advice is to keep him. Go with your heart (and don't tell hubby about the offer..I never tell my husband when I get an offer :) )

texang73
Nov. 7, 2007, 07:35 PM
Personally, it's my husband that is not replaceable.

Depends on the husband, really. :lol: :D I ended up divorcing mine, and now have a second horse :cool: (which ex-husband was totally against when we were married, though we had the money, and even though my first horse was 23 at the time, the man was controlling, but I digress...)

Seriously though, you have received MUCH good advice here. If the horse's one in a million to you, keep him. And sell the other two. If not, for the sake of your marriage, consider selling Connor (note I say consider, depending on the state of your marriage ;)). I have two horses, and while the one's board is fairly cheap as a retiree... but I still can't imagine having three money/budget-wise!

My second horse cost me $1500 including professional shipping from LA to TX, and though he needs work and un-training... He will be worth (in a couple years :D) easy 10x what I paid for him... There are a ton more horses like him out there, cheap OTTBs with TONS of potential that need a home!

Agree with subk though, that if you have debt of any kind... IMHO you have too many horses and need to sell either Connor or the other two to pay off debt... Don't mean to preach, but don't live beyond your means, it will only end up biting you in the ass... Big time. I know from experience.

Good luck to you with your decision. I know from your posts that this is a difficult one for you.

RiptonScotch88
Nov. 7, 2007, 07:45 PM
Honestly, I can see it from both sides, so this probably wont help too much, but just a little insite...

One side, if you really like the horse, then keep him. You may be able to find plenty of other OTTB's, but it's the personality of the horse that has to fit you.

On the other hand, if your only going to stay at lower levels, you need to think about what the horse wants. If this is the kind of horse who would absolutley LOVE to be doing bigger things, then it is probably best to let him go to a home where he can be doing Prelim and possibly higher....If thats the case, then you can probably find a nice OTTB to do lower levels with.
It's MUCH harder to find a horse that fits you that is athletic enough to do upper levels, then lower...

Hope that helped!
'Scotch

Foxtrot's
Nov. 7, 2007, 11:04 PM
I've not read all the posts (as usual) but I had some advice once -
"Put $$ signs in your eyes and sell". I broke my heart, sold him and paid off our mortgage. And then watched him win his first Intermediate three months fter I sold him, go on to two NAYR competitions, win the Pony Club gold medal in Kentucky and then take his young rider advanced - I basked in his reflected glory. He retired sound. However, I was a mature rider, had kids, and had no further ambitions to go on to a career in advanced eventing.

The next horse I did NOT sell when offered a good dollar for him because "my daughter was doing the jumpers so successfully on him
and couldn't take him away from her, boo hoo", and he got navicular within the next two years and retired.

However, if a rider has ambitions to be the best they can be at their sport and really go to the top, they have to keep the good horse - and hope.

Then there is the husband factor ....

wanderlust
Nov. 8, 2007, 03:31 AM
I nearly spit out my drink! Your horse or your husband?!?

Ha! I have no husband, so all horse decisions are solely at my discretion. And shoot, when you have a horse this good, you almost don't need a man! :D

2ndyrgal
Nov. 8, 2007, 07:52 AM
you made a 5x profit on your last horse and in a quite short time you can double your money on this one and you are hesitating because...why??? Darling, trust me, you husband will think you are briliant if you sell him. then you can justify your next a "bit more money than the last one" horse purchase with the "well, I made money on the last two didn't I?" theory. This will only work until you have a huge loss (probably on a horse you really like rather than one you don't) but you're on a roll and there are a lot of awfully nice horses for sale out there right now at pretty decent prices. Profit is not a dirty word. Sell him before he does something stupid and gets hurt. Which, with horse luck being as it is, is bound to happen. A horse in the hand is expensive.

DancingPretense
Nov. 8, 2007, 08:09 AM
I am in the camp of selling him. With double your profits on a horse you havne't had all that long it is a no brainer. For what it sounds like you need a solid Noive/Training horse you should have no problem finding that with your new budget and it sounds like Conner is ready to go Prelim not go back to BN.

Fence2Fence
Nov. 8, 2007, 09:16 AM
Originally Posted by Fence2Fence
..then doing something financially sensible with the money--paying off credit cards, paying down the mortgage, creating a savings account, etc.

This was the other stament that had me gobsmacked. If the OP has three horses AND has credit card debt and/or no savings account then there really isn't any question in my mind what the mature adult thing to do here is. It's one thing to be doing a single horse on a shoestring budget without a lot of financial backup, but THREE? As a hobby? Holy cow, do people really do that? How do they sleep at night for the ulcers?

In the OPs defense, she never stated she had debt. I threw that out there as an example of smart things to do with the money. I'm right there with you, subk, on not being able to sleep without having financial backup. That's the reason I don't have credit cards, nor car loans...heck, I recently paid off my new horse trailer in full simply because I didn't want the financial pressure of the loan. The only outstanding item I have is my farm mortgage, and I'm working to pay that off.

But, I know lots of people, with horses and not, that whip out that credit card for anything. The average American carries about $8,000 in credit card debt. That's the stat I remember from a few years back--wouldn't be surprised if the average is more now. Heck, I remember reading in Practical Horseman of some up and coming dressage trainer who went to Florida for the winter and used his credit card to finance the trip--and sold the horse to pay off the card. Bad business idea, imho, as if that horse went lame, he'd have massive debt and a lame horse!

If I was in the OP shoes, I'd sell Connor and then I'd write a large check to my mortgage company...maybe keep $2k back for an OTTB.

melodiousaphony
Nov. 8, 2007, 09:37 AM
Personally, I couldn't imagine selling either of my two horses. One got me through my parent's divorce and taught me SO much that I just could not sell her... she's one of "those" horses. But she's also part leased to two young girls to help pay her board. Even if she wasn't, she's still falls into the no-price-tag category.

Spot... I think I've reached the "point of no return" on him. We've gone out, had fun, and though we're in the BN->Novice move-up come spring, he's going to be my Prelim horse (assuming I grow a pair, as his were removed a while back). Not sure there's a price I'd take for him either, but there's *something* about sitting on him I can't put my finger on that is _so_ hard to find.

That said, I'm sure there will be horses I'll own and sell, hell, buy to sell just because I do want to retrain OTTBs (not necessarily for profit, breaking even with some happy smiles on low level event riders looking for "The horse" would suffice). So it depends on how you feel sitting on Conner... how do you feel? Is there that special something? I don't mean that everything is perfect, everything feels right, you click totally, but that feeling you get when you meet someone that you think really COULD be close friend for years to come. I've certainly sat on horses that I could get a good ride out of but, honestly, bored me to tears or I had no REAL connection too. Those I could sell.

As for husbands, I'm not married. I do have a long term boyfriend that did not hold it against me when I few to MD on his birthday (30th, he was trying to forget it anyway) to look at a horse [Spot]. So I guess my priorities are a bit warped. I love him, I would do a LOT for him, but part of who I am is an "equestrian" (or trying to be one). He understands that is who I am. If you bought a horse using his money and he fussed that you didn't make a profit selling him because you bought another horse, I'd understand the issue. However, if you bought him yourself, put in the elbow grease yourself, and are getting flack for it... I'd have a problem with that, personally. But I'm not really a what's-mine-is-yours kind of gal when it comes to finances (that may have something to do with my age and not being married).

pony grandma
Nov. 8, 2007, 10:08 AM
A horse in the hand is expensive.

Save this thought.

Catalina
Nov. 8, 2007, 10:08 AM
Wow, you all have given me a bunch to think about :eek:.

I am still torn and a lot of it is due to the 'what if' factor, which is not the most logical way to go about things, I know. I have not really had him long enough to establish weather or not we have a true connection. I do enjoy riding him, but it is not a knock my socks off experience. He has some issues that we are working on correcting- he was never truly asked to engage and use his hind end- that can make riding him a tad frustrating, but, we often have those lightbulb moments where he goes 'a-ha' and suddenly gets it, and then he is a blast to ride. The thing I like about him is that he is not uber green and I can work on refining rather than defining things. And he has an awesome mind and just the right amount of lookiness to make him respect the jumps. But, the money sure would be nice and I already have a lead on a couple of horses that could also work out well for me. I just don't know!!!!!

The only thing I can do now is wait and see what happens tomorrow. Who knows, maybe the Florida people won't even come see him or maybe they won't like him. That would make my decision easy :winkgrin:.

fooler
Nov. 8, 2007, 10:49 AM
I am with Subk - it is harder to find a good mate than to find a good horse. Trust me, I have kissed a lot, I mean a lot, of frogs.

I subbornly hung on to my horse - who is still with me. Would I do it again - I don't know. Would she have acheived greatness with another rider, very probably. But as someone noted several years ago - the horse doesn't care about that - they only care that the food comes regular, the shelter is good & they are cared for. The desire for glory or greatness is our 'burden'.

If you want to go for it - sit down and map out a plan with your husband. You will have to discuss with him sooner or later - better to do it sooner. Get him on your side or at least neutral - nothing worst than to try to make a run with the person or persons at home sabotaging every move possible.

Do you need all 3 of your current horses? If no get very objective about which one(s) to sell. Take them out to x-c school or schooling shows before the weather sets in to have a more honest appraisal of their ability and your fit. This is normally a bad time to sell. Do you sell now & take your chances or school them over the winter then offer for sale in the spring? What is your plan?

Let the folks try out the horse. They all may fall in love & you will see it is a good fit. Or they may not. Better to be open to all opportunities.

By all means be honest with your husband. Nothing worst than to have someone else mention this in a conversation later on. Your spouse may start to question everything you do in an effort to make certain you are not 'hiding' anything from him.
Sorry to be so long. Good Luck.

Catalina
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:20 PM
Yikes :eek:. My trainer just called me and she is going to be unable to show Connor to the Florida people, so I have to do it on Saturday :eek: :eek: :eek:. I was trying to keep myself distant from this.

I am still so torn, but, I realized that I could sell Connor, buy a cheaper one and still come out with more money then if I had just sold Ty and never bought Connor, and that would make for a VERY happy husband. But, who knows, maybe the people won't even like him.

europa
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:26 PM
Don't be foolish.....go back and count how many times in your posts you said you have wanted a horse like this and now you have him.

KEEP THE HORSE

Tell the hubby that you will sell one of the other ones as soon as you think you can get some good $$ for them and focus on your horse!!

For heavens sake this is your DREAM.....live it.

Don't be the person who 5 years from now watches this horse spank everyone at a very high level while you sit on the sidelines saying WHAT IF

NO BRAINER HERE

Candle
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:35 PM
I'm reading the opposite from your posts. It sounds like you NEED to take this horse x-c before you decide to keep him. I would sell, honestly. There are a lot of willing-to-please horses out there for dirt cheap, and to reiterate what a former poster said, it sounds like you're just so relieved that he's NOT Ty.

Invested1
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:45 PM
But, the money sure would be nice and I already have a lead on a couple of horses that could also work out well for me. I just don't know!!!!!

Sounds like you DO know.....

LarissaL
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:46 PM
I have to agree with those who say finding a good husband is harder than finding a good horse. Just as with a horse, a relationship with a husband is always developing, finding setbacks and going forward. Personally, I wouldn't intentionally induce those setbacks.

I know a lot of people say "my husband is supportive and understands why I do this." My long term boyfriend is the same way. But every once in a while, I feel like he should be rewarded for his support. I can recognize his way too and give back to him what he's given to me.

My search for a good guy was MUCH LONGER than any horse search I've ever done. I'd rather enjoy riding the good-but-not-great horses, miss out on my "horse of a lifetime," rather than risk things with my "guy of a lifetime." He deserves to be happy too.

Catalina
Nov. 8, 2007, 12:51 PM
... to reiterate what a former poster said, it sounds like you're just so relieved that he's NOT Ty.
I posted several months ago about not having fun anymore because Ty was just so darn talanted, but he was a pain in the bottom to get around XC. You never knew which fence was going to jump up and bite him and cause him to lose his mind. I practically had to carry him around XC and the thought of having something that will take me for a change is incredibly appealing.
So, yes, I am very relieved that he is not Ty.

Foxtrot's
Nov. 8, 2007, 01:11 PM
Is the offer serious enough to make all this anguish worthwhile? If you bought Connor for a good deal, the doubling up of the money still may not make it worth it. Considering how much horses cost to keep, it sounds likeyou are over-stocked! Even selling one or two for a loss, over time, one makes it up.

Catalina
Nov. 8, 2007, 02:32 PM
From what my trainer says, Connor is exactly what they are looking for. Of course, there is always the chance that nothing will come of all this, but I have to go through the angst anyway :uhoh:. I have only had Connor for six weeks and I don't have that much into him, so the doubling up is pretty significant.

Janet
Nov. 8, 2007, 02:58 PM
One of the "nuggest of wisdom" I learned from my sister's UK trainer was:
"The best time to sell is when you most want to keep him".

Lisa Cook
Nov. 8, 2007, 03:12 PM
I have only had Connor for six weeks and I don't have that much into him, so the doubling up is pretty significant.

Six WEEKS? Good heavens. You aren't even out of the "honeymoon" stage with this horse, yet. You haven't schooled him xc yet - you've had him for such a short period of time, you barely know the horse.

I don't understand the anguish over selling a horse you've barely owned. There are lots of good, honest, novice horses out there, if that is the limit of what you are looking for. I'd sell, thank the horse gods for sending such a generous offer your way, and move on.

DLee
Nov. 8, 2007, 03:13 PM
One of the "nuggest of wisdom" I learned from my sister's UK trainer was:
"The best time to sell is when you most want to keep him".

Wow. I'm in that position right now, that's a great quote. One thing, it makes me stick to a better price when I actually WANT to keep a horse...:lol:

deltawave
Nov. 8, 2007, 04:11 PM
Let them try the horse. They may not even want him if they do (unless I missed something) and if they love him, jack the price up just a little more.

That is, unless the thought of selling him just breaks your heart. You only live once, and it really comes down to a "trust your gut" thing. Neither decision could be called "right" or "wrong" by anyone but YOU.

Having never taken him XC, though--for big bucks you could probably do some VERY fun shopping for an even MORE confirmed/experienced one! :)

Good luck deciding! :)

tx3dayeventer
Nov. 8, 2007, 05:54 PM
Having never taken him XC, though--for big bucks you could probably do some VERY fun shopping for an even MORE confirmed/experienced one! :)

Good luck deciding! :)


I agree with deltawave. You can find a proven "whatever-level" horse for what you gain to make on Connor.

I wish I had sold my gelding when a guy walked up with a 6-digit check. I didnt and regret the other prospectS (yes, plural) I could have gotten and actually built a show string to take to the upper levels instead of putting all my eggs in one basket (ie one horse). Hindsights 20/20. The way I look at it, I was 18 and could have ALOT more money now, at 25 working my tail off barely affording one horse, than I do and be in a lot different place had I sold my prized gelding.

Emotions can not make good business decisions.

My $.02

Foxtrot's
Nov. 8, 2007, 06:06 PM
I don't know if I'm reading you right, but if you need a confidence-giver, take the money, and run out and buy yourself a part Irish horse. They practically break themselves and are naturals for x-country. (then sell the other two and give the money to hubby for some new golf clubs).

melodiousaphony
Nov. 9, 2007, 07:06 AM
I have only had Connor for six weeks and I don't have that much into him, so the doubling up is pretty significant.

For some reason the part about you not having taken him XC didn't click with me until I also read this line...

I must admit, it changes my position slightly towards "sell him," if you don't already know what it feels like to GO with him. I took Spot to an event (only BN) a month after I got him and he took awesome care of me which gave me a good "this is MY horse" vibe. But I'm not sure I'd be as attached if I didn't know what happened when we both went out and faced the new and different. A horse's response to that is really important to me, as it is what we do. I was, however, lucky enough to be able to take him over a couple XC obstacles in trying him out because the trainer I bought him from has a sweet set up with a jumping ring you can jump in/out of and some xc fences. That makes quite a bit of difference.

LisaB
Nov. 9, 2007, 07:52 AM
Catalina,
It keeps sticking in my mind that there's something else going on here that we're not seeing.
You haven't bonded with this horse yet (really, you haven't).
You have a couple of other horses and someone is offering $$ for this new one.
Your trainer has set this up. She has taken time and effort to tell buyers about horse and set up appt. While she can't be there, her time is valuable and wouldn't be wasting it if she thought at all that this was a better situation for you.
Then this shaky situation with the hubby.
What's really going on here?
I think it's pretty darned obvious that this horse is a symptom of something besides just selling the horse.

gr8fulrider
Nov. 9, 2007, 10:41 AM
You had so much heartbreak with Ty, and were ecstatic when you found Connor. Catalina sounds like a lovely mare but she doesn't sound like the horse who is going to help you get brave again, because she's green and not a bold and brave one (yet) like Connor. You got the horse you wanted after many setbacks in confidence, and not having fun anymore.

The cheapest thing about riding is the horse. And it is very, very hard to find a good horse-- particularly a made amateur horse. It seems to me that you can make your pocketbook just as stuffed and your hubby just as happy by selling one or both of the other horses and keeping the horse that you've waited for so long.

Is there something about Connor that you actually don't like? Is he too bold? It just seems that after having trouble X-C with Ty, having a bold and willing x-c horse would be priceless.

My $.02.

Catalina
Nov. 9, 2007, 11:32 AM
You had so much heartbreak with Ty, and were ecstatic when you found Connor. Catalina sounds like a lovely mare but she doesn't sound like the horse who is going to help you get brave again, because she's green and not a bold and brave one (yet) like Connor. You got the horse you wanted after many setbacks in confidence, and not having fun anymore.

The cheapest thing about riding is the horse. And it is very, very hard to find a good horse-- particularly a made amateur horse. It seems to me that you can make your pocketbook just as stuffed and your hubby just as happy by selling one or both of the other horses and keeping the horse that you've waited for so long.

Is there something about Connor that you actually don't like? Is he too bold? It just seems that after having trouble X-C with Ty, having a bold and willing x-c horse would be priceless.

My $.02.

Westlaw hit it on the head. I absolutely adore Connor, especially after I rode him yesterday and he was such a good boy even with my son and three of his friend's playing Civil War at full volume right next to my riding ring :eek:. The only things that even makes me think about selling him is that it would be hard to turn down that kind of money and he really could be an uppel level horse and I'm not sure if I want to do the upper levels. But, after I rode him yesterday, I found myself saying 'I don't want to sell him', over and over again and now I am totally torn.

pharmgirl
Nov. 9, 2007, 11:41 AM
After just spending almost 2 years trying to find the right horse for me, I totally understand how difficult it must be to think about letting one go that you enjoy.

That said, if you want to event him you need to be sure you are compatible in ALL phases (that's why you sold Ty, right?). I know he went around with someone else, and it may not be an issue, but that's not you and you don't know yet. I am just starting out eventing, and am not very bold out xc so I wouldn't get anything I couldn't try xc first. I needed to make sure I felt safe with them out there.

If these people like him, I suggest you tell them you will think about it and get him out to school xc ASAP. Weather may make things a bit difficult, but even if it's just some field work with a jumping trail ride, small logs, banks, whatever, it might help make your decision.

hey101
Nov. 9, 2007, 12:08 PM
The only things that even makes me think about selling him is that it would be hard to turn down that kind of money and he really could be an uppel level horse and I'm not sure if I want to do the upper levels. But, after I rode him yesterday, I found myself saying 'I don't want to sell him', over and over again and now I am totally torn.

I think you need to imagine this scenario now in your head:
Can you bear to part with him for any price. If NO, then you are done. If YES, is that parting price $2x what you just paid for him. If you can part with him for $2x, then

Let them come try him. It may come to nothing- they might not like him.

If they do like him, stick to the price- no bargaining whatsoever. no matter what may show up on vetting (although assuming not much could have happened in 6 weeks since you bought him).

But it would be unfair to the buyers to have them come out, love him, and hten you change your mind about selling him. You don't want to be one of THOSE sellers, do you?! ;)

WW_Queen
Nov. 9, 2007, 12:31 PM
I don't think this is an "all or nothing" situation. It's not like you are choosing between your horse and your husband!

If you need to "give" him something in return for putting up with your horse habits, compromise and sell one (or both) of your other horses in order to keep "The One". It would be all well and good if we all married people that were supportive and encouraging regarding our time away from home, spent participating in a dangerous and expensive sport.

Some of us are just not that lucky.... :rolleyes:

I think you are putting this pressure on yourself. Yes you want to give back to your hubby but sacrificing your new guy is a big one. If selling this horse means that all past, present and future problems with your hubby will "not count" because you gave up this horse, then by all means do it!

In reality, it's a bandaid solution (make the hubby feel better) to a lifelong addiction (horses).

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Debbie
Nov. 9, 2007, 12:56 PM
I appreciate wanting input from third party sources, but ultimately it's only a decision that you and your husband can reach together. I have a feeling this thread is making the decision harder, not easier! Good arguments on both sides, but only you and your husband can put them in the context of your relationship/finances/goals, etc.

I've got a 4 year old that I've had since she was 1.5 and due to various health problems with her, I was never sure if she was going to make it as my event prospect. I absolutely know what you mean about the feelings around sitting on one that makes you feel safe/happy/excited. It's a powerful motivator. Luckily for me, I now have sooooo much money in her that nobody is going to offer enough to have to make a decision about keeping her.:lol::lol:

Centuree
Nov. 11, 2007, 11:55 AM
So what happened Catalina? Did they like the horse? Did you decide not to show your horse? I am really anxious to find out what you decided to do.

hb
Nov. 11, 2007, 02:00 PM
Just about the only regret I have, looking back over the last couple of decades, is selling the best horse I ever owned before I got to do much with her. I sold her for four times what I bought her for, and that money financed some changes I had to make in my life, but looking back after more than 10 years have passed I can see that it wasn't the right choice, even though it seemed like a no-brainer at the time.

Sell one or both of the other horses if you have to sell something to appease your husband.

WeDoItAll
Nov. 11, 2007, 02:35 PM
My vote: sell the horse.

Here's what I see:
- you're personal riding interest is low level eventing, you don't need/want an upper level prospect -- those are the ones you will develop and profit from
- you have been considering "hobbying" in buy, train, resell of horses.
- you've had this horse SIX WEEKS
- you're previous concerns have been XC and you haven't done it with this horse yet
- doubling your money in SIX WEEKS

Anyway -- interested in the result.

DancingPretense
Nov. 11, 2007, 06:50 PM
I am interested to know how this weekend went as well, give us an update!

eventer_mi
Nov. 11, 2007, 07:50 PM
I have a hard time understanding something - these people are willing to pay big bucks for a horse that's not proven xc? Why? If you are saying that you can buy something made with the money and have something left over, what is so special about Connor (no offense) that these people couldn't do the same? Do they want him for a different sport (jumpers, maybe)? It doesn't make any sense to sell him, and then turn around and spend the money on something greener, or spend it all on something more made. The point of this is to make some extra cash, right? So, something doesn't add up for me.

If these people are legit and they truly want to spend that much on him, I'm with all the others who say "sell", just because you haven't had him long enough to truly KNOW him yet. Don't let them look and waste their time if you are on the fence about selling. My friend, who is also on this board, had someone do this to her and it really made her mad, and I don't blame her one bit.

Now, that said, leave the husband out of the decision process and think to yourself - what kind of price do you put on trust and confidence? I realize that you haven't gone xc with this horse, but some horses just give you the feeling that you can jump the moon on them. When you think about jumping a spooky xc fence, what happens in your mind? Do you think "hell, yeah!" or "hmmm, I'm not sure he's going to take me over it". If it's the former, then maybe it's worth keeping him around for a while. If it's the latter, then SELL HIM. You can build up a bond with another horse.

I have a Paint gelding that I wouldn't part with at any price, and for me, all of my horses have always been for sale at the right price. I'm an ammy, and I've broken my leg badly in a riding accident, and this gelding gives me the feeling that I could jump the moon and back again. Earlier this summer, there was a time when I felt like I could sell him as he was still green and bit looky to the jumps, but after sailing around xc for his first three shows and then this xc school I had today, there is no amount of money in the world that could buy the trust that I have in him. It doesn't matter that I could conceivably buy a made horse with the money I could get from him. I TRUST him, and since I can't risk breaking my leg again or I'll never walk, I can't put a dollar figure on that.

So, if Connor gives you that feeling that you could jump the moon, then keep him. If you are the least bit unsure, set a figure in your head, let the people look at him, and then stick to it.

Catalina
Nov. 12, 2007, 09:08 AM
So here's what happened:

Friday I told my husband about the deal and he surprised the heck out of me (I guess you can never completely know somebody ;)) and said to not sell the horse if I was not really committed to getting rid of him. He didn't even want the buyer to come out, but we decided to have her come just in case Connor was 'the one' for her, especially since it was not out of her way.

The buyer was right on time on Saturday and I, I have to say, was not at my selling best :winkgrin:. She was an incredibly nice woman and when she said that Connor was not exactly what she was looking for, I told her I was glad to hear that. Personally, I think she was put off by his roaring, which is extremely mild and he only makes a little noise, but I believe that was an issue with her.

And now, I am just glad that is over!!!!


I have a hard time understanding something - these people are willing to pay big bucks for a horse that's not proven xc? Why?

He went around Training level clean several times with his former owner :).

Jazzy Lady
Nov. 12, 2007, 09:29 AM
Now you know it's meant to be.

Good luck with him! Get him out cross schooling soon so you can really bond and make sure he's the horse for you!

Glad hubby is supportive. :)

Whisper
Nov. 12, 2007, 09:36 AM
I'm glad you discussed it with your husband - it sounds like he really understands! Good luck with Connor!

Centuree
Nov. 12, 2007, 01:37 PM
Good, I'm glad you are going to be keeping him. You may have always regretted selling him. Happy Eventing!

CookiePony
Nov. 12, 2007, 02:07 PM
This is the best possible scenario! No regrets about either selling the horse or not selling him... and you now know you have your husband's support.

:cool:

midnightride
Dec. 26, 2009, 10:59 PM
whew!!!! :eek::eek::eek:

close call!!!!!!!:winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin:

betcha the lady is changing her mind now.....

not sure how i found this post 2 yrs late.....:confused:

bored blond moment i guess.....winter....;)

Gry2Yng
Dec. 27, 2009, 09:47 AM
I haven't read it all. Let the person come look. 90% of the time it goes no where anyway. But, my advice is never turn down cash for a horse. Wish I were making money on them like you are.

Zu Zu
Dec. 27, 2009, 10:39 AM
If you are a professional, sell the horse. But if you are an amateur, then hang onto who you love.

This is the deciding factor between a hobby and a job.
What Dawnd said ~ I say keep & enjoy your horse.And just forget (it slipped your mind) to tell husband about this situation at all ! IMHO

KBG Eventer
Dec. 27, 2009, 01:03 PM
Just to let everyone know...this thread is from 2007! And I remember from reading the Goals thread that it sounds like things with Connor turned out very well. :)

purplnurpl
Dec. 27, 2009, 10:34 PM
I did not read all 3 pages of posts. So I'm sorry if I"m repeating.

I think the biggest issue is that you are an Adult Amateur (I'm guessing) and your husband wants to see money coming in from your hobby.

That just doesn't happen.

So I don't think this particular instance is important as having him understand that money doesn't come in and just becuase there may be a big cash out on this one horse that is not how it will be in the future.

Also, you have three horses now? I can see how he may like one of them to go.

Offer to sell one of them. And regardless of what offers you have now, choose to sell who you think you can part with.

But really I don't know much about relationships so take my advice with a grain of salt.

ohhthatgirl
Dec. 27, 2009, 10:52 PM
Just to let everyone know...this thread is from 2007! And I remember from reading the Goals thread that it sounds like things with Connor turned out very well. :)

:lol: I was halfway through reading and just so happened to look up to see the "2007." Oh well... still an interesting read. So glad that Connor worked out! Sounds like y'all have made quite an impression in the Eventing world. Congrats!

Catalina
Dec. 29, 2009, 08:58 AM
Wow, where did this come from?

I am sooooooooo glad that I did not sell Connor because things turned out even better then I ever imagined :D. He is an amazing XC machine and to this date, he has 0 XC jumping faults on his record after about 30 or so horse trials BN through Training and has won 7 times (he has actually never been out of the ribbons). I finished on top of the Leaderboard last year and 2nd this year at Novice because of him. He is definitely one of a kind horse and I love him to pieces :D :D :D.

BTW, midnightride is the one that I bought Connor from :).

cranky
Dec. 29, 2009, 09:08 AM
Wow, where did this come from?

I am sooooooooo glad that I did not sell Connor because things turned out even better then I ever imagined :D. He is an amazing XC machine and to this date, he has 0 XC jumping faults on his record after about 30 or so horse trials BN through Training and has won 7 times (he has actually never been out of the ribbons). I finished on top of the Leaderboard last year and 2nd this year at Novice because of him. He is definitely one of a kind horse and I love him to pieces :D :D :D.

BTW, midnightride is the one that I bought Connor from :).


So glad that it all worked out, what a fantastic ending!

midnightride
Dec. 29, 2009, 11:13 AM
I admit- I am a sucker for a happy ending!!
AND the story isn't over yet!!

You have done such an amazing job with him and the two of you are a beautiful pair to watch (for everyone but your competition:lol: )

Congrats on your success and best of luck in the up coming years:D

Now just a word of advice to everyone, if you grab some chocolate milk at a gas station- do a sniff test BEFORE driving down the road and taking a chug.... off to clean my truck :o

Carol Ames
Dec. 29, 2009, 12:33 PM
with hindsight , always 20-20, of course; I read my COTH and think "Why didn't
I turn amateur of course, no one was:winkgrin: certain what that was just keep my good horses for myself to enjoy them myself? I do understand selling in order to pay bills but, if that is not imperative, having a "special horse"is ok :(?so, be glad ;)that you've found one :cool: