Stinky Boarder-Annoying, too...

[Nezzy]

ok, i try to be nice about people, but here is m first impression upon meeting the new Boarder. She is older, about 55 or up ( not really an issue, just a description). She has NO TEETH. no dentures. She stinks like Body odor and Cat urine. AND her horse is the cutest sweetest thing, and when she is not here, the horse is calm and i love her. when the woman is here, the horse is anxious, won't behave for her. She said "don't help me get on, b/c she'll Rear." So, i grab the reins, anyway, and the woman gets on with help of a mounting block.. she says, "Oh. Thanks." ( no indication of rearing, but i would not have blamed the horse one bit)

i did not tell her i was only doing it to save the horse from having to hear her screechy voice. oh, forgot to mention that one. She came from a local barn that is sort of a laughing stock around the area, and the woman is spouting off about The other BO says this and the other BO says that, Blah blah...

the BO and i are friends and she says to me, " what do i do, now?" she said on the phone, the woman sounded normal, seemed nice, etc.. and then she met her. the BO had put a notice in the paper, so the woman knew there were stalls. so now we have a big mouth idiot in the barn who is sort of mean to her horse, b/c she thinks the horse does not behave. But she is good for anyone else, i mean leading to and from stall to turnout, standing in isle patiently. i feel horrible for that horse, and i want to help the horse, but i can't deal with Stinky. What do you all suggest? i am a blunt person, i don't hide my feelings well, and i will probably see this woman a lot at the barn. i want to be nice, but i have a feeling i will not come off nice.

[slc2]

sometimes being a blunt person who doesn't hide their feelings is a bad thing.

even the most unattractive person has something good about them. she may smell like cats because she rescues them and tries to find homes for them, the body odor may be because she can't afford all the fancy medications to ease her through menopause (typically about that age), and the teeth may be bad because she came from a family that neglected her health and nutrition when she was young, so her teeth did not develop properly. in my family, 'non closing infundibula' are very common, leaving a small defect in the center of the enamel of the tooth - everyone in my family has had extensive dental work to fix this, but some people can't afford that.

one of the most interesting women i ever met was, when i first met her, a migrant farm worker who had been abandoned by her parents at a gas station when she was 6 months old. she had been in a foster home, lived on the street, and been picked up by another family. no, her clothing and manners were not like the 'professional people' so admired on this bulletin board, and no, she didn't look like one of the 'Heathers' you went to high school with - but she was a thoroughly decent person, and very intelligent at figuring things out. she put herself through school - to be a doctor? lawyer? no, a plumber. and she was the most careful, thorough, neat and efficient plumber i ever met.

and more than anything, i know she could look at your smelly, dumb old lady boarder and find something good and decent about her....and i admire that - far more than i admire what you're complaining about. she was unfailingly cheerful and decent to everyone - even people who treated her like crap.

find something nice about the lady boarder?

i can.

like for example, when you messed with her horse when she was getting on, after she told you not to, she didn't deck you or yell at you - no matter what your opinion is of what someone is doing, you are absolutely NOT to interfere with another boarder or go against their SPECIFIC instructions for handling their horse, ESPECIALLY when they are riding or mounting.

you had NO business doign that and it was WRONG, no matter WHAt you think of how she rides or handlers ehr horse - you were OFF LIMITS.

[Orn1218]

sometimes being a blunt person who doesn't hide their feelings is a bad thing.

even the most unattractive person has something good about them. like for example, when you messed with her horse when she was getting on, after she told you not to, she didn't deck you. she sounds nicer than you. :)


How very true.

[harvestmoon]

You're upset that she stinks and she spouts off?

Aren't you spouting off on a public BB? ;)

Granted, no names are involved, but still. What a charming post! ;)

I dunno, it seems to me like you should just go about your own business - as long as the horse isn't in immediate danger.

[meredithbarlow]

Leave the OP alone!

She sounds like a collector (animals) they usually smell like cat pee. The BO should have told her she wouldn't fit in, its her fault for allowing her to stay though as long as she follows the rules it would be bad form to kick her out because you just don't like her.

[Sobriska]

No need for you o be within sniffing range of this boarder. If you don't care for her, don't go near her. Simple enough, IMO.

[harvestmoon]

No need for you o be within sniffing range of this boarder. If you don't care for her, don't go near her. Simple enough, IMO.

This is what I *meant* to say. :lol: You said it more succinctly.

[Dalfan]

You sound like you think she is below you - because she has no teeth and smells and you think she is clueless about her horse. The last fits in nicely (an excuse) for you to dislike her regarding her appearance.

[Paragon]

Seconding what slc2 said. :yes:

[Tiempo]

Sorry, got to go with SLC on this one.

Who knows what life circumstances have led to this lady having no teeth and a smelly 'aura'

I once got a job working with the sweetest older gentleman you could ever know...he smelled so bad it was hard to be near him, turns out he was fighting stomach cancer, which caused the odor.

As for the teeth, I have sunk $600 into mine in the last 3 weeks, with another $1800 to go, just to fix 2 teeth.

I consider myself very fortunate that I can (barely) afford it, many can't through no fault of their own, at least this lady has a horse to love who doesn't judge her.

You sound young...talk to her...find out a little bit about her, you might be surprized.

[War Admiral]

I'm with SLC as well. Newsflash: my teeth are falling out, too. That's what happens when you don't have health/dental insurance. What part of that is hard to understand?

[Sithly]

Well bless your heart.

[MistyBlue]

Also with slc on this one...except for the menopause part...totally unrelated to the boarder with BO who could have odor issues from a host of things. But just an FYI for anyone who hasn't started the change yet...it doesn't make you stink if you don't take meds for it.
I'm in menopause now...I'm not taking anything for it...no HRT or any meds or supplements of any type. I don't stink...people may run away from me from tikme to time but it's not from any noxious smell. :winkgrin:

[Nezzy]

Maybe the annoying part of the post did not come out as it was meant. i meant that BESIDES the fact that she stinks, She just makes things worse. She makes her horse anxious, the BO leaves whenever she arrives, and i am stuck in a barn with her. it's kind of rude for me to just dismiss myself every time i see her, and i would like to be able to help her with her horse ( for the horses Sake). she just has no listening skills, she is constantly screeching at her horse, who is not moving a muscle, by the way, and there is no talking to her. it's all a one sided conversation.

i think if you can afford a horse, you can afford some soap, some deodorant. there is no reason to be dirty and smelly all the time. i am not complaining about her age, i just mentioned it so you can get a full visual. BASICALLY- i cannot escape this person, and i feel trapped. i don't want to ride with someone who makes her horse a nervous wreck, and i don't want to watch her /listen to her as she screeches at the poor animal. BUT for me to say, NO, i'll go my way, you go yours, would be rude. YES, i am complaining here, b/c i don't want to hurt her feelings. i thought maybe someone would have some insight to a solution. there are not many other boarders, so it's not like i can just buddy up with someone else and go off and leave her, and even that would be rude.

SO do i tell her how i feel, as nicely as possible, that i think she makes her own anxieties reflect in her horse, or do i keep my mouth shut and try to ignore her?

[Kate66]

I am in total agreement with SLC2 also.

When you say you are "blunt" it actually comes across as you are contemplating being rude, not blunt, there is a marked difference. What on earth would you say to her - "I'm sorry you stink"? It's like someone who said to me the other day "wow, your baby has a HUGE head" - was that blunt or rude? The answer was "yes, she has advanced hydrocephalus and is waiting for brain surgery". You have no clue what is going on in this woman's life, you know nothing about her nor her experiences with the horse. Do you think she doesn't realise that she doesn't have teeth or dentures? Maybe she doesn't care or maybe she is hideously conscious of it but can't afford it. Maybe she knows she has BO, maybe she is loud because she is nervous - either way, you saying anything would be horribly mean. You are also not the BO so it also none of your business how she treats her horse. If you have concerns then you can voice those to the BO and let her handle it.

On the holding her horse thing - my gelding tends to be a bit of a twit at shows, just gets hyper. A couple of years ago at a show a friend decided to hold him while I mounted. Normally at shows he would just prance a bit and I would swing up. My friend grabbed the reins as I mounted to keep him still, he flipped. Flipped right over backwards and on top of me. I was between 2 trailers and was about 3" from breaking my neck on one. If I had had any warning I would have told him not to touch the horse, I could handle him fine, I was used to what he did. After that, I absolutely would have decked you if I had told you not to hold my horse and you did. It is her horse, she knows what it does, all you know is what you have experienced with the horse going in and out of the stall and to the field, and from the sounds of things, not for very long either.

[Kate66]

Why do you have to buddy with her? Can't you ride on her own and let her ride on her own?

Do you know that she doesn't have a medical issue that makes her stink? No amount of soap or deodorant can get rid of that.

[Sithly]

Something tells me she won't be too keen to accept the help of a condescending know-it-all.

Honestly, if she bothers you so much, just leave and start your own barn, where you can carefully prescreen all potential boarders to make sure their hygiene is up to your standards.

[Nezzy]

Wow, i'll say one thing, whenever i think i will get some good ideas or support in a thread, i really get slammed down.

NO i have not been rude to her. That is why i came to the BB. BUT her annoying screeching might cause me to be rude. i am not out to hurt anyone's feelings. i was trying to explain that. But i have a low tolerance for stupidity and loud noises around horses.

I don't know how to avoid this person. As stated, her horse is not anxious and does not misbehave when she is gone. I, as a friend of the BO, have helped the BO lead some horses to turnout or to their stalls. this horse is an angel. UNTIL the owner gets there. if i had thought the horse would do anything, i would never have gone near her. the owner kept going around in circles trying to mount the horse, who was going in circles around the mounting block. it was not a situation that was working. I stepped over, i held the horse, and she got on. No sweaty horse, no bug eyes, no nothing. Just a rider who thinks screeching is better than light discipline, and a horse too smart for the rider at hand. it's none of my business until she falls off and gets hurt, and i don't want to be around when it happens.

[Kate66]

so - why do you have to buddy ride with her? Why can't you ride on your own and let her ride on her own and then you won't need to be around her screeching.

[Sithly]

it's none of my business

You're absolutely right.

[JoZ]

BUT her annoying screeching might cause me to be rude. i am not out to hurt anyone's feelings.

This is quite ridiculous. Nothing can "cause" you to be rude. It's a voluntary act.

it's none of my business until she falls off and gets hurt

It's none of your business even if and when she falls off and gets hurt. No one asked you to take responsibility for her.

[Nezzy]

so - why do you have to buddy ride with her? Why can't you ride on your own and let her ride on her own and then you won't need to be around her screeching.

B/c she WANTS to ride with me.

[Nezzy]

Alright forget i said anything, obviously you are all so perfectly bred that you would never talk down about anyone or think less of someone who Stinks all the time.

Since everyone here is so perfect and has no solutions for me, i'll just stop posting in this thread.

[Sithly]

Translation: I'm taking all my toys and going home.

---ETA---

Listen, crazy boarders are not loved here. The reason your post got the reception it did is because you came off as a judgemental and condescending. You spent more time complaining about the boarder's hygiene than her behavior. And the behavior you're describing is not that bad. Pretty much any public boarding barn will have its share of people who can't handle their horses. Before you get too high-and-mighty about it, consider the fact that more skilled riders might bitch about you behind your back and think you're the one who needs help for the sake of your poor horse.

Solutions are simple. Either avoid her or tell her nicely that you want alone time with your horse.

[meredithbarlow]

Wow, i'll say one thing, whenever i think i will get some good ideas or support in a thread, i really get slammed down.


You can't rant on this BB people mount their high horse and tell you what an idiot you are. Same thing happened to me a few months ago. I tried to rant about this terrible trainer (like you I didn't give any names) and got slammed by 50% of the posters, the other 50% were totally on my side. Sorry I seem to be the only one on your side.

[Nezzy]

Thank You Meridith. i guess the perfect people just need someone to yell at since they are too PC to do it at their barn.

[BuddyRoo]

Wow.

Look...I feel for you. Be it good, bad or indifferent, something(s) about this lady really turn you off. That's okay.

The thing is, you really DON'T have to expose yourself to it. If this person makes you uncomfortable (whether it be due to hygiene, attitude, or whatever else) then you don't have to be rude.....but when she wants to hang out with you, you can certainly say, "Gee thanks, but I really need to work on some things by myself today. Need to focus."

It doesn't hurt to be nice. Perhaps as you get to know her, the rest of the story will come out and your opinion might change. But it's OKAY not to want to hang out with certain people.

On the other hand....what you're describing sounds like a person who likely wants to take good care of their horse (obviously, they're at a nice facility). She may have other medical conditions going on that cause the BO/the teeth, etc. Like cancer.

So...while it may be unpleasant, I'd really suggest just distancing yourself graciously.

[CarouselPony]

Well said Buddyroo - well said.:yes:

[Dad Said Not To]

Going by the OP, it sounds like what "assistance" you've given (holding the horse while she mounted) was unsolicited and quite possibly unwanted. So don't offer assistance unasked. Don't step in to assist unless you're asked or the situation urgently warrants it (i.e., making sure rider is uninjured after a bad fall). If asked for assistance with training/schooling/what have you, simply say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable helping you with that. You may want to consider enlisting the services of a professional." There is nothing to prevent you from being civil other than your own decision that this woman is not worth the effort to be polite.

[MistyBlue]

Alright forget i said anything, obviously you are all so perfectly bred that you would never talk down about anyone or think less of someone who Stinks all the time.

It doesn't have anything to do with breeding...I think the point many were trying to make was there are different reasons some people may have a strong offensive odor...coujld be anything from a medical condition such as strong natural body odor or overactive sweat glands or severe halitosis to a a bad personal hygiene problem. And a personal hygiene issue can be caused by some mental illnesses also.
The point many seem to be making is to please not assume someone who smells strongly offensive is that way on purpose and to please not consider being rude to her about that because it may not be something she has control over.

[Dalfan]

i thought maybe someone would have some insight to a solution. there are not many other boarders, so it's not like i can just buddy up with someone else and go off and leave her, and even that would be rude.

Just try and be nice, if that is possible. Why do you think you are obligated to hang around and keep this person company? Are you there all day long? There's no reason you need to hang around her when she is there. Just do your own thing, and let her do hers.

SO do i tell her how i feel, as nicely as possible, that i think she makes her own anxieties reflect in her horse, or do i keep my mouth shut and try to ignore her?

No. You should mind your own business, unless she asks for help from you.

[Paragon]

I'm delighted that we horsepeople, who kick around a barn as often as possible, have such delicate sensibilities that a smelly person is OH NOES HORRIBLE. :)

[Jealoushe]

FYI -- some people are DEATHLY allergic to anything with a scent, like soap, shampoo and deodorant, thats why many business and hospitals have a NO SCENT POLICY NOW.

Some people like to be crazy cat people, not saying she is one, but if she has a lot of cats she may be used to the smell and not even notice it. Its really her problem, not yours and if she doesnt mind, nor should you. Its not as if you are sitting beside her on a plane ride to Tahiti.

Perhaps you think her horse is anxious when she is around because you are so determined to find something wrong with this boarder. Maybe what might be a step to the side you are looking at as an anxious jump away from the smelly owner. I think you should concentrate more on your own horse, you seem to be spending a lot of time examining this boarder.

[ddashaq]

B/c she WANTS to ride with me.

Here's a thought-- SAY NO.

I, too, agree that you should just stay away from her if she bothers you that much. The horse behaves when she is not around, which is when you have to handle him/her. Whatever happens the rest of the time is not your problem (nor your business) unless it is a blatantly abusive situation.

[BuddyRoo]

Really...there are separate issues here.

1) BO

2) name dropping old barn owner which is apparently "distasteful" at the current barn.

3) issues with horse--ie: she thinks there are some that you don't see

4) her wanting to ride w/ you

5) you not wanting to hang out w/ her and her seeming to want to.

They're separate.

1) BO--people have covered the possibilities. Frankly, there's not much anyone can do about this. So you pretty much have to get over it. And to anyone who says that it's acceptable to stink like cat urine--it's not. It's gross. But there are several medical conditions that can cause this (and tooth loss) concurrently--and the person may very well be aware of it and have no recourse. So I would have to dismiss this for now. Not enough info.

2) Name dropping--sounds like someone trying desperately to fit in/sound improtant. That's what some people do when they're uncomfortable. It's annoying, but it's common.

3) nobody's business. Unless she is putting others in harms way, she isn't committing any crimes here.

4) Graciously decline. Not your responsibility to baby sit.

5) Again...graciously decline.


You do not have to like every person you meet. But you can treat every person you meet with respect as long as they are respectful of you.

IT'S OKAY to not like other people if for no other reason than you just don't. But you don' t have to be rude. Be gracious. Karma points are hard to get and easy to lose. ;)

[goeslikestink]

nezzy - shes in your barn but so her horse shes cares

we all have to grow old and how we care of ourselves at an older age no one knows
as it to far in the future

you will just have to ignore her

[Kitari]

I just read through this and I have to say, i am not well bred or high and mighty. XD But here is my opinion on the matter.

I dont see what the problem is. I agree with others about the BO and the teeth, there are plenty of people who have problems and not everyone is made of money. If she has that but a well cared for horse, at least she is taking care of her animal rather than throwing he, she it into a craptastic situation and just fend for Numero Uno. At least she has some priorities like caring for the animal in her care, even if she shorts herself.

I also agree that most of your complain was about her hygiene overall. I mean shoot, your calling her names like Stinky, how low can you get to call someone who wishes to spend time with you and try and socialise "Stinky." While I know you must be really frustrated with the BO and such, it would be uncalled for to call her any kind of name, she has done nothing to desearve to be demeaned like that by you, yet you seem to be having a merry go at her.

Also, I am with the crowd about the grabbing the reins for her to mount. Be happy it were her and not say me, while I would not fly off the handle, I would not do anything until you released the reins, or depending on my mood, I would ask "What the h*ll do you think your doing?" grabbing the reins is also demeaning towards her. If you dont want to be with or near her then dont be, just tell her you dont like to ride with people, that you prefer your solitude and leave it at that.

Yes I do sometimes vent about my FB, but ya know, I dont demean them either.

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

just grin and count your blessings that she's in the same BARN as you, and not the same cubicle. I'm pretty sure it takes a pretttty classy broad to smell like roses after a good trip to the barn. Seriously, get over it. If you distance yourself from her, your precious reputation won't be tarnished.

[Aimee Thanatogenus]

do i keep my mouth shut and try to ignore her?

Yes.

Your post sounds like that of a 12 year old child. Grow up.:yes::yes::yes:

[chaltagor]

she may smell like cats because she rescues them and tries to find homes for them, the body odor may be because she can't afford all the fancy medications to ease her through menopause (typically about that age)

Way to slam people helping cats. The many people I know who rescue cats thank you for your ignorance and unkind words. And, misogynst much?

[Pony Person]

obviously you are all so perfectly bred that you would never talk down about anyone or think less of someone who Stinks all the time.
:eek::eek::eek:
Wow.
I agree with...pretty much everybody!

[fullmoon fever]

Well Princess, dentures and soap may "fix" this woman's "problems", so I guess she is much better off than you...nicer personality and class can't be bought.

[BeastieSlave]

Nezzy, if you really wanted help with how this person deals with her horse, why did you feel the need to mention her teeth, b.o., namedropping, etc.?

[EqLuvr]

Maybe this is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and who you really are.

There are a lot of wonderful people in the world who don't fit in with the norms of our materialistic and image-conscious society.

People are shunned and put down everyday for not fitting in based on essentially superficial reasons.

Why don't you make an effort to get to know who she is?

You might end up liking yourself more in the long run.

[slc2]

mysogynist? hardly. i'm a 'menopauser' too, and i can tell you, that every single person experiences it differently - just because one person had an easy time of it, doesn't mean everyone else does. some people have no problems, some people have slight problems. some people have problems that respond to herbs, others to medication - some have serious problems that respond to NOTHING, or they can't take the medications avaliable for various reasons. if one does sweat alot as a result of menopause, however, body odor can be a problem.

not everyone can afford medication to ease their way thru it. there's a gal at my office who goes home to shower at lunch - not all the deodorant, bathing in the world helps. she sweats very hard and a fan, light clothes and nothing else will stop it.

i know another gal having a very tough time with menopause - she does much the same - she has money, but she can't take any medications to ease her way thru menopause because she is a cancer survivor, and the doctor fears taking the medication for menopause would increase her risk of a cancer relapse.

the other possibility is that this woman yu can 'Stinky' has a difficult job that involves physical work - and she may not have time to freshen up before coming to the boarding barn. you may not have ever had a job that involves physical work, or been on a difficult schedule.

and, yes, actually, mouth odor can have dozens of sources - indigestion, ulcers, or a zillion other conditions the person can do little about. and yes, tooth loss can be something that has nothing to do with the person's own efforts to keep them.

congrats, nezzy, i've never met anyone as stubborn and nasty as you. despite hearing many opinions on this matter you refuse to listen to any other idea other than your own or take even one SECOND to consider the woman may not be your personal business to judge and cut down and look down your nose at.

some day you will learn, that it's not your bonded responsibility to decide who in the world has value, and who does not.

i feel sorry for someone in this mix - you.

[Sannois]

Start topics like this??:confused: Slc2 Nicely said in the second post! :no:

[kookicat]

Wow, you have a really nice attitude don't ya?

If it bothers you that much why not ask the BM to have a quiet word with her?

[Hilary]

Someday, Nezzy, you, too, will be old. And you may not be the lithe young attractive thing you are today, with the confidence around your horse that youth provides. I hope the young girls in the barn you board at when you are old are kind to you no matter what you look or smell, or sound like.

If you don't like this person, avoid her politely. It's not that hard, although people will begin to think you're stuck up.

[philosoraptor]

What does it say about you when you judge an entire person's worth on whether or not they can afford dentures? It's a big world out there. You're going to miss out on a lot of opportunities and friendships if you immediately loathe anyone who doesn't look like a pretty TV actress.

I see this not as a problem with her but rather as a problem with you. Besides it doesn't matter how much if it is "her fault", the reality is that you cannot change her. You can change YOU. Learn to tolerate it. Smelly people have just as much right to ride a horse as non-smelly ones.

Sorry to not be as sympathetic. I just know that sometimes in life you'll be trapped sitting to a "screechy" or "smelly" person at work or on a long plane right. Tune it out.

[SBT]

Foul behavior and a foul odor are really not acceptable anywhere except one's own home, or maybe the grocery store where you only encounter people in passing. ;) I'm firmly of the belief that the PERSON IN CHARGE, in this case the barn owner, should speak PRIVATELY to the boarder and address these issues as kindly as possible.

I think the OP makes a good (if politically incorrect) point that if this woman can afford a horse, she can afford to not be smelly in public, regardless of the cause of the smell. So we are not dealing with a socioeconomic issue here. We are not dealing with a mental issue, either; this woman "has it together" enough to navigate the world independently, which suggests that she is aware of social norms like controlling one's odor.

She may not be aware of her odor, though, especially since constant exposure to ammonia fumes (cat pee) really deadens the olfactory senses. She may also not be aware that bad-mouthing her former barn is not kosher. Ditto the "screeching" at her horse.

IMHO, this woman needs to be made aware of what is and what isn't appropriate behavior at the barn. That includes not offending others with personal odors. This may seem harsh, but it's the way of the world.

The BO could say something as simple as, "I know you have cats and they're messy sometimes, but we've been noticing an odor lately. I don't want to seem rude, but this is a public facility and everyone is expected to present themselves in a respectful and courteous way. I would appreciate your attention to this matter."

Coming from the BO and done in private, I think this is acceptable. It would NOT be acceptable coming from any of the boarders. So, to the OP, my advice would be to go to the BO and discuss this with her. Perhaps you could help her decide what to say.

Best-case scenario, the woman pays closer attention to her personal hygiene and behavior at the barn. Worst-case scenario, she gets offended and leaves (or is asked to leave for not following the "code of conduct" laid out by the BO). It's a win-win situation for the barn if the woman is confronted in a professional and confidential manner. :yes:

[jn4jenny]

Are the rest of you having a good time judging someone you've never met as if you are so much more holy and blameless? Sorry, but I'll skip that routine and move on to some actual advice, thanks.

Nezzy, the clincher for me in your story is that your BO isn't happy with the boarder either. If the BO isn't happy for ANY reason with a boarder, it's her prerogative to dismiss that boarder. And she need not give a reason, either. It's as simple as, "I'm sorry, but it's not working out. Please find other accommodations for your horse within X number of days." Frankly if someone were going to kick ME out of the barn, I would prefer this no-B.S. approach to some contrived reason that was designed to euphemize whatever the real reason was.

It isn't your job as a fellow boarder to get rid of the gal, but if the BO wants her gone and can't grow a pair big enough to actually kick her out, then the BO can't blame anyone but herself. The BO asked your advice about what to do about it, and that's the advice that I suggest you give.

[slc2]

LOL.

one of my favorite people is a 'smelly' old woman who lives in a nursing home, and is confined to a wheelchair.

I seriously doubt a barn manager is going to kick someone out of a barn for having body odor, even if she tells the OP that. Most act very, very sympathetic with the complaining boarder...and continue to collect the board check untl the person does something like - NOT PAY.

There is not a single person in the world that SOMEONE doesn't like. If people were kicked out of barns for annoying someone, everyone would need to buy rollerskates and 'slow moving vehicle' triangles for their horses. They'd be moving ALOT.

Nor would I totally believe the OP if she said the barn manager dislikes the boarder...with her attitude, she could be a little bit too eager to think that everyone else dislikes this gal too. IT's oart if her way of justifying looking down at this person. The old 'well, others are acting like an ass too, so it's alright for me to'.

in business, you can dislike someone a hell of a lot, and still need to keep them as a customer. I wish I had a nickle for every time a barn manager tittered or possiped, or schmoozed with another boarder - about some boarder behind their back, all the while, continuing to take their board check and smile at them to their face.

why a person might not take care of themselves (for a long time):

One of the commonest causes of poor hygeine is - grief and depression. If I saw an person who wasn't tending to her hygeine and seemed to be putting on some forced cheerfulness, I'd think 'depression', or 'grief', or both.

Usually, when I see someone not taking care of themselves, I know something is wrong in their life. I've been around enough to know that when people act unhappy, they are unhappy; it's as simple as that.

Some forms of depression can grind on for years, with the person just barely dragging themselves through their day, and barely getting the minimum done. Some depressions go on and on without a clear crisis and without any clear improvement. Not all respond to medication; but many people don't know they are depressed (one author described it as being 'numb' or 'anesthetized'), and many due to their upbringing, are very reluctant to seek help. Being open about depression and seeking help is actually fairly unusual, especially with older people.

how a person can feel when they realize how they could have helped someone in trouble:

I used to have a young friend at a barn, who constantly bitched about a student in her class. The girl was mopey, unpresponsive to friendly overtures, burst into tears at times at the slightest little thing, her clothes were out of style, she didn't wash enough, she 'is a dork' (awkward socially, i guess)...she was whistling a slightly different tune when she went to school one monday and found out the girl had committed suicide over the weekend after years of abuse from a relative.

the young lady who had complained about the girl was very, very quiet for several months at our barn, and losing her temper with her horse and flying off the handle at others at the barn. her most common phrase during that time was 'SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP', screamed at the top of her lungs.

finally after some months, she approached me and we had a long talk about why people kill themselves, and what people could do to help. she said that the thing that bothered her the most was that she could have done something about it, and instead, she snubbed the girl and gossiped about her. she said, 'i would of acted the same way if someone was hurting me'.

she was changing from being a kid who only thought about her tv, her classes, her friends, and her activities, to starting to think about other people, developing compassion for people who seemed different from her. she was growing up.

the girl became a volunteer in mental health and wound up going to college for a special education degree. it isn't necessary to do that to develop empathy for people....i know people who have found other ways for themselves, that fits in with their personality and other interests...they find a way, if they care.

some people can change, and develop empathy for their fellow human beings.

some can't.

[Beverley]

Foul behavior and a foul odor are really not acceptable anywhere except one's own home, or maybe the grocery store where you only encounter people in passing. ;) I'm firmly of the belief that the PERSON IN CHARGE, in this case the barn owner, should speak PRIVATELY to the boarder and address these issues as kindly as possible.

I think the OP makes a good (if politically incorrect) point that if this woman can afford a horse, she can afford to not be smelly in public, regardless of the cause of the smell. So we are not dealing with a socioeconomic issue here. We are not dealing with a mental issue, either; this woman "has it together" enough to navigate the world independently, which suggests that she is aware of social norms like controlling one's odor.

She may not be aware of her odor, though, especially since constant exposure to ammonia fumes (cat pee) really deadens the olfactory senses. She may also not be aware that bad-mouthing her former barn is not kosher. Ditto the "screeching" at her horse.

IMHO, this woman needs to be made aware of what is and what isn't appropriate behavior at the barn. That includes not offending others with personal odors. This may seem harsh, but it's the way of the world.


Well, you clearly don't have any first hand knowledge of mental illness, and yet that doesn't stop you from positing a long distance diagnosis!

But other than that, if we follow your line of reasoning, then none of us should ever leave home. My goodness, I might work up a sweat riding my horse on the trails on a hot day, or work up a sweat playing tennis or volleyball and subject someone to unpleasant odors! Or, gee, while at the barn, I might end up smelling like horse pee and/or horse manure if I have groomed a filthy horse or cleaned a few stalls! Heavens, I've been exposing non-horse people to horsey smells all these years, stopping at the grocery store on the way home from the barn!

As has been suggested, 'anybody' can avoid a person that offends them for whatever reason. When I encounter a 'stinky' person, whether at work or in some other public setting (including for example passing a homeless person on the street), I've found that I 'can' smile and hold my breath at the same time! If one has a friend with a bo problem, one can probably devise a polite, caring way to help them address the problem. If the person with the problem is not a friend and hasn't asked for help, then just butt out! Sheesh!

[sidepasser]

Nezzy:

1. You say the lady "screeches" at her horse and she "doesn't listen"..

have you thought that maybe she doesn't HEAR as well as she once did? Many older people and my Dad was one, yell or screech or talk loudly or talk alot because they cannot hear well but they don't realize it. My dad didn't until we forced him to go get a hearing test..well wadda ya know..he needed hearing aids (he was a veteran of 2 wars..his hearing was pretty much shot) and once he had them, no more yelling or talking over others.

Now how you test for that? mmmn, my sneaky way is to stand behind her and say her name in a normal tone of voice. Most folks will say something in response..if she doesn't respond, say it louder..eventually she will hear and turn around or respond. It is sneaky but seems to work and you can always ask her how her horse is doing. At least you will know whether she hears you or not. (others may have a better way, but it is somewhat rude to openly ask a person "have you had your hearing tested?"..but then again, they may not realize they are losing their hearing so may very well deny they have a problem.

2. Perhaps her screeching or talking loudly makes her horse nervous..perhaps you could gently suggest that she speak softly to the horse? Offer help, advice, in a nice way? Again she may not realize that her loudness is the reason her horse is tense.

3. BO - well now..mmm..me, I don't smell so nice today..I've been painting my riding arena and just came in to get some water and rest for a minute..I'm sure I'd be pretty offensive to most folks..but then again, after I finish painting I shall take a bath and discard sweaty clothes to the washer. Perhaps this lady has a job that makes her smell? Maybe she does physical, manual labor? At any rate I'd likely not say a word and just stand downwind..but then again, I'm like that and realize not everyone is the same with regards to hygiene, health, job status, or the like.

4. She did say thanks when you helped her even though she said she didn't need help. Now perhaps you don't know the whole story..maybe someone at the "other" barn tried to help her and ended up making her horse rear so she believes that anyone holding said horse will result in the same thing. You never know what has happened in a previous life. As far as talking down about the old Barn Owner..perhaps you can head that off by saying something like "well aren't you glad you have moved and no longer have to deal with that anymore?" and change the subject to something like "tack cleaning". Or you could just tell her straight that you don't feel comfortable discussing other barn owners and simply change the subject.

5. Teeth - Lord helpus (I think there was someone with that name here once?)..but my son has cost me a fortune this year for dental work - I got him out of braces, then it was time to fill cavities, then he needed a root canal and a cap..can you say 1800.? at one whack? I have dental insurance..pays a grand total per family of 1500. per year....well howdy, one procedure and that's shot. So I need dental work in the worst way..but I can't afford it because I am still paying for son's dental work (and he blew his knee out and that cost over 1,000 for my portion of the medical bills)..and everyone wants payment yesterday.

Maybe this lady can't afford dental work? I can't right now for myself, and my son has four wisdom teeth that have to come out by oral surgeon..another 1800. and only a fraction is covered by insurance. I do what I have to and I will get my teeth fixed when I am finished paying for his work. Perhaps this lady has no insurance..perhaps!! you could mention a free clinic..or a dentist that accepts credit..or in some manner help? Maybe she doesn't know things like that exist?

6. If you absolutely don't want to deal with said lady, tell her that you are busy and must tend to your horse and that you prefer to ride alone. Don't be mean, just matter of fact.
It may hurt her feelings but better that than to lead her on in some fashion.

If everyone ignores this lady..how do you think that will make her feel? How would it make you feel to be ignored by your barn mates or worse, talked about?

[Sundancer]

I remember when my mother went through menopause. Yes, she smelled a bit. I just hugged her and told her I loved her. Then she went through dementia and didn't know who I was.

Be patient with her. It's called COMPASSION! I am sorry you have so little for older people. And, yes, her teeth weren't the greatest. So what? Both of my grandparents had dentures and I loved them immensely!

As for her yelling, perhaps she has a hearing problem. My mom did that, too! Now I'm finding out that I'm talking louder than I should. It's from the hearing loss. We don't realize how loudly we are talking, while others do!

And, yes, the odor may be from her depression. Went through that, too, with my mom. Unless she has a caretaker that can help her with showering every day, she may not be doing that.

Have a little compassion for her. She may be living alone, on a fixed income, and depressed, and hard of hearing! Maybe you could help her out instead of posting snyde comments on a public forum?

Maybe you should try to see life from her viewpoint?

[slc2]

Why some people 'screech' at their horses:

Because they are afraid. I'd say the single reason most people shriek or 'screech' is due to fear. There are very few women who continue to ride into their fifth decade and remain totally free of nervousness or fear due to previous accidents. They are out there, but I'd say about 60-70% of women, certainly more than half, come into their fifth decade with some fear and nervousness. Those who don't are lucky, but I actually think it's not true of everyone that they remain as brave and worry free as when they were 16.

They may have been injured, or, as older persons, are starting to experience some vertigo, dizziness or loss of balance. Loss of balance and raising the voice are also typical of some inner ear problems.

Beverly, you are quite right. Body odor and neglect of hygeine is very often due to mental health issues. Most people like to take care of themselves and like to make a good impression on people. Even the most severely ill homeless people i work with have commented on their dress and hygeine and expressed their own disappointment at their failure to stay clean and well groomed.

It's especially unusual to see a woman neglect her hygeine, there are many different standards for appearance for women in america, but only one that i know of that admires body odor (:)).

I'd say depression is the commonest cause of poor hygeine, but other serious mental illnesses often cause poor hygeine. For example, a person with schizophrenia may not be able to plan and organize, or figure out when they need to bathe. Schizophrenia is a very serious brain disease and affects 'executive functions' like decision making and planning.

The description of the boarder, though, is quite typical. I'm imagining she could be depressed, from the description.

Years ago someone, not exactly jokingly, suggested we classify mental illness severity by observing how 'annoying' the person was to ordinary people in their own culture. he felt the more ill a person was, the more he would get picked on and teased, and the more he'd be viewed as 'annoying'.

Quite often, it is the ownership of a horse that helps people survive grief and depression. These people often force themselves to get moving and care for their horse - in fact, it may be the only thing they are able to do. The friendship with a horse - the unconditional love an animal provides, and the sameness and routine of riding can be very, very therapeutic.

[SBT]

Oh for pete's sake Beverley, I'm not saying nobody should EVER stink, Lord knows I do sometimes! :D When it's ALL the time, though, and upsetting to others in a small community like a boarding barn, I do think something should be said. As for your comment that I must not know anything about mental illnesses, 15 of my college credits are from psychology courses. ;)

There is a fine line between tolerance and enabling when it comes to self-destructive behavior. One thing that never helps is to ignore it completely. :yes:

[Eventer55]

Maybe this is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and who you really are.

There are a lot of wonderful people in the world who don't fit in with the norms of our materialistic and image-conscious society.

People are shunned and put down everyday for not fitting in based on essentially superficial reasons.

Why don't you make an effort to get to know who she is?

You might end up liking yourself more in the long run.



I couldn't have said it better. I'm the biggest snob I know and I'm obsessive about personal hygene, but my standards are usually for me only. Compassion is a good road to take. The "older" woman makes me sad and so does Nezzy. Maybe we'll see a post in a few months about two people very different in age and lifestyle that got together and now are helping eachother. The young one found compassion and the old one found a friend. . . well I can dream can't I:yes:

[2ndyrgal]

Passing a psych course is quite different from truly understanding actual people with mental illness (ask any nurse that is on an Alzheimer's unit or a pysch ward, been there). So she doesn't have teeth or perhaps she has dentures that don't fit and are painful and she figures, since most "horse people" are less about make up and tiny waists at the barn, that maybe, just maybe, this is the one place she can leave them at home and not worry about some little miss perfect having a go at her (horsepeople aren't judgmental are they???). Perhaps she smells like cats because she volunteers at a shelter or rescues cats. I for one, tend to get up in the morning, clean stalls, and ride, BEFORE I take a shower. So, by the time I get back in the house, I smell like horse, sweat, manure, and depending on the day, just yucky armpit like a football player on a two a day sweat. I've been known to jump in the car, go get cat food, shavings, whatever, straight from the barn, dirty nails and all. The people at the store still smile and take my money. Ever smell someone with a colostomy bag??? I don't care how well they take care of it, it still smells, though most wouldn't know what the smell was or why, they would just assume the person had poor hygiene, but they would be wrong. She may simply, not have had the upbringing or education on any level that you've had, but daily bathing, is actually a relatively new thing in the terms of polite society, don't believe me? Go to Europe and take public transportation sometime. If her is so bad it bothers you, put some vicks in your nose and get to know the person. Maybe a "welcome to the barn" gift basket with fancy soap and shampoo and a soothing CD for her to play in the car on her way to the barn. Ask if she needs help with anything (this is presuming that you are actually qualified to help). So she screeches at her horse, many people simply are anxious and some people have irritating voices. Better an irritating voice with nothing nasty to say, than a voice like honey that has nothing nice to say. To the OP, you would be better served to try to understand that not everyone will be smart, quiet, and unoffending to one's olfactory senses, than to grouse about someone that is "ruining your barn experience because they don't smell like Irish Spring". Minks, whose fur is highly prized, really really stink, and have high pitched, screechy voices. Snakes however, have no odor at all. And they're silent. Kind of makes you think doesn't it??

[BeastieSlave]

Minks, whose fur is highly prized, really really stink, and have high pitched, screechy voices. Snakes however, have no odor at all. And they're silent. Kind of makes you think doesn't it??

Love it! :yes:

[paw]

I tend to stink while at the barn because I have "barn clothes" which don't get washed every day. Maybe part of it is that she tends to the cats and then comes directly to the barn or wears the same clothes for all her "animal" dealings?

I'm with virtually everyone else. If you can't be nice (and no one is saying you have to), be polite but keep your distance. And/or change when you're at the barn so you don't have to see her.

[sidepasser]

Oh for pete's sake Beverley, I'm not saying nobody should EVER stink, Lord knows I do sometimes! :D When it's ALL the time, though, and upsetting to others in a small community like a boarding barn, I do think something should be said. As for your comment that I must not know anything about mental illnesses, 15 of my college credits are from psychology courses. ;)

There is a fine line between tolerance and enabling when it comes to self-destructive behavior. One thing that never helps is to ignore it completely. :yes:

Reading about it in books is totally different that experiencing or dealing with it in person. Unless you have personally dealt with mental illness or severe depression in others, it is the same as designing a building on CAD without having ever been on a job site..what works in THEORY doesn't necessarily translate into practice.

[danosaur]

well, not every boarding barn is the same. most aren't. I know someone that I do not want any of their opinions but they give them any way. they subtlely put down the BO, and the entire horse business whenever they get the chance, and love to give me their overly harsh "constructive criticism," which is unsolicited and not appreciated. And if they want to talk to me, they will obviously find a way to do so.
no, you probably will not be able to "escape" this woman. she will ride with you, and talk to you, and you may not be able to stand her, but you will deal with her, like I deal with my person. Just because I do not like this person doesn't mean the thought has crossed my mind to tell them not to talk to me, not to ride with me and I don't like how they handle their horse.
so, in short, deal with it.

[Paragon]

Really, what it comes down to is the barn owner. If she won't give this lady the boot, for whatever reason (which may be valid, may not), you need to deal with it or move your horse to another barn. There's just plain no reason for you to be unkind to her. The end.

[Beverley]

Oh for pete's sake Beverley, I'm not saying nobody should EVER stink, Lord knows I do sometimes! :D When it's ALL the time, though, and upsetting to others in a small community like a boarding barn, I do think something should be said. As for your comment that I must not know anything about mental illnesses, 15 of my college credits are from psychology courses. ;)

There is a fine line between tolerance and enabling when it comes to self-destructive behavior. One thing that never helps is to ignore it completely. :yes:

As has already been noted, college psych courses hardly qualify one for such 'diagnoses' as yours, and yours in particular demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge of mental illness.

Tolerance versus enabling is utterly irrelevant to this case, based on what we know from the OP, which may or may not be facts. What is completely relevant is basic good manners. As in, if you can't say something nice about somebody, don't say anything at all.:cool:

[Gray Horse H/J]

I'm with the majority here - grow up and be polite.

You don't have to like her. I don't like everyone I meet. I don't like some of my co-workers. But I'm polite to them. It's not that hard to do.

As for her smelling, you're at a barn. I can't imagine you can smell her from very far away, since barns, horses, barn cats, hay, etc. all have scents of their own. So just keep your distance. Is there any reason you need to be close enough to her to smell her?

As far as the horse being anxious around her, well, is that really your problem? You're not her baby-sitter. Let her mind her business and you mind yours. If the horse isn't in any danger with her, and she also isn't in any danger, then what the heck's the problem?

[meredithbarlow]

Someday, Nezzy, you, too, will be old. And you may not be the lithe young attractive thing you are today, with the confidence around your horse that youth provides.

I believe Nezzy is like 40... not an oldy, but she's no youngin either.

[FancyFree]

I think the OP makes a good (if politically incorrect) point that if this woman can afford a horse, she can afford to not be smelly in public, regardless of the cause of the smell. So we are not dealing with a socioeconomic issue here. We are not dealing with a mental issue, either; this woman "has it together" enough to navigate the world independently, which suggests that she is aware of social norms like controlling one's odor.



I can understand the OP's point as well. There's a woman at my stables who has three horses. That's $450 a month for each. Her teeth are literally rotting in her head. Some are black, some are missing. I just can't understand why someone with financial means wouldn't take care of their teeth.

I steer way clear of this woman. I'm sorry if that makes me unPC, but looking in that mass of rot when she speaks makes me queasy.

OP just give her the brush off. She'll get the message soon enough.

[TBROCKS]

Nezzy:

1. You say the lady "screeches" at her horse and she "doesn't listen"..

have you thought that maybe she doesn't HEAR as well as she once did? Many older people and my Dad was one, yell or screech or talk loudly or talk alot because they cannot hear well but they don't realize it. My dad didn't until we forced him to go get a hearing test..well wadda ya know..he needed hearing aids (he was a veteran of 2 wars..his hearing was pretty much shot) and once he had them, no more yelling or talking over others.



LOL, the OP said she was in her 50's, not closing in on 80!

[Paragon]

Right, because people don't ever have hearing problems before age 80....?

[Orn1218]

what?


sorry couldn't resist :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Sue from Auckland]

I can understand the OP's point as well. There's a woman at my stables who has three horses. That's $450 a month for each. Her teeth are literally rotting in her head. Some are black, some are missing. I just can't understand why someone with financial means wouldn't take care of their teeth.
I can - if I was paying $450 x 3 /month out of my income, there wouldn't be much after all the other essential outgoings (fuel to get to horses, roof over my head and basic utilities and food) to cover teeth, eyes, hearing. (And, as an aside, I am finding it harder to hear what people say, frequently have to ask them to repeat or enunciate more clearly - and have just turned 51). Yes, in the past I have come across people whose voice has jarred, whose actions have jarred for that matter - I really try to not let it get to me. I've a darn good idea that there are likely to be aspects of my personality, character, physical presence that may not gel with them. Hopefully they will be as tolerant of me as I try to be of them (and I probably stink too - horse clothes do not get washed every day and I'm not a great believer in chemical "enhancements").

[slc2]

psychologists are not specifically trained to deal with mental illness.

Psychology courses usually teach very little about mental illness, and many psychologists know very little about mental illness.

If psychologists make a conscious decision to learn about mental illness, they won't be taking the usual 'psychology' courses to do it in depth, though occasionally, psychology curricula offer some in formation on mental illness, it is usually very sketchy, and can lead psychologists to make some very bizarre conclusions about mental illnessm such as it being a 'choice' or something that can be corrected by 'motivating' the person or 'training' them.

meaning that they may apply their 'psychodynamic model' to mental illness; but mental illness is a family of medical conditions, caused by neurological problems in the brain. The brain issues can he seen on MRI's and PET scans. they are not a 'choice' and are not caused by 'motivation' or 'learning'.

Applying a 'psychodynamic' model to mental illness can be disatrous. A mentally ill person has trouble thinking and evaluating information. Things can see distorted and completely different from what the speaker may have intended.

A depressed person, when 'motivation', 'enabling' and 'cognitive' models are explained to them, they can wind up so much in despair that they can and have killed themselves. a schizophrenic friend of mine was told by a psychologist that his problems were due to how he was treated as a toddler by his parents. he promptly marched over to his father's house and announced that he was going to kill his father, whereas when a trained person spoke to him, he was able to remain calm.

No, being a psychologist or attending psychology classes doesn't guarantee that a person understands mental illness, or even, problems of daily living.

They may understand these things, or they may not. But psychology courses give a very, very partial view of mental health and illness. it's up to the person to seek more knowledge, and become effective at helping many kinds of people.

The most effective psychologists exhibit a tolerance and understanding for a wide range of behavior, rather than judging people, they seek to know the person, to understand them, and to help them reach their own goals.

This is chiefly what makes anyone an 'effective' person, SBT.

[Tiempo]

LOL, the OP said she was in her 50's, not closing in on 80!

:eek: I'm 43 and I've been completely deaf in one ear since an accident at 22.

I like to think I don't screech...but you can never tell with hearing loss.

My SO is hard of hearing due to artillery fire when he was in the Army and the Gulf War.

He certainly doesn't screech either, but who's to say how it might affect others?

[Fjordling]

my daughter is 10, unbeknownst (? is that a word) to us
she suffered ear infections that led to signifigant scarring & hearing loss, she is always loud and screachy, it is highly annoying, even when it's your own children, maybe especially when it's your own children. :D but, she also refuses any kind of hearing aide, sigh!

[HunterEqrider27]

I surely hope that you never have any issues in your life that cause you to smell anything less than a FRESH BLOOMED ROSE:rolleyes::rolleyes: Did it ever occur to you that maybe she wants to ride with you and she accepts your help because she actually thinks you might accept her and maybe your one of the few people who doesnt look down on her for her less than perfect physical appearance and not so fresh scent, you know maybe you should just be honest with her because it will probably save her from getting hurt later when someone that you have complained to goes and tells her how you really feel. You need to get over yourself.

[bird4416]

I can understand the OP's issue. We had someone working at the farm who never bathed. I couldn't stand to be near him as I felt nauseous. My husband tactfully inquired about his hygiene and he told hubby that the horses liked his smell and he wasn't planning on changing. He eventually moved on to other work somewhere else. I just avoided him or made sure I was upwind.

[deltawave]

The OP is apparently more concerned about the person's horse than the person herself. How very sad and typical of many...we care far more for animals than members of our own species. :no:

If the HORSE had bad teeth and smelled funny, no doubt a lot of folks would be up in arms screaming for a vet, etc...not thinking of ways to avoid the horse.

[Gruff Pastures]

I find it amusing that the OP is being royally slammed for being judgemental.

Every slammer here is being equally judgemental.

My 2 cents ---

1. Some people have very low standards when it comes to personal hygeine and that has nothing to do with mental illness or lack of finances.

2. Snakes let out a foul musky substance when you pick them up. It really stinks and does not wash off easily.

:cool::cool::cool:

[carolprudm]

I can understand the OP's point as well. There's a woman at my stables who has three horses. That's $450 a month for each. Her teeth are literally rotting in her head. Some are black, some are missing. I just can't understand why someone with financial means wouldn't take care of their teeth.

I steer way clear of this woman. I'm sorry if that makes me unPC, but looking in that mass of rot when she speaks makes me queasy.

OP just give her the brush off. She'll get the message soon enough.
Possibly she is terrified of the dentist, or the bill

[DopyDgz]

"i would like to be able to help her with her horse "

Sounds to me like she made it clear that she does not want your help.

MYOB.

[Appassionato]

"i would like to be able to help her with her horse "

Sounds to me like she made it clear that she does not want your help.

MYOB.

I disagree with this in that it seems to me the woman *might* be reaching out to the OP when asking to ride with her. Maybe it's that the woman doesn't want to be patronized as lesser...it's possible face to face the OP treats her more as an equal than others. It's surprising what body language can tell another person. I've dealt with people like this, and one thing I will hand to them is they have more guts as a person overall rather than a lack of self-awareness as some may think.

Nezzy, see this as an opportunity to help someone. She wants to ride with you, how about a quite stroll in the pasture or trail? Maybe the other boarders have come off as less friendly than you or simply aren't around when you two are (I beleive the latter was mentioned). When her horse acts out against the screeching, you can smile and take the higher road and pat your horse as you guys walk along. If she makes a comment such as, "Why is it your horse is so quiet and mine isn't?" or words to that effect, say something like, "I learned a long time ago that being quiet with the horse calms them." That might not be the best example , but can you see where the lady might have noticed a difference between the two horses, and might be receptive to help? Later things can still move forward when she asks what nice smell you might be wearing, etc. Gentle encouragement with this person would be better than treating her like a lesser citizen. And the difference between patronizing and the above advice is that you let her make a decision to improve with her horse rather than instructing her where she's wrong all the time. Make a point to show her what she's done well. :winkgrin:

[theoldgreymare]

Nezzy, the clincher for me in your story is that your BO isn't happy with the boarder either. If the BO isn't happy for ANY reason with a boarder, it's her prerogative to dismiss that boarder. And she need not give a reason, either. It's as simple as, "I'm sorry, but it's not working out. Please find other accommodations for your horse within X number of days." Frankly if someone were going to kick ME out of the barn, I would prefer this no-B.S. approach to some contrived reason that was designed to euphemize whatever the real reason was.


Why should the BO give her the boot....because she doesn't fit in to other's standards? I don't think body odor, hearing loss, screechy voice and bad teeth are violations of a boarding contract (at least not any that I have ever seen).

My grandmother used to say "There but for the grace of God go I". Maybe the OP can remember this and deal with this woman in a more kindly frame of mind.

[moonriverfarm]

How about you go to a really nice spa store and buy her a nice big basket full of smell-good items - lotions, soaps, hand creme, mints, a loofah.....a pretty basket which can be a gift from you, or the barn, or whatever. Tell her to have a great week and welcome!

[EqLuvr]

How about you go to a really nice spa store and buy her a nice big basket full of smell-good items - lotions, soaps, hand creme, mints, a loofah.....a pretty basket which can be a gift from you, or the barn, or whatever. Tell her to have a great week and welcome!

That sounds sweet.

Truly, I think this is Nezzy's chance to learn more about who Nezzy really is.

That's usually the case when people we don't care for come into our lives. As frustrating as they may be.

[mp]

How about you go to a really nice spa store and buy her a nice big basket full of smell-good items - lotions, soaps, hand creme, mints, a loofah.....a pretty basket which can be a gift from you, or the barn, or whatever. Tell her to have a great week and welcome!

It would be a lot simpler to smear the inside of your nose with Vicks Vaporub. I've heard it keeps stallions from smelling mares in heat.

But if I were you, I'd just avoid her unless she asked me for help. Trying to help someone who doesn't want help is a losing proposition, no matter what her personal or dental hygiene may be.

To all who are think the OP is a heartless bitch: You can call me one, too. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time with someone who looked, sounded and smelled like that. And you'd probably avoid her, too. You just wouldn't post about it on a BB.

[Slewdledo]

How does Nezzy know that Nezzy doesn't smell? You can't smell yourself.

One of my best friends is a barn manager - she has a bunch of cats and smells like them. She's missing teeth, has warts and thinning hair, smells like BO. I love her to death. You can't fit people into your image of how you'd like them to be.

[drmgncolor]

How does Nezzy know that Nezzy doesn't smell? You can't smell yourself.

umm, I don't agree. I can certainly tell when I am a little less than fresh...

[mp]

How does Nezzy know that Nezzy doesn't smell? You can't smell yourself.

One of my best friends is a barn manager - she has a bunch of cats and smells like them. She's missing teeth, has warts and thinning hair, smells like BO.

How do you know it's not you?

Just for the record, I know when I smell bad. ;)

[ExJumper]

ok, i try to be nice about people, but here is m first impression upon meeting the new Boarder. She is older, about 55 or up ( not really an issue, just a description). She has NO TEETH. no dentures. She stinks like Body odor and Cat urine. AND her horse is the cutest sweetest thing, and when she is not here, the horse is calm and i love her. when the woman is here, the horse is anxious, won't behave for her. She said "don't help me get on, b/c she'll Rear." So, i grab the reins, anyway, and the woman gets on with help of a mounting block.. she says, "Oh. Thanks." ( no indication of rearing, but i would not have blamed the horse one bit)

i did not tell her i was only doing it to save the horse from having to hear her screechy voice. oh, forgot to mention that one. She came from a local barn that is sort of a laughing stock around the area, and the woman is spouting off about The other BO says this and the other BO says that, Blah blah...

the BO and i are friends and she says to me, " what do i do, now?" she said on the phone, the woman sounded normal, seemed nice, etc.. and then she met her. the BO had put a notice in the paper, so the woman knew there were stalls. so now we have a big mouth idiot in the barn who is sort of mean to her horse, b/c she thinks the horse does not behave. But she is good for anyone else, i mean leading to and from stall to turnout, standing in isle patiently. i feel horrible for that horse, and i want to help the horse, but i can't deal with Stinky. What do you all suggest? i am a blunt person, i don't hide my feelings well, and i will probably see this woman a lot at the barn. i want to be nice, but i have a feeling i will not come off nice.

Just in case the OP suddenly...disappears ;)

Maybe the annoying part of the post did not come out as it was meant. i meant that BESIDES the fact that she stinks, She just makes things worse. She makes her horse anxious, the BO leaves whenever she arrives, and i am stuck in a barn with her. it's kind of rude for me to just dismiss myself every time i see her, and i would like to be able to help her with her horse ( for the horses Sake). she just has no listening skills, she is constantly screeching at her horse, who is not moving a muscle, by the way, and there is no talking to her. it's all a one sided conversation.

i think if you can afford a horse, you can afford some soap, some deodorant. there is no reason to be dirty and smelly all the time. i am not complaining about her age, i just mentioned it so you can get a full visual. BASICALLY- i cannot escape this person, and i feel trapped. i don't want to ride with someone who makes her horse a nervous wreck, and i don't want to watch her /listen to her as she screeches at the poor animal. BUT for me to say, NO, i'll go my way, you go yours, would be rude. YES, i am complaining here, b/c i don't want to hurt her feelings. i thought maybe someone would have some insight to a solution. there are not many other boarders, so it's not like i can just buddy up with someone else and go off and leave her, and even that would be rude.

SO do i tell her how i feel, as nicely as possible, that i think she makes her own anxieties reflect in her horse, or do i keep my mouth shut and try to ignore her?

We complain about people who have their horses living in filth and starving when the owners are doing quite well for themselves. Maybe she is going through hard times and her horse is higher on her priority list than other things in her life.

You should keep your mouth shut and try to ignore her.

Wow, i'll say one thing, whenever i think i will get some good ideas or support in a thread, i really get slammed down.

NO i have not been rude to her. That is why i came to the BB. BUT her annoying screeching might cause me to be rude. i am not out to hurt anyone's feelings. i was trying to explain that. But i have a low tolerance for stupidity and loud noises around horses.

I don't know how to avoid this person. As stated, her horse is not anxious and does not misbehave when she is gone. I, as a friend of the BO, have helped the BO lead some horses to turnout or to their stalls. this horse is an angel. UNTIL the owner gets there. if i had thought the horse would do anything, i would never have gone near her. the owner kept going around in circles trying to mount the horse, who was going in circles around the mounting block. it was not a situation that was working. I stepped over, i held the horse, and she got on. No sweaty horse, no bug eyes, no nothing. Just a rider who thinks screeching is better than light discipline, and a horse too smart for the rider at hand. it's none of my business until she falls off and gets hurt, and i don't want to be around when it happens.

Actually, it's none of your business if she falls off and gets hurt, either. Nothing she does is ANY of your business unless she is directly hurting YOUR horse.

B/c she WANTS to ride with me.

And you can smell her across the arena? Just avoid her, and if you find yourself sharing the same rectangle of dirt for 30 minutes, wear an iPod or something. She'll get the hint pretty quickly, and you won't have to listen to her offensive screeching.

Alright forget i said anything, obviously you are all so perfectly bred that you would never talk down about anyone or think less of someone who Stinks all the time.

Since everyone here is so perfect and has no solutions for me, i'll just stop posting in this thread.

People have had a great solution! And most all of us agree! Ignore the lady. Don't talk to her unless answering a direct question. Wear headphones. Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Why should you care if she can't mount her horse?

Thank You Meridith. i guess the perfect people just need someone to yell at since they are too PC to do it at their barn.

You're in your 40's? You really do sound like a pre-teen.

[FancyFree]

It would be a lot simpler to smear the inside of your nose with Vicks Vaporub. I've heard it keeps stallions from smelling mares in heat.

But if I were you, I'd just avoid her unless she asked me for help. Trying to help someone who doesn't want help is a losing proposition, no matter what her personal or dental hygiene may be.

To all who are think the OP is a heartless bitch: You can call me one, too. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time with someone who looked, sounded and smelled like that. And you'd probably avoid her, too. You just wouldn't post about it on a BB.


Eh, I guess I'm a heartless bitch too. I'd sell one of my three horses to get my rotting, stinky teeth fixed. But that's just me. ;)

Just ignore the lady Nezzy.

[rhymeswithfizz]

Just some more food for thought; my mother in law lost her sense of smell when she went through menopause in her 50's.

I am appalled to think that it is even being considered to kick this woman out of the barn for reasons as petty as this. It is just sad, and equates in my mind to judging a person for their weight problem, or physical disability, or mental challenges. Grow up and open your mind.

[PaddyUK]

just be polite i.e. say good morning, evening or whatever.

And leave it at that.

You do your thing, let the other lady alone to do hers.

If she wants to hack with you, just say that your horse becomes silly in company, and due to this you prefer, for safetys sake to hack/work alone.

Neither she nor her horse are your problem or even concern.

If any action is required then surely it is up to the BO.

Paddy

[mp]

I am appalled to think that it is even being considered to kick this woman out of the barn for reasons as petty as this. It is just sad, and equates in my mind to judging a person for their weight problem, or physical disability, or mental challenges.

Here's an idea: I'll form a Heartless Bitch/Sensitive Nose clique and you form a Big Heart/No Sense of Smell clique. :lol:

Most body odor problems are easily resolved by the offender with better/more frequent hygiene. Very few are caused by medical problems. Mental or physical disabilities and obesity not so much. They're hardly in the same class as someone who could solve her problem with deodorant and soap.

Grow up and open your mind.

but keep those nostrils closed. :yes:

[Red Barn]

I've read that Ghandi had very bad breath. And judging by photos, I'd venture to say that Mother Teresa's habit wasn't always as springtime fresh as Martha Stewart might like.

Not saying your co-boarder is necessarily a saint - just that I'm glad there are people in the world whose value systems have evolved a bit further than the middle class, consumerist notion that prettyness and virtue are one and the same.

[rhymeswithfizz]

Most body odor problems are easily resolved by the offender with better/more frequent hygiene. Very few are caused by medical problems. Mental or physical disabilities and obesity not so much. They're hardly in the same class as someone who could solve her problem with deodorant and soap.



Key word here - MOST. ;) Being that the OP doesn't know this woman or anything about the issues that may have led to her "stinkiness", perhaps there are medical conditions (cancer or ulcers), physical problems (perhaps lacking a sense of smell, hearing loss), or even mental challenges, I still stand by my opinion that it is woefully harsh to consider throwing her out of the barn for reasons that she may or may not be able to control. There could be numerous underlying issues of which the hygiene, teeth, "screeching" etc. are only the symptoms.

Hey, I dislike sitting next to the person with horrid BO on the plane just as much as the next person, but it doesn't mean I would consider that they should be thrown off the plane.

Actually, Red Barn said it better than me! :)

[riverbell93]

To the OP - I have met my share of odd people and I don't believe I have a duty to become pals with them. Many people who strike you as unbearable are, in truth, unbearable. Your fellow boarder may be nuts, or weird or unstable - or normal. I can't tell from, possibly you don't know either. In any case, you don't have to be friends with her. You don't even have to be polite to her, though I'd recommend it. But if you come onto an internet forum and use her lack of teeth as the big reason why she's a freak, you're going to catch flack. There are a lot of people with dental problems out there. I really, really hate the 'toothless hillbilly' stereotype - it's pure viciousness in a country where life-or-death health care is unaffordable, let alone a 'cosmetic' health issue like dental care.

[Paragon]

To all who are think the OP is a heartless bitch: You can call me one, too. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend time with someone who looked, sounded and smelled like that. And you'd probably avoid her, too. You just wouldn't post about it on a BB.

That's the difference. I wouldn't post about it on a message board, using such ugly, derrogatory terms, and become so irritated when people called me on my rudeness. It just makes a person look like a jerk.

And I'm pretty sure that most people have simply been saying "Avoid her", making your opinion part of the majority. :)

[mp]

Actually, Red Barn said it better than me! :)

Actually, I laughed out loud when I read Red Barn's post. Mother Teresa and Gandhi lived in India where, by our -- oops, I mean MY -- middle class, consumerist, can't see the inner beauty for the outer pong values, just about every thing and every body stink to high heaven.

With slc's musings on smelly menopausal, cat-rescuing women, I was sure this thread couldn't get much more absurd. But it just keeps reaching new heights.

riverbell -- replacing missing teeth does improve a person's appearance. But it also deters bone loss in the jaw, so the health effect goes beyond cosmetic. And, yes, it is a darned shame that this person can afford a horse, but not dental care. :p

I wouldn't post about it on a message board, using such ugly, derrogatory terms, and become so irritated when people called me on my rudeness. It just makes a person look like a jerk.

As opposed to just *thinking* the stinky boarder is a PITA and no one actually *knowing* you're a jerk. Gotcha. :lol:

Honestly, I don't think the OP is a jerk. Clueless, yes. Jerk, no. ;)

[Paragon]

As opposed to just *thinking* the stinky boarder is a PITA and no one actually *knowing* you're a jerk. Gotcha. :lol:

What can I say? I was born and raised in Minnesota. We know a fair bit about passive-aggressive decorum. As much as I appreciate the honesty that I get here in Ohio, I sure wish people would find a way to not be so damned rude about it. :)

Frankly, doing exactly what you said is what keeps the world spinning. If I dwelled on the things I didn't like about my husband, he wouldn't be my husband. And if I worried so much about the jerky things my friends have done, I'd be awfully lonely. High standards be damned, I like people too much! :lol: And 'people' just don't like being around caustic individuals who always air their grievances.

Wow, I've wandered beyond the scope of this post. I'll stop now. :D

[Red Barn]

And racism is such a lovely quality, too, mp!

Bless your little heart.

[Gruff Pastures]

Yanno, the only way this thread could possibly get any better is if the Odiferous Boarder came on and told her side. It's happened before.:)

[mp]

And racism is such a lovely quality, too!

Bless your little heart.

I just KNEW this could get more ridiculous! :lol: Big fat blessings on your little self, too.

Paragon, the older I get, the more I'm convinced that love is all about tolerance and keeping your mouth shut at crucial times. :yes:

And that's my cue to STHU. :D

[asb2517]

As much as I appreciate the honesty that I get here in Ohio, I sure wish people would find a way to not be so damned rude about it. :)


Okay...now MY feelings are hurt! What are you saying?? People in Ohio are rude?? Well if that isn't the dumbest thing I've ever heard...you must be a complete IDIOT!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Sorry - both my Ohio and my hill billy are showing! :lol:

I mean really people, if the woman smells she smells. The OP should just avoid her if it bothers her so much. Usually people get the point you don't want to talk to them if you pointedly avoid them. Sure it's not nice, but it beats saying, "Gee, you stink! Go away!"

I think most of you here are being a little harsh to the OP. How many of you would REALLY go out of your way to interact with this supposedly smelly, annoying person? You might get on a BB and spout off about how she can't help it, etc. But when it comes down to it, if you have a choice between riding with a smelly person who you obviously don't want to take the time to get to know well enough to find out if they have some mysterious health problem causing their smelliness or not interacting with said smelly person - which do you REALLY choose??

I think everyone should get off their high horses and think about how they would REALLY act, and not how they want people to THINK they would act! :winkgrin:

[Coreene]

There used to be a tiny ad running in COTH for a t-shrt that said:

BRITCHES
DITCHES
BITCHES

;)

[ExJumper]

As far as I can tell, most people are NOT telling her to interact with this woman. (A few of you are, but you're better souls than I am. I would just avoid her.)

Most of us are telling her to ignore the woman and go about her own business.

I think the part that is offending people and making the OP look like a jerk is that the OP thinks that because she (the OP) is offended by this woman's smell, appearance, and behavior, that she (the OP) can't be held responsible for anything rude that she (the OP) might do to the other woman. And of course, that she (the OP) thinks that the the woman should be kicked out of the barn, where from what we know, she is paying her bills on time and making sure her horse gets to the vet, farrier, etc.

Oh, and let's not forget that the OP is so tight with the BO that not only does she (the OP) help turn horses out and in sometimes, but that she (the OP) actually has some sort of say in why and how the BO can kick people out of a barn for being smelly and annoying.

THAT'S the part that people are annoyed about. Why can't the OP just ignore the woman and mind her own business like 99.9% of us do in the real world when we don't like someone.

[Aristeia]

Just try to avoid her. If she talks to you, smile and be polite, usually people can tell if you don't want to be around them or will catch on after a while. Not everyone is going to like each other. As for the body odour, I have been in the presence of some really smelly people. To the point where I felt like I was going to vomit, they were really that bad. So I guess I know where you are comming from.

[chaltagor]

I've read that Ghandi had very bad breath.

Who? You mean Gandhi? The old Indian lawyer that used to sleep naked with several young naked women in his bed?

You're right, MP. Apparently it's totally fine to ignorantly and wrongly insult anyone who rescues or owns cats (and have almost everyone in this thread agreeing with you), but don't you dare say people who live in a hot climate who don't consider buying deodorant a high priority may have body odor. :rolleyes: Whackos.

[asb2517]

As for the body odour, I have been in the presence of some really smelly people. To the point where I felt like I was going to vomit, they were really that bad. So I guess I know where you are comming from.

And what did you do? Did you invite them over to supper or did you avoid them?? Did you say, "Hey Smelly, ever hear of soap??" or did you avoid them? My bet is you avoided them same as most people. The OP wanted suggestions on what to do. I think the best suggestion is AVOID her and leave her alone. And unless being smelly and annoying is breaking some bizarre barn rule, she shouldn't be thrown out of the barn!

[goeslikestink]

its imposiable to like everyone and everyone one to like to like someone

if we were all the same then we would all stink-----------


how many times do we come in with smelly feet from yard
i bet all of us do --

[westernBarbie]

As far as I can tell, most people are NOT telling her to interact with this woman. (A few of you are, but you're better souls than I am. I would just avoid her.)

Most of us are telling her to ignore the woman and go about her own business.

I think the part that is offending people and making the OP look like a jerk is that the OP thinks that because she (the OP) is offended by this woman's smell, appearance, and behavior, that she (the OP) can't be held responsible for anything rude that she (the OP) might do to the other woman. And of course, that she (the OP) thinks that the the woman should be kicked out of the barn, where from what we know, she is paying her bills on time and making sure her horse gets to the vet, farrier, etc.

Oh, and let's not forget that the OP is so tight with the BO that not only does she (the OP) help turn horses out and in sometimes, but that she (the OP) actually has some sort of say in why and how the BO can kick people out of a barn for being smelly and annoying.

THAT'S the part that people are annoyed about. Why can't the OP just ignore the woman and mind her own business like 99.9% of us do in the real world when we don't like someone.

Wow, but you can't ignore the OP and mind YOUR own business, can you? You got your 2 cents in. I would be willing to bet all of you self rightous people would feel the exact same way if this boarder came to your barn. OH, you NEVER whisper about another boarder doing something stupid or acting in a way you did not like. To those judging the OP, i think you are a bunch of hypocrites. i think Everyone, myself included, has gossiped at the barn. the OP said the worst part was the behavior of the woman, but the physical description was to give you an idea of what she was dealing with. IF someone follows you around and has an annoying voice, they are driving you crazy, and they won't leave you alone, how is it that it is acceptable to 'AVOID' this person, yet talking about her on a BB is wrong? Avoiding this person is acceptable? so how do you do that? ignore her? tel her to go away?

[Aristeia]

And what did you do? Did you invite them over to supper or did you avoid them?? Did you say, "Hey Smelly, ever hear of soap??" or did you avoid them? My bet is you avoided them same as most people. The OP wanted suggestions on what to do. I think the best suggestion is AVOID her and leave her alone. And unless being smelly and annoying is breaking some bizarre barn rule, she shouldn't be thrown out of the barn!

It was at work. So no I didn't avoid them, I didn't treat them any differently than I did anyone else. There was no need to be snarky in that post (which is what it came off as). She doesn't have to make friends with the person. And owning multiple cats is no excuse to smell, I work at a vet clinic and we have a couple of cat collectors and I haven't noticed offensive odours on any of them.

[harvestmoon]

Wow, but you can't ignore the OP and mind YOUR own business, can you?

Mind our own business? :lol: She posted on a public BB, asking for advice.

[ExJumper]

Wow, but you can't ignore the OP and mind YOUR own business, can you? You got your 2 cents in. I would be willing to bet all of you self rightous people would feel the exact same way if this boarder came to your barn. OH, you NEVER whisper about another boarder doing something stupid or acting in a way you did not like. To those judging the OP, i think you are a bunch of hypocrites. i think Everyone, myself included, has gossiped at the barn. the OP said the worst part was the behavior of the woman, but the physical description was to give you an idea of what she was dealing with. IF someone follows you around and has an annoying voice, they are driving you crazy, and they won't leave you alone, how is it that it is acceptable to 'AVOID' this person, yet talking about her on a BB is wrong? Avoiding this person is acceptable? so how do you do that? ignore her? tel her to go away?

Are you equating "gossip" with "kicking someone out of a boarding barn?" 'Cause in my mind they're different. I gossip like hell at the barn. Not proud, but I do.

And as for the woman's behavior, I don't see anything abusive in that. There are a lot of people who have horses that don't ride them well. That can't handle them well. That make them nervous with their inexperience. Nowhere does it say that this woman is dangerous. She just can't ride very well or deal with her horse very well. I know a LOT of people like that at my boarding barn. I'm not running all over the place trying to get them kicked out. The pro who rides my horse in the pre greens rides him better than I do. Should I not ride him at all then, since she's better at it than I am?

I suggested headphones. I think that's a good way to ignore people.

And as for ignoring the OP and minding my own business, she posted a thread. Clearly she wanted me to NOT ignore her and mind my own business. Just because she isn't getting the response she wanted doesn't make the responses wrong.

I'm not telling her to invite the woman over for dinner. I'm merely suggesting that she not go out of her way to get the woman KICKED OUT OF THE BARN.

Kind of a crowbar separation there.

[westernBarbie]

well you all are being judgemental about someone being judgemental. isn't that ironic? I did not read it that the OP is getting the woman kicked out. I read it as the OP would like to see it happen, b/c she is uncomfortable with the situation. That does not make it right, but at least she has the decency to be honest and to come here with the question. she repeatedly says she has not yet been rude to this woman, so she came here to discuss it. yet you put her down for gossiping when you are probably guilty of the same thing. Advice is one thing, but you are just being judgemental, like the OP. So in my mind, you are no better, hypocrite.

[riverbell93]

riverbell -- replacing missing teeth does improve a person's appearance. But it also deters bone loss in the jaw, so the health effect goes beyond cosmetic. And, yes, it is a darned shame that this person can afford a horse, but not dental care.

Yes, I'm aware of the health aspects of dentistry. My point was that dentistry is treated like a cosmetic issue by the two groups that determine whether or not any given person can afford to see a doctor or dentist - the
insurance industry and the government.

[Paragon]

well you all are being judgemental about someone being judgemental. isn't that ironic? I did not read it that the OP is getting the woman kicked out. I read it as the OP would like to see it happen, b/c she is uncomfortable with the situation. <blah blah blah>

I love that you joined the board just to complain about people on this board. So glad you came over to this thread, too. Gold star.

[ExJumper]

I love that you joined the board just to complain. Gold star.

No, didn't you see the thread she started with her very first post!! It's AWESOME!!! And not at all judgmental.

[ExJumper]

well you all are being judgemental about someone being judgemental. isn't that ironic? I did not read it that the OP is getting the woman kicked out. I read it as the OP would like to see it happen, b/c she is uncomfortable with the situation. That does not make it right, but at least she has the decency to be honest and to come here with the question. she repeatedly says she has not yet been rude to this woman, so she came here to discuss it. yet you put her down for gossiping when you are probably guilty of the same thing. Advice is one thing, but you are just being judgemental, like the OP. So in my mind, you are no better, hypocrite.

Wait a minute while I put on my headphones...

[harvestmoon]

well you all are being judgemental about someone being judgemental. isn't that ironic? I did not read it that the OP is getting the woman kicked out. I read it as the OP would like to see it happen, b/c she is uncomfortable with the situation. That does not make it right, but at least she has the decency to be honest and to come here with the question. she repeatedly says she has not yet been rude to this woman, so she came here to discuss it. yet you put her down for gossiping when you are probably guilty of the same thing. Advice is one thing, but you are just being judgemental, like the OP. So in my mind, you are no better, hypocrite.

But, it's okay for *you* to be snarky and judgmental? Hmm. Okay. ;)

To the OP. Again, just smile, say hello, and stand downwind (if the smell is really that nauseating). No need to be rude, but no need to be overly friendly, either. She'll get the idea eventually.

[Paragon]

I stealth-edited as you were replying. ;) Sorry, ExJ!

[rhymeswithfizz]

I'm not telling her to invite the woman over for dinner. I'm merely suggesting that she not go out of her way to get the woman KICKED OUT OF THE BARN.

Kind of a crowbar separation there.


Ditto.

Oh, Gruff Pastures - "Odiferous Boarder" made me laugh out loud!! What a great word. :)

[jn4jenny]

Why should the BO give her the boot....because she doesn't fit in to other's standards? I don't think body odor, hearing loss, screechy voice and bad teeth are violations of a boarding contract (at least not any that I have ever seen).

My grandmother used to say "There but for the grace of God go I". Maybe the OP can remember this and deal with this woman in a more kindly frame of mind.

Who said there was a contract? And even if there was, I have known PLENTY of folks who kicked boarders out of their barn for reasons that the rest of us don't completely understand or find acceptable. I know people who have kicked out boarders because they're "just generally annoying." I'm not saying that I approve of that, but it's a fact that unless the contract specifically states otherwise, BO's can kick out whomever they like for whatever reason they like provided they give the amount of notice stipulated in the contract (if there is one).

Again, I am not condoning Nezzy's opinions, but I'm also not condemning them. I have better things to do than stroll around the internet judging people. She has every right to her opinion in the situation just like the rest of you have a right to express your contrary opinions. So does Nezzy's BO, who has rather clearly expressed to Nezzy that she'd like the boarder out for whatever reason, and I offered advice accordingly.

[arabhorse2]

As Eric Cartman said, "Dude, it's called deodorant! It's not expensive!"

Sorry, just had to get that out of my system..... :lol: :lol:

I've been on the management end of having to speak with someone about their unpleasant odors, and it can be quite embarrassing for everyone involved. :no:

As myriad others have said, just avoid her if possible, if she nauseates you. Her horse is hers, and not your responsibility.

Some people reek; it's the way of the world. I just stay out of their breathing space, and mind my own business.

[ExJumper]

I stealth-edited as you were replying. ;) Sorry, ExJ!

No problem!


(Stinky old fart...)


;)

[Camstock]

I think I partially understand the OP because I have moments of being really annoyed by smells and sounds (quality of voice is a key one for me, so I get the screeching aversion). I'm wired tight, for better or for worse. I understand the difficult, albeit ugly, struggle the OP is waging with herself.

The good news is that I have masterful people around me who have shown me how to be tolerant when my teeth are absolutely set on edge. They've never said a word to me directly about it, but have modeled for me and others, such class that I am stunned by the magnitude of their grace and the ease with which they flow through life.

What they do: Be polite. Smile kindly. Keep moving if they don't want to get personally involved. Help when asked. Do not help when not asked. Simple and surprisingly easy.

Mantra for me when people are handling their horses in a way different than what I think is ideal (unless it crosses the line to abuse at which point I step firmly in): Be the change you want to see. Model good horse handling. Quietly.

Works for me, might for you. All the best to you.

[westernBarbie]

I love that you joined the board just to complain about people on this board. So glad you came over to this thread, too. Gold star.

How sweet of you to remember me.

[ExJumper]

How sweet of you to remember me.

Don't worry. No one remembered you. We just clicked on your name and saw your previous posts.

:)

[Tory Relic]

Don't worry. No one remembered you. We just clicked on your name and saw your previous posts.

:)

And found another soap opera to read about! :lol::lol::lol:

[Little Indian]

it's not like i can just buddy up with someone else and go off and leave her, and even that would be rude.

SO do i tell her how i feel, as nicely as possible, that i think she makes her own anxieties reflect in her horse, or do i keep my mouth shut and try to ignore her?


Is it possible that she is doing the same thing with you? Maybe she does want to be left alone and enjoy her horse without any commentary from you. I wouldn't say a thing. I'd ride your horse, groom your horse, spend time with your horse, and when you are done, leave and go home. you are not obligated to hang out with a woman who clearly doesn't want you there either.

[Kate66]

I'm getting confused. Are Nezzy and WesternBarbie the same person?

I just notice that they both have spurious usage of capital and lower case letters in their posts. Their manner of writing is also very similar.

[ExJumper]

I'm getting confused. Are Nezzy and WesternBarbie the same person?

I just notice that they both have spurious usage of capital and lower case letters in their posts. Their manner of writing is also very similar.

I thought they were, but I'm now not entirely sure.

[abbydp]

I just thought about this today. There is a boarder here that I am not fond of (momma always said if you can't find anything nice to say...). I am very polite, and just keep moving. May come off as a b#$@^ , but my time with my horse is my time. If she doesn't ask you for help, she doesn't want it. In fact, I think you said she asked you not to help. If she is new there, her shrillness may actually be nervousness at being JUDGED by those around her that she isn't comfortable with yet. I can appreciate you not wanting someone that rubs you the wrong way messing with a situation you had the way you wanted it. Hopefully venting here will make you feel better. I really do not think there is any tactful way to tell her how you really feel. She is just as entitled to be there as you are unless you are the owner. If she really cared about how she came across, she would probably make more of an effort. :/

[ComingAttraction]

T.M.E. (TOO MUCH ESTROGEN)
Just remember that phrase and it will help anyone survive this board.

Nezzy:
Truthfully I find it hard to look at people with messed up or missing teeth too. I will always take care of my teeth, I can guarantee that! I don't like stinky people either. I don't like it when I stink. I really can't stand when people blame their horses for their own shortcomings.

Nezzy this was your vent. I hear ya! Who's to say that this border isn't on this board or another complaining about you? Would you really care? I did not take this as you being superior to her, I took this as your opinion to which you are entitled...as the rest of us are to ours. Some of us just love to stand up on our soap boxes though and preach. Hey we can't help it, we are opinionated horse people

My opinion? Just try to be as kind as possible and maybe vary your riding times. Sometimes you may just be stuck riding with her. I have always found that telling people that I need to concentrate when I ride and can't talk, does the trick.

[asb2517]

It was at work. So no I didn't avoid them, I didn't treat them any differently than I did anyone else. There was no need to be snarky in that post (which is what it came off as). She doesn't have to make friends with the person. And owning multiple cats is no excuse to smell, I work at a vet clinic and we have a couple of cat collectors and I haven't noticed offensive odours on any of them.

My post wasn't directed at you. It was a SARCASTIC rhetorical response to all the do gooders who were trying to make the OP feel bad because she didn't want to interact with this smelly annoying person.

And you REALLY didn't treat your smelly co worker any differently?? You didn't try to avoid her/him at company functions? If you managed to really treat them the same, you are a much nicer person than I am. I more than likely would have avoided them like the plague. I know, I know...I'm up for Ms. Sensitive 2007! :lol:

[westernBarbie]

If I am being compared to the OP, then I have no problem with that. She/he seems to be a decent person, altho maybe confused and insecure at the moment. If you want to think I am her/him, then go ahead. then we can add to the confusion on the boards. Lord Knows there is not enough of THAT. *sarcasm*

[moonriverfarm]

I still vote for buying her a basket.

[Hannahsmom]

I don't know how to avoid this person <snip>....she falls off and gets hurt, and i don't want to be around when it happens.

Easy, just leave the vicinity. Are you chained to her when she is there? If her voice is screechy, turn up your iPod.

[JEN22]

I'm just wondering why someone else needs to be of such a concern to the OP. Sure, things about others can be irritating or offensive but why don't you just go to the barn, ride, do whatever else you need to do and not be concerned with this woman? No reason to be nasty or rude but also no reason to stress. Keep your focus on your own horse and your own riding I guess is what I would do. That's why I go to the barn.
But, I wouldn't post your feelings/thoughts on a public BB and not expect some drama to start popping off. Others peoples opinions/reactions deserve to be respected and you truly do not know the situation with this woman. Maybe just think that there for the grace of god go I.

I'm now going to pour myself a cocktail and toss some popcorn in the microwave. Anyone for vodka tonics?

[Omani Hunter]

Maybe just think that there for the grace of god go I.

All right, this is the second time this phrase has come up in the thread."I can probably guess the meaning from context: live and let live? I want to know from the authors what it means.

[TBROCKS]

All right, this is the second time this phrase has come up in the thread."I can probably guess the meaning from context: live and let live? I want to know from the authors what it means.

My interpretation of "there but by the grace of God go I" it means that I could be in the exact same boat with no teeth, body odor and people not caring to be around me, but thankfully I am not, and I should treat the person as I would like to be treated.

[MissBri]

BINGO!!!!

Get TBRocks a Vodka Tonic Please!

[asb2517]

My interpretation of "there but by the grace of God go I" it means that I could be in the exact same boat with no teeth, body odor and people not caring to be around me, but thankfully I am not, and I should treat the person as I would like to be treated.


Don't forget you also have an incredibly annoying screechy voice! :lol: :lol: And the only people who like you are people who can't hear and can't smell either!

Can I have a whiskey sour please? :lol: