Cornelia van Schaik

Let’s get past political correctness: In breeches, you either have a perfect figure or you are a fat chick. Because no matter how you package it or how many Up With People comments you can bestow upon your Abbondanza Persuasion, you’ve chosen a sport with a rudely unforgiving uniform.

Oh to be blessed with the perfect equitation body, whether for hunters or dressage. You know, those B-words—some of whom are your best friends—who have long legs, a willowy build and just enough endowment that they have something there but can still see their feet when looking down.

Raise your hand if you remember when junior riders were required to wear helmets with harnesses. And then ASTM/SEI approved helmets, and suddenly all the kids had Troxels. You know, back when 90 percent of people wore the hunt caps now referred to as “items of apparel,” or who were topped with their beloved Pateys.

I can still remember the great hue and cry when the GPA first arrived on the scene. “Never!” the Hunter Princesses insisted. “Ugly, and never!” Followed, 10 minutes later, by all and sundry racing for them. Including adults.

And then striping them.

Buyers from two of the leading tack suppliers said that they see the trend in shadbellies moving back to the more traditional look. Until then, we’re certainly seeing a wide array of styles and colors, some that are great, and some that are very, ah, colorful.

Or, as a leading hunter/jumper judge commented, “I hope they ride as well as they accessorize.”

Although some would say that we spend far too much time worrying about OPVPL—other people’s visible panty line—it seems that some of us have not looked at our backsides in the mirror while in our breeches and addressed our own. Not me, of course, but some of you.

Recently, discussion has raged amongst the hunter/jumper crowd as to whether front-zip breeches are “coming back.” If I’m that worried about where the zipper on my breeches is located, please just take me behind the barn and shoot me dead.

That said, for some it would be a good move. Although side-zips seemed to be de rigueur for years and years, I’ll let you in on a secret: many women in side-zips should rethink their fashion choices. That area so many of you want to hide in real life—now you have it out on display without a thing to break up the line? For real? No!