What ever happened to the nice people in the forums?

[Obi]

I became a member here at COTH for many reasons. Horse people seem to be of a different sort than the average person. I find that they will go out of there way to help a horse in need, offer sound advice in regards to medical, moral, and personal situations, and they seem to bond together when a crisis happens. All great attributes in people that I hope I am like but...

Recent posts have caused me to lay low, very low. The recent poll about "Trends" makes me cringe. Not only do we sit in judgement of riding apparel, training techniques, and breeding choices, we seem to do it with such vengence. Where it seems this horse 'community' seems to be so good at times of need, then why is it that we seem to get so catty at the drop of a hat?

Yes, I understand that the off course forum is just that...off course. But why do I always feel I need to put a protective suit on in order to join a discussion lately in ANY forum?

Yes, I admit I do not have a the accepted breed of horse (a FriesianxTB cross) and a Saddlebred (Horse Gods please do not strike me down for this:no:). Trust me, if I could change my screen name, I would. Am I ashamed of my horse, heck no, but sitting here listening to the bashing about the silliest things makes me ashamed to be part of this horse group. Yes, I can take cristism but when it stops being a critique and starts to become vengeful and mean, when do you draw the line?:(

Right now I have a serious injury with one of my horses. I keep them at home and besides my vet and trainer, I have a limited 'horse group' to turn to. This web forum site has, in the past, been amazing at helping me through questions and concerns.:winkgrin: I have been very tempted to write up a forum post on his injury but to be honest, posting in a forum is not without its cost. I hate going back and checking a forum post when someone just didn't 'know' something only to be told in a matter of words what an idiot they are rather than just be given the correct answer without judgement?

No one knows it all.

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Go to Stick Horsie Art.

[Seven]

Lighten up. You're taking the conversations here far too seriously.

If you have a problem ask it. If you get advice (or read any thread, really), take the bits and peices that are meaningful to you and ignore the rest. Or don't. :winkgrin:

It's just an internet BB. Really. Put it in perspective and you won't worry anymore.

[yellow-horse]

try owning a big headed horse with the stride of a gerbil
i come here from the same reasons you do, i live in a rural area, i have several real life horse friends but sometimes come in here to get another perspective, it's a bb, there are some folks i love to read and others not so much but you know who you are, when things get snarky i figure they're talking about someone else

[Dr. Doolittle]

I. for one, have to weigh in on the side of Freisancross; yes, of course we're not *supposed* to take it seriously (or personally!), but I think there are a certain number of people on the COTH who are a little "quick to judgement", and some who are just gratuitously rude...really folks, is that absolutely necessary?!? :confused: What purpose does it serve? I think there's *always* a way to express a differing opinion (or ANY opinion :yes:) with tact and respect, and a poster should perhaps pause, thoughtfully--and have *some* consideration of the effect his/her post will have on others--before hitting "submit reply". (I'm afraid that hiding behind a screenname can sometimes bring out personality traits that would otherwise remain hidden from view ;))

It would be nice if we could discuss things (on the board) without having to deal with rudeness and nastiness, but I fear that it's just "the nature of the beast"--and many chatboards are *much* worse--or so I hear! :()

(I don't dare visit them...:lol:)

[jn4jenny]

Imagine if you were standing in a huge ballroom at a cocktail party. Hundreds of horsepeople were all around you, chatting. You wouldn't be thrilled about every single conversation. You would walk away from some conversations or walk right past others.

Treat this board the same way. There are some threads here that make me sad about horsepeople or annoyed at them. I've learned to be unsurprised by them and mostly ignore them.

Just take a few day's break and you'll feel better about it. I've done this before and it makes a big difference.

And if you really can't stand it anymore, cruise over to www.theoutsidecourse.com. Smaller than COTH, but much, much friendlier!

[TBsRgr8]

Are the topics discussed that much different than what we would run into in a really large, multi-discipline boarding barn? I mean, we may be protected somewhat going into a barn because the conversations don't tend to stick around where everyone can see/ hear them at their own convenience. I've run into a few who know absolutely the right thing to do with my horse without knowing his full medical history and all the things I tried with him... funny, how I had already tried what she suggested a couple of different times and it bombed big-time (I was just anti-turnout because I was in the dressage barn even though my other horse that her SO was taking lessons on was thriving on fieldboard... she attended to her SO while he was catching and grooming the horse, so she knew where the horse lived). She also told me that my horse was too skinny while the BM/Trainer had just told me that he was getting too fat. I thought he looked in good weight and not like the WBs in the barn that looked like ticks ready to pop... but I guess that was the "normal" weight 'cause that's what much of the rest of the barn looked like. Then again, with that gal, it seemed that no matter what you decided the opposite of what you did was the right thing to do. You're going to run into at least one of those in every crowd. Not saying that to excuse or justify their behavior but just reflecting what experience has taught.

To answer your question directly, some of the nicer folks that have opened up a vulnerable area of their experience and are promptly and repeatedly attacked tend to take a little vacation from the board for a few days (or more) while the attackers stick around and relish in their victory.

[Reynard Ridge]

Imagine if you were standing in a huge ballroom at a cocktail party. Hundreds of horsepeople were all around you, chatting. You wouldn't be thrilled about every single conversation. You would walk away from some conversations or walk right past others.

I really like this idea - can be hard if you started the discussion and it's gone south in a way that makes you uncomfortable. But like j4j, when things are feeling 'not nice,' I take a break and come back later.

BBs are a very interesting 'social dynamic.' You choose who you are going to be here. Most people do choose to be someone close to who they are in Real Life. Some are helpful and kind by nature. And some find the anonymity of a BB the perfect venue to vent their spleens (they may well be the spleen venters you would run from in Real Life :lol:).

I do think that there are friendly helpful folks here - and despite my registration date, I've been reading this board since 1999. :yes: There are posters I respect immeasurable and love to read, and there are poster I just don't bother to read. Being part of a BB community means learning how to manage the good with the bad. Or, start your own group and limit membership. :lol:

[TBROCKS]

Am I ashamed of my horse, heck no, but sitting here listening to the bashing about the silliest things makes me ashamed to be part of this horse group.

If you're "ashamed" to be part of things here, maybe you shouldn't be posting here?
Sorry but many of the people getting bashed bring it on themselves. When you post some ridiculous boast/whine and then can't take the heat and delete all your comments, yep, you're gonna get bashed.
I find the vast majority of what's posted on COTH to be informative, educational and occassionally hilarious. But then, I'm pretty open-minded and thick-skinned.

[Nezzy]

i feel your pain and i stay out of those conversations. Some people on all forums have become sort of RUDE and unfeeling. it's just the way it is. i would prefer nicer manners to all, but it's not happening. i have learned a lot here, i have also seen a lot of things i prefer i had not witnessed. but, i try to lay low, and i try not to put my FEELINGS into a conversation. try to stick to the facts, be kind to others, and try to disagree without personal attacks. i think that is all I can do. i hope you don't leave, b/c the more friendly people, the better.

[Huntertwo]

I totally see your point Fresiancross. I love the board and everything I've learned which is never ending in the horse world. But, I do find myself on here less and less, for the same reason.
Petty and redundant bickering over the smallest of things. It just gets tiring and boring after awhile. :sleepy:

Yeah, someone could say just don't read it, but if you're following a certain thread you can't help but come across the bullying know it alls who act that way because they can hide behind a screen name and a computer. Or constantly quote other posters over and over, picking apart that posters advice. Hope that made sense...;)

[jazzrider]

I'm of the opinion that the people on here that are so quick to judge, bash and argue, do it because they want and get attention. While there are some really nice folks here that are some of the "bigger personalities" on the board, for the most part the "bigger personalities" are the ones that are willing to fight every single time someone puts up a thread about Parelli, or slaughter, or rollkur, or the BL world, or some other issue they can find some contention with. They have the time (which I never understand), and they want the attention. I think it's kind of...sad. :no:

But there are so many people here that are great, and supportive, and can give good advice, commisserate whether they agree or not, and help you find your answers or relate to your issues. They may sometimes be curt about there responses, or point out another outlook, but they're here for the same reasons you are. Don't throw the baby out with the dishwater. Just ignore those that deserve to be ignored, and enjoy the fellowship of the good horsewomen and horsemen that are here. :yes:

[J Swan]

I think a few of them are on the thread about the crazy farm owner; trying to find EnviroGA emergency board for her horses.

[MistyBlue]

On a BB this big there's bound to be snarking and people trying to one up each other. I will admit that I do think there are a handful on this BB who love playing the Beat The Jones' game...but to me that's what makes this BB fun. It's just like real life...there's people we like, people we probably wouldn't be friends with in real life and people we laugh at. Although when I say "people we laugh at" I mean in a nice way...like J Swan and her free pig and Reynard and her $700 pony and the late Aunt Esther and her swinging designer purses, et al.
I always try to be nice...or at least a reasonable fascimile thereof. :winkgrin: I rarely lose my temper and I'm honestly no different online than I am in real life. There's a handful of unfortunates on this BB who know me personally and can agree with that. (okay...they'll probably tell you I'm even more weird in real life but that's lies...all lies!)
So if someone replies to a thread of yours asking for help with a snarky answer...ignore them. You'll also get good help/info/suggestions as well. Take the good, dump the bad. And sometimes a reply that may seem snarky probably wasn't meant to be that way...it's hard to get the typed word across the same as speaking. What I usually do if I get or see a really snarky looking reply is to click on the post author in question and check some of their recent posts with a search...just to see if that's their normal typing style or if they just tend to be crabby or see if maybe I might have taken it the wrong way.
And I don't see anything wrong with a Friesian cross...or Saddlebred. I've never had either type/breed but then neither move the way I'm used to. But I think both are quite attractive animals. :yes: Sure there may be a few posts that might poke fun at friesians or crosses or whatever...but most of the time those are about a particular horse or a particular ad that was found where someone is asking a ridiculous price or ended up with a really funny looking cross. I don't think there are many people on here who would despise either of your type/breed of horses just for what they are...there might be one or two folks who will hate that but then they probably don't like anything else anyways. :winkgrin:

[Red Barn]

Oh, dear. I must be rather a dreadful person - I actually like the "big personalities," and even the wrangling, often enough. I like people who turn a good phrase, and are articulate about getting really pissed off.

There seem to be plenty of BBs that ooze the milk of human kindness to a really depressing degree, where every horse is "SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!" and every ride is "AWESOME!!!!!!"

Personally, I can't stand that crap for ten minutes. Real life is too full of Care Bears and Special Snowflakes as it is.

[trailhorse1]

I would love to see your cross! A Friesian and a Saddlebred! How awesome! My favorite horse is a Friesian and I truly love the Saddlebred! I had a filly out of the Will Shriver line and she was absoluteley gorgeous! I was going to use her as a fine harness horse, but a long story short, I needed to get out of horses for a bit and I gave her to a nice breeding farm.
You are not wrong with your feelings. I think it gets really nasty on this forum at times. In fact, I have been VERY NASTY on some of my posts. I have no fear of admitting it. I think we need to say how we feel. Does this make us right or wrong? No. Like you posted, no one knows it all.
Just have a little more confidence in yourself and what you believe. Post how you feel. If someone takes offense or is embarrassed or ashamed, gets angry, or upset, that is their problem. I cannot control how someone else feels.
Just jump in there and if you feel stongly about something than just let the world know!
Want to see pics of your horses!

[BarbB]

I think this is probably the best horse bb...mostly because of the sheer numbers of people who post here. Things tend to even out over time.
The snarkiness goes in cycles. Personally I am in a snarky phase......it will go away. :dead:

[Dinahmare]

Friesancross -- post your concerns anyway. The value of the advice that comes your way will ultimately outweigh the snark with which it is delivered. And really, most posts are delivered in a perfectly reasonable manner. You'll probably get to the point where the snarky ones are mildly amusing. And there is always the scroll dial on your mouse.

[Chief2]

Believe it or not, something Alan Greenspan said this week fits here. "We don't live in a vacuum." It's easy to think you are talking to or hearing from one person at a time, but this is a wide open board, with all kinds of experiences and personalities circulating around, representing management and cultural differences thousands of miles around and across the globe. We are a diverse group with maturity levels and experience that runs the gamut.

If you want and can stand the unvarnished truths, post. The ideas will be as diverse as the people posting them, with a few off-beat toss in's along the way. Some folks will be kind, some will be tired and cranky, and many of us are sometimes set in their ways. Hopefully the board will open our minds, if not our hearts, doing it one post at a time.

So, what's on your mind?

[flogarty]

I'm Nice!

I just haven't been online because I've been at college (I'm a junior at Case), and I haven't had time.

[J Swan]

Real life is too full of Care Bears and Special Snowflakes as it is.

So I guess if I suggested we hold hands and sing Kum Ba Ya and then engaged in a group hug - that would be bad? :D;)

[jazzrider]

I just want to know what a "special snowflake" is. :confused:

I like snow. :D

[Tiempo]

I think I'm nice too :lol:

I just take the nasties with a pinch of salt. Some of them are very entertaining.

[ddashaq]

Well, you could go to e-equestrian.com, they are so sweet over there it makes my teeth ache!:)

I like it here. The snarking does not bother me, I just ignore it and keep on reading. There are also a lot of REALLY knowledgeable horse people here and you just don't get that very much here in the middle of nowhere, midwest.

[Nomoreusernames]

How sad... I totally agree with you, that's why I don't come here often any more. The Ultimate Dressage Forum is full of really nice people. You can join us there.

[goeslikestink]

i am probable the worse one - i often get mistaken for being rude or tackless
but iam deslextic it tkaes me heaps of time to do a post sometimes
or i write to quick as whats in my head and when i look at my post it sometimes dont come out as i mean it - becuase words or the meaning of the word i ahve completely used the wrong one or have spelt it wrong top that with not breathing commas stops puncuation its hard to get --
i know- but ontop of that my schooling was crap i had 7 schools join mine and 9000 pupils so 28teaches to a lesson didnt learn a thing- but never stop me achieving things for self

so am i rude not usually-- do i care certainly. am i honest - yes-
do i offend proabally but dont mean it in the way its recieved
,most know i care and if i beleive in somethings that right
then iam like a dog with a bone if i am in wrong i will appolise- simple

but here on coth you meet all kinds of people form all walks of life
and some are like me, but better at writing than me, and some are blunt but i dont mind that as you know where you stand-- most are kind and genuine and the odd one or two take the biscuit-- ad some you offer your hand to help and it get bitten off-

as they get defensive when truth is heard its natural emontion- but thats life
if we had nothing but good then we would have no debates -
we need difference of opnions to learn and gain knowledge-- so our future kids
can make a better life-- and who knows one just might be governor or presiden or prime minister bb are a great way to learn froms other

[Eventer55]

Ok, I'm not snarky that I know of, but I do enjoy a really good snarkfest. It's like a soap opera. Anyone remember the Gypsy Vanner one? Snarkorama!!!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:


You can ignore them, or not. I love this BB and I think I'm nice:confused: Take it with a grain of salt. There's so much good stuff here:yes:

[Nomoreusernames]

Not true, Ms. GLS you're quite informative!! How are ya doing?

[goeslikestink]

Not true, Ms. GLS you're quite informative!! How are ya doing?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx love you g -- well gotta a couple of 2nd inteviews to go to
will write an email xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sorry folks off topic ta xxx

[Pony Person]

i am probable the worse one - i often get mistaken for being rude or tackless

I never thought that, GLS! I like reading your posts!:yes:

Oh,Tiempo... You may be nice, but I'm a perfect angel!:lol:

[blue&blond]

I understand what you are saying in general. Yes, I've seen people say things that were just out of line, un-called for and some down right mean. Maybe that person was having a bad day - or maybe that person is a complete jerk. :D

But, I've never seen a group of people that will ban together when the chips are down for someone and help a complete stranger like this bb does.

Think of all the people willing to come together to help out a horse in need whether it's money, time, transportation or whatever. Or a poster who's desperate to move her horses and people start pitching ideas and looking up listings for them, offering their trailer etc. Or someone else who's lost it all in a barn fire and donations start pouring in.

I'm always amazed in wonderful way.

[janedoe726]

try owning a big headed horse with the stride of a gerbil


Not sure if it's the wine but I think this is just about the funniest one-liner I've ever read on this board!!! :lol: Can I use it as my signature?

[BarbB]

How sad... I totally agree with you, that's why I don't come here often any more. The Ultimate Dressage Forum is full of really nice people. You can join us there.


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol:

[Obi]

Thanks for the opinions. I guess its is just good to know that people do have bad days and to take every little comment with a grain of salt.

Yes, I fully agree that this board is pretty amazine when they group together. Heck, look at what happens when some OTTB's need to get off the track fast...down right amazing. Or a litter of kittens has shown up at someone's door. I wish all of our problems could be dealt with so swiftly.

I will lick my wounds, shall we say, and post my horse's medical issue on the horse care forum.

I do have to say the comment about the horse with the huge head and the stride of a gerbil made my day...thanks, I needed that. I will now go down and give my politically incorrect bred Friesian Cross a carrot and thank my lucky stars his head is the size it is, :lol::lol:;)

[Paragon]

I have a different website where I specialize in snark, full of other ass-faces just like me. The board is made for it. You know what you're getting into when you visit there. But here, that's not my thing. I admit that it chafes when other people here get so riled up and downright nasty, but I file their comments away and remind myself to never take those posters seriously, period. Which is too bad, because I'm sure some of them are full of good information, but I've got a certain threshhold for behavior before I'm just plain not interested.

I've learned a great deal here, as with many other message boards. This particular board's saving grace, as far as I'm concerned, is its moderation. I am glad for it, and I think Erin does a bang-up job.

[Nezzy]

as i said, STAY. we need more nice people. We need to show some people how to answer a post without snark. :)

[Aggie4Bar]

Go to Stick Horsie Art.Ummm.... now might not be a good time. There's mutiny over there, and PerchX is walking a plank over shark infested waters. But maybe in a week's time it will be nice and friendly. :D

As for moi... well, I've been in a confrontational mood lately (bad days at work), but I like to think of myself as being reasonably polite and logical. A tad long-winded. Maybe more than a tad. Of course, my self-perception could be entirely off. :lol:

[ddashaq]

GLS, I don't think that you are rude at all. I think that people from different places speak differently and it can easily be misconstrued as rudeness. For example, here in the midwest it has been my experience that east coast people are often misjudged as rude or snobbish because of how they talk. They are just a lot more direct (and, frankly, honest) than we are here-- we like to sugar coat and God forbid, you tell it like it is and offend someone!!:lol: I try very hard to realize that people from different parts just have different ways of expressing their opinions. Having been in England A LOT (and SCREAMED at by many a British instructor), I read you posts as what they are- direct and honest!

Friesiancross- one of my friends is going to cross her TB to a Friesian next year in the hopes of getting a decent dressage horse. They can be very cute! You should post a picture.:)

[tullio]

As for the niceness, there are plenty of nice people here who like to 'socialize' and help each other out. I've enjoyed talking to many of them. But I have to say, I also find myself writing out extremely long posts in excruciating detail because there are some here who prefer to snark first and ask questions later.

So, I take long vacations from the board. :-) I enjoy coming here and won't stop, but sometimes I need snark de-tox. I hope you will find a way to keep enjoying the good parts of COTH, too.

[Amwrider]

i am probable the worse one - i often get mistaken for being rude or tackless

Oh, GSL, don't even think that! We all loff you!


A special Snowflake? I'll betcha PercheronX can stick-art it.

Yes, the OP should join us over on the Stick art thread. It should only take her about 4 days to start reading so she "get up to speed" with what is going on. :lol:

There is nothing wrong with a saddlebred/fresian cross....or a saddlebred/anything cross for that matter :D

[Exceller_Fund]

I hate going back and checking a forum post when someone just didn't 'know' something only to be told in a matter of words what an idiot they are rather than just be given the correct answer without judgement?

No one knows it all.

If it makes you feel any better,I got an e-mail from an officer of another rescue group that said flat out that I am an idiot. I have printed that e-mail and framed it! :lol:

I've been told by another COTHer that they would make sure no one donates to The Exceller Fund, so that's the warm welcome I have received!

I held my tongue back then, but I'm now going to say - Honey, if no one ever donates another dime, I'M not the one that will get sent to the slaughterhouse, so I hope you are damn proud of "winning" your little self-induced battle. :no:

[citabobita]

This is one of the most "honest" boards I know. People aren't afraid to SAY they don't like a fresian cross, or your breech color, or your car or your boyfriend or whatever you made for dinner last night. Sure it may cross the line to snarkyness, but rarely will you find someone blowing sunshine up your butt. At least you know where you stand.

I normally would just lurk here, but I'm a part of another BB that has pushed me over the edge with niceities and mostly gave up. Everyone is so dang PC that I'm wondering if it's even real anymore. Some peeps are SO clueless they need a close up view of stirrup iron, but when you speak up to tell them something they're doing is unacceptable...well then you're just plain mean and rude.

Example. This is based on a true story. Backyard kid is posting about going to her first rated hunter show. Questions go something like this:

Backyard kid: Hi I have saved my money all year and I am going to my first "A" show with my arabian/saddlebred Sparky. We are going to do green hunter under saddle, suitable hunter under saddle, children's hunter under saddle and 14-17 equitation on the flat. Do I have to pull his mane or can I do one long braid? His long mane is so purdy.

Responder 1 (who has never even watched a rated hunter show): No I'm sure your long braid will be beautiful! Why should you have to pull your horse's purdy mane!? It's supposed to be judged on performance, you'll do just fine. Good luck! Post lots of pics!

Backyard kid: I only could find a pair of rust breeches and a kelly green jacket with a velvet collar and a pair of rubber boots at the consignment store. Will they be OK?

Responder 2 (showed in 4H hunter hack once): My book says green jackets and rust breeches are totally acceptable. It will go great with your horse's color. After all, a good judge is judging you and not your show outfit!

Backyard Kid: I only have a plastic bike helmet. Is that OK?

Responder 3 (has seen Horse Whisperer 14 times): Make sure you get a velvet cover for your hat since you only have a plastic one. Nobody can tell the difference.

Backyard kid: Is it OK to show in a Wintec? That is all I have. I can also borrow my Aunt's Stubben, it is really nice but it is an xtra narrow and my horse is an extra wide. Maybe I could use a lolipop pad.

Responder 4 (drew a horse for her 6th grade art project): You shouldn't show in the Wintec. You can get a lolipop pad for just a couple of bucks and show in the Stubben.

Backyard kid: My horse's tail got chewed off by the neighbors goat. Should I buy a fake tail?

Responder 5 (is a martian): If you go to the dollar store, you can buy a lot of yarn. Cut long pieces and tie them at the top and then vetwrap them to your horse's stump.

Backyard Kid: My horse has a prosthetic leg. Is it ok to use a polo wrap to cover it up?

Responder 6 (meth addict): of course! Why don't you use a green one to match your jacket?!

Responder 7 (citabobita): I'm sorry Backyard Kid, but it just doesn't sound like you're too prepared for a rated show and you probably won't get too much out of it. Why don't you take the money you've saved and do a couple local schooling shows or take some extra lessons with sparky? Or you can just save your money towards equipment so you can buy a proper saddle and show outfit for a show debut in the future.

Responder 8 (Armenian goat herder): CITABOBITA! You are RUDE and MEAN! Backyard kid has been trying for a long time to go to a rated show and you're not being very supportive. I show my percheron/arabian/saddlebred/labrador cross at the big shows all the time in a long braid, and we don't have any fancy clothes we just have a pair of beige bike pants and I wear my dad's suit jacket and a KFC bucket on my head as a helmet. I made my own bridle out of rivets, glue and shoelaces and hold the prosthetic leg on with gum and we win ribbons all the time. I was the podunk county champion for the past 3 years. Don't worry Backyard Kid! You'll knock em' dead. Citabobita I hope you die of menengitis you are so MEAN.

Backyard Kid: Thank you everyone for your responses! I will let you all know how I did on Monday.

Um...sorry that was long but I can't sleep...did that at least help?

[Foxtrot's]

This is too funny! At least the responder didn't use insulting and hateful words to be deliberately unkind. I do think some of the "big responders" on this board do not have enough to do so can spend all their time (and life) on this bb and specialize in gang-up bullying.
I am one of those who prefer courtesy, even if it is to call a spade a spade in their opinion. I always feel I have to stick up for the victim of these attacks. I'm glad to see Erin step in when they go too far.

[Reynard Ridge]

Um...sorry that was long but I can't sleep...did that at least help?

:lol::lol::lol::lol: Made my day! Thank you. :yes:

[J Swan]

Some peeps are SO clueless they need a close up view of stirrup iron, but when you speak up to tell them something they're doing is unacceptable...well then you're just plain mean and rude.



That is entirely too funny. You big meanie. I bet Santa puts coal in your stocking.

[JaneeneSings]

As someone who has been on the bad end of the stick in a recent thread, I totally agree with you, Friesiancross. I think being anonymous brings out some people's inner beast. Things they wouldn't have the guts to say to someone's face they gladly spew here at people who are usually trying to do right by their horses. They're little, mean-spirited cowards by nature, but the internet has given them false courage to say things to people that they would never dream of doing face-to-face. I, for one, never write anything in a post that I wouldn't say to someone in person.

[Sleepy]

citabobita, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Aside to RR, this one's going to give you a run for your money. :lol::lol::lol:

To the OP, I hope you'll stay and keep posting. Like with all advice, just take what's useful and leave the rest. The good does far outweigh the bad. :yes:

[wasagroom]

Ugh, friesian cross, your horses don't even qualify as horseflesh! I don't know what you're thinking hanging out here!

Hehe, just kidding. My draftie filly is reported to perhaps be a friesian cross (crossed with the fantastic "IDONTKNOWPMU" variety breed of mare!). Now I'm not so sure on that, but how's this for a less "acceptable" breed of horse? PAINTS! (THE HORROR!)

The problem sometimes with forums like this is that there can also be a "pack" mentality. Someone takes an idea and runs and it just kind of snowballs with all the other members until someone finally steps in and says "WHOA!" Sometimes you don't articulate well enough in your original post and when you try to explain things clearer, you're accused of lying. My 14 year old sister had this same problem when she posted on a dog forum of similar size that our vet had retired "last summer" (when actually he retired this past July) and that we had yet to find another small animal vet. Then, trying to explain, she said it was just this past summer and that he had moved to Africa (which yes, he really did!). She was accused of trying to cover her tracks when people got onto her about not having a vet "for over a year", and figured she was lying about the Africa thing. Some even went so far as to say things like "Shame on you!" and "I would HATE to be an animal under your care" and "Turn your animals over to the SPCA NOW!". They were like a pack of rabid dogs (very fitting!)... until I stepped in, having previously been a respected member of the forum and explained things very clearly (like as in a two year old could understand) - no one uttered another word on that thread.

And so I have seen it can be with this forum, but you just need to take what it is as what it is. There are some people out there who LIVE for the adrenaline of telling someone how incompetent they are (while really, they are just as incompetent but they have perfected the fine art of not sharing anything personal that anyone can use as ammunition). I think forums are the better for when people share personal things about themselves and their lives... makes for a better "community". Just gotta get a tough skin to hang around ones like this, I have found. Horse people, God love 'em, can be some of the most frank, honest, no frills people - and then they can be some of the most deceptive that I have ever met, and I have been around them for my entire life.

In short? Learn to use your rolly eye muscles and your scrolly mouse muscles well and often. :-D Take the good, glean what good advice you can and leave the rest (and the snark!). I think I would prefer this board to a couple that I know that are so over the top with hero worship and "omg, I LOVE your horse! He is so cool!" and high fives for every little thing that you know they're not sincere. I'm big on sincerity, you know... and good moderation. I would rather a couple little nasties get out than everyone feel like everything they're posting is censored.

[mbarrett]

I can relate to your concerns. Sometimes people take things WAAAAY to seriously.

However, I take everything written on these forums with a big grain of salt. Sometimes I laugh at their rediculous postings and rants, other times I get really mad. But you have the power to log out and doing something more interesting.

I'm amazed when I post a comment that I think is contributing to the conversation, and I get flamed and shouted at. Goodness! Lighten up, Francis!

Anyway, don't take it too personal. Don't be embarassed by your horse. We all love our horses, and that's all that matters anyway.

If you put 5 people in a room, give them a topic to disucss, you're going to get 17 different opinions, and some fist fights, out of the original 5 people. That's life. Have an open mind and a good sense of humor!

Go out and do something fun or have a good laugh if life is too overwhelming and serious. Give your horse a carrot and enjoy the day.

[Chief2]

Citabobita, that was hilarious! Made my morning!

The solution here is very simple. Don't know why I didn't think of it.
When you've had enough of the snarkies, go onto your own personal profile and add that poster's name to your Ignore list. He or she will be gone from your view for as long as you want them to be gone. I believe one poster here has something like 23 people on her list, and lives quite happily here day after day. So it must work.

[DopyDgz]

Some thoughts:

1. not being face-to-face makes people a bit less diplomatic than they would be in person
2. people here are passionate about horses, which is, in fact, a good thing, but sometimes their passion leads them to forget the manners their mothers taught them.

Stick around. If a topic seems to be getting too snarky, either steer it in another direction with your own posts or just don't read it.

If you want advise, ask for it, and just ignore what doesn't suit you.

Sticks and stomnes may break your bones, but a forum posting cannot hurt you!

[arabhorse2]

Oh, dear. I must be rather a dreadful person - I actually like the "big personalities," and even the wrangling, often enough. I like people who turn a good phrase, and are articulate about getting really pissed off.

There seem to be plenty of BBs that ooze the milk of human kindness to a really depressing degree, where every horse is "SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!" and every ride is "AWESOME!!!!!!"

Personally, I can't stand that crap for ten minutes. Real life is too full of Care Bears and Special Snowflakes as it is.

Where is the standing ovation emoticon when you need it?! Red Barn, I agree with you completely!

The "only blow sunshine and roses up my arse, and don't tell me any ugly truths" crowd makes me wanna hurl.

Of course, I've been accused of being a mean doody poo-poo head for asking questions when an OP has posted something that's rather, ahem, incredible. Instead of answering me, all I get is the "I came here for support, and if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all! Boo hoo!!!" rant.

If someone can't answer my logical, (mostly) polite questions, how does that make me a horrible person? I'm not the one calling someone names, and yet, I'm the bad guy for being skeptical.

[caffeinated]

Man, citabobita, that whole thing is SO true. It reads JUST like threads I've been a part of where I've had to play the meanie.

Of course, what usually happens is that someone "plays the meanie" after a bunch of sunshiney posts, then everyone with a brain who didn't post at first sort of piles on, agreeing with "the meanie" (who may have been perfectly tactful and nice about it) until it becomes a sort of scary thing for the original poster to read and they end up ignoring your point completely.

[La Gringa]

check out TOC (theoutsidecourse.com)

Many nice folks there. Chaaaaaarlie come to Candy Mountain!! lalalalalalalalala.

http://filmcow.com/charlietheunicorn.html

:)

[Seven]

Responder 8 (Armenian goat herder): CITABOBITA! You are RUDE and MEAN! Backyard kid has been trying for a long time to go to a rated show and you're not being very supportive. I show my percheron/arabian/saddlebred/labrador cross at the big shows all the time in a long braid, and we don't have any fancy clothes we just have a pair of beige bike pants and I wear my dad's suit jacket and a KFC bucket on my head as a helmet. I made my own bridle out of rivets, glue and shoelaces and hold the prosthetic leg on with gum and we win ribbons all the time. I was the podunk county champion for the past 3 years. Don't worry Backyard Kid! You'll knock em' dead. Citabobita I hope you die of menengitis you are so MEAN.


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[ravenclaw]

Friesiancross -- You're not alone. Occasionally, I get my feelings hurt by people on the BB. Some people are arrogant, rude, or just downright MEAN. When it really starts to bother me, I stay away for a few days or just lurk for a while. I have also gotten pretty good at ignoring posts and people that upset me. I used to feel like I should respond and defend myself against every post, but now I think it's better to just ignore it instead of prolonging it.

I agree with others who have mentioned the pack mentality and also that the anonymity of a screen name gives people bigger balls than they would normally have. That's just the crappy side of human nature.

I hope you stick around. There are a lot of nice, helpful people on these boards who are very willing to share their knowledge and experience. Sometimes, our negative feelings and memories are so strong that they overpower the positive things that also exist.

One last thing -- I don't think there's anything wrong with owning a Friesian/TB cross. A couple of months ago, I stumbled across some ads for Friesian/TB crosses on one of the online classified sites. Many of them were gorgeous and they sounded like they had great dispositions, too. :yes:

[HighFlyinBey++]

That is entirely too funny. You big meanie. I bet Santa puts coal in your stocking.

You really don't want to know what Santa puts in her stocking...trust me!

I'm also on that BB. We've gotten PMs from a moderator telling us to back off after we've posted something constructive like what Cita did. Um yeah, how's anyone supposed to learn if the board is all sunshine, butterflies and clueless n00bs??! There's "nice" and then there's :rolleyes: :sigh:

[Foxtrot's]

If somebody wants to "learn", or you feel the need to "teach" someone - do it. Just don't jump on the gang-up and join the people who enjoy being nasty. There are some awful people out there who must have dragged themselves out of the gutter. That's what I'm hearing on this thread - and I like it. The meanies are the minority, even if they are vocal...ignore.

[ProzacPuppy]

I'd just like to say that I take exception to the comment denigrating a gerbil's stride early on in this thread. I once owned a gerbil with a massive stride. Particularly if being trailed by a pack of dogs.

And he could do flying lead changes.

[Bluey]

I'd just like to say that I take exception to the comment denigrating a gerbil's stride early on in this thread. I once owned a gerbil with a massive stride. Particularly if being trailed by a pack of dogs.

And he could do flying lead changes.

I second that, plus mine would do airs above the ground with the best of them.
Hard to find one that has and can use good extensions AND trains to correct collected movements, both.:yes:


Remember this about the posting of advice in forums, here one about changing light bulbs, that may also be applied to horse forums:;)

How many posters does it take?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

[kellyb]

That is fabulous, Cita, you covered all of the bases. :D

[jme]

To the OP: I was scared off by ONE post on a thread I started a little while ago. Then I realized something, when I start getting snarky replies to my own threads or posts I either need to a. return to real life with my real life trainers or b. check my common sense "button" or c. quit whining.

It's like talking with my mother. I'm pretty much immediately put in check.

Now, when it's snarkiness not directed at me, I just don't read it. Who has the time anyway. Riding horses is a full time job!

Don't forget you can learn a lot from other horse owners, so don't totally give up on COTH. It's like a 24/7 try it before you buy it episode dedicated to our equine friends.

[Stacie]

To the OP: I was scared off by ONE post on a thread I started a little while ago. Then I realized something, when I start getting snarky replies to my own threads or posts I either need to a. return to real life with my real life trainers or b. check my common sense "button" or c. quit whining.

Some posters find a way to be snarky in the most reasonable of threads. Just a$$buckets with nothing better to do than make people feel bad on purpose.

[Flower's Girl]

Hee Hee Bluey - that was great!

[jilltx]

Some people feel empowered by the lack of face to face contact and will say ANYTHING that comes into their tiny little heads.

You have to learn to take all this with a HUGE grain of Kosher Sea Salt :)

[spotted mustang]

I get tired of everybody being artificially nice all the time for fear of hurting someone's feelings. Why is everybody so sensitive these days? I like it when people speak their mind. And the really, truly rude ones I can ignore. They don't offend me, because I don't know them anyways.

regarding gerbils : just heard on the radio that Russia will shoot 10 gerbils into space to investigate effects of space flight on humans. What is it about gerbils? Poor things. Why are gerbils always forced to go places no man has gone before?

[jme]

I totally forgot about my friend's gerbil! He was trained to Grand Prix. Rollkur was particularly effective with that one (seeing that he already had no neck to get in the way).

[arabhorse2]

regarding gerbils : just heard on the radio that Russia will shoot 10 gerbils into space to investigate effects of space flight on humans. What is it about gerbils? Poor things. Why are gerbils always forced to go places no man has gone before?

Spotted Mustang, it's the poor gerbils who are forced to go places that some men have gone before that makes me angry, and slightly ill.... :dead:

And Stacie you used my word!!! Assbuckets!!! I'm soooo thrilled. Really. It takes very little to make me happy. ;)

[trubandloki]

I get tired of everybody being artificially nice all the time for fear of hurting someone's feelings. Why is everybody so sensitive these days? I like it when people speak their mind. And the really, truly rude ones I can ignore. They don't offend me, because I don't know them anyways.


I totally agree!

I can not stand the forums where if you give any real advice that tells the OP less than them being the most wonderful horse owner in the world you get in trouble and are told you are a meany.

[thumbsontop]

I really don't think people are artificially nice at all. One thing that's great about forums is that you really have time to think before you speak. I try my hardest to ONLY reply to what was asked. If I really feel the need to offer an opinion that wasn't requested I usually preface it with an apology, or offer an opinion via PM if I think it may start a riot. I wouldn't say anything on a forum that I wouldn't be willing to say to someone's face. I don't mind being told that I'm incorrect on something at all. But there are some people that just sadly need to make themselves feel better by degrading others.

[Dr. Doolittle]

I second that, plus mine would do airs above the ground with the best of them.
Hard to find one that has and can use good extensions AND trains to correct collected movements, both.:yes:


Remember this about the posting of advice in forums, here one about changing light bulbs, that may also be applied to horse forums:;)

How many posters does it take?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Bluey, you are truly "inspired"...:D

HILARIOUS!! :lol: :lol:

(Thanks for my best laugh of the day ;))

[Stacie]

And Stacie you used my word!!! Assbuckets!!! I'm soooo thrilled. Really. It takes very little to make me happy. ;)

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[trubandloki]

sadly need to make themselves feel better by degrading others.

I think feeling that way is why people get so offended by posts though. I highly doubt 99% of the people posting here are like that. Yes some are better with words than others, so those of us who are not so good do not come off as nice as we would like to at times. But I have a hard time believing that people post just to insult people. :eek:

[Dr. Doolittle]

I think it might help if people were to just take a deep breath before posting something, and try to imagine themselves *saying* those words directly to someone, in person...

I wouldn't take more than maybe a minute per post (well worth it! ;)), and for those who did *not* intend insult, it may help them "edit themselves" so as to come across as more reasonable, thoughtful, and tactful...

Worth a try! ;)

[thumbsontop]

I think feeling that way is why people get so offended by posts though. I highly doubt 99% of the people posting here are like that. Yes some are better with words than others, so those of us who are not so good do not come off as nice as we would like to at times. But I have a hard time believing that people post just to insult people.

Nah, I'm not referring to blunt. I get that. I'm referring to the just flat out rude, personally-directed comments. I do agree that a vast majority of posters are helpful and kind, and open-minded. Unfortunately those few just happen to stand out.

I, myself, don't get offended (or haven't yet!), but I really feel terrible seeing it happen to other people that don't deserve it.

[trubandloki]

Well, I guess that might help.

I personally do not tend to post things I would not be willing to say to somebodies face. Yes, I am a blunt person in real life too. :yes:

[Foxtrot's]

Dream on people. These people may be nasty, but they are not all unintelligent. They know they are being mean and it is intentional - or they didn't ever play in a schoolyard. To try and whitewash them or make excuses is being toooo nice. Nobody ever said a person cannot disagree with a post, just debate it civilly. This bullying, pack mentality still bugs me, but it is cyberspace after all. It is easy to shrug it off until the victim is you.

[MistyBlue]

Maybe it has something to do with each person's personality too. As much as there are people who prefer to type in a snarky/know it all manner to puff themselves up...there may be the same amount of people who interpret anything posted as a slight towards them or as hurtful when it's not meant that way at all.
Some may be too insensitive...and some may be too sensitive. :winkgrin:

[ProzacPuppy]

Is that true about the Russian gerbils going into space?

Amazing that the Russians have already trained their gerbils to pilot a spaceship and we're still working on training level dressage here in the US.

[syntax_592]

Dream on people. These people may be nasty, but they are not all unintelligent. They know they are being mean and it is intentional - or they didn't ever play in a schoolyard. To try and whitewash them or make excuses is being toooo nice. Nobody ever said a person cannot disagree with a post, just debate it civilly. This bullying, pack mentality still bugs me, but it is cyberspace after all. It is easy to shrug it off until the victim is you.

THANK YOU! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only person who noticed the irony expressed in this thread that it's okay to blast people that ask questions, but for heaven's sakes, we must not blast the blasters 'cause they're just telling it like it is.

Horsesh*t! Nasty people know who they are and they get a thrill by thinking they have ruined someone's day. There is no need to excuse that behavior.

[Gracie]

Dream on people. These people may be nasty, but they are not all unintelligent. They know they are being mean and it is intentional - or they didn't ever play in a schoolyard. To try and whitewash them or make excuses is being toooo nice. Nobody ever said a person cannot disagree with a post, just debate it civilly. This bullying, pack mentality still bugs me, but it is cyberspace after all. It is easy to shrug it off until the victim is you.

Tell me about it.

I dare you to post on the dressage thread that you don't wear a helmet when you ride.

[Ghazzu]

Personally, I can't stand that crap for ten minutes. Real life is too full of Care Bears and Special Snowflakes as it is.

I think I love you.

[MistyBlue]

I think I love you.

Ghazzu...there you go again with the Care Bears and Special Snowflakes! :winkgrin:

[springer]

I LOVE Fresians, and saw an absolutely drop dead gorgeous Fresian cross mare at the inspection I just came from. They are magnificent!

[cyberbay]

Gotta agree with FriesanX and Foxtrot's. It's about being courteous. Can't help but notice the people who pride themselves on their 'thick skin' when it comes to posting on the BB are also people who seem to have lost basic sensitivity to other people. Hate to see what they do to their animals when they do something 'stupid.'

[Bluey]

---"Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxtrot's
Dream on people. These people may be nasty, but they are not all unintelligent. They know they are being mean and it is intentional - or they didn't ever play in a schoolyard. To try and whitewash them or make excuses is being toooo nice. Nobody ever said a person cannot disagree with a post, just debate it civilly. This bullying, pack mentality still bugs me, but it is cyberspace after all. It is easy to shrug it off until the victim is you.

Tell me about it.

I dare you to post on the dressage thread that you don't wear a helmet when you ride."---

Oh, I dare you post on a slaughter thread on COTH that you are against the ban horse slaughter bill, as written.:eek:

Talk about personal insults!:rolleyes:
That was my introduction to COTH and the famous pack mentality here.
Everything else has been mild, compared to that.:)
COTH is full of very nice folks and a few very goofy ones.;)
Don't let the few ruin for you the good you get out of COTH.

[cholmberg]

I don't think it's mean here at all. When I first tip-toed over here with the dire warnings that it was an endless stream of nastiness and trainwrecks. . I just lurked. But I didn't
see anything really like that. Yes, certain topics can get ugly. . one only has to refrain from participating in those topics to avoid it.

For the most part I've found this to be by far the most helpful, kindest group on any BB. That won't blow sunshine up your ass just for the sake of it. If one wants the group-hug, flowers and butterflies kind of place. . try horsecity.com (go visit the breeding forum on THAT board and read through a few pages of posts, dare ya). In fact this is now the primary bb that I follow, because it's so informative and folks here will go to great lengths to help those in need. Although I do read TLB, very entertaining and often in the 'someone had to say it' realm.

If some folks don't like your horse. . so what?? Who cares what they think unless you asked them?? Lots 'o folks think quarter horses are trash and say so. . on certain arabian boards is a QH bash-fest almost daily. Doesn't make me love my mares any less. I wouldn't let words on a screen get you all that worked up. Yes, there's a few who just love to stir the pot, but once you've identified them, you can just take them with a grain of salt. .

[YoungFilly]

Dream on people. These people may be nasty, but they are not all unintelligent. They know they are being mean and it is intentional - or they didn't ever play in a schoolyard. To try and whitewash them or make excuses is being toooo nice. Nobody ever said a person cannot disagree with a post, just debate it civilly. This bullying, pack mentality still bugs me, but it is cyberspace after all. It is easy to shrug it off until the victim is you.

Great post Foxtrot.

[Foxtrot's]

No, no, no, that's not the point. Not asking for group hugs, etc. just basic decency and manners. COTH does have a reputation (false) of being full of trainwrecks, and it has a share of them. It seems the worst hagasauruses have refrained form commenting on this thread
but we know you're lurking out there!! For myself, this thread has brought an issue to light that needed saying (nicely, of course!) and hopefully next time there is a pack attack, we will all jump on it and give them a public spanking. The moderators, too.

[Obi]

No, no, no, that's not the point. Not asking for group hugs, etc. just basic decency and manners. COTH does have a reputation (false) of being full of trainwrecks, and it has a share of them. It seems the worst hagasauruses have refrained form commenting on this thread
but we know you're lurking out there!! For myself, this thread has brought an issue to light that needed saying (nicely, of course!) and hopefully next time there is a pack attack, we will all jump on it and give them a public spanking. The moderators, too.

Thanks Foxtrot, my exact point in starting this thread. :winkgrin:

No group hugs, care bears, or special snowflakes (no one did clarify this by the way, lol). Just the snark attacks that most people I know would not say to someone's face. :eek: Yes, this is a intenet forum and one can remain unknown if need be via their screen name. But I do see the amazing things this COTH forums can do but I also have seen lately the low levels people will go just to throw the thread off its course. Heck, go look at the 'OTTB's in need' thread, where it has now become a debate on Thoroughbred racing rather than finding homes for these horses who are in desperate need. Fine, disagree about the TB racing industry but start a new thread to debate it, not trash the people trying to solve the problems it has created.:no:

No, we all do not have to get along, and yes, I have posted some not so brilliant questions in the past, but I am trying to learn as much as I can. Nor do I want everyone to hold hands and be happy. Just don't drop to such levels to be mean. Yes, you can call someone out on their comments, just don't slice and dice them into shreds by doing it. :yes:

[cholmberg]

No, we all do not have to get along, and yes, I have posted some not so brilliant questions in the past, but I am trying to learn as much as I can. Nor do I want everyone to hold hands and be happy. Just don't drop to such levels to be mean. Yes, you can call someone out on their comments, just don't slice and dice them into shreds by doing it. :yes:


True. . I don't think anyone should type anything they wouldn't -say- to
the person's face. :yes:

[sidepasser]

I don't think that the good people have left the forums, I don't believe that the nasty folks have taken the forums over either.

Just like IRL - there are good and bad people, kind people, unkind people. You can choose to associate with whomever you please even on a bulletin board.

I can't tell you much about a most of the posters because I do not know them IRL. I do know some of the GA. Cothers - they are a great bunch of folks.

I can tell you that there are passionate people here, there are kind, caring, inspirational people, there are people with major health issues of their own and their ponies which can make even the nicest person occasionally "slip" and be a snark just due to stress.

There are those that are in the midst of great personal crisis that still offer hope and help to others. There are those that are helped by people they have never met IRL. There is an abundance of generosity on this board, whether for person or horse and many times with no questions asked and no regard as to any payment or payback whatsoever.

Certain people come to mind and I could name them here that really stand out in my mind but then I would leave out an equally outstanding person and feel like a heel so I won't name names.

Sure we have snarky days when we should have thought a bit more before hitting that "submit" button, but overall, I have found that the majority of the people here have been very helpful to me personally with advice (yes, even on the dressage forum where many folks fear to tread - lol). These people didn't have to help me, they didn't have to read my post and answer, they could have kept scrolling on ..but they stopped and assisted.

Sure there will be mean and nasty folks everywhere, but overall, the members here are generally pretty nice to each other - although opinionated, I do give them that - lol..but every horse owner/lover is opinionated. I think all agree here that cruelty to horses is less tolerated here and that includes all forms of cruelty from not feeding a horse to beating one. You will get bashed if you come on here and say you beat old Dobbin because he wouldn't do his dressage test when his head was tied behind his ass in rolkur and what should you do next time to prevent Dobbin from throwing himself on the ground? Yep I'll be first in line to bash the snot out of you and tell you to find a trainer that has a clue or give Dobbin away. Or I might advise you that what you are doing is the wrong approach and to seek out the dressage forum and ask what the correct method would be.

But it isn't like I go around and do that everyday..cause most folks wouldn't beat their Dobbin or tie it's head behind it's ass..and then whine about it not winning a ribbon. You see the difference? Most people genuinely love their horses here - yep we can all be a bit dumb about some things that are unfamiliar to us, but generally I think the people here love their horses, want the best for them and will spare no expense to make sure their horses are taken care of.

The good people are still here, but you may have to look a bit harder for them as they may be the ones out giving Dobbin a carrot or hauling a friend's horse to the vet. Or hauling the friend to look at a horse, or giving a kid a lesson.

Don't wonder where the good people went, become one of the good people and you will always know exactly where you are at.

Graciously and totally more than what I needed to type
Sidepasser - a GA. Cother!

[egontoast]

"nice' is an OK adjective but I prefer some others

perceptive
funny
intelligent
candid
insightful
outrageous
hilarious
creative



.

[Cherry]

I don't think that the good people have left the forums, I don't believe that the nasty folks have taken the forums over either.
Sometimes it just seems that way.... ;) :lol:

Seriously, there are lots of good people here. It's just when we respond to your post it's done in such a way that you don't feel as if you've just been slapped in the face!!!! :lol:

Everyone has their opinions--I like to read other people's opinions. Makes me wonder if my opinion is "correct", or if I should think about changing it.... :uhoh: Sometimes some people irritate me but I try to see things from their perspective. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they just seem to be using faulty logic.... But I can't do anything about the way they feel, I can only control the way I feel.

There are ways of getting one's point across that leave the other person's dignity in tact, rather than trying to shatter it. This is the philosophy I endorse and strive toward.... I like to think that most of the time I achieve it.... :yes: :)

[Bluey]

"nice' is an OK adjective but I prefer some others

perceptive
funny
intelligent
candid
insightful
outrageous
hilarious
creative



.

Big words to try to measure up to. Not always easy.:o

[hitchinmygetalong]

Right now I have a serious injury with one of my horses. I keep them at home and besides my vet and trainer, I have a limited 'horse group' to turn to. This web forum site has, in the past, been amazing at helping me through questions and concerns.:winkgrin: I have been very tempted to write up a forum post on his injury but to be honest, posting in a forum is not without its cost. I hate going back and checking a forum post when someone just didn't 'know' something only to be told in a matter of words what an idiot they are rather than just be given the correct answer without judgement?

No one knows it all.

Well, there is your problem. You know the old saying, ask two horsemen their opinion and you'll get three answers. There are very few issues on which all 496,204,196 members of this board will agree. And you are absolutely right, no knows it all.

You are very perceptive to realize that a person should post questions and then expect some debate. That's exactly what happens in a room full of people (as others have already pointed out).

The snarks come out to play when the original poster either changes their story multiple times, argues with every answer they get, or gets defensive and starts TYPING LIKE THIS AND SAYING THEY DIDN'T MEAN WHAT THEY MEANT. :D

I hope you do post about your horse's injury. I know I have found many answers from the good knowledgeable people on this board. Just don't follow anyone blindly and you won't end up falling over the cliff.

Good luck. Happy posting.

[ravenclaw]

No group hugs, care bears, or special snowflakes (no one did clarify this by the way, lol)
I thought no 2 snowflakes are alike. So they are ALL special. :lol:

[Red Barn]

I thought no 2 snowflakes are alike. So they are ALL special. :lol:

Yup. That would be it.

[Sithly]

Please. The snark here is weak compared to some places I've been. Overall, this place is interesting and informative; most of the posters actually contribute, even when they are being a bit snarky. I don't think this board is bad at all. This place is generally pretty tame. I don't know ... maybe my standards are just skewed.

Anyway, I think the reason people get so offended here over such mild snark is that our horses are close to our hearts. Stuff hits close to home. I think that's a pretty normal reaction. I know personally, I'd go farther to defend my horse than myself. :LOL:

[tidy rabbit]

ahhh, I just don't bother with reading threads/posts that I think are going down a path of negativity. As in real life, I try not to hang around negative people.

[spotted mustang]

Spotted Mustang, it's the poor gerbils who are forced to go places that some men have gone before that makes me angry, and slightly ill.... :dead:

well, yes, but not head-first. That's got to be a pioneering experience. Poor gerbils.

[Nezzy]

i must say i'm impressed with the posters in this thread. all the way thru, people were courteous with their replies and even disagreeing with maturity. maybe the Snarkies were all on another thread.. ;)

[WB Mom]

As in life, you have the people who take the low road and others the high.
I have posted here asking for help and have received wonderful information. I truly thank everyone for that! I also have read posts (like the cheaters in St. Louis) that are bad.
If I have to make a generalization, most of this BB is positive and folks are sincere in wanting to help. All in all, a good place to go for information and help. Of course there will be those on the 'dark side'.
I choose, most of the time, to ignore them as I have more important things to do with my life. Besides, I see no reason to react to them as that is just an encouragement.
Life is just too darn short to be lived in negativity.

[Beverley]

Bluey's list is pretty accurate! I think it's possible to have a lively and interesting discussion without the snarks and snipes, and it's possible to disagree, even vehemently, without being disagreeable. It helps to remember that 'tone of voice' cannot be picked up in a typed message, sometimes that leads people to take offense when none was intended. But yeah, I am amazed at some who are just gratuitously rude. But the BB is full of choices, just like real life, so it's easy enough to just avoid participating in the train wrecks if one so chooses.

Unpleasantries aside, what gets my goat more, I think, is that seldom does an OP get a simple answer to a simple question. No matter how much an 'expert' one is, or how helpful one wants to be, don't give a boatload of information/advice that wasn't asked for! Just my opinion, mind you:cool:.

[dirtgirl]

Is that true about the Russian gerbils going into space?

Amazing that the Russians have already trained their gerbils to pilot a spaceship and we're still working on training level dressage here in the US.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I agree with Foxtrot et al. I swear some posters were born in the wild and socialized by trolls. Didn't these people ever learn basic manners? I don't think you have a sugarcoat your strong opinion but you don't have to throw them into a shame spiral either.