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January 10, 2014

Trailering With Your Human, Part 2

After a somewhat exhausting show season (one combined test and one horse trial, during which I did 100 percent of the work), I have finally had an opportunity to collect a few additional notes on trailering.

I collected my notes while stalling the ride home from our first show this summer. I collected my notes during a particularly uncomfortable session with a strange Human who thought he was a trainer. Last but not least, I collected my last few notes while standing halfway up the ramp ahead of an impending rainstorm at a local park.

December 21, 2013

Jitterbug’s 2013 Letter To Santa

Dear Santa Hoss,

It’s that time of year again, when my lawyers advise me I should write a rebuttal to all the lies my Human claims she reports to you every year. Really, by now Santa, I don’t know why you even take her calls.

Here’s the real story of this year, for your consideration.

November 15, 2013

Showing Your Human, Part 2

I am pleased to announce, my diligent Chronicle readers, that my Human and I completed our first horse trial this fall. As I detailed on my Facebook page, I finished third (I had no help from the Human, after all—it’s her fault I didn’t get to do my courbette down the center line. The incompetent coward.) and I was dismayed to discover that she received a completion ribbon.

October 8, 2013

Showing Your Human, Part 1

One unseasonably cool weekend this summer, I reached a long-awaited milestone in my Human training: we finally went to our first show.

To say that things could have gone better is of course, a complete understatement.

I console myself with the knowledge that all first (and possibly second) horse shows are supposed to be terrible and that exhibiting a green rider will not dent my reputation among my colleagues. Still, we finished an abominable umpteenth out of umpteen, and I hope that in itself is a lesson to her.

September 10, 2013

Birthdays And Your Human

Recently, my Human marked her 20,000 birthday, or something like that, which really got me thinking. For some reason, she celebrated by visiting the barn and ended up feeding me a cookie. On her birthday.

Sometimes, I’m sure she’s anything but the brightest crayon in the box, but every now and again she surprises me.

But that’s how training goes: We have to constantly give our Humans behavior guidance and examples they can learn from, and hope that one day they will surprise us with a moment of clarity.

June 25, 2013

Naming Your Human

With the arrival of spring comes the return of show season to my part of the country, and while I haven’t taken my Human to a show just yet, I have a feeling that this will be our year.

March 25, 2013

Spring Cleaning With Your Human

As the snow begins to melt and the grass in my field (which I’ve considered inferior all winter) finally starts growing again, it’s time for me to begin my annual spring cleaning. Encouraging your Human to ditch the old and bring in the new is something I’ve touched on before and it can get to be kind of a drag.

February 28, 2013

Romance And Your Human

I have been informed by the barn cats that Humans everywhere recently celebrated something called “Valley Tines Day”, in which they make goony eyes at each other, and refuse to share their candy with me.

December 30, 2012

Jitterbug's 2013 Resolutions For Your Human

After assessing my haul from Santa Hoss, one of my favorite holiday traditions is making my list of resolutions for the new year. 

(For my Human, obviously. I am already perfect.)

This is more of an editing process than a writing process, since her list of defects, forgotten goals, lazy avoidances and sadly untapped potential is longer than your average sheet of legal paper, and besides, I would rather opt for more festive wall decorations for my stall. Like poo.

December 19, 2012

Jitterbug's Letter To Santa

Accountability is a big issue with me, and as we approach the holiday season, I wish I could convince my Human to take on more of it. As it is though, I’ve come to realize that her endless griping and poor attitude are not going to change between now and Christmas. I thought I should take this year’s letter to Santa as my opportunity to set the record straight on my treat eligibility before he loads up his sleigh. 

Dear Santa Hoss,

First of all, whatever my Human has told you is a complete lie.

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