Try The Latest In Calming Drug Technology—NIGHT TURNOUT™!

Feb 2, 2018 - 12:14 PM

“Ann, 2017 was a wild and crazy year in the horse show world. Between the debates about Depo, USEF hearings over positive tests, and an ever-growing range of products claiming to calm your horse and ‘not test,’ it’s hard to know what to put my show horse on!

“You’re a former hunter princess, what’s your calming drug of choice?”

Thanks for asking, Literally No One! You won’t catch me riding without Night Turnout™, a magical product guaranteed to make your horse happy, calm and ready to compete!

I use it in HUGE doses, we’re talking acres and acres of it, people, and I stuff my horse full of it every single day. No need to worry about IM, IV or any needles at all—just let the fresh air and open spaces from our all natural product seep directly into your horse’s eyeballs, nostrils and brain.

Give it 24 hours out from showing, 12 hours out, zero hours out—it’s guaranteed not to test! We would not recommend giving it immediately before showing, as that would no longer qualify as Night Turnout™ and is instead referred to as “Loose Horse, Loose Horse” (trademark pending).

Night Turnout™ is not measured in traditional CCs; we use the giant glowing orb in the sky instead! Simply begin the continuous drip of Night Turnout™ when it has lowered to the horizon, and stop the drip when it shows up on the other horizon. You can also use a watch, astrology charts or a sundial!

Give Night Turnout™ in conjunction with any supplement, hay or grain—it doesn’t react negatively with anything! Multiple horse households or stable owners will be happy to hear we run a group discount—don’t worry about filling up the barn syringe box, two to four horses can happily share the same dose of Night Turnout™, acreage adjusted!

And for even more dramatic calming results, try Pasture Life™! Twice the power of Night Turnout™, your horse can stay on Pasture Life 24 hours a day, seven days a week! And don’t worry about ulcers from overusing our product—it actually DECREASES ulcers! How neat is that?!

Side effects of Night Turnout™ and Pasture Life™ include dirt and dust on coats, an orange sun bleached tint in the tail, small nicks and scrapes, an occasional lost shoe, and other signs that your horse has been let out of its 12′ by 12′ box for more than two hours, like being happy!

Night Turnout™ and Pasture Life™ are available instantly at most any farm, and if your farm is outside of our delivery area we can direct you to the World Wide Web to search for a different farm!

NIGHT TURNOUT ™: Let Your Grazing Animal Go Outside!

(Disclaimer: the writer is sponsored by the Luna and Apollo family, makers of Night Turnout™)

Loading...

Social Bar

Join Mailing List

Shopping Cart

Like Box

Chronicle Headlines

Most Popular

Like Box

Rider Spotlight

Charity Spotlight

Horse Spotlight

Like Box

Trainer Spotlight

Like Box