Dear Horse,

[curlyponeigh]

Thank you for the rope burn. My palm and pointer finger needed cotton and thread embedded under the skin. You obliged by spinning and dashing off when I turned you out today. You could also see I needed exercise, so proceeded to run around with your lead dragging and all your friends cheering you on from either side of the fence. Thank you.

I'm sure if you were able you'd send me a Dear Human letter; something like this?

Dear Human,
Why did you chase me and make me run when my tongue was hanging out of my mouth after you interrupted me getting a drink after I worked you out?

In any case, Horse, it's much appreciated. Until next time.

Sincerely,
Human

[Dressage4Fun]

Dear Horse,

I want to thank you so much for the bruise you gave me today,, it matches the one that your brother gave me yesterday. You and he must have had a nice conferance call about standing on my foot as I groomed you in the morning,, and how nice of yall to alternate feet for me!! I was so happy for that,, it helped me so much,, now I can not decide weather to limp on the left or the right! BUT on the bright side they are BOTH a pretty shade of black right now.

I would also like to thank you for the frayed lead rope,, I KNOW better than to leave you tied up for LONGER than .004 sec.,,, but I REALLY needed that brush,, so I just know you needed to suck on it,, and since I have nothing better to spend my money on, I will get a new one tomorrrow.

Well my love,, I will be out tomorrow for the next round with your brother and yourself,, rest up!!
love your BEST friend
Sam

As for the

[nwrider]

Dear Horse,

I want to thank you for waiting until I was brushing your tail to pass gas today. That was very thoughtful of you. I know that you were just being considerate and wanted to share a little more of yourself with me.

It was not quite enough that you felt the need to wipe your mouth on me after drinking water. Or doing your best to make sure you slathered me with the frothy apple drool from the lovely fruit I picked off the tree for you. I know you love me, I love you too. Please, I just ask that going forward you save your gaseous eruptions for when I am not working anywhere around your hind end.

Thank you.

Lots of love always,

Your faithful owner

[TheJenners]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for trying to be polite and lift your hind leg for me tonight when you thought I was trying to pick it. I was merely trying to feel it because it looked a little bit full, and I care about your health. And thank for you continuing to snatch it up again and again as I made more attempts to feel your leg while you rested it flat footed. I also greatly appreciated the little dance you did when I finally pinched your front leg and then tried to palpate the hind; I am much impressed by how quickly you can lift and place your front and hind foot. You must have known how much I needed to stretch my back in order to lift and HOLD your front leg up in order to finally get a good hand swipe down the hind leg that lasted about two-tenths of a second. I'm sure you only want me to do well on my PFT tomorrow as I test to try to get into a better paying job in order to support you in a more luxurious style.

With love
Jenners

[Bluey]

Dear horse:

Thanks for returning thru the bars, into the aisle, the flake of beautiful alfalfa I just fed you, that happens to be from last year's hay, while I was getting the one of this year's bale for you.

I do get the message, that you prefer the new hay, but it is too new to be fed in larger quatities, I assure you.

I do promise to fed it first tomorrow. I agree, life is short, eat dessert first.:)

[mzpeepers]

Dear Horse,
I just wanted to let you know that my big toe nail is finally growing out again without that lovely black shade you so thoughfully provided for me by landing on my foot after that nasty bee stung you. I do appreciate your sense of fashion. I do understand that dark colors are the rage when it comes to nail polish.
However, I respectfully like to remind you that I am of the old fashioned kind and that red nail polish will do my tow nails just fine from now on.
That is in no way an invitation for you to help me achieve the perfect blood red color in the future.
I have to cut this letter to you short, as I need to run out to purchase the treats you so love before the feed store closes. I understand that your needs are of the utmost importance so I hope you'll understand my failure to write a longer thank you letter is due solely to my concern you'll think less of me as your servant if I don't provide the treats to you in a timely manner.
Sincerely,
Your owner.

[JaneeneSings]

Dear Human,

Why do you spray me with water from the snake's mouth? Why do you put that awful smelling foaming product on my mane & tail and then spend so much time -- that I could be out eating green stuff -- combing (feels like pulling) my long-haired body parts. Have I not taught you that I will go straight to the nearest dirt pile and roll immediately upon my release??? You humans aren't very smart....

Sincerely,
Horse

[J Swan]

Dear Horse;

Thank you for contributing to my weight loss program. I do so appreciate that you allow me to get within 2 feet of you, before galloping off into the back 40. This allows me to maximize my heart rate as I try and catch you in time to make the meet. You are truly a mountain of kindness and consideration.


Dear Human;

Do you know how freakin' early it is? Even the pig isn't awake yet. Do you really think I want to go to work this early in the morning? Oh, and by the way, your shirt clashes with your stock tie and you need to skip a meal.

[eventmom]

Dear Pony,
I am sorry you pulled a muscle in your neck last week. Sounds like you were having too much fun playing with the big guys!
Did you not notice how your young rider took care of you? She didn't ask for a ride all week. She buted you, she messaged you, she iced you, etc...
So, now your well. Why did you have to be such a brat at the show yesterday? I mean really, refusing an 18inch jump just for fun? Trotting when she asked for a walk?
Is this how we repay other's kindness?
Have you not learned anything about the give and take of relationships?

[JRG]

Dear Horse,

I make this last minute plee, to be clean this morning, to be patient with your human, and to be giving and relaxed for our first show together.

Your human doesn't ask for much, in return for all her hard work trying to keep you clean, bug free and fed with all the best stuff. Don't forget the never ending supply of peppermints that are like a pez dispenser for you.

With love,
Your human


I will let you know what the answer was later!

[Reynard Ridge]

Dear Ponies,
I miss you! :cry: How are things with you?
Love, RR

Dear Ponies,
I really, really miss you! :cry::cry: Please, um, drop me a note and let me know how things are going, would you?
Love, RR

Dear Ponies,
I miss you more than you can possibly imagine! :cry::cry::cry: So, how's it going with you?? Love to hear the news!
Love, RR

Dear Ponies,
Remember me?? The chick with the food?? I MISS you! Would you mind acknowledging my correspondence???
With affection, RR

Dear Ponies,
I am sure you are having a good time (TOO GOOD A TIME TO LIFT A FREAKING PEN AND WRITE) but I would sure love to know how its going with you. You know, I do miss you, and I am sure you must miss me. May be even just a LITTLE bit???
Longingly, RR

Dear RR,
The grass is still green here. Kiss off already, would you??
The $700 Pony and the Wee Spotted

[War Admiral]

Dear RR,
We loff you, you know we do. It's just that we loff our FOOD so much BETTER! We miss you too and hope you will be back soon so we can continue on in our adventures.
Loff,
Ponies


Dear Horse:

I like to think we have a solid working relationship. And really, you prove this every single day, both under saddle and in harness. I fully realize you have no grass to eat. I understand the concept that You. Are. Pissed. Off.

Please be aware that we humans, though our opposable thumbs can do an awful lot to keep you in the style to which you are accustomed, can do very little about the lack of forage, b/c talented as we are, we just CANNOT make it rain. Grass needs rain in order to grow.

Please be assured that we are doing our very best to ensure that you have good things to eat.

It would be nice if you would at least TRY a few of them before you start throwing them all around the stall, you big baboon!

Loff
WA



Dear WA:

Who you callin' a baboon, TWOLEGS?

WANT. GRASS.

Loff
Avery (HRH)

[RNB]

Dear RR,

Refresh our memories....who are you? Perhaps sending us treats will help with our memory!!!!

$700 and Wee Spotted Pony

[RiverBendPol]

Dear Horse,
I am so sorry I let you whack your fetlock last week at the beach. I didn't realize that shining water and softly lapping waves would have such a dramatic effect on you. Clearly it was all my fault you had to spin and bolt to get away from the threatening water and of course your right foot had to rip into your left fetlock.

I would like to commend you, though, on your increased wisdom regarding your medications. When the process first began, you thought I was trying to poison you. Of course you did, why wouldn't I? I had already slashed your ankle, I may as well give you poison. When I tried to clean and wrap your wound, you naturally believed I was attempting an amputation. Now, just a short week later, you are standing stock still for the wrapping, perhaps because I am no longer scrubbing? Now, for your twice-daily dose of TMS, you simply raise your head to the ceiling and are no longer running circles around me in your room. This I appreciate. Ever the optimist, I believe you to be a quick study. Perhaps you will learn to run and jump as quickly? You will see quite soon that I no longer have to wrap your leg and instead we can head off together into the woods to track those big black birds who so offend you. Perhaps you can catch one soon.

With love and appreciation,

Your Human

[BuddyRoo]

Dear Horse-

Thank you for getting better. I know I only spent $300 thus far on your treatment and normally, if the bill isn't upwards of $3k, you feel like I haven't been sufficiently drained financially. But I really appreciate that you're doing your best to keep eating, drinking, and generally looking terrific despite the el cheapo treatment that we've been doing.

For the record, I DID take the hint that you're enjoying all this babying and would like a blanket for the rest of the winter. I'm working on it. Let's call that your "reward" for getting better on the $300 plan. ;)

Love you!
Owner


Dear Owner-

Um, sorry about that whole getting sick thing. I really don't like it any more than you do. I'm super motivated to get well because I'm tired of having a thermometer shoved up my bum twice a day and watching you walk around so worried. You're just not that fun when you're like this. And that white crap in the syringe? Yeah, I'm over that too. So we can stop any day now. Get the vet back out for my recheck, okay? I'm cool. I'm golden. I'm fine. STOP WORRYING.

Notice me eating? Feel free to throw me more of that second cutting. It rocks. Oh, and this blanketing thing? IT rocks too! I would REALLY like one of my own that doesn't hang to my knees like a dress. You think I could have one? Please?

See you in a few.

Love,
Your horse

PS: Since you decided to sleep in this morning, you're gonna have to chase me for at least 30 minutes out in the pasture to catch me and give me the yucko white medicine. Wear your running shoes, BIA! Ciao!

[audgesmom]

Dear Pony,

I love you.....more than you know. Thank you for putting up with me and my wannabe dressage.....thank you for learning to canter to the right, and learning to leg yield and trying hard to learn SF and HI......thank you for helping me learn so much about what a horses legs need to do in canter and in trot and in walk, thank you for teaching me that outside aids are the most important.....thank you for teaching me what hard work is...thank you for giving lessons to little kids to help pay your way when we had to change barns...I know you didn't really like it but you did a great job keeping them safe and being remote control pony for me.

Without you there is no way I would be who I am now in my life. You have taught me patience, perservance, dedication, humility and to have a sense of humour! (I also would not have the weird lump near my knee from my first fall from your back 5 years ago either but that is ok.....)

I would not have the friends I have(both human and equine), the job I have, the way of life I now enjoy....I would not have a daughter who loves horses more than boys, still loves the fat ponies at age 16....I would not have my lofty goals of a bronze medal some day earned riding you and only you, I would not have my wild dream of someday doing a canter pirroette together ON PURPOSE!

Thank you pony.....I love you more than you will ever know.......Mom

[FridayzFortune]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for standing up on your back legs in order to let me know that I was trying to get you to canter on the wrong lead. If you had not so politely corrected me, I might still get my leads mixed up! I hope all the other equitation horses will soon let their riders know that they are also misinformed. What would I ever do without you!?

Also, thank you for leaping to the side to save my life from that small, life-threatening plant outside the ring. It is comforting to know that you are always looking out for my safety and well-being.

Oh, and I can't forget to thank you for that lovely, heart felt greeting you gave me the other day when I came to say hi to you. Standing with your butt in my face, not acknowledging my presence at all shows me how much you really do care. Actions speak louder than words, horse. And if a big butt in my face doesn't say i love you, then what does?

Love always and forever,
human

[anabug]

Dear Mom,

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I LIKE running around with my head up in the air like a giraffe. I think giraffes are cool. I don't like to put my head down. Obviously, the rearing and the bucking should tell you something. I don't care about a "frame." I am a horse, not a painting. Furthermore, I am a RACEHORSE, and I am FAST and AWESOME and I think that dressage stuff is for ninnies anyway. I don't care if it will help my jumping. My jumping is awesome the way it is.

Okay, fine, those ginger cookies do kind of make it better. But I'm still mad at you.

Figment

[mbd]

Dear Horse:

Thank you so much for the phenomenal ride you gave me today. I appreciate your need for privacy and do understand how good it was of you to show me how well your training is progressing with no outside distractions, i.e., other riders.

Thank you even more for waiting until we had an audience of both experienced riders and newbies before demonstrating your beautiful airs-above-the ground. I was not aware that you had been studying up without me, which is undoubtedly why I was unable to match your cadence and therefore was left a bit behind. (Literally on my behind.)

Your subsequent display of liberty work was very nice, although I would have appreciated it more had I been able to get all the sand out of my face in time to catch the full performance. Thank you for letting the young girl catch you and I'm sure she appreciated the bonus face full of horse snot you gave her in payment.

And, finally, thank you, as always, for humbling me and reminding me that I don't bounce as well as I used to. I am thinking of you oh so fondly this afternoon as I raid the medicine cabinet for more ibuprofen.

Until tomorrow!

-your human

[sublimequine]

Dear horse,

I promise to you on my very life that my mother is not a contractor for a bucking bronc company. She does not want to see how well you buck when I attempt to ride you, nor is she impressed.

You rarely throw a buck otherwise, it is ONLY when you're in my mother's presence that you decide to see how far you can get your huge QH butt off the ground, as I fly into the air and land on the pommel of my saddle. So, again. I swear to you. Bucking is not a fun game, and she doesn't want to see it.

Sincerely;
That dead weight in the saddle as you go butt-hopping across the arena grunting like an angry pig.

[kcmel]

Dear Horse,
Thank you so much for embarrasing me on our ride today. We happen to run into a new neighbor, who obligingly decides to join us in our hack. You constantly fidget, try to run off about 10 times, and pretty much just ignore everything I ask you to do. Nice. I'm sure the next time she sees us she will high-tail it in the opposite direction as fast as she can.
Much love,
your human.

Dear Bringer-of-food,
Who was that beautiful mare? I know I really impressed her with my manly power. I must have a mare of my own. BRING ME A MARE NOW!!
Horse.

[Linny]

Dear Horse

Please be advised that on a brisk, windy fall day, the ear bunnies are for the benefit of both of us. If you buck me off and get loose, you will invariably (as you have so many times before) do yourself harm. When I put them in, don't shake your head like a wet dog. The bunnies will just collect shavings, hay and dust from the floor and then they will really annoy you. Once I get the bonnet over your head, I intend for it to remain there through our little foray into the greater world.

Please do not act as if, with hearing dulled your sight is all that stands between you and certain death. We are in an ARENA, you nutcase. There are no snakes, tigers or horse eating blue flowers in there. The snorting will not make me stop riding you!

Simply walk, trot and canter as requested and the ride will procede pleasantly for all involved. Acting like a freak in the arena will NOT get you an invitation to take a walk up the hill into the fields outside. Your human auntie is a chicken and will only take you up there once she is convinced that you are only barely concious. Leaping like a kitten at the sight of a water bottle does not help your cause.

If you choose to act kindly in response to this letter, we may have a pleasant hack, someday...

With warmest regards

Your Human Auntie (the lady with the peppermints!)

[spacehorse]

Keep em coming, people, you guys are good!

:lol::lol::lol:

[Nski32]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for never making up your mind to as if you would like to go out or stay in. I surely enjoy trying to drag 1000 pounds to the pasture. Selective movement is your specialty.

Sincerely,
The Stable Hand

Dear Horse,

I surely appreciate that you love me enough to know that you can hide behind me and I will protect you from the man-eating cows that you have walked by everyday for over a year. Its Ok, I really want you to step on my heels.

Love,
Your Owner

[sirena_chaucer]

In keeping with the thread:
Dear Horse,
Thank you for allowing me to feel graceful, capable, and unique...and for then consistently reminding me that it is only through your personal goodwill that I may feel these emotions. I know I can trust you to check my ego quite regularly.

Also, thank you for burying your manure every night...I appreciate that you wish to give me the illusion of a clean stall each morning, but really, I'd rather be hit by the reality of a truly messy stall in the beginning than the slow, frustrating discovery of continuous loads of poop that I find with every sweep of my fork. I can handle it. Really, I can!


Love,
Your Human

Dear Human
For the last time, I LIKE my stall. I do NOT want to stay by myself in that big field and I will continue to run a ditch along the fence until you acknowledge my preference and allow me access to my stall at all times.
Please continue soaking my hay-I miss sneezing across your face during groom sessions, but I'm sure to come up with something new shortly, and the hay is really so much more palatable with a soak.
Your Horse

PS- I wondered if you noticed that I'm eating all of my medicine without the bran to disguise it? I expect you to counter-offer something for this deal to continue. You can talk with my people tomorrow, AFTER breakfast. Hot. Breakfast.

My personal letter:
Dear Horse,
Thank you for absorbing my temper, and by your quiet acceptance remind me that I am acting like a beast...I learn by your example.
Thank you for teaching me the simplest of rules- if you trust me, you will follow me and that the most important skill to acquire is unflagging patience
Thank you for allowing me to feel wild, beautiful, talented, and special...I know this is only an extension of your own natural soul.
My horse, My heart
The Human

[BuddyRoo]

Dear Horse #2-

Thank you for not killing me today. Yes, I realize I've done nothing but longe you all summer after breaking my arm so you would've had a good excuse to be an idiot.

I really was expecting you to be a loon and I was kind of scared. I drank 2 glasses of wine before I climbed aboard just in case. I don't know if the other mare had a come to Jesus with you in the pasture or if you smelled the booze on my breath or if you just felt badly for me....but you were a SAINT! A SAINT I tell you.

My first day back in a saddle and you were a SAINT. Thank you. I bought another bag of apples tonight and they have your name on them. And I just hit send on an order for a new blanket. You earned your keep today.

Thank you.

With much love

Your Human

[Mtn trails]

Dear Horse,
Thank you for the great trail ride today. Weather was perfect and I'm sure you were happy I packed plenty of great snackies. However, when the scent of trailer is in the air, please do not motor down the trail at Mach 7, my arms can't take it, especially when going down a steep hill after several days of rain. I love ya, ya big lug but I'm getting Popeye arms from trying to slow you down.

Dear Horse #2,
Please be more careful when we're in the mountains. The last three times you hind legs went off the trail I almost had a coronary. The rocks to the right of the trail are not trying to kill you but going off the cliff to the left certainly will and although I love you, you're not taking me with you. What kind of mustang are you that you're afraid of rocks? You're going to make us the laughing stock of the mustang community. I mean, really, yesterday you were so sure that rock next to the trail was the thing nightmares are made of. I hope you felt sufficiently silly when it didn't jump up and eat you as we passed by.

Dear Horse #3,
Please don't buck me off when I get on you tomorrow for the first time in a month.

Love ya all,
your human

[laskiblue]

Dear Lesson Horse:

So many thanks for the teamwork we shared at the schooling show/gymkhana yesterday. I never won a blue ribbon for anything in my life before and you got me two of them! -- not to mention the two reds, the yellow, and the green. It was only our second show -- both for you and for me -- and you were just awesome. Who would have ever thought that a 1400 draft cross could pop through those tight poles, swivel gracefully around that barrel, pop back through the poles, and head on back at a full-bore trot and make a great time like you did? We've been making a beautiful partnership together in the past six months and it sure did show yesterday. I can't wait until we finally get to canter. :D I love you, Teddy.

Your adoring and not quite as green beginning middle-aged rider

[blueboo]

Dear Horse,

I know I'm a baaaaad mommy and haven't provided you with a tv or internet to check the upcoming weather, but believe me when I say it's supposed to get very wet and very cold (for your delicate TB self) this week. Forgive me that I spent ALL afternoon until well after dark building and bedding your new stall, and forgive me for coming out to the pasture to get you and your 'brother' about an hour and a half after dark, but did you have to play tag with me for another hour by the light reflected from the city on the very low clouds? Your brother, being the hedonist that he is, welcomed the chance to slip on his nice halter and head up to the barn, warm dry shavings and feed bucket. Why couldn't you?

your loving (if a bit frustrated) mommy


Dear Mommy,
I'm a Princess, and can get whims if I want to! Besides, if you insist on showing up at an uncivilized hour, you should expect to pay for it!

your loving (if a bit opinionated) Princess.

[Catersun]

Dear Horse;

Thank you for contributing to my weight loss program. I do so appreciate that you allow me to get within 2 feet of you, before galloping off into the back 40. This allows me to maximize my heart rate as I try and catch you in time to make the meet. You are truly a mountain of kindness and consideration.


Dear Human;

Do you know how freakin' early it is? Even the pig isn't awake yet. Do you really think I want to go to work this early in the morning? Oh, and by the way, your shirt clashes with your stock tie and you need to skip a meal.

rotfflmao

[Paddys Mom]

These are making me alternately laugh and tear up! :)

Dear Paddy Horse,

Thank you for doing everything I have ever asked of you these past 23 years. I hate to see you look older and I love it when you put the others in line. However, when I take Hector the donkey out for a drive, I *will* bring him back. Racing about the paddock screaming with Lucy Horse in tow is not necessary. In fact, Hector finds it rather distracting.



Dear Lucy Horse,

Please watch your big hard head when I am near you. It hurts me more than it hurts you when you clunk me in the head. Also, there are three gaits we need to work on right now - walk, trot, and canter. Buck is not one of those.


Dear Hector Donkey,

Is there a reason you can't poop in the designated pooping spot selected by Paddy and Lucy? I don't enjoy walking the entire paddock to pick up your poop, especially since you walk and poop, thus making sure you don't leave an actual pile, more like a trail. Also, stop trying to take the horses' grain when you finish yours. They are bigger than you, I swear. Even your lightning fast hind feet, which frighten me, do not phase them. And finally, please please please be nice to the blacksmith when he comes out next. I can't lose him!

************************************************** ****************

Dear Caretaker,

I must make a ruckus so Hector can find his way back. I am enjoying retirement and being in charge. More grain please.

Sincerely,
Paddy Horse


Dear Silly Human,

Move *your* head out of *my* way faster. I like to display my athleticism by bucking. Learn to hang on!!

Regards,
Lucy Horse


Hey Lady,

I'll poop wherever I want. In fact, I'll poop wherever you *don't* want. And since you deny me a reasonable amount of grain, I am forced to steal it from the horses.

Peace out,
Hector

[Madaketmomma]

Dear Horse,
Thank you for not hurting me any further while my hand heals from the pins I had placed in them after you decided to freak out on the lunge line. Thank you for bloating so much that there is no way I can get your girth on with my one hand that I can use. Also, thanks for knowing that I have no control with my left hand, and therefore, constantly turning to the right when I attempt to ride you. And lastly (for now), thank you for kicking your nothing but nice brother and cutting him so that I can use one hand to clean his puncture wound out everyday while he dances around me in a circle.

Love,
Mom

Dear Mom,
I am 3 years old-what do you expect?

Love,
Tucker

p.s.-Please stop yelling at me when I suck on my buckets. It feels soooo good!

[Catersun]

Dear Horses,

To Alex, Thank you for so patiently waiting for me to remove your blanket and apply your flymask in the morning. I'm glad to see your joint supplement is helping you to feel less stiff, and able to be onery at dinner time again.

To Mira, Thank you for reminding Alex that it is time to meet me at the gate to have his blankey taken off. I understand you are jealous, and that you want your own blankey, but really, you don't need it. You need to grow more hair, He needs to grow less hair. That is why he is getting blanketed and you aren't. I would appreciate it if you would not try to take his off of him please.

To Missy, Thank you for tolerating the Diva and the Old Man without launching them to the moon. I know they can both be rather particular about who goes in to eat first. Thank you for letting them keep their delusions of importance.

To All of you, Now, when I meet you at the gate to the bottom field to take off Alex's blankey in the morning, it is not because I want to race you three to the top gate after I've taken the blankey off. I would further appreciate if you would a) not use me as a starting gate, Mir and Missy. And b) Mir, DON"T KICK ON THE AFTERBURNERS in front of me and spray me with mud from your hind feet as you race Missy to the top gate.

Loff,

The Human



Dear Human,

Alex: I LOFFFFFFF the Soaked Alfalfa, the Cortaflex gives it a nice extra zING!!! Stop putting so much water in with my feed. I just dump it out when you do that.

Mir: I want my blankey!!!! When are we going to go for a ride?

Missy: Does my human still live with you? I haven't seen him in a while. Oh and THanks for the carrots, they were tasty!


Loff,
The Horses

[DeeThbd]

Dear Horses,
Horse no. 1 - Just wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying coming to turn you out in the morning while your auntie is still laid up....there is nothing so wonderful as horse breath as a greeting. Yes, the more horse kisses I get, the more treats you get.
Thank you for being sure to inspect your brother's stall and feed tub for any hidden tasty bits he may have overlooked....it means that much less work for me at night.
Finally, please tell me that the owie on your RH isn't ringbone....I loff you with all my heart and want you to stay sound and happy....so when we get xrays done, stand nice and still, mkay?
Horse no 2 - yes, you little one-eyed son of a gun. Now that you have learned the power of cute, I am really starting to like you. You have already proven your athleticism by spinning like a reiner....now we have to channel that into INTENDED performance. And no, you do NOT have to weld yourself to me looking for treats when I go out into the paddock....because then everybody else comes to surround me and I know that the feet will fly!
Your loving mom
PS - to your two barn buddies ----you guys are awesome, but jeez - try not to bury your manure so much!

[CBudFrggy]

Dear Froggy:

It must have been fun growing up as the stoner at the back of the class. The perfect balance between rugged-and-handsome-but-not-quite-debonair, bad-boy-but-not-too-dangerous and stubborn-and-lazy-but-athletic-when -you-want-to-be must have come to you naturally because you do it SO well. You must have snowed all your previous owners into believing it was too much effort to turn you into a good equine citizen, including the ones who left you in a paddock on B Road to survive through three hurricanes on your own. It’s no wonder they sold you to the dealer once you started eating the palmetto scrubs. After all, palmetto scrubs in Florida must be difficult to come by. I can truly see that you did not have a work ethic before I came into your life. It only took a year to get your feed regulated properly, and then five more months of professional training for Dave to get through to you. I hope you enjoyed our little trail ride Saturday. Jumping our secret logs was way better fun than those silly gymnastics in the ring. And you weren’t even scared of the lions this time. What a brave good boy you are! I have to say, I’m quite impressed with the “new you.” Still ruggedly handsome, a little more debonair, really quite the willing partner.

Well, I got the pictures DH took of us at the show last week. Let’s just say that now that you look great, it’s time to really work on me. So, thanks for the hard work to get yourself where you are, but now it’s time for me to catch up. Now if I can just figure out where to get another hour out of my day...

Love, CBud.

[jengersnap]

Dear Red Headed Thoroughbred Mare,

I know you've only been here a month, but really, isn't it about time you accepted that the cows are a facet of your new enviroment? I swear, they are vegetarians, just like you, and have no intentions of making filly-mignon out of you. Yes, the cows smell. Yes, they move oddly. Yes, they make noise when they see me and close in on me. They think I am their caretaker too, just like you do. The sooner you come in from the field, the sooner I can put you in your beloved stall and feed both you and them and you'll all be happy. I would really appreciate you coming in with the rest of the horses. I am fresh out of leather leads since you pulled the last one out of my hands and ripped around the back acreage with it dragging between your feet until you stepped on it and snapped it in half. Now it's only good for a dog leash. And I hate to tell you this, but you and the rest of the mares will be sharing the paddock area with the cows for the winter. I'm sure you'll be extra difficult for me after this admission. Perhaps your surrogate mother, the Old Mare, can have a talk to you about this irrational phobia. Preferably before you run me over as you scramble for the back pasture, away from the Killer Cows.

Dear Old Mare,

I understand you are a hard keeper. But do you really have to be a picky hard keeper as well? I soak your pellets, mixing in a little sweet feed so you don't taste your joint suppliment, as we both know you'll sniff out a gram of anything that wasn't properly mixed until tasteless and refuse to touch it. Thankfully, you're a fairly tough skinned old horse, as those meds-in-a-dosing-syringe events usually end up with me wearing more then you ingest. And I know your hearing, despite 32 years of use, is still very sharp, as you are the first (and often only) horse to notice the crunch when I break carrots into treat sized pieces. And I realize that if I do break out carrots, you won't go back to eating your dinner until you get some. For the years of dedicated service to me and those before me in your life though, I thank you for being the reliable mount and safe horse you've blessed me to have. And I will wait the half hour or more for you to finish your meals.

Dear Black Sassy Mare,

Thank you for waiting until I pour your dinner into your trough before you attack it with teeth barred, then snake your head left and right with ears pinned, daring anyone to challenge you for your food. Despite being so fat you look perpetually pregnant, and being moved to the end stall with your feeder farthest from any of the other horses possible, I am aware that you feel you must be snarky about all foodstuffs, and I am sure the other mares are too. Just remember, there is a bigger horse in the herd that kicked you in the face for good reason over a round bale. And if you ever try that with any human, you certainly won't like the removal of grain from your diet. Grain is a privalege for one as rotund as you. But for all your bad manners at the dinner table, I do thank you for your bravery under saddle and your general love of humanity. You're a good cookie, even if a bit crumbly around the edges.

Dear Roany Young Draft Cross,

Thank you for being the kindest young horse I've yet to work with. Your eagerness to do anything asked is as heartwarming as your flying in from the paddock to meet me every afternoon. You are becoming a lovely lead mare for the herd, despite your youthfulness, and you have helped put the sassy black mare in her place. You were very smart this week to wait for us to help you get your hoof out of your feedtub. I am still unsure WHY you felt the need to stick your foot above chest level and into your feedtub, but since we had to unfasten the screws to get your foot out, I went ahead and raised it another 6 inches so only a beheamoth like you could eat from it, and hopefully you can't reach it again with your leg.

If I may make a small request, I would greatly appreciate you either picking one spot to eliminate in your stall, or saving it for outside. You obviously drink lots every day, and I've the mucker's elbow to attest to it. Other then that, your pretty much a joy to care for. Oh, and thank you for letting my husband ride you the other day. He hated every moment of being in a western saddle (he's use to those postage stamp exercise saddles, heh heh), but he said you were a good mare and a dead head on your first trip down the road and around the neighborhoods. I promise, "dead head" is a compliment, and next time it will be me riding you.

Your Slave,
~JS

[TPC Ranch]

Dear bratty black dear of a mare,

I know you appreciate it when I turn you out in the big arena. You do your fancy trot, with your tail high, and pretend spook at all kinds of things that aren't there. I like to stand there and watch you, because you are beautiful, and I love you. I want to talk to you about that little game you've started playing. You know - your version of chicken. You run at me, and see how close you can get to running me over before I yell at you. I will not move my feet, so you can quit trying. It isn't going to happen. I don't want to spoil your fun, but can we move on already? Go bother those cows on the other side of the fence.

Also, when we are riding in said arena, quit flirting with the stallion in the barn up on the hill. Yes, he sees you, and he likes you and would like a date. It isn't going to happen, so stop teasing him already. It isn't nice.

Love always,
The Lady with the treats who scatches you just where you like it.

[AnotherRound]

Dear Horse:

Feeling a little crispy between the ears, today, are we? Nice little maneuver, throwing your head down just before my leg was swung over, when I was leaning over your neck to mount. That upwards fling of your neck broke a rib, you know, and the body slam to the ground knocked the rest of the wind out of me. Did you realize your mother-who-loves-you-and-gives-you-animal-crackers was standing right there at your head and got body slammed into the fencing?

I don't think either of us actually had seen that move before, and from my on the ground, I caught the whole, complete display of crow hopping and I told your mom about your secret little smile, too. No matter. Its ok. We laughed. However, you'll have to think up a variation on this one for next time, because you won't be able to surprise us with this one again.

Sincerely,

Old Lady

[tullio]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for the great dressage lesson this morning. Now that I know that you know what I'm trying to get you to do, do you think we could skip the head tossing, plunging forward business? That would be great. I don't like feeling that asking you to bend to the inside just a smidgen is torture for you.

Thanks, horse. Lots of love,
Tullio

[IveGotRhythm]

Dear Rhythm,

Thank you for being my comfort and joy during this last year of pain and turmoil. I'm not sure I could have made it without you.

Thank you for reminding me, every day, that it's okay for me to be proud of having taught you something as long as I'm willing to take the blame if you're not getting it right.

Thank you for your heart, bigger than any ocean, that strives continuously to please and makes me want to be worthy of you.

Thank you for letting me get past my teenage stage of needing to win and letting me get back to my childhood stage of just loving horses.

I love you, Rhythm

[RamblinRoseRanch]

Dear Horse,

I want to thank you for all the vim and vigor you felt yesterday during the trail ride. The fact that you felt you had to be first and were so gosh darned ANXIOUS to go was much appreciated. The opportunity to hold you back, make you stop and wait and turn you in circles until I felt like i'd downed a bottle of champagne all by myself- in one gulp- was priceless.

The fact that you did very well when the horse eating motorcycle passed you did not go unnoticed. Nor did your snort-growl-blow- WHATWASZAT! at the self same motorcycle an hour or so later and it sat quietly beside the stream.

My wonderful horse, the elation you felt when you heard your pals up ahead when we went back to get my lost camera? Oh my. I am in awe. The beautiful gait you chose when you saw their beloved saddled rear ends. Simply heartwarming.

So my thighs are killing me, I feel like you kicked me repeatedly in the crotch until I fell down, picked me back up with your teeth (twisting my back in the process) and kicked me again for good measure.

I thank you, dear Horse. As does the makers of tylenol, advil, flexaril, any various and sundry alcohol makers spread throughout the United States....:winkgrin:

Love,
Mama

[horse-loverz]

Dear Horse:

I just wanted to say how grateful I am to work a 60hr work week to keep your TB self in the lifestyle you have become accustomed. Your staff of regular massage therapist and chiropractor, vet and trainer/BM are there for your beck and call. I know you were tired of the plain old Gucci horseshoes you had and are now ready for the Prada's and pads to go along with them and I am sooo loving the increase in my ferrier bill, but since I did spring for the Prada's could you do me the favor of not pulling them off ohh every 3 weeks or so... that would be appreciated.

Also I understand that you wish to stay with the current fashon and you wouldn't be caught dead in last years blankets..and that is why you have outgrown your blankets. Your seven years old for goodness sake and 17.1 hh QUIT GROWING or I'll need a forklift to mount you!!

Also in return for your lavish lifestyle thank you for taking such good care of me and my daughters, despite your size you are super gentle with my 6yo and your honesty at the jumps have help build my daughters as well as my own confidence level tremendously. Thank you for forgiving our faults and mistakes with you usual grace and thank you for comming back to check on me when due to my own error I ended up on the nice soft ground.

You have been the best thing to happen to us and I hope for many more years of bonding and fun in the future.

Sincerely your human

Dear Human:
Less talking... more food...more scratches.. thanks

Stoker

[Hunter Princess]

Dear my leased horse

Thank you for being wonderful at my first horse trials yesterday. I was a little scared when walking the course and even more when the trainer said that each fence had two approaches...the normal way and your way. Being my first horse trials I felt like I was going to puke on the way over to get you ready as well as on the way to the show. Thank you for being calm (almost too calm) in dressage and giving me my first blue ribbon in dressage, and then packing me over the cross country course and even galloping a little when I was ready. I'm sorry about taking my attention off you for the second before the coop and then realizing that we weren't headed towards the right coop, but rather the left, and thanks for going over the right one.

Signed,

your half mom.

ps. i just picked up a big bag of horse cookies with your name on it.

[Holly'er Than Thou]

Dear Horsey,

Thanks so much for getting a stone bruise just one day before the saddle fitter was due, to fit your oh-so-uniquely-conformed back with a tres expensive County saddle. And thanks for being such a cry baby about it that I freaked & called the vet & paid $175 for a farm call & exam for him to tell me what I already knew.

Thanks also for that heart attack when you refused to be caught before that big storm a few months ago & dragged both your friends out to stand with you right out in the middle of the pasture with lightning, gale-force wind, huge hail & horizontal rain. The majesty of the storm mixed with the horror of you all getting struck is a feeling I'll not soon forget.

Also, before I forget, thank you ever so much for snatching my helmet out of the basket, thereby putting a huge triangular rip in the velvet & subsequently drooling a gallon of your clover-induced slobber into it like a bowl. I just love replacing brand-new things!

And I really thank you for being so good yesterday when I gave you a lovely hunter clip. You were so good & sweet; totally cooperative and even nibbling my hair. You gals are so big but so gentle and generous to let us teeny-weeny humans do weird things to you.

Last, thanks for your sense of humour this morning when I was grooming you & you lifted up each hind leg & pointed with your nose so I'd "get it" that you wanted your tummy scratched. It really made my day.

Much love,

Your Human

[Tamlain]

Dear Horse (and you know which one of the herd you are!),

I wanted to send you a note of thanks. That toenail on my left big toe was such a nuisance and will soon be gone after you stomped on it so wonderfully last week. Its lifting away and only 1/2 of it is still there now as I've had to trim it so I can put on my shoes.

Thanks for always thinking of me.

BTW - in return of the favor, I've called the farrier and made your appointment. I figure its only fair, but I'm sure he'll leave more than you managed, and that you'll be able to walk afterwards.

All my love and consternation.

Me.

[BlueEyedSorrel]

Dear Horse:

Thank you for reminding me of Murphy's Law and why Murphy, whoever he was, must have owned horses. You were conceived specifically to be my next personal riding horse. I spent my hard earned vacation week taking daily lessons on how to work with your over-sensitive, over-opinionated but oh-so-athletically-talented self. I then forked over mucho buckos moving you from OH to MO. Being the nice owner that I am, the last two weeks have been devoted patiently introducing you to the scary sights of the boarding stable. We finally get to have a nice little hack on Saturday, and Sunday morning I was really looking forward to another nice ride. And this is when you decide to be subtlely but definitely head-bobbing lame on your right front during lunging. You have no heat, no swelling, no cuts that I can find. You do realize that, aside from the fact that I have been patiently waiting 4 months to have my own horse to ride again, you've caused me untold worry. Please, please don't get an abcess. You really don't want to go there. It would be great if tonight you were back to your normal boisterous self, with no limping.

[Tamlain]

Dear BlueEyedSorrel,

Thank you for the perfect name for the next horse we acquire.

Since our lives are governed by our horses (or so it seems), I will simply have to name the next equine we adopt/rescue/purchase "Murphy" or "Murphy's Law".

Its just too darn perfect! :lol:

[BlueEyedSorrel]

I love it! Especially if Murphy was an accident prone OTTB....

Oddly, the only Murphy at my barn is a very gender confused calico barn cat

BES

[allicolls Aefvue Farms Deep South]

Dear Zoe,

As much as I hate to tell you this, I feel as a responsible parent I must.

You. Are. Not. A. Kitten.

I know you think you are, and you wonder why they cower in fear when you pop your giant head up next to them and try to play. I know you think they're cool and wonder why they don't let you join in their kitten games. This is when I wish you were a 4yo human instead of a 4yo horse, because then I could just pop in a Sesame Street tape, show you that "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others" segment, and all would be clear. But alas, you fail to see the difference. But because you're so cute, and curious, and 4yo-Appendix-mare rambunctious and adorable, I will allow you to pretend you are a kitten for awhile. Just watch the hooves. You don't want to kill your best friends.

Speaking of hooves, I know you think that pointing one toe straight out while jumping is graceful. Unfortunately, it will also trip you up and make you fall on your beautiful face. So quit imitating the gymnasts on TV and start watching the hunters around you.

Much Love,
Treat-giving big sister of your person.

[CJ4ME]

Dear Horse

Thank you for reminding me just how much you hate your blanket. Clearly you thought the pinned ears and stomping on my toe weren't emphatic enough. But I think recruiting your friends to rip off your blanket and trample into the mud was taking it a bit too far. Please send my regards and thanks to your two bay partners in crime.

I was just trying to keep you warm and dry on the cold, wet night, especially since you are a little thin, but I get the point-->blankets BAD.

Thanks for the reminder.

Sincerely,
Your slave...I mean owner...I mean caretaker...oh heck, you know, the blond lady with the limp, the broken toe and the muddy boots/hands/feet/jeans.

[CJ4ME]

Dear Pony

It's not necessary to whirl away in a panic and stomp on my foot just because a single raindrop hit your muzzle. Rain does that. It's sorta wet, get over it. Most ponies don't mind rain...really.

Next time it looks like the threat of SPRINKLES looms you can stay in by yourself.

Good luck with that.

[A Bleeding Heart]

Dear Horse,

Oh my beautiful new mare how do I love thee...let me count the ways.
1. You get beat up by the other not-so-nice-mares, I put you in a stall - only for your protection!
2. You dance, prance, and pace in the stall, so I put you out with the boys - so you can have company and plenty of room to romp around!
3. You decide that you would rather bite the boys than play nice - now what am I supposed to do!?

The only solution: blanket everyone that is around you, including yourself and hope that you all don't start biting necks, faces, or legs. Hey! At least you look great in pink!

I am keeping my fingers crossed and I am hoping that after 2 months, you're learning the hierarchy and know your place. I know how much you hate those bald spots on your hind end. And here's an idea: run away when one of those evil mares tries to kick you! You're a pretty girl - a lover, not a fighter. Just walk away.

But I do love you and marish ways. Thank you for loving me back and nickering every time I arrive. You always know how to make my day.

Love,
Your faithful owner

Dear Owner,

I DON'T LIKE BATHES! PLEASE STOP PUTTING THAT GREEN THING THAT SPEWS OUT COLD WATER ON MY BELLY.

Love ya!

Me!

[Puddin Pie]

Dear Mare,
Let me again remind you that the automatic waterer is NOT your personal foot bath. Your foot does not belong in it and it does not belong on the floor. While I am glad that you finally have a boyfriend, and yes, I agree that he is a nice looking black gelding, I sincerely wish that you would limit your screaming to him across the pasture to when you are in the pasture and not next to my ear. However, I do appreciate how polite and good natured you were at the show Saturday, and I promise not to double leg kick you to go from the halt again if you will promise to simply go and not jump straight up instead of going. Thank you for drinking at the show, even though I had to lug two whole buckets back to the trailer to satisfy you for the 3 whole hours we were there.

Dear person who is new to me:
Say what, can't hear you, boyfriend on other line.

Dear Dandy;
Thank you for the 24 great years that you have given me. I am so thrilled that you have stayed sound and have been agreeable (more or less) to transitioning to dressage late in life. However, was it really necessary to get an ulcer on your wee-wee right before the national championships which required major tranqs, meds, drug forms etc. I am happy to do what I can for your comfort, but please do not try to kick my head off when I am assisting in applying swat.

Dear Mom:
It is mine, don't touch it!!! Ever!!!!
Can I have some more peppermints, or better yet, bring back that small pez dispenser who insists that "Dandy NEEDS another cookie!!" Can you scratch my butt cheek now--it itches.
Love Dandy (and quit calling me Dandy Doodle-it is SOOO unmanly. How am I ever going to get that big mare's attention away from the youngster if you keep demasculating me.

[paw]

Dear Horse -

I am very happy that you like having new shavings in your stall to nap in. I'm all in favor of napping. However, it is really not necessary to totally trash your stall every day in order to get new shavings - they're not cheap, and the BM is starting to mutter. Also, making sure you get as many as possible in your tail every single day is a little excessive, and it means 10 minutes of putting up with me getting them _out_ every day, as shavings are just not in style right now as tail adornments. If you want to go all metrosexual, we'll get some glitter or something.

Fondly,

Carrot Lady


Dear Old Horse -

Yes, I know it's lunch time - that's why I'm bringing you in. We must proceed, though, at _my_ pace, and my legs are about half the length of yours. Everyone is, of course, very entertained as you jig along at my side, but I must insist you not get quite so exercised (and no, as much as I trust you, letting you find your own way back to your stall is not allowed). Snorting and puffing up is not accomplishing anything.

Yes, I wish you were sound enough to go for a gallop with me, too.

Love,

Carrot Lady

[grayarabpony]

Dear Son (I hand-raised him so I can call him son),

You are very beautiful but will you stop trying to kill yourself already?

Thank you,
XOXO

Mom

[Gray Horse H/J]

Dear Horse,

I think it's great that you're attempting to keep your stall clean. But do you have to do it by crapping in your feed bucket every other day? You never USED to do that. Did your buddy across the aisle teach you that or something? And can I also add, that you're not really too good at keeping your stall clean, despite your best feed buckets efforts. I do groom you every day ya know. And you're usually camo-colored.

Oh and would ya freakin' be CAREFUL when you're turned out? I know it's fun to gallop at high speed with your friends while I'm stuck at work, but just please be careful. Sometimes you worry me.

However, I gotta say thank you, too. Thanks for not ripping this year's sheet into shreds yet. (I'm assuming you're just going to wait until the last night you have to wear it and THEN rip it?) And thanks for finally figuring out that the rabbits and squirrels and birds out on the trail are not horse-eating rabbits and squirrels and birds. Took ya long enough.

:D

[2ndyrgal]

Dear horse,
Thank you for giving me back my heart, my courage, and for the hour or so a day I get to ride your broad and powerful back, my youth. Thank you for your honesty, even if sometimes I don't like what you tell me. Thanks for never being coniving or devious and for being glad to put your head down and let me put that nasty old bit you hate in your mouth, and then carrying me where I want to go. Thanks for your little juvenile moments, proof that staying humble isn't a bad thing. Thanks for never jumping us into anything you can't jump us out of, and thanks for being a good boy for dad, a realizing that he is the reason you live like a king and get many, many treats. but could you have a quiet word with the fat haffie and tell the boy that when I take you out of the barn, you'll be right back, he really doesn't need to scream like he's being eaten alive by coyotes? thanks.

[LearnToFly]

Dear horse,
I am paying a lot of money that COULD be going to, I don't know, buying food for MYSELF, so that you can have a stall to live in. And I understand you are a very curious fellow, but would you please stop trying to eat everybody's tack? They'll appreciate not having to smack you, and I'll appreciate not having to buy replacements.
Also, I know you think that every canter stride has to be the same length, but you CAN lengthen and shorten, so instead of taking 2 huge strides and then jumping from WAY too far away, you could try putting in 3 strides and jumping like a normal horse.
And I really appreciate you abscessing the morning of team tryouts. I'm glad to know you love me so much that you would rather I spend time taking care of you than doing those stupid college shows on other horses.
~LTF

[Equine Obsession]

Dear Secret,

Thank you SO MUCH for being the best 4yo TB gelding in the world and letting a non-horse person hold you for 10 minutes while I tried to get your 2yo TB boyfriend out of the stall. Thank you for not minding that he kept twirling the leadrope in circles around his head. and the shopping bag. And the pitchfork. You are by far the most sane of your kind.

Love,
Me

P.S. Spraybottles ARE NOT TRYING TO EAT YOU. That stuff I'm spraying on you will make all your skin heal and hair grow back. Learn to love it, okay?

Dear Bullet.
I know you're only two years old...but TEN minutes?! Come on! Yes, it was stupid that the people who built the barn made a 6 inch barrier between the stall and center isle, but I'm sure you can manage with your long legs that you still have to bend to reach the grass. Speaking of grass, that's what you were going to get as soon as you crossed that division. Well, thank you though for behaving when I took you through two other pastures to get you to the outside, and not freaking out when I had to hold both you and Secret.

Lovingly,
Me

Dear Rawhide,

When you're good...you are SO good. I'm sorry that the new horses are getting so much attention, thank you for letting me know how you felt about that by snorting very hard in my direction and giving a good long look when I told you to stop being so annoying. You should know that you just look like a cute fuzzy 15.3 pony when you get upset.

Adoringly,
Me

P.S. You would get grain all day long too if you didn't eat it all at once! Think about that! Same goes for hay. You should know that your pasture is full of GRASS. Try eating it.

[Riva]

Dear Horse,

I really want to thank you for dumping me on that fence yesterday. Since summer is gone, I have turned pale white again and was dying to get some color on me; although purple was not the color I was originally thinking of.

I'm really sorry that towel on the jump scared you, but I figured you knew it was there having jumped over it the day before and several times before you dumped me on it. I didn't see it jump up and bite you, but I am assuming that is what it did right before you stopped and pulled back.

I would also like to thank you for ruining my bridle. Although I felt it was my best bridle, I can see where you thought it might be getting a bit old and you wanted a new one. I will be sure to pick out something putrid for your next one.

As for having to chase you for 15 minutes and then spend another 10 looking for the bit and reins that you so conveniently disposed of in the woods, I am sure you knew that I needed exercise and that was the only way to get me to do it on a sunday.

love,

your mom

[Calena]

Dear Mare,

Thank you for so dramatically pointing out to me EVERY little boo boo that you think you might have or get. I enjoy being paranoid, it keeps me sharp. I especially appreciate the day you slipped in the arena and immediately began to follow me around with your head almost touching your belly for 10 minutes. It was kind of you to eventually move my dense brain from panic stricken thoughts of a broken neck to focus on the boo boo above your left eye. I am especially grateful that you accepted that I treated the boo boo with the correct medication, as you then immediately straightened yourself out and went back to your rollicking. I had no idea I could live so long with my heart stuck in my throat.

Thank you for teaching me early on in our relationship that the only reason you ever stay in or out of anything is because you choose to. I was especially impressed the day we tried to keep you away from the pony stall in the corner by placing cross rails across the bottom and three rows of ropes above the cross rails. Watching you gleefully gallop at this and athletically jump the cross rails while you simultaneously ducked beneath the ropes into the four foot square space on the other side was a lesson I haven’t been foolish enough to forget. I am also grateful that the day you decided to amuse yourself by opening every gate and door in the inside arena, you did not leave the arena. And after a moments confusion regarding WHO OPENED ALL THE DOORS while my mare was in there, you were kind enough to close one of the doors, thereby averting the creation of suspicion and mistrust among we fellow boarders. But please, PLEASE, do NOT repeat the lesson of kicking the front off your stall to alert me to the fact that you had had enough stall rest. Thank you for staying in the stall.

But especially, thank you for putting up with my feeble attempts to become a competent horse servant all these years, allowing me to overcome my aversion to spiders, worms, mice, poop and pee; wet, freezing, hot, muggy, windy and icey weather; to say nothing of being seen in public places looking like someone dug me out of the manure pile and spending more money on your shoes than I do on tires for my car.

You’re right, it’s not about me. It’s about you. It always has been.

XOXOXO

Mom

[Slewdledo]

Dear Horse,
How on earth did you know the vet was there? Clearly you possess clairvoyance beyond the norm. That, or your super-X-ray vision enables you to see through the barn. Thank you so much for accepting your treats then dashing away and refusing to be caught. You obviously have our measure. The vet didn't miss you but next time we'll be ready before the vet comes, and oh, by the way he'll be taking care of that hernia, too. No getting out of THAT one.

Yes. That means more shots. I KNOW that you don't like shots. But you dislike shots less than I dislike giving you shots. Can we call a truce? No hard feelings? I promise lots of weedies, flowies, and tushyscratches. Okay?

Sincerely,
The Worried Caterer To Your Every Whim

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Horse #2,
YOU, my dear, are going to get bred nice and early next year and you're going to get in foal and You. Are. Going. To. Stay. That. Way. Your betrothed is a little guy you haven't met yet and he seems a little fierce but we're going to ignore that, 'k? He's very handsome.
Cheers,
The Lady With Grain In Her Pocket

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Horse #3 (as yet to be determined),
Your baby is going to be a replacement for Horse #2's baby that <poof> disappeared. May we reach an understanding? I'd appreciate it ever so much if you'd abide by the following guidelines:
1. You will not foal prematurely.
2. You will not foal until the baby's in the proper position.
3. You will wait to foal until I'm there to help you. (Oh, you don't need help? OK, just wait for me to watch.)
4. You will not hate your baby.
5. You will let your baby suck with no fuss.
6. You will not turn into the wicked witch of the west when you and your baby get visitors.
7. You'll get back in foal quickly for your generous owner who's sharing your baby with me.

In return, you'll get grain - the good stuff. Lots of scratches. More apples and carrots and treats than ALL the other mares get. Do we have a deal?

Sincerely,
Your Frustrated Foster Mom

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Hops,
I miss you. Your baby is doing beautifully. I hope you can see her wherever you are. She's just like you and reminds me of you every day. She'll make you proud.

Did you see me wave when I was near your grave the other day? Take care of your new neighbor, he's a sweet boy.
Love,
Your Former Slave

[JRG]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for being so clean, so calm and such a good boy on Sunday. You were a champ and suprised me all day. Thank you for not thinking all the jumping horses were going to get you, although at one point it looked like you yearned for it again but never took a hoof out of place. I will remind you that was a dry run and I need all those qualities for this Sunday.

In return, I will shower you with your favorite mints, and promise to get my a$$ in the saddle and stay there. I promise to be more relaxed and realize you are terrific, and try to emulate you.

Your partner.

[AliBus]

please keep 'em coming....

[ReeseTheBeast]

Wear your running shoes, BIA! Ciao!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

HAHHAHAHAHA

[REINRIDER]

Horse #1 Dear Cody,
Thank you for destroying my round pen in the middle of the night last night. Yes I know the grass was greener on the other side but it's not fenced in and you just can't go roaming freely thru the neighborhood. As I'm no magician, I can't make it magically rain and I'm sorry you scarfed down your evening's hay too quickly to make it last til morning. Thank you for not breaking your neck or leg or acquiring / inflicting any more damage other than losing a few hairs off your forehead. I still have not quite forgiven you for your vile behavior at our last trail ride, so watch it buddy. You're headed down a path towards solitary confinement! Greedy pigs, bullies and buttheads don't get many treats from me!

Horse #2 & #3 Dear Rein and Ginger:
Thank you for not following Cody's example. Thank you for remaining calm and staying away from trouble. I'm especially thankful that neither of you tried to exit said destroyed roundpen thru the new exit gate Cody created when he placed panel A on top of the existing gate and left panels B and C dangling only by the connector pins.

Horse #4 Thank you Baby, being newly blind in one eye, for allowing me to lead you thru a stange and darker part of the barn in the wee hours this morning, to a smaller paddock, so that the other three clowns could be put out safely in the pasture you'd been hangin out in. Since you have not been properly introduced to these three ( two of whom can be bullies), I thought it wise to not put them out with you in the dark in your condition.

Horse #5 Dear Simon,
I hope you didn't decide to panic after I left for work this morning, when you noticed that Rein, Cody and Ginger were moved from the pasture across from you. Hopefully you realized that Shandalyre, Salute, Lucky and Misty were still in the pasture adjacent to you. I am placing my hopes in the fact that I've not had any phone calls from my barn helper which would lead me to believe all is well.

Horses # 6, #7, #8, & #9:
Thanks to all of you for being easy keepers thus far and for not even noticing that your friend Cody was trying to be a demolition man. Thank you for quietly and patiently waiting in each of your run ins for Kenny and I to bring your food.


Sincerely,
Your Mom (to Rein, Ginger, and Cody)
Foster Mom to Simon, Shandalyre, Salute, Lucky, Misty and Baby

[REINRIDER]

Dear Mom,
I tried to tell Cody to behave but since you've put him out with me and Ginger, I no longer am the boss, so he doesn't listen to anything I say. I still had to make sure Ginger understood that I was still a man so I kept her safe from Cody's new round pen design by pinning my ears and glaring at her while I chased her back out into the pasture. Maybe if you put her out with Baby, she and Baby will both be happier. I'm ok with you putting Cody in solitary because his already fat a$$ keeps trying to steal all our food! Fat old mean pig! I know you've seen him hog all the attention but I like how you ignore him and give all your love to me instead! I know I will always be your number 1 man! Watch out tho momma, because your little boy, Josh, might just steal me away from you if you're not careful! He is a little fellow, I know, but I can tell he loves me lots too! I promise to keep an eye on him and I promise to be careful around him as I always have.

Love,
Rein

Dear Mom,
PLEASE PLEASE put me out with Baby. I'm tired of Rein and Cody picking on me and I think I would like being out with another girl instead, even if she is a 2 yr old Clydesdale with one eye. You know how those boys always have to have that p-ing contest to see who's the bigger man and all. It's SO boring. Geesh, it's not like either of them could do anything even if they wanted to! I don't get it, just who are they trying to impress? They're geldings....heeellllooo ?!?! UGH men!

Love,
Ginger

Dear Foster Mom,
I'm sorry for the rope burn I gave you the other week. I was ssoooo tired and just wanted to be in my pasture. I thought you had the gate open far enough so I tried walking thru. When my fat butt caught on the gate, I moved over too close the the hot wire and it got me! You know how that feels, remember? You were cutting grass not long ago and when you ducked under the wire that Joey had run way up over the gate, it zapped you on top of the head. Hurt didn't it? Yeah, it did, trust me I know. :yes: Thanks for not getting mad at me for it. You are a very good mom and I love doing the pony rides for all the little kids because they give me lots of carrots and treats and the bigger girls brush and scratch all my very itchy spots til I'm almost in Heaven! All my other pasture mates loff you too, that's why we all come running to meet you when the lights in the barn come on in the morning or when your truck comes home in the afternoons. We never did that for any one else before. You are soo good to us. We do wish you could magically make it rain soon but we understand you would if you could.

Love,
Misty the little old gray fat Shetland

[SmartAlex]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for teaching my humility and reminding me that while astride, I am there through your cooperation only. Now that I'm two inches shorter, I can fit into those comfy low-rise breeches. I'm still not sure which I prefer to land in, the hard sand of the arena, or that muddy spot in the lawn from last autumn.

Love,
The Fool Who Pays Your Feed Bill.

P.S. There really is no possible way for you to spit the curb bit out of your double bridle, so please stop trying.

[SmartAlex]

Dear Rescue Mare,

Please accept my sincerest apologies that your former owner traded you in to the horse dealer for a younger, more useful horse. I promise you have a home for life here back in the town where you were born. I know you have seen more of the country than I, given countless riding lessons and produced lovely foals. I guarantee you will never be crowded into a truck load of strange horses and handled indifferently by dozens of men. In fact, your main responsibility here is to enjoy our paddock and your frequent grooming. I can tell that you do by the dreamy look in your eyes and the fact that you have exhibited the best manners of any horse I have ever met.
I may want to ride now and then, but I know your hocks are stiff with arthritis, so we'll go slow. I hope that the new stall mats will help with the drainage issues we had when it rained so hard, and that you approve of the expensive leather halter I bought you.
I've called your breeder and let her know that you are safe here with us. You just relax and look forward to your next meal. I already added those horse treats you liked on my shopping list, and I picked up some apples at the Farmer's Market with you in mind. You don't have anything to worry about anymore.

[CAJumper]

Dear Know-It-All Gelding,

I just wanted you to know that I was fine after you dumped me at that horseshow a few weeks ago. I'm sure you were very worried about my safety and well-being. And yes, you were correct in assuming that I was going to smack you a good one for stopping at that fence, so it probably was a wise decision to buck me off before I had a chance to do so. I am sorry that I stuck on and forced you to continue bucking and spinning for so long - I sincerely hope you did not tweak anything as a result!

Oh, and thanks so much for continuing to jump the course without me on your way out of the ring - that sure was fun to watch as I brushed the dirt off my show clothes and checked for broken bones! The judge and spectators also wanted me to thank you on their behalf, I think that was the most fun the judge had all day long! And thanks for waiting so patiently at the in gate while I limped across that BIG ring to catch up with you.

And yes, I know - it's all my fault as usual.

Love,
Your Human

----------------
Dear Princess Filly,

I just wanted you to know that I don't hate you. I am not trying to send you away for being a bad girl. I am not punishing you for something you did. It's just a thing that we do with horses called "longing". Please try not to take it so personally, I will let you back in my corner of the world as soon as it is over.

Love,
The Human Boss Mare

[CAJumper]

Dear Zoe,

As much as I hate to tell you this, I feel as a responsible parent I must.

You. Are. Not. A. Kitten.

I know you think you are, and you wonder why they cower in fear when you pop your giant head up next to them and try to play. I know you think they're cool and wonder why they don't let you join in their kitten games. This is when I wish you were a 4yo human instead of a 4yo horse, because then I could just pop in a Sesame Street tape, show you that "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others" segment, and all would be clear. But alas, you fail to see the difference. But because you're so cute, and curious, and 4yo-Appendix-mare rambunctious and adorable, I will allow you to pretend you are a kitten for awhile. Just watch the hooves. You don't want to kill your best friends.

Speaking of hooves, I know you think that pointing one toe straight out while jumping is graceful. Unfortunately, it will also trip you up and make you fall on your beautiful face. So quit imitating the gymnasts on TV and start watching the hunters around you.

Much Love,
Treat-giving big sister of your person.

:lol: This one made me laugh so hard that my office neighbor thought i was crying... :lol:

[IsolaBella09]

Dear Horse,
I understand you are a young green bean and like having fun nipping, jumping out of you pasture and kicking at everyone, but let's try and keep it to a minimum. The fact that you are 18hh, does not make it any easier for any of us. Please try to refrain from bolting into your stall. Not only is this dangerous for me, it is also dangerous for you. I really would like to see you in some sort of career, not just a pasture potato. Also, if you could try to not lose all of your shoes so much, I and my wallet would appreciate it greatly.

Love,
The Idiot That Loves You

[GrayTbred]

Dear Horse:

Words cannot describe the pride I felt after realizing that you were the only horse in your turnout group smart enough to locate the single, well-hidden bramble bush in the pasture. The dozens of burrs I picked out of your mane, tail, forelock and halter that night were truly a testament to your tenacity. And what an honor to find several of those burrs still sticking to my clothes hours afterward.

Kindest regards,
Your scratched-up owner

[JCS]

Dear Horse:

Thank you so much for the cuddlefest you insisted upon having with me while I was trying to pick your poo out of the shed. It makes me glad to know you miss me and want attention from me. When you wrapped your neck around me and nibbled on my hip to make me stop working and start snuggling, I was very touched. But please, no teeth. That hurts mommy. When I tried to continue shoveling the shed, thank you for standing on the pitchfork to remind me that patting horses is more important than working sometimes.

A couple of requests: Notice how George piles all his poo neatly in one corner of the shed? He learned that from the girls who were here this summer. Please try to learn that trick as well. Then I would have more time for cuddling. Also, neither biting George on the ass nor sticking your leg through the metal gate and rattling it will make the beet pulp soak any faster. You will just have to be patient.

Love,
Mom

Dear Person:

1. Scratching my itches is ALWAYS a higher priority than working. You should know that by now.

2. I will poo wherever I darn well please. So there. Besides, I thought you liked cleaning it up. You seem to spend so much time doing it.

3. Feed me when I say!!! Which is NOW! Then I won't have to get my leg stuck in the gate anymore.

Peace,
Horse

[tarragon]

Dear Filly,

Thank you for reminding me of the inherent dangers of bragging about you by trying to slice your leg off almost as soon as the words left my mouth. I apologize for my hubris, and will keep my lips firmly sealed in the future whenever anyone asks about you.

I do really appreciate how well-behaved you've been while we treat your wound, but please keep in mind that swatting the shovel off the wall with your tail so that it lands on my head is not going to make me stop putting medication on you, but I do have to admit that your aim is impressive.

Also, we all agree that you are plenty flashy enough (the flaxen mane and tail was just a little over the top, don't you think?) and there is no need to continue to add additional chrome in the form of white-haired scars.

p.s. the Dog would like you to know that he was here first, and that there is room in my life for both of you, so please stop trying to stomp on him. I think it's adorable how you always run to meet me at your paddock gate, but if you could try to to lose the "cow-kick at the Dog" part of your daily greeting I'm sure we'd all appreciate it.

Love and kisses,
Your Person

[Ted the Peep 'Ho]

Dear Mom,

While you have vastly improved in the years I have known you, I think I would be remiss if I didn't mention a few things.

(1) PAY ATTENTION when I demand a scritch. I am very carefully giving you clues as to the exact location and depth of scritching for that particular itch. I appreciate you are not that smart, but when I have an itch, that means it must be attended to NOW. Well, now and for the next 20 minutes.

(2) When you give me a treat, that means you give me all of it. You are not fooling me by putting 4 mellocreme pumpkins on top of the fan and giving me just one. I can count. I know what "all gone" means.

(3) When it rains, I would really prefer to stay inside the shed. You may not realize this, but I could melt in the rain, and then there would be no more Ted.

Loff,

Ted

[CJ4ME]

Dear Horse

The cat doesn't like to be goosed across the barn floor, nor does she like when you to poke your nose in her private areas when she is trying to hunt outside. It offends her sense of dignity. I know she is soft and fuzzy and very, very interesting, but she is a cat--she is most definitely NOT a jolly ball.

Also, when there is hay stacked in the aisle, I would really appreciate it if you didn't lunge for it and bring down three bales into the aisleway. They are heavy and I don't like to stack them multiple times a day. You have lots and lots of hay in your stall. Why not eat that hay instead of trampling it and dumping it into your buckets? It would save me a lot of time and money.

Thanks for your consideration! Let's go out for a latte soon!

Mom

[Ibex]

Dear Mare,

Thank you for reminding me not to take your 18 years of professional training for granted by lunging past me when I opened the arena door. The bruise on the top of my foot where you landed on it on the way past will continue to remind me for a few more days. However, I do appreciate the testing of my new heavy toed paddock boots and am happy to report that all my toes survived unscathed once the initial numbness had passed.

Best Regards,

Ibex

[Heineken]

Dear Lego,
Thank you. Thats really all I want to say. Thank you for ride after perfect ride. Thank you for jump after perfect jump. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love for an animal can bring to a human life. Thank you for always trying so hard. Thank you for being every little girl's dream and then turning into my grown up A/O horse. Thank you for loving your dog...and your little brother. And thank you for loving me, for choosing me and for staying with me for 18 wonderful years, let's hope for another 18!!

Dear Duplo,
So far so good in a year. Thank you for being so much like your big brother it verges on creepy. Thank you for being trainable, kind, and motivated to learn. Thank you for bringing me back to the show ring and making riding exciting and fun. Thank you for always doing your best to take care of me even when I forget I'm not riding your brother...

And thank you for choosing last weekend when your grandfather was visiting to introduce your new Bronco Routine...that was super fun.

Enjoy your vacation this month and next!

-Yous Owner

[Gen]

Dear mare I half lease,

thank you for restraining from tearing my arm out (straining it was quite enough) as I was turning you out today, and for free longing yourself at a good bucking gallop for exactly 5 minutes on each side and getting all the kinks out before I got on you for my lesson, for which you were good as gold. Thank you also for only snapping at the air and not my flesh as I commited the sin of trying to rub your gorgeous fur coat dry with a towel afterwards, and for not pawing a hole to China through the barn isle as you eagerly awaited your well-earned carrots. Most of all, thank you for a wonderful year and a half back in the saddle and for not dumping my re-rider butt more often than I deserve.

Loff,

Your part-time human

[Eventer55]

[That dead weight in the saddle as you go butt-hopping across the arena grunting like an angry pig.]:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin::wink grin::winkgrin::winkgrin:

[GallopGal]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for honoring your end of our agreement. You behave and I provide. If you werent so well behaved you would be gone. And I would get to buy myself new $120 shoes every 6 weeks. I would get to get a $90 chiro adjustment once a month. I would get to have a $100 message everytime I felt a bit tense. I would get to have time to relax. I would get to move out of my parents house into my own place. But I much prefer I go to work all day while you stand out side eating grass in the sun. I dont mind that I go to work before the sun comes up and dont get home till the sun goes down...as long as you are happy. But turst me, one step out of line, one pinned ear and you are going bye bye.

Love,
Your Mom

[ChampionMercedes]

Dear Horse,

Thank you for making me look like a liar today. After our saint of a farrier went out of his way to come out and do your feet today, and after you were falling asleep on the lunge line because you were sooo tired, it's really not appropriate to act like a two year old while he's trying to work with you. You are 17. This is not a new experience. It's getting old. Whinnying and nickering at me after he was done while I get your blanket is extremely cute, but it doesn't make things all better. I know you hate being cold and wet, but you chose to stand in the rain, away from your warm shelter with hay. And then showed me your beautiful trot and girly squeal as I tried to catch you to bring you in. When I'm limping and wincing with every step I would appreciate it if you would just greet me. I have treats!

I do have to thank you for being so mellow with this recent move. I know it was a big change and a long trailer ride. And I'm sure you miss mommy #2. Tomorrow when I try to ride for the first time since surgery I would appreciate it if you could be as relaxed as you have been on the lunge the past few days. I have treats!

Love,

The Peppermint Lady





Dear Peppermint Lady,

Why didn't you bring treats today? I can't stand for the farrier when there are things going on behind me. You know me better than that. I have to see everything. I wanted to stand in the rain so I could see the other horses. When do I get to go out with everyone else?

I think you need to know that I am not a doll. Please stop dressing me up. I like my warm blankets, but why do I have so many? I don't rip them. You bring all sorts of colors. Just because I'm black and everything matches on me doesn't mean I need something in every shade. I'm a boy.

More treats, less work.

-Kiddo

[rescuemom]

Dear Horse1:
I appreciate your willingness, nay eagerness to see me, by coming to the fenceline before I get to the gate. This is a wonderful thing. I

fully appreciate that you weigh 1200#, a fact hard to escape when you are resting it all on one of my feet. I admit I should not place my feet where your hooves might interact. I appreciate that at 3, with one eye, you are still sometimes spacially disoriented. Nevertheless, when removing a hoof from my foot please do so in a vertical manner. The twist, turn, up motion does not endear you to me, and as sandal season is not quite finished here yet the bruise inflicted is a constant reminder.

Love, Your mom

Dear Horse2:
Stop. Just stop. And stand. Until I instruct you otherwise. I am more alpha than thou. I always "win", a fact that has not escaped you given your extreme intelligence. You are 19. You are semi-retired. You are well loved and cared for. You are well trained. I believe I am not out of line in expecting you to stand the hell still while I get on, and even while I am getting settled and picking up the other stirrup. I am 50+ and over the fun and games of flying mounts. I do not aspire to be a geriatric trick rider. When you accomplish the difficult task of not moving a foot as I get on you get a treat. There is a correlation there, which I have tried to make abundantly clear, and I thought you had gotten it. When you do 2 hot laps of the arena whilst I have not yet picked up the off stirrup and have laced my fingers through your mane while attempting to get enough rein to suggest that you stop, do not halt and then turn to me with a look that clearly indicates you should receive a reward now that you have stopped. The entertainment factor of your expressive attitude does not overcome my irritation, but merely changes the tenor of my laugh. You have missed an important point of the correlation -- timing.

In summary: you are well loved, well cared for, well fed, exceedingly well $hod, and lightly worked. In return I expect that you will not move as I get on, and that a second person to hold you still will not be required. This is not too much to ask, you will not get a pass, and I have a crop and I know how to use it.:uhoh:

Love, she who is "bigger" than you

[riverbell93]

Dear Beloved School Horse,
Thank you for being your calm, sane self when the mares in our class had a
blowout blonde moment and simultaneously bolted. Horse galloping, riders flying, and you just stood there watching. And thank you for waiting peacefully through the various rider/instructor/horse conversations that followed. After riding the ADD Mare, I greatly appreciate your ability to stand still and not fuss endlessly. One minor quibble - on turns, I would ask that you wait the extra .0001 second for my cue before whipping your entire body around on one hoof. Yes, I know you're God's gift to snappy turns, but give a girl a chance, would you?

Your Loving Rider.


Dear Adult Rider,
We will not discuss your weight. Suffice it to say that the children are much, much less onerous to carry. However, you are acceptable because you have much more time to spend grooming and fussing over me before and after lessons, and you do not want me to jump. Those kids go running to their mom's SUVs without regard to the fact that my neck is itchy, and I have a speck of dirt on my leg. And they persist in making me throw myself into the air. Just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I like to do it all the time. I like turns; I'm good at them, did you notice? I think you need to grab mane before you attempt any more roll backs. I find your horse treats delicious, and I would hate for you to be injured and unable to transport them to me.

Your Dutiful Mount

[Zoomer]

Dear Horse,
Thank you for kindly greeting me with nickers whenever it is near feeding time. Lots and lots of nickers. I love how you follow me, just out of reach of my flailing elbow, when I carry food to your bucket. It would help if you didn't ignore me when food wasn't remotely involved.

Dear Human,
Where's my food? You knocked me up and now I have needs. And hormones. So gimme.

[Marcella]

Dear Riley,

Do you realize that I drive 600 miles to the feed store to buy you food, and then 600 miles to deliver it to your bucket? Why can't you just eat it?

Love,
Your mother

Dear Briscoe,
Please don't get hurt anymore. I've only ridden you twice since I bought you, and owe the vet enough to make a dent in the national debt.

Love,
Your New Mom

Dear Nimitz,
Thank you for eating everything all of your food like a good boy, and for staying sound, and for jumping all of your jumps, and for winning ribbons at the show for the ungreatful little girl that rides you. Please help your brothers learn these wonderful ways.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Mom,
We need cookies.

Love,
The Boys

[fourhorses]

Dear Horse,

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the opportunities you have given me for self analysis and the questioning of my moral, ethical, and mental faculties. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for the philosophical growth your purchase has provided for me; I'm sure I would be quite mad with megalomania, what with all the extra cash I would have on hand. Cash used to fix the barn/fence/stalls/you/me after another of your actions which have left you stuck/cast/loose/hurt/hung up on your stall door/etc. I would also have been deprived of the opportunity to ponder the supposed rationality of the universe and whether or not it truly has been fashioned by a wise, omniscient creator who created both the mosquito as well as you. Please quit spooking at your feed box and try spazzing over the helicopters that sometimes appear on our trail rides together (I could justify that better)...also try to remember to run away from the mare when she kicks you rather than standing there and taking it....and if I pitch an apple at your feet please don't stare at me to give you one; I already have.
Love you anyways,
the Bill Payer

Dear Human,
I....LOVE....MONKEYS! DOTADOOO!

Can I have another apple please?

[Calena]

Dear Horse,

Dear Human,
I....LOVE....MONKEYS! DOTADOOO!

Can I have another apple please?

:winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin: :winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin::winkgrin:
Okay, now I'm at work with a sore stomach from giggling. Not fair.

[SmartAlex]

Dear Human,

Please stop spraying Listerine on my tailbone. Don't you know that stings? And why on earth do I need a fresh smelling fanny? The other horses are starting to pick on me about it.
And that oiley stuff on my feet.... I can feel that, I really can. It's creepy.
Just so you know, I could NOT tell that was a feed tub in the weeds. I thought it was a black bear, I really did. So, I apologize for the flying Pegasus leap. If you promise to stop spraying my butt with the mouthwash, I will try not to do that again.

Sincerely,
Stinkhead

[Roney]

Dear Horse,
Thank you for being sure to always desperately nicker at me any time I am holding anything that sounds, looks, or smells remotely like food/treats/edible toys. It never ceases to make me laugh and feel loved, even though I know you're just looking for the candy.

Love,
Your Sugar Momma

[Roney]

ps Horse - If you'd just try a little harder at Dressage, I could spend all that lesson money on more treats.... -ysm. :lol:

[catknsn]

Dear Horse,

You are a 22 year old unbroke ex-broodmare whose responsibilities consist of: (a) eating (b) sleeping and (c) baby sitting the blind mare. How is it that you have managed to bow a tendon and tear additional tendons in a manner I have never seen in all my years caring for high performance polo ponies and jumpers? I am working long hours and truly do not enjoy kneeling in the mud to reapply your standing wraps or trying to affix ice to your upper leg in a stable enough way that you will not remove it before I do. I understand that you clearly had not experienced leg wrapping before your 22nd year; however, this will be easier for both of us if you learn to stand still for it. Remember, I did not make you do whatever it is you did that caused this injury.

You are lucky you are so damn cute.

Sincerely,
The overworked equine retirement financier

[dogchushu]

Dear Horse:

The same water goes into the green buckets as the black ones. It will taste the same, and the black bucket won't eat you. I promise. You don't need to flee your stall at the speed of sound just because I put the black bucket in your stall. It's the same shape and size as the green one. Only the color is different.

Also, stop looking at me like I'm starving you after you've finished your grain. You have plenty of hay, and you're not exactly skin and bones. In fact, you've gone well past "in good flesh"--even for a hunter.

Sincerely,
Your owner

Dear Foolish Owner:

I don't believe you. The black bucket is evil. Put that in my stall again and I'll run you over like a steamroller. Just try me.

And you can just stop being so stingy with grain. Have you seen the size of your own rear end? Hay-schmay. I'm hungry here!

Begrudgingly,
Your horse

[MidlifeCrisis]

Dear Horse,

Thank you so ever much for helping the vet give vaccinations in the turnout paddock yesterday. I know that you were just trying to help, but I think the vet is able to give a shot without your assistance. After umpteen years of vet school and working, he is quite capable of pushing the plunger of the syringe without you trying to push on it with your nose.

If you are trying to tell me that you want to go to vet school, please let me know and I'll take out a second mortgage on the house to help you. I'd be happy to do that if it means that you can self-treat so I don't have to get out of bed in the wee hours of the morning. However, I can't imagine how you're going to perform a self-rectal exam during one of those colics that you're so prone to getting.

Love,
Mom

[horse-loverz]

Dear Horse:
Just a reminder but YOU ARE NOT A GIRAFFE!!! Please stop raising your head like one. I am 5'2" you are 17.1 I cannot put the halter on you with your head in the clouds. Oh and the lovely teasing keep away game you play with me gets old after a while... I can almost reach you... you raise it up.. you lower your head... I start to place halter.. you raise your head up... I hear you snickering.. it is not funny! I know you like seeing me on my tippy toes but please I really need to get you tacked up so I can ride you. On the bright side once you finally agreed to the halter thank you for the loffly ride today.. I can tell you really like your new expensive horse shoes, your trot felt heavenly today. So remember you are a horse not a giraffe!! Thanks!

Your human

Dear Human:
*snork* You look sooo funny stretching.. Humans make the wierdest faces...hey at least I stood still didn't I? Thanks for the carrots.. bribary is always acceptable! Don't forget to stop by TSC for more Dumars 'Mkay!

Peace out
Stoker

[GallopGal]

Dear horse,

Its ok to pee outside. You dont have to hold it all day until I bring you in your stall.

Love,
Me



Dear Human,

But everyone is watching me.

Love,
Horse

[hunterprincez]

Dear Pooh,
Thank you very much for being so excited to see me when i come down to the barn. Your happy little nicker and pawing at the door make me feel like the most loved human in the world. Please tell me why the second that i open the stall door to put the halter on you proceed to spin around and put your large prosterior in my face. After i get the halter on your large very high in the air head you proceed to drag me all over sampling all the tasty grasses and making me the laughing stock of the barn because i can't walk you 20 ft without you dragging me to see something. I have seen you lead like a puppy dog for Santana why not me? I know he does not love you like i do and i can promise he does not keep you supplied with stud muffins. I also just wanted to let you know how proud i am for you for finally understanding that going nice and slow and rocking back on your hind end and actually putting your front legs in front of you where they belong when you jump. It looks and feels so much better than when you would blast off at a high rate of speed and leave about 2 strides out of the line plus i don't get left in the rumble seat anymore. Keep up the good work and I will keep the stud muffins coming.
Love Sara

Dear Human,
Mommy, i know you love me very much but please lay of the Poodis nickname. All the horses make fun of me in the barn, i already have to deal with being named Pooh it is a good thing i am very large and can make some ugly faces to scare those little ponies. I am glad you approve of my new jumping style. I think i pulled an internal organ last time i did the launch so i decided to try things a little different. I will try to keep on doing it how you like it but i might have to throw a launch in everynow and then.
Love Pooh,
Your 1st born horse and don't forget it!

[snbess]

Dear Horse,
Yes, I KNOW. You like your alfalfa mix better than your plain old grass hay. Really, you've been very clear on this matter. The grass is very acceptable quality, though, and I have a whole huge stack of it, so start eating it! Have you not realized that when you clean it up, you get a little extra alf hay the next meal? If you don't clean it up, I give you less hay until you do? This will continue to be a theme. I do understand that right now the grass in your big pasture is growing again and you really, really enjoy being out there and able to eat. I promise I will keep the pasture open as long as possible until it gets icy out. We wouldn't want you to get injured for a 3rd winter in a row.

On a different note, thank you SO much for being such a good girl today, despite the wind storm that rolled through our ride. I am enjoying riding you so much the last couple weeks, as you build your abs back up after surgery. I think we both wish I would have had you spayed several years ago.

Your loving mom

[citabobita]

Dear Horse,

The spectator bench next to the outdoor is not going to kill you. It has been there every time you've passed it for the last seven years. If it WAS going to kill you, it would have done it quite a while ago when it was younger and more agile. So. Just. Get. Over. It. Last time I checked the obituaries, not a single horse's cause of death was "bench."

thanks,
xoxo
Rider

Dear Rider,

I was up all night again last night. It's the bench. Every night it comes to my stall door and talks of the various ways in which it is going to kill me. It is waiting for the right moment, I swear. When all is said and done, everyone will have to admit that, while it might not have been worth my life, I was totally right about the bench.

Love,
xoxo
Cita

[curlyponeigh]

Dear horse,

Its ok to pee outside. You dont have to hold it all day until I bring you in your stall.

Love,
Me



Dear Human,

But everyone is watching me.

Love,
Horse


:lol:

[Lori]

Dear Fat Pony,

Thanks so much for being such a rude boy and totally forgetting your manners while I was trying to brush you. You know better, old friend. I know you expected treats from the spoiling friend of mine who insists on giving gobs of treats to you for no reason other than to watch you eat. Not only did we have a cometojesus meeting, but I had to do the same with my friend who then left in quite the huff after I banned them from giving you any more treats.


Dear tail less,

Haha, if you think my nickers and expressive eyes won't win me treats TOMORROW, you are mistaken. I have this down to a science.
Now, move and let me get my treats....


Dear POA,

Yes, you are gorgeous and I do love your legs. But, please, try to keep them away from objects that cause injuries that take forever to heal. And do keep your butt and barrel off of whatever you keep putting scraped lines on it with. You don't have to connect the dots to impress me. You are beautiful the way you are.

Dear new mom,

I heard there are some really good treats around here.....

[2Jakes]

Dear Horse...

The empty mylar balloon that is now hanging in your stall to the right of your hay bag is the same one that was to the left of your hay bag yesterday. It is the same one that has hung by your feed bucket for the three days before that. It is the same one that was anchored in your pasture and in your paddock for three days before it moved into your stall. Please realize soon that, just because it moves does not mean it will kill you. It is just a balloon! You are an 1100 pound horse!

Also...the milk crate that is serving as a mounting block on the newly reopened trail is not worth the time you spent spooking at it last ride. We both know that you know what milk crates are, and I think I can safely attest that you have never been attacked by one. Just because it is resting quietly off the side of the trail does not mean it will kill you. It is just a milk crate for goodness sakes! Again, you are an 1100 pound horse!

On a positive note...thank you for being such a wonderful boy 98% of the time and for your little nickers and grunts when I arrive at the barn. Thank you for not getting sick from your midnite raid on the treat cabinet (and yes, I do believe you that the doors were left open and you couldn't help getting into it...uh...after you broke the board to leave your paddock). Thank you for being my travelling partner and my trail buddy and for being "my best boy". You know I love you and I always will.

Now...will you PLEASE try to be brave this weekend at the Obstacle Challenge?! (If there are any balloons or milkcrates there I will try to be understanding.)
Love and Kisses,
Your Mom, aka the Apple-Licorice-Peppermint-Carrot-Cookie Lady

Dear A-L-P-C-C Pooper-Scooper Lady,

I know how much I weigh, you need not remind me. Perhaps I should emphasize how much you weigh on a public forum! No...I shall take the high road and not mention it...humph...I hope you learned something!

And just so you know...that balloon is possessed! I moves all by itself...whenever the wind blows. It crinkles threats at me constantly. You think that little hay string will hold it back but I know what goes on when you leave me alone with it! I am lucky to still be alive after spending so many days being *forced* to eat in such close proximity with that killer balloon.

About the milk crate incident. It wasn't there when we used to use that trail two years ago! It's NEW! You know how I feel about NEW things that don't *belong*. It clearly states in Chapter 2-J-2 of my Horse Handbook, and I quote: "Regarding 'new things on the trail'. Self-preservation is paramount. That does not include special favors for anyone else." Do you get it?! A milk crate (and especially a NEWly placed one) does NOT belong there! ALL NEW THINGS could be predators. They may be lying in wait, ready to pounce on me. *New things*, when hungry, devour young tender sorrel geldings! (It says so in my handbook!)

And you are welcome for all that I do for you...as long as you continue to bring me apples, licorice, peppermints, carrots and cookies! (I'll think about this weekend.)
I need to go poop now, when are you coming to pick it up?
Love,
Jake

[GallopGal]

Dear horse,

Its ok to pee outside. You dont have to hold it all day until I bring you in your stall.

Love,
Me



Dear Human,

But everyone is watching me.

Love,
Horse

P.S.

Dear Human,

Its NOT ok to pee in my stall. You DO have to hold it all day until you get home.

Only in an absolute emergency is this ok. But please remember... #2's go in the back right corner of the stall (please dont do that) and #1's go in the center. I have a system lady.

Love,
Horse

[Dreamboat Annie]

Dear Mini, I hope you appreciate the nice stall I fixed up for you....do you can do me a favor and keep all the poo to one corner, so I don't have to sift through all the shavings looking for your tiny horse apples...

Sincerely your Human

[J-Lu]

Dear Horse,

Thank you so much for convincing me that you simply can't possibly be supple enough or collect enough to pull off nice canter pirouettes. And thank you for convincing me that you really are trying...sooooooo hard. I had a talk with Elizabeth-the-trainer today, who rode you today and told me that actually, you are quite capable of being supple enough and collected enough to pull off quite nice pirouettes...when you want to be. Actually, she did not simply tell me, it was more of a sit-me-down to tell me how much you have me wrapped around your little hoof. In fact, she offered to ride you tomorrow just to show you how capable you really are.

I really don't think that your working one hour a day, four days per week is a big deal. I work 50-60 hours per week to keep you in nice shoes, good food and pleasant housing. You costs per month rival mine. I didn't go to the doctor last time I had a swollen throat but I didn't hesitate to call the vet out on a Sunday for yours. All of my shoes together don't even add up to half the cost of one pair of yours. Could you PLEASE try a little harder during those mere 4 hours per week??? Please???

love,
J.

Dear J.

The reason I'm not supple for you is because when I wasn't feeling well, you introduced Torey the amazing massage woman into my life. I loved it. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED her. So much, I've learned how to rub my knots on fences and the bars in the cross-ties. If I had one every day, maybe I could be supple enough to work. Oh, and carrots and apples, too. THey also make me supple. But I need alot of them. Vitamin A and C, you know. And lots of time in the field so I can meditate...although I do expect a fluffy bedded stall at night because you KNOW how much I need my own space to sleep.

Regarding the work, I really could do more, but what's the point? Why go in circles when I can spend my time mowing down an acre or more per day. What's the point of using my body when I can stand perfectly still? Admittedly, I do feel better when I exercise and am in shape, but I'd really prefer to meet "that man" so I can lose my girlish figure. Food. FOOD. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

Ami

[Calena]

Dear Feeble One,

I'm writing in a desperate attempt to encourage you to never enter an arena again. I have spent countless hours of my life gently and sometimes not so gently attempting to help you find your way out of them. For some odd reason, you seem to get lost every time we go in an arena and we wind up spending valuable time going around in circles until you FINALLY are able to spot the door.

I have tried leaning towards them, turning my head to point to them, edging sideways out of them, speeding up as we head towards them, I've even gone so far as to bolt out the door. Yet, you still seem confused as to exactly where the door is.

Are you lacking something in your diet? Have you had your blood checked lately? Your eyes? Have you had a neuro exam? I've heard that EPM can cause you to wander in endless circles. Seriously, get some help! I'm running out of ideas.

Your ever patient and forgiving,
Mare

[Paddys Mom]

Dear Feeble One,

I'm writing in a desperate attempt to encourage you to never enter an arena again. I have spent countless hours of my life gently and sometimes not so gently attempting to help you find your way out of them. For some odd reason, you seem to get lost every time we go in an arena and we wind up spending valuable time going around in circles until you FINALLY are able to spot the door.

I have tried leaning towards them, turning my head to point to them, edging sideways out of them, speeding up as we head towards them, I've even gone so far as to bolt out the door. Yet, you still seem confused as to exactly where the door is.

Are you lacking something in your diet? Have you had your blood checked lately? Your eyes? Have you had a neuro exam? I've heard that EPM can cause you to wander in endless circles. Seriously, get some help! I'm running out of ideas.

Your ever patient and forgiving,
Mare

You get my vote! LOL!!!

[jeano]

Dear Mare:

Thanks for being the Safety Horse and carrying me past all the horse eating alligators disguised as logs, horse eating giraffes disguised as power company tree trimming equipment, and that horse eating shadow we saw just today. Thanks for being the smoothest ride I’ve ever been on, and for wanting to explore new trails.

Thank you for biting the gelding every time he asks for the smallest bit of attention from me. Thank you for having allergies that make you rub your mane out every single summer, not to mention the copious amounts of horse snot you fling around whenever I am near.

Thank you for your big hard hoofs that can go barefoot. Thanks especially for not having tried to kick me with them since that day I had the good fortune to have a 2 pound jar of ichthammol in my hand and nailed you right in your broad butt for taking aim at me. And thanks most of all for not killing me, or even hurting me, the day we fell and you rolled right on top of me (and rolled back off before I was even aware I was eating dirt!)

And I will never thank you enough for letting me be the first lieutenant mare in the little herd you boss. I NEEDED to get in better touch with my inner bitchy mare, I guess.

The Woman

Dear Gelding:

Thanks for being about the best equine bargain a girl could have. For 750 bucks I got a smart, gentle, willing, well-trained, energetic 6-year-old walking horse. Thanks for letting me soak off the nasty nylon halter that had grown into your poor jaw, and for letting me put ointment on the raw places until they healed. That took a lot of courage, since you were scared to death of anything moving around your head, and no wonder! And of course, thanks for learning to be caught. Once you learned a halter wasn’t a permanent fixture on your head you were real good about letting me put one on when needed.

Thanks for finally letting the Man and the Neighbor Man prove to you that Men in general were not the Enemy. The Enemy will never get near you again, I promise. Thanks also for learning to stand still to be mounted and to not be afraid of mounting blocks, cinder blocks, and tree-stumps and ditches we sometimes have to use. No one is ever going to do a running cowboy vaulting mount on you again, either.

Thanks for learning to enjoy being groomed. You sure were dirty when you came here. Funny, you don’t smell bad anymore. You used to have the rankest scared-horse odor. Thanks for learning how to take paste wormer. Those peppermints we give you afterwards make it worthwhile, don’t they?

Most of all, accept my thanks for putting up with the Mare. She really has your best interests at heart, you know.

The Woman


Dear Woman

Will you just lay off the word processing and take us for a ride?

The Heese

[KPF]

Dear Ex-Horse,

I fully intended to keep you for the rest of your neurotic life, even though when I bought you I was looking for a quiet horse and didn't realize you would spook at your own shadow. I really didn't mind spending a months salary to send you for training for two months.

If you had not bolted for no reason and had not chucked me into the hard ground breaking my back, you would still have a nice, cushy life at my farm. Thanks for making my Labor Day weekend memorable, by the way, I'm sure to never forget it. I certainly won't forget it for at least another month as I have a back brace on 24/7 as a reminder of your love. Luckily because of my insurance I will not have to pay the $35,000 hospital bill that I just received this week, otherwise I'd have that lovely reminder of you also.

I hope you enjoy your new home (remember that you were free to them and that they were fore-warned about you and your neurosis)... I am enjoying not seeing your face around. Sorry to be blunt but I feel you were pretty direct with me (as in directing me to the ground) so I figured you'd appreciate my returning the favor.

Thanks again--

Your Ex-Mom


Dear Retired Horse--

I just wanted to write and tell you just how much I love you. You are the best. In almost 10 years of owning and riding you, you have never hurt me... well except for that one time about 5 years ago that you nipped at me and got me good, but the subsequent smack you got from me prevented that from ever happening again.

I'm still heartbroken that you are lame and I can't do anything but mosey around on you at a walk anymore. However, I thank you for the eight or so good riding years we had together. I appreciate you and your good nature a LOT more these days, by the way.

I apologize for bringing a horse of obviously inferior quality into your world. I wish I had found another one like you to be my new riding horse. But, alas, there is not another one out there like you, you are my once in a lifetime boy. If and when I ever get well enough to ride, I will try to find a lesser version of you to keep you company.

I'm sorry that in the meantime you had to go back to the boarding barn but I know how you hate to be alone. I do miss seeing your handsome face peeking out at me every day as I come up the driveway.

We don't talk about this often but I want you to know that you have earned being spoiled rotten for the rest of your life and that I will always love you.

Love,

Mom

Dear Mom,


*I* am not the one who broke your back, you know. I would never hurt you, and would like to find that dumbass horse that did this to you and beat him up. Because HE is the reason I'm not getting my daily cookies! Please get well soon! I'm starving here!!! (I know I don't look like I'm starving, but REALLY, I am!!!)

Love,

Retired Horse

[arena run]

Dear Dancer,

Thank you for playing along w/my horsie aspirations lo these many years. You knew I would one day 'get it' and you patiently waited til I did. Thank you for sharing your spirit and speed and wonderful sense of humor w/me, too. Afterall, who else could make me laugh simply by bugging their eyes at a stump?

And mostly... thank you for being you. For understanding and for forgiving and for being oh-so willing to try for me one more time. Thank you for not being a dead-head... for showing me that gentleness and spirit and willingness and try and oh-no-I'm-not can all co-exist quite happily w/in one glorious being.

You.

Your ever-devoted Feeder-Scratcher Lady, sylvia

[arena run]

And Dear Penny,

Thank you for showing me that mares are simply the Cat's Pajamas. Thank you for not resenting my meddling into your buddy-zone. Thank you for going along w/my fanciful 'dressings' at Christmas. Thank you for not holding it against me when I scare the be-jeebies out of you w/the flag poles.

Mostly, thank you for carting my sorry rear-end around the trails and the arena for these past two years w/out complaint.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

You ever-devoted Feeder-Scratcher Lady, sylvia

[arena run]

Dearest Feeder-Scratcher Lady...

Go suck an egg.

Really.... Go suck an egg. It'll get that goofy look off your face and give us a bit more time to eat.

Go on - you heard us now......


Lovingly and w/your BEST always at heart, (cross our hooves)
Dancer and Penny

[REINRIDER]

Dear Adidas (may you have been resting in peace and enjoying bountiful fields of clover these many years you have been gone from me)....

Thank you for being the most wonderful dream come true horse for a 12 yr old girl. Thank you for teaching me all those things you taught me so many years ago. You did bad things??? I'm quite sure I don't remember a single bad thing you ever did. Thank you for having the patience to tolerate a backyard rider who loved you more than anything but probably did so many things wrong, it's unimaginable. What a saint you were. Still to this day, I miss you but believe you have given me a second chance and have come back to me, reincarnated in Rein, so that I may have the opportunities to make amends and do for him the things I was unable to do for you. I know you understand that as a young teenager very much under the control of the parents' decisions, it was out of my hands when the decision was made for you to be parted from me. I will never forget that horrible day of having to help load you on the trailer and then on the following day just coincidentally get in traffic behind that same trailer only to see you face peering out the back gate at me. Yes, I know that you recognized my car, it was the same one that drove down the lane to feed you twice a day. That memory has haunted me for many years. Rest assured, Rein ( and in my heart, you) will have a forever home with me and I will be eternally grateful for all the lessons you taught me and for you being the friend that no one else could be during those years I was blessed with you in my life!

RIP

Your loving mom, who still wishes I could make it up to you in person.

[lovemyrobin]

Dear Mom,

I really wish you would listen to your trainer lady a little better. She's not kidding when she yells at you to quit holding the reins so tight at the canter. I also tried to tell you, but you weren't listening. So I had to launch you in order to get your attention. But I don't think the trainer lady needs to be going around calling me "Rocket Launcher" in front of all my freinds--that is not nice. And you need to listen to her when she tells you to get off the right rein, and stretch your left leg down--she probably knows what she's doing because she can ride me perfect. I do think it's funny that the trainer lady always sends someone to get her helmet when she rides me, I'm not that bad. She doesn't wear her helmet when she ride her ginormous WB mares. I am trying to be a good girl, but it's not always easy. I got you some pretty good scores and behaved when you took me to that big show. And I don't understand what the big deal is about those papers that you and the trainer lady like to look at after our classes, I would rather look at the ribbons. And what is the big deal about 3-4's on Submission, I always get you 7-8's on gaits!!! If you want submission, go ride your daughters gelding--he is a wussy boy.

Please bring more bribes, oops I mean treats.

Penelope the mare


MOMMY!!!!!!!

I loff you mommy, I do I do I do. Can I have a treat, can I go outside, please I really want to go outside, my friends are all going outside, why can't I do outside??? I'm not happy about this, I'm going to bite you, I really am, I'm not kidding, if you don't let me outside right now I AM GOING TO BITE YOU!!! Owww why did you smack me, you never smack Penelope, ITS NOT FAIR. I love you mommy, I do I do

Loff

Buddy the gelding


Dear Penelope and Buddy,

I love you, thanks for all you bring to my life.

Love

Mom

[horse-loverz]

bump I wanna hear more:winkgrin:

[allicolls Aefvue Farms Deep South]

Dear Cruzer,
I miss you alot. I hope you are enjoying your Pacific Ocean view and your new career as a hunter. Who would have ever thunk it, you a hunter? You silly reining-bred 16.3 hand anomaly. You keep taking care of your new mom and when you get a little older and get ready to retire, you just tell her to give me a call.
Love,
The President of your Fan Club
PS There are lots of Ritz Bitz, Sno-Cones, oreos, Gatorades, Creme-savers, and Diet Cokes waiting for you. And tiny children to love on you all day.

[CJ4ME]

:lol::D


Dear Feeble One,

I'm writing in a desperate attempt to encourage you to never enter an arena again. I have spent countless hours of my life gently and sometimes not so gently attempting to help you find your way out of them. For some odd reason, you seem to get lost every time we go in an arena and we wind up spending valuable time going around in circles until you FINALLY are able to spot the door.

I have tried leaning towards them, turning my head to point to them, edging sideways out of them, speeding up as we head towards them, I've even gone so far as to bolt out the door. Yet, you still seem confused as to exactly where the door is.

Are you lacking something in your diet? Have you had your blood checked lately? Your eyes? Have you had a neuro exam? I've heard that EPM can cause you to wander in endless circles. Seriously, get some help! I'm running out of ideas.

Your ever patient and forgiving,
Mare

[tidy rabbit]

Dear Horses,

I know that in the spring and summer months time gets short and I seem to always be rushing with you all. I am sorry that I sometimes find it hard to stop for a minute just to give a good ass scratching to one of you in need, or to let you rub your head for as long as you like after a hard ride in the heat.

As fall is closing in and there's not so much to do, I seem to find more time for nose kisses and ass scratches.

I want to thank you horses for your endless patience. Your willingness to figure out what I want even when I seem to be clear as mud in my directions.

To the babies, thanks for not stuffing me head first into the sand and kicking me in the head as you run by me laughing. This summer you both have been great!

To my mare,
You seem to not be able to handle the pressures of being on the road, I promise, from now on, you're just going to stay home and be my practice horse. Hopefully you can teach me to be confident over the big jumps and we'll just play in our own ring, no more traveling for you, I promise you! I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. :(

Thank you all for a great year! Thanks for all you have taught me this year about strength and the payoff of hardwork and about patience; both with myself and with you! I love you all, my babies.

[JohnDeere]

Dear Horse,

You are the smartest horse in the wordl. You can read for heavens sake. So why do you always have to stop & look at the opening at the end of the arena? Its always there. You are in the same arena 6 days a week for months.

Now granted the things inside that opening may change. One day theres a tractor in it. One day theres hay, or a horse, or a cat, or a person, or a whelebarrow. But the opening has not changed since the day we came to this barn.

And why o why does it matter which direction you are going?

Your human

Dear human---

Congrats on noticingthat I am smart. Being smart I notice things. Like when the scenery at the end of the arena changes. And the number of chairs sitting at the end of the arena changes. I cna count too. And the placement of the chairs at the other end f the arena changes. And someone leaves a fork against the wall at the end of the arena.
Inc ase you havent noticed, Im a horse. Horses are supposed to be snorty and flighty. I can see the black hole much clearer when Im coming down toward it than when Im coming around the corner at it. Thats why it looks different tno me. And I always go by it, dont i? Eventually.
Let me eat my hay. Its hard to type with shoes on, you know.

Your horse